SPACE GHOST (1966-1968) -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

 

Originally posted on 1/30/22

 

 

Currently watching: the complete DVD collection of one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons as a kid, SPACE GHOST (1966-1968). 

 

(Full DVD title: "Space Ghost & Dino Boy: The Complete Series" from the Hanna-Barbera Classic Collection. 20 episodes on 3 discs, 42 7-minute Space Ghost segments in all. Bonus feature is a movie-length documentary, "Simplicity: The Life and Art of Alex Toth.")

 

I love Cartoon Network's later comedy reworking of the character in his own talk show called "Space Ghost Coast To Coast", but that takes nothing away from my feeling for the original action-adventure space opera designed by comics legend Alex Toth. 

 

 

 

It was only Hanna-Barbera's second adventure cartoon after "Jonny Quest", and their first superhero series. "Laugh-In" star Gary Owen did the voice for Space Ghost, and his teen sidekicks Jan and Jace were voiced by Ginny Tyler and Tim Matheson. 

 

Other voice talent includes Ted Cassidy as Metallus, Vic Perrin as Creature King, Alan Reed as Glasstor, Keye Luke as Brak, Paul Frees as Brago, and Don Messick as Blip, Space Ghost's cute monkey companion who often gets him and the kids out of trouble.

 

Alex Toth's character designs and layouts are eye-pleasing, and the show was done while Hanna-Barbera were still doing quality animated shows. The music is great, too. 

 

 

 

The secondary "Dino Boy" segments don't do anything for me--I don't even remember bothering to watch them when originally aired. 

 

Super villains Zorak, Moltar, and Brak would later become regulars on the talk show, along with occasional appearances by Metallus, Tansit, Lokar, and Black Widow. It's fun seeing them play it straight as they do here in their introductory appearances.

 

Space Ghost, whose subterranean laboratory can be found on the Ghost Planet, is sort of an interplanetary policeman whose main powers are supplied by his power bands, which are worn on his wrists, and his inviso-belt. 

 

 

 

Jan and Jace alert him of suspicious activity while on patrol in their scout ship and often get captured by the bad guys so that Space Ghost must fly to their rescue in his spaceship, the Phantom Cruiser. 

 

The stories are flashy and colorful, with lots of explosions, and are kept very simple and formulaic so that they can be easily followed by younger viewers.

 

As far as light entertainment with a strong sense of nostalgia goes, I just love this kind of stuff.

 

 

SPACE GHOST (1966-1968) -- DVD Review by Porfle

BABY BLUES -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted in 2008

 

Whoa--I must say, this movie took a rather shocking turn I didn't expect. When I started watching BABY BLUES (2008) I had no idea what it was about, so I was on the lookout for the usual horror elements to start popping up. The setting, an isolated rural farmhouse in Georgia with a typical family of six--Mom, Dad, two boys, a girl, and a baby--seemed ripe for ghostly occurrences of some sort, or maybe a possession or an axe-wielding maniac. And that scarecrow that keeps giving Mom the heebie-jeebies sure seems like it might come to life at any moment. But the real horror that strikes this family isn't supernatural, and it doesn't come from outside.

I almost hate to give away any more about it, but the pivotal event in the story happens so early on that I wouldn't be able to talk about the movie otherwise. To put it bluntly, BABY BLUES is pretty much inspired by the case of crazed Texas housewife Andrea Yates, who murdered all of her children in one fell psychotic swoop back in '01. (At least, that's what this "based on a true story" story brought to my mind.) The "baby blues" of the title refers to postnatal depression--perhaps "psychosis" would be more apt--which has Mom (Colleen Porch) wandering around with black circles under her eyes while drifting in and out of a state of hallucinatory paranoia. We also see her reading (gasp!) the Bible in her first scene, rarely a good sign in a modern horror film.

Her family, on the other hand, is pretty normal and well-adjusted. Dad (Joel Bryant) is an easygoing lug who unfortunately has to spend much of his time driving a big rig. Jimmy (Ridge Canipe), the oldest, is a typical boy who plays baseball and carries a slingshot. Holden Thomas Maynard and Kali Majors are younger siblings Sammy and Cathy, and bringing up the rear is the new baby, Nathan. Jimmy's starting to notice that Mom isn't quite her usual self lately, but nobody suspects what will happen when she finally flips out during Dad's absence and begins to see her children as vile creatures who need to be severely punished.

I don't know what your tolerance level is for seeing bad things happen to little kids in movies, but BABY BLUES will definitely test it. Mom's breakdown leads to one murder, an attempted bathtub drowning, and various other acts of violence until finally there's a bloody stabbing that may have you picking your jaw up off the floor. After that, the surviving kids run for their lives as the suspense becomes almost unbearable for the rest of the film. Most movies would build up to a sequence this intense as a finale, but this one hits a high tension level about a third of the way through and more or less sustains it till the end.

As Mom, Colleen Porch ably conveys her slow descent into madness and the hysterical homicidal rage that finally bursts forth. There's a great early scene in which, after hearing that a former classmate has scored a job doing the local TV weather report, a haggard Mom stands in front of the bathroom mirror with a bright smile and recites "Tonight will be mostly cloudy, with a slight chance of rain" over and over, until the smile gradually becomes hideous and the phrase itself seems to boil over with bitterness and despair. The kids all give realistic performances, especially 13-year-old Ridge Canipe as Jimmy. He's just about as believably natural as a child actor can get and we can't help but pull for him as he tries to protect his siblings and himself. The authentic Southern accents and atmosphere are also a plus.

The direction by Lars E. Jacobson and Amardeep Kaleka is first-rate as are the editing and the cinematography, which has a rustic warmth in the daytime scenes that gives way to a colder, harsher look later on. Michael Filimowicz's music augments the action well without competing with it.

The DVD is 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital sound and Spanish subtitles. I watched a screener so I can't comment on any extras, but the promotional info mentions a behind-the-scenes documentary and a trailer.

This isn't about some cool serial killer in a hockey mask slaughtering a bunch of vapid teenagers in delightfully gory ways, and the fact that the setting is so normal and the events so plausible makes it all the more horrifying. Each death is tragic and hurtful to watch, and the suspense leading up to them is dreadful. Impeccably made and intensely effective, BABY BLUES more than succeeds in what it sets out to do, but boy, is it ever hard to watch. And you may suffer from a bad case of postcinematic depression when it's over.

 

BABY BLUES -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE VICTIM -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/29/08

 

Remember that "really scared" feeling you used to get when you watched horror movies as a kid, but hardly ever experience now that you're a grownup and movies don't affect you that way anymore? Well, I'm feeling it again right now after watching the 2006 Thai terror film THE VICTIM from Tartan Asia Extreme. Jeepers, this sucker is flat-out scary.

The story begins with an aspiring young actress named Ting (Pitchanart Sakakorn) who gets a gig playing the murder victims in police reenactments. She's so enthusiastic and convincing at this that she actually starts to develop a fan base. Fearing that she may anger the souls of the victims she portrays, she offers prayers each time to assure them that her intentions are good--while, unseen by her, their spirits surround her. When a popular beauty queen named Meen disappears and evidence points to a brutal murder, Ting becomes so wrapped up in accurately portraying her that she begins to receive supernatural help which leads her to the killer, endangering her own life in the process.

Pitchanart Sakakorn is cute as a button and her character is a lot of fun. Her story, while containing some scary elements, is also a tantalizing mystery that comes to a suspenseful conclusion about halfway through the movie. And then, suddenly, something deviously unexpected happens that pulls the rug out from under the viewer and transforms THE VICTIM into a whole different movie altogether. And this one is a lot darker, stranger, and scarier than before.

Now, the emphasis is on a film crew shooting a movie about Meen's death and Ting's involvement in the aftermath. Strange things start to happen on the set, and spectral images show up on the film during editing. Worse, the actors and crew begin to experience terrifying ghostly encounters and die off one by one. May, the actress portraying Ting in the film, shows indications of being possessed by Meen's vengeful spirit. And things just get worse from there.

Director Monthon Arayangkoon displays great skill at building a tense, tautly-drawn aura of dread and luring the viewer into one blood-chilling "gotcha!" scene after another. Usually I get numb to these after awhile, but here, almost every one of them had me jumping as though I were being poked with a cattle prod. Whenever a character turns around, chances are something awful's going to be standing there. When the camera moves slightly off center during a closeup and reveals empty space behind the actor, we just know something horrible's going to pop up. And knowing it doesn't help.

There are some really good makeup effects here, and the staging of the scare scenes is excellent. A few of them are flawed by obvious CGI, though--by now we all know what it looks like, and it can really kill the mood when it's too cartoonish-looking. But many of the images, especially one of a ghoulish, decayed Likae dancer jerkily lurching toward us, are utterly nightmarish.

The DVD image is 1:66:1 with 5.1 Dolby Digital, featuring a Thai soundtrack with optional subtitles. Both music and sound design are memorably creepy.

In addition to a trailer and TV spots, there's a 22-minute "The Making of 'The Victim'" which is scarier than the film itself. We learn that the murder scenes Ting reenacts were not only based on real events, but shot on the actual locations as well. The actors were kept in the dark about this particular factoid, though, so as not to distract them, and were understandably freaked out when this was finally revealed to them. Worse, we're shown several pieces of footage(which were used in the movie itself) that appear to have authentic ghostly images on them. It's like one of those Fox TV specials--you don't know if it's true, or if they're just pulling our chains--but it's told in a straightforward manner, with corroborating testimony from cast and crew, and is just plain disturbing.

You may be more desensitized to stuff like this if you've seen a lot of scarier Asian horror films, but it's been a couple of hours since I watched THE VICTIM and I'm still feeling uncomfortably nervous and spooked-out. At this rate, I'm gonna have to pop a Walt Disney antidote into the DVD player and happy myself up before I go to bed.

THE VICTIM -- DVD Review by Porfle

MIDNIGHT COWBOY -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/20/21

 

Currently rewatching: MIDNIGHT COWBOY (1969). The only X-rated film ever to win Best Picture (it was later reduced to an R).

The two great lead performances consist of Dustin Hoffman as skid row denizen "Ratso" Rizzo and Jon Voight as a naive Texas stud named Joe Buck who thinks he can make money hustling rich New York matrons who are "just beggin' for it."

Rarely has this sort of life been portrayed in such a bleak and desolate manner as the two unlikely friends struggle to scrape up a meager buck while living in a condemned building. 

 

Joe's prospects grow dimmer every day, forcing him to engage in the lowest forms of prostitution, while Ratso's physical deterioration mirrors that of their increasingly hopeless living conditions.

John Schlesinger's creative direction and the sometimes free-form editing are amazingly, deliriously experimental.
 
Flashbacks, fantasies, and delusions often combine to turn the narrative into a fever dream that's alternately humorous (Ratso's fantasies of a sunbaked life in Florida) and frightening (Joe's garbled memories of childhood sexual and emotional confusion and warped romantic encounters).

Yet the funny, perversely sentimental, and at times achingly tragic story always remains grounded and strong, leading to a heartrending and overwhelmingly sad ending that is rendered for maximum effect with the skill of a virtuoso by director Schlesinger.

 

The supporting cast includes Brenda Vaccaro, Barnard Hughes, John McGiver, Sylvia Miles, and Bob Balaban. A dizzying party sequence features some familiar names associated with Andy Warhol and the New York avant garde scene.

I hadn't seen MIDNIGHT COWBOY for quite some time before revisiting it just now, and what I vaguely remembered as a "sad" ending hit me full force this time and I cried pretty much all the way through the closing credits. Some of the most innovative and creatively self-assured films ever made came out of the late 60s, and this is one of the best.

MIDNIGHT COWBOY -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

 

 

Originally posted on 6/18/22

 

The Film Detective does it again with a nicely-restored special edition of the 1957 fan favorite THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS, which looks way better now than most of us have ever had a chance to see it.

Of course, the scratchy old prints on my local station's afternoon movie show sufficed for me as a kid back in the 60s. While very low-budget and admittedly hokey at times, the film gave me chills back then and still delivers on sheer entertainment value for those of us who grew up on these lurid sci-fi/monster thrillers.

BRAIN boasts a solid cast, with genre stalwart John Agar as scientist Steve March, who stumbles upon strange radioactive signals coming from deep within a desert mountain. Robert Fuller plays Steve's assistant Dan, years before he would become a TV icon in such shows as "Laramie", "Wagon Train", and "Emergency." 

 

Joyce Meadows vividly plays Steve bride-to-be Sally, who grows concerned when Steve returns from the cave without Dan and displaying strange, frightening new personality traits (including a wildly increased libido). This is because he's been taken over by Gor, an evil alien entity bent on conquering the world.

While Gor's appearance has evoked laughter from many viewers over the years--he's basically a giant floating brain with eyes--I've always had a fondness for both him and his counterpart, a benign floating brain named Vol whose mission is to capture the criminal fugitive.

Whenever Steve's body is ruled by Gor, it gives John Agar a chance to display maniacal, homicidal villainy as never before, which he seems to enjoy despite the pain caused by a pair of silver-painted contact lenses designed to make his eyes glow.

It was this indelible vision, and not the floating brains, that gave me such shivers as a kid as Steve/Gor gleefully blew up passenger planes and fried hapless victims with that sinister glare.

The film is skillfully and econically directed by Nathan Juran (aka Nathan Hertz), whose eclectic career also included such diverse titles as THE SEVENTH VOYAGE OF SINBAD and ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT WOMAN. Camerawork and lighting are particulary good, as is a rousing musical score by Walter Greene.

The disc from The Film Detective offers some nice featurettes (listed below) including a recently-shot tour of the film's outdoor locations with star Joyce Meadows, who also appears along with other guests in the commentary track by leading film historian Tom Weaver. Weaver also penned the illustrated booklet on the career of producer Jacques Marquette. Viewers of the film can choose between full-screen and matted widescreen.

Good production values, amusing dialogue, and a few actual chills are some of the reasons why THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS should appeal to fans of low-budget 1950s sci-fi thrillers. For a film which, on first glance, looks like just another of those "so bad it's good" flicks, it's actually not bad at all.



THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS

Retail Price: $29.95
Release Date: 6-21-2022
Runtime: 71 min.
Genre: Sci-Fi, Fantasy
Language: English
Closed Captions: English, Spanish
Color/BW: BW

SPECIAL FEATURES -

    Full Color Booklet with original essay by Author/ Historian Tom Weaver
    Full commentary track by historians Tom Weaver, David Schecter, Larry Blamire, and PLANET AROUS star, Joyce Meadows
    The Man Before the Brain: Director Nathan Juran - an original Ballyhoo Motion Pictures production
    The Man Behind the Brain: The World of Nathan Juran - an original Ballyhoo Motion Pictures production
    The film will also be included in a full frame format, 1.33:1
    Now including a special, all new, introduction by Actor Joyce Meadows!

THE BRAIN FROM PLANET AROUS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

ONE WAY WAHINE (1965) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/21/21

 

Currently watching: bouncy blonde beach goddess of the 1960s, Joy Harmon, in the incredibly obscure beach flick ONE WAY WAHINE (1965).

If you're a fan of the divine Joy Harmon, chances are you've already watched her magnum opus, VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS (also from 1965) numerous times. You'll also have fond memories of her legendary car-washing scene in COOL HAND LUKE two years later.

And vintage TV fans will even recall her charming appearances with an eyebrow-waggling Groucho Marx on his classic 1950s-era shows "You Bet Your Life" and "Tell It To Groucho" under the name "Patty Harmon."

 

Joy popped up in several other movies and TV episodes during her career, which spanned from 1956 to 1973, but her only starring role seems to be in the little-known ONE WAY WAHINE. ("It rhymes with bikini!" the poster tells us.)

Shot on a miniscule budget by a long-forgotten production company, this odd little film features Joy as Kit, an impossibly tanned beach bunny who, when not drawing the attention of every man in sight sunbathing on a Hawaiian beach, likes to wander from party to party while making a meager living doing whatever she can to get by.

We first see her stretched out on a beach towel looking almost as dark as "Tan Mom" but without the use of a tanning booth. She's being ogled via binoculars by a couple of fugitives from a Chicago bank robbery, Charley and Hugo (character actors Lee Kreiger and Ken Meyer, familiar faces from such films as THE GHOST AND MR. CHICKEN and LITTLE BIG MAN), as they lounge on the balcony of their Hawaiian getaway pad.

 

 

When Kit's friend Lou (David Whorf) delivers some hooch to the crooked pair and deduces that they're sitting on a bundle of stolen cash, he enlists his roommate Chick (Anthony Eisley) to help cook up a plan to steal the stolen loot themselves by setting up Kit and Chick's girlfriend Brandy (Adele Claire) as call girls who will seduce the bank robbers and then slip a Mickey into their drinks.

From the plot description, one can easily surmise that this is anything but the usual "beach party" teen movie. In fact, it's hard to figure out just who the filmmakers were aiming this pleasantly odd diversion at besides Joy Harmon fans hoping to catch her in and out of her clothes while basking in her bubbly dumb-blonde (but not that dumb) persona. (Her energetic dance to the film's theme song is a highlight.)

And unlike the standard beach movies, there's no surfing, romantic complications, zany supporting characters (unless one counts a bearded, unrecognizable Edgar Bergen as aging beach bum Sweeney and "Green Acres" icon Alvy Moore as Kit's amorous landlord), or big-name rock 'n' roll stars. 

 

 

In fact, most of the people in this movie are well past even pretending to be teenagers. (Pretty Adele Claire could even be described as a "milf.")

Despite various attempts at lightheartedness, the plan that our two main couples are hatching has an air of real danger about it (especially after we see bank robber Charley cleaning his automatic weapon which he always keeps at the ready).

When a dolled-up Kit and Brandy finally show up at Charley and Hugo's pad with knockout pills ready to slip into their drinks, the preliminary partying leads to one bad break after another for the girls until, to our dismay, fists start flying and the attempts at sex become wildly non-consensual. And the situation actually escalates from there.

 

 

While the first half of the film drags a bit and gives no indication that it will ever actually become more than a somewhat endearingly cheap novelty, the second half got my movie-watching juices flowing nicely. And the Hawaiian backdrop is a big improvement over the dreary beaches where Frankie and Annette used to hang out.

The cast is made up mainly of recognizable old pros (Eisley, Kreiger, Meyer, Bergen) who help us get past the film's low budget and its bland "point and shoot" directing style. (I won't comment on the image and color quality, sound, etc. since the copy I watched was anything but optimum.)

And of course there's the divine Joy, who provides fans with some delectable eye candy while fully displaying her sparkling personality. She's the main reason for spending time on a mildly diverting but otherwise wholly unexceptional obscurity like ONE WAY WAHINE, and it's to her credit that the time, for me anyway, felt not so badly spent.

ONE WAY WAHINE (1965) -- Movie Review by Porfle

R.I.P. Joy Harmon (1940-2026)

 

 

We are very sad to announce the passing of the beloved actress Joy Harmon (born Patricia Joy Harmon in 1940). 

She was a longtime fan favorite thanks to her appearances in such films as VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS, COOL HAND LUKE (in which her car-washing scene is iconic), and ONE-WAY WAHINE, as well as guest roles on "The Monkees", "The Man From U.N.C.L.E.", "Batman", and Groucho Marx' "You Bet Your Life", where she first came to prominence.

After a busy acting career, she settled down to raise a family (including three children—Jason, Julie, and Jamie—and nine grandchildren) and began a bakery called Aunt Joy's cakes, which started in her own kitchen before becoming a runaway success. 

 

 

According to People.com, her family confirmed she died from complications related to pneumonia, which she had been battling for several weeks. After a hospitalization of about one to two weeks and a stay at a rehabilitation center, she spent her final days in hospice care surrounded by loved ones. Remarkably, she was reportedly working at her beloved bakery just the day before she was originally hospitalized. 

Joy will be long remembered by her many loving fans for her sweet, bubbly personality and the way she could light up the screen no matter what she was in. 

 

 

 

R.I.P. Joy Harmon (1940-2026)

LAND OF THE PHARAOHS -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

 Originally posted on 9/25/21

 

Currently watching: LAND OF THE PHARAOHS (1955), a staggeringly epic film by Howard Hawks. 

While not Biblically inspired, this breathtaking cinematic fever dream of ancient Egypt rivals the greatest works of Cecil B. DeMille in sheer spectacle, with huge sets and the proverbial cast of thousands.

It's the sort of thing that's mostly left to CGI effects whizzes these days, and the fact that it's all real--even the magic of matte paintings and other photographic effects of the time is sparse--makes the grandeur on display throughout the film even more impressive.

The story is simple yet compelling. Jack Hawkins plays the Pharaoh as one who believes himself a living god, and the thought of his tomb being raided of his precious store of treasures after his death prompts him to hire the greatest architect available to design for him a theft-proof tomb, nestled inside the largest pyramid ever built, which will take many years and hordes of slaves to complete.

The architect is himself a slave, but he persuades Pharaoh to release his people if the theft-proof tomb is a success. Meanwhile, Joan Collins (at her most gorgeous) plays a would-be queen whose avarice rivals Pharaoh's, and she conspires to have him entombed as soon as possible so that she may claim both the throne and the treasure. 

 

 
How director Howard Hawks manages to make all this so compelling is a wonder to behold. The film is not only visually intoxicating but exceedingly literate (with William Faulkner among the screenwriters) and well acted.

Hawks stages it all to perfection, and seems to thrive on this sort of spectacle even without his trademark rapid-fire overlapping dialogue and touches of lighthearted humor.

While stately and exquisitely dry, the script also leaves Hawks plenty of room for the sort of gaudy visual and thematic indulgence which is the very stuff of the most satisfyingly over-the-top cult classics. This helps him keep things effortlessly involving for the film's entire running time, all the way up to the not-so-surprising yet still rewarding twist ending.

 
I'd heard about this film's cult popularity over the years--people who saw it as kids seem to have retained their fondness for it--but never suspected that I myself would find it so richly entertaining and rewatchable.

Still, it does lack a key element of DeMille's spectacles in that there's no core of religious faith, no ultimate catharsis of the spirit to send us off at the end with that soulful glow. LAND OF THE PHARAOHS does have a satisfying ending, but it's a rather hollow one.

 

(Thanks to William De Lay for the DVD)

LAND OF THE PHARAOHS -- Movie Review by Porfle

MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/10/21

 

Currently watching: MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1967) starring Tommy Kirk and Yvonne Craig. As the sensationalistic title suggests, the plot hinges upon a group of five Martians on a mission to Earth, where they must choose prime female specimens to take back to their home planet in order to help replenish their dying race.

Tommy Kirk, who had played another Martian named Go-Go a few years earlier in the American-International teen comedy PAJAMA PARTY, stars as Dop, leader of the mission, who jeopardizes the whole thing by falling in love with his target, the lovely Dr. Marjorie Bolen, played by the lovely Yvonne Craig (TV's "Batgirl").

The film is produced, written, and directed by Texas-based filmmaker and former 20th-Century Fox bit player Larry Buchanan, who specialized in bringing in profitable made-for-TV movies on very low budgets via his production company Azalea Pictures. 

 

 

 
Some of his other films include such classic bad-movie fare as ZONTAR: THE THING FROM VENUS, CURSE OF THE SWAMP CREATURE, and IN THE YEAR 2889.

It was these films that first made me aware of the wonders of bad filmmaking as a kid, when even at a young age I recognized the cheapness and ineptitude of these films yet felt a strangely inexplicable fondness for them.

MARS NEEDS WOMEN continues the Azalea Pictures tradition of less is less, with extremely limited spaceship effects and alien costumes that consist of rubber scuba suits with little radios with antennae glued over the ears.  The Martians land (off-camera) in an abandoned refrigeration factory where their human female captives can be deep-frozen for the trip back to the red planet.

 

 

The rest of the film takes place in various locations in Houston and Dallas, including the Cotton Bowl (where one Martian chooses a beaming Homecoming queen as his kidnap victim), Love Field (where another Martian unceremoniously steals a car), and the Collins Radio Antenna Building which serves as a NASA decoding center where cryptic messages from Mars are translated into English.

The most interesting abduction, from my point of view anyway, is the one which takes place in a sleazy strip club where a performer billed in the credits as "Bubbles" Cash dances at length under the intense scrutiny of a lucky Martian.

Despite this, much of the film consists of boring characters having dull conversations in rooms, along with reams of military stock footage.  Things do pick up now and then, such as when one Martian obtains needed currency by robbing a filling station and another breaks into a men's apparel store to steal business suits in order to help the mission team blend in.

 

 

The scenes with Tommy Kirk and Yvonne Craig give the film its closest semblance to something worth watching, since both are professional enough to carry off their dialogue with some conviction as their characters gradually become infatuated with each other.

I like the scene where they visit a planetarium and, when the taped monologue about Mars malfunctions, Tommy amazes both Yvonne and a group of visiting school children with his impassioned soliloquy about his beloved home planet.

Technically, MARS NEEDS WOMEN fluctuates between bottom-rung TV episode production values and what could only be described as home-movie-level filming, with inferior dubbing and editing as well. 

 

Still, one must remember that Buchanan was bringing this movie in on a rock-bottom budget and, thus, succeeded in creating something both mildly watchable and ultimately profitable.

Despite a rather solemn air and not a trace of self-aware mockery, MARS NEEDS WOMEN is of interest solely for its amusing "so bad it's good" appeal to those who can actually find such a thing appealing.  Others will be baffled as to why anyone would stick around for more than a minute of it.

MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

SKI PARTY (1965) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/22/21

 

Currently rewatching: SKI PARTY (1965). By this time, American-International were starting to see the writing in the sand, and, even though they still had a couple of "beach party" movies left in them, started trying to branch out into other areas of interest for ticket-buying teens.

Hence, this weird hybrid of beach-pic elements but with sand and surfing replaced by snow and skiing. This time we start off with our fun-loving teens still in college, on the verge of winter break and just roiling with hormones looking for somewhere to go and something to do.

Frankie Avalon is no longer make-out king "Frankie", but instead plays strike-out king "Todd", who, along with equally inept Craig ("Dobie Gillis" star Dwayne Hickman), spends every waking hour frantically trying to get to first base with the most romance-averse girls in the universe, Linda (Deborah Walley) and Barbara (a pre-Batgirl Yvonne Craig).

 

 
I mean, these girls are pathologically repelled by anything even slightly resembling hugging and kissing, to such a degree that they make Annette Funicello's "Dee-Dee" look like a raving nymphomaniac. (Which, in her brief cameo as a teacher, she sorta is, since we find her smooching away with a student at the drive-in.)

In one scene, the girls get together in their room for cocoa, pillow-fighting, and other girl-type stuff while enjoying a spirited discussion of all the things they've done to boys who tried to get next to them (one guy ended up with one arm, and another with a parole officer). And through it all, Linda and Barbara remain in a constant state of fuming indignance toward the guys for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Lucky for them, Todd and Craig are so irrationally devoted to winning these resolutely platonic party poopers as steady girlfriends that they follow them on a ski club field trip to the snowy slopes, despite not being able to ski.

This results in the usual sight gags about flying out-of-control down steep mountains on skis or sleds, screaming for their lives, as we cringe at the memory of various real-life celebrities who have done the same thing but with fatal results.

But that's nothing compared to some of the film's more cartoony gags, such as Todd attempting to win a ski jump contest by donning a scuba suit under his clothes and filling it with bottled helium until he's bloated like a weather balloon and drifting helplessly over the stunned crowd.  Helpful pal Craig shoots him down with a starter pistol and Todd goes spewing all over the place as the helium escapes.

I won't even try to explain why, but a major plotline involves the boys disguising themselves as girls, "Some Like It Hot" style, and pretending to be Jane and Nora from England while looking about as much like actual females as Aldo Ray in drag.

As anyone who's seen "Some Like It Hot" can guess, the school's #1 makeout king, blonde pretty-boy Freddie (Aron Kincaid, who could pass for Joy Harmon's twin brother) falls madly in love with Nora, with the usual comic complications. I almost expected a reprise of the old "Nobody's perfect" gag at the end.

Certain surefire elements from the beach movies are served up again to help things along, including bikinis (thanks to the ski lodge's big heated pool), a comical old fogie (Robert Q. Lewis as a psychologically maladjusted activity director slash chaperone), and the voluptuous Bobbi Shaw, this time given actual dialogue as a Swedish ski instructor who has Todd's heart (and other parts of his body) all a-flutter. 

 

 
Also served up are the usual bland songs, which Frankie and Deborah (and the ever-bland Hondells) try their best to croon some life into. Thankfully, however, we're treated to a couple of bonafide Top 40 legends, with Lesley Gore singing "Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows" on the bus to the lodge and James Brown (back in his pompadour days) and the Famous Flames performing the classic "I Feel Good" in front of the fireplace.

The film manages yet another cartoony chase sequence and ends up, strangely enough, right back on the beach for a happy fadeout. (Did you expect any other kind?) SKI PARTY is just as dumb as it sounds, but if you watch it in the right frame of mind, it's the kind of harmless fun that goes down easy.

(Note: At the end of the closing credits we're told to be on the lookout for a follow-up entitled "Cruise Party." Since I don't believe such a film exists, it seems American-International may have intended to continue their teen-movie series with variations on the "Party" theme, but the plan didn't work out.)

SKI PARTY (1965) -- Movie Review by Porfle

PAJAMA PARTY (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/7/21

 

Currently rewatching: If you ever wondered what a cinematic insane asylum would look like, search no farther than PAJAMA PARTY (1964).  

The fourth entry in American-International's "Beach Party" series, it takes everything from the previous films, adds a bunch of bad-sitcom-level situations, strips away any logic, dignity, and sense it may have had, and dumps it all in an industrial-strength cuisinart with no lid.

This time, the beach is barely an afterthought--we get a couple of scenes of our youthful protagonists cavorting in the sand, playing volleyball, dancing along with a dynamic young Toni Basil (who would spend the rest of the 60s in such films as VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS and EASY RIDER), and grooving to the poppy song stylings of Donna Loren.

 

After that, the gang hang out around the swimming pool of a big old mansion belonging to Aunt Wendy (Elsa Lanchester, the BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN herself) and getting ready for the big titular (so to speak) pajama party.

The mansion next door, as it turns out, houses con man J. Sinister Hulk (Jesse White, known to most boomers as the Maytag repairman) and his henchpersons Buster Keaton (as wacky Indian, Chief Rotten Eagle), gorgeous Bobbi Shaw in her trademark fur-lined gold lame' bikini, and a simpering toady named Fleegle (Ben Lessy), who are scheming to steal a hidden fortune in cash from their neighbor, Aunt Wendy.

But as if that weren't enough, Tommy Kirk (VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS, IT'S A BIKINI WORLD) stars as Go Go, a Martian sent to Earth to scout things out in preparation for an invasion. As fate would have it, he not only starts to like the life of an Earth teen, but also falls head over heels for everyone's beach bunny sweetheart, Annette. 

 

Still hanging in there from the first three films are motorcycle gang the Rats, led by the vain but totally incompetent Eric Von Zipper (Harvey Lembeck), who still can't stand the idea of these surf bums invading their beach or its environs. If you thought they were funny before, you'll continue to enjoy their usual antics and wait expectantly for Lembeck to utter his immortal line: "Why me? Why me all the time?"

If that sounds like a lot of plot for a simple teen movie, it is. Everything is dumped into a pot to boil with the various plotlines bubbling randomly to the surface, with editing that looks like film footage was chopped into pieces, tossed like a salad, and then stuck together by a nearsighted chimp.

All of which is to say that PAJAMA PARTY should appeal to those who enjoyed the undiluted silliness of the first three films but were put off by the occasional brief moments of sanity. Here, the constant clash between all the doggedly farcical plotlines results in an epic concentration of pure cinematic stupid that assails the viewer with an exhilarating abandon.

 

This includes what may be the wackiest chase sequence in the entire series--and that's saying a lot--which includes, of course, Von Zipper and his gang. The result is something that makes Looney Toons look like British drawing room drama. A few minutes in, and I'd forgotten who was chasing whom, and why, and it didn't matter.

The final segment of the film depicts what happens when poolside pajama party, bungling burglary, and impending invasion from Mars all come together to the music of generic rock 'n' roll band The Nooney Rickett Four. The Rats show up (naturally) in red long johns, just in time to engage the pajama set in a riotous free-for-all brawl that's mostly in fast-motion with lots of cartoon sound effects.

Many of the familiar background players (such as dancing dervish Candy Johnson) are back, with the addition of the aforementioned Toni Basil and future comedy legend Teri Garr. The highlight of the film for me is the presence of the incomparable Susan Hart in various states of...well, being Susan Hart. (Just for the record, she looks better in a red nightie than anybody else, ever.)

 

 

Hollywood icon Dorothy Lamour gets to sing one of the film's many awful songs, while Don Rickles and a certain young teen idol we all know and love appear in cameos as Martians.

Oddly, the returning stars play completely different characters than before. Annette is no longer "Dee Dee" but is now "Connie", and Jody McCrea, previously known as "Deadhead", is now Connie's beefcake boyfriend, "Big Lunk", who is so obsessed with volleyball that he drives Connie into the arms of neophyte Earth visitor Tommy Kirk.

It's difficult for mere words to convey just how...well, stupid all of this is. It's actually quite a staggering achievement in stupid, one which I found impressive even as I winced and cringed my way through it. Granted, I love this kind of stuff. But to watch PAJAMA PARTY is to gorge one's self on pure, concentrated stupid the way you might eat an entire gooey cheesecake with a spoon in one sitting. 

PAJAMA PARTY (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle

MUSCLE BEACH PARTY (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

 Originally posted on 5/19/21

 

Currently re-watching: MUSCLE BEACH PARTY (1964), the predictably meat-headed sequel to 1963's raucous romp BEACH PARTY. As the title suggests, it's the same frothy free-for-all only this time with muscles.

The muscles are supplied by a group of strongmen led by Jack Fanny (Don Rickles in a spoof of gym maven Vic Tanny), whose star beefcake, Flex Martian, is played by "Mission: Impossible" and "Police Squad!" regular Peter Lupus under the name "Rock Stevens."

Spoiled rich girl Julie (Italian beauty Luciana Paluzzi, later to play evil Fiona Volpe in the James Bond epic THUNDERBALL) spots Flex from her nearby yacht, is impulsively smitten, and orders her obsequious business manager S.Z. (Buddy Hackett) to purchase the entire strongman squad from Jack Fanny. Deals are made, contracts are signed, and then...

 

...fickle Julie falls in love with Frankie, breaking Flex's heart and igniting the usual jealous tiff between Frankie and girlfriend Annette that will have them at odds for the rest of the movie.

All of this is set against the same milieu as the previous film, with a bunch of vacationing teens living in ramshackle beach houses and springing into action with every fervent cry of "Surf's up!"

Returning are John Ashley as handsome smoothie Johnny, Jody McCrea as the brain-dead Deadhead, Candy Johnson as dancing dervish Candy, and various other somewhat familiar faces amongst the bikini-clad beach bums. 

 

Cute blonde Valora Noland's character name has been changed here from "Rhonda" to "Animal" (she would later pop up in John Wayne's THE WAR WAGON and the "Patterns of Force" episode of "Star Trek"). Also on hand once again are guitar-twanging Dick Dale and his Del-Tones, and Morey Amsterdam as kooky club owner, Cappy.

Chipper pop singer Donna Loren makes her debut in the series along with burgeoning superstar Little Stevie Wonder singing "Happy Street." (He'll share the marathon closing credits with Candy.) Future "Grizzly Adams" star Dan Haggerty, sans beard and long hair, is unrecognizable as one of the strongmen, Biff.

Conspicuous by their absence this time are Harvey Lembeck's Eric Von Zipper and his cycle stupids, although one female member, Alberta Nelson, returns as part of the Jack Fanny camp. 

Annette's hair-trigger jealousy and constant pressure on free-spirited Frankie to settle down and get married are just as tiresome as ever.

Still, the bickering lovebirds each get to croon a few pleasantly sappy love songs, with Frankie also delivering a real ear-bending banger in Cappy's club that gets the joint rocking.

Dick Dale proves that he and the Del-Tones are much better suited to cool surf-rock instrumentals when their attempts at lyrics about the surfing life evoke deep, rumbling groans. 

 

There's no fast-paced, colorful chase sequence this time, but the cartoony action of a no-holds-barred brawl between surfers and strongmen in Cappy's club sorta makes up for it.

This is topped off by an appearance by none other than the great Peter Lorre, who, along with Vincent Price (BEACH PARTY) and Boris Karloff (BIKINI BEACH), was currently under contract with American-International.

Semi-serious scenes (the gang rejects Frankie when he announces he's hooking up with sugar-mama Julie) clash with the unabashedly cartoony and often surreal  nonsense that makes up the bulk of the film, all leavened with heaps of bad rock and roll (some co-written by Brian Wilson) and numerous old school comics adding their seasoned silliness to the usual youthful antics to make MUSCLE BEACH PARTY a dizzyingly dumb distraction for the easily amused.

 

(Note: this is the one that my big brother and his friends were going to see at the theater and I wanted to go but he wouldn't take me with him, so I started crying and Mom made him take me. It was the classic case where Mrs. Cleaver made Wally and Eddie take Beaver to the movies with them. So I got to see "Muscle Beach Party" at the theater when it came out and had a wonderful time!)

MUSCLE BEACH PARTY (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle