HOTEL CALIFORNIA -- movie review by porfle

While HOTEL CALIFORNIA (2008) seems at first to be just another modern gangster flick about young hoods on the come-up clashing with older and more powerful crime lords, it soon reveals itself to be much more thoughtful and character-driven than the usual SCARFACE knockoff. At the same time, the writing, acting, and technical qualities also distinguish it in other ways from the majority of such films.

Troy (Erik Palladino) is a small-time hood who, along with his boys Al (Tyson Beckford) and Pete (Simon Rex), works for a ruthless crime boss named Dimitri (Raymond J. Barry). When Troy is double-crossed by Latino drug dealer Manny Ramos (Douglas Spain), he disobeys Dimitri's orders not to stir up trouble between the two gangs and goes on a bloody campaign of revenge that leaves innocent victims in its wake. In a flash, both Dimitri and Manny's brother Hector (Yancey Arias, LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD) are out to get him, with his new girlfriend Jessie (a very cute Tatyana Ali) getting caught in the crossfire.

Troy disappears, only to show up back in L.A. two years later minus a leg (the result of yet another botched deal) but with a deviously clever scheme to settle all business with Dimitri and Hector while sorting out just which of his friends betrayed him and why. After a tense meeting between Troy, Al, and Pete in a rundown hotel room, the various factions converge in a bullet-riddled showdown that leaves dead gangsters all over the place.


Palladino, who played the volatile Seaman Mazzola in U-571 and has also appeared in such TV series as "NCSI", "ER", and "Joan of Arcadia", gives a convincing performance as Troy and manages somehow to make him likable despite the fact that he's only somewhat less scummy than those around him. Beckford proves once again that he's more than just a supermodel turned actor, while Rex also does a good job in his role. Familiar character actor Raymond J. Barry, known for such films as FALLING DOWN, BORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY, and WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY, is excellent as the scary and sometimes bloodthirsty Dimitri--his speech about a childhood incident that turned him into a killer , which he delivers through gritted teeth in extreme closeup, is gripping.

Although there aren't any good guys in the story, Troy is the most loyal and honorable of the bad guys and expects the same from his crew. And because he is "good" by default since he confines his violent acts to his criminal peers (barring the occasional stray bullet) and has a relative sense of morality--like Blondie and Harmonica in Sergio Leone's westerns--we're able to root for him and even admire his cunning and perseverence. Ironically, one of Troy's fiercest enemies, Hector, also has our sympathy due to the suffering Troy has inadvertently caused him by way of collateral damage, as we discover late in the story. We still side with Troy, yet both are justified in their lust for revenge.


Director Geo Santini is a scintillating visual storyteller who keeps things interesting with creative camera angles (which only occasionally get a little too decorative) and plenty of style. The screenplay by Christine Conradt, known mainly for her Lifetime Channel thrillers but here revisiting some of the same territory she explored in the above-average gang drama GHETTO DAWG 2: OUT OF THE PITS, is lean and to the point.

Without the usual showy dialogue, fanciful characters, or dazzling stunts, there's a naturalistic feel to the film's characters and events. The present-day scenes are carefully interwoven with the backstory until the missing pieces begin to fall into place and mysteries are revealed one by one. While the action and graphic violence serve the story rather than overwheming it, there's still plenty of both, and the film builds up to some pretty riveting moments.


The DVD is from Maya Entertainment and is scheduled for a March 23, 2010 release. I watched a screener so I can't comment on DVD details.

While HOTEL CALIFORNIA satisfies on a gritty action level, it doesn't simply excite us with visceral thrills for their own sake--it's a deeply-involving mood piece as well. Contemplative, melancholy, relatively subdued, and visually compelling, it's not so much a rollercoaster ride as it is an uneasy stroll on the bad side of town.

Buy it at Amazon.com

HOTEL CALIFORNIA -- movie review by porfle

Carter Stevens' Guide to TCM This Week (March 13-19)

March 13

10:00pm Dead Heat on a Merry-Go-Round (1966)
A sophisticated crook mounts an intricate plan to rob an airport bank. Cast: James Coburn, Camilla Sparv, Aldo Ray, Nina Wayne Dir: Bernard Girard C-107 mins, TV-PG

I'll watch any film and I mean ANY film with James Coburn in it. So should you.


March 14

2:00pm All the King's Men (1949)
A backwoods politician rises to the top only to become corrupted. Cast: Broderick Crawford, John Ireland, Joanne Dru, John Derek Dir: Robert Rossen BW-110 mins, TV-PG

Broderick Crawford was never this good again. Hell, I would have voted for Willie Stark.


March 15

4:15am Brute Force (1947)
Tough, disgruntled prisoners plan a daring, possibly bloody escape while on a drain pipe detail. Cast: Burt Lancaster, Hume Cronyn, Charles Bickford, Yvonne De Carlo Dir: Jules Dassin BW-98 mins, TV-14

Best prison film ever made.


March 16

4:00am Great Caruso, The (1951)
The legendary opera singer fights to win his place in society. Cast: Mario Lanza, Ann Blyth, Dorothy Kirsten, Jarmila Novotna Dir: Richard Thorpe C-109 mins, TV-G

I'm not a big Opera fan but Lanza was good enough to convince me that Caruso was the greatest singer who ever lived. Wait isn't that a paradox?

11:30am Lavender Hill Mob, The (1951)
An overlooked gold transporter with twenty years service plots to steal a million pounds of gold. Cast: Alec Guinness, Stanley Holloway, Sidney James, Alfie Bass Dir: Charles Crichton BW-81 mins, TV-G

My very favorite Alec Guiness comedy. I had a model of the Eiffel tower many years before I ever made it to Paris.

1:00pm Great Escape, The (1963)
Thrown together by the Germans, a group of captive Allied troublemakers plot a daring escape. Cast: Robert Graf, Nigel Stock, Angus Lennie, John Leyton Dir: John Sturges C-172 mins, TV-PG

Ok I'll admit it there are times TCM's guide listings confuse the hell out of me. A great film starring Steve McQueen, James Garner, Richard Attenborough, not to mention James Coburn and they don't list any of them in the credits. OK they list all the English actors but what is Richard Attenborough, chopped liver?

10:45pm High And Low (1963)
Kidnappers mistake a chauffeur's son for the child of a wealthy businessman. Cast: Toshiro Mifune, Tatsuya Nakadai, Kyoko Kagawa, Tatsuya Mihashi Dir: Akira Kurosawa BW-143 mins, TV-14

Kurosawa's take on a King's Ransom by Ed McBain Not to be missed.


March 17

Drink a green beer and settle down for a day full of seven Irish themed movies. And not one of them The Quiet Man.


March 18

Somebody at TCM has a sense of humor. The day after St. Paddy's they schedule some nice quiet Shoot 'em ups. Hope you don't have a hangover.

8:00pm My Darling Clementine (1946)
When the Clantons steal his family's cattle and kill his brother, Wyatt Earp signs on as sheriff of Tombstone and vows to bring them in. Cast: Henry Fonda, Linda Darnell, Victor Mature, Cathy Downs Dir: John Ford BW-97 mins, TV-PG

10:00pm Gunfight at the O.K. Corral (1957)
Dramatization of the legendary battle between Wyatt Earp and the Clanton Gang. Cast: Burt Lancaster, Kirk Douglas, Rhonda Fleming, Jo Van Fleet Dir: John Sturges C-123 mins, TV-PG

12:15am Hour Of The Gun (1967)
Wyatt Earp tracks down the survivors of the Clanton Gang after the gunfight at the O.K. Corral. Cast: James Garner, Jason Robards Jr., Robert Ryan, Albert Salmi Dir: John Sturges C-101 mins, TV-14

2:00am Masterson of Kansas(1954)
Sheriff Bat Masterson joins forces with Wyatt Earp and Doc Holliday to save a rancher framed for murder. Cast: George Montgomery, Nancy Gates, James Griffith, Jean Willes Dir: William Castle C-73 mins, TV-PG

Wait a minute, am I missing something was March 18th Wyatt Earp's Birthday??


March 19

2:00am Kitten With a Whip (1964)
A delinquent escapes from reform school and holds a politician hostage. Cast: Ann-Margret, John Forsythe, Peter Brown, Patricia Barry Dir: Douglas Heyes BW-83 mins

I don't care if it's a good film or if it's a bad film. It's called KITTEN WITH A WHIP and it has a young Ann-Margret in it. As close to porn as TCM will ever get.

Carter Stevens' Guide to TCM This Week (March 13-19)

"STOIC" On DVD April 13 From Vivendi Entertainment

WITNESS THE BRUTALITY OF HUMANS WHEN THEIR SANITY IS THREATENED IN "STOIC", ARRIVING ON DVD APRIL 13 FROM VIVENDI ENTERTAINMENT

Based On Shocking True Events

Synopsis: A group of nonviolent criminals locked in a single prison cell, where claustrophobia and paranoia threaten to steal their sanity, witness a shocking death and a mysterious cover-up.

Starring: Edward Furlong (Terminator 2: Judgment Day, The Crow: Wicked Prayer), Shaun Sipos (Melrose Place); and directed by Uwe Boll (In the Name of the King, Alone In The Dark II)

Winner of the Fantasia International Film Festival (France)

Price: $19.93
Run Time: 91 minutes
Order Due Date: March 9, 2010
Catalog Number: EF01350
Street Date: April 13, 2010
Languages: English
MPAA Rating: NR
Subtitles: English
Closed Captioned

Buy it at Amazon.com

"STOIC" On DVD April 13 From Vivendi Entertainment

MONDO RONDO! Hatton You Oughtta Vote?

"Long live the Rondos!" - Ain't It Cool News
"I love Rondo!" - Guillermo del Toro

Voting in the 2010 Rondo Hatton Classic Horror Awards continues! If you haven't done so already, be sure to let your voice be heard. There are 30 categories to choose from, including movies, TV shows, books, magazines, toys, artwork, horror hosts, controversies, and everything in between--including who should be entered in the hallowed Monster Kid Hall of Fame or voted Monster Kid of the Year.

[shameless plug] Even a certain website you may be familiar with is nominated and would appreciate your kind support! [/shameless plug]

The deadline is midnight, April 3, 2010. The final results are up to us--the fans--so be sure to drop by one of the following locations and cast your vote today!

Classic Horror Film Board Ballot Thread
Official Rondo Awards Website

MONDO RONDO! Hatton You Oughtta Vote?

CHARLES B. PIERCE, 1938-2010: The Filmmaker is Gone, But the Legend Lives On

Pioneer indy filmmaker Charles B. Pierce, who gave us some of the scariest and most popular homegrown horror flicks of all time, passed away in Dover, Tennessee on March 5th at the age of 71.

Pierce started making independent films in the 1970s while working as an advertising salesman in Texarkana, Arkansas, where he also hosted his own popular local children's TV show, "The Laff-a-Lot Club", as Mayor Chuckles. Working as a set decorator on such films as DILLINGER, THE OUTLAW JOSEY WALES, and many others, he hit the big time in 1972 as producer-cinematographer-director of the now-classic THE LEGEND OF BOGGY CREEK. This dark, semi-documentary-style tale of an elusive sasquatch known as "The Fouke Monster" roaming the backwoods of Arkansas scared the wits out of audiences to the tune of $20 million.

Later, in 1977, Pierce produced and directed another fact-based chiller, THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN, about a hooded serial killer who held 1940s Texarkana in a grip of fear as he struck at random and eluded capture. This film, which many who viewed it at the time still recall with a shiver, proved influential and predated such blockbuster slasher films as HALLOWEEN, FRIDAY THE 13TH, and NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET by several years. Pierce himself can be seen in a cameo role as a bumbling deputy.

Other films directed by Pierce over the years include WINTERHAWK, BOOTLEGGERS, THE EVICTORS, and the sequel BOGGY CREEK II: AND THE LEGEND CONTINUES, which inspired a popular episode of MST3K. Among his screenwriting credits are the "Dirty Harry" sequel SUDDEN IMPACT, in which he gave us Clint Eastwood's immortal line: "Go ahead, punk...make my day."

Daniel Myrick, director of the cult classic THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, told the Tulsa World newspaper of Pierce's influence over him in 1999: "We just wanted to make a movie that tapped into the primal fear generated by the fact-or-fiction format, like 'Legend of Boggy Creek.' That was one of my favorites; it freaked me out when I was a little kid. I was beside myself with fear for weeks after seeing that thing."

CHARLES B. PIERCE, 1938-2010: The Filmmaker is Gone, But the Legend Lives On

Carter Stevens' Guide to TCM This Week (March 6-12)

The 31 days of Oscar is over but not so you would notice...


March 6

6:00am Rhapsody In Blue (1945)
Fictionalized biography of George Gershwin and his fight to bring serious music to Broadway.
Cast: Robert Alda, Joan Leslie, Alexis Smith, Charles Coburn Dir: Irving Rapper BW-141 mins, TV-PG

Horrible movie. Nothing to do with real life, but the music, the music!!!!

8:30am Ladykillers, The (1955)
An eccentric bandit gang moves into a little old lady's boardinghouse to plot a major heist.
Cast: Alec Guinness, Cecil Parker, Herbert Lom, Peter Sellers Dir: Alexander Mackendrick BW-91 mins, TV-G

One of the great English Comedies. Remade as a horrible movie with Tom Hanks in buck teeth. See the original skip the remake (a good rule anyway)

5:30pm On the Beach(1959)
After a nuclear war, U.S. sailors stationed in Australia deal with the end of civilization.
Cast: Gregory Peck, Ava Gardner, Fred Astaire, Anthony Perkins Dir: Stanley Kramer BW-134 mins, TV-PG

One of the first and one of the best post Nuclear Apocalypse films. And Fred Astaire proves he can act with out dancing shoes on.

10:15pm Somebody Up There Likes Me (1956)
True story of boxer Rocky Graziano's rise from juvenile delinquent to world champ.
Cast: Joseph Buloff, Sal Mineo, Everett Sloane, Eileen Heckart Dir: Robert Wise BW-114 mins, TV-PG

Paul Newman in one of his very best roles and they don't even list him. WTF is with that?


March 7

4:15am Killers, The (1946)
An insurance investigator uncovers a string of crimes when he tries to find a murdered boxer's beneficiary.
Cast: Burt Lancaster, Ava Gardner, Edmond O'Brien, Albert Dekker Dir: Robert Siodmak BW-102 mins, TV-14

Based on a Hemingway story that one of these days I'm going to have to read. Don't wait watch this terrific movie now.

8:00pm Oscar, The (1966)
An unscrupulous actor fights his way to the top, destroying everyone in his path.
Cast: Stephen Boyd, Elke Sommer, Milton Berle, Eleanor Parker Dir: Russell Rouse C-119 mins, TV-PG

What can I say, I've got the Hots for Elke Sommer.


March 8

9:45pm Jazz Singer, The (1927)
A cantor's son breaks with family tradition to go into show business.
Cast: Al Jolson, May McAvoy, Warner Oland, Eugenie Besserer Dir: Alan Crosland BW-89 mins, TV-G

11:30pm I Am A Fugitive From A Chain Gang (1932)
A World War I veteran faces inhuman conditions when he's sentenced to hard labor.
Cast: Paul Muni, Glenda Farrell, Helen Vinson, Noel Francis Dir: Mervyn Le Roy BW-93 mins, TV-PG

Two in a row. The one that changed movies forever followed by the one that changed the penal system forever.


March 9

5:00am Casablanca (1942)
An American saloon owner in North Africa is drawn into World War II when his lost love turns up.
Cast: Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, Paul Henreid, Claude Rains Dir: Michael Curtiz BW-103 mins, TV-PG

You've seen it 30 times, come on admit it you want to see it again.

10:30pm Throne of Blood (1957)
Spurred by his wife and a witch's prediction, a samurai murders his lord to steal the throne.
Cast: Toshiro Mifune, Isuzu Yamada, Takashi Shimura, Minoru Chiaki Dir: Akira Kurosawa BW-110 mins, TV-14

Kurosawa does Shakespeare proud.


March 10

Fred Astaire night...7 movies in a row...Sorry not my cup of tea. I'm a Gene Kelly guy. But if you dig Astaire this is your night. Enjoy.


March 11

2:00am Road to Singapore (1940)
A runaway tycoon and his sailor buddy try to con their way through the South Seas.
Cast: Bing Crosby, Dorothy Lamour, Bob Hope, Charles Coburn Dir: Victor Schertzinger BW-85 mins, TV-G

Hit the road with Hope and Crosby. It's a fun trip.


March 12

4:15pm Walk, Don't Run (1966)
Set during the Tokyo Olympics, one of three unlikely housemates plays matchmaker with the other two.
Cast: Cary Grant, Samantha Eggar, Jim Hutton, John Standing Dir: Charles Walters C-114 mins, TV-G

Cary Grant's last gasp. But I would still take him over Jim Hutton if I was gay.

12:30am Them! (1954)
Federal agents fight to destroy a colony of mutated giant ants.
Cast: James Whitmore, Edmund Gwenn, Joan Weldon, James Arness Dir: Gordon Douglas BW-93 mins, TV-PG

Still the best atomic mutation monsters film ever made. I saw it in the theater when it first came out And when that little girl screams, “THEM” I still almost wet my pants.

Carter Stevens' Guide to TCM This Week (March 6-12)

"HARD RIDE TO HELL" On DVD May 25 From Vivendi Entertainment and RHI Entertainment

IT'S GOING TO BE A KILLER TRIP

The Grisly Chase Begins On DVD May 25--From RHI Entertainment and Vivendi Entertainment

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA (March 2, 2010) - Demon-worshiping bikers fire up their engines for blood when HARD RIDE TO HELL,burns its way onto DVD May 25 from Vivendi Entertainment and RHI Entertainment. After accidently witnessing a cruel human sacrifice, a group of defenseless campers find themselves on the run from a savage gang of bikers on the hunt for their next human offering. As the campers attempt to seek protection at an abandoned church, they find a dangerous priest on a mission from God and a mysterious young boy who carries a horrific secret.

A road trip of nightmares, the Spike TV original movie stars Miguel Ferrer (Traffic), Laura Mennell (Watchmen), and Katharine Isabelle (Ginger Snaps: Unleashed). HARD RIDE TO HELL will be available for the suggested retail price of $19.93.

Synopsis: A lonely stretch of Texas desert highway leads a group of campers on a one-way ride to hell after witnessing an obscene blood sacrifice. Now, with a group of biking devil worshipers on their tail, they are pawns in an ancient battle between good and evil. Pursued to a decrepit old church in a ghost town, the campers fall victim to a new hell - a strange young boy harboring a terrifying secret and a priest with a terrifyingly divine mission of his own.

BASICS

Price: $19.93

Street Date: May 25, 2010

Pre-book Date: April 27, 2010

Catalog Number: RH01373

Language: English

Running time: 94 minutes

Rating: NR

Buy it at Amazon.com

"HARD RIDE TO HELL" On DVD May 25 From Vivendi Entertainment and RHI Entertainment

"Stargate: Atlantis" The Complete Series - On DVD March 23

PEOPLE’S CHOICE AWARD WINNER AND THREE-TIME EMMY® NOMINEE

Exploding With Special Features Including Exclusive Bonus Disc--With Never-Before-Seen Footage, And Much More, The Thrilling Cosmic Series Lands On A 26-Disc Collectible Set March 23


LOS ANGELES, CA (March 2, 2010) – Explore the celestial wonders of an unknown world and experience the ultimate Sci-Fi adventure with “Stargate: Atlantis” The Complete Series giftset splashing on to DVD March 23 from MGM Home Entertainment. From award-winning Executive Producers Brad Wright and Robert C. Cooper, “Stargate: Atlantis” is anchored with a compelling ensemble cast including Joe Flanigan (The Other Sister), Rachel Luttrell (Imposter), David Hewlett (“The Triangle”), Jason Momoa (“Baywatch: Hawaii”) and Torri Higginson (The English Patient). Continuing the journey of "Startgate: SG-1,” television’s longest running sci-fi series, “Stargate: Atlantis” explores the great city of Atlantis built thousands of years ago by the Ancients and the new home base for an elite expedition team from earth. Overflowing with exciting quests and surprises, fans will experience every captivating, and spine-tingling mission of the Intrepid Team from their first hostile encounter to their last rescue mission.

Winner of the 2008 People’s Choice award for Favorite Sci-Fi show and three-time Emmy® nominee*, “Stargate: Atlantis” The Complete Series is the perfect gift for any sci-fi aficionado filled with all 100 episodes from seasons one through five, including a bonus disc with exclusive never-before-seen special features. The DVD giftset will be available for the suggested retail price of $199.98 U.S./$199.98 Canada.

Complete Series Specs: (Catalog #M120772)

Disc 1 (Season 1):

● “Rising” (Parts 1 and 2)
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood and Actor Joe Flanigan
● “Hide and Seek”
○ Commentary by Actors Rachel Luttrell, Torri Higginson and Paul McGillion
● “Thirty Eight Minutes”
○ Commentary by Actors Rachel Luttrell ad Paul McGillion
● Featurette
○ “Stargate: Atlantis” Set Tour with Directors Martin Wood and Peter DeLuise
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 2 (Season 1):

● “Suspicion”
● “Childhood’s End
○ Commentary by Writer Martin Gero and Actors Rachel Luttrell and Rainbow Sun Francks
● “Poisoning the Well”
● “Underground”
● Featurette
○ Diary of Rainbow Sun Francks
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery


Disc 3 (Season 1):

● “Home”
● “The Storm”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood, Writer Martin Gero and Actor David Hewlett
● “The Eye”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood, Writer Martin Gero and Actor David Hewlett
● “The Defiant One”
○ Commentary by Director Peter DeLuise and Stunt Coordinator Dan Shea
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “The Storm”
○ Mission Directive: “The Eye”
○ Wraithal Discrimination: It’s Not Easy Being Green
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 4 (Season 1):
● “Hot Zone”
○ Commentary by Writer Martin Gero and Actors Rachel Luttrell, Rainbow Sun Francks and Paul McGillion
● “Sanctuary”
○ Commentary by Actors Rachel Luttrell and Torri Higginson
● “Before I Sleep”
● “The Brotherhood”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood, Writer Martin Gero and Actor David Hewlett
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “Sanctuary”
○ Mission Directive: “Before I Sleep”
● Photo Galleries
○ Mission Directive: Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 5 (Season 1):
● “Letters from Pegasus”
● “The Gift”
○ Commentary by Director Peter DeLuise and Actor Gary Jones
● “The Siege: Part 1”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood, Writer Martin Gero and Actor David Hewlett
● “The Siege: Part 2”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood, Writer Martin Gero and Actors Joe Flanigan and David Hewlett
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “The Siege”
○ A look back on Season One with Writer Martin Gero
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 6 (Season 2):
● “The Siege: Part 3”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood, Writer Martin Gero and Actors Joe Flanigan and David Hewlett
● “The Intruder”
○ Commentary by Director Peter DeLuise and Actor Gary Jones
● “Runner”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood and Actor David Hewlett
● “Duet”
○ Commentary by Director Peter DeLuise, Writer Martin Gero and Actor David Hewlett
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “The Intruder” featuring Director Peter DeLuise
○ Mission Directive: “The Siege: Part 3” featuring Director Martin Wood
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 7 (Season 2):
● “Condemned”
○ Commentary by Director Peter DeLuise and Actor Gary Jones
● “Trinity”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood and Writer Damian Kindler
● “Instinct”
○ Commentary by Director Andy Mikita and Producer Paul Mullie
● “Conversion”
○ Commentary by Writer Martin Gero and Actors Joe Flanigan and David Hewlett
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “Instinct” featuring Director Peter DeLuise
○ Introduction to a Character: Ronon Dex
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 8 (Season 2):
● “Aurora”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood and Co-Producer Peter DeLuise
● “The Lost Boys”
○ Commentary by Writer Martin Gero and Actors Joe Flanigan and David Hewlett
● “The Hive”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood
● “Epiphany”
○ Commentary by Director Neil Fearnley
● Featurettes
○ Road to a Dream with Writer Martin Gero
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 9 (Season 2):
● “Critical Mass”
○ Commentary by Director Andy Mikita, Actor Rachel Luttrell and Director of Photography Brenton Spencer
● “Grace Under Pressure”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood, Writer Martin Gero and Actors Amanda Tapping and David Hewlett
● “The Tower”
○ Commentary by Producer Paul Mullie and Director Andy Mikita
● “The Long Goodbye”
○ Commentary by Director Andy Mikita, Actor Torri Higginson and Director of Photography Brenton Spencer
● Featurettes
○ Profile On: David Hewlett
○ “Stargate: Atlantis” Stunts
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 10 (Season 2):
● “Coup D’etat”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood, Writer Martin Gero and Actor David Hewlett
● “Michael”
○ Commentary by Director Martin Wood and Supervising Producer/Director Peter DeLuise
● “Inferno”
○ Commentary by Director Peter DeLuise and Actor Gary Jones
● “Allies”
○ Commentary by Director Andy Mikita, Writer Martin Gero and Actor David Hewlett
● Featurettes
○ Profile On: Paul McGillion
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 11 (Season 3):
● “No Man’s Land”
○ Commentary by Producer/Writer Martin Gero and Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood
● “Misbegotten”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer Paul Mullie and Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood
● “Irresistible”
○ Commentary by Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood and Director of Photography Michael Blundell
● “Sateda”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer, Writer and Director Robert C. Cooper & Director of Photography Brenton Spencer
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “Sateda” featuring Director Robert C. Cooper
○ Inside the Stargate: Atlantis Visual FX Department
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 12 (Season 3):
● “Progeny”
○ Commentary by Director Andy Mikita and VFX Supervisor Mark Savela
● “The Real World”
● “Common Ground”
○ Commentary by Director William Waring and Director of Photography Brenton Spencer
● “McKay & Mrs. Miller”
○ Commentary by Producer/Writer Martin Gero and Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “Progeny” featuring Director Andy Mikita
○ Profile On: Rachel Luttrell
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 13 (Season 3):
● “The Return, Part I”
○ Commentary by Producer/Writer Martin Gero and Executive Producer Paul Mullie
● “The Return, Part II”
○ Commentary by Producer/Writer Martin Gero and Executive Producer Paul Mullie
● “Phantoms”
○ Commentary by Co-Executive Producer Carl Binder and Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood
● “Echoes”
○ Commentary by Director William Waring and Director of Photography Brenton Spencer
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “Phantoms” featuring Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood
○ General O’Neill Goes to Atlantis
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 14 (Season 3):
● “Irresponsible”
○ Commentary by Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood and Director of Photography Michael Blundell
● “Tao of Rodney”
○ Commentary by Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood and Director of Photography Michael Blundell
● “The Game”
○ Commentary by Director William Waring and Director of Photography Brenton Spencer
○ Mission Directive: “The Game” featuring Director William Waring
● “Sunday”
○ Commentary by Producer/Writer Martin Gero and Director William Waring
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “The Game” featuring Director William Waring
○ Masters of the Alien
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 15 (Season 3):
● “The Ark”
○ Commentary by Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood and VFX Supervisor Mark Savela
● “Submersion”
○ Commentary by Director Brenton Spencer and VFX Supervisor Mark Savela
● “Vengeance”
○ Commentary by Director Andy Mikita and Creature Effects Designer Todd Masters
● “First Strike”
○ Commentary by Producer/Writer Martin Gero, Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood and VFX Supervisor Mark Savela
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “First Strike” featuring Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood
○ “Stargate Atlantis:” A Look Back on Season 3 with Martin Gero
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 16 (Season 4):
● “Adrift”
○ Commentary by Co-Executive Producer/Writer Martin Gero, Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood
● “Lifeline”
○ Commentary by Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood and Actor Amanda Tapping
● “Reunion”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer/Writer Joseph Mallozzi and Director William Waring
● “Doppelganger”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer, Writer and Director Robert C. Cooper and VFX Supervisor Mark Savela
● Featurettes
○ Continuum Trailer
○ Ark of Truth Trailer
○ Mission Directive: Doppelganger with Robert C. Cooper
○ A New Leader: Amanda Tapping Joins Atlantis
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery


Disc 17 (Season 4):
● “Travelers”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer/Writer Paul Mullie and Director William Waring
● “Tabula Rasa”
○ Commentary by Producer/Writer Alan McCullough and Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood and Actress Amanda Tapping
● “Missing”
○ Commentary by Co-Executive Producer/Writer Carl Binder and Producer/Director Andy Mikita
● “The Seer”
○ Commentary by Producer/Writer Alan McCullough and Director Andy Mikita
● Featurettes
○ Stargate SG-1 Seasons 1-10 Trailer
○ The Doctor Is In: The Return of Paul McGillion
○ “Stargate Atlantis” Bloopers
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 18 (Season 4):
● “Miller’s Crossing”
○ Commentary by Co-Executive Producer/Writer Martin Gero and Producer/Director Andy Mikita
● “This Mortal Coil”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer/Writer Joseph Mallozzi and Director William Waring
● “Be All My Sins Remember’d”
○ Commentary by Co-Executive Producer/Writer Martin Gero and Producer/Director Andy Mikita
● “Spoils of War”
○ Commentary by Producer/Writer Alan McCullough and Director William Waring
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “This Mortal Coil” with Director William Waring
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 19 (Season 4):
● “Quarantine”
○ Commentary by Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood and Actress Amanda Tapping
● “Harmony”
○ Commentary by Co-Executive Producer/Writer Martin Gero and Director William Waring
● “Outcast”
○ Commentary by Producer/Writer Alan McCullough and Producer/Director Andy Mikita
● “Trio”
○ Commentary by Co-Executive Producer/Writer Martin Gero, Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood and Actress Amanda Tapping
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “Quarantine” with Director Martin Wood
○ Mission Directive: “Outcast” with Director Andy Mikita
○ The Making of “Trio”
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 20 (Season 4):
● “Midway”
● “The Kindred”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer/Writer Joseph Mallozzi and Director Peter F. Woeste
● “The Kindred, Part II”
○ Commentary by Producer/Writer Alan McCullough and Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood
● “The Kindred, Part II”
○ Commentary on “The Last Man” by Executive Producer/Writer Paul Mullie and Director/Supervising Producer Martin Wood
● Featurettes
○ A Look Back at Season 4
○ Deleted Scenes
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 21 (Season 5):
● “Search and Rescue”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer Martin Gero and Director/Producer Andy Mikita
● “The Seed”
○ Commentary by Director William Waring
● “Broken Ties”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer Joseph Mallozzi and Actor Jason Momoa
● “The Daedalus Variations”
○ Commentary by Supervising Producer Alan McCullough and Director/Producer Andy Mikita
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “Search and Rescue” with Director Andy Mikita and Producer Martin Gero
○ Showdown! Ronon v. Tyre
○ Bringing the Seed to Life
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 22 (Season 5):
● “Ghost In The Machine”
● “The Shrine”
● “Whispers”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer Joseph Mallozzi and Director William Waring
● “The Queen”
○ Commentary by Supervising Producer Alan McCullough and Director Brenton Spencer
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: ”Whispers” with Director William Waring and Executive Producer Joseph Mallozzi
○ Tricks of the Trade: Submerging the Stargate
○ Joe Flanigan: A Conversation with the Colonel
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 23 (Season 5):
● “Tracker”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer Carl Binder and Director William Waring
● “First Contact”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer Martin Gero and Director/Producer Andy Mikita
● “The Lost Tribe”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer Martin Gero and Director/Producer Andy Mikita
● “Outsiders”
○ Commentary by Supervising Producer Alan McCullough and Director William Waring
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “Tracker” with Director William Waring and Executive Producer Carl Binder
○ Dr. Jackson Goes to Atlantis
○ Building a Humanoid with James Robbins and Martin Gero
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 24 (Season 5):
● “Inquisition”
○ Commentary by Director Brenton Spencer and Actor Tobias Slezak
● “The Prodigal”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer Carl Binder and Director/Producer Andy Mikita
● “Remnants”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer Joseph Mallozzi and Director William Waring
● “Brain Storm”
○ Commentary by Executive Producer/Director Martin Gero
● Featurettes
○ Mission Directive: “Brain Storm” with Director Martin Gero
○ The Life and Death of Michael Kenmore
○ Deleted Scenes (Part One)
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 25 (Season 5):
● “Infection”
● “Identity”
● “Vegas” (Extended Episode)
○ Commentary by Executive Producer Robert C. Cooper, Producer John G. Lenic and Editor Mike Banas
● “Enemy at the Gate” (Extended Episode)
○ Commentary by Executive Producer Paul Mullie and VFX Supervisor Mark Savela
● Featurettes
○ “Stargate Atlantis” Goes To Vegas
○ Inside the Stargate Costume Department
○ Deleted Scenes (Part Two)
● Photo Galleries
○ Photo Gallery
○ Production Design Gallery

Disc 26 (Bonus Disc):
● Mission 100: Atlantis Reaches a Milestone
● “Stargate Atlantis:” A Retrospective

Follow TCFHE on Twitter @foxhomeent

“STARGATE: ATLANTIS” THE COMPLETE SERIES
Street Date: March 23, 2010
Prebook Date: February 24, 2010
Screen Format: Widescreen – 1.78:1 (All)
Audio: English 5.1 Dolby Surround, French Dolby Surround (Standard) – Seasons 1-4
5.1 Dolby Surround, Spanish and French Dolby Surround (Standard)
Subtitles: English and Spanish – Seasons 2-3
English, Spanish and French – Season 4
English, Spanish and Portuguese – Season 5
English, Spanish, French and Portuguese – Bonus Disc
Running Time: 9000 mins.
MPAA Rating: NR
Closed Captioned: Yes
STARGATE ATLANTIS ™ 2010 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc

*2008: Outstanding Special Visual Effects for a Series; 2006: Outstanding Music Composition for a Series (Original Dramatic Score), music composed by Joel Goldsmith; 2005: Outstanding Main Title Theme Music, music and main title theme by Joel Goldsmith

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"Stargate: Atlantis" The Complete Series - On DVD March 23

May Releases From CBS Home Entertainment and Paramount Home Entertainment

PENN & TELLER B.S!: THE SEVENTH SEASON

Street Date: May 4

Prebook Date: March 23

Studio: Showtime/ Paramount Home Entertainment

Genre: Comedy/ Television

Stars: Penn Jillette, Raymond Teller

Synopsis: Master showmen Penn & Teller, deliver an aggressive, humorous expose of taboo topics, using the duos trademark humor, knowledge of carnival tricks as well as hidden cameras and blatant confrontation during the show’s seventh season. Emmy® nominated for Outstanding Reality Program and Outstanding Writing for Non Fiction Programming, "Penn & Teller: Bullshit!" continues its controversial muckraking throughout season seven by confronting many of the institutions society holds dear.

Supplemental Features:

• Widescreen Format

• Dolby Digital

• English 5.1 Surround

• English 2.0 Stereo

• Spanish Mono

Rating Not Rated (18A in Canada)

Running Time: 251 minutes

2 discs

S.R.P.: $29.99 ($34.99 in Canada)

FLASHPOINT: THE SECOND SEASON (US ONLY)

Street Date: May 25

Prebook Date: April 13

Studio: CBS Home Entertainment/ Paramount Home Entertainment

Genre: Action/ Adventure/ Television/ Drama

Stars: Enrico Colantoni, Hugh Dillon, Amy Johnson, David Paetkau, Michael Cram, Sergio Di Zio, Mark Taylor

Synopsis: Flashpoint is a drama which depicts the emotional journey into the tough, risk-filled lives of a group of cops in the SRU (inspired by Toronto’s Emergency Task Force). It's a unique unit that rescues hostages, busts gangs, defuses bombs, climbs the sides of buildings and talks down suicidal teens. Members of a highly-skilled tactical team, they’re also trained in negotiating, profiling and getting inside the suspect's head to diffuse the situation to try and save lives.

Supplemental Features:

• Full Screen Format

• English 5.1 • English Stereo Surround

• Special Feature : o Stunts o Weapons

Rating: Not Rated

Running Time: 338 minutes

2 discs

S.R.P.: $42.99

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May Releases From CBS Home Entertainment and Paramount Home Entertainment

John Woo's "RED CLIFF" - On Blu-ray Disc And DVD March 23 From Magnolia Home Entertainment

From Legendary Cinema Action Master John Woo Comes A New Epic Like No Other As RED CLIFF, Arrives on Blu-ray Disc And DVD March 23 From Magnolia Home Entertainment As Part of the Six Shooter Film Series.

Both the US Theatrical Version and the Original International Version Containing Part I & Part II with a combined runtime of almost five hours will be made available on Blu-ray Disc and DVD.

“THRILLING FILMMAKING...RED CLIFF BLAZES ACROSS THE SCREEN WITH A SWEEP THAT MOST MOVIES CAN ONLY DREAM OF.”- The Huffington Post

“Red Cliff is a legendary filmmaker’s visual symphony.”- Wall Street Journal

“A formidable prelude to an epic battle with resplendent effects and action spectacles.”- Hollywood Reporter


In 208 A.D., the Han Dynasty Emperor grants permission to the greedy General Cao Cao to form a movement that will pulverize two warlords who stand in his way. The warlords, Liu Bei and Sun Quan, are sworn enemies but know their only hope for survival is to band together and counter the attack. Although outnumbered by Cao Cao’s vast and fast approaching army, the warlords put their rivalry behind them and end up surprising all those who doubted their small brigade.

One of the most expensive film productions in Chinese cinema and the highest grossing box office, RED CLIFF garnered six Hong Kong Film ‘09 Awards including Best Art Direction, Best Costume & Make Up Design, Best Visual Effects and Best Supporting Actress. Back together for the first time since the classic Hard Boiled, RED CLIFF reunites legendary action-cinema master Woo and international superstar Leung.

Buy the international version at Amazon.com:
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Buy the theatrical version at Amazon.com
DVD
Blu-Ray

Buy the international version at HK Flix:
DVD
Blu-Ray

Buy the theatrical version at HK Flix:
DVD
Blu-Ray

John Woo's "RED CLIFF" - On Blu-ray Disc And DVD March 23 From Magnolia Home Entertainment

Sandra’s Fourth Ring of Hell: Everyday TV Dinners

CHAPTER 4: AVARICE AND PRODIGALITY-JOUSTING

Before I begin describing the fourth ring of hell in Sandra’s cookbook for kids, I wanted to clear up a misconception from my previous article. In the third ring of hell, I erroneously stated that Sandra’s picture that accompanies the “Ranch Slaw” recipe featured a “nice fat advertisement” for Sun-Maid raisins. While this remains true, I have recently discovered that this picture is not the most in-your-face depiction of Sun-Maid raisins in this cookbook. This picture that faces the Healthy is Happenin’ section of the cookbook is actually the most BLATANT advertisement for “kewl” raisins:

I apologize for any confusion this may have caused, but, either way, Sandra Lee remains a whore for corporate America. Now onto chapter 4!

The fourth ring of hell in Cool Kids’ Cooking (which from here on will be referred to as KKK to match Sandra’s love of alliteration and previous interior-design invention, the “Kurtain Kraft”) features what she calls “everyday” TV dinners. Apparently, Aunt Sandy or her editor never bothered to look up the term “everyday” to check its definition because I doubt she means “common, ordinary” TV dinners are the subject of this chapter. Rather, she seems to mean these are TV dinner recipes for every day of the week. Put down the cocktail and buy a dictionary, Sandra!

Sandy’s introduction to this particularly hellish chapter includes the following incoherent description of the life of a young child: “When you’re 5, cartoons are your life. That and the trampoline.” Now, I don’t know about you, but I never had a trampoline in my life. I do not have one now, and I certainly did not have one at the age of five. I guess Sandy is marketing her books to wealthy parents who can’t be bothered with caring about their children’s health and proper nutrition. Who else would relate to her mindless descriptions of youth?

Anyway, Sandra claims that this chapter of KKK will be about “traditional kid food with a twist.” One example of such food is “lasagna in cool gel pen shades of green and orange.” This is an exceptionally lame description of her lasagna with spinach and carrots that I suppose appeals to kids obsessed with gel pens. Do kids even care about gel pen colors? It just sounds bizarre to me. As a child of the nineties, I WAS obsessed with neon colors (I even called my black marker that came in the neon marker set “hot black” because it didn’t have a cool name like “electric blue” and “hot pink”…yes, I was very lame as a child), but I doubt children care about gel pens. This whole description appears to be yet another example of Sandy attempting to connect with the younger generation, but having no idea what kids actually like. Additionally, she continues to use “hip lingo” like “fuel that hype” and “leave the drama” as if any of these phrases make sense at all to young children. Finally, Sandra scares the bejesus out of me by coming OUT of the TV in the picture that faces her introduction. All I can think of when seeing this is the Ring girl crawling out of the TV (either one is terrifying).

The girl from The Ring:

Sandy coming out with two plates full of horror:

The resemblance is uncanny, yes?

Getting past the terrible introduction and horrifying picture, “Everyday TV Dinners” features ten recipes: “Meat Loaf Muffins,” “Porcupine Meatballs” (What an appetizing name!), “Hawaiian-Style Burgers” (Can you guess what makes them “Hawaiian?” That’s right…canned pineapple!), “Chili Spaghetti,” “Sweet & Sour Popcorn Shrimp,” “Chip Chicken,” “Taco Rice Bowl,” “Cheesy Chicken Enchiladas,” “Baked Chicken Pasta,” and the previously mentioned “Green and Orange Lasagna.” By looking at these items, one cannot help but ponder how the majority of them are appropriate for TV viewing. The recipes for spaghetti, lasagna, and enchiladas would likely lead to disastrous results if one were to eat them on a TV tray as Sandra suggests. She might as well add a recipe for Sloppy Joes (Sloppy Sandys? Ugh…too vulgar) because every other item will be smeared into the couch or carpet by the time these “everyday TV dinners” have been eaten by the youngsters.

Let’s start delving into these recipes by taking a look at one of the messiest possible: Chili Spaghetti. Now, as a child, I do remember eating spaghetti in front of the TV while watching the Sesame Street Christmas special (“Feliz Navidad!”), but it still does not seem like the best idea for children to be consuming such food near expensive electronics and carpets. Here is a lovely photograph of this recipe complete with “heart-shape toasted garlic bread [sic],” which the recipe says you can make “if desired.”

Wow…aside from the poor wording (“heart-shaped” makes more sense as an adjective for the garlic bread), how much do you want to bet that this picture is from a Valentine’s Day recipe on Sandy’s website or in another one of her cookbooks as a way to make your dinner “special” for Valentine’s Day? I am almost positive this was the case, especially because of the way the recipe has a tacked-on note at the end to apparently justify the photograph of spaghetti with heart-shaped garlic bread. It’s all too ridiculous, and thus, perfect for KKK.

As for the recipe itself, this is another standard stoner concept: Dude, let’s mix a can of chili with some pasta! Sandra informs the reader that he or she must use specific brand names for best results, yet again, including “precrumbled cheddar and Colby cheese, Kraft” (as though you can’t crumble cheese yourself) and “1 can turkey chili with no beans, Hormel” (because Sandy cannot be bothered with making her own chili and neither should you). After pimping out her fave brands, Sandra moves on to a basic recipe for spaghetti casserole with the addition of canned chili and precrumbled cheese. Wouldn’t “precrumbled” cheese be regular whole cheese since it has not been crumbled yet? Oh well…if I try to make sense out of Sandra’s vocabulary, I will be sitting here for years while she becomes the First Lady (side note: Is Andrew Cuomo seriously going to become the next governor of NY with Sandra by his side? As a possible New Yorker in the future, please kill me now!).

The next recipe I will be examining closely is “Chip Chicken.” Now, when you hear the words “Chip Chicken,” what is the first thing that comes to mind? Myself, I think of “chipped beef” but with chicken instead of beef. Gross, right? Well, actually, Sandra’s recipe is a basic as they come: this is your standard child-friendly recipe for chicken tenders rolled in potato chips. I remember making this exact same recipe as a child when my parents enforced a “the kids get to cook since they have nothing else to do” policy between June and August. During these summer months, I would have to prepare a meal for the whole family once a week, and one of my first cooking experiences was making potato-chip-crusted chicken strips. While this recipe is a bit messy, the results were pretty delicious; you get a crispy crunch without frying because of the potato chips.

I mention my childhood memories here because, as usual, Sandra will now muck them up with her version of “Chip Chicken.” The ingredients for this recipe are pretty simple by Aunt Sandy standards: chicken tenders, Italian salad dressing, ranch salad dressing, and two kinds of chips (plain and barbecue). Of course, my version of this recipe probably did not include the brand names Sandra mentions (maybe the Lays potato chips at most), but I know for sure I did not have two types of salad dressing as ingredients. Why would anyone want so many conflicting flavors in one meal? I cannot imagine how disgusting the combination of barbecue chips and ranch dressing would be. Also, once again, Sandra’s recipe offers little to no nutritional value unless you count fattening salad dressings as one of the major food groups. Since the fourth ring of Hell is about Prodigality, it seems important to note that this recipe calls for so many containers and plastic bags that it’s ridiculous. Sandra’s recipes are notorious for their wastefulness, and in this particular instance, “Chip Chicken” indicates that one must use two DIFFERENT Ziploc bags to crush the chips, when in reality, one bag would certainly suffice as all of the crushed chips are then placed in separate bowls. What a waste!

The final recipe I will be dissecting for this ring of Hell in KKK is Sandra’s answer to the KFC Famous Bowl, the “Taco Rice Bowl.” First, I would like to enlighten you all with a little background on Sandra’s relationship with KFC. Sandra Lee, as you might recall, was a celebrity (oh, please) endorser for KFC’s new Grilled Chicken meals.

How anyone can call that woman a “Chef” is beyond me, but these ads ran in conjunction with the highly successful KFC campaign for healthier food in early 2009. Anyway, I only mention this fact to help shed light on how Sandra would be aware of KFC and their food products. The Taco Rice Bowl featured in this chapter is remarkably similar to the KFC Famous Bowl, particularly the Rice Bowl, in its contents and presentation, e.g. throw a bunch of crap in a bowl. Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two “meals”:

The KFC Famous Rice Bowl, AKA the Vomit Bowl

Sandra’s “Taco Rice Bowl” (my husband says I looked just like the little girl when I was a kid...great!):

As you can see, both of these “Bowls” include a bunch of stuff thrown into a container so that the consumer can gulp down all of the contents at once; why use a plate when you can dump everything into one bowl? Well, I guess it’s not as wasteful as her other meals, but that’s not saying much.

Since Sandra has ties with KFC, I am going to make the assumption that this “Taco Rice Bowl” is her homage to/rip-off of the Famous Bowls. While this meal does seem like a good one for TV-viewing due to the ease of eating out of a bowl, this is by no means a healthy meal. The closest thing to vegetables in this meal is some lettuce (surely Iceberg, but surprisingly Sandra misses the opportunity to pimp her favorite lettuce brand name) and a couple scallion bits on top. The recipe also includes “grilled chicken strips, Tyson,” “1 can diced tomatoes, Hunt’s,” “1 packet taco seasoning, McCormick,” “2 cups instant rice, Uncle Ben’s,” and, as with the Chili Spaghetti, “1 cup precrumbled cheddar cheese, Kraft.” As you can see, there is not much “taco” to this meal aside from the seasoning and fixings and, in reality, it seems like the final product would be more like seasoned rice with stuff on top than anything taco related. One would assume there would be some type of ground beef or turkey or something to make this more taco-like, but no. Instead, Sandy includes cooked grilled chicken strips that aren’t even heated before adding them to the bowl. Also, there’s an option to add sour cream and chopped scallion to the top of your rice bowl, which I suppose makes it more “Mexicany.” Whatever the case, this recipe sounds again like stoner food for children, and the combination of ingredients is truly disgusting. I cannot imagine that the cheese would have properly melted or that cold chicken strips would taste that great on top of taco-seasoned rice. Again, Sandra takes something popular (though I have no idea why the Famous Bowls are popular) and turns it into sodium-filled, fattening crap with little nutritional value. Not that the Famous Bowls were EVER the paragon of healthy eating, but the point still stands that Sandra is the picture of prodigality in her ingredients, her methods, and her choices when it comes to cooking for kids. As for avarice, Sandra’s greed in terms of money and fame is apparent on every single page of KKK.

Next time, we will consider the fifth ring of hell, the oddly titled “Brainiac Breaks” (as if anyone ever considered Sandy smart). If you missed out on the first three installments, you can read about Limbo (“Bright Breakfasts”) here, Lust (“Lazy Day Lunches”) here, and Gluttony (“Meal Mania”) here.

As always, Dish Delish!

Sandra’s Fourth Ring of Hell: Everyday TV Dinners

THE SEXPERTS -- DVD review by porfle

Retro-Seduction Cinema takes us back to the steamy days of peep shows and 8mm nudie loops with the 2-DVD set THE SEXPERTS (TOUCHED BY TEMPTATION).

The fun begins with the actual packaging, featuring a sleeve which resembles a naughty paperback cover, a reproduction of the original 1965 poster on the front of the DVD case, and an 8-page illustrated booklet that offers much detail about the film's enterprising producer, William Mishkin, and behind-the-scenes info about the production itself.

After distributing some mild European softcore films with new, lurid titles such as "$100 a Night" and "Illicit Motherhood", Mishkin entered the nudie-film world himself with 1964's THE ORGY AT LIL'S PLACE. The success of this feature, which promised much more than it delivered, led him to follow it up a year later with THE SEXPERTS.

In THE SEXPERTS, we follow the adventures of two lovely roommates in New York: good girl Connie Mason (Rusty Allen), a swimsuit model who avoids hanky-panky and stays true to her photographer boyfriend Barry (Ken Curtin); and Liz Adams (Lana Lynn), an out-of-towner who plans to make it big in the theater no matter who she has to sleep with to do it.

Liz hits the sheets running as she auditions for a play by bedding the hot-blooded star Baxter Standish (Anthony Ford) and then the director, Douglas Baines (John Lyon), one of those sophisticated Greenwich Village beatnik types. Later she trades up by latching onto wealthy backer Leslie Carter (Lonnie Maggio), an older gent who's shopping for a replacement for his aging and constantly soused mistress Mimi (Dori Davis).

As a contrast to Liz' promiscuous activities, Connie's chaste daily routine involves nothing more titillating than bikini posing, strutting down the sidewalk while guys ogle her, and having a tiff with her boyfriend. The movie ends with a pretty tame orgy sequence with Audrey Mitchell of "Madame Olga" fame stripping down to her undies. As the "trappings of civilization begin to melt away", Connie flees with her virtue intact while Liz casts herself into the pit of debauchery by sidling up to strange guys and kissing them.

This is one odd little sexploitation flick. For one thing, there's very little nudity besides a few glimpses here and there. Mostly the girls are seen in slips, nighties, or bikinis--pretty much the same thing you'd find in the usual "Beach Party" film. And the closest anyone comes to having any real-pretend sex is for the guy to get on top (usually with his clothes on) and kiss the girl real hard. If released today, this would barely rate an "R."

The film's structure is odd as well. This "true story" begins with three aspiring moviemakers sitting around a desk, while the tale of Liz and Connie unfolds as the three men toss story ideas around. There's very little post-dubbed dialogue in the movie--in fact, much of the soundtrack seems to have been lost and replaced by narration a la THE CREEPING TERROR and THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS.

To make things even weirder, the narrator sounds just like the guy whose voice is heard in the classic "Mr. Bungle" children's educational film made famous by Pee Wee Herman. With its extended travelogue sequences such as Liz's day on the town with Douglas Baines or with her girlfriends on a weekend vacation at Leslie's beach house--which are packed with continuous voiceover by the cheerful, pleasantly-bland narrator and accompanied by "Leave It to Beaver"-type music--much of THE SEXPERTS actually comes off as a racier version of those creaky old films they used to show kids in school.

The narrator brightly informs us of Connie: "By day she's a sexy figure, modeling bathing suits so that the women of America can attract their future husbands." Of Leslie's first meeting with Liz we're told: "Now that he's tired of Mimi, Leslie, fishing for new trout, has checked his bank balance for a piece of new bait. He hopes that the fish he'll catch will prove tasty indeed." No, I didn't just make that up--THE SEXPERTS is full of this stuff.

Visually, it's surprisingly good. The print, taken from a 35mm source, is near-flawless, with crisp black-and-white photography, and the direction is competent. The actors aren't all that great but they give confident performances. Rusty Allen, who plays Connie, is probably the cutest of the female leads, but Lana Lynn as Liz isn't bad-looking either. Most of the other ladies in the cast are fairly attractive.

For added spice, clips from color nudie loops are inserted throughout the film. The original clips have been lost, so segments from similar existing loops have been substituted as indicated by the original screenplay. These short films are available in their entirety as bonus features on disc one, as are three vintage local TV commercials (for waterproofing, floor wax, and upholstery) featuring cast member Audrey Campbell.

Rounding out the DVD presentation are several trailers for other Retro-Seduction Cinema releases and some vintage theater bumpers heralding "Prevues of Coming Attractions" and "Our Feature Presentation", which add nicely to the grindhouse ambience. The second disc, "Naughty Nudes '65", offers eleven more scratchy old nudie shorts which, while incredibly tame by today's standards, are still a bunch of fun to watch. Some, like "The Jugs of Jenny" are backed by slow, sultry jazz or techno music, giving them an almost ethereal quality. And to make the experience more realistic, you can hear the constant drone of an old 8mm movie projector in the background. Now that brings back memories.

This DVD set has been put together with loving care and it shows. As face-value entertainment the material is sadly lacking, but as a nostalgic stroll down mammary lane it's priceless. I'd recommend THE SEXPERTS to anyone who ever ordered an 8mm nudie film from the back pages of a girlie magazine or sat in a dank theater or drive-in waiting expectantly for that elusive glimpse of black-and-white boobage.

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THE SEXPERTS -- DVD review by porfle