ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE: REDEMPTION -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/30/11

 

Director Ryan Thompson took a bunch of his favorite things about movies, mashed them all together into a low-budget, high-energy conglomeration, and called it ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE: REDEMPTION (2011). 

In a by-now standard vision of a dystopian post-nuclear future, good guys and bad guys battle for what's left of the ravaged world.  Knox (Johnny Gel) escapes from the marauders, a group of ex-military scavengers led by brawny psycho Rome (Jerry Lynch), and is taken in by the benevolent followers of Moses (Fred Williamson).  Former soldier Knox proves himself worthy of their trust and becomes a valuable member of the group while eventually winning over tough girl Sarah (Alicia Clark) who initially hates him. 

After the marauders attack their encampment and kidnap whoever they don't kill, Knox must lead his new friends Robert (Joseph Scott Anthony) and Lucas (Tommy Beardmore) into the bad guys' fortress-like cathedral hideout on a desperate rescue mission.  In order to help compensate for being vastly outnumbered, the heroic trio cleverly manipulate a roving horde of zombies into becoming their unwitting allies.



The fact that the zombies themselves seem to be guest stars in their own movie is explained by director Thompson in the making-of featurette.  "We decided right away we didn't want it to have anything to do with the original ZA film," he reveals.  "I really wanted to do a post-apocalyptic movie... with zombies in it."  Thus, this sequel often comes off as a poor man's "Mad Max" flick which also owes a lot to ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK and various other grungy action movies.  (Anthony's character even seems to morph into Snake Plissken before it's over.) 

During the many action setpieces that take place throughout, the emphasis is on gunplay and physical combat between the human foes, with the zombies eventually butting in and turning the tide in favor of the good guys.  While the staging and choreography often appear rather shoddy, these sequences are done pretty much as well as can be on such a low budget and tight schedule, with plenty of action.  The CGI blood splatter and muzzle flashes are particularly good, and some of the not-so-hot digital effects can be overlooked. 

The undead look pretty convincing, with several of the "hero" zombies displaying above-average makeups.  Straight horror elements are few--we never even get the usual scene where someone dies and comes back to life--but there's one moment that's as shockingly horrific as anything you'll ever see in this type of movie.  During a good old fashioned zombie shoot-em-up scene midway through the story, we also get the classic bit where an unlucky individual gets disemboweled and feasted upon by the ravenous undead.  More such mayhem ensues when they intrude en masse upon the final free-for-all battle and get in on the fun.



As for the acting, the skill level fluctuates wildly among the cast although all are enthusiastic performers.  Old pro Fred Williamson comes off best, as you might guess, making the most of both his dialogue and action scenes.  Johnny Gel is adequately "cool" and heroic as Knox and co-stars Anthony and Beardmore hold up their end well.  As Sarah, Alicia Clark's winsome looks help compensate for her lack of acting talent (especially when clad in a slave-girl outfit a la Princess Leia in RETURN OF THE JEDI) and her climactic catfight with villainess Angelique Sky is fun. 

The most hilariously arch performance comes from Jerry Lynch as Rome, who tells Sky in one scene: "If I want your opinion, I'll rape it out of you!"  He's so wildly overwrought in the role that he makes DAY OF THE DEAD's Joe Pilato seem mild-mannered in comparison.

The DVD from Pacific Entertainment is in 16x9 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  Extras include a genial commentary track with Thompson, Gel, and co-writer Matthew O'Day, a "making-of" featurette, deleted scenes, image gallery, and trailers.  Be sure to stay till the end of the closing credits for a final tag scene.

While ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE: REDEMPTION suffices as passable grade-B entertainment, it still must be appreciated mainly on a "so bad it's good" level, and if you can't do that then this is definitely a movie you should avoid.  But if lively little low-budget flicks are your thing, and you can appreciate the efforts of indy filmmakers doing what they can with extremely limited resources, you should have a pretty fun time with this.

ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE: REDEMPTION -- DVD Review by Porfle

A Painful Stunt: "Once Upon A Time In The West" (1968) (video)

There are some movie stunts that you just know had to hurt.

Especially if a stuntman lands wrong!

 

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Hope you enjoy it!

A Painful Stunt: "Once Upon A Time In The West" (1968) (video)

A Painful Stunt: "BIG JAKE" (1971) John Wayne

John Wayne plays legendary cattleman "Big Jake" McCandles.

When outlaw Richard Boone leads an attack on his ranch, Jake's son (played by Bobby Vinton) goes into action.

Either that post was meant to break away...or Vinton's stuntman was supposed to miss it altogether. Instead, the unyielding post spears him right in the chest. That's gotta hurt.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

A Painful Stunt: "BIG JAKE" (1971) John Wayne

BURN AFTER READING -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 12/13/08

 

One thing about the Coen brothers--you never know what to expect when you sit down to watch one of their films. This is especially true of their comedies, which can range from lowbrow slapstick (RAISING ARIZONA) to chilly, intellectual aloofness (THE MAN WHO WASN'T THERE).

As for their latest, BURN AFTER READING (2008), I just watched it twice and I still don't know what to make of it. It's an intense political thriller filled with intrigue, except that there aren't any politics and the intrigue all stems from a complex web of misunderstanding, paranoia, and just plain stupidity. It's like a BOURNE movie in which Matt Damon has been replaced with the Three Stooges.

John Malkovich plays Osbourne Cox, a low-level CIA analyst who quits in a huff after being demoted due to a drinking problem, and then sets about writing his memoirs, which somehow end up in the hands of Linda (Frances McDormand) and Chad (Brad Pitt), a couple of dingbats who work at a health club.

Certain that they've stumbled onto some vital classified information, Linda and Chad attempt to blackmail Cox so that Linda can finally afford a series of cosmetic surgeries that will improve her social life. When Cox refuses to pay, they take the floppy disc to the Russian embassy, where a bemused official named Krapotkin doesn't know what to make of it or them.

 

Meanwhile, Cox's ice-cold wife Katie (Tilda Swinton) is having an affair with their health-nut friend Harry (George Clooney), a sex addict who has also hooked up with Linda through a computer dating service. Katie's planning to divorce Osbourne and marry Harry, while Harry still loves his wife (who's planning to divorce him and is having him shadowed by a detective) and also is falling for Linda.

When Linda sends Chad to Osbourne's house to try and dig up more secret information, he runs into Harry, who thinks he's a spy. The increasingly paranoid Harry then discovers that Linda's involved in the whole thing and thinks she's a spy, too. An important element in all this is that Harry's job requires him to carry a gun, which isn't a good idea under the circumstances.

It's a hard story to put into a nutshell, and it's even harder to convey just how goofy and off-the-wall this movie is. All the trappings of the political potboiler are here--car chases, shootings, break-ins, deceptions, people being followed by shadowy figures, the whole shebang--but while one half of the cast is made up of serious people living their lives in the really real world, the other half is composed of colossal idiots blundering their way into this serious milieu and gumming up the works with catastrophic results.

The Coens direct it like a straightfaced thriller with the chameleonlike Carter Burwell supplying a pulse-pounding musical score, and their deadpan approach to this material makes it delightfully fun to watch. It's also wonderfully unpredictable--I dare anyone to try and figure out what's going to happen next at any point in the story--with one or two developments that are wild enough to give the viewer whiplash. Like Janet Leigh's fatal shower in PSYCHO or the jaw-dropping ending of TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A., this story often manages to whip the rug right out from under us with prankish glee.

Frances McDormand gives us another quirky, memorable Coen character here, but unlike FARGO's Marge Gundersen, her Linda Litzke is a ditzy wacko. Brad Pitt has a great time playing the equally idiotic Chad, and together they make quite a pair. George Clooney is hilarious as the increasingly frazzled Harry, whose life is flying to pieces around him for reasons he can't even begin to understand. Malkovich, of course, is fascinating to watch as the equally paranoid Osbourne Cox, as he tries to figure out who the hell Linda and Chad are and what insidious government conspiracy is closing in around him.

As his wife Katie, Tilda Swinton is about as cold and ruthless a bitch as you could imagine. Another Coen regular, Richard Jenkins, expertly underplays his part as usual and is probably the film's most sympathetic character. In lesser roles, David Rasche and J.K. Simmons are pitch-perfect as a couple of bland, weary CIA officials struggling to make sense of the whole twisted affair--their final scene together is a subtle, deftly-played wrap-up that had me howling in giddy disbelief as the closing credits appeared, aghast that the Coen brothers had pulled off something so audaciously messed up.

The DVD is 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1, and it looks and sounds fine to me. There are three brief bonus featurettes: "Finding the Burn", a making-of short; "DC Insiders Run Amuck", a look at the film's talented cast; and "Welcome Back George", which marks George Clooney's third collaboration with the Coens.

BURN AFTER READING won't appeal to everyone, which is something Joel and Ethan Coen have never seemed overly concerned about. They appear content to make whatever kind of film strikes their fancy at the time and let it find whatever audience happens to latch onto it. I'm glad I latched onto this one, because not only did I have a grand time watching it, but the characters have been running around inside my head all day reenacting scenes from the movie, and I kinda like it.

 

BURN AFTER READING -- DVD Review by Porfle

Painful-Looking Stunt in Vampire Classic "NEAR DARK" (1987) (video)

In Kathryn Bigelow's widely-revered cult classic...

...Caleb (Adrian Pasdar) is a novice vampire still discovering his new abilities.

Such as being able to knock a man across a barroom with one punch.

The stunt man gets yanked backward by a (visible) cable...

...and is supposed to land flat on a pool table.

Instead, his spine sharply strikes the edge of the table.

Which looks much more painful than planned.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Painful-Looking Stunt in Vampire Classic "NEAR DARK" (1987) (video)

How "Tombstone" Should Have Ended (video)

 

"Tombstone" is pretty much the perfect Western...right?

Well, maybe and maybe not. Because after much extensive research and development... 

...we have come up with a way to actually improve the ending of this classic. 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

How "Tombstone" Should Have Ended (video)

SLIPSTREAM (2005) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

(NOTE: This was one of my first reviews from back in 2005 when I loved recapping the plots to movies in detail,  so there are a lot of spoilers here.)

 

There are plenty of time-travel stories about people going back hundreds, even thousands of years into the past.  But ten minutes?  If you think about it, this could come in quite handy in a wide range of day-to-day situations. 

You could win arguments, say just the right things to people you want to impress, avoid a variety of mishaps, missteps, and mistakes, or -- as Stuart Conway, inventor of The Slipstream Device, seems to have noticed -- you could cash the same paycheck over and over.

Stuart (Sean Astin, LORD OF THE RINGS) doesn't seem like a particularly dishonest person, but as SLIPSTREAM (2005) begins, we find that the beyond-top-secret government research agency that this beyond-intelligent-physicist is working for has cut the funding on his pet project and stuck him in a back room out of everyone's way. 

So, well, he's feeling a bit underappreciated lately, and decides to prove the validity of his theories on time travel by using his new invention, a "poly-dimensional translocation device" (which looks a lot like a cell phone) to cash his latest paycheck as many times as he wants to. 

So there he is, standing at the teller's window at the bank, trying in his worst beyond-super-geek way to sweet-talk the bank clerk he has a crush on, when a particular observation he makes about the highly distracting properties of her low-cut blouse prompts her to pick up the decaf, non-fat, soy concoction she's been sipping and hurl it right at his face. 

Reflexively, he whips out his Slipstream Device and pushes a button.  The liquid slows to a snail's pace and then freezes in mid-air.  Then it begins to retrace its path back into her cup.  Time suddenly zips backward ten minutes -- and their encounter is now at its starting point again.  Cool! he thinks giddily.  While she's counting out my money again, I'll have another chance to shower her with suave witticisms!

Suddenly the doors to the bank fly open and in bursts a band of armed bank robbers, a motley assortment of scruffy, lower-class Brits led by Winston Briggs (Vinnie Jones) and his punky fiancee of twelve years, Gillian (Victoria Bartlett), who are extreme movie fans and fancy themselves as either Bonnie and Clyde or Butch and Sundance according to the situation.  And the situation gets a lot tenser when two FBI agents who have been keeping Stuart under surveillance whip out their guns. 

At first it's a standoff, but in no time there's a heap o' lead flying around, and one of the slugs catches Stuart right in the chest.  The robbers take the money and run.  Agent Sarah Tanner (Ivana Milicevic, CASINO ROYALE) rushes to Stuart's aid.  He tells her to pick up the device and press the button, which she does. 

In a flash, it's ten minutes earlier and Sarah is back standing with her partner Jake (Kevin Otto) before the robbery.  Since she was holding the device when it was activated, she is aware of the time-jump and is understandably flabbergasted.  She looks at Stuart, then at the clock, and realizes that a bank robbery is about to occur.

Or reoccur, that is.  This time there's even more shooting, and things go even more wrong.  Jake runs outside in pursuit of the fleeing bank robbers, and is shot dead as they escape.  Sarah is stricken with grief because she's in love with Jake -- they've even been perusing the classifieds for a nice house to move into together -- and it dawns on her that if Stuart is able to turn back the clock ten minutes, he can save Jake's life. 

One problem, though -- the bank robbers have The Slipstream Device!  And if she and Stuart don't get it back within ten minutes, they won't be able to go back in time far enough to save Jake!

And that's just the start of it!  (Pardon me while I catch my breath.)  Briggs and his gang have a freeway crack-up in their van and end up taking a busload of people hostage.  Sarah and Stuart try to get on the bus, but Briggs shoots Stuart -- again.  So Sarah has to tell him about the device in order to be able to use it to save Stuart.  Briggs thinks this would be a great way to rob the same bank over and over.  When the chopper he's demanded arrives, he and Gillian rig the bus to explode and take off with their gang and Stuart in tow. 

Fast-forward a bit (we can do that, even if Stuart can't) and we find Briggs and Stuart on an airplane headed out of the country.  Sarah has managed to board the same plane.  She gets The Slipstream Device away from Briggs, but it is broken in the struggle.  Briggs would rather die than be caught, so he shoots out a window, and the sudden decompression causes the plane to go into a dive. 

The pilots try their best to pull out, but there's a really big mountain in their windscreen, and it's getting bigger and bigger.  To make things worse, a stewardess whacks Briggs over the head with a fire extinguisher while he's pointing his gun at Sarah, causing him to shoot her at point blank range.  Sarah goes down, dead.  The plane hits the mountain.

As you can see, a lot happens in this movie, and most of it is pretty entertaining.  It's a bit derivative at times -- the bank sequence reminded me a lot of an old OUTER LIMITS episode with Barry Morse, Grace Lee Whitney, and Carroll O'Connor called "Controlled Experiment", in which a woman shoots her husband in a fit of jealousy and a Martian who has come to Earth to study the act of murder uses a device to replay the event backwards, forwards, in slow-motion, etc., and the climax owes a bit to 1964's THE TIME TRAVELERS, although I have no idea whether or not the filmmakers have seen it. 

But there's also a great deal of inventiveness going on here.  David van Eyssen throws everything but the kitchen sink into his directing style at times, especially in the bank shoot-outs that get wilder and more dizzyingly cinematic (though a bit overdone) with every ten-minute replay.  The final moments aboard the airplane are nice -- time stands still, or is slowed down and extended so that we're able to appreciate the effects that certain actions or events have on the characters at crucial instances, and then images begin to flash by and become almost subliminal impressions rushing toward the inevitable conclusion. 

The actors are all very good in their roles, so much so that you even begin to care about the bad guys (Vinnie Jones and Victoria Bartlett make a lovely couple).  Sean Astin and Ivana Milicevic are appealing leads.  The musical score by Rob Lord is outstanding. 

This isn't a great film by any means, but it's definitely a thought-provoking, action-packed good time.  Ten minutes after it was over, I pressed the button on my poly-dimensional translocation device (okay, my DVD player) and watched it again.

SLIPSTREAM (2005) -- Movie Review by Porfle

GRACE KELLY COLLECTION -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/4/14

Although widely regarded as one of the leading Hollywood actresses of all time, Grace Kelly always struck me as a nice but rather unexciting presence. This is probably why I never sought her out but simply happened to see her in various movies that I was going to watch anyway, such as Alfred Hitchcock's REAR WINDOW and other such familiar titles as HIGH NOON and THE COUNTRY GIRL.

These three, in fact (out of a total of eleven), are the only Grace Kelly movies I'd seen before tucking into the 7-disc DVD set GRACE KELLY COLLECTION (2014) from Warner Home Video, which includes MOGAMBO (1953), THE BRIDGES OF TOKO-RI (1954), DIAL M FOR MURDER (1954), THE COUNTRY GIRL (1954), TO CATCH A THIEF (1955), and her final film, HIGH SOCIETY (1956). (Disc 7 contains her final interview, entitled "Princess Grace De Monaco: A Moment in Time.")



After that last filmic effort, her seemingly charmed life of rich girl turned model turned Oscar-winning actress (not to mention former Girl Scout) reached its storybook peak when she met and married Prince Rainier in 1956 and became Princess Grace of Monaco.

 

As in Hollywood, Her Royal Highness lived up to her name, exuding...well, "grace"...while giving birth to three children and being beloved by her subjects (all the while still courted in vain by Hollywood) until her tragic death in a car crash in 1982.

"I came to success very quickly," she once said, according to IMDb. "Perhaps too quickly to value its importance." While probably true, she seemed to "find herself" in her second life away from the tinsel-strewn decadence of Hollywood. But her cool beauty and elegant demeanor remain for film fans to appreciate in the movies that she left behind. Thanks to this DVD collection, I'm finally beginning to appreciate her considerably more myself.



In MOGAMBO (1953), her third film (for which she received an Academy Award nomination for Best Actress in a Supporting Role), Grace Kelly plays Linda Nordley, the timid, pampered wife of anthropologist Donald (Donald Sinden), with whom she has traveled to the wilds of Africa in search of gorillas to study. Their guide is a rough, uncouth big-game hunter named Vic Marswell (an aging but still great Clark Gable) who traps animals for circuses and zoos.

 

Vic is currently semi-involved with the darkly beautiful Eloise Y. Kelly (a gorgeous young Ava Gardner), a soiled-dove city gal marooned in Vic's wilderness compound after being dumped there by a duplicitious maharajah. But the arrival of the Nordleys creates a heated love triangle between Vic, Eloise, and the unhappy-in-marriage Linda--whose skittish vulnerability prompts burly Vic to become hopelessly smitten--turning their gorilla-country expedition into a jungle soap opera.

Along with the slow-moving and only mildly engaging melodrama, virtuoso director John Ford gives us plenty of breathtaking African scenery in glorious Technicolor. Authentic African tribespeople and locations lend the production an air of authenticity that helps offset the hokey "forbidden love" story, as does our simple enjoyment in watching the appealing Gable and Gardner injecting a little life into things.

Grace Kelly, meanwhile, inhabits her flighty character to a tee, which viewers will probably find either endearing or annoying. Your reaction to this remake of the 1932 Clark Gable-Jean Harlow film RED DUST may fall along similar lines. Personally, I prefer the similarly-themed Howard Hawks comedy-adventure HATARI!, but found MOGAMBO to be a passable time-waster which, thanks to Africa and Ava, looks terrific. Gable and Kelly, however, are hardly a romantic screen couple for the ages.

Director Mark Robson's THE BRIDGES AT TOKO-RI (1954) finds Grace in a role which barely gives her enough screen time to make an impression. She plays Nancy, the wife of fighter pilot Lt. Harry Brubaker (William Holden), currently assigned to an aircraft carrier in order to help fight the Korean War.

Nancy brings their two daughters to Tokyo to meet the carrier when it docks and give Harry a pleasant surprise, but their romantic reunion is interrupted when he must leave to rescue buddies Mickey Rooney and Earl Holliman (who saved Harry's life that very day when his jet went down in the freezing ocean) after the two helicopter jockeys land in the brig. With little to do otherwise, Grace's best moment in the film is when her family ends up bathing nude with a Japanese family (as per local custom) and the result is a charming intermingling of disparate cultures.

Grace gets second billing here but it really belongs to Fredric March as Rear Admiral Tarrant, who takes an interest in Harry since the young pilot reminds him of his son who was killed in WWII. March is excellent portraying the wisdom and compassion of an officer with the responsibility of sending Harry and his fellow pilots on a highly dangerous mission to knock out the titular target (which could hasten the end of the war) while agonizing over their possible fate.

This film was produced during that magical Hollywood era when they could still make war pictures that were stirring and patriotic (instead of cynical and downbeat) while still exploring the human side of the soldiers involved--particularly their psychology and that of their loved ones, often encompassing feelings of disillusionment and isolation, with even a little existentialism thrown in.

"Militarily, this war is a tragedy" Admiral Tarrant laments at one point, while Brubaker (nicely played by a vibrant young Holden) feels cheated that this new war has forced him to give up the life he'd begun to forge after having already served in WWII.

Rooney and Holliman, two of my favorite actors, also give solid performances as the intrepid helicopter rescuers. They figure prominently in the film's exciting conclusion which, after some tense action aboard the aircraft carrier, comes to a head during the final thrilling raid on Toko-Ri.

This sequence is loaded with incredible aerial footage and top-notch special effects (reminiscent, I thought, of the rebel fighters' attack on the Death Star in STAR WARS) and is topped by a harrowing firefight on the ground in which the lives of our heroes are in grave jeopardy. THE BRIDGES OF TOKO-RI may not be one of the all-time greatest of war films, but it's a solid, affecting effort that should remain in your memory for some time.

Grace Kelly's first association with Alfred Hitchcock came in 1954 with DIAL M FOR MURDER, adapted by Frederick Knott from his own stage play. The theatrical origins of the story are apparent since Hitchcock made little effort to hide them--indeed, he probably considered the limited locations (most of the action takes place in a single apartment) a challenge along the same lines as LIFEBOAT and ROPE.

In one of the disc's bonus featurettes, "Hitchcock and Dial M", Peter Bogdanovich relates that in directing the film Hitchcock didn't feel the need to "open it up" cinematically, fearing that this would interfere with the play's intricate construction.

And he finds enough with which to busy himself artistically to keep things visually interesting while briskly moving the dialogue-driven plot along--in particular, since the film was originally released in 3D, Hitchcock seems inspired to explore the possibilities of this novelty device without resorting to the more obvious gimmicks.

Ray Milland is at his slimy-smooth best as former tennis pro Tony Wendice, now living with wife Margot (Kelly) in a luxurius apartment in London. The arrival of an old friend from the USA, Mark Halliday (Robert Cummings)--with whom Margot once had an affair--helps set into motion Tony's plan to murder Margot for her money and blame it on a blackmail scheme gone wrong.

To carry out the murder, Tony hires a cash-strapped con man named Lesgate (Anthony Dawson, who, as "Professor Dent", was famously executed by agent 007 in the first James Bond film, DR. NO). Their lengthy dialogue scene in which Tony lays out his plan in intricate detail is talky, almost static, yet Hitchcock and his able cast manage to bring the script to vivid life as we hang on every word.

The actual murder scene is executed (so to speak) with exquisite suspense, helped in no small part by Grace Kelly's outstanding performance as the frantic victim. Later, during the investigation, the introduction of a new character in the form of Chief Inspector Hubbard (John Williams, whom many baby-boomers will recognize as Sebastian Cabot's replacement in the TV series "Family Affair") turns DIAL M FOR MURDER into a crackerjack investigative procedural reminiscent of "Columbo" in that the actual culprit arrogantly underestimates the detective. The resulting cat-and-mouse game of wits makes this suspense thriller one to savor.

A busy year for Grace, 1954 would bring what was arguably her greatest success as an actress--namely, the Best Actress Oscar for her portrayal of Georgie Elgin in director George Seaton's Best Picture contender THE COUNTRY GIRL. Bing Crosby snagged a Best Actor nomination as Georgie's alcoholic husband Frank. (The movie received seven nominations in all.)

William Holden's back and bursting with energy in the role of Bernie Dodd, a hot-shot Broadway director who ignores his backers' misgivings by wanting to hire the washed-up Frank for the lead role in a new musical despite his potential unreliability. After a successful audition, insecure Frank disappears when he discovers he's up for the pivotal part instead of a simple supporting role. Bernie tracks him down to convince him that he can handle it--but can he?

As Frankie's mousey wife Georgie, Grace Kelly gains extra critical cred by toning the glamour dial way down. In fact, she's probably as close to "dowdy" here as our future princess could possibly get without going full Jane Hathaway. (Bernie evens chides Georgie for trying to hard to look plain.)

Since their young son (a pre-"Lassie" Jon Provost) was killed while in Frank's care, the distraught dad has been on a downward spiral that Georgie's tried her best to stop even if it means overly protecting him to the point of being domineering, of which Bernie accuses her. When the play's early notices aren't exactly glowing and Frank starts hitting the bottle again, it becomes apparent to Bernie that Georgie's influence over her husband may have been more crucial than he suspected. Not only that, but more secrets about Frank's past come to light which convince Bernie he's got a much bigger problem on his hands than he ever imagined.

Grace not only holds her own next to both Holden and a very effective Crosby, but spars expertly with them in several emotionally-charged exchanges that really give her acting skills a workout. Any reservations I might've had about her getting by mainly on girlish good looks and an elegant charm are put to rest watching her make the most of this demanding role. One thing's for sure after the fadeout--she deserved that Oscar. THE COUNTRY GIRL skirts the line between pathos and bathos and ends up just on the right side of it with a satisfying conclusion which rewards our emotional investment in it.

Hitchcock rears his familiar head again (see if you can spot it) in TO CATCH A THIEF (1955), a smoothly sophisticated vehicle in which some of the director's favorite actors get to engage in shadowy intrigue laced with coy dialogue and wry witticisms.

The French Riviera forms a gorgeous backdrop for this tale of a reformed cat burglar, John "The Cat" Robie (Cary Grant), trying to prove his innocence after a new rash of daring jewel thefts put him under intense police suspicion. How to do that, you ask? Simple--he hangs around some of the most likely future targets at the most expensive beachfront hotel, hoping to catch the unknown thief in the act.

Not surprisingly, the most prominent potential victims turn out to be lovely playgirl Frances Stevens (our own Grace Kelly) and her mother Jessie (Jessie Royce Landis, who'd play Grant's mother in NORTH BY NORTHWEST), who is practically dripping with priceless jewelry at all times. It's not hard to guess that John and Frances will form a mutual infatuation, especially when she figures out his true identity and excitedly expresses interest in joining him in his next heist.

As a refined but irreverent heiress living the life of leisure, Kelly is as far removed from THE COUNTRY GIRL as one can get. But her seductive playgirl is cool as a champagne cocktail despite an effort by the actress to loosen up. Even in the heat of passion, she's as flawless and silky-smooth as the sumptuous frosting on a wedding cake.

Not that I mind, of course--what man wouldn't want to romance such a woman at least once in his life? And especially a man who happened to be as impossibly handsome and effortlessly suave as Cary Grant?

Indeed, in addition to the delectable mystery and giddy suspense which Hitchcock (as expected) handles like the virtuoso that he is, one of the irresistible attractions of TO CATCH A THIEF is seeing two of the most beautiful people in Hollywood history having a ticklish go at each other with postcard-pretty France as their playground. Hitchcock's having fun here, and he wants us to have fun, too. And we do.

Wrapping up both Grace Kelly's career and this DVD set in fine style is her final film, HIGH SOCIETY (1956), MGM's musical remake of THE PHILADELPHIA STORY which starred Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, and James Stewart. The film was rushed into production since Grace was already preparing to marry Prince Rainier and leave showbiz forever, and her cinematic swan song ended up breaking box office records upon release.

As "Tracy Lord", Grace is back to being a pampered rich girl, only moreso--she's on pins and needles planning her upcoming wedding to some stiff named George Kittredge (John Lund) whom we know doesn't have a chance in hell because Tracy's cutely tomboyish li'l sister Caroline (Lydia Reed, pretty much a Virginia Weidler clone) doesn't like him and prefers Tracy's easygoing ex-husband C.K. Dexter-Haven, or "Dexter" (Bing Crosby), whom Tracy rejected because, among other negligible reasons, he chooses that awful lowbrow jazz over serious music.

One of those hyperactive romantic comedies brimming with "comic complications", HIGH SOCIETY tries so hard to be lighthearted it tends to be lightheaded at some times, and turgid at others. Bing, of course, comes off as smooth as molasses and just as thick--it's fun watching him try to be "breezy." He does have that voice, though, and we can't blame even the great Louie "Satchmo" Armstrong (he and his band serve as the story's Greek chorus) for wanting to jam along with it.

Grace, meanwhile, has that coltish quality Peter Bogdanovich was aiming for when he cast Cybill Shepherd in AT LONG LAST LOVE (although in Cybill's case the word "horsey" might be more apt), breathlessly reciting wisecracks and pithy exclamations while hitting all her marks as though running the bases. She isn't quite "funny" as much as she's simply formidable, although when things veer more toward the dramatic she handles herself with aplomb.

Helping to round out the stellar cast are Frank Sinatra and Celeste Holm as correspondents for a cheap gossip rag who've been allowed to cover the wedding lest a damning story about Tracy's father Seth (Sidney Blackmer) be printed. They, too, are obviously meant to be together, so of course Frank will fall for Tracy while Celeste fends off the advances of Tracy's elderly Uncle Willie (Louis Calhern).

In turns amusing and tiresome, HIGH SOCIETY is a harmless way to pass some time in between worthwhile moments such as Bing and Grace dueting on "True Love", the hit song that earned them both gold records. The Cole Porter score itself isn't one of his most stellar achievements--the song and dance interludes seem rather shoehorned in at times--but it's kind of fun anyway. The same can be said for the film as a whole.

The title of the set's seventh disc, "Princess Grace De Monaco: A Moment in Time", is tragically ironic since she would be gone only ten short days later. Producer-director Robert Kline and journalist Pierre Salinger went to Monaco to interview the princess in her natural surroundings, encountering a still-lovely woman who seemed happy, confident, and at peace with herself.

She speaks at length and with great pride of Monaco, which she describes as "a little wedge between Italy and France that has managed to survive all the upheavals of history." Also discussed are the challenges of parenthood, the differences between American and European cultures, why monarchy can be beneficial, etc. Interestingly, Salinger dwells less upon the expected show business questions in favor of exploring Princess Grace as a person who exudes wisdom and intelligence.

As an actress, Grace Kelly often came off as such an "ice goddess" that it made her moments of warmth even more appealing. And there were more of these than I previously suspected, denoting the range and versatility of an actress who played a sheltered, sexually-naive prig in MOGAMBO, a devoted wife and mother in THE BRIDGES AT TOKO-RI, a two-timing spouse-slash-victim in DIAL M FOR MURDER, a plain-Jane pillar of domestic integrity in THE COUNTRY GIRL, a jet-set playgirl in TO CATCH A THIEF, and a romantically-confused heiress in HIGH SOCIETY. Warner Home Video's GRACE KELLY COLLECTION gives us all of these personas, and, like Grace Kelly herself, they're worth getting to know.

Special features:

Mogambo--theatrical trailer

The Bridges at Toko-Ri--theatrical trailer

Dial M for Murder--"Hitchcock and Dial M", "3D: A Brief History", theatrical trailer

The Country Girl--none

To Catch a Thief--commentary by Peter Bogdanovich and Laurent Bouzereau, "Writing and Casting To Catch a Thief", "The Making of To Catch a Thief", "Alfred Hitchcock and To Catch a Thief: An Appreciation", Edith Head: The Paramount Years", theatrical trailer

High Society--"Cole Porter in Hollywood: True Love", premiere newsreel, radio ads, Tex Avery cartoon ("Millionaire Droopy", 1956), trailers for this and "The Philadelphia Story", production notes (text)

Plus: thirteen colorful mini-posters and production stills and Bing Crosby's personal remembrance of Grace Kelly

Format: Multiple Formats, Box set, Collector's Edition, Color, Dolby, NTSC

Language: English

Region: Region 1 (U.S. and Canada only.)

Official WB Shop
Official Facebook

Street date: July 29

GRACE KELLY COLLECTION -- DVD Review by Porfle

INALIENABLE -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/23/09

 

 

"From the mind of Walter Koenig", erstwhile Ensign Chekov of the Starship Enterprise, comes INALIENABLE (2009), which starts out as a horror tale of a man who isn't quite sure whether he's carrying a deadly parasite or an alien offspring, and ends up itself resembling the unearthly lovechild of SyFy and Lifetime.

Research scientist Eric Norris (Richard Hatch, a veteran of both versions of "Battlestar Galactica") is trying to discover a cure for AIDS while dealing with the endless guilt caused by the death of his wife and son in a car crash in which he was driving. One day his friend brings him a piece of rock that broke off of an alien wessel--sorry, a meteor--that crashed on his property. Eric wakes up the next day to find that the rock has transformed into a jellyfish-like creature and invaded his body, nestling in a pouch-like protrusion over his left hip and sending tendrils throughout his body which intertwine with his vital organs.

It soon becomes apparent that Eric is "pregnant" with something, and when the FBI finds out about this potential alien threat, he must flee along with a sympathetic coworker, Amanda Mayfield (Courtney Peldon), who has fallen in love with him. After giving birth to the grotesque, tentacled baby (which he christens "Benjamin") in a barn, Eric and his new son are captured and placed under strict observation. Meanwhile, Amanda hooks up with a space-case civil rights lawyer named Ellis (Erick Avari) to help free Eric and allow him to have custody of Benjamin without government interference. This results in a courtroom drama in which Benjamin's humanity, or lack thereof, is in bitter dispute.

INALIENABLE begins with all the elements of early David Cronenberg body horror, but that all changes as soon as the proud dad gets a gander at his new butt-ugly baby with the octopus tentacles and goes all sappy. After that it's all tears and hugs and courtroom intrigue designed to tug at our heartstrings. When Eric and Benjamin are reunited in a holding cell under the watchful eyes of coldhearted government types, their impromptu Charlie Chaplin dance will either make you smile or retch. Most interesting is the battle of wits between the two lawyers over Benjamin's basic "human" rights, bringing to mind similar questions about robot sentience as seen on some of the best episodes of shows like "Star Trek" and "The Outer Limits."


Richard Hatch sells his character convincingly and makes his scenes with Courtney Peldon seem a little lopsided by consistently out-acting her. Koenig, as Eric's boss and eventual enemy (for reasons we discover later on), proves that he's a pretty solid screen presence himself when he isn't having to portray the biggest weenie in Starfleet. Special credit goes to Marina Sirtis for her impressive turn as the queen-bitch prosecutor, a far cry from ST:TNG's compassionate Deanna Troi. Other familiar sci-fi faces pop up here and there throughout the story, including Alan Ruck and Tim Russ (both alumni of different Trek incarnations), Richard Herd, Gary Graham, Jay Acovone, Erick Avari, and longtime sci-fi/horror stalwart and stuntwoman Patricia Tallman ("Babylon 5", "Star Trek", the NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD remake).

Production values are adequate but rather spartan, and Robert Dyke directs without a whole lot of energy. The film is low-key to the point of timidity, as though it were aware that someone was taking a nap in the next room and didn't want to wake them up. Some of the courtroom scenes are undercut by the constant drone of strangely soothing music which seems intent on lulling us to sleep ourselves. Worse, Amanda's first meeting with lawyer Ellis is accompanied by an intrusively whimsical tune that lets us know Ellis is supposed to be a funny character, even though he isn't funny.

The alien SPFX aren't very convincing, although it's nice to see something like this done with animatronics and puppetry rather than cheap CGI for a change. The newborn infant is a nicely-rendered creation that's somewhat reminiscent of the baby in ERASERHEAD. Later, the older Benjamin's makeup makes him look more like an aged midget than a cute little alien child, and the less said about his bobbling tentacles the better. Again, however, Richard Hatch does such a good job of interacting with this weird little gremlin that he manages to give their scenes together a surprising amount of pathos.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Surround 2.0 and English subtitles. The sole extra is a trailer, but if you zip to the end of the closing credits you get to see Walter Koenig cutting up on the set for about half a minute.

INALIENABLE's heart is in the right place and for the most part it's a fairly absorbing though slow-moving little sci-fi tale. The first half, with its potentially horrific imagery of an unknown alien lifeform incubating inside a human host, would be good fodder for a Cronenberg film or episode of "The X-Files." The second half, though, is a rather listless stroll through KRAMER VS. KRAMER territory with an ending that fails to generate much tension or suspense. All in all, an amiable little flick that I can neither condemn nor recommend with much enthusiasm.

INALIENABLE -- DVD Review by Porfle

FRANKY AND HIS PALS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted 6/27/20


There are movie lovers who love bad movies--we all know about them. And then there are those hardy souls who take it a whole 'nother step farther than a simple fondness for such films as PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE and MANOS: HANDS OF FATE. These are the people who love bad shot-on-video movies from back in the days of VCRs and camcorders.

Yes, I'm talking about the obscure, murky, mind-numbing video relics of which our subject for today, FRANKY AND HIS PALS (Intervision, 1991), is a prime example. For most people, trying to watch such barrel-scraping stuff would be an insufferable ordeal. For others, it's a special kind of fun that can't really be logically explained.

Suffice it to say, this story of five "classic" monsters (more or less) who happen upon a treasure map and then try to find a cache of hidden gold, is only as good as you imagine it to be. If this is your cup of weak tea, you'll have a ball. If not, you may have a cow just trying to get away from it.

It all begins with the monsters, who have been trapped in a cave for years by a landslide, escaping thanks to the extreme flatulence of gassy monster Franky blowing a boulder away from the entrance.

The others include Drak, Wolfie, Mummy and the parasitic smart-aleck reptile who lives in his tummy, and Humper the lecherous hunchback.  If Drak sounds familiar to you, it's because the actor playing him seems to be attempting to channel Christopher Lloyd. (A helpful disclaimer during the closing credits assures us that "celebrity voice are simulated.")

When Humper produces the treasure map during a poker game, they set off on foot for the small backwoods town where the hotel containing the gold is located. Here, they search for the hidden riches under tables, in books, behind shelves--wherever a fortune in gold wouldn't be in a million years--while a costume party-slash-dance taking place in the hotel keeps them from attracting too much undue attention.

This sets up filmmaker Gerald Cormier (BARN OF THE NAKED DEAD) to give us a parade of bad jokes and vignettes that make "Hee Haw" look like A NIGHT AT THE OPERA. Humper makes good on his name by descending upon every female derriere in sight, while Wolfie hooks up with a gay guy in a tutu named Clover and Mummy can't get anywhere with the ladies because his scaly alter-ego keeps making offensive quips and getting him slapped.

Drak avails himself of an available neck here and there, delivering what is probably the movie's funniest line after one particularly good snack ("Mmm...type O, vintage '65. A very good year!") It all comes to an explosive finale when Franky discovers an entire pot of chili beans cooking on the stove and gulps them down.

The monster makeup is passable when the camera isn't too close to it. Performances are about as good as one might expect, while, surprisingly, the technical aspects actually display a certain rudimentary level of professionalism that lifts this effort above most other shot-on-video fare. 

Serving as backdrop during all the fart and pee-pee jokes, naughty sex scenes, and a climactic bikini contest are some of the worst rock and rap songs one could possibly hope to never hear. Somehow, though, it would spoil much of the fun if they were actually good.

Rounding things off are a peripheral subplot about a mad scientist with a time machine and a couple of black gravediggers whose dialogue is of the "Are you jivin' me?" variety.

The DVD from Intervision is in full frame with English captions. Extras include an interview with actor Eric "Big Franky" Weathersbee, an interview with actor/FX artist Keith "Humper" Lack, an interview with actor Shawn "Clover" West, interviews with members of the "Franky and His Pals" party band, and a "Radio Beach" music video by same.

A disclaimer informs us that the original materials have been lost, and that this DVD print comes from the only surviving element which is a commercial copy of the film. Thus, FRANKY AND HIS PALS looks exactly the way it should look--as though you'd just rented it on VHS from some hole-in-the-wall video store in 1991. I wouldn't have it any other way.


Limited Edition, Hand-Numbered DVD/Limited to 1000 Copies
 

FRANKY AND HIS PALS -- DVD Review by Porfle

HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

  Originally posted on 6/12/20

 

Poor Gary--just when he achieves every man's fondest fantasy (well, many of us, anyway) of being the only guy stranded in a remote location with a bevy of beautiful babes, he gets bitten by a big, hairy mutant arachnid and becomes one of the HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND (Severin Films, 1960).

These days a film like this German trash classic is usually described as "cheesy", which, admittedly, is rather apt since it's cheap, it's goofy, and it has all the dramatic gravitas of a dime-store sex and horror pulp novel come to sordid life.

It's main qualities are either pros or cons, depending on your point of view. Bad movie fans will love the dumb dialogue and situations, florid performances, and overheated plot that has its over-emoting cast either engaged in steamy sex clinches or running from hairy, fanged monsters through the jungle.  

 
The plane crash scene is especially amusing as it consists of stock footage of a burning plane intercut with random closeups of women screaming comically in front of a black background.

But it also has some nice black-and-white photography which at times is actually quite good, as well as actual outdoor locations and some very attractive actresses portraying the stranded women whose plane went down on its way to a gig in Singapore under the supervision of manly showbiz producer Gary (Alexander D’Arcy, THE AWFUL TRUTH, BLOOD OF DRACULA'S CASTLE) and his partner and romantic interest, Georgia (Helga Franck), a stern woman who isn't above bitch-slapping the more unruly gals when they step out of line.

Chief among these is the lush, plush blonde mega-babe Babs (Barbara Valentine, BERLIN ALEXANDERPLATZ), upon whom many male viewers will remain focused for most of her screen time. Others include the more emotionally vulnerable Gladys, the exhibitionist Linda who strips at the drop of a hat (or anything else), and several other attractive aspiring actresses. 

 
Alpha-blonde Babs and a contentious beta-babe engage in the film's central catfight scene which, in the unedited version, features a guest appearance by Babs' boobs. 

While stranded on the island they stay in the cozy cabin of a scientist whose dead body they discovered hanging in a giant spider web in the livingroom, and whose experiments with uranium created the monster spider that will bite poor Gary and turn him into sort of a clawed were-spider with a face even his mother would run screaming from.

The unfortunate Gary disappears for much of the film when a couple of other studly guys enter the picture in their motorboat and find themselves surrounded by amorous females. 

 
One of them, Bob (Reiner Brandt), is a womanizing letch who acts like a kid in a candy store, while the older, more mature Joe (Temple Foster) finds love with one of the less brazen beauties (during a night of drunken revelry for the rest of the gang which, in the uncut version, is also semi-naked) until their jungle meet-cute is interrupted by the return of slavering party-crasher Gary.

This leads to a lively, fun finale with everyone running around the jungle in terror, alternately chasing after and hightailing it away from their resident human-spider-monster as the film draws to a satisfying close for those brave souls who've actually stayed with it all the way.

Severin Films' Blu-ray edition of the film, "scanned from the Düsseldorf dupe negative", looks great all things considered and is likely the best-looking version of the film currently extant. The disc also contains the alternate U.S. version which is dubbed in English and minus the nudity (released in 1963 as "It's Hot In Paradise" although I've only ever known it under its current title). 

 
Bonus features include the featurette "The History of Spider Island" with film historian Prof. Dr. Marcus Stiglegger, an audio interview with actor Alexander D’Arcy ("Gary") by horror historian David Del Valle, alternate "clothed" scenes from the U.S. version, a trailer, reversible box artwork, and a slipcover with yet more different artwork.

There are two kinds of people in the world--those who will find HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND to be unwatchable, unredeemable trash that they wouldn't touch with ten-foot eyeballs, and those who will savor every single minute of it. I'm a happy member of the second group, and if you are too, then I'll meet you on Spider Island!


Buy it from Severin Films

Special Features:

    Alternate US Release Version: IT’S HOT IN PARADISE
    The History of Spider Island With Prof. Dr. Marcus Stiglegger
    Audio Interview with Actor Alexander D’Arcy by Horror Historian David Del Valle
    Alternate Clothed Scenes
    Trailer
    Revisable Artwork
    Comic Book [WEBSTORE EXCLUSIVE]

 Box art:

Reversible box art:

HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

All The Colossal Beast Scenes In "War Of The Colossal Beast" (1958) (video)

Joyce Manning (Sally Fraser) searches for her brother, Glenn...

...who has been transformed by radiation into a giant monster.

The film was produced and directed by Bert I. Gordon.
Gordon specialized in sci-fi thrillers featuring giant people and animals.

Some of his other films include "Attack of the Puppet People"...
..."Village of the Giants", "The Spider", and "Food of the Gods."

This film is a follow-up to "The Amazing Colossal Man" (1957)...
...in which Glenn Manning was played by Glenn Langan.

Langan was replaced by Dean Parkin for this sequel.
Parkin played a similar monster in Gordon's 1957 film "The Cyclops."

The film's finale takes place at Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles...
...which was featured three years earlier in "Rebel Without A Cause."

Sally Fraser can also be seen in "It Conquered the World"...
..."The Spider", "North By Northwest", and "Elmer Gantry."
Her television credits are extensive. She died in January 2019.

The final sequence of the film is in color.

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

All The Colossal Beast Scenes In "War Of The Colossal Beast" (1958) (video)

Slumber Party Girls Meet The Sea Monsters! ("Horror Of Party Beach", 1964) (video)

In this low-budget classic, a teen girls' slumber party is crashed.

Not by boys...

...but by scaly, bloodthirsty mutants from the ocean's depths.

The lucky ones will perish quickly...

...while others are carried away by the horrible creatures!


(Read our review of the movie HERE)


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Slumber Party Girls Meet The Sea Monsters! ("Horror Of Party Beach", 1964) (video)

Which Looks Dumber: "THE GIANT CLAW" or "REPTILICUS"? (video)

Two of the silliest-looking creations in horror movie history...

...are the jerky marionette monsters of "The Giant Claw" (1957) and "Reptilicus" (1961).

But which looks dumber? You decide from the trailers...


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Which Looks Dumber: "THE GIANT CLAW" or "REPTILICUS"? (video)

"THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY": SEVEN REVEALS (Screen Adaptations of the Novel by Oscar Wilde) (video)

"The Picture of Dorian Gray": Seven Reveals

"The Picture of Dorian Gray" (1945): Hurd Hatfield
"Golden Showcase: The Picture of Dorian Gray" (1961): John Fraser/ makeup by Dick Smith
"The Picture of Dorian Gray" (1973): Shane Briant
"The Picture of Dorian Gray" (1976): Peter Firth
"The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen" (2003): Stuart Townsend
"Dorian Gray" (2009): Ben Barnes
"Penny Dreadful" (2014-16): Reeve Carney

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

"THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY": SEVEN REVEALS (Screen Adaptations of the Novel by Oscar Wilde) (video)

GHOST OF GOODNIGHT LANE -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 5/26/14

These days, when you see that a movie has Billy Zane in it, you never know if he's going to actually apply himself or just wander through it until somebody hands him a check.  Maybe it says something for his latest flick, the Dallas-based spookfest GHOST OF GOODNIGHT LANE (2014), that he seems to muster up what comes as close to a performance as you're likely to see from him in something not on the same sea level as, say, TITANIC.

Here, Billy not only displays his best deadpan sense of humor but even wears funny hats as Alan, the crotchety head honcho of a no-budget production facility that churns out crappy movies.  Next to the larger building which houses his soundstage, there's a little old house which is used for editing and other post-production work.  A little old house that's--as Alan and his crew will discover--is haunted.

No time is lost setting things up.  Familiar actor Richard Tyson, who played the bully in THREE O'CLOCK HIGH and also shows up in such films as BLACK HAWK DOWN and BLACK WATERS OF ECHO POND, is the first to die when he's left alone in the house one night to finish editing a sequence and runs afoul of what appears to be a freaky-looking young female ghost who seems very agitated and very angry.  I watched this part right before going to bed, and yes, it did give me the creeps.

After the messy business of  his demise is dealt with (the police rule it an accident) Alan and the rest apply themselves to finishing their latest piece of crap as ominous storm clouds gather around the studio.  We meet his makeup girl Dani (the eternally cute Lacey Chabert), music and sound guy Amin (Lynn Andrews III), fill-in editor/janitor/Dani's boyfriend Ben (Matt Dallas, BEAUTY & THE BRIEFCASE), and the resident needs-a-shower loser Johnny (Adam Whittington), who runs the camera while lusting after actresses such as the plastic-enhanced blonde bimbo Laurel (Christine Bently Quinn).

Creepy-quirky little ghostly pranks occur all morning as you-know-who displays her mischievous side,  while Alan tries to shrug it all off in order to keep everyone from running out on him.  This is made more difficult when Thelma (Allyn Carrell), a weird old lady who claims to have once lived in the little house, suddenly shows up and reveals the whole story of who the ghost is, why she's there, and what she plans to do.  And it ain't pretty.

The movie continues in this vein until finally genre superstar Danielle Harris (HALLOWEEN series, CYRUS, BLACK WATERS OF ECHO POND, CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2, THE VICTIM) as Chloe shows up with fellow thespians Micah (the also-cute Brina Palencia) and musclebound himbo Nico (the not-so-cute John Franklin) to get the ball rolling on what turns out to be the funniest part of the film, the big funky dance scene.  We get to see Alan the director at work here as he urges his performers to be ever more sexy and then foists product placement items upon them in the form of Uzis and "Muscle Milk" health drinks.  ("Muscle Milk" is actually mentioned in the closing credits, making it a genuine product placement item.)

With all this out of the way,  it's finally time for GHOST OF GOODNIGHT LANE to stop farting around and start bringing on the scary, which it does in a big way when the ectoplasm finally hits the fan around the midway point.  Despite all the tongue-in-cheek humor (which continues to amuse even after things get really serious) the story takes a deadly turn involving some pretty effective scares along with wince-inducing violence (one actress is confronted by the decaying, gibbering ghost and is made to slice herself to ribbons with pieces of a broken mirror) and just-plain "WTF?" moments such as one character suddenly flying around the room in fast motion and banging into walls until he's finally sucked through a trapdoor in the floor. 

Director and co-writer Alin Bijan (BELLS OF INNOCENCE) fills the movie with so many shocks both big and small that some of them can't help but score while others fall flat.  (In addition to which, this gang of idiots seems to specialize in sneaking up on each other and going "Boo!")  The ghost, whom we'll come to know as "Carly" (Sophia Arias), is a direct descendant of the stringy-haired young dead girls dressed in rags from such films as THE RING who appear several yards away at first and then instantly jut into screaming close-up, while moving around in jittery, jerkily-edited fast-motion.  One such instance caught on camera made me laugh out loud when budget-conscious Alan remarks, "Was that CGI?  I did NOT approve that."

Before it's all over, we get more cringeworthy instances of self-mutilation (one involving a spinning fan blade), some strange supernatural anomalies, spooky bedroom and bathroom-type scenes with dolls and mirrors, a possession-enhanced catfight (Lacey Chabert punching out Danielle Harris goes on my mental keeper reel), and a bad-CGI-slathered finale.

The DVD from Inception Media Group is in 16x9 widescreen with 5.1 surround sound with English subtitles and closed-captions.  A trailer is the sole extra. (Don't miss the final scene which appears after the end credits have already started rolling.)

At least we get a different set of stereotypes here besides the usual jocks, nerds, and camp counsellors (although there's no shortage of bimbos and horndogs), and the whole thing just kind of ambles along in an agreeable way until some quite watchable mayhem perks up the second half.  And with Billy Zane seemingly enjoying his time spent filming GHOST OF GOODNIGHT LANE, we get to see him actually invest part of his talent into his performance while remaining his casual, Zane-y self.

GHOST OF GOODNIGHT LANE -- DVD Review by Porfle