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Saturday, July 11, 2009



That's right--I received a copy of "THE DRUNKEN SEVERED HEAD SHOW" in the mail, popped it into my DVD player, and sure enough, I sighted him right off. Or perhaps it would be more grammatically correct to say that I "sought" him. Or maybe even "sawed" him. One thing's for sure, somebody definitely sawed him--his head off, that is!

Seriously, though, getting this DVD was a big surprise. Sure, I requested a copy, but getting it was a big surprise. That feeling continued throughout my entire viewing, as I kept asking myself, "How do they get stuff like this to stick to one of those discs?" And when it was over, I knew that I would never, ever, ever, never, ever forget this memorable occasion of me watching this thing where some people did stuff.

Yes, "The Drunken Severed Head Show" has actual people in it, just like a Steven Spielberg movie! Blogosphere superstar Max Cheney is the perpetually-soused title character in one of the finest neck-up performances since Jack Webb in DRAGNET. When he gets together with Chuck Alexander as the mad Dr. Emil Demahn, you'll think you've been transported back to the glory days of the old vaudeville teams like Schmeckel and Mountbatten, or those two guys who tried to escape from Alcatraz disguised as giant tubes of Preparation H.

"Last week, you may remember," the Drunken Severed Head addresses us, "we made a cocktail known as the Jack-o-Lantern. One gulp, and you're lit up and lying in the driveway. This week, we're gonna make a drink called the Gay Vision. One gulp, and you can't see straight."

My favorite part of the show, however, is the beautiful and sexy and beautiful Bella Morta, who is played by the--ehhh--Amberleigh Miller, who is played by herself. She has big boobies!!! And is a great actress. Ehhh. And last but certainly least is Lance Jerlsberg as Flotsam the Hunchback, who is played out.

DRUNKEN SEVERED HEAD: "That poor man. How did he get that hump?"

DR. DEMAHN: "From smoking too many Camels."

The thrill-packed story comes to its shattering conclusion when Dr. Demahn gives the head a mechanical body and it goes on a frenzied rampage of destruction the likes of which the world hasn't seen since Elizabeth Taylor's last bon-bon rolled under the couch back in 1987. And the very last shot was, like, totally copied by Stanley Kubrick in DR. STRANGELOVE! I smell a lawsuit! Anyway, I smell something.

Bonus features, we got. In fact, three whole commentary tracks we got. "But even CITIZEN KANE didn't get three commentary tracks!" you're thinking. FEH! CITIZEN KANE had a giant head, not a drunken severed head. Oxydation of the nitrate, it should get! So anyway, in the first commentary you get the Head, beloved film auteur Ted Newsom, and the venerable Jon Carradyne, as channeled by Ted Newsom. In the second, you the Head and the venerable Jon Carradyne, this time channeled, spanked, bikini-waxed, and hung up to dry by Ted Newsom. And in the third you just get the Head and Ted Newsom, channeled by Ted Newsom. Then there's a selection of deleted scenes and bloopers. Bloopers? Are those the scenes where they didn't screw up? Lastly, there's a photo gallery, which, to my surprise, contains actual photos.

According to the Hollywood rumor mill, this film went so far over budget that it singlehandedly drove Severed Head Productions, along with Someone Somewhere and Zeno Films, into total bankruptcy. Estimated final cost of the production is believed to have been well into the teens.

Co-director and star Cheney himself fills us in on the film's premiere "at a private gathering held at the recent Monster Bash convention. Actors Janet Ann Gallow, Jonathon Haze, Mark Redfield, and Jennifer Rouse were among those in attendance. And the amazing David Colton, too! The poor saps.

"Reviews were mixed.

"Ms. Gallow said it was cute and funny, and reminded her of a recent comic indie film she had a part in.

"My friend Rob Tullo said, 'Four copies would make a nice set of coasters.'

"My friend Robert Taylor said it was 'A horror pun-fest that only Max could have created. My prediction is that he will be up for an Academy nomination OR an atomic wedgie!'"

"Where in the world can I get my own copy of this masterpiece?" you may ask. Who are you talking to? I can't hear you. But to answer your question, you can get a copy of THE DRUNKEN SEVERED HEAD SHOW in either of the following two ways (three, if you have Max Cheney's home address and a box of Ding-Dongs):

1. Contact The Drunken Severed Head at his own incredible BLOG!
2. See it right now on YouTube!

After watching "The Drunken Severed Head Show", you won't believe it's only ten minutes long. Why, it seemed like it lasted forever! And even after repeated viewings, I seem to notice something completely different every time. Last time I watched it, I noticed that my toenails needed trimming and that there was a dark splotch on the wall behind the TV that looked just like Elvis--with big boobies!!!

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