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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Cemetery Girls and Vampire Hookers Review by 42nd St Pete

Exploitation Cinema Double Feature: Cemetery Girls and Vampire Hookers. Released by BCI.

A great double feature ala grindhouse with trailers, snack bar commercials and a great double bill. Cemetery Girls is actually Count Dracula’s Great Love with Paul Naschy. I don’t know if this is the uncut version, but it starts out with a throat getting ripped out and an axe to the head before the credits roll.

Four women and one guy are stranded in a remote region in the Carpathians. They are told of a sanitarium, run by a crazy doctor, by their driver before his head is caved in by one of the horse’s hooves. Of course they go to the place and meet the doctor, who is really Count Dracula.

The fun begins as the girls are bitten and get naked. Lots of lesbo action as two vampire girls double team their friend’s neck and other interesting parts of her anatomy. The dubbing is atrocious, the vampires are walking around in sunlight, the gore is extreme at times , and I enjoyed the hell out of it.

Vampire Hookers is the co feature , shot by Ciro Santiago and starring the immortal John Carradine

You just have to love these trashy flicks shot in the Philippines. Two sailors on shore leave are looking for some pussy. They wander into a trannie bar by mistake. After a brawl in that lovely establishment, they hook up with a guy who might be an Admiral or something. A hot chic comes into the bar, the Admiral grabs her and she takes him to her place, the cemetery.

At this point any sane man would be mouthing WTF, but not this horny sailor. He follows her into the crypt, which is a pretty cool set, and thinks he is about to get busy. Unfortunately Carradine & his bevy of bodacious vamps show up and drain his fluids, not the fluids he expected.

His buddies go searching for him and find the cemetery. One finds his way into the crypt, but is seen by Vic Diaz , a servant to the coven. The two sailors are cornered and all seems hopeless until the sun rises. This is for laughs as no one could take any of this seriously. It’s laughs, tits, & blood. One girl defends her cult” It’s not murder, it’s dinner”. Vic farts a lot to add to the ambiance.

One sailor goes back and is caught. Carradine spouts a lot of Shakespeare quotes and seems to be enjoying all of this. The three vamps want the sailor for the night and we get a prolonged softcore sex romp while the sailor’s buddy tries to rescue him.

This plays out like a low budget Abbot & Costello movie. The sailor brings a bag of garlic & stakes, but can’t get the door to the crypt open. He leaves the bag and goes to get tools. Vic finds the bag and brings it to Carradine. “ Is it pizza? “ one of the girls asks. “ No it’s garlic “ Carradine roars and order the bag to be disposed of. John also bitches about mixing vodka with blood.

These two films are the perfect mix of laughs, blood, nudity, sex & horror. While the humor in Hookers was intentional, I’m sure the humor in Drac wasn’t. These transfers are the best I’ve seen with these films. Hookers is heads above those crappy VHS tapes put out by Comet, Continental, or whatever those ugly big box VHS tapeswere. All in all, a great package, though I could have done without seeing Nachy’s fat, hairy ass in the sex scenes.


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