ROCK THE PAINT -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/2/08

 

Described as a "racially-charged fish-out-of-water basketball movie", director Phil Bertelsen's ROCK THE PAINT is about a couple of Jewish white boys from rural Indiana who endure the usual culture shock when their widowed father gets a teaching job in Newark, New Jersey. The older teen, Josh (Douglas Smith) wants to play basketball, while his nine-year-old brother Tim (Sam Stone) suffers from the delusion that he's an aspiring rapper. As you might guess, both come into conflict with various urban black teens in their new 'hood, while Dad struggles to convince the black students in his class that he's qualified to teach about the civil rights movement in the 60s.

Less than five minutes into the movie, I was already starting to hate these kids. Josh and Tim steal a tractor from the farmer who allows them to live on his land and destroy much of his cornfield just for laughs. This gets the whole family evicted, yet the rebellious Josh is not only unrepentant, but also indignant that they're moving just so Dad can find gainful employment. When the script calls for it, Douglas Smith starts jerking around wildly and bellowing his head off to express intense emotions, but the rest of the time he's barely there.

As Tim, Sam Stone struts around like a pint-sized gangsta, grabbing his crotch and saying stuff like "F--- off, beeyotch!" in what I assume is intended to be comedy relief. In short, he's one of those obnoxious child actors who, instead of really acting, broadly mimics adult performances he's seen. Meanwhile, Christopher Innvar as Dad is about as charismatic as Stephen Lack in SCANNERS.

The black characters consist of the usual types you'd expect. There's Antwon (Kevin Phillips), who's initially hostile toward Josh but warms up to him when they end up on the same Catholic school basketball team. Jas Anderson plays T-Bone, the vile-o-lent tough guy who hates Josh and resents Antwon for betraying their friendship, eventually switching schools and joining the bad guy basketball team. Antwon's deaf sister Keisha (Joanna Hartshorne) provides a momentary bright spot in the story as she and Josh tentatively begin a romantic relationship, but this doesn't really go anywhere.

Most of the story is visually hustled along using montages full of hyperactive editing, spaz-cam, and a nonstop cacophony of songs to clue us in on how to feel each time the scene changes. We know Dad is falling in love with one of his students, a nice Asian lady named Sunny (Karen Tsen Lee), because every once in a while we're shown a few seconds of them holding hands in a cafe or cuddling next to some Chinese dragons. Abrupt transitions lead to scenes with woozy, streaky camera effects to reflect the characters' innermost feelings when they aren't barking awkward dialogue at each other.

Even the big climactic basketball game, presented as a slapdash music-based montage, is drained of any suspense the moment Josh takes the court and his annoying "go white boy" theme starts to play on an endless loop for the rest of the sequence. As expected, the dejected good guy team goes into the locker room down by a huge margin at the halfway point, only to make a miraculous comeback once Josh shows up. The fact that we never see the players and the cheering onlookers in the same shot gives it all a strangely dislocated feeling.

I have to hand it to writer Dallas Brennan for one thing, though--I certainly didn't expect him to end this sequence, and the movie, the way he did. Something totally out of left field happens, and then a couple of brief wrap-up scenes usher us to an unresolved fadeout before we have time to say "Huh?"

The DVD is 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with 5.1 Dolby Digital sound. Extras include a behind-the-scenes featurette, deleted scenes, two trailers, and scenes from several festivals, including Tribeca, where the film appears to have been warmly received.

These film festival attendees and various online reviews that I've read express widely-differing reactions to ROCK THE PAINT than mine, so your mileage may vary. For me, though, it was less like rocking the paint and more like watching it dry.

 

ROCK THE PAINT -- DVD Review by Porfle

ALIEN AGENT -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

 

Canadian sci-fi/action flick ALIEN AGENT (2007) began as a somewhat more ambitious vehicle for Dolph Lundgren. First announced in 2000, it went through several proposed cast members and directors (including Sidney J. Furie, John Fries, and Roger Christian), and an apparent reduction in scope, before finally going before the cameras in 2006 with "The Crow: Stairway to Heaven" star Mark Dacascos in the lead and acclaimed stunt coordinator Jesse Johnson (PIT FIGHTER) in the director's chair.

Dacascos plays Rykker, an intergalactic lawman who is trying to stop fellow aliens Saylon (Billy Zane) and Isis (Amelia Cooke) from opening up a wormhole between their planet and Earth to facilitate their conquest of the human race. 

After Isis and her goons murder the only remaining family of truckstop waitress Julie (Emma Lahana, "Power Rangers"), she hooks up with Rykker to help him stop the invaders and falls in love with him in the process. Meanwhile, the construction of a stargate between the two planets continues in an abandoned power station, where the final battle for Earth's fate will take place.

Despite the loftier aims initially attached to this project, the final result doesn't look much different from standard Sci-Fi Channel fare, but with extra violence and brief nudity added. Vlady Pildysh's sketchy script is pure pulp, with good aliens vs. bad aliens (who have taken over human bodies so that very little special makeup is required) battling each other with guns and martial arts in normal everyday settings. Even the stargate which features prominently in the finale is little more than a big, rotating plastic ring with some CGI sparkles added.

What ALIEN AGENT does have going for it is an abundance of action. Blazing shoot-em-ups and fierce hand-to-hand battles occur in quick succession with brief snippets of story to link them together. The martial arts sequences are well-staged and convincingly executed, and are edited so that the rapid-fire shots flow together very smoothly. The gunfights and car chases are similarly impressive, with an abundance of satisfying explosions and other mayhem. 

One early moment which got my attention shows warrior woman Isis firing a bazooka from a moving truck and blasting the pursuing Rykker's car right off the road, all in one shot; another finds her blowing up half the cars and trucks in a parking lot as Rykker makes off in another vehicle. The only detriment in these scenes is director Johnson's unfortunate tendency to try and accentuate the action with jittery zoom-in, zoom-out camarawork, which never fails to make even big-budget movies look rinky-dink (as Michael Bay demonstrated in THE ROCK's big San Francisco car chase).

Dacascos, with his soulful demeanor and martial arts skills, is well-suited for the role of Rykker, while Emma Lahana makes for a spunky sidekick. On the bad alien side, Amelia Cooke plays a pretty convincing Isis, but Billy Zane doesn't appear to be investing much in the role of the evil leader Saylon; in fact, he seems to be having more fun playing the baseball-capped yahoo whose body Saylon inhabits upon his arrival on Earth. In a lesser role, the great Kim Coates, who was Chet in the celebrated "Touch me again, I'll kill ya" scene from THE LAST BOY SCOUT, makes a welcome appearance as a sniveling human scientist in league with his future alien overlords.

DVD specs include 1:78:1 widescreen, Spanish subtitles, and a trailer. This Allumination Filmworks release is rated R for violence and brief nudity, the latter consisting mainly of a nude shot of a showering Julie which appears to have been done by a body double with great abs.

Though not quite the sci-fi epic originally conceived, ALIEN AGENT is an action-packed diversion that's fun to watch as long as you keep your expectations low.

 

ALIEN AGENT -- DVD Review by Porfle

BORDER LOST -- DVD review by porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/1/08

 

The tagline reads "3 men, 2000 miles, and a ton of ammo." Hmm...so far, so good.

According to the foreword, illegal immigrants crossing the border from Mexico into the U.S. are constantly being preyed upon by sadistic Mexican bandoleros. BORDER LOST (2008) is the story of a small U.S. task force trying to keep this from happening even as clueless politicians are trying to shut them down.

When one of their number is murdered and his fiancee kidnapped by the most vile outlaw leader, Hector, the three remaining "desert cowboys" (as they are called by the locals) ignore orders to stay out of Mexico and cross the border armed to the teeth and mad as hell.

Their leader is the hardbitten veteran cop Manny, played by Emilio Roso. Roso has an old style tough-guy face and a weighty presence, whether he's working over a bad guy or playing a tender love scene with the beautiful Vanessa (Marian Zapico).

His partner, Gabe (Protasio) is another experienced cop who's handy with a gun although he tends to go off half-cocked at times. Jake (Wes McGee), the rookie member of the group, is invaluable as a dead-eyed sniper.

In a harrowing scene early on, we see a group of illegal immigrants on a nighttime trek through the desert being robbed and terrorized by Hector's thugs, who rape and kill at their whim. Then we get our first look at the cowboys in action as they bust some bad guys in a dingy bordertown.

The action is lean, well-staged, and exciting. Plenty of shoot-outs and other graphically violent incidents occur along the way, with circumstances causing the agents to become increasingly ruthless and driven by rage, leading up to their daring and bloody siege against Hector and his men at their desert compound.

The freestyle direction by David Murphy and Scott Peck, which takes full advantage of some great authentic locations, is sometimes just as over-the-top as the acting, and the whole thing is often topped with a generous layer of Monterey Jack cheese. This isn't necessary a detriment, though, especially if you're jonesing for a quick action-flick fix.

DVD specs include a letterboxed 1:78:1 image, optional Spanish subtitles, and a trailer. Image and sound are good, with an effective Latin-tinged score by Christopher Peck.

The sun-bleached, documentary-style look of the film resembles the Mexico sequences in Steven Soderbergh's TRAFFIC. It also tries to duplicate that movie's realistic performances and verisimilitude, but this is most often overcome by action-movie cliches and pure melodrama. Strangely enough, the combination seems to work. BORDER LOST is, at its heart, a shoot-em-up revenge flick that Schwarzenegger and Seagal fans should enjoy, but with a unique ambience and attitude of its own.

BORDER LOST -- DVD review by porfle

DEATH VALLEY -- DVD review by porfle

Four friends from the city attend a rave in the middle of the Mojave desert, run afoul of a gang of local psychos on dirt bikes, and spend the rest of the movie trying to survive and escape back to civilization. That's all you need to know about the plot of DEATH VALLEY, aka "Mojave" (2004). As in other movies of this type, most of the entertainment value comes not from great plotting, acting, or dialogue (although those do tend to help), but in how well the filmmakers can do action and suspense. First time writer-directors David Kebo and Rudi Liden do them pretty well. Not exceptionally, but well enough to hold our interest till the fadeout.

Eric Christian Olsen plays Josh, a harried cubicle dweller who's looking forward to a fun weekend in the desert with his pals to celebrate his birthday. Olsen was already on my good side from his role as a dopey blonde himbo in the hilarious NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE, and here he does a pretty good job in the lead. Rider Strong also turns in a good performance as Daniel, the wimpy rich kid who wants to rebel against his dad while continuing to spend his money. Bumper Robinson and Wayne Young round out the group as Anthony and Brick, while Genevieve Cortese plays Amber, a girl who tags along with them after the rave and later regrets it.

After discovering Daniel's SUV vandalized the next morning, the group accuses a couple of scruffy-looking locals of the deed. One of them, Reno, is played by Vince Vieluf, who was Seth Green's moronic brother in RAT RACE. He's basically the same character here, only evil. The situation erupts into violence and shots are fired, leaving Reno's buddy dying of a stomach wound and Brick with a bloody hole through his foot. Things go from bad to worse, until our erstwhile partiers find themselves holed up in a cave with an entire gang of murderous desert rats out for their blood.

What follows is pretty much DELIVERANCE in the desert, with Josh and the rest forced to draw upon their primitive survival instincts to fight off the bad guys. There's nothing really imaginative here--just your basic cat-and-mouse stuff that we've seen in a thousand movies. Some of the good guys will die, and some of them will overcome the odds and survive. Kebo and Liden won't win any awards for movies like this, but they're competent filmmakers and DEATH VALLEY is fairly involving and fun to watch. In fact, it's just the sort of thing that used to go over well back in the old drive-in days when teenagers were in the mood for an action flick that they didn't have to think about. Nowadays, I imagine such films are best watched with a group of rowdy guys and a few six-packs.

As I said, the performances range from adequate to good on most counts. The main flaw of DEATH VALLEY, however, is the miscasting of Dash Mihok as the leader of the bad guys. Someone like THE ROAD WARRIOR's "Humongous" was needed here, but instead we get Dom, a thoroughly tepid excuse for a hardbitten sadist-type. ("Dom"?) He's about as threatening as an overgrown playground bully trembling with insecurities. He's also not too bright--in one scene, he has a hapless captive spread out over the hood of his truck before putting a bullet through the guy's brain, which is fine except that he's shooting his own truck at the same time. Duh-uhh. The rest of the time you wonder why the other grizzled psychos are taking orders from this lame-o. Dash was pretty good in a comedy I saw sometime last year entitled LOVELESS IN LOS ANGELES, and I think he should stick to comedy. Trying to act like a badass doesn't suit him.

The DVD has an aspect ratio of 1.66:1 with 5.1 surround sound and Spanish subtitles. Extras include a directors' commentary, a brief making-of featurette, about 18 minutes of alternate and deleted scenes, a gag reel, and trailers for this and other Allumination releases.

I've seen this described as a horror film, but if that's what you're expecting you'll probably be disappointed because it really isn't one. (Unless you consider DELIVERANCE to be a horror film.) However, if you're looking for a decent action thriller with a fair amount of violence and suspense, on about the same level as the stuff we used to watch through our windshields on the old outdoor screen, then DEATH VALLEY should fit the bill.

DEATH VALLEY -- DVD review by porfle

BABY BLUES -- DVD review by porfle

Whoa--I must say, this movie took a rather shocking turn I didn't expect. When I started watching BABY BLUES (2008) I had no idea what it was about, so I was on the lookout for the usual horror elements to start popping up. The setting, an isolated rural farmhouse in Georgia with a typical family of six--Mom, Dad, two boys, a girl, and a baby--seemed ripe for ghostly occurrences of some sort, or maybe a possession or an axe-wielding maniac. And that scarecrow that keeps giving Mom the heebie-jeebies sure seems like it might come to life at any moment. But the real horror that strikes this family isn't supernatural, and it doesn't come from outside.

I almost hate to give away any more about it, but the pivotal event in the story happens so early on that I wouldn't be able to talk about the movie otherwise. To put it bluntly, BABY BLUES is pretty much inspired by the case of crazed Texas housewife Andrea Yates, who murdered all of her children in one fell psychotic swoop back in '01. (At least, that's what this "based on a true story" story brought to my mind.) The "baby blues" of the title refers to postnatal depression--perhaps "psychosis" would be more apt--which has Mom (Colleen Porch) wandering around with black circles under her eyes while drifting in and out of a state of hallucinatory paranoia. We also see her reading (gasp!) the Bible in her first scene, rarely a good sign in a modern horror film.

Her family, on the other hand, is pretty normal and well-adjusted. Dad (Joel Bryant) is an easygoing lug who unfortunately has to spend much of his time driving a big rig. Jimmy (Ridge Canipe), the oldest, is a typical boy who plays baseball and carries a slingshot. Holden Thomas Maynard and Kali Majors are younger siblings Sammy and Cathy, and bringing up the rear is the new baby, Nathan. Jimmy's starting to notice that Mom isn't quite her usual self lately, but nobody suspects what will happen when she finally flips out during Dad's absence and begins to see her children as vile creatures who need to be severely punished.

I don't know what your tolerance level is for seeing bad things happen to little kids in movies, but BABY BLUES will definitely test it. Mom's breakdown leads to one murder, an attempted bathtub drowning, and various other acts of violence until finally there's a bloody stabbing that may have you picking your jaw up off the floor. After that, the surviving kids run for their lives as the suspense becomes almost unbearable for the rest of the film. Most movies would build up to a sequence this intense as a finale, but this one hits a high tension level about a third of the way through and more or less sustains it till the end.

As Mom, Colleen Porch ably conveys her slow descent into madness and the hysterical homicidal rage that finally bursts forth. There's a great early scene in which, after hearing that a former classmate has scored a job doing the local TV weather report, a haggard Mom stands in front of the bathroom mirror with a bright smile and recites "Tonight will be mostly cloudy, with a slight chance of rain" over and over, until the smile gradually becomes hideous and the phrase itself seems to boil over with bitterness and despair. The kids all give realistic performances, especially 13-year-old Ridge Canipe as Jimmy. He's just about as believably natural as a child actor can get and we can't help but pull for him as he tries to protect his siblings and himself. The authentic Southern accents and atmosphere are also a plus.

The direction by Lars E. Jacobson and Amardeep Kaleka is first-rate as are the editing and the cinematography, which has a rustic warmth in the daytime scenes that gives way to a colder, harsher look later on. Michael Filimowicz's music augments the action well without competing with it.

The DVD is 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital sound and Spanish subtitles. I watched a screener so I can't comment on any extras, but the promotional info mentions a behind-the-scenes documentary and a trailer.

This isn't about some cool serial killer in a hockey mask slaughtering a bunch of vapid teenagers in delightfully gory ways, and the fact that the setting is so normal and the events so plausible makes it all the more horrifying. Each death is tragic and hurtful to watch, and the suspense leading up to them is dreadful. Impeccably made and intensely effective, BABY BLUES more than succeeds in what it sets out to do, but boy, is it ever hard to watch. And you may suffer from a bad case of postcinematic depression when it's over.

BABY BLUES -- DVD review by porfle

305 -- DVD review by porfle

If you haven't already seen the smash hit YouTube video "305", which has gotten several million hits since its July 2007 debut, then you may want to do so now--I'll wait.

Okay, now that you're back, you may be interested to know that this clever take-off on the recent Spartans vs. Persians epic 300 has been expanded into a feature-length mockumentary, also titled 305 (2008). The plus-five guys are the same group of cowardly rejects from the earlier short, ordered by King Leonidas to guard a goat path but ultimately responsible for the defeat of the Spartan army. They're forced into hiding, but two years later, as Persia prepares to launch a final assault on Sparta, our five non-heroes--Claudius, Darryl, Shazaam, Demetrius the Blind, and Testiclees--must band together once again in order to thwart the enemy and save the day.

It sounds stupid, and it is. It's also pretty funny--not riotous, but about as funny as good sketch comedy like SCTV or Mr. Show, with a wonderfully deadpan absurdity that carries almost every scene. With elements of THE OFFICE and MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL, the satirical targets include LORD OF THE RINGS, THE MATRIX, and THE ODYSSEY, among other things.

When Claudius is kidnapped from his job at a family restaurant called Spartie's and imprisoned by the Persians, the rest of the group set off on a perilous journey to rescue him, encountering such characters as an angry giant and a huckster who sells them worthless crap like "invisibility powder" in exchange for their food and water. Meanwhile, Claudius cheerfully endures endless whippings ("it's like hundreds of tiny kisses") while organizing several of the guards into an enthusiastic book club.

The five main characters are wonderfully fleshed out for the feature. Tim Larson is great as the portly Claudius, with his ever-present coffee cup that never seems to run out. Co-scripter Brandon Tyra plays the comparatively competent Testiclees like a dazed beach bum. Sunny Peabody is Demetrius the Blind, now tickling the ivories in a tavern along with his faithful dog Zeus. Ed Portillo plays the ethnically-ambiguous Shazaam, and Heaven Peabody rounds out the group as Testiclees' love interest, Aurillia. On the Persian side, Les Jennings is the comically nasty commander (his pep talk to the troops includes the reminder "Charge in the same direction as everyone else"), and Nate Hopkins returns as the scary guy with the carrot sticking out of his forehead.

My favorite, though, is the supremely conceited yet grossly stupid and cowardly Darryl (David Schultz). Darryl seems to enjoy the Persians' dreaded Purple Nurple torture a little too much, and when the mystical Oracle that they seek for guidance turns out to be a wildly flamboyant "he-she" who prances like Britney Spears, it's love at first sight for the clueless Darryl. Visually, he's like a pudgy office drone at a medieval-themed costume party.

The audio and (1:85:1) video are much like that of the YouTube short, only bigger. Almost the whole movie uses green screen with lush, well-rendered backdrops, giving it an agreeably cartoonish quality. In addition to two (directors and cast) commentaries, bonuses include the original short, behind-the-scenes featurettes, deleted material (including an alternate ending and an electrocution scene that should've been in the final cut), and bloopers.

With a very small budget and limited resources, directors Daniel and David Holecheck have managed to put together a pretty nifty comedy here. There's even a fairly good battle scene at the end, and an overall sense of imaginative fun throughout. 305 may not be non-stop uproarious hilarity, but it's so good-natured and loaded with goofy gags, slapstick, and funny dialogue (much of it improvised) that I couldn't help but enjoy it. Not bad for an expanded YouTube video.

305 -- DVD review by porfle

"305" -- The First Feature To Be Made From a Viral Video Comes To DVD

From Allumination Filmworks: What began as an on-line viral phenomenon; a low-budget, five-minute parody that hit the Web around the same time "300" hit theaters and was simultaneously featured on YouTube, MySpace TV and Yahoo! Video "305" was the #1 most-viewed comedy and the #2 most-viewed video on YouTube during July 2007, and became one of the 400 most-viewed internet videos of all time (as tracked by VidMeter.com).

The original short attracted such a rabid following that the writer/director team of Daniel and David Holechek were quickly approached to expand the idea. One month was all it took to shoot the entire feature-length film using the same onscreen talent as the short, making 305 the first viral video to transition to a narrative feature film.

305 is a mockumentary detailing the misadventures of five not-so-brave members of the Spartan army charged with guarding a seemingly ordinary goat path. But when their actions lead to the death of King Leonidas and his army of 300 men, the five are forced into hiding. But with Sparta cowering under the threat of Persian invasion, Claudius, Darryl, Demetrius the Blind, Shazaam and Testicleese must band together once more and become true warriors. Do they have what it takes to save the day? Smartly funny and based entirely on historical fact (allegedly), 305 proves that even the biggest losers get lucky sometimes.

The comically irresistible mockumentary feature film, "305" arrives on DVD on July 8 from Allumination FilmWorks. The DVD features extras including bonus scenes, commentary track, three featurettes, a blooper reel and the original 305 short film. Suggested retail price is $29.98.

"305" -- The First Feature To Be Made From a Viral Video Comes To DVD

MOOLA -- DVD review by porfle

No doubt about it--a movie about people gluing liquid-filled glowsticks onto cows' asses sounds farcical and, frankly, really stupid. But surprisingly, MOOLA (2007) is neither. In fact, the glowsticks-on-cows-asses thing not only makes sense, but it actually happened in real life. Who the heck would make up something like that?

Steve (William Mapother, WORLD TRADE CENTER, THE GRUDGE) is part-owner of a failing glowstick company who sees dollar signs when some dairy farmers come up with a new use for his product that could revolutionize dairy farming. I'm not going to describe it--you'll just have to find out for yourself. So things are finally looking up for Steve and his partner Harry (Daniel Baldwin), and it's about time, too, since they're both having really bad financial and marital problems. But in order to cash in, they have to strike a deal with an exceptionally sleazy corporate shark named J.T. Montgomery (Douglas Hutchison) who you just know is gonna screw 'em over big time.

I had a bad feeling about this movie thanks to its punny title (MOO-LA, get it?) and wince-inducing tagline ("How now, cash cow?"), but this began to dissipate as soon as I found out that it's really a genial, rather heartfelt story that doesn't try too hard to be laugh-out-loud funny and is sufficiently grounded in reality that you can actually care about the characters as real people. Steve and his estranged wife Nora (Charlotte Ross) have realistic problems and so do Harry and Louise (Annabelle Gurwitch, "Dinner and a Movie", DADDY DAY CARE), although the latter couple's antics are played more for laughs. And their high-level business dealings with crooked dairy industry mogul J.T., in which they're woefully out of their league, generate real suspense.

William Mapother, funny and endearing as Steve, heads a terrific cast. I've liked Daniel Baldwin ever since he played a cop on "Homicide: Life on the Streets", and comedy-wise, he's settled into that cuddly, Fred Flintstone thing that seems to affect all Baldwin brothers sooner or later. Curtis Armstrong of REVENGE OF THE NERDS and "Moonlighting" is on hand as Steve and Harry's semi-inept legal consultant, and the gorgeous Charlotte Ross, who used to be a regular on "NYPD Blue" although I remember her most fondly from the "Teacher Pets" episode of "Married With Children", is convincing as someone Steve would desperately yearn to get back together with. Treat Williams also turns up in a couple of scenes to give the film a little added star power.

The standout, however, is Douglas Hutchison as J.T. He's such an effective actor that I actually savor his performances, whether he's playing one of "The X-Files"' most memorable villains, Eugene Tooms, or the palpably vile Percy Wetmore in THE GREEN MILE. This may be a comedy, but Hutchison gives us a character that is no less effective for that. His Percy Wetmore-like J.T. is wonderfully greedy, slimy, conceited, self-centered, and petty--a genuinely formidable nemesis for our hapless heroes--and adds a whole extra dimension to the film.

The 1:85:1 widescreen image and Dolby 5.1 sound are just fine for a movie like this. I mean, we're not talking LAWRENCE OF ARABIA here. Extras include a brief promotional featurette, about ten minutes of deleted scenes, and trailers for this and other Allumination Filmworks releases. The opening titles themselves are a lot of fun, with a series of "Far Side"-type animated cow cartoons by Leigh Rubin of the Illusion Factory.

Oh yeah, and there's also an informative commentary by director Don Most. You may recognize him better as "Donny" Most, who played Ralph Malph on "Happy Days", and as a director he seems to know his way around the other side of the camera quite well. Although it's hardly likely to earn a hallowed place in the comedy film pantheon, MOOLA is well-acted, capably made, and (forgive me, but I don't get to use this pun very often) "udderly" enjoyable. (GROAN!!!)

MOOLA -- DVD review by porfle

CALL OF THE WILD -- DVD review by porfle

Though I don't remember all that much about Jack London's novel, CALL OF THE WILD, it quickly becomes apparent that this TV-movie, culled from the two-part pilot for a series that ran for 13 episodes back in 2000, has little or nothing to do with the original story of a trapper named John Thornton and his beloved sled dog, Buck, who answered the "call of the wild" after the man's death and became the leader of a wolf pack. Nick Mancuso plays a character named John Thornton, a former guide now settled down with a family and running the town's trading post. But here, he neither knows Buck nor is he dead.

The snowy Yukon setting is the same, though. Filmed on scenic Vancouver locations, this is the story of a turn-of-the-century frontier town and the trappers, prospectors, and other characters who inhabit it. Miles Challenger (Shane Meier) is a young man who lives with his mother, Adoley (Rachel Hayward) and stepfather, John Thornton. Thornton is determined that Miles finish school, but the boy is in a hurry to grow up and wants to become a guide as soon as possible.

Miles' life is changed when he first encounters an amazing sled dog named Buck. The first half of the movie tells of his unsuccessful attempt to buy Buck at a sled dog auction, losing out to a mail carrier named Swede. During their first run together, Buck tangles with Swede's vicious lead dog, Spitz, and almost dies while dragging Swede and the other dogs to safety after a terrible snowstorm. The second half finds Swede forced to sell Buck to some traveling tenderfeet from the city, the Levants. Miles takes on the job as their guide so that he can care for the still-recovering Buck, but finds his survival skills put to the ultimate test when the spoiled, irresponsible Levants get a whiff of gold along the way and carelessly lead the party into grave danger.

Shane Meier (THE MATTHEW SHEPARD STORY), who at 15 played Clint Eastwood's young son in UNFORGIVEN, now plays the 15-year-old Miles at age 23. So he's definitely adept at appearing younger than he really is. Meier is a good actor who's convincing in the role of a headstrong, yet conscientious youth who must learn from his mistakes. The rest of the characters are well-cast, especially Miles' stepfather, Thornton--as a Nick Mancuso fan from all the way back to his 1979 horror flick NIGHTWING, I'm always happy to see him in a good role. In a brief epilogue, Hugh O'Brian makes a welcome appearance as the older Miles. And, as dog performers go, Buck himself is pretty awesome--he should definitely win some kind of doggy Oscar for this.

The DVD features a standard full-screen image with Dolby Digital sound. Extras consist of a trailer, previews of other Allumination Filmworks releases, and Spanish subtitles. The film is enhanced by lush cinematography and a heroic score which suggests that composer Hal Beckett is an Elmer Bernstein fan.

This is pretty solid family-friendly entertainment for a TV pilot, with a rich sense of period authenticity and fine production values. The ill-fated journey of Miles and the Levants is particularly exciting and suspenseful, ending with a perilous attempt to cross the cracking ice of a not-quite-frozen river. If you're a sucker for this kind of atmospheric, Jack London-inspired Yukon adventure stuff like I am, CALL OF THE WILD is well worth curling up with on a cold, snowy night. Or whatever your local weather happens to be at the moment.

CALL OF THE WILD -- DVD review by porfle

MIST: THE TALE OF A SHEEPDOG PUPPY -- DVD review by porfle

With a cute little puppy dog gazing at me from the DVD cover and a title like MIST: THE TALE OF A SHEEPDOG PUPPY, I approached this 2006 British telefilm with a queasy feeling, fully expecting to hurl robustly at some point during its 75-minute running time. But I needn't have worried, because it's really a rather enjoyable little production that not only entertains, but actually manages to be quite moving in spots. Don't tell the guys I said that, though, or I'll be in for the razzing of my life.

Shot on video for what must've been a pocket-change budget, MIST takes place at the rustic Borough Farm which overlooks the ocean. Gail the sheepdog has just given birth to three puppies named Storm, Drift, and Mist. Her father, the grizzled old veteran Sir Gregory, puts the puppies through sheepdog boot camp, teaching them the rules and tricks of the game.

Mist proves the most adept and stays on to finish training at the farm while Storm and Drift are given away to other families. The other sheepdogs include Jake, the genial comedy-relief whose main attributes are his long legs and his knowledge of sticks; Swift and her son Ernie; and Fern, a jealous conniver whose vanity is threatened by the up-and-coming Mist. Fern supplies most of the drama as she constantly plots against our heroine and gets her into all kinds of trouble.

Technically, this is as far removed from the CGI-enhanced realism of BABE as you can get. It took a while to get used to entire conversations consisting of dog closeups with the dialogue dubbed in, but before long I caught myself going along with it. Most of it is scripted, while some of the best parts are the ones in which the dialogue is tailored to fit various serendipitous bits of footage (such as two dogs joining paws as though sealing a pact). As the story progressed, I became familiar with the characters and their individual traits and found the whole thing pretty engaging.

These Border Collies are actual working sheepdogs and when we see them expertly going about their jobs it's pretty fascinating. The rest of the time, what must have been copious amounts of raw footage are mined for their most usable shots and pieced together to form the narrative. You have to hand it to the editors for managing to construct sequences such as Swift and Ernie cornering a protective mother sheep so that her lamb can be tagged with an ID number.

Some segments have considerable charm, as when Mist fails her first test as a sheepdog and sits sulking beside a nearby pond. A flock of ducks named Josie, Jessica, Joyce, Janet, and Steve obligingly offer to help her practice by pretending to be sheep and letting her herd them. She herds them right into the farmhouse where the ladies help themselves to a cake sitting on the Boss' kitchen table. "What is it with you lot and cake?" asks Steve.

While not always matching up with stunning precision to the images, the voice work is first-rate. The cast includes Brian Blessed, best known as FLASH GORDON's Prince Vultan, as Sir Gregory, and Derek Jacobi of GLADIATOR and THE RIDDLE serving as narrator. The dialogue is fun--after her initial failure at sheepherding, Mist tells the ducks, "I'm a rubbish sheepdog." Fern's spiteful remarks early on prompt one of the puppies to exclaim, "She called me Parrot Face!" And Mist calls after a naked sheep who's just been sheared: "Hey, ewe! You forgot your coat!" Okay, maybe you had to be there.

The story reaches its high point when one of the rams gets stranded halfway down the face of a cliff overlooking the ocean. Despite Sir Gregory's two main rules of sheepherding--stay away from the rams, and never go head-to-head with a sheep--Mist is forced to attempt a daring rescue when Fern's fear of heights immobilizes her. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK it ain't, but I found myself getting into it.

Whether or not your kids will like it depends on their attention span, I guess, since this is a leisurely-paced story that depends more on character and the appeal of the leads (no, I'm not kidding) than any kind of razzle-dazzle. If your young 'uns would fidget during an episode of "Lassie", this most likely isn't for them. Me, I enjoyed it and most probably would've gotten into it back in those halcyon days when I was but a wee lad. I even shed a tear--almost--during one particularly moving scene, but if you tell anybody that, I'll deny it.

MIST: THE TALE OF A SHEEPDOG PUPPY -- DVD review by porfle

PARTITION -- DVD review by porfle

Not a big fan of mushy sentiment, I honestly didn't look forward to watching PARTITION (2007). But it won me over with its subtle and simply-told story of forbidden love that's set against an epic backdrop without being overpowered by it. The lengthy and informative "making of" featurette included on the DVD is subtitled "A Journey of the Heart", a stock phrase often used to describe tacky tearjerkers that are laden with cheap sentiment. In this case, though, the phrase is aptly and justly used, because PARTITION is a true journey of the heart in the most genuine and sincere sense, for both the characters and the filmmakers themselves.

Returning to India with his friend and fellow soldier Avtar after fighting with the British in WWII, Gian (Jimi Mistry) looks forward to a peaceful life as a farmer in his tiny village in Punjab. But he can't escape the hatred and killing that surrounds him. The end of British rule in India has partitioned the country into two nations--Islamic Pakistan and secular India--and religious refugees from both sides are being massacred as they flee persecution. Avtar (Irfan Khan) urges Gian to join his band of marauders and kill Muslims, but Gian has had enough of violence and refuses.

A young Muslim woman, Naseem (Kristin Kreuk) narrowly escapes death from Avtar and his men and is taken in by Gian despite vehement objections from the other villagers. Eventually they fall in love, marry, and have a son, while the other people in the village gradually begin to accept her. But when Naseem's surviving family members are located in Pakistan and she travels there to see them, her mother and two brothers refuse to allow her to return to her Sikh husband. So Gian, with his small son in tow, is forced to pose as a Muslim in order to enter the country and try to rescue her.

Veteran director Vic Sarin, who co-wrote the script with Patricia Finn, based the story on a tale he heard as a boy growing up in India, about doomed lovers who drowned themselves in a river rather than face separation. It's clearly a labor of love for him and everyone else involved. Filming took place both on location in India and in British Columbia, with Sarin serving as his own director of photography, and he has captured beautiful images of both breathtaking scope and quiet intimacy. Each aspect of the film is meticulously crafted, from production design to costuming, and Brian Tyler's moving score is an orchestral blending of Eastern and Western influences that underscores the emotional impact while only occasionally overwhelming it.

The early scenes of Gian hiding the traumatized Naseem in his house and gently caring for her are very sweet, and their growing love for each other is allowed to develop in a deliberate, believable manner without the standard romantic trappings. As portrayed so well by the sad-eyed Jimi Mistry (ELLA ENCHANTED, THE GURU), Gian is a soulful, melancholy man whose wartime experiences have given him an utter intolerance of violence and hatred of any kind. This doesn't mean he won't stand his ground, though--when a vengeful Avtar comes for Naseem, Gian calmly tells him, "If you enter my house...one of us will die." The exotically beautiful Kristin Kreuk ("Smallville") is equally effective as Naseem, giving her a lost and vulnerable quality that evokes our empathy.

Neve Campbell is given one of her best roles ever as Gian's English friend Margaret, who uses her influence with the Indian government to help locate Naseem's family. When she discovers that the "child" Gian's been caring for is actually his wife and the mother of his son, there's a great moment in which the look on her face betrays the unspoken feelings she's had for him all along. It's very subtle and non-explicit where another movie might have beaten us over the head with it or even cranked it up into an added subplot--which is indicative of a lack of sensationalism and melodrama which adds to the film's appeal.

The aforementioned featurette, "The Making of Partition: A Journey of the Heart" is about 47 minutes long and contains a lot of good behind-the-scenes footage along with in-depth comments from Sarin, producer Tina Pehme, and other principals. Also included are the trailer, previews of other Allumination Filmworks releases, and optional Spanish subtitles. The 2:35:1 widescreen image and 5.1 audio are excellent.

PARTITION doesn't spare us the horrors of the Muslims vs. Sikhs conflict, with some early scenes of bloody violence and mass murder, but at its heart it's a "Romeo and Juliet" love story filled with genuine tenderness and warmth. Naseem's imprisonment by her own family and Gian's perilous journey to reclaim her add a great deal of suspense and an uneasy sense of impending tragedy, resulting in a richly-rewarding cinematic experience that may stay with you long after it's over. Hey, if all love stories were this good, I might even watch more of them.

PARTITION -- DVD review by porfle

FULL COUNT -- DVD review by porfle

FULL COUNT (2006) is one of those stories about a group of high school friends having their last big, meaningful experience together before going off to find separate lives for themselves. It's told from the perspective of T.J. ("Third Watch"'s Josh Stewart, who reminds me of a cross between Ed Norton and Brent Spiner), the most melancholy, introspective member of the group, and his wistful return to the story's setting years later bookends the movie.

T.J. and his friends Hickey, Shane, Rick, and Dan live in a small Kansas town where there isn't much to do but play sports, drink a lot, and get into trouble. All of these factors come into play when they beat a group of local cops on the basketball court and clean them out of a tidy sum. After a night of getting way too drunk, they're pulled over by one of the cops, Russ (Michael Rooker), an intimidating bastard who roughs them up and takes back all their money under threat of arrest. The boys respond by breaking into his house and trashing it. The next morning, Hickey (Jason Ritter) is found dead on the side of the road, the apparent victim of an auto accident. Was Russ responsible?

After the funeral, Hickey's dad reveals that his son had big plans for transforming the group into a softball team, so the guys dutifully carry them out along with Dan's lothario dad (William Baldwin) and Rick's older brother Andy (Chris Klein), who woulda been a football star if he hadn't blown his knee out in high school. When their main competition turns out to be the cops' team headed by none other than Officer Russ, it looks as though we're in for a baseball movie. But no, baseball itself is peripheral to the story.

FULL COUNT is about the value of friendship, sticking together when the chips are down, and learning to appreciate what you have while you have it. The seemingly episodic nature of the story (it comes together later on) plunges us into the exploits of the main characters before they're properly developed, and all we know about them are the basics--Shane's the combative future hockey star, Rick's the smooth, talkative ladies' man from Noo Yawk, Hickey's the nice kid who's Princeton bound, etc. So it takes awhile for us to really start caring about them or what they do, or to get a feeling of why they're so devoted to each other. When they join forces to save Hickey's reputation after a sudden revelation threatens it, and to realize his goal of uniting them as a city league softball team while also getting back at Officer Russ, we finally get a sense of the depth of their comraderie.

The performances are mostly okay, though some of the young leads aren't totally convincing. Michael Beach (WAITING TO EXHALE, "ER") is good as the sympathetic cop Paddy, who lets T.J. in on Hickey's secret. Jason Ritter's brief appearance as Hickey is effective--aside from the resemblance to his dad, he also looks and acts a bit like a young Val Kilmer. The standout, of course, is Michael Rooker as Russ. Justly celebrated in horror fandom for his title role in HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER, Rooker is perfect as the crooked, sadistic cop, especially when circumstances push him over the line and he starts getting scary. But even this character is given enough depth to keep him from being merely a one-sided stock villain.

Presented in 2:35:1 widescreen, the DVD's only bonus features are optional Spanish subtitles, a trailer, and previews of other Allumination Filmworks releases. Actor Jason Wiles (HIGHER LEARNING, "Third Watch") does a pretty good job here as first-time writer (with Shem Bitterman), producer, and director. The film also benefits from a catchy blues score.

There's a climactic baseball game to determine the league championship, but we don't see it. By that point the important thing is the simple fact that our heroes are playing it, acting out their absent friend's wishes and reveling in a fellowship that will soon be dissolved when life leads them on different paths. FULL COUNT isn't entirely successful at getting us emotionally invested in all this, but it's fairly effective nonetheless. Best of all, it features another memorable Michael Rooker character, and that alone makes it worth watching.

FULL COUNT -- DVD review by porfle

LOADED -- DVD review by porfle

Sometimes it's fun to watch a movie about someone with a perfect life who stumbles into something that causes his entire existence to take a screaming nosedive straight into the crapper.

The guy with the perfect life in LOADED (2008) is Tristan Price (Jesse Metcalfe, JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE), a law student who still lives with his rich parents. On the night of his 25th birthday, Tristan is feeling stifled by his highly regimented homelife and wants to go out on the town with his brother Hayden (Chace Crawford) and their buddies for a wild night of excessive drinking, lap dances, and general tomfoolery. But when he hooks up with the curiously friendly Sebastian (scripter Corey Large, TOXIC) during a party at the badass coke dealer's beachfront mansion, he gets sucked into a maelstrom of drugs, guns, violence, and betrayal. Bad for him--fun for us!

As the comparative freedom of Sebastian's lifestyle becomes increasingly intoxicating to Tristan, so does a dark beauty named April (Nathalie Kelley) who appears to reciprocate his interest while concealing her true motives. Tristan manages to forget that he already has a sweetheart, Brooke (Monica Keena, LEFT IN DARKNESS), or a big law school exam that he's no longer too keen on studying for. As he gets more and more strung out on coke, alcohol, and other illicit substances, his new pal Sebastian begins to include him in his shady and dangerous dope dealings. Before he knows it, Tristan is involved in a brutal killing for which he is suddenly the main suspect. Has the once-promising young college boy hit rock bottom? Not yet--there's still quite a ways to go, and watching him get there is rather entertaining.

Corey Large's cracking script is given just the right treatment by director Alan Pao, who knows when to crank up the zippity-doo-dah visuals (speed-up/slow-down effects, Shaky-Cam, self-consciously arty angles, etc.) and when to reign them in, all in service to the story. Once the tension begins to build it stays taut until the very end, with occasional bursts of violence that are well-staged and unsettling, and enough twists to keep the viewer off-balance much of the time.

Jesse Metcalfe is a good choice to play the callow rich kid who's in way over his head, while Corey Large makes an ideal bad guy who can be friendly and engaging one minute, ruthless and frightening the next. Johnny Messner and Jimmy Jean-Louis are equally effective as Sebastian's scarily sadistic goons Javon and Antonio. On the female side, Monica Keena is all winsome innocence as Brooke, while Nathalie Kelley convincingly portrays her seductive counterpart. Familiar faces such as Erin Gray ("Buck Rogers in the 25th Century"), Parker Stevenson ("The Hardy Boys"), and former teen heartthrob Nicole Eggert add nostalgic appeal for those of us who still remember the 70s and 80s. And to top it off, my main man Vinnie Jones (X-MEN: THE LAST STAND, THE CONDEMNED) shows up in a couple of scenes as Sebastian's surly competitor, Mr. Black. Yay, Vinnie!

The DVD is 2:35:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound. Bonus features include a behind-the-scenes featurette, a brief gag reel, a trailer for this and other Allumination Filmworks releases, and Spanish subtitles.

Before his extended nightmare is over, Tristan ends up punching out his brother Hayden, disrupting a fancy dinner party in the family home by shooting a member of said family, getting caught doing the nasty with April by an unpleasantly-surprised Brooke, and finding himself in the middle of a bullet-riddled shootout between Sebastian's and Mr. Black's crews--with a final showdown between himself and Sebastian yet to come. LOADED may not be a killer gangster epic of the first order, but it's well-done and consistently engaging right up to the suspenseful conclusion, and well worth checking out.

LOADED -- DVD review by porfle

LOST COLONY Shows Up On DVD May 20th From Allumination Filmworks

ADRIAN PAUL stars in a tale of unspeakable horror
Inspired by a most tantalizing mystery

Woodland Hills, CA – One of the most shocking unsolved mysteries in American history is depicted in terrifying fashion in Lost Colony, which will be released by Allumination FilmWorks on May 20, 2008. Preorder is April 15, 2008, with an SRP of $29.98.

"Save Your Soul Before They Take It From You.”

Beside the body of a dead soldier, these words are written in blood, in the ancient language of the Vikings. But what does the warning mean? And who – or what – left that message behind?

Adrian Paul (of “Highlander” fame) stars in this pulse-pounding, action-packed horror thriller loaded with awesome special effects and inspired by American history’s most tantalizing unsolved mystery. In 1587, over 100 brave men and women set sail from Great Britain to establish the first English colony in the new Americas. They landed on Roanoke Island off the coast of Virginia. They built a settlement, planted crops, and began their new lives in a new world.

And then, one day, they disappeared ... without a trace.

For generations, the legend of the Lost Colony has fascinated and mystified countless historians and researchers. Now, in the tradition of such classics as Sleepy Hollow, The Evil Dead and Brotherhood of the Wolf, this thriller offers a spine-chilling new look into the mystery of what really happened on Roanoke Island.

In addition to film and TV favorite Adrian Paul (“Tracker,” Moscow Heat, Nemesis Game, the upcoming Eyeborgs), the “colonists” of Lost Colony include Frida Show (Tan Lines, the upcoming Stiletto and Contract Killers), Rhett Giles (Dracula’s Curse, Legion of the Dead, Way of the Vampire, TV’s “Lost”) and Alex McArthur (Kiss the Girls, Conspiracy Theory, William Friedkin’s Rampage).

LOST COLONY
Street Date: May 20, 2008
Pre-Order Date: April 15, 2008
Genre: Supernatural Thriller
Catalog ID: 27461
UPC Number: 783722274613
SRP: $29.98
Rating: TV-MA
Running time: 95 minutes (approximately)
Special Features: Spanish subtitles

LOST COLONY Shows Up On DVD May 20th From Allumination Filmworks