SUFFERING OF NINKO -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/26/18

 

For those with a taste for the unusual, SUFFERING OF NINKO (2016) should prove a delectable, perhaps even sumptous treat. While hardly the nuttiest Asian supernatural film set in ancient Japan that I've ever seen, it easily ranks as one of my more keenly unusual movie-watching experiences.

The establishing shots alone let us know that we're in for a beautifully rendered film by first time feature director (and writer and producer and editor) Norihiro Niwatsukino, whose credits on the project mark it as an intensely personal vision.

Set in Japan's Edo period (around the 16th century or so), the story begins in a monastery where young monk Ninko (Masato Tsujioka) is the most ardent and hardworking of all his peers. But for all his virtue and spiritual purity, he suffers from a terrible burden--he is incredibly, insanely irresistible to every woman he comes into contact with.

At first this is depicted with subtle hints of lighthearted comedy despite the film's solemn tone, with Ninko's excursions into a nearby village with his brothers to beg for alms descending into chaos as all the women in the area converge upon the group to grab, grope, drool over, and attempt to seduce the hapless Ninko with every feminine trick in their book and a few that are clearly made up on the spot.

Ninko's ordeal is deftly portrayed by showing us how his zen meditation sessions first serve as a source of peace and spiritual comfort but gradually evolve into furious psycho-sexual fever dreams that have him writhing in sexual agony before finally driving him out of his mind.

This sequence is the most surreal of the film and is enhanced by Edo-inspired drawings and animations (which recur throughout the film to add to its old Japanese storytelling style) and an unusual rendition of Ravel's "Bolero" played with traditional Japanese instruments.

Here we also get one of the first hints that Ninko is being haunted and perhaps stalked by a powerful supernatural female entity with long black hair, whom we see dancing seductively behind a bland-expression mask.

After recovering his senses, Ninko is ordered to set off on a journey of self-discovery to confront his problems and deal with them head on.  The narrative really gets going when he meets a mercenary ronin named Kanzo (Hideta Iwahashi) and the two of them are hired by local villagers to hunt down an evil sorceress, Yama-onna (Miho Wakabayashi), who seduces men with her irresistible sexuality and drains them of their lifeforce, leaving only lifeless, mummified husks.

We've seen hints of Yama-onna appearing teasingly to Ninko throughout the film, as though she senses his own sexual power and sees it, and him, as a challenge.  Ninko, meanwhile, suffers even more when it occurs to him that he may in fact be some kind of inhuman sexual creature himself.

Kanzo, the roguish swordsman, looks upon all this as an amusing (he likes Ninko) and profitable challenge to his skills.  Writer and director Norihiro Niwatsukino brings them all together for a surprising and, in some ways, exhilarating climax (in more ways than one) in which the film's narrative subtleties and eye-filling supernatural wonders intertwine. 

Old-fashioned storytelling blends with modern sex and violence to create a unique viewing experience in SUFFERING OF NINKO.  Those indulging in this enticing buffet of ancient Japanese delights will be well served.

TECH SPECS
Running Time: 70 mins.
Genre: Drama/Comedy
Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1
Audio: Stereo
Language: Japanese w/English Subtitles
Street Date: August 14, 2018
DVD SRP: $19.95

SUFFERING OF NINKO -- DVD Review by Porfle

CATHY'S CURSE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

(Originally posted on March 30, 2017)

 

I'd never watched CATHY'S CURSE until now, but I do remember seeing a TV spot for it way back in 1977 and thinking that the title sounded like some kind of weird Everly Brothers song.

Today, this charmingly quaint little Canadian chiller-thriller is one of those late 70s film artifacts that seem to foretell the kind of supernatural horror flicks that we'd be seeing all through the 80s when we weren't watching some unkillable stalker-killer slashing his way through a teen cast.

Much of what happens was already pretty familiar stuff at the time.  There's a 1947 prologue featuring the violent deaths of a father and his young daughter Laura--the mother having just abandoned them, taking younger son George with her--whose spirits will return to haunt the living in the present day.

Those haunted are a family consisting of grown-up George (Alan Scarfe, LETHAL WEAPON 3, LOCK UP), his troubled wife Vivian (Beverley Murray) who's still recovering from a nervous breakdown, and their adolescent daughter Cathy (Randi Allen). 

When they return to the old homeplace to live, we know pretty much what's in store for them, and it will involve Cathy being possessed by Laura's angry spirit and making life a living hell for everyone else--especially Vivian, since Laura, like her late father, tends to regard all women as "bitches."  (George seems to be soaking up some of the old man's malevolent spiritual residue himself at first, but not much is made of this.)

French director Eddy Matalon has a lean, unfettered style and the cinematography has that chilly sort of starkness you often see in 70s and 80s Canadian cinema.  The editing is rather jumpy at times, adding to a sense of unpredictability and illogic that seems to enhance rather than detract from the film's modest appeal.

Once settled into their new house, Cathy wastes no time switching over to "creepy possessed kid" mode with the help of a hideous doll with sewn-together eyes that she finds in the attic along with a glowing-eyes portrait of Laura. 

This allows the writers to toss dashes of THE EXORCIST and THE OMEN into the stew albeit never anywhere close to the same intensity or fear level.  In fact, most of what happens is more delightfully amusing than scary, and is at times downright rib-tickling. 

This includes Cathy getting the old caretaker Paul drunk and then unleashing a gaggle of imaginary snakes and spiders on him, and sending a poor old lady who's babysitting her out an upstairs window by telekinetically launching that ugly doll at her. (The investigating police detective is familiar David Cronenberg regular Sonny Forbes, who played the bald black assassin in SCANNERS.)

There's a cool scene early on with Cathy reenacting Laura's fatal car crash with some neighborhood children while Vivian entertains two women, one of whom happens to be a medium.  Her extreme reactions to a picture of Laura's father, jerkily intercut with Cathy's menacing behavior toward her playmates, are a hoot.

The main focus of Cathy's wrath, however, is poor, frazzled Vivian herself, who's in and out of the nervous hospital throughout the film.  This allows Beverley Murray to emote to her heart's content, as when she's having a Calgon moment in the bathtub and suddenly finds herself awash in blood and leeches. 

The rest of the film is a series of derivative but pleasingly off-the-wall "fright" scenes that build to a blandly diverting finale boasting some fun burn makeup for Cathy.  Little Randi Allen, in her first and only film, is endearingly cute acting all menacing and scary.

The Blu-ray from Severin Films is 1080p HD full resolution with Dolby mono sound in English, French, Italian, and Spanish.  English subtitles are available.
 
Severin once again offers a loaded bonus menu including an interview with director Eddy Matalon, a charming interview with grown-up Randi Allen and her mother Joyce (who worked in wardrobe on the film), a fannish audio commentary with critic Brian Collins and filmmaker Simon Barrett, a trailer, and more.  The disc contains both the U.S. release cut and the longer director's cut. 

CATHY'S CURSE never gets nearly as scary as it wants to be--in fact, I don't think it raises a single hackle--but for those who can appreciate this sort of thing, kicking back to watch it is one of life's simple pleasures.  It's just the kind of relatively minor cult horror flick that's a throwaway to some, and a euphoria-inducing treat to others.

CATHY'S CURSE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THE VICTIM -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/29/08

 

Remember that "really scared" feeling you used to get when you watched horror movies as a kid, but hardly ever experience now that you're a grownup and movies don't affect you that way anymore? Well, I'm feeling it again right now after watching the 2006 Thai terror film THE VICTIM from Tartan Asia Extreme. Jeepers, this sucker is flat-out scary.

The story begins with an aspiring young actress named Ting (Pitchanart Sakakorn) who gets a gig playing the murder victims in police reenactments. She's so enthusiastic and convincing at this that she actually starts to develop a fan base. Fearing that she may anger the souls of the victims she portrays, she offers prayers each time to assure them that her intentions are good--while, unseen by her, their spirits surround her. When a popular beauty queen named Meen disappears and evidence points to a brutal murder, Ting becomes so wrapped up in accurately portraying her that she begins to receive supernatural help which leads her to the killer, endangering her own life in the process.

Pitchanart Sakakorn is cute as a button and her character is a lot of fun. Her story, while containing some scary elements, is also a tantalizing mystery that comes to a suspenseful conclusion about halfway through the movie. And then, suddenly, something deviously unexpected happens that pulls the rug out from under the viewer and transforms THE VICTIM into a whole different movie altogether. And this one is a lot darker, stranger, and scarier than before.

Now, the emphasis is on a film crew shooting a movie about Meen's death and Ting's involvement in the aftermath. Strange things start to happen on the set, and spectral images show up on the film during editing. Worse, the actors and crew begin to experience terrifying ghostly encounters and die off one by one. May, the actress portraying Ting in the film, shows indications of being possessed by Meen's vengeful spirit. And things just get worse from there.

Director Monthon Arayangkoon displays great skill at building a tense, tautly-drawn aura of dread and luring the viewer into one blood-chilling "gotcha!" scene after another. Usually I get numb to these after awhile, but here, almost every one of them had me jumping as though I were being poked with a cattle prod. Whenever a character turns around, chances are something awful's going to be standing there. When the camera moves slightly off center during a closeup and reveals empty space behind the actor, we just know something horrible's going to pop up. And knowing it doesn't help.

There are some really good makeup effects here, and the staging of the scare scenes is excellent. A few of them are flawed by obvious CGI, though--by now we all know what it looks like, and it can really kill the mood when it's too cartoonish-looking. But many of the images, especially one of a ghoulish, decayed Likae dancer jerkily lurching toward us, are utterly nightmarish.

The DVD image is 1:66:1 with 5.1 Dolby Digital, featuring a Thai soundtrack with optional subtitles. Both music and sound design are memorably creepy.

In addition to a trailer and TV spots, there's a 22-minute "The Making of 'The Victim'" which is scarier than the film itself. We learn that the murder scenes Ting reenacts were not only based on real events, but shot on the actual locations as well. The actors were kept in the dark about this particular factoid, though, so as not to distract them, and were understandably freaked out when this was finally revealed to them. Worse, we're shown several pieces of footage(which were used in the movie itself) that appear to have authentic ghostly images on them. It's like one of those Fox TV specials--you don't know if it's true, or if they're just pulling our chains--but it's told in a straightforward manner, with corroborating testimony from cast and crew, and is just plain disturbing.

You may be more desensitized to stuff like this if you've seen a lot of scarier Asian horror films, but it's been a couple of hours since I watched THE VICTIM and I'm still feeling uncomfortably nervous and spooked-out. At this rate, I'm gonna have to pop a Walt Disney antidote into the DVD player and happy myself up before I go to bed.

THE VICTIM -- DVD Review by Porfle

FATHER'S DAY -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 2/24/12

 

I didn't know quite what to expect when I started watching FATHER'S DAY (2011), a condition which persisted throughout the entire movie.  Just when you think you've pretty much figured out what it is you're watching, it turns into something a whole lot weirder and several times nuttier.

Written, directed, and starred in by a group of Winnipeg filmmakers who call themselves Astron-6, it's an unashamedly stupid, gore-drenched grab bag of tongue-in-cheek tough-guy action-horror-comedy antics done in the fake-grindhouse style of PLANET TERROR, but with real grindhouse production values and attitude. 

Most nostalgic of all for me, it's presented as though home-taped sometime during the 80s off a late-night cable station called ASTR-TV, complete with promo bumpers, smarmy announcer, and a mid-movie faux trailer for something really, really cheesy called STAR RAIDERS.

The story begins in semi-sane fashion with corpulent "Father's Day Killer" Chris Fuchman (Mackenzie Murdock) raping and butchering dads, including that of gay street hustler Twink (Conor Sweeney).  This repellent character also killed the father of young Ahab and cut out his right eye in the bargain. 

Now grown up, Ahab (Adam Brooks) is a growly-voiced, eye-patched "Snake Plissken" type out for revenge along with his stripper sister Chelsea (Amy Groening), the addlebrained Twink, and a jittery young priest named Father John (Matthew Kennedy) whose blind, aging mentor also met a horrific Fuchman-related fate. 

What follows makes ARMY OF DARKNESS look like a Doris Day/Rock Hudson comedy as this simple revenge flick gets progressively more absurd.  Characters obsess "Monty Python"-style over simple figures of speech, as when Ahab tells Father John that it's time to harvest his maple syrup before it turns bitter and Father John wrongly interprets this as a metaphor for Ahab and his sister Chelsea, after which a confused Ahab spends five minutes trying to figure out why Father John just compared him to a tree.

Twink, meanwhile, begins the film as a deceptively serious character grieving over his dead dad (Billy Sadoo's acting while being murdered by Fuchman is strikingly realistic), making his descent into extreme goofiness even more pronounced.  Elsewhere, Father John's odyssey takes him from a meltdown in the pulpit worthy of Richard Burton on laughing gas (in a scene which may have been inspired by the opening to NIGHT OF THE IGUANA) to a hostage situation in Heaven with the desperate priest holding God (Troma head honcho Lloyd Kaufman) at gunpoint. 

While all this is going on, Fuchman continues his reign of terror complete with a cornucopia of wet 'n' wild gore effects including entrails, exploding heads, and one shocking moment that gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "eat me."  None of this, however, is quite as disturbing as the image of a full-on naked Mackenzie Murdock displaying his eye-watering genitalia and humping everyone in sight. 

Just when you think our heroes have defeated the bad guy and made everything right with the world again, FATHER'S DAY pulls out all the stops and goes totally off the deep end with Ahab, Twink, and Father John descending into Hell to rescue Chelsea, who's been kidnapped by Fuchman to be the bearer of his evil seed or whatever. 

While this may sound pretty horrible, it's all basically just an excuse to ramp up the bizarre off-the-wall comedy to even greater heights (or should I say depths) of calculated idiocy.  Along with even more squishy gore effects, of course.  Oh yeah, and I almost forgot to mention the extreme incest sequence and the buxom, chainsaw-wielding stripper played by my future wife, Zsuzsi. 

As nastily nostalgic as the more expensive, star-studded PLANET TERROR and packed with more grindhouse-verite' style than HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN, the gleefully horrendous FATHER'S DAY will be a riotous romp for some, a nauseating nightmare for others.  You probably know which camp you're in by now. 


Our coverage of the film's premiere

Official website

FATHER'S DAY -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE WOODS -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted in 2006 

 

Heather (Agnes Bruckner) is a troubled girl who doesn't get along with her mom.  One day she decides to express her pent-up feelings by setting fire to the woods next to her house, almost burning it down.  Now her bitchy, self-centered mom (Emma Campbell) and her sympathetic dad (the redoubtable Bruce Campbell) are taking her to an exclusive and very secluded girls' boarding school in the middle of a dense, dark forest.  Here, in this strict and highly regimented atmosphere deep in THE WOODS (2006), it is hoped that Heather will learn to be a proper young lady who doesn't set things on fire.

Things begin to look creepy right away; the school is a large, foreboding building that is hundreds of years old and has vines growing through all the windows and across the walls, all the teachers are spinsterish former students who are weird, and the headmistress, Ms. Traverse (Patricia Clarkson), is a strange woman who always looks like there's something dark and ominous on her mind.  She gives Heather a peculiar aptitude test, ostensibly to determine whether or not she qualifies for a scholarship.  But, as it turns out later, this test is for a far different purpose altogether.



Heather makes friends with a timid girl named Marcy (Lauren Birkell) and enemies with the school bitch, Samantha (Rachel Nichols), while doing her best to alienate her teachers enough to get sent home.  Meanwhile, she begins to have frightening nightmares about wandering through the dark woods and encountering ghostly figures that come after her.  She also notices that a particular bed in the corner, about four bunks down from hers, is always empty.  It belongs to Ann, a girl who supposedly tried to kill herself a few weeks earlier. 

When Ann finally returns, her wrists wrapped in gauze, she appears haunted and deeply disturbed.  Heather awakens that night to see a thick tangle of vines creeping over the floor toward Ann's bed, covered by a blanket of mist. Was this a dream?  In any case, the next morning Ann's bed is empty once again, save for a pile of leaves shaped like a human body.  Woo-OOO-ooo...!

And things are just getting started.  THE WOODS is an engaging and very well-rendered spook tale that has a few elements in common with SUSPIRIA, and although it isn't quite as scary or as beautiful as Dario Argento's masterpiece, it's still directed with great care and skill by Lucky McKee (MAY) and exquisitely photographed and edited.  It also reminds me of some of those atmospheric Canadian horror flicks I used to watch on cable and VHS back in the early 80s.  And the fact that it's a period piece, taking place in 1965 and featuring some cool Leslie Gore songs including the classic "You Don't Own Me", gives it added ambience. 



It doesn't rely on blood and gore for its scares, but doesn't shy away from it, either--there are some pretty splattery scenes here and there, especially when certain characters start to wield a big, red axe that figures prominently throughout.  And when the woods attack and it's time to crank up the old CGI, it actually looks fairly convincing for a change.

The mystery behind the school deepens as Heather discovers more about its history--mainly the story of three strange girls who emerged from the woods one day about a hundred years earlier and were taken in.  They later turned out to be witches, and began to exert their evil influence in bad ways.  The headmistress at the time tried to stop them, and the main witch introduced her to the big, red axe.  Now, Heather realizes that the school is still in the witch business and is recruiting girls who excell in Ms. Traverse's "aptitude test", and who can hear the voices in the woods calling to them as Heather does. 

In fact, as it turns out, "the force" is particularly strong with Heather and Ms. Traverse has something especially bad planned for her.  And as bad turns to worse, Heather is eventually told that it's her turn to sleep in the empty bed in the corner.  Woo-OOO-ooo...!  (Okay, I'll stop doing that now.)

Agnes Bruckner is an appealing young actress and does a fine job as Heather, and the rest of the cast, both young and old, are outstanding as well.  As Ms. Traverse, Patricia Clarkson is just as good at playing restrained, understated creepiness as she was as Margaret White in the excellent TV remake of CARRIE.  And Bruce Campbell...well, he's Bruce Campbell.  He's great as good ol' Dad, eventually racing to his daughter's rescue as she's trapped in the horrific culmination of the witches' evil machinations.  He even gets to wield the big, red axe!  But watch out, Bruce...as Scotty tried to tell you way back in THE EVIL DEAD:  "But the trees, Ash.  They know.  Don't you see, Ash?  They're alive!"

THE WOODS -- Movie Review by Porfle

CARNIVOROUS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/8/09

 

A little boy named Alan Cade steals a magic "Kulev" stick from an old Cajun witch doctor, pops a crayon in one end, and draws a picture of a giant alligator-headed snake monster killing his abusive stepdad. Voila--one giant alligator-headed snake monster comin' up, and before you know it, bad stepdad is toast.

CARNIVOROUS, aka "Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent" (2008), then whisks us ahead several years to find grown-up Alan (Louis Herthum) blissfully married to his childhood sweetheart Becky. But when a truckload of pesky teenagers on their way to a secluded cabin for the weekend run over Alan's beloved without even looking back to see what that "thump" was, a heartbroken Alan whips out the old magic stick again and starts drawing. In no time, the teens start getting dragged one by one into the sugar cane field surrounding their cabin by a big, mean you-know-what.

I tend to lower my expectations when it comes to low-budget horror flicks, so I'm often pleasantly surprised when they turn out to be pretty good. Unfortunately, the only way to not be disappointed by this totally blah film is to expect not to be entertained in any way, shape, or form. Aside from Alan and Becky, the characters are doggedly uninteresting and painfully unlikable, which is only made worse by some really bad performances. 

Even standard good girl Sam (Lauren Fain) and standard sensitive guy Kelly (Wes Brown) are annoying stiffs whom we would dearly love to see get eaten alive. Their moronic party-hearty cohorts are even worse, although slutty blonde Ashley (Victoria Vodar) tends to strip down to her red satin undies a lot and has an endearing snort when she laughs.

The film looks kind of like an episode of "Friday the 13th: The Series" only not as good or anywhere near as exciting. Amir Valinia's bland direction and a groan-filled script don't help much. The kill scenes are few and far between, and generate zero suspense. A couple of them, however, are amusing--one guy gets skewered while mounting his horny girlfriend, with the tip of the creature's wiggling tail sticking out of his chest. He deserves it. 

Another character gets summarily decapitated by said tail at such an odd moment that it isn't scary or shocking, but just sorta unexpectedly funny. As for the creature itself, it's passable, and certainly isn't the worst CGI I've ever seen in a low-budget flick. With more imaginative direction the creature scenes might've been somewhat exciting, but as it is they have little effect at all.

Rapper DMX, who's billed over the title, makes a halfhearted appearance toward the end. He's the grown-up son of the old Cajun from whom Alan stole the magic stick way back when, and now he's the only hope our heroes have of destroying the monster. I seem to remember DMX doing okay in EXIT WOUNDS alongside Steven Seagal, but here he barely registers. He's also one of the executive producers, which makes me wonder why he can't find something better than this to get involved with.

Bad horror flicks can be fun to watch if they aren't totally boring and you can laugh at them. It also helps if the filmmakers were obviously trying to make a good movie and failed in an entertaining way. Unfortunately, none of these conditions apply to CARNIVOROUS. In a word, it's simply--indigestible.

 

CARNIVOROUS -- DVD Review by Porfle

DEADGIRL -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/17/09

 

Recently I watched another coming-of-age film called "Bart Got a Room", which might be thought of as the happy flipside to today's very different coming-of-age story, DEADGIRL (2008).

 In this one, two high school misfits named Rickie and J.T. get a room too, only instead of being in a posh hotel it's in the dark basement of an abandoned mental institution, and instead of finding prom dates, they find a naked living-dead girl wrapped in plastic and strapped to a lab table.

Needless to say, this isn't your father's Archie and Jughead. While Rickie (the soulful Shiloh Fernandez, who reminds me of a pre-nutso Joaquin Phoenix) is disturbed by their discovery and wants to report it to somebody, the considerably flakier J.T. (Noah Segan) quickly sees Deadgirl as their own animated RealDoll.

Before long he's as paranoid and possessive as Fred C. Dobbs and acting out his twisted adolescent urges with the undying corpse. In one startling scene, he proves to Rickie that she can't die by firing several bullets into her torso with no effect. Rickie is repulsed but intimidated into silence by the increasingly unbalanced J.T. Eventually others are brought in on the sick setup, with varying horrific consequences.

In a way, DEADGIRL reminded me of "The River's Edge", a fact-based story of some disaffected high school kids who find a murdered girl's body in the weeds and bring their friends out to gawk at her instead of doing anything about it. Here, however, we go way beyond merely "disaffected" and into full-blown "deranged."

Many viewers will no doubt find it difficult to endure scenes of J.T. and his pathetic toady Wheeler (Eric Podnar) taking turns with the increasingly worse-for-wear Deadgirl as her chilling visage contorts, her eyes rolling and leering in their sockets. Equally repellent is the sight of J.T. poking at her pus-oozing bulletholes as he giddily marvels at her inability to die.

While J.T. has found the ghoul of his nightmares, Rickie still pines for the beautiful and unattainable popular girl Joann (Candice Accola), who, as J.T. points out with brutal frankness, would rather die than be with him. She'll eventually have to make that choice.

Her bullying jock boyfriend Johnny (Andrew DiPalma) and his equally sadistic sidekick Dwyer (Nolan Gerard Funk) also get drawn into the situation, culminating in some of the film's most ghastly and nerve-wracking images. Even tied up, Deadgirl is dangerous, because when you least expect it, she bites. And the bites get...infected. What happens to one hapless lad in particular is, for me anyway, quite a jaw-dropper.

 

I wasn't altogether satisfied by the ending, although I suppose there was a kind of resigned inevitability to it. The leads play their parts convincingly--Segan is especially effective as the downwardly spiralling J.T., and Michael Bowen, who was "Buck" in KILL BILL VOL. 1, is one of the best character actors working today.

Best of all, Jenny Spain's Deadgirl is a truly strange and frightening creation. The combination of the right makeup and her cunningly controlled performance, along with the imaginative direction of Marcel Sarmiento and Gadi Harel, makes Deadgirl a memorable movie "monster." You're never quite sure what's going through her fevered mind and can't wait to find out what will happen when she gets loose from her bonds. Which she eventually does, of course.

DEADGIRL is not to be confused with the similarly-titled 2006 film "The Dead Girl." That was a thoughtful, bittersweet account of the affect that one girl's murder has on the lives of several people who are connected with her in one way or another. This, on the other hand, is a pitch dark, full-blown horror flick that sets out to disgust and disturb and succeeds by being one of the most deviously over-the-top cinematic fever dreams of recent years. As for Deadgirl herself, she is both loathesome and sympathetic, repellant yet compelling, horrific yet oddly heroic--and altogether fascinating.

DEADGIRL -- Movie Review by Porfle

FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES--THE FINAL SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 9/17/09

 

Perfect for Halloween viewing, FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES--THE FINAL SEASON is another outstanding collection of stories that delve headlong into darkest fantasy and full-blown Gothic horror, from one of the finest series of its kind ever made for television.

Richly evocative of the 80s-90s era in horror, yet steeped in the moody aura of the classic fright films of the past, each episode from the 1989-1990 season is like an atmospheric mini-movie replete with hideous monsters, evil spirits, malevolent magic, and everyday people taking a walk on the dark side.

As usual, beautiful redhead Micki Foster (Robey) is still trying to track down the cursed items that were sold from the curiosity shop she's inherited from her evil Uncle Lewis (R.G. Armstrong), who died after his deal with Old Scratch fell through. She's aided by her uncle's former antique dealer, Jack Marshak (Chris Wiggins), whose knowledge of arcane lore and the dark arts is invaluable. Micki's cousin Ryan (John D. LeMay) is half-owner of the shop, but his character is done away with during the season premiere and replaced by Steven Monarque as Johnny Ventura, a wide-eyed novice in the world of the supernatural.

The cursed antiques, which can be anything from a coin to a child's toy to a haunted television set, wield an evil influence over their owners and are usually used for deadly revenge or personal gain. Either way, they tend to kill people in extremely horrible ways, which is bad for our heroes, but great for us horror fans.

The season gets off to blood-curdling start with a two-parter called "The Prophecies." Jack finds himself in a small French village whose convent is the home of a revered nun, Sister Adele (Marie-France Lambert). Her childhood vision of the Holy Mother has made the village a mecca for people seeking to be healed of their afflictions. But this haven of holiness finds itself under attack from fallen angel Asteroth (Fritz Weaver in full Fritz Weaver mode), who, armed with a cursed copy of the Satanic Bible, is determined to fulfill a series of prophecies that will enable Lucifer to walk the earth.

The story loses steam during the second part as Weaver's one-note character begins to grate on the nerves, but the first half of this tale contains some of the scariest stuff ever done for television. When Jack is awakened at 3:33 a.m. by groaning, distorted church bells, the effect is chilling. Then we see Sister Adele attacked by a possessed nun while in prayer, a scene that should unsettle anyone who was ever scared by THE EXORCIST. Soon after, a sequence in which a ward full of mental patients attack the convent's staff and slaughter them in unholy ways is pure bedlam, and very strong stuff. Topping it all off is the bizarre and unexpected fate of Ryan, which is one of the strangest main character departures ever.

"Night Prey" is an old-fashioned wing-flapping, cross-shunning vampire tale which ends with some nice messy disintegrations. In "The Charnel Pit", Micki is sucked into the past via an old painting and falls into the hands of none other than the Marquis de Sade. "The Tree of Life" is the story of a modern sect of Druid priestesses who grow new recruits in their own fertility clinic and then sacrifice the parents to a tree god.

A cursed wheelchair enables a paralyzed girl to get revenge on the boys who tried to rape her in "Crippled Inside", which boasts one of the most amazing stunts I've ever seen--a stuntwoman goes down a flight of stairs in a wheelchair, backwards! Other episodes deal with a headless biker, a television that serves as a conduit for angry ghosts, an evil jack-in-the-box, and a man who uses a cursed leash to (as the episode summary puts it) "merge his dog and his wife into one super-devoted companion." Cool!

As Micki, Robey does her usual great job of being a big-haired babe while bringing depth and conviction to her role. Chris Wiggins as the ever wise and stalwart Jack grounds the show with his dignified presence and experience, no matter how far-out the plots may get. New castmember Steven Monarque's character of Johnny Ventura, first introduced in season two, gives the viewer a fresh, unjaded perspective through which to witness all the weirdness that Micki and Jack have become accustomed to.

Production values are high and the feature-level direction and writing are consistently good. The show doesn't skimp on the horror factor, either--there are lots of awesome old-school makeup effects such as the impressive full-body costume and cable-controlled head for the main creature in "Demon Hunter", and the horrific acid-dissolving victim (like something out of Cronenberg's THE FLY) in "Crippled Inside." In "Stick it in Your Ear", guest star Wayne Best's repulsively organic hearing aid, which allows him to read minds, causes him to break out in some wonderfully disgusting and squishy air-bladder makeup. The show's use of CGI is still hinky-looking as ever, but for the most part the effects are first-rate.

This five-disc set from CBS/Paramount contains all 19 third-season episodes, most with the original network promos. The 1.33:1 picture and Dolby Digital English mono sound are good although the show's cinematography always tended toward the murky side. (A heavy-handed racial episode, "Hate On Your Dial", is shot largely in beautiful black-and-white and is probably the best the show has ever looked.) The episodes often have that melancholy, autumnal atmosphere that is somehow common to many Canadian horror productions of the era, which contributes in large measure to the show's effective mood.

I was very impressed by this series' first season, and FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES--THE FINAL SEASON continues in the same high quality vein to the very end. Horror fans in search of the real deal can't go wrong with these satisfying, finely-wrought tales of terror.


Read our review of "Friday the 13th: The First Season"

 

FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES--THE FINAL SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

FRIDAY THE 13TH - THE SERIES: THE FIRST SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/5/12

 

Here's the original prologue that used to begin each episode of "Friday the 13th - The Series":  "Lewis Vendredi made a deal with the devil to sell cursed antiques. But he broke the pact, and it cost him his soul. Now, his niece Micki, and her cousin Ryan have inherited the store... and with it, the curse. Now they must get everything back and the real terror begins."

For some reason this prologue is omitted from the 6-disc DVD set FRIDAY THE 13TH - THE SERIES: THE FIRST SEASON, but I figured it would be a good way to start my synopsis.  In the first episode, veteran character actor R.G. Armstrong plays Uncle Lewis, whose sudden relocation to Hell leaves Micki and Ryan as proprietors of his antique store, Curious Goods.  Lewis' former partner, a sage old sorceror named Jack, shows up and warns the two that all the cursed items that have been sold from the store will cause untold death and destruction if they don't track them all down and lock them in the vault downstairs. 

After witnessing some supernatural shenanigans firsthand, it doesn't take long for our heroes to get over their initial "yeah, right" attitude and dedicate themselves to this monumental task.

The main characters are likable and fun.  First, there's Robey ("Louise" when she's at home) as Micki, the fiery redhead who's lots of fun to look at.  Micki sacrifices her upcoming marriage to some Mr. Perfect-type to become a cursed antique tracker-downer, because she knows people will die if she doesn't.  Then there's her cousin Ryan (John D. LeMay), who comes off as a bit of a doofus at first--in fact, I thought he was going to be the bumbling comedy-relief until his character began to develop considerably as the season went on. 

Not unlike Mulder and Scully, or Steed and Mrs. Peel, Micki and Ryan have a lighthearted relationship that can also have its serious and dramatic moments.  At times, their characters are given a surprising amount of depth and often suffer sizeable personal tragedies.  Rounding things off is Chris Wiggins as their mentor, Jack, whose wisdom and knowledge of the black arts are indispensible. 

The thing that makes this unlikely trio of do-gooders so endearing is that they aren't professionals--they risk their lives in every episode out of concern for others.  (All together now:  "Awwwww...")

To me, the series has that distinctive look of 80s low-budget Canadian cinema, like RABID or one of the SCANNERS movies.  I've heard complaints about the picture quality, and indeed much of the photography is somewhat muted and murky.  But this is true mainly of the earlier episodes, and as the season progresses so does the look of the series (although the video FX are consistently fake-looking).  The same can also be said for the stories themselves, which start out a little on the hokey side and then keep getting better and better. 

For example, episode 4, "Cup of Time", is delightfully cheesy.  Familiar B-movie babe Hilary Shepherd plays a rock star whose youthful appearance depends on a teacup that emits leafy tendrils which suck the lifeforce from anyone who drinks from it.  We see decadent punk rocker-types standing in line for one of her concerts, but when we hear her sing it's so typically 80s spandex-glitter-pop awful you'll wonder why these fans aren't lobbing molotov cocktails at her. 

Another "more cheese, please" episode is "Shadow Boxer", in which a pair of evil boxing gloves helps a down-and-out palooka by enabling his bobbin' and weavin' shadow to run around beating people to death.

Things really start getting good when David Cronenberg steps in to direct "Faith Healer", starring SCANNERS alumnus Robert Silverman as a man with a horrible disease looking for someone with the power to cure it.  That someone, unfortunately, gets his power from a cursed glove that must be recharged by, you guessed it, sucking the lifeforce from some hapless victim.  Along the way Cronenberg gets to indulge his fondness for "body horror" with some grisly makeup effects.

"Scarecrow" is a nifty Halloween-tinged episode that plays like a creepy low-budget movie, with a wonderfully sinister, eye-rolling performance by Patricia Phillips as a woman who eliminates her smalltown enemies with the help of a scythe-wielding scarecrow.  In one scene, the scarecrow lops off some poor old lady's head and we actually see it bobbling on the floor, her face still contorted in terror.  Pretty cool for a TV show!  Like many other episodes, "Scarecrow" is like a mini version of the cheap 80s horror flicks that many of us remember so fondly.

"Vanity's Mirror" is a delightful anti-Carrie story about a really vile high school geek-girl who uses her cursed item, an antique gold compact that makes any female irresistible to men, to lure various tormentors to horrible, gory deaths.  Eventually, she steals her beautiful sister's boyfriend from her and orders him to beat and then string up the hapless lass before whisking her away to the prom!  Awesome.

I could go on about how good various episodes are, but for me, the two-part "Quilt of Hathor" is the highlight.  Amidst a stark, snowy setting, we meet an ultra-strict religious community known as the Penetites who eschew technology and live much like they did back in the old Salem witchhunt days.  Scott Paulin (THE RIGHT STUFF) plays their leader, Reverend Josiah, who is, by law, required to take a wife.  But his prospective brides keep dying off thanks to a homely woman who has the hots for him and possesses a quilt which allows her to kill people by dreaming their violent deaths. 

Micki and Ryan go undercover with the Penetites and try to recover the quilt, but in the process Ryan falls in love with Reverend Josiah's daughter and ends up in a death duel with the jealous geek-boy to whom she's betrothed.  The set-up for this fight looks just like something out of the wackier side of STAR TREK--I almost expected to hear someone say "One thousand quatloos on the newcomer!"  During this richly atmospheric double-episode, several people suffer an unpleasant demise before the suspenseful finale.

Besides those already mentioned, some other interesting guest stars pop up here and there.  The first episode features the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake's Sarah Polley as a little girl.  In "Cup of Time" we also get to see what Lisa Jakub (Randy Quaid's daughter in INDEPENDENCE DAY) looked like as a wee tyke.  One of the victims of anti-Carrie in "Vanity's Mirror" is an older Zack Ward, who was A CHRISTMAS STORY's memorable bully Scut Farkus.  Ray Walston plays a renowned comic book artist in "Tales of the Undead." 

Other notable guest stars include Carrie Snodgress, Cliff Gorman, Gary Frank, Val Avery, David Proval, and Michael Constantine (as Ryan's estranged father in the emotional episode "Pipe Dream.")  Oh, and R.G. Armstrong's "Uncle Lewis" character may have died in the first episode, but that's hardly the last we see of his evil, cackling mug.

Back in the 80s when FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES was new, I never watched it because of its association with the Jason movies, which I've always regarded as junk.  But thanks to this season one DVD collection, I've discovered it to be a highly worthwhile horror series that's loads of fun to watch.


Read our review of "Friday the 13th: The Final Season"

FRIDAY THE 13TH - THE SERIES: THE FIRST SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

IN SEARCH OF...THE COMPLETE SERIES -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/14/12

 

For those of us who caught it during its first run, almost every episode of "In Search Of..." was a guaranteed dose of pure "sense of wonder."  Each week, host Leonard Nimoy explored the world's most tantalizing mysteries with an open mind, allowing us to bask in their intoxicating strangeness in an atmosphere free of rigid, buzzkill skepticism.

Now, Visual Entertainment Inc. (VEI) has collected all 152 episodes of this classic show, which ran from 1976-1982, in their 21-disc DVD collection IN SEARCH OF...THE COMPLETE SERIES.  I reviewed a screener with two half-hour Nimoy episodes, "In Search Of...Mayan Mysteries" and "In Search Of...UFO Coverups", both pretty representative of the show as a whole. 

Low-budget photography makes this independently-produced syndicated show look older than it is, but it was that way even when it was new.  No matter, since the fascinating subject matter and wealth of both exclusive film footage and well-chosen stock shots easily make up for this.  Nimoy, one of the finest narrators of all time, lends the show much-needed gravitas even during its most outlandish forays into the unknown. 

The Mayan episode poses a series of teasing questions about this mysterious ancient people such as: why, if they incorporated the wheel into their children's toys, didn't they employ it for practical purposes?  How did they conceive such complicated systems of mathematics and astronomy, among other things?  And why did they suddenly disappear from recorded history?

Even more up my alley is the look at UFO cover-ups, which opens with some familiar footage of a possible flying saucer but focuses mainly on the famous Roswell, New Mexico incident.  Actual interview clips of Air Force officer Jess Marcel, a major participant in the purported saucer crash investigation, and footage of Hangar 18 itself, where the wrecked saucer and alien bodies are said to have been housed, make this of special interest to UFO enthusiasts. 

There's also a first-hand account from a scientist who claims to have been taken to the crash site by U.S. Air Force officials and is only now breaking his silence.  As usual, the show is aggressive and non-apologetic in its insistence that anything is possible regardless of how farfetched it may seem to the skeptically minded.

In addition to the 152 regular series episodes, the VEI collection also includes two Rod Serling-hosted "In Search Of..." specials which aired in 1972, plus the entire eight-episode run of the 2002 reboot with "The X-Files" star Mitch Pileggi.  The screener I watched contained one from 1972 and one from 2002.

"Twilight Zone" creator and host Serling takes us on an exploration of ancient astronauts that covers all the familiar territory in highly compelling fashion, including the baffling stone heads of Easter Island and the enigmatic Nazca lines in Peru.  While the Serling episode is quite similar to the later Nimoy series, the flashy Pileggi-hosted show from 2002 is the sort of lurid exploitation fare you might see on SyFy, with gruesome stories about stigmata, Haitian zombies, and murder scenes haunted by restless ghosts.

While I can't speak for the entire collection as a whole, the picture and sound quality of the 4-episode screener I watched was good for a low budget syndicated series from the 70s.  You may be bugged by the VEI logo in the lower right hand corner but I forgot it was there after awhile.  

Being a loyal viewer of the show back in its heyday, I can personally attest that, content-wise, the rest of "In Search Of..." is chock full of fun and often spooky stuff about the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, conspiracy theories, unsolved murders and disappearances, bizarre phenomena both natural and supernatural, and just about anything else that this weird world has to offer.  While learned astronomer Carl Sagan may consider the subject at hand to be unsupported by "a smidgen of compelling evidence", you'll probably find an avalanche of it in IN SEARCH OF...THE COMPLETE SERIES.

IN SEARCH OF...THE COMPLETE SERIES -- DVD Review by Porfle

DEMON WARRIORS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/2/09

 

A supernatural action thriller that mixes bloody, bone-crushing fights and shoot-em-ups with some puzzling mysticism, Thailand's DEMON WARRIORS, aka Opapatika (2007), is a lot of sound and fury signifying something that I never could quite figure out.

The "Opapatika", or "demon warriors", are former humans who committed suicide and then, for some reason, were able to return to life as superior beings with special powers. A young human, Techit, seeks out an old Opapatika master named Sadok in order to get one of those reincarnation makeovers and is promptly instructed to blow his own brains out, which he does. Sadok tells the newly-risen Techit that since he was unusually intuitive in his former life, his Opapatika power is the ability to read minds. Unfortunately, every time he uses this sixth sense his other senses begin to fade one by one. Sadok's power isn't revealed to us at first, but we do discover that using it causes his body to decay a little at a time.

Sadok is seeking out other Opapatikas for some unknown reason and puts Techit on the trail, along with his super-badass human assistant, Thuwachit. The ones they're searching for are: Paison, a contract killer with unerring aim whose body takes on the wounds of his victims; Aruth, a gentle soul by day who turns into a kill-crazy psycho beast after sundown; Ramil, who can manifest his evil side into a seperate entity with a face only an exorcist could love; and Jiras, who considers his immortality a curse of endless suffering. Weaving her way through their lives is the mysterious Pran, a beautiful woman who becomes an object of great conflict among them all.

Thuwachit narrates the story and doles out exposition like a gum machine although I can't figure out what he's talking about half the time. But mainly he leads group after group of armed soldiers into furious battles with the Opapatika, with the hapless humans getting the ever-livin' crap kicked out of them every time. These guys must be getting paid a ton of money because they just keep getting slaughtered by the dozens in several nicely-staged battle sequences drenched in cartoonishly spewing blood and flying limbs.

One particularly lively setpiece features an encounter between the soldiers and the deadly Aruth in the inner courtyard of an apartment building as they take the fight up and down stairs and across various landings, with lots of leaping and shooting and all kinds of horrible deaths. Thuwachit and his doomed army fare no better against the pistol-packin' Paison, who streaks amongst them firing off one kill-shot after another and racking up a death count that should keep the local morticians busy for months to come.

But as frenetic and action-packed as these scenes are, their one-sided nature--the Opapatika are practically invulnerable to physical harm--renders them a bit tiresome after awhile. The same can be said for the fights between the demon warriors themselves, which are filled with gunfire, swordplay, and carnage, but seem somewhat pointless since these guys just can't seem to manage to kill each other.

In the downtime between all this violence, the movie screeches to a crawl. There are some interesting backstories, Paison's being particularly moving, and some nice artistically filmed scenes of Pran gliding elegantly around the house in her windblown gown and listlessly playing the piano as Aruth and Ramil gaze at her like lovesick puppies. Jiras warns them to stay away from her, apparently knowing something about her that we don't know. Characters either talk a lot about being trapped between reality and limbo or sit around thinking about it, and Thuwachit does some more narration for us, which he is wont to do.

The Pran situation eventually erupts into another big gunfight in her house between all the demon warriors, including Techit, who hasn't really done much up till then besides smoke cigarettes. (According to the synopsis, he's supposed to be a detective, but I never really got that impression.) The rapidly-deteriorating Sadok eventually shows up and reveals his connection to all this, including a surprising link to Pran, and we finally discover just how sinister his intentions are.

By the time we get to the last two or three prolonged battle scenes with the Opapatika mowing down soldiers like so many cans of tomato soup or having generally pointless fights with each other, I was looking forward to seeing them all finally start to friggin' die already. Making things even harder to endure is the fact that for some reason, director Thanakorn Pongsuwan suddenly eschews the perfectly good style that he's employed for the first two-thirds of the film and starts doing everything in highly-annoying Shaky-Cam. This detracts from the dramatic finale in which the story of Thuwachit (my favorite character since he's such a hardcore badass for a human) is resolved along with the insidious scheme of his master Sadok. At least we get to see some of these invulnerable bastards getting killed at last, which comes not a moment too soon since by now things have started to list perilously toward the boring side.

The DVD is in 1.78:1 widescreen with 5.1 and 2.0 Dolby Digital sound. You can listen to it in the original Thai with English or Spanish subtitles, or in an English dub. Included as a bonus feature is a 15-minute "making of" featurette.

DEMON WARRIORS has cool makeup effects, stunningly violent and bloody action (complete with massive spew), and some very nice production design and cinematography. But aside from the exciting early fight scenes, the story tends to get exceedingly dry and the action becomes repetitive. I did like this movie to a certain extent and appreciate the effort put into it, but the fadeout came as a bit of a relief.

DEMON WARRIORS -- DVD Review by Porfle

When Universal's "Dracula" Was Reflected In A Mirror (video)

A key element in Universal Pictures' "Dracula" lore is that the vampire's reflection can never be seen in a mirror...

...as in "Dracula" (1931) with Bela Lugosi...
...and "House of Dracula" (1945) with John Carradine.

But on at least two occasions, the filmmakers slipped up. 

In "Son of Dracula" (1943), Lon Chaney's vampire performs the screen's first bat-to-man transformation.

But in doing so, his image is captured in the hallway mirror.

In 1948's "Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein", Lugosi is once again in the role.

And once again, his image is reflected in a mirror.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

When Universal's "Dracula" Was Reflected In A Mirror (video)

THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/28/08

 

Taking over the directorial reins from Stephen Sommers, Rob Cohen (DRAGONHEART, XXX) continues the saga of Rick and Evy O'Connell and their never-ending battle against mummies in 2008's THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR. If you didn't like the first two, chances are this one won't win you over either. If you did like them, you should have an exceedingly good time.

A lengthy prologue tells the story of Emperor Han (Jet Li), a ruthless conqueror who's bent on ruling the world with an iron fist. He summons the aid of a beautiful witch, Zi Juan (Michelle Yeoh), to make him immortal, but when she falls in love with his trusted General Ming, the jealous emperor condemns them both to death. Zi Juan then places a terrible curse on him, turning him and his entire army into terra cotta statues.

Cut to 1946, as a retired Rick and Evy's grown-up son Alex (Luke Ford), now an action archeologist like his parents, uncovers the emperor's tomb. Needless to say, old clayhead gets resurrected and sets off to find the legendary city of Shangri-La, where he'll be able to shed himself of the curse once and for all, reanimate his terra cotta army, and conquer the world.

All our favorite characters are back, though some have changed a bit. Evy looks a lot more like Maria Bello than Rachel Weisz these days, which is cool since I've always been a fan of the lovely Maria. Luke Ford is a reasonable grown-up version of son Alex, who displays character traits from both parents--intelligence from his mom, recklessness from his dad. And speaking of Dad, Brendan Fraser is his usual wonderful self, able to perform comedy and action heroics with equal skill as few other actors can. John Hannah returns as Evy's cowardly brother Jonathan, while newcomers to the Mummy saga, Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh, add a whole new dimension to everything, as does Isabella Leong as Lin, Zi Juan's daughter and love interest for Alex. A particularly welcome presence is Anthony Wong (INFERNAL AFFAIRS, EXILED) as the Emperor's toady, General Yang.

Rob Cohen's direction and editing are too busy-looking at times, and I found myself wishing he'd just keep the camera still more often. Another thing that bugged me is the frequent use of less-than-convincing CGI. Of course, that's something I should be used to by now after watching the first two MUMMY films, yet it always seems to take me out of the movie.

Some of it works--an avalanche that threatens to annihilate the O'Connell party in the Himalayas looks pretty awesome, as do some of the climactic battle scenes between the Emperor's army and a horde of ancient undead summoned to engage them. The Yeti are another story, though, along with some of the character animation of Jet Li and the various supernatural creatures that he turns into (one of which bears a startling resemblance to Ghidrah). But if the digital monsters in the first two MUMMY movies or in Sommers' own VAN HELSING didn't bother you, then you shouldn't have any problem with these.

That said, there is a ton of exciting action setpieces in this film. A lengthy chase scene down the crowded streets of Shanghai is a highlight, and a fierce gun battle in the Himalayas is pretty intense. The clash between the terra cotta army and the undead is reminiscent of RETURN OF THE KING's main battle sequence. Along the way we're treated to lots of hard-hitting fistfights and other mayhem, and we even get to see Chinese superstars Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh go at it. The settings for these scenes are fantastic, including some impressive standing sets found in China (such as the old Shanghai streets) and numerous actual locations. Interior sets constructed for the Canadian phase of the shoot are also quite lavish.

Presented in anamorphic widescreen 2.40:1 with Dolby Digital 5.1 and 2.0 sound, the movie looks and sounds great. Disc one of the deluxe edition features some deleted and extended scenes and a scene-specific commentary from director Cohen. Disc two includes featurettes "Preparing for Battle with Brendan Fraser and Jet Li", "The Making of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor", "Jet Li: Crafting the Emperor Mummy", "Creating New and Supernatural Worlds", "Legacy of the Terra Cotta", "A Call to Action: The Casting Process", and "From City to Desert." Subtitles are in English, French, and Spanish, and there's even one of those tracks for the hard-of-seeing with a narrator breathlessly describing what's going on ("Rick ducks behind a column as the Emperor throws a fireball!")

While perhaps not the best in the series (I still prefer the second one), THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR is a welcome continuation of Rick and Evy's seriocomic adventures. Extravagant, action-packed, funny, and loaded with dazzling imagery, it's what the term "dumb fun" is all about.

THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR -- DVD Review by Porfle

SNOWMAGEDDON -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/7/12

 

There seems to be an entire category of movies on the SyFy Channel in which small Canadian towns double as small Northwestern towns in the USA which are menaced by some kind of supernatural (or super-natural) force, which resides or has its origin in a nearby mountain.  Bad CGI comes as a standard feature; giant tentacles are optional. 

One of the latest entries in this curious little sub-genre is SNOWMAGEDDON (2011), a movie whose title pretty much lets us know what kind of movie we're in for.  This time, a rustic burg in Alaska gets hammered by a series of unnatural disasters such as a storm cloud that shoots ice torpedoes which shatter into deadly shrapnel, gaping fissures bisecting city streets and gushing flames, and huge pointy things shooting up out of the ground to spear moving vehicles like shish-kabobs. 

The reason for all this is kept from us at first, lending the film an air of supernatural mystery that's mildly intriguing--until, that is, we find out that the secret behind it all is pretty freakin' dumb.  Suffice it to say that there's this kid named Rudy who plays a role-playing game about dragons and wizards, and he anonymously receives a strange snowglobe for Christmas with a tiny repica of the town in it, and whenever he winds it up, something bad happens.  Somehow, all of this is related to that RPG that he plays.  Why?  Don't ask me.

The destruction is depicted with some pretty good practical effects--the picturesque little town is trashed quite nicely--along with the usual fair-to-awful CGI.  Once the slush hits the fan, the action is split into different little suspense situations of varying interest, including two hapless shlubs trapped in a bus covered with downed power lines, stranded snowboarders who picked the wrong mountain to board, and a mother-daughter duo in a crashed helicopter. 

Good editing helps jazz things up a bit, but it's all just standard time-waster stuff that helps cheapo flicks like this fill in the space between the opening and closing credits. 

Once the kid finally convinces the grownups that his evil snowglobe is causing all the trouble--which, admittedly, might be a bit hard to swallow at first--they follow his sage advice on how to combat the supernatural menace.  Which means two things: one, they've really run out of ideas.  And two, his dad, John Miller (David Cubitt), must make a trek up the now-volcanic peak in order to do what the hero in the game does to stop the evil. 

The acting is about as good as you'd expect from this sort of thing, with Laura Harris (of the late, lamented "Defying Gravity") deserving better as Rudy's plucky mom, Beth.  The dialogue isn't any better or worse than required, save for the occasional eye-rolling exchange such as this:

LARRY: "That thing's straight from Hell itself."
FRED: "Calm down, Larry."
LARRY: "You calm down, Fred."

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  No extras.

Really, I can't add any more to this than you can already figure out from the title.  If the word SNOWMAGEDDON doesn't tell you exactly what this movie is all about and whether or not you'll enjoy it, nothing will.  Bottom line: it's a passable, tolerable time-waster.

SNOWMAGEDDON -- DVD Review by Porfle

UGLY SWEATER PARTY -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/25/18

 

I don't usually do this, but I'm going to leave it up to IMDb to describe UGLY SWEATER PARTY (2018) to you.

"An ugly sweater party turns into a bloodbath when an evil Christmas sweater possesses one of the partygoers." There, that's it!  I'm outta here!

Okay, not really, but that's a pretty concise summary of this movie for starters.  After that, writer-director Aaron Mento simply piles on as much graphic gore, extreme gross-out humor, and unbridled sacriledge as can be heaped like a ton of bird droppings onto a low-budget 81-minute horror comedy.

Going into more detail: horny but shy Cliff (Charles Chudabala) and his comically (?) crude friend Jody (Hunter Johnson) drive deep into the woods after receiving an email invitation to an "ugly sweater party" from two sisters, Samantha and Susan, whom they previously sorta had sex with at another party. (The first time we see Jody, he's in the john shaving his nads, and that's one of the more tasteful scenes.)

When they get there, however, they discover that they're in a backwoods Bible camp and that the girls, since born again, just got baptized that day. Their parents are total weirdos, especially their horny mom, Mrs. Mandix (Felissa Rose, SLEEPAWAY CAMP, DARK CHAMBER, CAESAR & OTTO'S SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE), and the girls are still pretty flaky, so the guys hang around in hopes of still getting laid.

What they don't know is that the ugly sweater that Cliff stole from a roadside drifter is haunted by the evil spirit of dead serial killer Declan Rains (Sean Whalen, LAID TO REST, ALL SUPERHEROES MUST DIE, THE FP), and before long the possessed Cliff will be trying to stab, strangle, and chainsaw everyone in sight, including a passel of secondary characters who are so obnoxious that we can't wait for it to happen.

Overall, the film is like a Robin Williams stand-up routine in that it keeps launching oozing gobs of hit-and-miss humor at your face until, if you're like me, you just want to start batting it away with a cricket bat.

Add to that enough splattery mayhem to keep gorehounds in seizures of bliss and the less discerning viewer will stay well occupied until fadeout.

Finally, the sacriledge quotient of this film is off the charts, so if that bugs you (as it does me), you're going to find UGLY SWEATER PARTY about as much fun as dental work without novacaine.  And if  in addition to that, you also despise death metal (really, this flick seems to have it out for me),  then you're going to hate the fact that this movie has a death metal band and it plays a whole lot of, yes, death metal.

But if you and those no-good friends of yours get off on all that vile, repellant stuff, then this is the movie to watch during your next keg party or mutual toenail clipping circle or whatever.

In fact, I can imagine certain people jumping up and down with joy and leaping out of windows due to their extremely positive reaction to the utter, unrestrained crudeness (which, surprisingly, is very nicely shot with several sweeping aerial views and other drone-camera effects) and gleeful offensiveness generated by this cinematic affront.

There's also some nudity (mostly hairy guys), some death-ray carnage from an ousted groundskeeper out for revenge against Mr. and Mrs. Mandix, and some other assorted amusements.

So if you're like me, you're going to enthusiastically refrain from wholeheartedly endorsing UGLY SWEATER PARTY, but if you're not like me, you're just as likely to think it's the most delightful film you've seen all afternoon.  Choose wisely!

UGLY SWEATER PARTY -- Movie Review by Porfle

GHOST IN THE SHELL 25TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 9/27/14

 

Visually stunning and thematically complex, 1995's intensely cinematic GHOST IN THE SHELL (Anchor Bay, 25th Anniversary Edition) is the kind of dazzling, "hard" sci-fi that doesn't hit the screen very often, and when it does it's often in the form of anime.

While obviously influenced by such films as BLADE RUNNER and that other anime classic AKIRA, GHOST has its own style and ambience that are often mesmerizing. After a pre-titles action sequence that's like something out of a futuristic Bond movie, the main titles show our young heroine, Major Motoko Kusanagi, during the laboratory creation of her cybernetic body in a womblike pool of chemicals.

She then rises naked from it as a sort of placental crust cracks off her body, while Kenji Kawai's ethereal musical score begins to weave its web. And thus we're given a preview of the mind-expanding artistic potential the film will go on to almost effortlessly fulfill.

As with a lot of serious anime, the overly-complicated and sometimes hard to follow plot is mainly a springboard for wildly imaginative, often impressionistic flights of artistic fancy along with some thought-provoking ideas. Set in 2029, the story concerns two secret government agencies whose conflicting agendas will clash in potentially devastating ways.

Major Kusanagi of the Internal Bureau of Investigations is tasked to track down a mysterious villain known as the Puppet Master, a kind of sentient computer virus who can infiltrate the mind of any human whose cyber-enhanced brain is hooked into the system, taking over their will and giving them false memories.

Major Kusanagi is aided in her mission by a hulking, gray-haired mentor named Batou and brawny but easygoing Togusa, who all take part in a frentic chase scene early on which explores just how imaginatively this medium can be used in depicting bullet-riddled vehicular mayhem with the power to thrill in ways that live-action films rarely can. (THE MATRIX and THE FIFTH ELEMENT, on which this film is a distinct influence, come close.)

As the secrets behind the Puppet Master unfold (which I can't reveal without spoiling some of the film's most compelling surprises), GHOST IN THE SHELL offers a seemingly endless procession of eye-pleasing and mind-expanding sci-fi sights, sounds, and concepts. Every once in a while, there's a montage of images that the viewer gets lost in, or a deep, intimate conversation about mortality that can only be engaged in by a couple of cyborgs whose consciousness resides within cybernetic brains.

Kusanagi is particularly contemplative regarding identity since both her body and brain are almost entirely synthetic. Is she even human at all anymore? And since she's connected to the 'net like any other computer, her mind is vulnerable to being hacked by the Puppet Master at any time--if it hasn't been already.

How does she know her memories are real, or that what's she is experiencing at present is really happening? Her potential invasion and subjugation by an unseen force is one of the film's major dramatic concerns, which will eventually lead to an ending which, while somewhat unexpectedly low-key, is intellectually stimulating to say the least.

Directed by Mamoru Oshii (AVALON, ASSAULT GIRLS), the visuals are the work of animators from Production I.G. (BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE, KAIDOHMARU, KILL BILL). The story is based upon Masamune Shirow's original manga. While I usually prefer straight cel animation to a cel-CGI mixture, the digital stuff is used sparingly--mainly for computer readouts and such--and the overall effect is just so eye-pleasing and finely-rendered that it's visually irresistible.

The Blu-ray disc from Anchor Bay and Starz is in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 English and 2.0 Japanese audio and English subtitles. The disc is barebones with no bonus features. The disc case contains an illustrated booklet with a Mamoru Oshii interview and two essays, "The World of Ghost in the Shell" and "The Impact of Ghost in the Shell."

Not a children's "cartoon" by any means (it, as they say, "contains violence, nudity, and adult themes"), GHOST IN THE SHELL lavishes the viewer with moments of beauty and contemplation which explore the emotional limits of animation while also generating explosive, edge-of-your-seat action. Like all really good science-fiction, it's both visceral and sublime.

GHOST IN THE SHELL 25TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 9/20/2018

 

I have to agree with the Medveds that EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC (Scream Factory, 1977) is one of the dumbest horror films ever made.  And yet that's what makes it so watchable--the fact that it's so incredibly, entertainingly dumb.

It's also one of the worst-ever sequels to a classic film.  The nightmarish original from director William Friedkin (THE FRENCH CONNECTION, TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A., THE BOYS IN THE BAND) was considered by many upon release as the most terrifying film of all time.  Even a lot of first-time viewers nowadays tend to agree.  But for its hapless follow-up, reactions are largely negative.

Linda Blair is back as "Regan", this time several years older than the little girl we first met.  Still suffering the after-effects of her previous ordeal, Regan is undergoing unorthodox treatments from super-shrink Louise Fletcher which are intended to isolate and solve her "mental" problems.  This involves a flashing mutual-hypnosis machine called a "synchonizer", which connects their minds and adds a sort of sci-fi element to the story.

Meanwhile, there's a new priest in town--the great Richard Burton as Father Lamont, a troubled holy man ordered by the Cardinal (Paul Henried) to investigate what happened to Father Merrin (Max Von Sydow) leading up to his strange death.  This eventually leads him to Regan, and then to Africa for an encounter with mysterious locust expert James Earl Jones.

What follows is a strange mishmash of conventional horror, sci-fi, African mysticism, and leftovers from the original story that alternates between either dull and meandering, and just plain fascinating as an ill-conceived screen artifact.

At times it feels sort of like one of those soupy 70s-era Dino De Laurentiis or Carlo Ponti productions.  (The overcooked score by Ennio Morricone doesn't help.) Hard to believe it was directed by John Boorman, the same man who gave us DELIVERANCE and EXCALIBUR but has none of William Friedkin's knack for pulling off this kind of horror.

To be fair, Friedkin had much better material to work with.  The weak script was rewritten multiple times, with tepid echoes from the first movie interlaced with such elements as locust attacks (an odd parallel to the evil invading our world) which can only be repelled by that rare someone with a special spiritual power.

This figures very importantly in the wildly bizarre finale as locusts descend on Regan's crumbling old Washington, D.C. townhouse like something out of an Irwin Allen disaster flick (sort of a cross between EARTHQUAKE and THE SWARM), while Father Lamont wrestles furiously in bed with Regan's evilly seductive doppelganger.

As for me, the sequel's undisputed highlight is the infamous tap-dancing scene.  Few examples of unintended hilarity are as sublimely funny as seeing Regan, stricken by the old evil spirit again during a school talent show, valiantly struggling to finish her tap-dancing routine (top hat, tails, cane--the whole works) to the tune of "Lullaby of Broadway" as her body is wracked with violent spasms.

Linda's fans will naturally enjoy seeing her again as an older Regan.  Unfortunately, this was made during that awkward teen phase when Linda wasn't all that convincing in anything beyond the likes of ROLLER BOOGIE or SAVAGE STREETS.  Her chirpy demeanor and weak line delivery constantly work against Boorman's attempts to build realistic tension.

Louise Fletcher (ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, DEAD KIDS) and Richard Burton (THE KLANSMAN, THE WILD GEESE) both do what they can with the tepid material. Burton, one of film's greatest actors when given the chance, is especially watchable even though the last act mostly requires him to wander around in a trance.  Kitty Winn returns from the first film as Sharon.  Ned Beatty and a very young Dana Plato are also on hand.

The 2-disc Blu-ray from Scream Factory contains both the original 118-minute cut and the 102-minute reedited version, which was released after the film failed to meet audience expectations first time around.  Both are 2k scans from the original film elements.  Image and sound quality are very good.  English subtitles are available.

Each disc contains ample bonus material, including three commentary tracks (one with director John Boorman) and a revealing interview with Linda Blair.  Also included are trailers and still galleries, plus a reversible cover insert.

EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC is a somewhat exhilarating experience at times--not because it's good, but because it's so flamboyantly bad.  Once you've seen the full version, you'll want to watch the edited cut just to see what they did in the way of damage control.  Either way, it's one of 70s cinema's most interesting failures.


DISC ONE (118 Minute Cut Of The Film):

NEW 2K Scan From Original Film Elements
NEW Audio Commentary With Director John Boorman
NEW Audio Commentary With Project Consultant Scott Bosco
NEW What Does She Remember? – An Interview With Actress Linda Blair
NEW Interview With Editor Tom Priestley

DISC TWO (102 Minute Cut Of The Film):

NEW 2K Scan From Original Film Elements
NEW Audio Commentary With Mike White Of The Projection Booth Blog
Original Teaser Trailer
Original Theatrical Trailer
Still Galleries Including Rare Color And B&W Stills, Behind-The-Scenes, Deleted Scene Photos, Posters, And Lobby Cards

Buy it from Shout Factory

EXORCIST II: THE HERETIC -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle