SNOWFLAKE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/20/18

 

While some of the blurbs describe the 2017 German film SNOWFLAKE (aka "Schneeflöckchen") as being Tarantino-esque, a modern Grimm's fairytale, and other such colorful phrases, don't let that put you off (if it does) or mislead you. 

This is really an enjoyably offbeat tale that manages to deconstruct the usual narrative and throw the viewer a few wicked curves, but it isn't a mind trip of LSD proportions that will leave you strung out in the middle of a surrealistic wasteland.

The Tarantino comparison is mainly due to the fact that two of the protagonists, Javid (Reza Brojerdi) and Tan (Erkan Acar), trade some quirky "Royale with cheese"-type dialogue while casually killing people during their nocturnal prowl through the streets and fast food joints of a violently dystopian near-future Germany. 

There's also the somewhat fractured storyline, due mainly to the fact that they find, in the backseat of their stolen car, a screenplay in progress which features them as the main characters and has the exact dialogue that they've just spoken moments before. The screenplay, it seems, has recorded their exact words and deeds in the past, present, and, to their greatest shock, the future.

Meanwhile, an emotionally-damaged young woman named Eliana (Xenia Assenza) and her devoted bodyguard Carson (David Masterson) are seeking hired killers to avenge the deaths of Eliana's parents at the hands of none other than Javid and Tan.  Carson's father Caleb (David Gant), who thinks he's God, gives them a list of killers to approach with their proposal.

Eliana wants to hire them all, setting off a series of encounters that include a deadly clash with two insane brothers (one thinks he's a pig, both are bloodthirsty cannibals), another pair of assassins who keep a human robot as their slave and engage in playful roleplaying games with their prey, and, finally, a fascist paramilitary leader with an underground army who, as we discover, may have touched off the entire convoluted storyline himself years before.

Director Adolfo J. Kolmerer brings all this to life without trying to overly dazzle us with style, while the script by Arend Remmers (who named the film's writer character after himself) avoids unnecessary pretensions or profundities while still keeping us mentally on our toes. 

Javid and Tan are constantly trying to stay one step ahead of their written destinies, even seeking out scriptwriter Arend--a dentist with dreams of breaking into movies--and torturing him into writing a happy ending for them. 

This gives their scenes a pleasant brain-teaser aspect often found in time-travel stories, tossing in an interesting paradox or two along the way.  We also ponder the signficance of their meeting with the angelic Snowflake (Judith Hoersch), whose beatific innocence borders on the simpleminded. 

Fans of horror and violence won't be disappointed when the story swings into "Texas Chain Saw Massacre" territory a time or two (especially when the cannibal brothers are busy processing their victims for future consumption) and the frequent gunplay leaves plenty of bullet-riddled bodies in its wake.  Even superhero fans will thrill to the exploits of Hydro Electric Man, a vigilante zapping the bad guys on the mean streets.

The Artsploitation Films Blu-ray is in 5.1 Dolby stero with German and English soundtrack and English subtitles.  Bonus features consist of a making-of featurette and a trailer.

As all the various story threads come to a head, SNOWFLAKE finds Arend furiously bent over his laptop with fingers flying, writing and rewriting until the killers he's imagined into existence are satisfied with the outcome.  The result isn't enough to blow you away or leave your mind frazzled with phantasmagoria, but it's a delightfully disorienting and mentally stimulating tale nonetheless. 


Official website

SNOWFLAKE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THE BEAST MUST DIE! -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THE BEAST MUST DIE! is exclusive to "THE AMICUS COLLECTION" (Blu-ray 4-volume box set) from Severin Films.
(And Now the Screaming Starts!/Asylum/The Beast Must Die/The Vault of Amicus)

 

Originally posted on 12/18/17

One of the most hard-and-fast rules of cinema is that any movie is worth watching if it has a "Werewolf Break." 

Okay, I made that up, but I do find it to be true in the case of the 1974 Amicus werewolf thriller THE BEAST MUST DIE! (Severin Films), which not only does have a "Werewolf Break" but happens to be the only film I can think of to boast such a distinction.

It opens with a lively title sequence featuring eccentric millionaire Tom Newcliffe (American actor Calvin Lockhart, COTTON COMES TO HARLEM, UPTOWN SATURDAY NIGHT) being hunted by his own ex-military security staff in order to test their capabilities. This is in preparation for an antipated guest--namely, a werewolf. 

Newcliffe, in fact, has invited a varied array of men and women to his secluded estate for the weekend, believing one of them to be a werewolf and looking forward to the opportunity of hunting it down to satisfy his sadistic lusts for sport and blood, as he does every other kind of wild beast he comes in contact with.

Thus, we already get a strong THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME vibe, especially when Newcliffe makes it clear that none of the guests--that is, werewolf suspects--is free to leave the grounds until one of them has been exposed and terminated. 

There's also sort of a low-rent Agatha Christie flavor a la "And Then There Were None" and "Ten Little Indians", including even the traditional gathering of the suspects and surprise reveal at the end. (The script is actually adapted from a short story by James Blish, author of the very first Star Trek novel "Spock Must Die!")

What makes this variation on the old saw so much fun--besides, of course, the werewolf angle, which will have the attention of old-school monster fans from frame one--is the pure, undiluted 70s-era cheesiness of the whole thing. 

While capable enough, the direction by Paul Annett, as well as cinematography,  editing, and some rather broad acting, give the film the look and feel of a quickie TV-movie of the era. 

The original score by Douglas Gamley is perfectly fine and even somewhat reminiscent of Bernard Herrmann until he tries for a 70s funk-rock effect, which recalls the old thwacka-wacka 70s porn-movie backing tracks.

This, however, by no means hampers one's enjoyment of the film.  Rather, it increases it for viewers with a taste for fine cheese who revel in seeing such a cast, including Peter Cushing, Anton Diffring, Michael Gambon, and Charles Gray, taking part in such goings on. 

Calvin Lockhart himself overacts his role with such magnificent abandon that I kept wishing he could skip the werewolf and go up against Rod Steiger in a ham-actor cage match. 

With three successive nights of full moons, THE BEAST MUST DIE! gives us plenty of furious action (although the murky day-for-night photography sometimes makes it hard to see just what's going on) as well as lots of ensemble drama pitting the hot-blooded hunter against his own reluctant guests as he tries to trick each into revealing his or her hidden lycanthropy.  This includes even his wife, Caroline (Marlene Clark, who also tends to emote rather robustly).

When we see the werewolf itself, it's rather disappointingly played by an actual canine rather than a person in werewolf makeup (which I, being a lifelong fan of such films as THE WOLF MAN and CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF, would much prefer). 

I got used to this, however, and was primed when the film finally paused for its delightfully hokey "Werewolf Break", a gimmick harkening back to the days of William Castle in which we're given thirty seconds to weigh the clues and decide the true identity of the werewolf.  (I was wrong, and you probably will be, too.)

The Blu-ray from Severin Films looks good despite occasional imperfections in the source material.  Personally, I prefer my vintage monster flicks with a hint of the old grindhouse look since that's the way they used to look running through a theater projector for the thousandth time back in the good old days.  So to my eyes, the film looks just fine.

Special features include an audio essay by horror historian Troy Howarth, an informative commentary track with director Paul Arnett, the featurette "Directing the Beast" with Arnett again, and the theatrical trailer.  These extras, like the film itself, are exclusive only to the Severin 4-volume set "The Amicus Collection", which also includes "Asylum", "And Now the Screaming Starts", and "The Vault of Amicus."  Both English and Spanish soundtracks are available, with English subtitles.

There are those, of course, who will find this  practically unwatchable if they require their horror films to be more costly, refined, and sophisticated.  That's fine for them, but I'm one of many who can watch a movie like THE BEAST MUST DIE! and relish it every bit as much as those other ones--and, occasionally, even more. 


THE BEAST MUST DIE! is exclusive to "THE AMICUS COLLECTION" (Blu-ray 4-volume box set) from Severin Films.
(And Now the Screaming Starts!/Asylum/The Beast Must Die/The Vault of Amicus)

Read our reviews of:

AND NOW THE SCREAMING STARTS
ASYLUM
THE VAULT OF AMICUS

THE BEAST MUST DIE! -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

BURIAL GROUND -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/20/16

 

A lot of low-budget horror movies are just plain boring, either because the makers lacked the talent to create interesting movies or they just didn't care enough to try.  But then there are those, like the 1981 Italian zombie thriller BURIAL GROUND (aka "The Nights of Terror"), that take you on a non-stop rollercoaster ride through Horror Land that doesn't stop until it rockets right off the rails into a brick wall. 

This sucker wastes no time getting things underway: an archeologist discovers an ancient tomb beneath a monastery and accidentally releases a horde of long-decayed zombies dressed in ragged monk's robes who instantly start chowing down on him before shambling over to his nearby villa just in time to start terrorizing his weekend guests and staff.  And this is all before the opening credits! 

There are a few brief introductory scenes before the full-scale attack begins, in which we meet three horny couples, one with a creepy dwarf-like son named Michael who's a real mama's boy (played by 20-something actor Peter Bark).  We get to see a little bedtime hanky-panky including brief nudity, with Michael walking in on his parents and throwing a fit of jealousy to see someone else gettin' jiggy with Mommy. Yikes!

So anyway, the next day Michael's parents are puttering around the villa's sculpting studio firing off their pistol (!) while the other two libininous couples cavort around making whoopee all over the verdant villa grounds, when suddenly--it's zombie time!  Without warning, the beyond-rotting ambulatory corpses shuffle in from the nearby woods or start clawing their way out of the ground, causing a general panic among the warm-blooded.

These guys are ugly, too--although crudely made, the plethora of zombie masks they wear are utterly grotesque, resembling the old "shock" masks one used to see advertised in monster magazines, and festooned with squirming maggots.  It looks as though the makeup department had a field day creating them all and the sheer variety is marvelous. 

As the living barricade themselves in the house, the zombies prove themselves more industrious than their usual movie brethren by using such weapons as pitchforks, axes, and even scythes as they chop through boarded-up windows and climb their way to the upper-floor balconies.  Once they've gained entrance, pandemoneum reigns with various members of the cast getting disemboweled and feasted upon. 

 

And while the special effects may lack Tom Savini's artistry and finesse, they make up for it in graphic gore.  Certain moments are particularly imaginative (read: horrifying) especially those involving main characters who die and return from the dead themselves to confront the others in gruesome ways.  There's one touching reunion between Michael and his mom that really...well, I won't go into that.

Director Andrea Bianchi (MALABIMBA: THE MALICIOUS WHORE) also makes up for a lack of finesse (as per the usual cheap Italian horror flick, there's much shaky camerawork and overuse of the zoom lens) by maintaining a high energy level and lightning pace.  We're allowed scant breathing time between scares before the suspense tightens up yet again with our protagonists barely avoiding death at every turn.  Or not. 

Another thing that distinguishes BURIAL GROUND from the standard horror fare is its genuine chill factor.  That drafty old mansion gets really creepy after nightfall when the electricity goes out, and there's a real sense of menace when these shambling ghouls start to close in en masse with their hideous wormy faces and clutching claws.  This effectively spooky ambience continues right up until the film's freeze-frame fadeout.   

 

The Blu-ray disc from Severin Films is in 1.85:1 widescreen with Dolby 2.0 soundtracks in both Italian and English, with English subtitles available.  In addition to deleted/extended scenes and a lengthy trailer, extras consist of four featurettes: "Villa Parisi--Legacy of Terror" (the historic house location for this and many other films including NIGHTMARE CASTLE), "Peter Still Lives: Festival Q & A With Peter Bark", "Just For the Money: Interview With Actor Simone Mattioli", and "The Smell of Death" which features recent interviews with the producer and Mariangela Giordano, the actress who played Michael's mother.  The cover art is reversible.

From the intial look of it, BURIAL GROUND could've gone one of two ways--boringly bad, or wonderfully bad.  As it turns out, this fast-paced little powerhouse of cheapo horror filmmaking shoots right past bad and straight into being just plain awesome.


Release date: October 25, 2016

                                                       Slipcover art

 

BURIAL GROUND -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

CAESAR AND OTTO'S PARANORMAL HALLOWEEN -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/7/15

 

Petulant, petty, puerile, cowardly yet arrogant, incredibly vain, and prone to violent temper tantrums, struggling would-be actor Caesar Denovio is once again the "Ren" to lovable slob Otto's "Stimpy" in their latest laugh-packed horror comedy, CAESAR AND OTTO'S PARANORMAL HALLOWEEN (2015). 

As the hapless half-brothers, Dave Campfield and Paul Chomicki first hit the screen in a reality TV spoof that was aptly titled CAESAR AND OTTO.  After that, they veered into slasher territory with CAESAR AND OTTO'S SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE and CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS while paying homage to classic horror in the short films CAESAR AND OTTO IN THE HOUSE OF DRACULA and CAESAR AND OTTO MEET DRACULA'S LAWYER. Here, they're back in action facing more supernatural perils in their most fast-moving mashup of the horror genre yet. 

The story starts off running with a hysterical spoof of HALLOWEEN that SCARY MOVIE wishes it had thought of.  In addition to the ghastly sight of Caesar and Otto dressed in drag so that they can score high-paying babysitter jobs, we also get a jab at Dr. Phil thrown in for good measure.  And this is before the credits have even rolled.

Before long the boys find themselves house-sitting for highly unpopular governor Jerry Grayson (series stalwart Ken MacFarlane, THE MILLENNIUM BUG) in a dream mansion that seems too good to be true.  What the governor fails to mention is that it's haunted.  I mean really, really haunted.

This is just the jumping off point for director and co-writer Campfield to start lampooning every fright flick from THE SHINING to PARANORMAL ACTIVITY to INSIDIOUS to THE AMITYVILLE HORROR.  THE EXORCIST is given its due when the boys' roguish dad Fred (Scott Aguilar) shows up and gets possessed (actually, it turns out he's just extremely drunk) which draws the questionable involvement of priests Sean Whalen (LAID TO REST) and Deron Miller (SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE, DEADLY XMAS). 

As usual, rank silliness is elevated to a sort of rough-hewn art form in this installment of the ongoing series, with sharp editing and a cartoon-like pace giving it the giddy feel of a live-action Looney Tune.  The gags are non-stop with barely a breath between them, and most of them score (if not a guffaw, then at least a knowing titter). 

Production values, while still not quite on the level of a Spielberg film, are the most lavish for an entry in this series.  This is probably Dave Campfield's best work as a filmmaker so far (although his first film, the serious thriller DARK CHAMBER, continues to impress). 

Besides its inventive script, the film's main strength is a cast that many indy filmmakers would die for.  Scream queens Tiffany Shepis (BONNIE AND CLYDE VS. DRACULA), Debbie Rochon (THE THEATER BIZARRE), and Brinke Stevens (JONAH LIVES) are on hand along with SLEEPAWAY CAMP's Felissa Rose and Beverly Randolph of RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. 

Vernon Wells (THE ROAD WARRIOR's iconic "Wez") shows up as an axe-wielding psycho in a creepy old 8mm film the Denovios discover in a hidden room.  Rising stars JamieLee Ackerman and Josephine Iannece make an impression as the mansion's mysterious cook and gardener.  And as the titular non-heroes, Campfield and Chomicki just might be the greatest comedy duo since Abbott and Costello.

The DVD from WildEye Releasing is in anamorphic widescreen with 2.0 sound.  No subtitles.  A wealth of bonus features include two commentary tracks (one with Campfield, Ackerman, and Iannece, the other featuring Chomicki and other cast and crew), a gag reel, a tribute to the late Robert Z'Dar, trailers, behind the scenes videos and podcasts, and the delightful "Son of Piggyzilla" trilogy of shorts about everyone's favorite giant carnivorous guinea pig. 

Several cool Easter Eggs can also be found on the various menus.  Click on everything!  (I'm even mentioned in one of them!)

All the slapstick gore and goofy thrills you expect from a Caesar and Otto flick, and then some, are lurking in the delirious CAESAR AND OTTO'S PARANORMAL HALLOWEEN.  So check it out, but beware--you just might die laughing. 

Official Trailer

CAESAR AND OTTO'S PARANORMAL HALLOWEEN -- DVD Review by Porfle

ALL THE COLORS OF GIALLO -- Blu-ray/DVD/CD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 1/31/19

 

A primer, a history, and a celebration of giallo all rolled into one 3-disc set, Severin Films' ALL THE COLORS OF GIALLO pretty much covers all the bases for new fans wanting to learn more and old ones who just want to revel in it all.

As the publicity states, "‘Giallo’ is Italian for ‘yellow’, the color of the lurid pulp novels that inspired one of the most intense, extreme and influential genres in movie history."

The genesis of all this is the krimi, or German crime novel, which contains elements (shadowy settings, shocking murders, mysterious phantom killers, police procedurals) that would later be adopted by Italian filmmakers but jacked up to new levels of violence and lavish indulgences in cinematic style for its own sake.

Disc One (Blu-ray) starts off with a feature-length documentary by Federico Caddeo entitled "All the Colors of Giallo", an exhaustive history of the genre that takes us from the beginnings of the German krimi books and films, and in particular the works of Edgar Wallace, all the way through the evolution of the giallo thrillers by such directors as Mario Bava, Lucio Fulci, and Dario Argento.

Several of giallo's main figures are interviewed including Fulci and Argento themselves, along with familiar screen talents such as Barbara Bouchet and Susan Scott.

"The Giallo Frames" offers even more on the subject, giving us an in-depth interview with John Martin, editor of "The Giallo Pages." 

But best of all (for me, anyway) is a full four-hour collection of giallo trailers that run the gamut of the entire genre and are accompanied by a commentary track from Kat Ellinger, author of "All the Colors of Sergio Martino."

Kat showed her depth of knowledge on the subject during her commentary for Martino's film "All the Colors of the Dark", but here she is a veritable gold mine of information and unbridled enthusiasm on each and every trailer that we see, keeping a running commentary that never fails to entertain.  Thus, the trailer collection becomes a four-hour documentary unto itself, and perhaps the highlight of the entire collection.

Disc two (DVD) delves deeper into the subject of the krimi, with the informative documentaries  "The Case Of The Krimi" and "The Case Of The Krimi: Interview With Film Historian Marcus Stiglegger."

Then we get yet another hour-and-a-half of trailers, this time mostly in beautiful, atmospheric black-and-white (with very nice picture quality as well) before turning to color for the later ones.

Klaus Kinski fans will be pleased to find that he appears in practically all of these krimi trailers, which are a lively bunch of clips providing much entertainment and amusement.

Disc three is a CD entitled "The Strange Sounds of the Bloodstained Films", containing twenty giallo soundtrack selections from such composers as Ennio Morricone, Riz Ortolani, Bruno Nicolai, Stelvio Cipriani, and others.  It's great stuff, whether you have it on in the background or don your headphones for an intensive listening session.

Experienced giallo fans will enjoy reliving old favorites with this collection of documentaries, interviews, and trailers, and those just getting into such lively, lurid, and lavishly cinematic fare may find their curiosity stoked into an insatiable desire.


Buy it from Severin Films

Special Features:
DISC 1 – Blu-ray
All the Colors of Giallo: A New Feature Length Documentary By Federico Caddeo
The Giallo Frames: Interview With John Martin, Editor Of The Giallo Pages
Audio Commentary with Kat Ellinger, Author of All The Colors Of Sergio Martino

DISC 2 – DVD: The Case of the Krimi
Kriminal!: Trailer Compilation
The Case Of The Krimi: Interview With Film Historian Marcus Stiglegger

DISC 3 – CD
The Strange Sounds Of The Bloodstained Films: Compiled By Alfonso Carillo of Rendezvous! From The Archives Of Beat Records. Remastered By Claudio Fuiano.

ALL THE COLORS OF GIALLO -- Blu-ray/DVD/CD Review by Porfle

Addams Family: "Wednesday & Pugsley's Halloween Costumes" (10/24/64) (video)

 

(Originally posted on 10/23/19)

 

It's Halloween night for Wednesday and Pugsley...

...who have chosen the most frightening costumes imaginable.

They're dressed as "normal people"!

So scary are these costumes that they must recite a pre-prepared disclaimer...

"Do not be alarmed. We are only little children."


Film clips are the exclusive property of MGM

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!
 

Addams Family: "Wednesday & Pugsley's Halloween Costumes" (10/24/64) (video)

DEADGIRL -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/17/09

 

Recently I watched another coming-of-age film called "Bart Got a Room", which might be thought of as the happy flipside to today's very different coming-of-age story, DEADGIRL (2008).

 In this one, two high school misfits named Rickie and J.T. get a room too, only instead of being in a posh hotel it's in the dark basement of an abandoned mental institution, and instead of finding prom dates, they find a naked living-dead girl wrapped in plastic and strapped to a lab table.

Needless to say, this isn't your father's Archie and Jughead. While Rickie (the soulful Shiloh Fernandez, who reminds me of a pre-nutso Joaquin Phoenix) is disturbed by their discovery and wants to report it to somebody, the considerably flakier J.T. (Noah Segan) quickly sees Deadgirl as their own animated RealDoll.

Before long he's as paranoid and possessive as Fred C. Dobbs and acting out his twisted adolescent urges with the undying corpse. In one startling scene, he proves to Rickie that she can't die by firing several bullets into her torso with no effect. Rickie is repulsed but intimidated into silence by the increasingly unbalanced J.T. Eventually others are brought in on the sick setup, with varying horrific consequences.

In a way, DEADGIRL reminded me of "The River's Edge", a fact-based story of some disaffected high school kids who find a murdered girl's body in the weeds and bring their friends out to gawk at her instead of doing anything about it. Here, however, we go way beyond merely "disaffected" and into full-blown "deranged."

Many viewers will no doubt find it difficult to endure scenes of J.T. and his pathetic toady Wheeler (Eric Podnar) taking turns with the increasingly worse-for-wear Deadgirl as her chilling visage contorts, her eyes rolling and leering in their sockets. Equally repellent is the sight of J.T. poking at her pus-oozing bulletholes as he giddily marvels at her inability to die.

While J.T. has found the ghoul of his nightmares, Rickie still pines for the beautiful and unattainable popular girl Joann (Candice Accola), who, as J.T. points out with brutal frankness, would rather die than be with him. She'll eventually have to make that choice.

Her bullying jock boyfriend Johnny (Andrew DiPalma) and his equally sadistic sidekick Dwyer (Nolan Gerard Funk) also get drawn into the situation, culminating in some of the film's most ghastly and nerve-wracking images. Even tied up, Deadgirl is dangerous, because when you least expect it, she bites. And the bites get...infected. What happens to one hapless lad in particular is, for me anyway, quite a jaw-dropper.

 

I wasn't altogether satisfied by the ending, although I suppose there was a kind of resigned inevitability to it. The leads play their parts convincingly--Segan is especially effective as the downwardly spiralling J.T., and Michael Bowen, who was "Buck" in KILL BILL VOL. 1, is one of the best character actors working today.

Best of all, Jenny Spain's Deadgirl is a truly strange and frightening creation. The combination of the right makeup and her cunningly controlled performance, along with the imaginative direction of Marcel Sarmiento and Gadi Harel, makes Deadgirl a memorable movie "monster." You're never quite sure what's going through her fevered mind and can't wait to find out what will happen when she gets loose from her bonds. Which she eventually does, of course.

DEADGIRL is not to be confused with the similarly-titled 2006 film "The Dead Girl." That was a thoughtful, bittersweet account of the affect that one girl's murder has on the lives of several people who are connected with her in one way or another. This, on the other hand, is a pitch dark, full-blown horror flick that sets out to disgust and disturb and succeeds by being one of the most deviously over-the-top cinematic fever dreams of recent years. As for Deadgirl herself, she is both loathesome and sympathetic, repellant yet compelling, horrific yet oddly heroic--and altogether fascinating.

DEADGIRL -- Movie Review by Porfle

TAKE A GIRL LIKE YOU (1970) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/1/21

 

Currently watching: TAKE A GIRL LIKE YOU (1970) with Hayley Mills and Oliver Reed.

Former child star Hayley Mills was well into adulthood when she starred as school teacher Jenny Bunn, just arrived in town and moving into a boarding house owned by a bickering couple, local political candidate Dick Thompson (John Bird) and his domineering, unhappy wife Martha (Sheila Hancock).

Jenny's roommate, a free-spirited young girl named Anna (Geraldine Sherman), introduces her to a friend, confirmed bachelor and insatiable ladies' man Patrick Standish (Oliver Reed), who takes an instant fancy to Jenny. 

 

Patrick's a fast worker and in no time has Jenny in his apartment to see how far he can go and how fast. Jenny throws a huge roadblock in his path--namely, the fact that she's a virgin (which shocks him) and doesn't want to have sex until it's with someone she loves and who loves her in return.

This, of course, is the spark that ignites the perpetually aroused and resolutely single-minded Patrick's manic attempts to get the reluctant Jenny into bed with him for literally the rest of the film.

So adamant is Jenny's refusal to give in that Hayley and Oliver's scenes together, she standoffish and he bearishly insistent, have an uncomfortable edge to them, as though we can feel her nervous claustrophobia in his overbearing presence.

 

 

This is acerbated by the fact that Oliver Reed was simply a big, overbearing actor, one who was so well cast in the lead role in CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF that we almost expect him to turn into a raging, snarling lycanthrope every time his wishes and desires are thwarted.

Which doesn't happen, thank goodness, although he is, at the very least, a really big pest, a matter that's only aggravated by his mutually sex-obsessed friend Julian (Noel Harrison). Julian is Dick's campaign advisor when not spending his time as an idle playboy in a huge mansion (one that's about to be torn down to make way for a new roadway, which is why he wants Dick elected).

Julian's ultra-casual view of sex makes him a bad influence on Patrick, as does Julian's ultra-amorous spokesmodel girlfriend Wendy (Aimi MacDonald), who oozes pheromones and throws herself at men like a linebacker. 

 

 

Adding fuel to this slow-burning pyre of social anxiety is Julian's other bachelor friend Graham, a romantically needy shlub who takes an unrequited fancy to Jenny. Graham is played by Ronald Lacey (CRUCIBLE OF TERROR, "The Avengers: The Joker") , best known as Gestapo bad guy Toht in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, but who in this case is a rather meek and sympathetic little fellow.

With all of these characters repeatedly gathered together at cross purposes and in the most unromantic and emotionally inhospitable social situations one might imagine, TAKE A GIRL LIKE YOU is the sort of film that calls itself a comedy but is more like a human demolition derby that we watch in constant apprehension of what will transpire next.

That all this manages to remain rather pleasantly entertaining is a credit to original novel author Kingsley Amis and to Jonathan Miller, a prolific television writer/producer (BBC's "Alice In Wonderland") making his sole feature film as director. 

 

 

 

Miller gives the whole affair enough of a light, casual touch to keep it palatable even though he lacks the sharp visual and verbal wit of a Mike Nichols or Elaine May. He's helped in no small part by a musical score by Stanley Myers (THE DEER HUNTER) which is surprisingly rich and vibrant for a film of this kind and also includes some very catchy pop songs.

Hayley, of course, is a delight throughout, and we can understand why Patrick, the urbanely sleazy Julian, and the rest all end up with their sights on her. What finally happens when she can't put them all off anymore is what makes the slow but reasonably involving TAKE A GIRL LIKE YOU worth staying with till the end.

TAKE A GIRL LIKE YOU (1970) -- Movie Review by Porfle

EVIL TOONS: 20TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION -- DVD review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/23/10

 

The story behind EVIL TOONS (1990) is probably more interesting than the movie itself--famed exploitation filmmaker Fred Olen Ray was asked to come in and do some nude scenes to punch up another film that was nearing completion, and when he saw all the locations and equipment right there for the taking, with the rental still paid up for several days, he figured it would be the perfect opportunity to do another project he was currently trying to finance. So he teamed up with producer Victoria Till and in eight days shot the "naked girls terrorized by a cartoon monster in a haunted house" flick he'd been wanting to make.

Whether or not it's very good is a matter that each individual viewer must judge. When four good-looking babes are hired to spend the weekend in an old mansion and clean it up for the new owners, only to find an EVIL DEAD-type book that produces a hellish creature after the wrong incantation is read aloud (when will people learn?), it seems as though we'll be in for a whole heap of rip-snortin', blouse-rippin' fun.

As it turns out, the movie is pretty bland--I found it much less lively than, for example, that old "USA Up All Night" staple H.O.T.S. But it does have its own low-budget charms. The lead actresses are mostly former and future "adult" stars who aren't exactly the most talented comediennes in Hollywood. Monique Gabrielle (AMAZON WOMEN ON THE MOON, BACHELOR PARTY) is probably the best of the bunch as brainy nerd Megan, who manages a few funny moments and is a really good screamer. Suzanne Ager (THE BIKINI CARWASH COMPANY), also a first-class screamer, is appealing as Terry and gets better when her character has more action-oriented stuff to do.


Porn star Barbara Dare, here billed as "Stacey Nix", is the weakest of the bunch. Not bad, really, just not very memorable. The most energetic performance comes from Madison Stone as Roxanne, who not only does a bouncy striptease but later gets possessed by the monster from the book and goes on a bloody rampage. (Her "creature" voice is dubbed by none other than Count Yorga himself, Robert Quarry.) Madison plays the monster role to the hilt, and always manages to rip her victims' tops off before sinking her big, pointy teeth into them.

The "evil toon" himself is interesting simply because the presence of a cartoon monster interacting with live actors is pretty rare for a film with such a low budget. The fact that he's very crudely animated and appears for only a short time is to be expected in these pre-CGI times when such effects were more costly and difficult to achieve. He does have a few amusingly horny reactions to Roxanne (a la the wolf character in the old MGM cartoon "Red Hot Riding Hood") and the scene in which he attacks her is relatively complex. His voice is dubbed by Fred Olen Ray himself, who is a much better director than he is a voice actor. He does get the film's best line: "You little bitch--I'll get you for this in the sequel!"


Probably the most interesting and disturbing thing about this movie occurs in the opening minutes when, in an extremely ironic coincidence, David Carradine's character hangs himself. (Yikes.) As Gideon Fisk, the man responsible for discovering the book and unwittingly unleashing its evil upon the world, Carradine obviously has a bit of a struggle taking the part seriously, yet seems to enjoy playing his mysterious caped character. His scenes were all shot in one day but are well-distributed throughout the film, and he has a major role in the semi-exciting finale.

Also adding a little name value to the cast are perennial fave Dick Miller and "Laugh-In" alumnus Arte Johnson. Dick plays Burt, the owner of the cleaning company the girls work for, and as always he's fun to watch even though he doesn't really have much to do. The scene in which he watches himself on TV during a late-night airing of BUCKET OF BLOOD provides the film with one of its best moments. Arte Johnson, as creepy neighbor Mr. Hinchlow, is strangely reserved and manages to come off as more genuinely creepy than funny (although he relishes delivering the film's closing zinger).

America's sweetheart Michelle Bauer (HOLLYWOOD CHAINSAW HOOKERS, SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-A-RAMA, BIKINI DRIVE-IN, etc., etc.) makes a cameo appearance as Burt's wife which lasts all of twenty seconds. She does manage to get topless in that brief amount of time, and looks about as sweet as ever here, but I was sorely disappointed that she wasn't in the rest of the movie.


The DVD from Retromedia and Infinity Entertainment Group is in anamorphic widescreen and Dolby Digital. Extras include the original trailer, a "making of" featurette which consists mainly of Ray enthusiastically addressing the camera, a "workprint" clip that shows one of the later scenes in its unfinished form, a lengthy suite composed of themes from Chuck Cirino's synth score, and a "Nite Owl Theater" segment starring Ray, his wife, and various other lovely ladies, which is probably the funniest thing on the DVD.

Most interesting of all, I think, is Ray's commentary track which was recently recorded for this 20th anniversary edition. While many of his comments are scene-specific, he also delivers quite an informative monologue on the joys and hardships of independent filmmaking on a tiny budget, and laments the fact that, unlike the old days, the market for small but decent product is pretty much gone and he doesn't know where it went. We learn about fascinating things such as gate weave, short ends, and lens flare, how the cartoon effects were achieved, and how doing a small film such as EVIL TOONS just the way he wanted to is like a vacation compared to taking orders from some bean counter on a larger production.

I'm sure that some will find EVIL TOONS unbearably dull and lacking in entertainment value of any kind. Admittedly, it's a bit on the boring side at times and even when it goes into high gear near the end it's kind of like a Three Stooges comedy without the comedy. But darn it, there's just something endearing about this earnest little flick and I like it. I guess the magic of movies is a strange and unpredictable thing.

EVIL TOONS: 20TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION -- DVD review by Porfle

The Coolest Scene In "Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter" (Hammer, 1974) (video)

Kronos (Horst Janson) and his friend Grost (John Cater) stop at a roadside pub.

Kerro (Ian Hendry) and two other ruffians with swords decide to antagonize them.

Kronos brushes off the insults directed at him.

But when they harrass his hunchbacked friend...

...it's time for some quick, decisive swordplay.

Originally posted on 4/1/19
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

The Coolest Scene In "Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter" (Hammer, 1974) (video)

CAPTAIN KRONOS, VAMPIRE HUNTER -- Mini Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 3/27/21

Currently rewatching: One of Hammer's best films, "Captain Kronos" (1974) with Horst Janson and Caroline Munro. 

 

A big plus is its connection to my favorite TV show, "The Avengers" -- it's produced by Albert Fennell and Brian Clemens and written and directed by Clemens, with music by Laurie Johnson. 

 

Original "Avenger" Ian Hendry (who played John Steed's partner in season one of that show) appears as a bad guy who crosses swords with Kronos in a tavern scene that pays homage to spaghetti westerns.

 

 

Kronos is a former military officer who hunts vampires after his sister and mother fell victim to the curse and he had to kill them after being bitten by them himself.

 

Here, he finds himself and his hunchbacked partner Grost in a village where young women are being drained of their youth in a nearby dark forest by a mysterious cloaked assailant. 

 

The premise foreshadows that of the later "Blade." The blend of swashbuckler and Gothic vampire hunter works very well. The film is wonderfully atmospheric and well done in all respects.

 

 

CAPTAIN KRONOS, VAMPIRE HUNTER -- Mini Review by Porfle

Two-Woman Shootout From "JOHNNY GUITAR" (1954) (video)

(Spoiler Alert if you haven't seen the movie!)

 

In "Johnny Guitar" (1954) Joan Crawford plays gun-totin' bar owner Vienna.

Mercedes McCambridge is Emma Small, a fierce rival who hates Vienna's guts.

It's inevitable that these two will have a guns-blazing showdown.

Which they do, finally, in the classic final scene.


Read our review of the film HERE

Originally posted on 2/12/20
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Two-Woman Shootout From "JOHNNY GUITAR" (1954) (video)

Two Modern Vehicle Bloopers In "Shane" (1953) (video)

It's one of the great westerns of all time...with two great modern vehicle bloopers.

The first one has been erased from the movie...but can still be seen in the trailer.
Look right past Shane as he approaches the Starrett ranch.

The second one happens later when Joey is talking to Shane. 
Look through the open window right behind Joey, right over the top fence rail.

And to think, the people in those vehicles never knew they were in this movie.

Originally posted on 9/10/18
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Two Modern Vehicle Bloopers In "Shane" (1953) (video)

Modern Vehicle Blooper In John Ford's "Fort Apache" (John Wayne, 1948) (video)

Right around the one-hour mark in John Ford's western cavalry classic "Fort Apache" (1948)...

...the camera pans right along a line of mounted Indian warriors. 

When it stops, watch the lower right of the screen...

...to catch a modern vehicle driving by in full view.  Oops!

Originally posted on 6/1/19
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Modern Vehicle Blooper In John Ford's "Fort Apache" (John Wayne, 1948) (video)

VERY Visible Stagehand in "HORROR ISLAND" (Universal, 1941) (video)

This long take is really quite nice...

...even when one of the lighting guys appears in the shot.

It's so obvious, he's practically a part of the cast!

Originally posted on 1/28/18
Suggested by Friend of Daniel of the CHFB.  I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

VERY Visible Stagehand in "HORROR ISLAND" (Universal, 1941) (video)

Bela Lugosi As The Frankenstein Monster ("Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man", 1943) (video)

 

Since the brain of Ygor (Bela Lugosi) was placed into the Monster's skull in GHOST OF FRANKENSTEIN(1942)...

 
...Lugosi was chosen to play the Monster in the follow-up, FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLF MAN (1943).
Thus, the Monster, now partially-blind, would speak with Ygor's voice.

But before the film's release, all references to the Monster's speech and blindness were removed.
The Monster's stiff, lurching walk is now unexplained...
...as are his silent mouth movements.  

At 60, Lugosi was in need of stand-ins for the more strenuous scenes.
Actor/stuntman Gil Perkins looked so good in the makeup, it is he whom we first see in close-up as the Monster.  
Another actor/stuntman, Eddie Parker, also plays the Monster.
 
Perkins and Parker then take turns as Monster and Wolf Man during their climactic fight.
...with Bela appearing in the close-ups.

Mystery and confusion as to "who did what", compounded by extensive reshoots, continue to surround the production.

Fans of the film mourn the missing footage, which will most likely never be recovered.
And they imagine being able to watch the film, and Lugosi's performance, in their original form.

Thanks to Joro Gaming for the music.

(Note: At about 2:35, it should say "no longer" instead of "longer." Can't believe I missed that.)

Originally posted on 12/22/21
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it!

Bela Lugosi As The Frankenstein Monster ("Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man", 1943) (video)

John Wayne: The Singing Cowboy (video)

John Wayne as "Singin' Sandy"?

Here are some of the attempts by various movie studios in the 30s to turn John Wayne into a singing cowboy.  (Dubbed, that is.)

Scenes used are from:

"Riders of Destiny" (1933)
"Westward Ho!" (1935)
"Lawless Range" (1935)
"Man From Utah" (1934)

Originally posted on 11/26/18
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

John Wayne: The Singing Cowboy (video)

THE OUTSIDER:THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

(Warner Bros. Home Entertainment provided me with a free copy of the Blu-ray TM I reviewed in this blog post. The opinions I share are my own.)

Originally posted on 7/18/20


I used to pick up a Stephen King novel and just get swallowed up in it. At its best, his work would draw me in, wring me out, and leave me stunned. I would binge-read one of those big, deeply involving books and loathe to put down until I'd rushed headlong through the whole thing.

It's been a while since I got that feeling, but it came rushing back when I started watching the 3-disc, 10-episode Blu-ray collection of THE OUTSIDER:THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON (Warner Bros. Home Entertainment), HBO's adaptation of the King novel in which a smalltown boy is horribly murdered in the woods by a man whose DNA and fingerprints are all over the crime scene and there are eyewitnesses who can positively identify him.

The trouble is--and this is where you can picture King gleefully setting his literary trap for us--that the man, Terry Maitland (Jason Bateman), the boy's little league baseball coach, who has a devoted wife and two daughters and has never shown any indication towards violence or untoward behavior, can also be positively identified both by eyewitnesses and video footage as being in a town 70 miles away at the exact moment the murder occurred.

Thus, the story starts out like a really puzzling murder mystery of the "locked room" variety--that is, one in which there seems to be no possible explanation even though the investigators know that, logically, there must be one. It takes a while to dawn on us and them that, in this case, the strict rules of logic aren't being followed by whoever or whatever is responsible.

I was shocked to find that the series' star, Ben Mendelsohn, played the sniveling Daggett in THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. As Ralph Anderson, lead investigator on the case, he's a solid guy we can pull for to get to the bottom of things despite his own self-doubts, even when we find him maddeningly skeptical of anything resembling the supernatural.

Ralph's wife Jeannie, played by the great Mare Winningham (an Oscar® nominee for GEORGIA), shares with him a lingering grief over the death of their own young son, making their relationship a turbulent one that is exacerbated by their current circumstances.

Of the rest of the rather large cast playing interesting and diverse smalltown personalities, the standout for me is Cynthia Erivo as the incredibly eccentric private investigator Holly Gibney.

Holly is one of those characters--like Sherlock Holmes or Hercule Poirot--whose every move and utterance holds the viewer in keen anticipation. (Clearly, Stephen King had a ball creating her, as did Erivo in bringing her to life.)

Though something of a societal misfit, maybe even an oddball, Holly has a mind like a search engine and is perceptive to the point of being psychic. These qualities tend to intimidate others and set her apart from normal society, making social interactions difficult. It also makes her a clear threat to the elusive and darkly malevolent subject of their desperate search.

When the case takes its inevitable turn toward the supernatural thanks to her dogged investigation, Holly is the one who must suffer the withering scorn of both her peers as well as the family members involved in the case who are still wracked with unrelenting grief.

King explores every detail of the emotional distress which all of the characters must bear during what will be the most grueling and ultimately horrific ordeal of their entire lives, all the while keeping us on edge waiting with bated breath for the worst to happen at every turn.

The production itself is a visual page-turner whose first couple of episodes move at a fast clip, hooking the viewer with its sensational premise. Then the whole thing slows down and settles into a maddeningly deliberate pace which makes us wait in constant suspense for each story point to unfold.

The direction is considerably well-done, often rather disorienting in that much is shown in wide, informal camera shots with few closeups, distancing us from the action and forcing us to seek out what's going on, especially in the many scenes that take place in creepy dark rooms or other murky locations.

This may, in fact, be the most darkly-lit movie I've ever seen. Often characters wander slowly through a scene in almost total darkness, making us want to scream for them to turn on a light before something jumps out at them.  It gets even worse when something indeed appears in the form of a hooded figure whom Ralph keeps insisting is merely a dream although we know he isn't.

Jason Bateman sets the standard high with his sharp and imaginative direction of the first two episodes--he's better at it than whoever directed him in the last couple of things I've seen him in--while his portrayal of accused child-murder Terry Maitland is just as expertly done.

The ten episodes are easily one of the most watchable television productions I've ever seen, climaxing with King's usual catastrophic clash between good and evil in which characters we've grown close to must die while others are irrevocably changed by the horrific experience.

I found the story's resolution more satisfying than I expected after all the build-up, and an extended denoument takes its time in decompressing us after all that tension. (Don't miss the final scene which occurs after the end credits have already begun.)

Like some of King's best older work such as "The Stand" and "It", THE OUTSIDER:THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON gives us a disparate collection of characters who eventually must come together against all odds to oppose a terrifying and seemingly invincible unknown enemy that they can barely begin to understand. As a superbly wrought work of horror-suspense cinema, this is one of the best Stephen King novels that I never read.



BONUS FEATURES

    EL CUCO. THE BABA YAGA. THE OUTSIDER – All New Featurette
    Invitation to Set
    Stephen King and The Outsider
    Jason Bateman and The Outsider
    Adapting The Outsider
    Analyzing Holly Gibney
    The Outsider: Inside Episodes 1-10

10 ONE-HOUR EPISODES

    Fish in a Barrel
    Roanoke
    Dark Uncle
    Que Viene el Coco
    Tear-Drinker
    The One About The Yiddish Vampire
    In the Pines, In the Pines
    Foxhead
    Tigers and Bears
    Must/Can't

DIGITAL
The Outsider is now available to own on Digital. Digital purchase allows consumers to instantly stream and download to watch anywhere and anytime on their favorite devices. Digital movies and TV shows are available from various digital retailers including Amazon Video, iTunes, Google Play, Vudu and others. A Digital Copy is also included with the purchase of specially marked Blu-ray discs for redemption and cloud storage.

BASICS
Street Date: June 9, 2020
Order Due Date: May 5, 2020
BD and DVD Presented in 16x9 widescreen format
Running Time: Feature: Approx. 600 min
Enhanced Content: Approx. 40 min

DVD
Price: $29.99 SRP ($34.99 in Canada)
3 DVD-9s
Audio – English (5.1), French
Subtitles – English, French

BLU-RAY
Price: $39.99 SRP ($44.99 in Canada)
3 BD-50s
Audio – DTS-HD Master Audio 5.1 – English
BD Subtitles – English, French

Read our original coverage HERE

THE OUTSIDER:THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle