GRANNY OF THE DEAD -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/7/17

With all the zombie flicks crawling out of the woodwork and trying to take a bite out of us ever since George Romero assailed us with NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD way back in 1968, you'd think the genre would be nothing more than a withered, decaying corpse by now. 

But then, every once in a while a movie like GRANNY OF THE DEAD (2017) shambles along to breathe new life into it.

There's not a whole lot of exposition.  We meet a group of fun-loving youths having a reunion in an old church in the hinterlands of Wales, but barely get to know them before they're chased away by an old lady who then seems to get taken over by an unseen force and transformed into a slavering, black-eyed zombie.

Obviously some diabolical curse has descended upon this small Welsh town, because immediately all of its older people begin to get infected as well and morph into some of the most horrific, unstoppable zombies you've ever seen. 

Ed (Marcus Carroll), whom we met earlier at the church, wakes up to find his nan coming at him like a deranged spider monkey and hungering for his flesh.  Not only is she extremely frightful-looking, but she seems to have been mainlining Geritol as well.

We're barely ten minutes into GRANNY OF THE DEAD and already the full-scale zombie attack is on.  Barricaded in his room against his living-dead nan, he observes all manner of ghastliness through his window while trying to contact his friends via cell phone.

 

They, it turns out, all have similar problems with the various flesh-hungry oldsters who are either shambling, lurching around with walkers, or sprinting after them with such vigor that their prey must scramble to stay out of reach.  Some even manage to operate heavy machinery.

The gore is plentiful and the zombie action comes fast and furious.  Things really get going when Ed decides he must escape from his room and confront the zombies head on.  Meanwhile, his friends all have their hands full with touch-and-go situations of their own.

Writer-director Tudley James (SHARKNADO) handles it with a sort of anything-goes style that's consistently interesting, bombarding us with hand-held shots, Dutch angles, jittery camerawork and editing, and whatever else it takes to keep our nerves stretched taut.

These are some ugly zombies, too, and best of all, they're actually scary.  In fact, much of the film consists of nerve-jangling scenes of blood-chilling suspense that should keep you on the edge of your seat despite an undercurrent of mordant satire. 

The story is rife with a very dry, deadpan humor that's played absolutely straight (performances are excellent) and doesn't detract at all from the horror effect.  It's dark, dense, with the intertwined currents of morbid humor (I especially loved the JURASSIC PARK reference) and ghastly horror making it all the more effective.

Brimming with all-out gory goodness, GRANNY OF THE DEAD is the real deal for zombie fanatics, a living dead flick that's both exciting and full of genuine shivery scares and apocalyptic atmosphere.  I had a giddy good time watching it.


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GRANNY OF THE DEAD -- Movie Review by Porfle

RAZORS -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/25/16

One thing that can really benefit a low-budget indy horror flick is a great found location.  We saw that with PRISON OF THE PSYCHOTIC DAMNED, which took excellent advantage of New York's massive and extremely spooky old Buffalo Central Terminal, and more recently with the Italian zombie fest BURIAL GROUND. 

RAZORS (2016) gets the same kind of mileage out of a big dark old Victorian building (The Electrowerkz in London, England), without which, unfortunately, there would be little to recommend it.

An oddball screenwriting mentor, Professor Richard Wise (Thomas Thoroe), invites six young aspiring authors to the site in order to collaborate on the ultimate horror film script with the crumbling, labyrinthian building as their inspiration. 

One of them, Ruth (Kelby Keenan), has an added writer's aid--she claims to be in possession of a wooden case containing several razor-sharp knives that were the original killing instruments of none other than Jack the Ripper.

Naturally, they begin to experience strange, ghostly happenings and, in Ruth's case, weird dreams foretelling the murders of certain members of the party. Some of them encounter the ghost of a young girl from the Ripper's era who seems to be asking for their help. 

Others see Jack the Ripper himself, dressed in black slouch hat and cloak and in full kill-mode.  As the horror escalates, some of the group begin to suspect Professor Wise of being up to something sinister.

Along with its choice location, RAZORS benefits from good cinematography and a capable cast.  What ultimately does it in, however--besides a disjointed story that never really goes anywhere--is the editing. 

Seldom does a horror film contain such a jumble of montages, collages, and clumps of random images that look more like the editor having fun and making "art" than actually crafting a coherent narrative. 

And despite the film's inherent Gothic atmosphere, there's not much of a scare factor either.  The ghost girl, first seen only in brief glimpses, loses her creepiness when revealed up-close as a chatty costumed child actress in stagey makeup.

Frequent attempts at jump-scares seldom have the desired effect, nor do lots of screaming and occasional indulgences in gore.

Jack himself seems more of an ogrish working-class brute than the usual Victorian gentleman-gone-bad we're used to, and is even less effective when seen as a convulsive shirtless maniac covered in blood. 

I had high hopes for RAZORS due to the poster and stills, which gradually dissipated during the film's less-than-riveting running time.  It's apparently intended as the first in a projected horror franchise, but after the abrupt, lackluster ending, I wasn't exactly yearning for more. 

RAZORS -- Movie Review by Porfle

MURDER PARTY -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 3/12/10

 

MURDER PARTY (2007) starts with a neat opening titles montage of Halloween images in an urban neighborhood--jack-o-lanterns on doorsteps, costumed kids running up and down the sidewalks, and a nerdy guy named Chris (Chris Sharp) renting some scary movies on his way home from his job as a parking ticket distributor for the NYPD. He notices a strange black envelope on the sidewalk and picks it up--it's an invitation to a Halloween party. Or, more specifically, a "murder party."

When he gets home to his cramped apartment, he pours a bowl of candy corn and pops in one of the cheapo flicks he's rented. But his cat, Sir Lancelot (Puff Snooty), won't get out of his favorite chair. So the painfully non-assertive Chris decides to skip the movie, don his totally crappy homemade cardboard-and-duct-tape medieval knight costume, and give the "murder party" a go. After all, the name has to be a joke, right? Right? WRONG, CHRIS! It's a REAL murder party!

After a scary trudge through the bad part of town, Chris ends up at an isolated warehouse. Inside, he discovers a small group of costumed goofballs hanging around in a dingy storeroom. There's Paul (Paul Goldblatt, who also did the film's special effects) in a bad Lestat-type vampire suit, Lexi (Stacy Rock), who looks like a poor-man's "Pris" from BLADE RUNNER, Macon (Macon Blair), who has on a werewolf mask but mainly looks like he's dressed as Kevin Smith, and Bill (William Lacey), done up like one of the "Baseball Furies" from THE WARRIORS. There's another girl named Sky (co-producer Skei Saulnier), but she doesn't last long because she's allergic to raisins, and Chris brought some pumpkin bread with raisins in it to the party, and when Sky eats some of it she keels over dead.


Just as Chris is beginning to realize he should've stayed home with his cat, they jump him and tie him to a chair. He soon finds out that they're all aspiring avant-garde artists who plan to murder him in an artistic way in order to impress Alexander (Sandy Barnett), a smug, pseudo-sophisticated art enthusiast, and get a grant from him for up to half a million dollars. Alexander arrives with his new best friend, the dangerous-looking Zycho the Psycho (Bill Tangradi), and announces that they will all stab Chris to death at the stroke of the witching hour. Till then, much interpersonal interplay ensues (augmented by a round of truth-serum injections and other narcotics), while the bound Chris looks on in wide-eyed apprehension.

Well, all of this is very nicely filmed for such a low budget--there's even a special credit for the Steadicam operator--and pretty well acted, and some of it is genuinely funny. But MURDER PARTY is often boring and just a tad too tedious. The truth-serum sequence is fairly deadly, with the cast sitting around on the floor woozily mumbling various confessions that sound mostly improvised, and not very well at that. The constant bickering among the characters also gets rather grating after awhile.


At some point deep into the second half, things finally start to happen. There's a shocking discovery about Alexander, somebody tries to light a cigarette while wearing his mask and sets himself on fire, Zycho finally goes psycho, and everybody else goes psycho, too. There's gunfire, axe wielding, chainsaw swingin', and other violent activities that are about as graphic and realistic as that scene that was tacked on at the end of the movie SNUFF--meaning not all that realistic-looking at all, but sorta fun. Some boobage finally makes an appearance at the eleventh hour, albeit covered with body paint, and there's a frenetic chase when Chris finally makes his escape and runs for his life with two of the others in hot pursuit. One of them is wielding the chainsaw, but it's an electric chainsaw, so he has to keep finding places to plug it in whenever he runs out of cord.

Probably the funniest moment in the whole movie is when Chris locks himself in a closet and the others wait outside for him to come out. He frantically scans the surrounding items--a high-tension spring, a plastic jug, an extension cord, a pulley, a fire extinguisher, an exhaust hose--and just as we expect him to have a brilliant McGyver-type inspiration, he suddenly bursts from the closet with all that junk in his arms, throws it at his pursuers, does a lame fake-out move, and runs away.

Surprisingly, the closing credits for MURDER PARTY are five minutes long. For a minor movie like this, there were a heck of a lot of people working on it, and it looks as though most of them did their jobs pretty well. It's just too bad the collective result couldn't have been more worthwhile. MURDER PARTY isn't all that bad, though, and is sporadically entertaining--I give it two-and-a-half jack-o-lanterns for effort.

MURDER PARTY -- Movie Review by Porfle

CAESAR AND OTTO / CAESAR AND OTTO'S SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE -- DVD Reviews by Porfle

Originally posted on 3/3/09

When I reviewed writer-director Dave Campfield's creepy low-budget thriller DARK CHAMBER a while back, I found an interesting Easter egg on the DVD. It was a promo for something called "The Caesar and Otto Show" and it was pretty darn funny for something that looked like a home video. Campfield played a twitchy, hot-headed, flamboyant (is he a closeted gay or does he just happen to fit the stereotype?) aspiring actor named Caesar, who lives with his big, dumb, terminally-unemployed slob of a half-brother named Otto (Paul Chomicki). Otto barges into Caesar's screen test one day to ask him how to operate the remote control for his TV, and Caesar throws such an entertainingly violent hissy fit that the producers casting the part decide to make a hidden-camera show about them. Thus, "The Caesar and Otto Show" is born.

In the feature film CAESAR AND OTTO (2007), we get to see three episodes of this fictitious reality show as the two morons go about their daily lives unaware that there are dozens of pinhole cameras recording their every dumb move. In the first segment, a theater director (Ken MacFarlane) offers the role of a tough mob boss to Caesar but ends up giving it to Otto after he helps them during a read-through. This prompts the enraged Caesar to stop at nothing to keep Otto out of the play, including trying to run him down "Baby Jane"-style. The second episode introduces their no-good dad Fred (Scott Aguilar), who moves into the boys' apartment after his latest wife kicks him out.

After this comes the season finale, which begins with the tragic death of Otto's goldfish. The drama continues with the return of Otto's ex-girlfriend, a ditzy psychic vibrating with ominous premonitions about their future, and an ill-fated grand scheme by the show's producers to construct a huge television theater connected to the boys' apartment building--without their knowledge--in which the big reveal is to take place before a live audience. When Caesar inadvertently discovers the truth and starts pouring on the histrionics for the hidden cameras, the entire project ends in disaster.

The low budget for this raucous comedy--exactly 707 dollars, we're told--is disguised not only by the hidden-camera premise, but also by the talent and ingenuity of the actors and filmmakers. Here's the rare case in which a project with such meager resources boasts a cast loaded with skilled comic actors and a truly funny script that's kept crackling along by snappy, cartoon-style editing and plenty of old-school slapstick. The DVD itself contains a brief "making-of" featurette, a look at the premiere at Cleveland's Indie Gathering film festival, and a fascinating half-hour interview with the charismatic and funny Joe Estevez (who appears in the sequel).

Dave Campfield is a riot as Caesar, who comes off as a human version of the manic, highly-strung chihuahua Ren from the "Ren and Stimpy" cartoons, with a little Tasmanian Devil thrown in. Caesar sees himself as a great actor even though he's absolutely horrible at it, and, like Bud Abbott and Oliver Hardy (and Ren) before him, thinks he's the brains of the duo even though he's an idiot. Paul Chomicki compliments him nicely as the Stimpy-like Otto, a well-meaning lug who's not much smarter than your average baked potato. (And speaking of "baked", it's nice to see this sort of comedy done without the main characters being perpetually stoned for a change.) As a live-action cartoon done dirt cheap, CAESAR AND OTTO overcomes its budgetary disadvantages with a spunky sense of sheer, kinetic hilarity.

Taking a giant leap from the 707 dollars it took to produce CAESAR AND OTTO, 2008's colorful sequel CAESAR AND OTTO'S SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE is a comparatively lavish (though still very low-budget) epic that places our comic heroes squarely in "slasher spoof" territory with a vengeance. Not only does it feature cool cameos by scream queen Brinke Stevens and Martin Sheen's funnier brother Joe Estevez, but it scores big with the presence of Felissa Rose of SLEEPAWAY CAMP (1983), making it a must-see for fans (like me) of that mind-boggling cult classic. Anyone who is still emotionally scarred by the last shot of that film, when Felissa's character "Angela" reveals her big secret, will know what I'm talking about.

The action shifts into high gear right from the start when a frantic Caesar flies off the handle during a road rage incident and beats up a much larger man, who turns out to be the mentally-challenged brother of the chief of police. "Do you have any idea what happens to people...who beat up the mentally-challenged brother...of the chief of police?" Caesar asks Otto as they pack their bags for a quick getaway. After a trip to the unemployment office (where they encounter Joe Estevez in a brief but funny scene), the two fugitives land an out-of-town job as summer camp counselors. Perfect, right? Wrong, because as we all know, every summer camp has its own serial killer, and this one is no exception.

Ken MacFarlane (the theater director from CAESAR AND OTTO) returns as head counselor Jerry Griffen, a sickly-sweet fruitcake whose assistant, Nurse Helen (Robin Ritter), will inexplicably fall for Otto. The other counselors are comprised of the usual kill-fodder, including a belligerent metalhead named Dick (Felissa Rose's husband Deron Miller, who was a SLEEPAWAY CAMP fan as a child), a narcissistic former swimming champ named Chip (Trai Byers), bubble-brained aspiring actresses Monique and Sylvia (Jen Nikolaus, Dawn Burdue), and the unflappably nice Drew (Avi K. Garg), who remains pleasantly upbeat even when the killer is dismembering him with a shovel. Summer Ferguson and Derek Crabbe are also funny as counselors Giselle and Larry. As a bonus, Scott Aguilar pops up again as Caesar and Otto's delightfully deadbeat dad Fred, who passes the time by rummaging through everyone's tents looking for stuff to steal while Caesar keeps them distracted.

Once again, Dave Campfield is a whirling dervish of cowardly, ill-tempered hilarity as "effete tough guy" Caesar, who often comes off like a cross between a crazed chihuahua and a chicken with its head cut off. Paul Chomicki's Otto is his perfect comedy foil, always enduring his half-brother's endless barrage of slapstick abuse with a dull-witted calm. DARK CHAMBER alumnus Felissa Rose, of course, gives the film a welcome hint of the old SLEEPAWAY CAMP vibe, even favoring us a time or two with her famously creepy "Angela" face. Is she the killer? As Bugs Bunny might say: "Ehhh...could be."

Between Caesar and Fred looting the counselors' tents and Otto scampering through a nauseating falling-in-love montage with Nurse Helen, there's enough bloody mayhem to qualify this as a bonafide summer camp killfest even as the gags fly fast and furious. Richard Calderon's thrifty gore effects are pretty good and include a beheading, a shovel to the chest ("My sweater!"), various dissections and body parts, and a comically harrowing sequence inside the killer's bloody charnel house, during which Caesar, Otto, and Fred come dangerously close to being turned into beef treats.

There are two commentary tracks on the DVD--one with Campfield and co-writer Brendan Smith, the other featuring Chomicki, Calderon, and various cast and crew, and both are entertaining. Along with the film's trailer, there's also a 14-minute featurette, "Behind the Massacre", which offers behind-the-scenes footage and interviews with the cast and crew (actually, much of the cast were also part of the crew), who have fond recollections of the 10-day shoot which took place mostly in California's Topenga Canyon.

It's one thing to be wowed by some 200-million-dollar epic, but to see bright and enthusiastic filmmakers take a relatively miniscule budget and turn it into a delightfully loopy comedy like this is a whole different area of film fun altogether. And thanks to some wonderfully zany performances, frenetic pacing, and screwball situations, CAESAR AND OTTO'S SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE turns out to be quite a bit of bloody good fun, indeed.

Watch the trailer

CAESAR AND OTTO / CAESAR AND OTTO'S SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE -- DVD Reviews by Porfle

VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/23/17

 

It sounds like they put all their eggs-ploitation elements into one basket with the title VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST (aka "Vudú sangriento"), but this wonderfully awful 1974 Euro-horror potboiler, now available on Blu-ray from The Film Detective, is actually pretty short on exorcism (there isn't any) and black people (two of them are actually white actors in dark body makeup). I guess VOODOO WHITE NON-EXORCIST just didn't have the same ring to it.

They didn't skimp on the voodoo, though--the opening flashback sequence, which is revisited several times throughout the film, was filmed in real Caribbean locations such as Jamaica and Haiti, and there's a frenzied voodoo ceremony during which the beautiful Kenya (Eva León) is beheaded.  After everyone tosses her noggin around like a beach ball at a rock concert, her lover Gatanebo (Sergio Leone regular Aldo Sambrell) is entombed alive as punishment for their illicit love. 

Kenya turns up again centuries later, reincarnated (sans body makeup) as Silvia, assistant and mistress to archeologist Dr. Kessling (Alfred May).  As fate would have it, the newly-unearthed mummy they're traveling with via cruise ship is none other than the undead Gatanebo, who not only stalks the ship killing descendants of those who buried him alive, but discovers his lost love right there on board with a new identity and complexion.

 

It's pretty much a shipboard retelling of THE MUMMY but with voodoo instead of Egyptian curses.  The buff, bald, and now inexplicably Caucasian Gatanebo passes for normal most of the time but occasionally reverts back to mummy form with a makeup job that resembles crinkled papier-mache', whereupon he either murders people or pokes them with his golden asp-ring to make them his slaves. 

He kills a bartender descended from the man who beheaded Kenya, then leaves the guy's head on Silvia's pillow for her to find, Godfather-style, when she wakes up.  (He's like a cat bringing home a dead mouse to its master as a present.)  Later, he intercepts a visiting professor at the airport in order to assume his identity, squishing the poor sap under a steam roller.

Production values for this low-budget Spanish effort are fair to poor--direction and camerawork are slipshod at best (but with the odd flash of style now and then), the script is half-baked and filled with howlers ("In infinite time, what must happen happens"), and much of the acting and dubbing are below par.  SPFX and makeups are fake-looking but fun, including some man-to-mummy (and vice versa) transformations.

The Caribbean locations are nice, and the cruise ship is actually at sea during the on-deck exteriors, adding much to the film's ambience.  (Is it just me, or does the recurring island musical theme sound just like the first bars of "Ferry Cross the Mersey"?)  Animal lovers will find the killing of an actual chicken during the voodoo ceremony distressing.

The cast of characters can be a real hoot, especially an excitable lady named Mrs. Thorndyke who reads cards and tells the future (her visions about what's happening aboard the ship are totally accurate yet nobody takes her seriously).  Some of the exchanges between her and henpecked husband Alfred are hilarious:

"Alfred! I would like to get a sarcophagus like this to rest in eternally."
"I'll do my best, honey."

There's also an exotic dancer who's the very definition of "overripe" (I mean that in a really good way) constantly being courted by a world-famous hamburger tycoon, and a portly police inspector who makes like he's Hercule Poirot by deducing that since the first murder occurred at sea, then the culprit must be someone on board the ship.  "It's a shame," he opines after the hamburger guy is killed.  "The best hamburgers in the world."

After more mindnumbing mayhem, the finale has the inspector and his dangerously callow assistants tracking the mummy and the kidnapped Silvia to a cave where they manage to cause more chaos than they avert, leading to a startlingly abrupt ending that slams a sarcophagus lid on the whole shebang. 

The Blu-ray from The Film Detective is widescreen with an aspect ratio of 2.35 and Dolby digital sound.  English captions are available.  No extras.  The film itself is "in HD with a brand new 2K scan from a rare 35mm archival print.”  The picture quality is likely the best this film has seen since the 70s, although there's still a lot of blemishes here and there which I assume couldn't be helped. 

To be fair, many will find this film about as boring as...well, actually being a mummy.  But for those hardy souls who seek out bad movies to willingly subject themselves to, VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST may prove as pleasantly entertaining as it is woefully inept.



Release date: May 23, 2017

(Stills used are not taken from the Blu-ray disc)

VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2 -- DVD review by porfle

(NOTE: This review is based on the unrated director's cut. Originally posted on 9/11/11.)


The tall, skinny, bald guy with the chrome skull-mask, the wicked knife, and the video camera perched on his shoulder like a parrot is back in CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2 (2011) and this time, he's got back-up. 

The last we saw of Ol' Chrome-Dome (Nick Principe) back in the first LAID TO REST (2009), he was lying on the floor of a rural convenience store with his face ripped off and his skull smashed in.  Well, you can't keep a good monster down, so when this sequel picks up right where the last one left off, we see his crew sweep in, dispatch the investigating police, clean up the crime scene, and whisk their boss to an operating room where surgeons labor to save his life and what's left of his face.

It turns out that he's one of those multi-millionaires who can afford to do whatever the heck he pleases and pay people to willingly help him do it, even if that includes setting up an elaborate torture chamber for him (in his chrome-plating factory, naturally) and stocking it with kidnapped young girls.  His right-hand woman, Spann (the ever-popular Danielle Harris) even seems to enjoy her job, as does his main fixer, Preston, who is very well played by Brian Austin Greene. 



Green seems to revel in the Preston role, portraying a borderline psycho who wants to follow in his boss' footsteps by adopting the chromeskull mask and performing his first kills with an almost sexual ardor.  Not only do we get a shocking pre-titles sequence that harkens back to FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2, but we get a little of PART 5 as well with an imitator going around making like the main man.  This not only gives Green a chance to stretch his acting muscles but also gives gore fans a double dose of carnage.

Like a cross between Jason Voorhees and Mason Verger of HANNIBAL, Chromeskull, now sporting a hideous patchwork face, spends his recovery time stalking a new girl to obsess on now that Princess, his previous object of interest, is out of the picture.  Her replacement is Jess (Mimi Michaels), who has an eye disease that's slowly making her go blind.  In one of the film's first startling kill scenes, Jess' best friend is dispatched in imaginatively gruesome fashion and Jess is abucted, waking up in a casket while being taunted by Preston.  Mimi Michaels plays the role to the hilt, screaming very convincingly and emoting her buns off.

Thomas Dekker returns as Tommy (last seen driving away with Princess in the last film) and gets caught up in the whole mess again, this time coming to the aid of Jess.  They both end up in Chromeskull's factory where they witness some of the film's more elaborate kills, including a virtuoso decapitation and a thing with a spring-loaded blade cluster (a chrome-plated custom job designed by Preston) giving another character a really big smile. 

Other death scenes of interest include a nasty disembowelment (with the victim being portrayed by twins in order to achieve a tricky single take), a head sliced vertically in half like a cantelope, the impromptu chrome-plating of somebody else's head, and another impressive single take in which Chromeskull wipes out a number of cops one after the other in gruesome ways.  The gore effects are achieved, as in the previous film, by combining excellent practical effects with some subtle CGI enhancements. 



Speaking of cops, they're a pretty ineffectual bunch here.  Owain Yeoman plays Detective King, who looks a little young to be heading the precinct, and Christopher Allen Nelson (Beatrix' almost-husband Tommy in KILL BILL) is Max, his best detective.  "Best" being a relative term, since the whole squad amounts to little more than kill fodder for Chromeskull.  When they bust into the chrome-plating factory to rescue Jess and Detective King yells, "You're safe now!", I thought, "Yeah, right."  Hot female detective Holland (Angelina Armani) fares no better.

Gail O'Grady appears as Jess' mother and a grown-up Eric Lloyd (of the SANTA CLAUSE series) is billed as "Geeky Lackey."  The actress who played Princess in the first LAID TO REST, Bobbi Sue Luther, is neither seen here (her flashback scenes were reshot with Allison Kyler replacing her) nor mentioned by name (unless I missed it).  

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 surround sound.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras include a commentary with director Robert Hall, co-writer Kevin Bocarde, and actor Brian Austin Green, along with a making-of featurette, deleted scenes, bloopers, and a trailer.  There's also a feature which allows viewers to jump to any one of the various kill scenes.  (Stick around through the closing credits for a two-minute epilogue.)

While the film is pretty fast-paced and the additions to the Chromeskull mythology fairly interesting, I prefer the first film with its creepier settings, more enigmatic killer, more likable characters, and more involving story.  This one has none of its dry humor (Sean Whalen and Kevin Gage are especially missed) and the main girl, Jess, is winsome but not really all that interesting.  Still, CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2 is head and shoulders above most of the cheap slasher flicks being churned out lately, continuing the first film's "cavalcade of cool kills" approach with a little style and a lot of enthusiasm.  And Chromeskull is definitely one of the major movie monsters of the last few decades.

CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2 -- DVD review by porfle

LAID TO REST -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted in 2009

"A guy in a mask chasing a girl...that usually works," thought writer/director Robert Hall while thinking up ideas for a follow-up to his '04 debut feature, LIGHTNING BUG. And what a mask--a grinning chrome skull, which fits over the face of tall, lanky, cueball-bald actor Nick Principe. With his imposing stature and graceful, deliberate movements, in addition to being nattily-dressed in a tastefully tailored black outfit, Chrome Skull is one of the most interesting slasher anti-heroes since the 80s. And LAID TO REST (2009) is a glossy, blood-drenched, pedal-to-the-metal throwback to that era.

The chilling titles sequence gives us jagged glimpses of Chrome Skull nastily doing away with several young women. Then we meet our heroine, The Girl (Hall's wife Bobbi Sue Luther in a lively performance), as she wakes up in a closed casket in a funeral home, with no memory of who she is or how she got there. After witnessing the gruesome death of an old mortician (the venerable Richard Lynch) at the hands of Chrome Skull, she flees down the highway until she's picked up by a kindly redneck named Tucker (Kevin Gage, best-known by me as the vile "Waingro" in Michael Mann's HEAT), who takes her home. Tucker's wife Cindy (Lena Headey, "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles", 300) isn't too pleased at first, but soon warms up to the poor frightened woman. Then Chrome Skull shows up and pins Cindy's head to a wall with his knife.

We should probably talk about Chrome Skull's knife for a minute. It's a real doozy--in fact, it makes those things carried by guys like Jim Bowie and Crocodile Dundee look like toothpicks. Razor-sharp on one side, with jagged spikes on the other, the massive chrome blade is perfect not only for slicing and jabbing but also for sawing people's heads off. Which seems to be one of the many hobbies that keep Chrome Skull occupied. We never learn much about what happened to screw this guy up, but with a phallic extension like this, he definitely has a sexual hang-up or two rattling around in his shiny skull.

Anyway, Tucker is now on the run with Princess (his nickname for the mysterious girl) and along the way they pick up a geeky nerd named Stephen, who's played by the very familiar and funny Sean Whalen (THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS, TWISTER). They take refuge in the funeral home, which is troublesome for Stephen since his mother just died, and even more troublesome when he sees her head floating toward him in the dark. After a lot of running around from place to place, and a lot of doing stupid stuff that people in slasher movies always do, the three finally end up barricaded in a small grocery store with a couple of rave-bound party boys named Tommy and Johnny (Thomas Dekker, Johnathon Schaech). But they can't keep Chrome Skull out for long, and before you know it he's in there making mincemeat out of anything with a heartbeat.

This is the kind of eye-popping, knuckle-baring slasher flick I was looking for back in the old days whenever I'd trudge to the latest FRIDAY THE 13TH crapfest or rent yet another piece of dreck like THE BURNING or THE PROWLER, ever hopeful that the next one would actually turn out to be worth watching. With LAID TO REST, Robert Hall has taken the old formula and done it up with all the bells and whistles--state-of-the-art gore effects from his own renowned makeup studio Almost Human, a sharp script that lovingly reprises all the old cliches while giving us a few new twists, a top-notch cast, and a cool monster who videotapes his kills with a shoulder-mounted camera (an element which will later provide clues to Princess' mysterious origins). Hall proves himself a very capable director, and the cinematography, done with a Panasonic HPX-3000 high-definition 1080p camera in the AVC Intra Mode (I don't know what any of that means, but it sounds awesome), makes this one of the best-looking indy slasher flicks you'll ever see. Hall's own band Deadbox contributes to the exciting heavy metal musical score.

Extras include an enthusiastic audio commentary from husband-wife team Hall and Luther and the half-hour "Postmortem: The Making of Laid to Rest", a very entertaining and well-produced documentary. There's also a look at "The SFX of Laid to Rest", a few deleted scenes, some funny bloopers, and a trailer.

This isn't "torture porn" as much as an homage to the classic stalker-slasher era with suspense sequences punctuated by sudden, flabbergasting death scenes. It's the kind of gore effects that you used to see featured in big full-color spreads in Fangoria magazine, but when you went to see the movie you'd find they'd all been snipped into almost subliminal split-second flashes to avoid an "X" rating. Not in this unrated director's cut, however--everything's as horribly graphic as the most avid gorehound could hope for. Almost Human studios specializes in realistic-looking dead bodies, which are abundant in the aftermath of Chrome Skull's homicidal activities, and they also give us some of the most shocking kill scenes ever created. These are done with good old-fashioned makeup FX (one death scene even uses bladders) which are augmented by CGI to create some pretty convincing carnage. The most jaw-dropping (literally!) effect comes fairly early as one guy gets Chrome Skull's blade right through his cheeks, which our whimsical hero removes by taking the top of the guy's head off. Yikes! If that sounds intriguing to you, then you really should check out LAID TO REST. If not, then I would advise you to stay as far away from this movie as possible.

LAID TO REST -- DVD Review by Porfle

VIDEO NASTIES: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE PART 2 -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 1/30/15

One of the oddest episodes in the history of splatter flicks was that whole business about "video nasties" that happened in England back in the 80s and 90s. Back then, Margaret Thatcher and several other government types were popping their corks over any small-screen (i.e. "video") entertainment that involved any kind of graphic gore, and were using all their legal powers to squelch, suppress, censor, and generally pull the plug on the whole bloody shebang.

We know now, of course, that--to paraphrase Allan Carr--you just can't stop the splatter. In "Video Nasties--The Definitive Guide" we learned about Thatcher's infamous banned list, which spelled out which films were not only officially frowned upon but would be forcibly removed from video stores and destroyed, and their offending owners prosecuted.

With its follow-up, the documentary VIDEO NASTIES: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE PART 2, subtitled "Draconian Days" (Severin Films 3-disc DVD set), we learn that the story continued for many years afterward as censorship and legal action against the offending horror videos grew stricter and more draconian than ever before, while sensationalistic news stories fanned the flames of public condemnation.

The story focuses mainly on the BBFC--British Board of Film Classification--under the strict rule of board director James Ferman. This group of video watchdogs tirelessly scrutinized the seemingly neverending flow of movies containing the sort of violence, gore, and "sick" themes which, they feared, might be accessible by children even if the videos themselves were purchased or rented by "responsible" adults.

Ferman wielded his censor's scissors recklessly and to such extremes that other members of the BBFC, some of whom are interviewed here, began to question him. But for years, a generous number of horror films were either mercilessly edited or banned outright, which, ironically, made them even more sought-after by avid gorehounds who created a vast bootlegging and trading underground.

While the documentary contains numerous film clips, it's composed mainly of talking head segments featuring various politicians, filmmakers, authors, and other interested parties, each offering accounts of their own personal views and experiences during this era of extreme censorship and artistic persecution.

At one point even David Cronenberg shows up to posit that the censors were just as delusional as the psychos supposedly getting all their ideas and inspiration from horror films. This doesn't seem at all unlikely when the documentary details the time in which the infamous murder of toddler James Bulger by two young boys was blamed in large part on the film CHILD'S PLAY 3.

As with the previous installment, director Jake West does a meticulous job of putting it all together to create an engrossing and informative narrative. Those who enjoy documentaries should have little problem getting into this. Those who don't, however, will probably be bored stiff.

For them, discs two and three are just the thing, for they contain trailers for all the blood 'n' guts classics once deemed too sick, horrific, depraved, and just plain evil for sensitive British subjects to handle. The discs offer 82 trailers in all, namely those titles chosen under Section 3 of the Obscene Publications Act which could be seized and destroyed, either from places of business or from citizens' private homes as well.

A great feature of these discs is the choice to watch the trailers one after another, uninterrupted, or to view detailed, informative introductory reviews of each title by a very knowledgeable bunch of filmmakers, authors, and critics.

Some of the 82 titles include BLOOD LUST, BRUTES AND SAVAGES, CANNIBALS, DEAD KIDS, DEEP RED, DEATH WEEKEND, DEMENTED, EATEN ALIVE, HEADLESS EYES, HELL PRISON, LOVE BUTCHER, MARK OF THE DEVIL, MASSACRE MANSION, SAVAGE TERROR, SCREAM FOR VENGEANCE, SUICIDE CULT, THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE, XTRO, and ZOMBIE HOLOCAUST.

In addition to these, bonus features also include two galleries--the first, covers from dozens of gore fanzines from the era, and the second, covers from all the videos which were either successfully prosecuted under the Obscene Publications Act or deemed liable for seizure but not prosecution. Discs are in anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital mono sound. No subtitles.

As before, this DVD set's design presentation itself, with its simulated videotape imperfections and "adjust tracking" prompts, is fun for the nostalgic VHS fan. But that's just icing on the cake for VIDEO NASTIES: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE PART 2, which is rewarding not only for its intensive history of the subject but also for a wealth of trailers that should have gorehounds barking at the bloody moon.



Read our review of Part One

VIDEO NASTIES: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE PART 2 -- DVD Review by Porfle

VIDEO NASTIES: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE -- DVD Review by Porfle

  Originally posted 6/25/2014

 

For those unfamiliar with the story, Severin Home Video's new 3-disc DVD set VIDEO NASTIES: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE should serve as a more than adequate recap of one of the strangest cultural battles ever to take place on English soil. And even if you already know all the information imparted by the collection's first disc documentary, "Video Nasties: Moral Panic, Censorship, and Videotape" (2010), the barrage of trailers on discs 2 and 3 should keep you entertained for hours.

The 2010 documentary, directed by Jake West, begins as the home video craze is heating up in the early 80s. One of the hottest attractions is what would become known as the "video nasty", namely those cheap but extremely gory horror flicks that had many of us haunting our local mom 'n' pop video stores looking for anything with some of that good ol' shock value.

But when societal watchdogs in England such as aging activist Mary Whitehouse noticed that these gruesome films were bypassing theatrical age restrictions and being watched on home VCRs by little kids, something was bound to hit the fan.

With something new to censor, various members of Parliament joined Ms. Whitehouse and an indignant press in stirring up public outrage against the "sadist videos" (which Whitehouse admitted to never having watched) along with some heavy legal backlash. The first step was a widespread confiscation, with 32,000 tapes such as DRILLER KILLER and DEATH TRAP being seized and burned in London's Metropolitan area alone.

As righteous anger over these videos grew, so did the penalties for distributing and renting them, with several offenders paying large fines and even going to jail. Newspapers and police began using the films to conveniently explain all sorts of criminal behavior, accusing them of potentially "corrupting and depraving" anyone who watched them.

It wasn't long before Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher jumped on the bandwagon in order to attain some much-needed moral cred, coming up with a list of 72 banned titles that could get you into big trouble if caught renting or distributing them. This list, of course, became a "must-see" menu for fans of the genre although the films were becoming increasingly difficult to find.

The documentary describes how the banned video nasties got copied and passed around by fans, and how these multi-generation tapes had a fuzziness which helped obscure bad FX and make the images seem more mysterious and realistic. One of my favorite things about "Video Nasties: Moral Panic, Censorship, and Videotape", in fact, is how it delves into the nostalgia those of us from the VCR era still have for those big, clunky machines and often battered tapes that we ran through them.

The documentary--and, in fact, the DVD packaging and menus themselves--display an almost fetishistic regard for VCRs, VHS, videotape imperfections, and other quirks of the medium with which I could strongly identify. There's also a fond remembrance of those hole-in-the-wall video stores that seemed to pop up just about everywhere in the 80s, each of which had its own individual ambience and unique variety of titles both familiar and obscure.

What I didn't like so much about the documentary--and it's a small gripe--is that it leans rather heavily on talking heads (politicians, filmmakers, critics, and other interested parties from the era) and not enough film clips. However, since discs 2 and 3 more than make up for this, then disc 1 can be forgiven for being more of a history lesson than anything else.

Disc 2 features trailers for "The Final 39", or the films that were successfully prosecuted in UK courts and "deemed liable to deprave and corrupt." Retailers and distributors could be heavily fined and even imprisoned for handling these hot-button horrors. The trailers range all the way from something called ABSURD to ZOMBIE FLESH-EATERS, with some of the titles in-between including: THE BEAST, CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST, THE DRILLER KILLER, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE, NIGHTMARES IN A DAMAGED BRAIN (I think I rented this under the shortened title NIGHTMARES), and the infamous fake-out SNUFF.

Disc 3 contains trailers for the 33 films that were initially banned but later removed from the "leper list" (as I just now decided to call it). Are they truly milder than the notorious 39 and less likely to turn viewers into gibbering sadists? It's your call as the line-up includes such blood-soaked fare as THE BOGEY MAN, DEATH TRAP, DEEP RIVER SAVAGES, THE EVIL DEAD (that one definitely warped MY mind), THE FUNHOUSE, HUMAN EXPERIMENTS, THE TOOLBOX MURDERS, and ZOMBIE CREEPING FLESH.

The trailers on Discs 2 and 3 can be viewed in all their uninterrupted glory, or with introductions and reviews (some pretty in-depth) from some of the talking heads seen in Disc 1's feature documentary. Cult horror presenter Emily Booth greets us at the start of each disc. Other extras include VHS box art and video logo galleries. The discs are in anamorphic widescreen with Dolby digital sound. No subtitles.

"Video Nasties: Moral Panic, Censorship, and Videotape" is an interesting but slow-moving and occasionally dull account of a fascinating time in British history. Lots of yakkity-yak and not enough video clips slow things down to a creep even though this is a valuable historical document that should be seen by anyone interested in the subject. But it's that collection of "must-see list" trailers that really rates VIDEO NASTIES: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE a nasty niche in your own video library.



Read our review of Part Two

 

VIDEO NASTIES: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE -- DVD Review by Porfle

GRINDHOUSE TRAILER CLASSICS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

 Originally posted on 9/5/2014

 

The most recent movie trailer compilations I've seen have been theme-oriented--namely, the self-explanatory OZPLOITATION TRAILER EXPLOSION and VIDEO NASTIES: A DEFINITIVE GUIDE--which is as good a way to watch a bunch of trailers as any.

But as demonstrated by Intervision's new DVD release, GRINDHOUSE TRAILER CLASSICS, you don't really need any kind of an excuse at all to watch a bunch of trailers, just as long as they're shamelessly exploiting the most down-and-dirty sex, violence, horror, and gore flicks that ever snaked their way through a hot projector.

If you can make it past the startling cover pic of a severed female zombie head with blank, demonic eyes chowing down on a dismembered hand--or are, in fact, lured in by it--you know this is your kind of entertainment. What you're in for during the next 129 minutes is fifty-five stomach-churning, mind-warping trailers for the kind of titanic trash that kept grindhouses and drive-ins in business back in the 60s and 70s.

Here, you get all the good scenes smashed together (it seems like every trailer was a "red band" trailer in those days) and liberally garnished with some of the most purple prose ever to gush from the mouth of an overheated voiceover guy. In fact, you're in for a letdown if you actually see some of these flicks after checking out the trailers.

After the classic "Prevues of Coming Attractions" bumper to get our nostalgic juices flowing comes the first selection, the infamous double bill of I DRINK YOUR BLOOD/ I EAT YOUR SKIN. Another double feature, BLOOD SPATTERED BRIDE and I DISMEMBER MAMA, is heralded by faux news footage of police dragging a man out of the theater after the films have driven him berserk.

Next comes Tarantino favorite SWITCHBLADE SISTERS followed by Barbara Steele in the women-in-prison classic CAGED HEAT. (Paul Frees fans will recognize his dulcet tones in the voiceovers.) The lurid EYEBALL ("You may not live to see the end of it!") is followed by the even more twisted Ed Gein-inspired DERANGED with Roberts Blossom.

More kill-crazy caged women and soapy shower scenes follow in THE BIG DOLL HOUSE with beauties Pam Grier and Roberta Collins and the less-than-beauteous Sid Haig. Then comes statuesque blonde Dixie Peabody on "a roaring rampage of revenge" in the biker classic BURY ME AN ANGEL, which my older sister took me to see at the drive-in when I was a kid. (Thanks, sis!)

LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, which I really don't like, gives way to another Tarantino fave, THE STREET FIGHTER with Sonny Chiba, and the grandmammy of all Nazisploitation flicks, ILSA: SHE WOLF OF THE S.S. starring the gorgeous Dyanne Thorne (who will later turn up in ILSA: HAREM KEEPER OF THE OIL SHIEKS with Ushi Digard and Joyce Mandell).

Also on the maniacal menu: Bernie Casey as DR. BLACK AND MR. HYDE, DON'T OPEN THE WINDOW, rappin' Rudy Ray Moore as THE HUMAN TORNADO ("I got a dong as big as King Kong!"), the skin and sadism of CAGED VIRGINS, "angels of vengeance on a massacre marathon" EBONY, IVORY, AND JADE, and the mind-boggling boobs of Chesty Morgan in the Doris Wishman sleaze-tacular DEADLY WEAPONS.

And that's not even the first hour. More titles include TORSO, THEY CALL HER ONE-EYE, DEATH SHIP with George Kennedy, Richard Crenna, and Kate Reid, MASTER OF THE FLYING GUILLOTINE, HOUSE OF WHIPCORD, THE THING WITH TWO HEADS with Rosey Grier and Ray Milland ("A white bigot's head on a black soul brother's body!"), and David Cronenberg's early horror shocker THEY CAME FROM WITHIN (aka "Shivers").

There's a lot more, but you get the idea. The DVD from Intervision is in anamorphc widescreen with Dolby Digital sound and English subtitles. A gallery of grindhouse poster art is accompanied by the gorgeous Emily Booth hosting a featurette entitled "Bump 'N' Grind."

But it's those gloriously sleazy, lurid, and credulity-straining GRINDHOUSE TRAILER CLASSICS that make this a must-see for anyone who enjoys a good wallow in cinema's most celebrated sewage.

GRINDHOUSE TRAILER CLASSICS -- DVD Review by Porfle

FATHER'S DAY -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 2/24/12

 

I didn't know quite what to expect when I started watching FATHER'S DAY (2011), a condition which persisted throughout the entire movie.  Just when you think you've pretty much figured out what it is you're watching, it turns into something a whole lot weirder and several times nuttier.

Written, directed, and starred in by a group of Winnipeg filmmakers who call themselves Astron-6, it's an unashamedly stupid, gore-drenched grab bag of tongue-in-cheek tough-guy action-horror-comedy antics done in the fake-grindhouse style of PLANET TERROR, but with real grindhouse production values and attitude. 

Most nostalgic of all for me, it's presented as though home-taped sometime during the 80s off a late-night cable station called ASTR-TV, complete with promo bumpers, smarmy announcer, and a mid-movie faux trailer for something really, really cheesy called STAR RAIDERS.

The story begins in semi-sane fashion with corpulent "Father's Day Killer" Chris Fuchman (Mackenzie Murdock) raping and butchering dads, including that of gay street hustler Twink (Conor Sweeney).  This repellent character also killed the father of young Ahab and cut out his right eye in the bargain. 

Now grown up, Ahab (Adam Brooks) is a growly-voiced, eye-patched "Snake Plissken" type out for revenge along with his stripper sister Chelsea (Amy Groening), the addlebrained Twink, and a jittery young priest named Father John (Matthew Kennedy) whose blind, aging mentor also met a horrific Fuchman-related fate. 

What follows makes ARMY OF DARKNESS look like a Doris Day/Rock Hudson comedy as this simple revenge flick gets progressively more absurd.  Characters obsess "Monty Python"-style over simple figures of speech, as when Ahab tells Father John that it's time to harvest his maple syrup before it turns bitter and Father John wrongly interprets this as a metaphor for Ahab and his sister Chelsea, after which a confused Ahab spends five minutes trying to figure out why Father John just compared him to a tree.

Twink, meanwhile, begins the film as a deceptively serious character grieving over his dead dad (Billy Sadoo's acting while being murdered by Fuchman is strikingly realistic), making his descent into extreme goofiness even more pronounced.  Elsewhere, Father John's odyssey takes him from a meltdown in the pulpit worthy of Richard Burton on laughing gas (in a scene which may have been inspired by the opening to NIGHT OF THE IGUANA) to a hostage situation in Heaven with the desperate priest holding God (Troma head honcho Lloyd Kaufman) at gunpoint. 

While all this is going on, Fuchman continues his reign of terror complete with a cornucopia of wet 'n' wild gore effects including entrails, exploding heads, and one shocking moment that gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "eat me."  None of this, however, is quite as disturbing as the image of a full-on naked Mackenzie Murdock displaying his eye-watering genitalia and humping everyone in sight. 

Just when you think our heroes have defeated the bad guy and made everything right with the world again, FATHER'S DAY pulls out all the stops and goes totally off the deep end with Ahab, Twink, and Father John descending into Hell to rescue Chelsea, who's been kidnapped by Fuchman to be the bearer of his evil seed or whatever. 

While this may sound pretty horrible, it's all basically just an excuse to ramp up the bizarre off-the-wall comedy to even greater heights (or should I say depths) of calculated idiocy.  Along with even more squishy gore effects, of course.  Oh yeah, and I almost forgot to mention the extreme incest sequence and the buxom, chainsaw-wielding stripper played by my future wife, Zsuzsi. 

As nastily nostalgic as the more expensive, star-studded PLANET TERROR and packed with more grindhouse-verite' style than HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN, the gleefully horrendous FATHER'S DAY will be a riotous romp for some, a nauseating nightmare for others.  You probably know which camp you're in by now. 


Our coverage of the film's premiere

Official website

FATHER'S DAY -- Movie Review by Porfle

WE ARE THE FLESH -- Movie Review by Porfle

(Originally posted in 2017)

 

Sometimes you finish watching a movie and think, "Well, that was weird."  With WE ARE THE FLESH (2016), you may find yourself saying that after every scene.  Maybe even every single thing that happens in every scene.

The premise is simple--a very strange and twisted man named Mariano (Noé Hernández in gleefully-crazed mode) is up to something very strange and twisted in an abandoned building, and when homeless brother and sister Lucio (Diego Gamaliel) and Maria (Maria Evoli) enter the building seeking food and shelter, they enter into Mariano's world.  What follows is complete and utter madness.

Mariano's madness is expressed verbally through his incessant wild-eyed philosophizing, which lays bare the inner roilings of his squirming id.  Since philosophy and madness can be an unsettling combination, this alone is enough to leave us reeling. 

Fueled by endless exuberance and made manifest with a manic industriousness--in which he forces his two unwilling charges to participate--the result is a nightmare of horror and perversion limited only by a wholly unfettered imagination.

What follows is a dizzying cinematic freefall into the most extreme depths of depravity in which such things as incest and necrophilia are only the start.  This is filmmaking on a subconscious level, with no limits or boundaries. 

The abundant amounts of sex and violence are both graphic and grotesque.  In fact, once this film gets cranked up, very little occurs that isn't shockingly, disturbingly grotesque. 

 

Needless to say, this film is not--I repeat, NOT--for everyone.

Eventually I reached a point where I stopped trying to evaluate WE ARE THE FLESH on a technical level--that this is writer-director Emiliano Rocha Minter's first feature film is something of an artistic marvel--and just found myself trying to endure it.  Most of it is very hard to get through, and I couldn't wait for several of the scenes to end. 

Comparisons to other filmmakers come to mind.  I kept being reminded of the work of Spanish surrealist Fernando Arrabal, whose images are similarly outlandish and disturbing, and that of David Lynch during his willfully strange ERASERHEAD days. 

The joyful reveling in the grotesque also reminded me of PINK FLAMINGOS-era John Waters, while some of the imagery that's just plain out-there seems like it could've been conceived by a deranged Stanley Kubrick tripping his head off on LSD. 



Much of the story takes place within a giant fabricated womb, writhing with naked bodies caked in blood and filth and engaged in acts so degrading as to give even the most jaded viewer second thoughts about whether or not they should even be watching.  I began to seriously question if doing so could by any stretch of the imagination be described as "entertainment." 

So there you have it.  WE ARE THE FLESH, whatever else it may be, is a stunningly effective descent into the underbelly of cinema which, depending on your individual tastes, tolerances, and/or convictions, has the power to either rivet or repel. 

As for me personally, I didn't enjoy it, but I don't think I was supposed to.  And I'm a little relieved that I didn't.

 

Spanish w/ English subtitles / 80 minutes / 1.85:1

Los Angeles Theatrical Release:
Friday, January 13, 2017
Laemmle's Ahrya Fine Arts Theatre
8556 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills, CA 90211

This title will be released on Blu-ray and DVD February 14, 2017

WE ARE THE FLESH -- Movie Review by Porfle

PLANET TERROR / DEATH PROOF -- Movie Reviews by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/21/09. Contains spoilers.

 

If you grew up going to big, dark, seedy movie theaters or rundown drive-ins that showed battered, tattered, spliced-and-diced prints of cheap exploitation flicks--and loving every minute of it-- then Robert Rodriguez' incredibly well-rendered homage to all that great stuff, PLANET TERROR (2007), just might be more fun than you can handle. 

 Originally part of the Rodriguez-Tarantino team-up GRINDHOUSE, which also featured QT's roadkill thriller DEATH PROOF, PLANET TERROR now stands alone on DVD in an extended, unrated version that is pure adrenaline-fueled goofy fun from beginning to end. 

The movie plunks us smack-dab into the old grindhouse atmosphere right off the bat with original "prevues of coming attractions" and "our feature presentation" clips, along with a kickass, spot-on trailer parody for a fictitious flick called MACHETE starring the ever-popular Danny Trejo as a blade-wielding badass for hire. It's only a couple of minutes long, but it contains enough outrageous action clips and gravely-intoned taglines ("If you're going to hire him to kill the bad guy--you'd better make damn sure the bad guy isn't YOU!") to make us wish it was a real movie. (Which it soon will be, apparently--according to IMDb, Rodriguez is preparing MACHETE for an 2010 release.) 

After a vintage clip informing us that the following movie is intended for adults only, PLANET TERROR kicks in full blast with a title sequence featuring scantily-clad star Rose McGowan doing a very energetic pole-dance in a seedy Texas club. Holy G-strings, Batman! I don't know how you'll react, but it got my full attention. Rose is definitely lookin' good these days. 

Her character, Cherry Darling, quits the club in the not-too-likely hope of becoming a stand-up comedian. On the walk home she's almost run over by a convoy of vehicles on its way to an abandoned military base. Here, a shady deal goes down between greedy scientist Abby (Naveen Andrews, "Lost") and a group of renegade soldiers led by Lt. Muldoon (Bruce Willis) concerning a mysterious toxic gas called DC-2. The soldiers, it turns out, have been exposed to the gas and now need to inhale it in measured doses to counteract its horrific effects. But the deal erupts into a bloody gunfight, and before long a cloud of DC-2 is headed toward town. 

Meanwhile, Cherry runs into her old lover Wray (Freddy Rodríguez, "Six Feet Under") in a roadside barbecue joint called The Bone Shack, which is run by the grizzled J.T. Hague (an almost unrecognizable Jeff Fahey). Cherry bums a ride home in Wray's wrecker truck, but they're attacked by some flesh-eating DC-2 zombies who make off with Cherry's right leg. 

At the hospital, soon-to-become-zombies are pouring into the emergency ward, where Josh Brolin is doing his best Nick Nolte imitation as the burnt-out, hypochondriac Dr. Block. Block is preoccupied by the fact that his wife, Dakota (Marley Shelton, SIN CITY) is having an affair with another woman played by "Fergie" of the Black-Eyed Peas, Stacy Ferguson. But he'll have more pressing concerns on his hands when the hospital begins to fill up with pus-spewing, gut-chomping zombies. 

Wray gets hauled off to jail by Sheriff Hauge (Michael Biehn), who has had previous legal troubles with him. The sheriff is J.T.'s brother, and one of the funniest running gags in the film is him desperately trying to coerce J.T. into sharing his secret barbecue sauce recipe with him. But while he's booking Wray for whatever he can think of, zombies strike the police station in force and there's another extremely bloody battle. Wray eventually makes his way back to the hospital to rescue Cherry, ramming a table leg onto the end of her stump in lieu of a more traditional prosthesis. 

The "Lt. Dan"-style missing-leg effects are awesome here, especially when Wray later replaces the table leg with a machine gun/grenade launcher that turns Cherry into one of the coolest warrior women in movie history. Yet another awesome shoot-em-up scene occurs at the besieged, flame-engulfed barbecue joint, where the non-infected survivors have congregated and we discover that Wray is really El Wray. The significance of this is never explained (not only does the film "melt" during the big sex scene, but there's actually a missing reel!) but it's enough to convince Sheriff Hague, who tells his deputy, "Give him a gun. Give him all the guns." 

The survivors' flight down the highway in whatever escape vehicles they can scrounge up is a thrilling sequence highlighted by the sheriff bashing zombie pedestrians to bloody smithereens in Wray's wrecker while Wray heads the convoy on a tiny pocket bike. The finale occurs at the old military base after they've all been detained by Lt. Muldoon and his renegade soldiers. Tarantino turns up as a lecherous psycho who tries to act out his women-in-cages fantasies with Cherry and Dakota, and ends up "getting the point", so to speak. His performance has been derided by some, but Tarantino knows exactly what kind of character he's playing and does it to a tee. (He also gets to perform the film's biggest gross-out scene, and boy, is it gross.) 

The good guys eventually escape from their cells and battle their way toward a helicopter, and not only does everything blow up real good but Cherry gets a mind-boggling opportunity to display her newly-developed battle skills in one of the coolest scenes ever. All of this weird, wild stuff is wrought with all the directorial skills, grindhouse nostalgia, and giddy Monster Kid glee that Robert Rodriguez can muster. Once this thing gets started, it's non-stop over-the-top action all the way, drenched in gouts of fake blood 'n' guts and brimming with all the wonderful 70s exploitation elements Rodriguez can cram into it. 

Stylistically, it's a near-perfect homage, complete with scratchy film, bad edits and splices to give it the look of an old, battered print that's been shown too many times, arch dialogue, and special effects that are well-rendered while being intentionally cheesy-looking. With the DVD's audience-reaction track activated, which to me is the only way to watch this film, it's like sitting in a cheap theater back in the old days. Rodriguez' conviction to go all the way with this concept has resulted in one of the most fun movies I've ever seen. 

The entire cast is outstanding. Michael Parks returns as Texas Ranger Earl McGraw, a character that has appeared in Rodriguez' FROM DUSK TILL DAWN and Tarantino's KILL BILL and is further developed here. Gore makeup master Tom Savini and the original "El Mariachi" himself, Carlos Gallardo, appear as deputies. Rodriguez' twin nieces, Elise and Electra Avellán, play the Crazy Babysitter Twins, who should definitely be in their own movie. And his son Rebel does a nice job as the Blocks' young son, Tony, who loves tarantulas and scorpions but should never be trusted with a gun. 

This DVD is one of the best Christmas gifts I ever got. Rarely have I had this much pure, unadulterated fun watching a movie. Of course, if you're one of those people who post on IMDb asking puzzled questions like "what's with all the scratches?" or pointing out all the obvious "goofs" and "gaffes", this movie probably isn't for you. But if you're an old-school flick fan who gets what Robert Rodriguez is up to here from the git-go, then chances are PLANET TERROR is an exploitation extravaganza that will be held over for an extended run in your home grindhouse theater.  

 

Having gone ga-ga over PLANET TERROR, I couldn't wait to see the other half of the GRINDHOUSE double-feature he and collaborator Quentin Tarantino unleashed on widely unsuspecting audiences in '07. QT's muscle-car mayhem epic DEATH PROOF, while not as over-the-top awesome as Rodriguez' film, is still a pure, giddy joy that revels in the down and dirty delights of its low-budget inspirations. 

We're first introduced to four lovely young wimmins cruising the Tex-Mex diners and bars of Austin, Texas, yakking endlessly about guys and planning an all-girl party at Lake LBJ. There's the petite blonde, Shanna (Cheryl Ladd's daughter Jordan of HOSTEL PART II and CABIN FEVER), leather-clad tough chick Lanna-Frank (Monica Staggs), sexy Brooklyn gal Butterfly (Vanessa Ferlito), and locally-famous radio DJ Jungle Julia (Sydney Tamiia Poitier, Sidney's daughter). 

Rose McGowan, the star of PLANET TERROR, plays a smaller role here as Pam, Julia's grade-school rival who shows up at the Texas Chili Parlor run by Warren (Tarantino) while the girls are there partying with some horny guys that include a funny Eli Roth (HOSTEL). And, for the record, PLANET TERROR's ever-popular Crazy Babysitter Twins are there as well. 

Also sitting at the bar stuffing himself with nacho platters is the burly, scarfaced Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell), a washed-up Hollywood stuntman who takes an interest in the girls and, through a series of circumstances, ends up getting a lap dance from Butterfly in a steamy set-piece. While Stuntman Mike seems friendly enough, there's something creepy and vaguely dangerous about him. 

But Pam needs a ride home and climbs into his black '69 Dodge Charger, which, as Mike tells her, is so heavily-reinforced for stuntwork as to be "death proof." This, however, only applies to the person behind the wheel, which Pam finds out to her immense regret as soon as they hit the street. 

The first half of DEATH PROOF has the same battered, scratchy, spliced-to-hell look of PLANET TERROR, which should bring back fond memories to anyone who's actually been in a grindhouse or watched a midnight show where the print was as old as they are. For me, the nostalgic joy began in the very first seconds as soon as I heard that awesome bass line from Jack Nitszche's VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS theme, otherwise known as "The Last Race." Then the title, which, for a split second, is "Quentin Tarantino's Thunder Bolt" until the words "DEATH PROOF" are crudely spliced in, mimicking the look of all those cheap films that have been re-released under different titles. Another jarring splice cuts the title sequence short and dumps us into the movie proper. 

 Later, reel changes are clearly heralded by splotchy indicators and one of the biggest moments of the film, Butterfly's lap dance for Stuntman Mike, ends abruptly due to missing footage. This is the kind of stuff that will mean nothing to a lot of viewers, and in fact seems to put many of them off--which is probably one of the main reasons public reaction to this movie has been so divided--but it makes me as giddy as a schoolgirl. 

What happens midway through DEATH PROOF is one of the most thrilling and totally unexpected scenes of recent years--I had to rewind and watch it two or three times just convince myself that this flabbergasting event really happened. Then, after a denouement which features yet another welcome appearance by Michael Parks' Texas Ranger character Earl McGraw, who got his brains blown out way back in FROM DUSK TILL DAWN but refuses to die, the movie blinks forward fourteen months and transports us to Lebanon, Tennessee, where Stuntman Mike is up to his old tricks again. 

This time, we meet four more young women who are in town for the making of a softcore "cheerleader" movie. Rosario Dawson (SIN CITY) is makeup artist Abbie, and Mary Elizabeth Winstead is the movie's cutie-pie star, Lee. Their two friends are hardcore stuntwomen Kim (Tracie Thoms) and real-life stuntwoman Zoë Bell, who plays herself. Zoë's dream is to drive a white 1970 Dodge Challenger with a 440 engine, just like the one in VANISHING POINT. 

 Sure enough, there's a guy in town with one for sale, and before long, the girls (minus Lee) are out for a pedal-to-the-metal test drive that includes a hair-raising stunt called "Ship's Mast" with Zoë sprawled across the car's hood. This, of course, is when Stuntman Mike makes a surprise reappearance, crashing into the Challenger and then trying to run it off the road in a prolonged, stunt-packed pursuit over rural roads and highways. 

 Having a real stuntwoman playing a main role adds to the excitement because we see her face the whole time and know she's really doing all of this dangerous and thrilling stuff herself. Tarantino also uses legendary veterans such as Buddy Joe Hooker and Terry Leonard for the driving stunts, allowing him to indulge his imagination with some of the most incredible set-ups ever filmed. "Adrenaline-charged" would be an apt way to describe this harrowing car chase sequence, all the way up to the truly kooky ending in which the girls turn the tables on ol' Stuntman Mike. 

 The battered-print look disappears in DEATH PROOF's second half, as though we're now seeing another kind of exploitation flick--perhaps the more upper-scale stuff (GONE IN SIXTY SECONDS, VANISHING POINT, et al) that Kim and Zoë like to gush about. One thing that remains consistent throughout the movie, though, is Quentin Tarantino's well-known obsession with female feet. If you're a foot fetishist too, you'll love this movie from the very first frame, as this appears to be Tarantino's substitute for the gratuitous "boob shots" often seen in the usual grindhouse fare. 

There's also an abundance of big butts, gorgeous legs, and stuffed shirts, all lovingly photographed by a gleefully leering QT. Sydney Tamiia Poitier, in particular, proves a highly photogenic focus for such directorial indulgence. I'm not complaining. 

I have heard complaints that much of the girls' dialogue scenes in this movie are too ponderous and not as witty or clever as the "royale with cheese"-type stuff from PULP FICTION. Me, I just like to hear Tarantino's characters talk, even when it isn't all deliciously quotable. These long yakkity-yak scenes also help us get to know the characters before they're subjected to extreme terror and peril by Stuntman Mike. As the crazed highway stalker, Kurt Russell is simply wonderful. Relaxed, jovial, but somehow not quite right, Mike is a great character and Russell is obviously having a ball playing him. 

Tarantino has already wowed the mainstream with RESERVOIR DOGS and PULP FICTION--here he's content to give us old-time, pre-multiplex movie fans like himself a thoroughly entertaining thrill ride down memory lane in a souped-up exploitation flick with a defiant get-it-or-don't attitude. Like PLANET TERROR, the other half of this heartfelt love letter to grindhouse fans, DEATH PROOF doesn't need mainstream acceptance to validate it or make it good. It's critic-proof.

 

 

PLANET TERROR / DEATH PROOF -- Movie Reviews by Porfle