SHINING SEX -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

  Originally posted on 6/24/20

 


I think it's fair to say that incredibly prolific cult filmmaker Jess Franco wrote and directed SHINING SEX (1977, Severin Films) as an excuse to closely examine the naked body of his lifelong love and artistic muse Lina Romay in what can only be described as loving detail.

Hence, the narrative consists of roughly 10% story and 90% naked Lina Romay, which is great if (a) you're really, really into Lina Romay, and (b) you enjoy just sitting back and watching compulsive film addict Franco getting his celluloid fix by thinking up different reasons to aim a camera at things.

Those things in this case would be parts of Lina Romay's body, which we get to know almost as intimately as her ob/gyn.  In fact, this film goes a long way toward making up for the fact that I never had sex education classes in school.  It's like an anatomical textbook in motion.

Of course, even Franco's simplest films usually have some kind of plot, and in this case it's the story of wildly popular nightclub dancer Cynthia (Romay), whose act consists of wearing next to nothing and rolling around on the floor in front of patrons like a kitty cat in heat, being taken to the luxurious home of an interested but strangely aloof couple.

Playfully seductive Cynthia strips off upon arrival and gets the woman, Alpha (Evelyne Scott), into bed for some girl-girl action while the man, Andros (Raymond Hardy) is supposedly off "putting the car away."

But whereas this is usually a prelude to naughty fun, we can see (even if Cynthia can't) that there's something very not right about Alpha's disaffected, almost robotic behavior.

Even her growing sexual arousal in response to Cynthia's efforts to engage her has an ominous feel to it, as the accompanying music itself sounds like something out of a Herk Harvey movie.

How much should I reveal about the rest of the plot? I like to watch movies like this without much foreknowledge, and in this case the mystery just made it that much more enjoyable. Suffice it to say that Franco takes a big left turn into sci-fi territory with elements of the mystical and the metaphysical.

All that, of course, is in service to the abundance of prolonged sex scenes, which get about as close to hardcore as I've seen in a Jess Franco movie. I'll even wager that this one would need extensive cuts to have been shown on Cinemax or the Playboy Channel back in the day.

Evelyne Scott (DEVIL'S KISS) is a commanding presence as Alpha. Monica Swinn (BARBED WIRE DOLLS) appears about halfway through as mystic Madame Pécame, who becomes involved in the paranormal goings-on along with Franco himself as Dr. Seward, head of a private psychiatric hospital. Also appearing are Olivier Mathot (THE SADIST OF NOTRE DAME) and Elmos Kallman.

The 2-disc Blu-ray from Severin contains a CD of music from this and other Franco films. The uncensored print has been scanned from the original negative. Soundtrack is English 2.0 mono with English subtitles. A slipcover features different artwork than the box itself.

Bonus features include "In the Land of Franco, Part 3" with Stephen Thrower, an interview with Thrower entitled "Shining Jess", "Never Met Franco" with filmmaker Gerald Kikoine, "Filmmaker Christopher Gans on France", Commentary with scholars Robert Monell and Rod Barnett, some very explicit outtakes, and a trailer.

While the sci-fi angle gets nuttier (and the sex kinkier) as it goes along, there's always the spectacle of Jess Franco's beloved Lina languishing in the nude and getting ravished by everyone in sight. If you're not a Francophile, this will probably mean very little to you. But for those to whom every aspect of the director's career evokes endless fascination, SHINING SEX will prove evocative indeed.


2-Disc Blu-ray Featuring Limited Edition Slipcover
Limited to 1500 copies

Slipcover art:

SHINING SEX -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

SINFONIA EROTICA -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 3/23/18

 

Spanish director Jess Franco burned his way through cinema like a fuse, voracious and volatile, leaving the ashes of his endeavor in his wake for us to sift through.

Much of it is of mere passing note to me, interesting only to see what such a prolific filmmaker produces when free to work fast and furious and pour out his id on film with little or no restraint.
 
But with this outpouring comes the occasional work that demands my attention and admiration (VAMPYROS LESBOS, SHE KILLED IN ECSTASY, COUNT DRACULA), and one such example is his 1980 anti-romantic, anti-erotic sexual nightmare SINFONIA EROTICA (Severin Films), based upon the writings of the Marquis de Sade. 

Franco's real-life love and muse Lina Romay (THE HOT NIGHTS OF LINDA, PAULA-PAULA) plays Martine de Bressac, returning home after months of confinement to a sanitarium by her husband, the Marqués Armando de Bressac (Armando Borges).

During her absence Armando has acquired and become addicted to a seductive, effeminate male lover named Flor (Mel Rodrigo), both of whom taunt and torture poor Martine with their flagrant contempt for both her emotional needs and urgent sexual desires.

Norma (Susan Hemingway), a timid young escapee from a nunnery, is found lying unconscious on the grounds during one of Armando and Flor's nature romps, and is taken in to become a part of their cruel sexual games. 

She ends up falling in love with Flor, and the two of them plan to not only aid in Armando's plan to murder Martine but to then get rid of Armando himself, leaving them free to run away together. Martine's only allies during all this are a sympathetic maid and a psychiatrist who may or may not believe her story.

Needless to say, SINFONIA EROTICA belies its opulent Victorian romance novel setting--Franco shot it in Portugal using gorgeous mansion interiors and magnificent exterior locations--with fervid, disturbing images of mental and physical cruelty in the form of ugly, non-erotic sex. 

When Franco makes a sex movie instead of a horror movie, the sex seems to replace the horror, or rather it becomes another kind of horror, of a deeper and more Freudian kind.

Here, he gives us a perversely erotic thriller that hates sex even as it's preoccupied with exploring Lina Romay's offbeat beauty and ample breasts as well as showing various joyless lovers rutting like animals in scenes that waver between softcore and hardcore action.

Although involved in several projects at the time (including THE SADIST OF NOTRE DAME and TWO FEMALE SPIES WITH FLOWERED PANTIES), Franco seems neither rushed nor slapdash here, despite his usual shakily handheld camera. 

He lingers over his finely-rendered, sometimes impressionistic imagery as though following a deeply-pondered train of thought, and many of the shots are arranged with both a painter's sensibilities and a perceptive filmmaker's orchestration of character and movement.

Romay is at her best as Martine, looking strangely enticing at all times while also surrendering to the role with an intensity that evokes excitement and sympathy for her character. 

As Armando, Borges plays the heartless cad to a tee, relishing his own sadistic impulses which will eventually include coldblooded murder, which Franco depicts in non-graphic yet chilling style.

But the lack of graphic violence is made up for by the horrific depiction of sex and sexual desire as a Freudian nightmare that leads to madness when infused with malevolence and perversion.

Severin's Blu-ray disc (also available in DVD) is a 4k restoration of an uncut 35mm print which is the only known copy of this cut to exist.  There are some rough spots here and there, but, as I've often said, I prefer for a wizened exploitation print such as this to look like it's been around the block a few times. Otherwise, picture quality is fine. The soundtrack is in Spanish with English captions.

The visually rich fever dream that is SINFONIA EROTICA draws us into Martine's dark, corrupting psycho-sexual ordeal and has its way with us until somebody dies.
 

Special Features:
Jess Franco On First Wife Nicole Guettard – Interview With Director Jess Franco
Stephen Thrower On Sinfonia Erotica – Interview With The Author Of ‘Murderous Passions – The Delirious Cinema Of Jesus Franco’

SINFONIA EROTICA -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

EMANUELLE AND FRANCOISE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 4/27/19

 

Is "Cinemax After Dark" still a thing? I remember in the 80s when HBO's sister channel Cinemax would show softcore sex comedies and thrillers during the late-night hours. Director Joe D'Amato's EMANUELLE AND FRANCOISE, aka "Emanuelle's Revenge" and "Blood Revenge" (Severin Films, 1975), is a lot like what would happen if one of those softcore sex thrillers had a head-on collision with one of the director's celebrated blood 'n' guts gore epics. 

Francoise (Patrizia Gori, WAR OF THE ROBOTS, DEADLY CHASE) is a cute, chipper fashion model whose life would be sunshine and lollipops if her live-in boyfriend Carlo (well-played by George Eastman of D'Amato's ABSURD and ANTROPOPHAGUS) weren't such a horrible cad.

 

Not only does he make her have sex with guys he owes money to, but when she walks in on him getting it on with another woman, his response is to stuff her clothes in a suitcase and toss her out on her ear.  Poor heartbroken Francoise goes straight to the nearest train track and throws herself in front of the next speeding locomotive.

Enter Francoise's worldly older sister Emanuelle (Rosemarie Lindt, SALON KITTY, PORNO-EROTIC WESTERN), who, after reading Francoise's novella-length suicide note, vows revenge against Carlo. 

She contrives to meet him and then leads him on until he ends up in her trap--a secret prison cell behind a sliding wall in her living room, with a two-way mirror through which chained-up Carlo must watch her indulge in the culinary and sexual delights he is now denied (with a much harsher final punishment reserved for the end).

The film is an example of how capable director Joe D'Amato (THE ALCOVE, ABSURD, ANTROPOPHAGUS, BEYOND THE DARKNESS, EMANUELLE AND THE LAST CANNIBALS) was at handling this sort of sexy potboiler, which has the look of one of the better low-budget Italian films of its kind being produced during that era. 

There's a good deal of nudity and sexual activity, from Francoise's unfortunate encounters to Emanuelle herself cavorting with various male and female partners for Carlo to see.  Rosemarie Lindt, not exactly the kind of woman I picture when I hear the name "Emanuelle", is a good actress with sort of an Honor Blackman quality.

Co-written by D'Amato and Bruno Mattei (SHOCKING DARK, ZOMBIE 3, ZOMBIE 4), the film resembles a giallo much of the time, but what really plunges it into horror territory is when Carlo, forced to watch as his captor and her guests gorge themselves on an elegant candlelight dinner, imagines them feasting on human body parts.  Thus we see these sophisticated diners happily chomping away on severed hands, feet, and various other carnal delicacies rarely seen outside of a zombie flick.

A later scene (which may or may not be a hallucination) finds Carlo on the loose after escaping his secret room and attacking Emanuelle with a meat cleaver.  This scene consists mainly of Lindt rolling around nude in a gallon or two of fake blood while a crazed Eastman swings the meat cleaver, which doesn't look very convincing but is certainly lively and fun to watch.

Things finally come to a head when Emanuelle decides it's time for Carlo to pay the ultimate price (I'll give you three guesses what that is), leading to an entertaining final sequence with a pleasing twist ending.  It's more of a kick in the rear than a gut punch, but fans of both sexy thrillers and gruesome gorefests should find that EMANUELLE AND FRANCOISE fits the bill on both counts. 



Buy it at Severin Films

Street date: April 30, 2019

Special Features:
    Three Women and a Mirror: Interview With Actress Maria Rosaria Riuzzi
    The Other Side of the Mirror: Interview With Actor George Eastman
    Deleted/Alternate scenes
    Trailer
    2k Scan From Original Negative
    Reversible Cover

EMANUELLE AND FRANCOISE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

MONDO FREUDO/ MONDO BIZARRO -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 1/29/19
 

MONDO BIZARRO (1966)

In 1962, exploitation filmmakers had a massive surprise hit with the shock-u-mentary MONDO CANE (Italian for "Dog's World"), a showcase for the twisted,  bizarre, and exotic things that go on in the world.  Audiences didn't know or care that the actual footage was heavily augmented with obviously staged material, and it was such a success that it even scored an Oscar for Best Song ("More").

As you might guess, this was followed by scores of imitations including 1966's MONDO BIZARRO (Severin Films). Producers Bob Cresse and Lee Frost spared every expense to put together a mixed bag of shocking sex and violence vignettes from around the world, or rather from in and around the Hollywood area with lots of stock footage of foreign countries to give things a faux international flavor.

The result is an interesting look at what audiences found shocking in 1966 and what exploitation filmmakers were allowed to get away with in terms of sex, violence, and forbidden content.

We the audience are invited to view it all as vicarious voyeurs, sometimes by means of a supposed super-powered telescopic lens (with infra-red capabilities for night shooting) that brings us up close to such forbidden nocturnal activities as a voodoo ritual in the Bahamas and half-naked lovers cavorting on a dark beach somewhere in California.

The most authentic footage is found in a sequence about spring break on the California coast, in which we see real-life mid-sixties teens blowing into town by the hundreds to engage in bacchanalian revelries.

There's also a lengthy bit which simply invites us to gaze at bikini-clad babes sunbathing on a public beach, and a profile of a man who lies on a bed of nails and pushes long needles through his cheeks (this part is disturbingly real). This is followed by a man who eats glass, although I'm betting this guy's not the real deal.

MONDO BIZARRO gets going when it starts focusing on sex, beginning with the relatively innocuous with a day in the bustling Frederick's of Hollywood mail order room (complete with models showing off their latest fashions for us) and night footage of various prostitutes, male and female, plying their wares on Hollywood Boulevard. There's also a few scenes of nude body painting, art classes with a nude model, and a beatnik photog snapping a topless dancing girl.

More endearing fakery comes with a naive guy's first visit to a massage parlor (supposedly in the Far East), which we witness through a one-way mirror. Already this technique has been used in the film's opening as supposedly unsuspecting women are filmed, again through one-way glass, stripping off in a dressing room with their eyes crudely obscured for anonymity.

The really dark side of sex comes into play with a trip to "Berlin" where leering audience members relive the glories of the Third Reich by gleefully watching a play about a Jewish girl who is kidnapped, stripped naked, and whipped as Hitler's recorded voice blares out. 

The film ends with a lengthy slave auction in which California's Bronson Canyon doubles as the Middle East and our high-tech telescopic lens captures wealthy sheiks bidding on hapless, naked slave girls who are brought out one at a time from their cages on the back of a truck (their lower regions crudely obscured to avoid obscenity charges). 

Cresse's sober voiceover observations ("To a maggot, the cadaver is infinity") add extra camp-humor icing to the cake.  While much of this sounds horrifically unsuitable for decent folk to watch (though it must've been irresistibly titillating to audiences at the time), the fact that it's all so wonderfully fake is what now gives MONDO BIZARRO its substantial entertainment value.


MONDO FREUDO (1966)

The second shock-doc on Severin's double-feature Blu-ray disc is the follow-up, MONDO FREUDO (also from 1966), which is more of the same but with even greater emphasis on the dark side of sex.

As with MONDO BIZARRO, the most true-to-life stuff involves real-life teenagers out for a good time.  Here, they're shown riding around up and down Hollywood Boulevard at night (for no apparent reason other than it's a fun thing to do) and hanging out in Watusi clubs.

The film then wastes little time steering us into a strip club where we get to watch a dancer named "Baby Bubbles" do her thing. While the club looks suspiciously like the same soundstage where almost every other such scene in these two "Mondo" films takes place, the dancer herself is a knockout (we'll see her again).

The same can't be said for all of the supposed prostitutes on display at other clubs (this time in both Tijuana and jolly old England, we're told), who pose as dancers while actually advertising themselves to potential clients. 

We learn that as long as they're wearing outfits that can be purchased in a store, they qualify as "models" and can therefore legally display their naughty bits for an audience. Makes sense, I guess!

More slave auctions take place, this time in Mexico, with more nudity and more of that odd film-scratching effect to obscure the more forbidden zones.  Then, a lengthy visit to a black mass ritual takes up much of the film's latter half, with a woman who appears to be "Baby Bubbles" herself writhing vigorously in black undies (once again, she's a total knockout) before helping to initiate another woman into the cult during a blood ceremony. 

My enjoyment of both documentaries was greatly increased upon second viewing thanks to the commentary tracks by Johnny Legend and Eric Caidin, whose humorous remarks on the onscreen action and first-hand stories about the times and places involved are as entertaining as the films themselves.  Also of much interest is an informative featurette, "The Cadaver Is Infinity: Bob Cresse, Lee Frost, and the Birth of American Mondo", featuring Chris Poggiali. 

Much of the lurid material in MONDO FREUDO/MONDO BIZARRO seems relatively tame these days, but it's interesting to see what was once considered so shockingly taboo to movie audiences.  (Admittedly, some of it still is, and viewer discretion is advised.)  But whether you're shocked, titillated, or simply moved to laughter, chances are you'll have a mondo good time watching.


Buy it from Severin Films

Special Features:
4K Scans From Original "Something Weird" Vault Negatives
Audio Commentary with Johnny Legend and Eric Caidin
The Cadaver Is Infinity: Bob Cresse, Lee Frost and the Birth of American Mondo – Interview With Chris Poggiali
Mondo Bizarro Trailer
Mondo Freudo Trailer
English Subtitles

MONDO FREUDO/ MONDO BIZARRO -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

AUSTRALIA AFTER DARK -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/13/11

 

If you're in the mood for something spicy, saucy, and hot, try some buffalo wings.  Otherwise, you may prefer AUSTRALIA AFTER DARK (1975), one of the dullest schock-u-mentaries ever.  It's like cashing in all your boredom points and taking a cross-country bus ride to Yawnsville.

Ozploitation director John Lamond, who would later give us NIGHTMARES (so to speak) and FELICITY, leads us on a MONDO CANE-inspired tour through the down-under of Down Under with this disjointed cinematic grab bag.  Opening with what looks like a poor man's Bond-movie titles sequence (nude blonde slowly rotates against black backdrop as strobe light flashes) and some understandably sad-looking aborigines, we're then treated to a leisurely succession of unrelated vignettes ranging in interest from slight to none, roughly half of which involve naked people. 

Unfortunately, Lamond's lens seems to have attracted some of the homeliest 'roo babes in Ozzie Land like moths to a flame, and some of them brought their butt-nekkid boyfriends with them.  As the monotonous narrator drones relentlessly on, we watch them sunbathing in the nude, swimming in the nude, painting each other's nude bodies, and nuding it up during Satan-worshipping rituals and custom bikini fittings.
 


The low-budget cinematography and painful 70s fashions combine with the meandering narrative to create an effect that's strangely enervating.  A promising drive through the King's Cross district (sort of like Times Square in its sleazy days) leads to a body-painting segment that resembles an old Alka-Seltzer ad.  A visit to a gathering of sado-masochists ends just as someone's being racked up, then segues into a study of ancient aboriginal rock paintings, a tour of the gallows at Old Melbourne Gaol, and an upper-class restaurant that serves snakes and grubs.  It's kind of like watching "History Channel After Dark."

More weirdly boring stuff includes a bunch of beer-guzzling losers in a field betting on a game in which they toss coins onto an outstretched blanket, followed by some waterless boat races held in an arid region (even during this non-sexual sequence, the camera lingers under a stairway and peeks up the skirts of passing girls like a dirty old man).  Then, before we've had a chance to catch our breath, the film whisks us out to the airport to watch planes taxi around for awhile.  It's exciting because this is how jet-setters travel to different places!

After tattling on the inordinate alcoholic intake (52 gallons per person annually) in Australia's Northern territories and showing us more sad aborigines boozing their troubles away, we go to the country's gay capitol, Perth, to witness (gasp) two guys getting married.  This sequence proves once and for all that gay weddings are just as boring as straight ones, and we don't even get cake.  A sexually-ambiguous stripper performs, then a woman talks about all the "saucer craft" that have landed in her field as we see a montage of familiar UFO photographs.



Things start to heat up a tad when a naked blonde is tied to an inverted cross and boffed by a guy in a fright mask (it's those pesky Satan-worshippers I mentioned before).  A lengthy stretch near the end tries to regain our dwindling attention by focusing entirely on nude women engaged in various activities such as bathing in milk and mud (the latter being a spiritual return to the primordial slime or whatever) and having guys slurp food off their bodies.  Dispensing with the subject of Australia altogether, the narrator then gives us a lecture on what a "fetish" is while a lingerie-clad woman poses.

In the penultimate segment, we meet transvestite oddball Count Cornelius, who is what you might call a "lifestyle comedian."  The Count amuses himself by spouting proclamations ("Beautiful schoolgirls remind me of sexy nuns") and festooning his environment with placards containing "Laugh-In" style one-liners.  Talk about After-Darksville!  The film mercifully draws to a close at last with some relaxing shots of a nude Gina Allen snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef with some fish, as the narrator informs us that she's returning to--you guessed it--the primordial something or other.

After trying to find a way to enjoy this movie--the usually surefire "so bad it's good" deal wasn't working here--I finally realized that a trancelike surrender is required to endure it, much like the educational films they tried to bore us to death with in grade school (only with more full-frontal nudity).  One of the nicer things about AUSTRALIA AFTER DARK is that the score seems to have been gleaned from the same music library used by the better porn filmmakers of the 70s.

The DVD from Intervision is "fully restored from a print discovered in the cellar of the Lower Wonga Drive-In" and is widescreen with Dolby Digital 2.0 sound.  There's an audio commentary with director Lamond and "Not Quite Hollywood" director Mark Hartley, but my copy of the DVD seems to be missing the trailer reel mentioned on the box. 

About as shocking and titillating as a pile of wet socks, AUSTRALIA AFTER DARK does boast a kind of tranquil monotony, and is, in the words of Douglas Adams, "mostly harmless."  Finally making it to the end credits is a catharsis similar to walking out of the hospital after a long stay--you feel weak as a kitten but pleasantly relieved that it's over.

AUSTRALIA AFTER DARK -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE ABC OF LOVE AND SEX AUSTRALIA STYLE -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/18/11

 

Ozploitation director John D. Lamond returns to titillate us once again with 1978's THE ABC OF LOVE AND SEX AUSTRALIA STYLE, a by-the-letters primer on "doin' it" that manages the remarkable feat of making sex boring.

Unlike the previous Lamond documentary we talked about, AUSTRALIA AFTER DARK, this one eschews the scattershot approach and focuses on a single subject.  Assuming we know little or nothing about it ourselves, the film opens during Professor Leonard Lovitt's sex education class for kids and invites us to join them in listening to his lecture.  This sequence is done with stop-motion animated puppets and is pretty much the only marginally charming part of the whole thing. 

As the professor starts his projector, the film proper begins with two women in leotards dancing badly around some giant alphabet blocks to an innocuous disco tune.  This gives way to a letter-by-letter journey through the alphabet beginning with "A" for "anatomy", in which we're introduced to the differences between male and female genitalia.  (More on that when we get to the letter "G.")  "B" is for "birth", offering some extreme close-ups of a nursing baby that had me thinking, "Huh?"

 

"C" for "contraceptive" seems to be an excuse for some product placement along the lines of the "Budget Rent-a-Car" shots in AUSTRALIA AFTER DARK, and "D" for "dreams" informs us that people like to dream about sex.  Surprisingly, "E" for "erotic", while managing to define the word, comes up short actually demonstrating it.  An attempt to mimic the "erotic" eating scene in TOM JONES consists of two stiffs staring meaningfully at each other while gnashing chicken, grapes, and bananas in an affected manner.  

Elsewhere, another couple pretend to have oral sex in a movie theater--mainly we just see the guy's face--and then join the "mile-high club" by kissing real hard in an airplane.  Kissing real hard seems to be the prevalent means of simulating the sex act in many of these vignettes. 

"F" for "fun" shows us a couple of people hopping around in a bubble bath.  "H" for "homosexual" is an excuse to indulge in "funny" stereotypes as a bunch of queens camp it up during a gay party, followed by a somewhat more enjoyable lesbian encounter.  "Innocence" is equated with "ignorance" as virginity gets the bird.  The scenario used to illustrate "J" for "jealousy", in which a woman tries to pick up a man in a bar, is intended as a startling role-reversal while having nothing at all to do with "jealousy."  As you might guess, "K" for "kiss" shows various couples kissing real hard.

Onward we slog through the rest of the letters as "love", "masturbation", something starting with an "N" that I can't recall, and of course the big "O" are similarly dramatised in lighthearted but relentlessly dull fashion as narrators Michael Cole and Sandy Gore drone monotonously.  This isn't just a parody of a dry, clinical sex manual--it often comes off as one, even throwing in the occasional comment by some Swedish sexologist who resembles Quasimodo's mom.  For anyone actually trying to get off to this movie, her appearances would be the equivalent of thinking about baseball. 

 

It's hard to imagine this tepid pseudo-educational film appealing to the raincoat crowd, though, or even the "watch naughty movies on cable after Mom and Dad have gone to bed" faction.  Observing various (mainly unattractive) couples acting out the enervating voiceover isn't the kind of thing one might want to use as a sex aid, or see at a drive-in or grindhouse.  So who the heck is this largely unerotic sex movie meant to appeal to?  Even the captive audience of an actual "Introduction to Sex" class would find it hard to sit through.

Aside from a snippet of cuteness here and there (the elevator-sex scene reaches the film's peak of verbal humor by deftly including the words "lift" and "elevate" in the narration), the only interest is in the brief bits of nudity, including, at around the halfway point, some actual shots of penetration. 

However, for any couples desperate enough to be using this film to put a cheerful charge into their love life, up jumps "R" for "rape" to throw some cold water on it with a jarringly out-of-place lapse into grim seriousness.  Lamond cheats a bit by giving us "X" for "excellence", and then "Y" for "you" gives him an excuse to recap the entire film with a montage of scenes that were already dull the first time.  As for "Z"...well, he couldn't think of anything for "Z."  What about "zipper"?  Or "zoo"?  Okay, maybe not "zoo."

The DVD from Intervision Picture Corp. is widescreen with Dolby 2.0 sound.  No subtitles.  There's a commentary with director Lamond and "Not Quite Hollywood" director Mark Hartley.  The box mentions a trailer reel but I couldn't find one.

A mildly interesting peek at 70s sexual mores and dull filmmaking, THE ABC OF LOVE AND SEX AUSTRALIA STYLE (which, incidentally, has absolutely nothing to do with Australia) pits lots of nudity and some brief scenes of hardcore sex against unrelenting boredom in a touch-and-go battle that left me teetering on the edge of indifference.  Around about the twentieth time some random couple was shown toying with each other's buttons and kissing real hard, I found myself wishing the alphabet wasn't so darn long.

 

THE ABC OF LOVE AND SEX AUSTRALIA STYLE -- DVD Review by Porfle

BRIDES OF BLOOD -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 Originally posted 11/10/2018

 

As the first film in the "Blood Island" trilogy, which was kicked off nine years earlier by its unofficial prequel "Terror Is a Man", the American-Filipino co-production BRIDES OF BLOOD (Severin Films, 1968) gets this particular horror cycle off to a lively, lurid, and very colorful start that's nothing if not wildly frenetic and fun.

("Terror Is a Man" and the entire "Blood Island" trilogy are now available in the 4-volume Blu-ray set from Severin Films, "The Blood Island Collection." Each film is also available separately. )

This time the island is inhabited by a tribe of natives who are regularly attacked by a terrifying jungle monster that is only appeased when they sacrifice their lovely young maidens to it two at a time.  Lashed to poles and stripped, the unfortunate lasses await the toothy, snarling beast who then has its horrible way with them before ripping them to pieces.

None of which sets well with idealistic young Peace Corps worker Jim Farrell (John Ashley), who arrives at the island to oversee various work projects and promptly falls in love with native girl Alma (Eva Darren), who, naturally, promptly becomes one of the next women chosen as a sacrifice to the jungle monster.

Also getting involved are seasoned research scientist Dr. Paul Henderson (Kent Taylor) and his neglected, sex-starved, and rather voluptuous wife Carla (exotic dancer-turned-actress Beverly Hills).  Dr. Henderson is interested in gauging the effects of nuclear tests on the islands in the area.

The three outsiders soon meet Estaban Powers (Mario Montenegro), a wealthy gentleman who invites them into his nearby mansion which is stocked with all manner of odd servants including the ogre-like Goro.  He seems nice and hospitable enough, but there's something off about him that won't become blindingly obvious until later.

Meanwhile, Powers shows the astonished outsiders some of the surrounding jungle's bizarre features, which include snakelike vines and tree tentacles which are alive and very carnivorous (all due, of course, to those nuclear tests and their radiation).  When these puppet-like tentacles get riled up, they give the living forest in THE EVIL DEAD a real run for its money.

With such a set-up, it doesn't take long for BRIDES OF BLOOD to become a free-for-all of mutated flora and fauna attacks (even the butterflies and cockroaches get into the act) along with a deadly conflict between Jim Farrell and the natives when he rescues his love Alma from the jungle monster's hungry clutches and both must flee for their lives.

Meanwhile, the mansion serves as a backdrop for sexual tension with poor Carla wandering around looking for love after trying in vain to arouse her husband and continuously throwing herself at Mr. Powers.  This works out nicely for the viewer since the generously-endowed Beverly Hills (aka Beverly Powers) is very easy on the eyes.

Some long, talky sequences soon give way to lots of action, especially when the slavering, comically-outlandish jungle monster is ready for its closeups.  This thing has to be seen to be believed--it's like a big, mutant escapee from a deranged Sid and Marty Krofft series and is constantly bellowing for victims to ravage and rend asunder.

Production values are pretty good although not as polished as those of its predecessor, "Terror Is a Man."  In color this time, the film is loaded with action that's vividly staged and fast-moving.  Graphic violence consists mainly of quick glimpses of body parts and such.  Nudity is also brief and seen mainly from a distance.  

Kent Taylor played in lots of prestigious films in his career but I think of him most fondly in stuff like THE CRAWLING HAND, THE DAY MARS INVADED EARTH, and this.  Beverly Hills, who lent her talent and looks to a wide array of films such as SPEEDWAY and I'LL TAKE SWEDEN, is ideal as the sexy wife.

Best of all is the great John Ashley, former teen idol and star of such classics as FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER, HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER, and the legendary "Beach Party" series.

The Blu-ray from Severin Films features a 4k scan from a recently discovered 35mm interpositive and is presented absolutely uncut for the first time ever.  The usual bundle of bonus features includes:

Audio Commentary with Hemisphere Marketing Consultant Samuel M. Sherman
Jungle Fury: Archival Interview with Co-Director Eddie Romero
Here Comes the Bride: Interview with Hemisphere Marketing Consultant Samuel M. Sherman
Beverly Hills on Blood Island: Interview with Actress Beverly Powers a.k.a. Beverly Hills
Alternate BRIDES OF BLOOD ISLAND Title Sequence and JUNGLE FURY Title Card
Teaser Trailer
Trailer
Poster & Still Gallery
Reversible ISLAND OF LIVING HORROR Cover  

Not quite a top-drawer production, BRIDES OF BLOOD is still technically far superior to the gore-drenched jungle exploitation dreck we'd start to see in the coming decades.  Thanks largely to its great cast and freewheeling style, it's a barrel of fun from start to finish.


Buy "The Blood Island Collection" at Severin Films

Buy "Brides of Blood" at Severins Films

BRIDES OF BLOOD -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

MASSACRE IN DINOSAUR VALLEY -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

 

Originally posted on 9/23/20

 

Just to clear things up, there ain't no dinosaurs in MASSACRE IN DINOSAUR VALLEY (Severin Films, 1985), so all you Ray Harryhausen and Willis O'Brien fans can scratch that off your list of reasons why you might want to watch this movie. There aren't even any iguanas with fins glued on their backs waddling around on a tabletop jungle set.

What there is, however, might very well appeal to you anyway if you're into jungle adventures with plenty of action, violence, gorgeous babes, manly heroes, sadistic cannibals, and that always-unbeatable combination of nudity and gore.

What's more, the overracting, bad Italian-movie-style dubbing, and very low-budget filmmaking might even satisfy your bad-movie sweet tooth, although this lively effort is (a) not all that bad, and (b) by no means dull. 

 

In fact, once our expedition of disparate character types survive a chartered plane crash in the Brazilian jungle (which is surprisingly well-staged) and find themselves in a desperate struggle to survive all its many dangers (including the aforementioned cannibals), this flick tends to get downright riveting at times.

Those various characters include the handsome, two-fisted young paleontologist Kevin (Michael Sopkiw, BLASTFIGHTER, KILLER FISH), a venerable professor and his beautiful but reserved daughter Eva (as Susane Carvall), Viet Nam vet Capt. John Heinz (Milton Rodríguez) and his hateful ex-wife Betty (Marta Anderson, BARE BEHIND BARS).

There's also a naughty photographer and his two sexy models, and a shady pilot whose inferior flying skills plus some freak turbulence get them all stuck slogging through the jungle in the first place.

Before that, the film establishes itself as having a lighthearted streak with dinosaur bone hunter Kevin bopping around Brazil with no money but a way with the ladies. He also gets into a humorous brawl with two guys who are each two feet taller than he is, and has a sexy encounter with one of the models which is just the first taste of nudity and softcore sex that the film has to offer.

After the plane crash, he and ex-Green Beret Capt. Heinz supply the movie with its maximum daily requirement of testosterone as they battle for leadership of the ragtag group in a fight to the death that is interrupted by a cannibal attack that results in a very entertaining and somewhat colorful reduction of the sizable cast one screaming character at a time.

Of course, we get the standard sequence in which the ladies are dressed in revealing ceremonial garb and tied up in the middle of camp for some good old cannibal fun and games which include the usual horrific stuff that we've sat through the previous half of the movie to see. 

This leads to an exciting escape thanks to the ever-stalwart Kevin and a frenzied pursuit through perilous jungle and raging river, with our heroes little suspecting that they're headed straight for an even more dangerous encounter with white jungle crime lord China (Andy Silas) in his secluded plantation where slaves mine diamonds and his lesbian henchwoman Myara (Gloria Cristal) helps him ravish all female captives before executing them in not-so-nice ways.

The Blu-ray from Severin Films is scanned uncut in 4k from the original negative. In addition to a trailer, Italian main titles, and some deleted scenes, the extras menu includes the very engaging "Valley Boy – Interview with Actor Michael Sopkiw" (Kevin) and "Lost in Brazil – Interview with Co-Writer Dardano Sacchetti." The special edition Blu-ray features a slipcover and different box art.

What director Michele Massimo Tarantini (as Michael E. Lemick) lacks in finesse, he more than compensates for with an ability to stage big frenetic action and mayhem by making the most of his meager budget in imaginative ways. In other words, MASSACRE IN DINOSAUR VALLEY should give those receptive to such slapdash fun more than enough to tickle their funny bones.


Buy it at Severin Films

Special edition with slipcover


Special Features:

    Valley Boy – Interview with Actor Michael Sopkiw
    Lost in Brazil – Interview with Co-Writer Dardano Sacchetti
    Deleted and Extended Scenes Reel
    Trailer
    Italian credits
    Reversible Wrap
    Exclusive Slipcover (not on standard edition)



Special edition/slipcover art:

 

MASSACRE IN DINOSAUR VALLEY -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

VENICE UNDERGROUND -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/20/11

 

The first thing I thought after watching VENICE UNDERGROUND (2005) for a couple of minutes was, "This looks like an episode of a TV series."  But after awhile I began to realize that if this were indeed the pilot for a series, no network executive in his right mind would pick it up.  In fact, if your dad had followed you around with a movie camera when you were a kid and filmed you and your friends playing cops and robbers, he would probably accidentally make a better movie than this one.

A prologue takes us to the office of police captain John Sullivan (veteran character actor Ed Lauter) as the mayor chews him out over the phone because of the ongoing carnage caused by two Venice Beach gangs, the Northside Surf Crew and the Southside Crips, who are waging an ongoing battle to control the local drug trade.  It seems like a hopeless situation until one of his underlings, an ambitious young sergeant named Frank Mills (Randall Batinkoff), waltzes in with a peach of a idea -- they will pluck a group of raw but attractive cadets out of the police academy, set them up in a beach house, and have them go undercover! 

That, of course, will be a lot better than putting experienced cops on the case, because, as Mills explains:  "The kids are all instinct and street smarts.  They know no boundaries."  Visions of "The Mod Squad" and "21 Jump Street" begin to dance around in Capt. Sullivan's head, with a little "Charlie's Angels" and "Baywatch Nights" thrown in for good measure.  What a great idea!

With their origin story out of the way even before the day-glo main titles have hippity-hopped their way across the screen, we are thrust right into the non-action as we join the J.N.F. (Junior Narc Force) keeping tabs on various gang members and trying to fathom their nefarious activities.  But they must deal with their own raging hormones as well, as Agent Tyler (Jodi Lyn O'Keefe) jealously observes her heartthrob, Agent Gary (a not-looking-too-good-these-days Edward Furlong), cavorting with a bikini babe.  It's all part of his cover, of course, but darn it, he just seems to be enjoying it a little too much.



Meanwhile, Agent Samantha (Nichole Hiltz) just failed her home pregnancy test, and isn't quite sure whether the father is Agent Danny (Eric Mabius), who wants to marry her, or good ol' Sergeant Mills, who just can't seem to keep his own member away from certain other members of the task force. 

These romantic entanglements play like a bad script from "Beverly Hills, 90210" performed by a grade school theater group, and the scenes of actual detective work that we witness from time to time seem to have been inspired by random episodes of "Scooby-Doo."  They even have their own mystery-mobile, a candy-apple red, mid-60s Mustang convertible, in which they all sit in broad daylight brandishing their guns as if to announce to any passing bad guys, "Yes, we are undercover narcs." 

Amazingly, though, no one ever figures this out, except for a mysterious figure who seems to anticipate their every move as he secretly watches them through blurry POV-shots like a stalker in a slasher flick, and, early in the story, actually kills one of them with his gold-plated revolver.  Who is this unknown enemy?  You're not supposed to know until the end, so try to act surprised.  Here's a hint:  it isn't the old caretaker at the haunted amusement park.

Director Eric DelaBarre is your basic point-and-shoot man but tries to "hip" things up with shaky camerawork, scattershot editing, and various other effects cribbed from music videos.  The acting, except from old pro Ed Lauter and Robert Rodriguez stock player Danny Trejo, is hopelessly amateurish, and the dialogue they're forced to recite is frequently laughable. 

This film resembles the kind of cheap exploitation flick they used to show on USA's "Up All Night" -- you know, the ones with all the good R-rated nudity and violence cut out and just the boring junk left in, although a few bare boobies make a cameo appearance about halfway through.  Soon after that we see a brief fistfight, and then later there's a small shootout, and at the end the mystery bad guy gets shot and a car blows up.  Actionwise, that's about it. 

I kept thinking about what Andy Sidaris, the guy responsible for all those great low-budget sex-and-violence thrillers like PICASSO TRIGGER and SAVAGE BEACH, could've done with a premise like this.  He wasn't a great filmmaker, but at least he gave us something fun to look at. VENICE UNDERGROUND barely even makes an effort.

 

VENICE UNDERGROUND -- Movie Review by Porfle

THAT'S SEXPLOITATION! -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 4/1/16

 

If you recognized the lovely face of 50s burlesque star Tempest Storm on the cover and it made you smile, then chances are Severin's new Blu-ray release of THAT'S SEXPLOITATION! (2013) will be right up your grindhouse aisle.

Host Frank Henenlotter, writer and director of the cult classic BASKET CASE, not only performs the same duties here but also gets his friend David F. Friedman to appear on-camera throughout. 

Friedman, as many will know, was the veteran producer/showman who gave us such films as BLOOD FEAST and was integral in supplying the roadshow crowd with many of their favorite nudie flicks over the years.

Sitting amidst his own personal gallery of priceless movie posters and memorabilia, Friedman's equally priceless recollections offer colorful firsthand accounts of the history of sexploitation films while we get to watch one great clip after another.

This history of naughty movies begins with those wonderfully ancient-looking silent loops from the 20s, which feature some very cute (and not-so-cute) young ladies cavoting in the forest as wood nymphs, skinny-dipping in someone's swimming pool, or taking part in a variety of other charming vignettes. 

There's full nudity but it's downright tasteful compared to what later years would bring.  These early nudie films were usually distributed in 16mm for private showings to adult (usually all-male) audiences before the advent of adult theaters.



The documentary takes us into the world of the sexploitation pictures of the 30s and 40s (such as HIGH SCHOOL GIRL and SEX MADNESS) which presented audiences with the most lurid tales of sex, drugs, abortion, and venereal disease under the guise of instructive cautionary screeds and "hygiene" films.

Then we get a pictorial tour of the nudist camp frolics of the 50s, with healthy, robust nudes reveling in the joys of sunshine and nature for our leering pleasure, courtesy of such directors as Herschel Gordon Lewis, Russ Meyer, Doris Wishman, and Francis Ford Coppola. 

There's also a sampling of the burlesque flicks which were basically filmed records of the typical burlesque shows of the era.  These feature such recognizable faces and bodies such as Tempest Storm, Bettie Page, and Blaze Starr in addition to numerous less-renowned dancers. 

Things really heat up with Friedman's favorite decade, the 60s, which he refers to as "the decade of innocent decadence."  In addition to the usual nudie loops there was the new mix of sex and violence known as "roughies" as well as an increasingly daring amount of full nudity and simulated sex. 

Meanwhile, homosexuality was explored mainly in the New York underground film scene, while the current culture of hippies, drugs, and rebellion provided experimental young directors with ample subject matter for their nude fantasies. 

The documentary ends on a melancholy note as the decade of the 70s heralds the gradual changeover from titillating exploitation to anything-goes hardcore.  As Friedman wistfully puts it, "The movies became explicit, and the fun stopped."

For those watching this disc, however, the fun's just beginning.  For the extras menu, Something Weird Video has opened up their vaults to offer us over three hours of rare nudie cuties, drive-in bumpers, "infomercials" for the sex manuals which were sold in theater lobbies, burlesque shorts, and longer features including a condensed (55 minutes) version of Joe Sarno's MOONLIGHTING WIVES and another about Mafia party girls entitled THE SIN SYNDICATE. 

The commentary track is a conversation between Frank Henlotter and Something Weird's Lisa Petrucci which is wonderfully informative, with lots of great anecdotes about the late David F. Friedman who passed away shortly after his participation in this film.  A trailer rounds out the bonus selection.

Anyone who ever ordered nudie films from the back of a girlie magazine and can still hear them clattering surreptiously through their home movie projector should experience a wave of nostalgia while watching THAT'S SEXPLOITATION!  And even if you don't remember those times, this exhilarating wallow in undiluted kitsch is a fun introduction to them. 

THAT'S SEXPLOITATION! -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THE HOT NIGHTS OF LINDA -- Blu-ray/ DVD review by porfle

 Originally posted on 10/12/2013

 

The third film (the first two being THE SINISTER EYES OF DR. ORLOFF and PAULA-PAULA) in my admittedly limited experience with the late cinematic superstar Jess Franco, THE HOT NIGHTS OF LINDA (1975), aka "Les nuits brûlantes de Linda" and "But Who Raped Linda?", leaves me still trying to catch that vibe which seems to attract so many Franco-philes to the prolific director's highly eclectic assortment of films like moths to a flame.   

Still, this strange, slapdash, often tawdry exercise in exploitation is brimming with enough perverse sex,  violence, and off-kilter oddness to hold our attention even through a few seemingly interminable stretches.  It begins with a Frenchwoman named Marie-France Bertrand (the voluptuous Alice Arno) being hired by Greek millionaire Mr. Steiner (Paul Muller) to live in his beachfront villa and care for his invalid daughter Linda (Catherine Lafferière) and psychologically disturbed niece Olivia (Franco mainstay Lina Romay). 

Unfortunately,  the feeble-minded Linda will respond only to Steiner's mute manservant Abdul (Pierre Taylou),  a kindly soul who dotes on Linda while drooling over Olivia from afar.  This is exacerbated by the fact that the oversexed Olivia, although still a virgin, sheds her clothes and starts furiously masturbating at the drop of a hat.  Marie-France herself eventually gets sucked into Olivia's gravitational pull until she begins to realize how flakey she really is. 

The film's title is a misnomer since the only "hot night" Linda has is the one in which Olivia sneaks into her bedroom and rapes her.  This sexually voracious nutcase also ravishes an incredulous Abdul in return for him sneaking into Mr. Steiner's room and retrieving the key to a bedroom he keeps sealed.  Here,  years ago, the adolescent Linda witnessed her uncle murder the man who was having an affair with his wife Lorna, who later committed suicide.

This rambling,  almost  stream-of-consciousness story is, like so many of its kind,  the framework on which to hang a succession of perverse sexual situations that build to a violent climax.  Much of the running time consists of Franco languidly caressing Lina Romay's nude body with his camera, whether she's rolling around in bed pleasuring herself or forcing herself sexually on some unsuspecting victim.  Other nudity includes a sunbathing Linda and some glimpses of Marie-France's ample form, in addition to a sequence in which Mr. Steiner chains a naked Abdul to a wall and canes him severely as punishment for "touching" Olivia. 

There's more to this story, however.  The first 2,500 copies of Severin Films' Blu-ray/ DVD combo set also include a third disc containing what they call the "rare alternate banana version" of THE HOT NIGHTS OF LINDA.  This is the hardcore French cut, with much more nudity and graphic sex which Franco lensed himself since he knew that such scenes would be added anyway.  Some scenes are merely reshot with the actresses exchanging the same dialogue in the nude rather than clothed, while Romay's masturbation sessions, as well as her lesbian encounters with Alice Arno and Catherine Lafferière, are much more up close and personal. 

The term "banana version" is derived from the scene in which Olivia rapes the helpless Linda--here, she uses the fruit in question as an impromptu phallic substitute, drawing a stream of vaginal blood (which doesn't score too high on my eroto-meter).  Elsewhere, her heated coupling with Abdul now includes some dreadfully unappealing fellatio that's shot in such extreme closeup that the camera often meanders around in a mish-mash of blurred flesh. 

Missing from the "banana version" is an entire comedy-relief subplot about a rotund police inspector (Angelo Bassi) and a female tabloid photographer who are staking out Mr. Steiner's residence.  (This was added to the softcore version to fill in the gaps from all the deleted X-rated material.)  An entire murder scene is gone as well, making the ending somewhat less violent. 

While the softcore print, from a 35mm source, is fairly good with occasional flaws (some of them a bit jarring), the "banana version" seems to have been dubbed from a finely-aged videotape copy complete with choppy editing,  bad sound, and awful picture quality.  Still,  it is in the original French with English subtitles, whereas the edited version is badly dubbed in English--lips sometimes move without accompanying dialogue, and the mute Abdul's grunting noises are similar to those of the closet monster in THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE. 

Severin Films' Blu-ray/DVD combo set is in 2.35:1 widescreen with English mono sound (French on the subtitled limited-edition disc).  Franco fans will enjoy the two bonus interviews, one with the director alone and another with both him and his beloved muse Lina.  David Gregory (director of "Ban the Sadist Videos!") offers a short segment with genre author Stephen Thrower discussing the film.   In another brief clip,  we see Franco receiving the Fantastic Fest Lifetime Achievement Award with Lina by his side.   Some outtakes--mostly of Olivia and Abdul's sex scene,  plus Alice Arno rolling around naked in bed--and a trailer round out the extras.

Jess Franco's most impressive quality, to me, is how prolific he was--a compulsive, seat-of-his-pants filmmaker who didn't lavish a lot of time and care on his films, giving them a hit-or-miss quality which makes them, at the very least, interesting to watch.  THE HOT NIGHTS OF LINDA is that, but not much more.   Unless,  of course,  you're tuned into that special Franco vibe that has so far managed to elude me.

THE HOT NIGHTS OF LINDA -- Blu-ray/ DVD review by porfle

TWO FEMALE SPIES WITH FLOWERED PANTIES -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 9/2/2017

 

I continue to find the cinematic output of prolific Spanish filmmaker Jess Franco to be a mild diversion at best, as in VAMPYROS LESBOS and SHE KILLED IN ECSTASY.  (Or at worst, as in PAULA-PAULA.)

But whatever it is about Franco's work that has attracted so many avid followers over the years, they're likely to find it in his 1980 softcore-sex-and-spy potboiler TWO FEMALE SPIES WITH FLOWERED PANTIES, aka "Ópalo de fuego".

As usual, Franco shoots with a half-artistic, half-artless style that's slapdash one moment and somewhat striking the next--owing some of the latter, it seems, to good fortune.  The shaky zooms and pans characteristic of his work go hand-in-hand with some shots that have sort of a rough-hewn arthouse look.

Franco's lifelong love Lina Romay (THE HOT NIGHTS OF LINDA) stars as Cecile, an exotic dancer whose year-long prison sentence for "indecency" will be erased if she agrees to go to the Canary Islands and spy on some suspected sex-slavers for the French secret service. 

Cecile agrees and, along with her beautiful but airheaded dancing partner Brigitte, is soon occupying a posh hotel suite next to the mansion of main suspects Mr. and Mrs. Forbes.

They also end up dancing (if you can call it that) in the Forbes' swank nightclub where Cecile's contact, Milton, also works.  Milton's one of those "is he or isn't he?" characters who's gay one minute and straight the next, and some comedy is derived from Brigitte becoming infatuated with and practically raping him.

Franco, in fact, seems to enjoy juxtaposing such lighthearted scenes with those of rape (the Forbeses breaking in a new captive meant to be sold as sex slave to some perverted millionaire) and sadism (a captured Cecile being sexually tortured by evil Forbes henchwomen who enjoy inflicting pain).

While there's certainly nothing here on the level of one of the "Ilsa" flicks, some scenes are quite startling in their strong content compared to the almost innocuous spy antics of the rest of the film.

For the most part, however, TWO FEMALE SPIES WITH FLOWERED PANTIES is pretty unremarkable as either comedy or suspense thriller.  While passable entertainment for the patient viewer, many scenes tend to drag, even those meant to be erotic (as when Mr. and Mrs. Forbes hash out their weird marital sex problems).

The film's main appeal, as it were, is a likable performance by the voluptuous Romay, portraying a character whose lack of spy smarts is made up for by tons of spunk and a kind of fearless innocence. 

Some political intrigue and a couple of shocking murders (with more of that jarring torture which seems almost out of place) build to a fairly lively action climax involving members of a hippie/biker commune who have taken a liking to Cecile and decided to come to her rescue.

The 2-disc set from Severin Films (with reversible box cover) contains the movie proper on Blu-ray disc, in both English and French with English subtitles.  In addition to a trailer and some silent outtakes, the bonus menu contains interviews with Franco and film composer Daniel White, along with an informative and insightful look at the film by Stephen Thrower.

Disc two (DVD) is the alternate cut of the film entitled "Ópalo de fuego" which differs considerably, containing much that is missing from the longer cut while also lacking many of its key scenes, especially those of a sexual nature.  The reason for this odd alternate cut is a mystery even to Franco expert Thrower, making it an interesting novelty.

Generally speaking, this tepid spy adventure barely gets by on Lina Romay's charm and a wealth of nudity and twisted eroticism.  But as a Jess Franco film, TWO FEMALE SPIES WITH FLOWERED PANTIES will no doubt be of great interest to those who find the study of both him and the evolution of his filmography to be an object of endless fascination.

Buy it at Severin Films

TWO FEMALE SPIES WITH FLOWERED PANTIES -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle