THE THEATER BIZARRE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

 

Originally posted on 1/6/21

 

From "Night Gallery"-level chills to art house pretention to EC comics-style irony, THE THEATRE BIZARRE (Severin Films, 2011) is, like other anthology films done by a gang of directors, similar to one of those mystery grab bags kids used to order from the back of a monster magazine.

Of course you have your wraparound segment, which in this case concerns a strange young woman named Enola Penny (Virginia Newcomb) whose apartment is across the street from an old abandoned theater with which she's abnormally obsessed.  One night as she's gazing at it through her window, the doors open by themselves and beckon her into its dark, spooky interior.

What she finds onstage is a troup of decaying clockwork figures jerkily performing under the direction of creepy master of ceremonies Peg Poett.  If you're a fan of Udo Kier (HOUSE ON STRAW HILL), you should enjoy seeing him cavort as the robotic storyteller whose bizarre tales seem to draw Enola deeper into the world of the unreal until, as the film's finale, the segment ends precisely as we predict.

 

 Kier's first tale of the bizarre is "The Mother of Toads" by Richard Stanley (HARDWARE) about a young couple vacationing in France.  Karina (fave actress Victoria Maurette, LEFT FOR DEAD, KUNG FU JOE) just wants to have a good time, but anthropologist Martin (Shane Woodward) is caught up in the local pagan history when they meet witch Mere Antoinette (Catriona MacColl) at a street fair.

Martin can't resist an invitation to her secluded hovel to see her copy of the fabled Necronomicon, which will lead to the usual dire consequences when Mere Antoinette turns out to be none other than the titular sorceress.  The segment is richly Lovecraftian with an adult-oriented "Night Gallery" vibe and laced with grotesque imagery (along with some nice nudity when statuesque Lisa Crawford steps into the Mere Antoinette role during Martin's supernatural seduction).

COMBAT SHOCK director Buddy Giovinazzo's "I Love You" makes an abrupt tone change with its story of clinging, emotionally-needy Axel (André Hennicke) not taking the news very well when the love of his life Mo (Suzan Anbeh) announces that she can't stand living with him anymore and is leaving him for someone else.  Aside from the blood, this could be any Euro-cinema relationship drama centered mainly on two people trading tortured dialogue in an apartment.  It's pretty good dialogue, as is the acting, but the predictable twist ending is only mildly effective.

 

Gore effects legend Tom Savini directs "Wet Dreams" and plays the psychiatrist friend of Donnie (James Gill), a stereotypical male chauvinist who abuses and cheats on demoralized wife Carla (scream queen Debbie Rochon of TALES OF POE and HELL TOWN in a strong performance).  Along with an affair with his friend's wife, Donnie's been having nightmares involving horrific forms of castration (the segment's main preoccupation) including a lobster-claw vagina that recalls Lovecraft again.

Dr. Maurey (Savini) tells Donnie to simply close his eyes and count to three as soon as he realizes that he's dreaming, which should awaken him.  But this won't save him when Carla's own dreams start to take over his reality.  While its women's-revenge-fantasy theme is about as subtle as a bucket of bricks, "Wet Dreams" has that EC comics "ironic retribution" feel to it which--along with James Gill's comically exaggerated performance and some extreme gore effects--makes it one of the film's more wickedly amusing stories.

Hardly seeming to belong in such a collection of dark horror tales is Douglas Buck's exquisite tone poem "The Accident."  Hauntingly expressive child actress Mélodie Simard plays a little girl who's curious about the hows and whys of death after she and her mother (Lena Kleine) witness a fatal motorcycle accident on a country road. 

 

There's no real plot or resolution here--the little girl's contemplative impressions of the incident form a leisurely-paced succession of dreamlike images as she questions her mother about death at bedtime and Mom does her best to answer.  And that's it.  It may not sound like much, but upon second viewing I was near tears the whole time, stunned by the subtle beauty and emotional depth of this delicately-rendered fable.  More than anything else, for me anyway, it's what makes THE THEATER BIZARRE a keeper.

Karim Hussain's "Vision Stains" jars us out of this tender reverie with one of the film's most startling tales.  Kaniehtiio Horn is The Writer, a young woman insanely driven to experience and record the memories of the other destitute women she murders by extracting the fluid from their eyes at the point of death and injecting it into her own.

Hussain's handling of the segment is as woozily off-kilter as its premise, probably the most "bizarre" concept in the entire film, and plays upon our eye-injury fears with the help of a very convincing practical effect--namely, an oversized articulated eye used in some cringeworthy closeups.  The Writer's quest for knowledge will eventually lead to a fate familiar to fans of Roger Corman films.

 

Finally, there's David Gregory's sickly "Sweets", which may put you off dessert for awhile.  Candy addict Greg (Guilford Adams) goes into withdrawal when his girlfriend Estelle (Lindsay Goranson), with whom he's shared many moments of confectionary bliss, announces that she's leaving him.  As Greg devolves into a mass of syrupy hysteria, the strangely distant Estelle responds to his pleas with a monotone string of cliches such as "It's not you, it's me" and "I need space."

Something's definitely not right about Estelle or her effect on the bloated, pathetic Greg, and anyone who's ever read "Hansel and Gretel" will have little trouble figuring out why.  The climactic scene occurs inside an underground restaurant populated by weird Goths (including Lynn Lowry of MODEL HUNGER and THE CRAZIES) overindulging in grotesque delicacies, and ends with the film's most over-the-top gore.  The old-school practical effects used to achieve this are impressive, but, despite being somewhat amusing, the segment isn't.

This new release from Severin Films is the first time the film has been available on Blu-ray. Disc specs, as well as a packed menu of juicy special features, are listed below.

THE THEATER BIZARRE is a worthwhile trip for horror fans through some dark, strange territory, with each story offering its own unique style and approach.  Like those richly colorful Warren comics from the 60s and 70s that director Richard Stanley cites as one of his inspirations, the film is always interesting to look at but the stories range from the memorable to the forgettable.  

Buy it from Severin Films

Special Features:

    2020 Filmmakers Audio Commentary
    2012 Filmmakers Audio Commentary
    Backstage: The Making of THE THEATRE BIZARRE – New feature length documentary featuring interviews with Directors Douglas Buck, Buddy Giovinazzo, David Gregory, Karim Hussain, Jeremy Kasten, Tom Savini, Richard Stanley, Producers Daryl J. Tucker, Fabrice Lambot, Michael Ruggiero, Actors Udo Kier, Catriona MacColl, Lynn Lowry, Victoria Maurette, Kaniehtiio Horn and more.
    French TV On-Set Report on Richard Stanley’s Return to Genre Filmmaking
    Making of VISION STAINS by Filmmaker Pat Tremblay
    Making of THE ACCIDENT by Filmmaker Pat Tremblay
    Shock Till You Drop’s Choice Cuts with Buddy Giovinazzo
    Shock Till You Drop’s Choice Cuts with David Gregory
    Shock Till You Drop’s Choice Cuts with Jeremy Kasten
    Boswell Scores – Interview with THE MOTHER OF TOADS & VISION STAINS Soundtrack Composer Simon Boswell
    THE MOTHER OF TOADS – Extended Cut
    Trailers

Disc Specs:

    Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1
    Audio: English 5.1 & 2.0, French 2.0
    Closed Captions: English SDH
    Region Free

THE THEATER BIZARRE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THE RETURN OF DR. X -- Mini Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/19/20

 

Just watched Humphrey Bogart's only foray into horror, THE RETURN OF DR. X (1939), after hearing about it for so my years.

Despite how generally maligned it is in comparison to the original "Dr. X" (to which this is a sequel in name only), this is actually a very good stand-alone murder mystery with strong sci-fi/horror elements.

The film benefits from fine production values and a good cast, including a very young Wayne Morris as a brash newspaper reporter and Dennis Morgan as a doctor who suspects a revered surgeon of very foul play.

Bogart is surprisingly good in this type of role, despite the fact that he was cast in it under duress. I enjoyed the film very much and am always glad to discover a Golden Age goodie that has previously escaped my notice.

THE RETURN OF DR. X -- Mini Review by Porfle

A LITTLE HELP -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/17/11

 

A LITTLE HELP (2010) is one of those chick-flicks that isn't all that bad once you actually find yourself sitting down to watch it--usually against your will--although if you're like me you'll spend the entire running time wishing the Terminator would break the door down and start annihilating everybody.

Jenna Fischer ("The Office") plays Laura Pehlke, a recently-widowed young mom whose life is crashing down around her.  Jenna manages to make her mousey, indecisive character somewhat endearing enough so that we can stand her for an hour-and-a-half.  Some of her more amusing scenes have her working as a dental hygienist with a parrot constantly squawking over her shoulder.  The best ones involve Laura and her overweight, misfit son Dennis, played by Daniel Yelsky in his movie debut.

Yelsky is the best thing about A LITTLE HELP.  As Daniel, he's a painfully insecure little kid with the soul of a Borscht Belt comic.  Yelsky's delivery is priceless even when he's obviously reading his lines from cue cards--he's both deadpan funny and dramatically impressive in some crackling exchanges that allow him and Fischer to really have at each other (particularly the "You suck!" scene and the "9-11 is cooler" scene).  Even the part where they sing along with "Runaround Sue" in the car is bearable (along with the "bad date with the wrong guy" scenario, the "singing along to an oldie" thing seems to be a chick-flick staple).

Laura's life is taken over by her hellishly overbearing sister Kathy (Brooke Smith, the abducted girl from SILENCE OF THE LAMBS) and meddling mom (Lesley Ann Warren), who coerce her into putting Daniel into a private school and suing her late husband's doctor for malpractice.  This takes place during a brow-beating "intervention" which is cringe-inducing for anyone who's experienced anything similar.  As the litigating lawyer, the great Kim Coates ("Chet" from THE LAST BOY SCOUT) gets a role he can really sink his teeth into, which is fun to watch. 

Daniel, meanwhile, has been trying to fit in at his new school by telling everyone his dad was a fireman hero on 9-11, a colossal lie that snowballs until Laura is caught up in it herself.  This yields both humor and ultimately devastation when they're both found out.  One theme of the film seems to be that lying is just bad all around because the truth always comes out.  I learned that way back in the Our Gang short "Don't Lie" but I guess you can never hear it enough times.  

Ron Leibman's deft comedy touch livens up his turn as Laura's dad, and Sam McMurray (RAISING ARIZONA) is good as an irreverent D.J. (Dion does a cameo as one of his interview subjects).  Chris O'Donnell's okay as Laura's husband, Bob, but he's only in the movie long enough to kick off and throw her life into chaos.  As Kathy's easygoing, henpecked husband Paul, Rob Benedict plays a likable enough character until he confesses that he's always been in love with Laura and starts getting creepy.  In fact, their entire subplot is kind of icky, and the fact that it's part of the emotional heart of the film gives off a "please don't go there" vibe that's averted by mere chance.

Writer-director Michael J. Weithorn, making his feature film debut here, handles the direction and editing well but Fischer and Yelsky's performances are the main reason the story isn't as lightweight as it could've been.  Things still tend to get a little cloying and overly contemplative whenever one of Jakob Dylan's soulful songs intrudes, but that's something you just have to expect when you're watching a film like this. 

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 1.85:1 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 surround sound and English subtitles.  Extras consist of a trailer and TV spot, a Jakob Dylan music video, and a number of thumbnail promotional interviews with cast and director.

The main message of A LITTLE HELP is the usual stand up for yourself, darkest before the dawn stuff.  We see the darkest but we don't see any of the dawn due to a somewhat abrupt ending, so we're left to assume Laura is on the verge of finally getting her head out of her ass.

A LITTLE HELP -- DVD Review by Porfle

Was The Beverly Hillbillies' "Granny" in "Mighty Joe Young"? (1949) (video)

Irene Ryan played crotchety old "Granny"...

...in the hit 1960s TV series "The Beverly Hillbillies."

But in her younger days, Ryan made a brief comedic appearance...

...in the SPFX-heavy monster thriller "Mighty Joe Young" (1949).


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Was The Beverly Hillbillies' "Granny" in "Mighty Joe Young"? (1949) (video)

THE RED SKELTON HOUR IN COLOR: DELUXE EDITION -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/15/17

 

I remember loving "The Red Skelton Hour" when I was a kid, but over the years I sort of lost touch with my former TV comedy pal.  With Time-Life's 22-disc DVD collection THE RED SKELTON HOUR IN COLOR: DELUXE EDITION, I've discovered a treasure trove of prime comedy gold that brings the reasons I loved Red in the first place rushing back in waves of laughter.

One of the most endearing and uninhibited laugh-getters in TV comedy history, Red took an obvious delight in performing which was highly infectious to any audience he happened to be in front of.  One-liners, silly stories, wacky characters and voices, and a master's skill at pantomime were all parts of the comedy arsenal he wielded so exquisitely in his endless quest to entertain.

In these priceless segments, Red is an ad-lib machine who clearly has a ball churning out jokes and one-liners off the cuff while keeping the audience, and often his co-stars, howling with laughter.  This gives the impression that we're watching the dress rehearsal, the preliminary run-through of the show in which everything's loose and improvisational (in his later taped shows, this may in fact be true!)

Red doesn't just break the "fourth wall"; he acts as though it doesn't exist, and never did.  The audience is always in on every joke from start to finish, and his adlibs are almost always directed at them.  This gives the whole thing a delightful audience-participation vibe that heightens our enjoyment of the show.

This is especially true in the early live shows (recorded onto 16mm film as kinescopes) with exciting live-audience performances that capture Red at his most energetic and uninhibited.  Eight discs in this set make up the four-volume "The Red Skelton Show: The Early Years (1951-1955)" which is prime early Red at the beginning of his 20-year network run on NBC and CBS.

These are brisk half-hour shows in black-and-white which are solid comedy save for the occasional musical guest.  Red performs some of his greatest characters including country hick Clem Kadiddlehopper, quickwitted tramp Freddy the Freeloader, washed-up boxer Cauliflower McPugg, tippler Willie Lump-Lump, Sheriff Deadeye, Lord Beaverhead, George Appleby, seagulls Gertrude and Heathcliff, and several others.

Familiar guest performers include Billy Barty, Sheree North, Charles "Buchinski" Bronson, Ann Southern, June Foray, Mike Mazurki, Gil Perkins, Benny Rubin, Ed Sullivan, Johnny Carson, Jackie Gleason, Milton Berle, Bob Hope, and John Wayne, as well as Red's wife Georgia ("Little Red") and kids Valentina and Richard. Red also works the plugs for that night's sponsor, such as Tide or Geritol, into the skits in humorous ways. 

The 10-disc set "The Red Skelton Hour In Color" continues the fun and hilarity onward into Red's later shows with 31 hour-long color episodes from the 60s.  These keep the fun going full-tilt with twice the amount of jokes and pantomime (the latter represented by the regular feature "The Silent Spot").

Among Red's guests are John Wayne (spoofing his "Rooster Cogburn" character), Milton Berle, Martha Raye, Tim Conway, Phyllis Diller, Mickey Rooney, Nipsey Russell, George Gobel, Robert Goulet, Merv Griffin, Mike Connors, Liberace, Carol Wayne, and more.  (Look for ubiquitous extra Bess Flowers in one of the "Silent Spot" segments.)  Musical guests include Simon and Garfunkel, the Fifth Dimension, the Association, and Lou Rawls. 

A special treat for horror fans is the episode featuring guests Boris Karloff and Vincent Price as father-and-son mad scientists who try to turn Clem Kadiddlehopper into a robot.  (Boris and Vincent even sing!)  The set also features a bonus Skelton biography, "America's Clown", and interviews with Vicki Lawrence and Bobby Rydell.

"The Best of Red Skelton: The Complete 20th Season" encompasses Red's final hours of network series TV in 23 episodes on three discs.  These shows get a lot of mileage poking fun at the hippies and other aspects of the era, featuring several then-current stars as well as some old favorites.  Among these are Raymond Burr, Jerry Lewis, Barbara Anderson, Robert Wagner, Jill St. John, Walter Brennan, Gene Barry, Dan Blocker, Eva Gabor, Wally Cox, Tony Randall, Telly Savalas, Godfrey Cambridge, and Michael Landon.

Finally, "Red Skelton: The Farewell Specials" contains four hour-long shows that Red did for HBO years after he'd gone off the air but was still going strong.  "Red Skelton's Christmas Dinner" is a Yuletide Freddy the Freeloader adventure with Vincent Price and Imogene Coca playing fellow vagrants who understand the true meaning of the season.  (Look for Cec Linder, who played Felix Leiter in GOLDFINGER.) 

"More Funny Faces", "Funny Faces III", and "A Royal Command Performance" capture Red's enduring brilliance as a live stage performer as he mesmerizes crowds in Canada and England, including members of the royal family. 

Red Skelton was one of the best stand-up comics of all time and a master of pantomime, endlessly energetic and inventive, appealing to all ages, versatile, and bursting with fun and goodwill.  Even his tendency toward maudlin sentiment can be forgiven (and, if need be, fast-forwarded through) in light of the wealth of comic brilliance one can enjoy watching his priceless recorded performances.  For fans of Red and of comedy in general, THE RED SKELTON HOUR IN COLOR: DELUXE EDITION is a treasure chest of comedy gold.

THE RED SKELTON HOUR IN COLOR: DELUXE EDITION -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE SWAN PRINCESS: KINGDOM OF MUSIC -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/5/19

 

It's been awhile since I saw the previous entry in this series, THE SWAN PRINCESS: ROYALLY UNDERCOVER. and I couldn't quite remember why I'd liked it so much. But just a few minutes into the current sequel, THE SWAN PRINCESS: KINGDOM OF MUSIC (Sony, 2019), was enough to remind me.

For a start, this is some gorgeous computer animation even for a diehard fan of old-fashioned cel animation such as myself.  The settings are all beautiful and well-photographed, creatively directed with a constantly moving camera that's well choreographed with the action.

This, along with the vibrant, often exhilarating colors, gives every scene a pleasing kineticism that I found especially fun to watch.

More importantly, the characters themselves are attractively designed and expressive, conveying all the necessary emotions which are the foundation of what turns out to be a deeply romantic story (unlike the more adventuresome bent of the previous film) with much of the same warmth and wonder of a Miyazaki film, which this reminded me of at times.

Princess Odette and Prince Derek are back, as is their adopted daughter Alise whose upcoming coming-of-age party forms the centerpiece of the story. She's still smitten with our old friend Lucas, a commoner who raises tulips, but he'll have a serious rival when one of the candidates to sing at Alise's ball is handsome Prince Li from Cathay.

Alise and Li's initial mutual hostility soon turns to infatuation, prompting the jealous Lucas to seek the help of royal ally Lord Rogers for some quick ballroom dance lessons that will help him win her heart on the dance floor.

More romantic complications arise when Li's sister, Mei Li, seeks out the help of Swan Princess Odette to help break the spell that has turned her lover, Chen, into a flying, fire-breathing dragon.  In classic tragic romance style, Chen can only assume human form for a few precious minutes at sundown, during which the young lovers enjoy a few brief, desperate moments together.

How these two intertwining romantic subplots are worked out forms the jumping off point for the kind of emotional drama that's not just for the kids in the audience but the adults watching with them as well. Indeed, these stories of young people on the brink of maturity and all the heartache it can bring should prove engaging and relatable to any ages.

In the meantime, the film is aglow with sharp, witty dialogue and clever sight gags performed by lovable supporting characters such as Lord Rogers and Queen Uberta, Li's paternal servant Ru, Puffin the wise bird, and the supercilious French frog Jean-Bob, who, along with Rogers and Umberta, forms the judging panel for the contest to decide which of the hopefuls from countries all over the world gets to sing at Alise's ball.

Resembling a royal episode of "America's Got Talent", these elaborate singing auditions elevate the film's musical quotient although most of the songs are poppy, auto-tuned fluff designed to make Li's two tuneful numbers sound even more substantial in comparison.

His second song, "Goodbye", is one of the emotional highpoints and a major reason why the story should appeal not just to kids and tweeners, but to any adult who enjoys an opulently-staged musical of this caliber.

The DVD from Sony Pictures Home Entertainment is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with English, French, and Spanish Dolby 5.1 sound and English subtitles.  Extras include two sing-a-long segments, trailers for other Sony releases, and a featurette in which director Richard Rich demonstrates his very hands-on technique of acting out each role for the animators to use as a guide.  Picture and sound quality are excellent. 

With THE SWAN PRINCESS: KINGDOM OF MUSIC, there's always something dazzling happening to keep us interested from start to finish.  And along with its more joyfully fanciful elements, the story is both refreshingly mature and relatable enough to stimulate youthful minds without insulting their burgeoning intelligence.


Format: NTSC
Language: English
Region: All Regions
Number of discs: 1
Rated: G (General Audience)
Studio: Sony Pictures Entertainment
DVD Release Date: August 6, 2019
Run Time: 83 minutes

THE SWAN PRINCESS: KINGDOM OF MUSIC -- DVD Review by Porfle

ALIEN AGENT -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

 

Canadian sci-fi/action flick ALIEN AGENT (2007) began as a somewhat more ambitious vehicle for Dolph Lundgren. First announced in 2000, it went through several proposed cast members and directors (including Sidney J. Furie, John Fries, and Roger Christian), and an apparent reduction in scope, before finally going before the cameras in 2006 with "The Crow: Stairway to Heaven" star Mark Dacascos in the lead and acclaimed stunt coordinator Jesse Johnson (PIT FIGHTER) in the director's chair.

Dacascos plays Rykker, an intergalactic lawman who is trying to stop fellow aliens Saylon (Billy Zane) and Isis (Amelia Cooke) from opening up a wormhole between their planet and Earth to facilitate their conquest of the human race. 

After Isis and her goons murder the only remaining family of truckstop waitress Julie (Emma Lahana, "Power Rangers"), she hooks up with Rykker to help him stop the invaders and falls in love with him in the process. Meanwhile, the construction of a stargate between the two planets continues in an abandoned power station, where the final battle for Earth's fate will take place.

Despite the loftier aims initially attached to this project, the final result doesn't look much different from standard Sci-Fi Channel fare, but with extra violence and brief nudity added. Vlady Pildysh's sketchy script is pure pulp, with good aliens vs. bad aliens (who have taken over human bodies so that very little special makeup is required) battling each other with guns and martial arts in normal everyday settings. Even the stargate which features prominently in the finale is little more than a big, rotating plastic ring with some CGI sparkles added.

What ALIEN AGENT does have going for it is an abundance of action. Blazing shoot-em-ups and fierce hand-to-hand battles occur in quick succession with brief snippets of story to link them together. The martial arts sequences are well-staged and convincingly executed, and are edited so that the rapid-fire shots flow together very smoothly. The gunfights and car chases are similarly impressive, with an abundance of satisfying explosions and other mayhem. 

One early moment which got my attention shows warrior woman Isis firing a bazooka from a moving truck and blasting the pursuing Rykker's car right off the road, all in one shot; another finds her blowing up half the cars and trucks in a parking lot as Rykker makes off in another vehicle. The only detriment in these scenes is director Johnson's unfortunate tendency to try and accentuate the action with jittery zoom-in, zoom-out camarawork, which never fails to make even big-budget movies look rinky-dink (as Michael Bay demonstrated in THE ROCK's big San Francisco car chase).

Dacascos, with his soulful demeanor and martial arts skills, is well-suited for the role of Rykker, while Emma Lahana makes for a spunky sidekick. On the bad alien side, Amelia Cooke plays a pretty convincing Isis, but Billy Zane doesn't appear to be investing much in the role of the evil leader Saylon; in fact, he seems to be having more fun playing the baseball-capped yahoo whose body Saylon inhabits upon his arrival on Earth. In a lesser role, the great Kim Coates, who was Chet in the celebrated "Touch me again, I'll kill ya" scene from THE LAST BOY SCOUT, makes a welcome appearance as a sniveling human scientist in league with his future alien overlords.

DVD specs include 1:78:1 widescreen, Spanish subtitles, and a trailer. This Allumination Filmworks release is rated R for violence and brief nudity, the latter consisting mainly of a nude shot of a showering Julie which appears to have been done by a body double with great abs.

Though not quite the sci-fi epic originally conceived, ALIEN AGENT is an action-packed diversion that's fun to watch as long as you keep your expectations low.

 

ALIEN AGENT -- DVD Review by Porfle

DOOBIOUS SOURCES -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally postedon 12/28/16

 

Most people probably think it's more fun to write bad reviews than good ones.  But for me, it's way easier to write a review of a movie that I really like than one about which I can't think of a single good thing to say.

The stoner comedy DOOBIOUS SOURCES (2017) presents just such a dilemma.  Sitting through its amazingly long running time of 102 minutes while trying to glean some worthwhile tidbit here and there is a joyless, almost punitive task.  It's like getting fifty lashes in the public square and thinking, "Well, at least these shoes are comfortable."

Our heroes, Zorn Tappadapo (Jason Weissbrod, NEVER BEEN KISSED) and Reginald "The Reg" Block-Hunsleigh (Jeff Lorch, PICKIN' & GRINNIN'), are a couple of freelance investigative reporters who drive around in their mini-van trying to pull "stings" and sell the footage to the local news.

Their cameras are also constantly trained on each other as they hope to create a documentary about themselves, which allows us ("forces" might be a better word) to experience the entire story "Blair Witch" style.

One of their sting operations involves using a "Gregslist" ad to trick straight men into gay encounters in a motel room, with the latest victim, burly he-man Magnus Martindale (Joe Cortese of AMERICAN HISTORY X and JESSI'S GIRLS as sort of a Tim Thomerson type), striking back at them with a vengeance. 

Meanwhile, the boys hook up with a mousey TV reporter, Ky Kittridge (Creagen Dow), to get the goods on some crooked city officials using an RV as their surveillance base.

What follows is a needlessly convoluted series of unfunny situations with lots of screaming, sneaking, running around, and other frantic activity in a vain search for laughter. 

I got lost several times trying to follow the reams of dialogue these guys were firing at each other, much of it within the RV and all of it framed in claustrophobic style through a few handheld cameras. 

Even the "stoner" aspect seems tacked on--Zorn and Reg light up several joints while driving around or sitting on a stakeout, and they do the usual "sharp inhale, hold, cough" thing a lot, but there's never any real "stoner" humor like you might find in a Cheech and Chong movie.

In fact, the weed angle could be completely purged from the film without changing it a bit, just as long as the two main characters remained yakky, hyperactive jackasses.

As for the actors themselves, I think they all do a pretty good job with what they have to work with.  On a technical level the film is adequate considering that it's simply meant to look like a couple of guys filming each other. 

It would've been different if the "sting" aspect of the story had been interesting, or there had been some actual weed-related comedy (besides just puffing a lot of it and then acting stoned), or some funny comedy of any kind.  But unfortunately, DOOBIOUS SOURCES has the dubious distinction of making MAC AND DEVIN GO TO HIGH SCHOOL seem twice as funny in comparison.

DOOBIOUS SOURCES -- Movie Review by Porfle

OUTRAGE CODA -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/24/18

 

Here's another intense, violent, and utterly no-nonsense Yakuza thriller from writer-director-star Beat Takeshi (HANA-BI, BOILING POINT, VIOLENT COP), who makes these films with the skill and determination of a fine artist wielding a sledgehammer.

OUTRAGE CODA (Film Movement, 2017) takes us into the heart of the Yakuza organization once again, and it's a really scary place to be.

When they aren't sitting around bleak, joyless offices intimidating each other with their power and position, maneuvering themselves up the ladder while always keeping an eye out for treachery and deception from all sides, they're in constant fear of making a wrong move that some boss or rival group will perceive as a capital offense.

Takeshi (who you may also know from BATTLE ROYALE, MERRY CHRISTMAS MR. LAWRENCE, and the TV series MXC) knows his way around this kind of filmmaking like a master, but he also knows when to break through all these complicated plot machinations with the occasional burst of blood-curdling violence, which is also a way of life with the Yakuza.

To this end, he stars as Otomo, a former big shot in the organization (whom we met back in OUTRAGE: WAY OF THE YAKUZA) now spending his mellower years working in South Korea for the Chang family.

Otomo is the kind of guy you don't mess with, even when you're his friend and you go fishing together. If he gets mad, he just might pull out his gun and shoot up the fish that you're reeling in.

Otomo is also the kind of guy that the scary guys in the organization are afraid of--with good reason--and when a blustery young would-be underboss of the Hanabishi family offends both Otomo and the Chang family on their own turf, killing one of Otomo's men in the bargain, Otomo takes it personally.  Very personally.

That's the set-up of OUTRAGE CODA, and despite how intricate and plot-heavy the story may seem at times, it's all just an excuse for Otomo's growing outrage to channel itself into those bursts of action and violence which make Kitano's crime dramas so exhilarating and even frightening to watch.

Until that happens, though, the dramatic interactions between rivals within and without the two warring factions grow increasingly absorbing as relationships gel between various characters, all of whom are expertly played by an outstanding cast.

There are no good guys here--as in the original OUTRAGE: WAY OF THE YAKUZA, there are only varying degrees of bad guys, some of whom we begin to root for over the others if they show even a hint of loyalty or integrity.

Somehow, Otomo earns our respect and support because he's (a) a straight dealer, and (b) is the baddest of the bad despite an almost placid demeanor.  Once he goes into action, though, he has no qualms about laying waste to an entire roomful of the opposition's most well-armed and well-heeled assassins.

The DVD from Film Movement is in 2.40:1 widescreen with 5.1 and 2.0 sound. Japanese with English subtitles.  Bonuses consist of an interesting making-of featurette and trailers for other Takeshi films.

I missed the middle entry in the trilogy, but I can only assume that OUTRAGE CODA is a fitting end to it because the finality comes as a shock.  It sends this gritty and uncompromising crime thriller off on a haunting, melancholy note, and serves as another feather in the cap of the fascinating filmmaker known as Beat Takeshi.

OUTRAGE CODA -- DVD Review by Porfle

CINDERFELLA -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/7/16

 

1960's CINDERFELLA, as you might guess, is a gender-reversed take on the famous fairytale "Cinderella" with Jerry Lewis as the gentle soul ("Fella") harrassed by a wicked stepmother out to steal his inheritence (Dame Judith Anderson, giving the film much added class) and two hateful stepbrothers played wonderfully by exploitation film mainstay Henry Silva and Robert Hutton of THE MAN WITHOUT A BODY and THE SLIME PEOPLE.

As those familiar with the original fairytale will already know, Fella's life is one of thankless drudgery and constant belittlement as he scrambles to perform every menial task given him by his pampered, arrogant stepmother and stepbrothers (and which Jerry, as usual, manages to milk for laughs).

But when Dame Judith hosts a ball for a visiting European princess (cute Anna Maria Alberghetti), Fella's fairy godfather Ed Wynn appears and makes it possible for him to attend and steal the young girl's heart.

 

The lavish ball sequence is best known for Jerry's amazing first-take strut down the massive staircase and also includes some genuinely charming choreography as he and the princess enjoy a spirited dance together. 

(There seems to be a scene missing before this, however, since we never see his goldfish being turned into a chauffeur or his bicycle into a limosine, or find out why he must flee the ball at the stroke of midnight, leaving behind one of his Italian loafers.)

Much of the rest of CINDERFELLA is of the "charming" variety, yet there's plenty of the old Lewis hilarity to enjoy as well.  The film is directed by Frank Tashlin (of the superb Martin and Lewis hit ARTISTS AND MODELS as well as other of Jerry's solo ventures) and thus we get to see where some of Jerry's own directorial influences came from.

 

There's a musical pantomime bit that foreshadows the one in the following year's THE ERRAND BOY, and one great sequence which has Fella trying to eat his own supper at the end of a mile-long fancy dinner table while also scrambling to serve as waiter for his stepmother and stepbrothers. 

The sets and costumes are opulent, and, like the later THE NUTTY PROFESSOR, CINDERFELLA is in dazzling Technicolor.

Not every comedy bit or attempt at pathos comes off as well as it's meant to, and some scenes tend to drag a bit. But overall, CINDERFELLA is one of those colorful, frenetic Jerry Lewis classics that will delight his fans. It came out while Jerry's post-Martin and Lewis solo career was still young, and helped establish him once and for all as one of our great comic film stars.


Read our review of the "Nutty Professor" 50th Anniversary Collection

CINDERFELLA -- Movie Review by Porfle

SSI: SEXY SQUAD INVESTIGATION -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

(NOTE: This review originally appeared online at Bumscorner.com in 2006.)

Remember how a lot of cheap porn movies tried to be comedies, and between the old in-out, in-out scenes there would be embarrasingly lame attempts at humor by people who had absolutely no comedic skills, or acting ability in general?  You don't?  Uh, me neither.  Heh...I never watched movies like that. 

But it's a sure bet that those movies would've been a heck of a lot funnier if Thomas J. Moose and Andy Sawyer had made them, because their SSI: SEXY SQUAD INVESTIGATION (2006) is a scream.

Of course, this isn't a porn flick--there's nothing here that you couldn't see in the latest issue of Playboy, or at least Penthouse.  But the emphasis is on T & A, and there's plenty of it.  There are some really hot women in this movie.  One quick shot of a gorgeous black actress named Lexi Martinez reclining naked on a couch almost made me choke on my bean burrito.  "HOOO-LY SH**!" I cried, hastily grabbing for--the remote control.  (What did you think I was going to say, Mr. Dirty Mind?)

There are several other moments in SSI that are similarly inspirational, though these scenes are pretty brief.   Since this movie is as much a comedy as it is a gawkfest, the sex stuff isn't allowed to drag on to the point of boredom like it does in porn films.  Or so I've heard. 

However, the keepcase contains a coupon you can send in, along with three dollars postage, to receive an "unrated" version in which, I would assume, these scenes are much longer and more...uhh..."useful."  If you're a PERVERT, that is!

The story, such as it is, takes place in New York, although most of it was shot in Manchester, England, with actors valiantly struggling to simulate American accents with wildly varying degrees of success.  The guy who plays President Shrub (Frank Bowdler) sounds about as Texan as Leslie Howard, and his cowboy hat looks more like a pimp hat.  But it doesn't matter, because he's funny. 

President Shrub's decree that all sex outside the bonds of holy matrimony is now illegal necessitates the formation of the titular Sex Squad, who tirelessly peep around corners and through windows trying to catch perps in the act of "gittin' it on."

SSI agent John Honeysuckle (John Paul Fedele) is haunted by memories of the day his partner and brother Mickey (director Thomas J. Moose) was accidentally shot in the head by a farmer as they were spying on some sex-criminals while disguised as a pantomime horse.  This is the first of several laugh-out-loud scenes in the movie. 

Another is when Agent Honeysuckle is gazing at his new partner, Officer Katrina Lightbody (the lovely, flourescent-eyed A.J. Khan) while she examines some evidence.  The camera slowly pushes in on her as she picks up a cheerleader's pom-pom in slow motion, and the close-up of Honeysuckle's lovestruck face informs us that he's having a feverish fantasy.  He's imagining her dressed as a cheerleader, right?  No, he's imagining himself dressed as a cheerleader. 

Later, when he has another flashback about his former life as a welder who dreams of being a dancer, Fedele's goofily energetic spoof of Jennifer Beals in FLASHDANCE is a howl.  And then there's Honeysuckle's Viet Nam flashback, where a grenade went off in his lap and blew his balls off, and they landed in "Oozedick" Kawalski's mess kit, and...

Anyway, Honeysuckle and Lightbody's investigation of a mysterious woman who is going around seducing people into illegally having sex with her leads them to uncover a sinister plot that is directed at the President himself, and his virginal daughter, Jessica (Natalie Heck). 

But that's about as much of the story as I need to yak about, since it's really just an excuse for one comedy bit after another.  Much of this is similar to stuff like Mr. Show or SCTV, with generous helpings of Benny Hill thrown in.  There are a few slow spots along the way, but heck, even BLAZING SADDLES has a few slow spots. 

The commentary track features Thomas J. Moose (I wonder if he's any relation to Bullwinkle?) and Andy Sawyer, but I could only get through about half of it because almost everything they start to say is cut off by cries of intense pain.  For some reason they decided to play an old Victorian parlor game that administers electric shocks while talking about the movie, so the commentary sounds pretty much like this:

"So, these shots were taken in Manchester, and John Fedele, who stars in the movie as 'Honeysuckle', shot all the New York material, and we found that--AAAAGGGGHHH!!!"

"In fact, there were a couple of streets in Manchester that we used a couple of times, you'll see one later...in fact, there it is GAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!  BASTARD!!!"

Along with a short blooper reel and some trailers, the DVD also contains a thirty-minute short called FBI GUYS, which is a black-and-white mock episode of a 50s-type cop show that won "Best Program" in the 1992 USA Hometown Video Awards, whatever that is, and it's also hilarious.

No, this isn't a Woody Allen film, and it's not likely to pass within range of Roger Ebert's eyeballs any time soon, but SSI: SEXY SQUAD INVESTIGATION is brimming with babes and it's cheap, stupid, and funny.  As Major Kong might say, "a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff."

SSI: SEXY SQUAD INVESTIGATION -- DVD Review by Porfle

CLOAK & SHAG HER -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/24/10

 

With its poppy 60s-spoof packaging and "Austin Powers" overtones, CLOAK & SHAG HER (2008) looks like it's going to be as much fun as another  Seduction Cinema release I caught earlier, SSI: SEXY SQUAD INVESTIGATION.  But this one doesn't quite have the same mojo, baby.

I don't know about you, but I find extended softcore sex scenes to be even more boring than extended hardcore sex scenes.  Sure, I love looking at nude women, but watching long, drawn-out sequences of them coyly fiddling around with each other and doing R-rated stuff eventually makes me start to yawn, especially when a movie is composed of several of these scenes linked by brief patches of lame, half-hearted comedy. 

Maybe that's why I liked SSI so much--it had the same structure but the comedy was actually funny in its own dopey way.  And I think it helped that I saw the shorter version in which the pretend-sex scenes ended before I started to nod off.  SSI also had the advantage of some location photography, as opposed to the claustrophobic CLOAK & SHAG HER which was taped entirely under one roof, plus an overall sense of comic enthusiasm that is lacking here. 
 
The story, such as it is, concerns a scheme by the evil Dr. Mean (Darian Caine) to use a love potion to make horny yuppies more susceptible to her commands.  I think.  This is such a terrifying prospect that super-sexy secret agent April Flowers (Julian Wells) and her bumbling partner Basil Shagalittle (Dean Paul) are fetched from the late 60s via time machine and summoned into action.  This action, of course, consists of having sex with Dr. Mean and her minions.

The actors are adequate but nobody in the cast is in danger of winning an Oscar.  As April Flowers, Julian Wells is cute as a button and makes really cool faces during sex.  Dean Paul gives us his best Austin Powers imitation as Basil, but it just ain't happenin', baby.  Darian Caine is a little bland for a super-villian--she recites her lines okay but doesn't really put much into them.  As her minions, the sexy A.J. Khan and the incredibly non-sexy Shane Annigans (as the hulking, homicidal-but-sensitive henchman "Sid the Mangler") do what they can with their roles, while Ruby LaRocca is a lot funnier as herself in the making-of featurette than she is in the movie.

The extras also include a director's commentary and a bunch of trailers from other Seduction Cinema releases (most of which looked like more fun than this one).  And there's also a 2nd disc that consists of--surprise!--the film's soundtrack music by a group called Trigger Finger.  The songs tend to get a little monotonous, but this is mainly because they were written as backup to monotonous scenes.  Otherwise, it's a pretty cool CD. 

This might be a pleasant diversion if you catch it in the right mood, but it's just too blah for me to give it a "yeah, baby, yeah!"  The pop-art opening titles sequence, with all the female characters indulging in some topless go-go dancing to Trigger Finger's catchy main theme, is a lot of fun and kicks the movie off right.  It's too bad the rest of CLOAK & SHAG HER barely even tries to be as shag-a-delic.

CLOAK & SHAG HER -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE NEW ADVENTURES OF ALADDIN -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/10/17

 

If you're going to retell an old story in a fresh and funny way, you could do a lot worse than THE NEW ADVENTURES OF ALADDIN (2015). 

This breezy comedy retains only the bare bones of the familiar tale and fleshes them out with a fast-moving series of verbal and visual gags that hit the target more often than not and never let up.

Two homeless brothers, Sam (Kev Adams) and Khalid (William Lebghil), have gotten jobs as department store Santas so they can steal as much as they can from the place during the busy Christmas rush.

But when Sam gets stuck entertaining a bunch of kids while their parents are shopping, the impromptu tale he spins for them becomes a grand adventure with him as Aladdin and his well-to-do girlfriend Shallia (Vanessa Guide), who thinks he's a stockbroker, as the lonely princess being forced to marry the evil Vizir (Jean-Paul Rouve).

Naturally, Sam/Aladdin ends up finding the magic lamp after a nifty RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK-style foray into a booby-trapped castle and meets the excitable genie (Eric Judor). Meanwhile, through a series of twisted circumstances, Khalid has been enlisted to impersonate the Vizir's nephew and try to win the princess' hand in marriage.  Things get more complicated when the princess falls madly in love with Sam, now posing as a wealthy prince from out of town. 

Any attempt to recap the story sounds pretty stodgy compared to the light and delightfully funny way that it all plays out.  The gags come fast and furious, with a surprising blend of raucous slapstick and the kind of stimulating verbal humor found in such films as MONTY PYTHON'S LIFE OF BRIAN.

 

Sam and Khalid make a likable comedy duo and the rest of the cast range from deadpan (the grimly sinister Vizir) all the way to flat-out farcical (the neurotic genie). Audrey Lamy has a pleasing Andrea Martin quality about her as Shallia's maid Rababa.  Performances are generally spot-on, right down to the bit players.

The film is filled with amusing throwaway gags, as when a guard catches the Vizir talking to himself every time he goes into an expository monologue.  Since it's Sam's story, his Aladdin suddenly displays amazing fighting skills when he needs them, while naturally being irresistible to the princess.

In addition to a healthy dose of creative slapstick throughout are several satirical jabs at movies such as STAR WARS, RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and LORD OF THE RINGS.  (Look for an amusing cameo by Snow White.) One scene even manages to feature a comical beheading thanks to someone's ill-advised nitpick of the Vizir's grammar.

SPFX are nicely done and at times impressive, particularly the flying carpet effects which are helped by some panoramic CGI shots of ancient Baghdad.  The production values in general are consistently lavish and colorful.  In his feature debut, Arthur Benzaquen's direction is brisk and creative and displays a keen sense of off-the-wall comedy. 

French-to-English dubbing is pretty good so I had no problem with it.  (The film will also be available in a French language version with English subtitles.)  Some of the jokes are a bit on the crude side, so parents might want to watch first and judge its suitability for their kids.

A return to the present day wraps things up with a "And you were there, too!" conclusion that adroitly avoids being sappy while still delivering a mildly emotional lift.  (And reminding us that, after all, this is nominally a Christmas story.)  All in all, I found the cartoonishly fanciful THE NEW ADVENTURES OF ALADDIN to be a laugh-out-loud comedy romp that's brimming with fun.

THE NEW ADVENTURES OF ALADDIN -- Movie Review by Porfle

ODDS AGAINST TOMORROW -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 5/30/18

 

It's a familiar story: aging crook gets idea for the perfect score that'll set him up for life, then puts together a crew composed of the wrong guys and it all threatens to blow up in their faces. 

In the 1959 noir thriller ODDS AGAINST TOMORROW (Olive Films), Ed Begley, Sr. is the old, broken-down ex-cop with dollar signs in his eyes.  The guys he never should've invited onto the same team are a struggling young black man (Harry Belafonte) who owes a loan shark big-time, and an ex-convict (Robert Ryan) with a serious anger management problem and an even more serious hatred of blacks.

But Begley won't be put off--his simple plan for knocking over a smalltown bank after closing time on payday is just too "foolproof"--and he eventually coaxes the unwilling odd couple into joining up. 

Harry, a divorced father who loves his little girl (he gains our sympathy when we see them having a fun Daddy-Daughter Day together) must act when that powerful loan shark threatens both her and his ex-wife. 

Ryan, on the other hand, wrecks what sympathy we might have for him with his race hatred and general hostility, yet we feel sorry for his needy girlfriend Lorry (an excellent Shelley Winters) whose desperate love and financial support keep him afloat even as he cheats on her with the hotsy-totsy married woman upstairs (Gloria Grahame in fine form).

Director Robert Wise (WEST SIDE STORY, THE SAND PEBBLES, STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE) works wonders with his low budget in establishing a somber, reflective, sometimes ominous mood (he often pulls back the pace to let us drink in the atmospheric visuals and noirish ambience), with stark black-and-white photography that's crisply, achingly evocative. Both gritty urban and folksy small town milieus are equally well-rendered. 

We want to linger on such things early on because the intimate scenes are so well acted and written, and because the story deftly and gradually builds its suspense without rushing things toward what we know will be a devastating climax. 

There's even a long, pregnant lull before the bank job during which the ill-fated trio wait for sundown while quietly pondering what's in store for them, each in his own deeply contemplative way, as Wise indulges his keen eye for moody visual storytelling.

Performances are uniformly flawless--I was reminded just how solid an actor Ed Begley was, with equal honors going to top-billed Harry Belafonte and, in a real tough-guy role, the venerable Robert Ryan.  All play complex and conflicted characters, as do Winters and Grahame. 

Look for bit parts by young up-and-coming actors such as Wayne Rogers ("M*A*S*H"), Cicely Tyson, Zohra Lampert, Mel Stewart ("All in the Family"), and Richard Bright ("Al Neri" in all three GODFATHER films) as an effeminate muscle man for loan shark Bacco (Will Kuluva). 
 
The film's finale lives up to its meticulous build-up in ways that are both expected and surprising.  Director and writers handle it in consistently interesting ways, right up until a final irony that's startlingly apropos. 

Without undue sensationalism, ODDS AGAINST TOMORROW tells its tragic tale with a kind of sordid elegance and leaves us sad but satiated. 


Rated: NR (not rated)
subtitles: English (optional)
Video: 1.85:1 aspect ratio; b&w
Runtime: 96 minutes
Extras: none

ODDS AGAINST TOMORROW -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle