RAGING PHOENIX -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 9/13/10

 

A fun, though somewhat exhausting martial arts action-adventure, RAGING PHOENIX (2009) is a consistently surprising mish-mash of different fighting techniques combined with just about anything else you can do with the human body. 

Young women are disappearing off the streets in broad daylight without a trace.  Deu (JeeJa Yanin, CHOCOLATE), a troubled girl with a dead father and an absentee mother, almost becomes one of them but is rescued by a group of unlikely heroes led by Sanim (fighting champion Kazu Patrick Tang).  He and his eternally drunk cohorts, Dogshit (Sompong Leartvimolkasame), Pigshit (Nui Sandang), and Bullshit (Boonprasayrit Salangam), then put Deu through intensive training in their fighting styles so that she can help them track down the evil Jaguar gang who are responsible for the abductions. 

The film has a pleasing contemporary look with Rashane Limtrakul directing much of it in a freewheeling music-video style that's only occasionally annoying.  The early fight sequences are imaginatively conceived and filled with delightfully unexpected moves that combine Chinese and Thai drunken fighting styles, breakdancing, parkour, gymnastics--even some modified ballroom dance and ballet moves when Deu and Sanim are working together--all of which is enhanced by a lighthearted sense of fun.  Much of the action during these scenes displays a sheer, reckless audacity that is thrilling.

Deu adapts her friends' methods of deriving strength from alcohol and, like them, is soon kicking her way through waves of opponents while in a drunken stupor.  Her training scenes are upbeat and filled with impressive feats of agility and acrobatic skill.  Adding to the excitement is the obvious lack of stunt doubles or wirework--most of the action is performed by the stars themselves, including a painful-looking shot of JeeJa Yanin doing a slow-motion backward fall of at least ten feet and landing hard on her back. 

While the film initially seems to be heading into comedy territory, things get serious when we discover why Sanim and his friends are after the Jaguar gang--each has lost a loved one to them and is driven by a lust for revenge.  Sanim's belief that Pai, his bride-to-be who was stolen on their wedding day, is still alive, fuels his drive to locate the gang's secret lair with Deu as the bait.  This eventually leads them into a vast network of underground vaults and tunnels, at which point the film begins to resemble something out of James Bond or Indiana Jones.

Asian female bodybuilding champion Roongtawan Jindasing enters the picture as the gang leader whose fighting skills prove to be virtually unbeatable.  While much of the battle action become less interesting as the film progresses, there's a hair-raising showdown between Sanim, Deu, and Roongtawan on a series of criss-crossing rope bridges over a deep chasm, which builds considerable suspense.  The set design here is quite elaborate and impressive, as is the choreography.  The only drawback to the sequence is the fact that, unlike the other lead actors, the exotic Roongtawan is often very obviously replaced by a stunt double.  And, as Austin Powers might say, he's a man, baby!

All of the leads are appealing, especially the very cute JeeJa Yanin who gets to show off both her physical prowess and her acting skills.  Kazu Patrick Tang also gets plenty of opportunity to emote as Sanim agonizes over the fate of his lost love, Pai.  This aspect of the story tends to get a little maudlin by the end of the film, which, at 114 minutes, is so long that the pace begins to drag in spots.  But there's so much incredibly-staged action throughout that one can easily overlook the film's imperfections. 

The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 1.78:1 widescreen with both English and Thai Dolby 5.1 soundtracks.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras include "making of" and "behind the scenes" featurettes.

With its dazzling mix of martial arts styles, acrobatics, and dance, along with great characters and an increasingly elaborate spy-movie plot, RAGING PHOENIX is an engaging action flick that's as likable as its winsome star.  There's so much going on in each scene that you may have to watch it again just to catch everything you missed the first time.

RAGING PHOENIX -- DVD Review by Porfle

MOTHER -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/4/10

 

Korean director Bong Joon-ho's MOTHER (2009) begins with Hye-ja Kim's title character standing out in a field, doing what I call a "sad dance."  Her movements are festive and celebratory--albeit in an empty, mechanical way--while her expression is anything but.  After watching her scintillating story you'll understand how she ends up in such emotional conflict.

Mother runs a modest herb shop and practices accupuncture without a license while caring for her teenaged son Do-joon (Bin Won).  He's several bricks short of a load, but he's a good-natured, childlike boy (he still sleeps with her) who generally means well.  Do-joon's best friend is a delinquent named Jin-tae (Goo Jin) who's sometimes a bad influence on him, although he does watch over the simpleminded boy like a big brother.  When Do-joon is accused of murdering a schoolgirl in what appears to be an open-and-shut case, Mother and Jin-tae form an unlikely alliance in order to prove his innocence.

I was afraid this was going to turn out to be one of those stories in which an eccentric old lady turns out to be a crackerjack detective, showing up the pros with her sharp wit, quirky methods, and old-fashioned common sense--sort of like what might happen if Miss Marple were Korean and had a son in prison for murder.  In fact, Mother turns out to be simply a desperate woman flailing around in the darkness, hoping to stumble across anything that might help her son.

When she does begin to pick up a few threads that might lead to an elusive clue, she's believably tenacious, resourceful, and brave.  When necessary, she becomes ruthless.  Still, she's a hopeless novice and most of her efforts, including hiring a slick, narcissistic lawyer, are in vain as she sacrifices her dignity and self-respect--ingratiating, imploring, demeaning herself, throwing herself on the mercy of anyone who'll help.

Just when things seem their bleakest, Mother gains an unlikely ally--Jin-tae, whose cunning and strong-arm tactics lead her and us into one of the most gripping sequences in the film when they question a couple of potential witnesses in an empty amusement park.  This yields an important lead regarding the murdered girl, which sets the final series of events into motion.

Through it all, Mother's victories are small, mostly hollow, and ultimately futile.  She struggles to keep her civilized veneer as she withers inside with each setback, until finally, in sheer desperation, she's reduced to an act that jolts the viewer's expectations almost as much as the shower scene in PSYCHO.

Slow-paced and involving, MOTHER is quite a rewarding experience for those who occasionally prefer subtlety and depth over constant action and sensation.  Thoughtful and rewarding, the film also has a nice visual style which is enhanced by a number of beautiful, evocative shots.  The cast is very good, with Goo Jin an enigmatic Jin-tae, Bin Won wonderfully childlike and naive as Do-joon, and Hye-ja Kim absolutely brilliant as Mother.  Her performance is both inspiring and heartrending, effortlessly carrying the film ever higher with each scene.

The DVD from Magnolia is 2.35:1 widescreen with a Korean 5.1 Dolby Digital soundtrack.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras consist of five informative featurettes focusing on "making of", production design, supporting actors, cinematography, and the excellent musical score by Lee Byeong-woo.

With MOTHER, Bong Joon-ho (BARKING DOGS NEVER BITE) applies his knack for deadpan humor to some deadpan irony, the bitterness of which doesn't keep it from being pretty delicious as well.  In the end, we understand the sad dance, and why Mother's movements are celebratory but her expression is desolate.

MOTHER -- DVD Review by Porfle

BLACK DEATH -- DVD review by porfle

Originally posted on 5/20/11

 

One of the most frightening periods ever--medieval Europe's Black Plague--is given a workout in BLACK DEATH (2010), a dark tale of the Dark Ages with plenty of oppressive atmosphere and grimy period detail.

With half of Europe's population dying off from what is widely perceived as a punishment from God, the church's attention is drawn to a remote village that seems untouched by the plague.  The knight Ulric (Sean Bean) and his men are dispatched by the Bishop to find out why, and to preempt any rumors of a secular salvation from the pestilence.  On their way, they pick up a young monk named Osmund (Eddie Redmayne) who knows the way and was already planning to flee the monastery in order to meet up with his childhood love Averill (Kimberly Nixon).

Early on, we see horrors that are the grim flipside of similar scenes done for laughs in MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL, as people "bring out their dead" to be carted away and a suspected witch is lashed to a stake to be burned by a frenzied mob.  Then we follow Ulric's group as they trudge downriver to the mysterious village, encountering some self-flagellating, cross-bearing refugees and a band of forest outlaws who engage them in a grungy, gory battle to the death.  Director Christopher Smith gets the look and feel of this stuff just right, as everything we see seems to have a veneer of filth and despair.
 


Osmund finds himself amongst a group of Christian soldiers who are hardened by killing.  Some of them, like Ulric and his stalwart lieutenant Wolfstan (John Lynch), suffer deep moral conflicts that mirror Osmund's own spiritual uncertainty.  Knowing that these guys are about to go up against an unknown evil that will test their wavering faith in God doesn't bode well for the outcome. 

Reaching the village, they discover it to be a seemingly idyllic plague-free zone presided over by a beautiful blonde woman named Langiva (Carice van Houten) and a large, vaguely friendly man (Tim McInnerny) whose name, "Hob", should set off a warning bell or two.  This is when the suspenseful slow burn of this leisurely-paced film starts to pay off, as the horrible secret of the village is revealed and our heroes face agonizing death. 

Ulric and the rest are severely tested as they are given the choice to deny God or die.  This begins a harrowing sequence which involves a number of nasty demises including hanging and being pulled apart by horses.  The most wrenching decision is faced by Osmund when his love for Averill is used against him in diabolical fashion, setting the stage for a downbeat ending that won't exactly have viewers whistling a happy tune during the closing credits.
 


Director Smith renders all this in an earthy, matter-of-fact style with lots of handheld camera and very little flash.  The cast play their roles with conviction, with Sean Bean his usual lovable self and Eddie Redmayne doing a good job portraying a young monk in the middle of a spiritual crisis he's hardly ready to endure.  As Langiva, Carice van Houten embodies the silkily seductive evil that holds the village in its grip.  Old fave David Warner shows up in a few brief scenes as the abbott of Osmund's monastery. 

The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 2.40:1 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound and Spanish subtitles.  A "making of" featurette and cast and crew interviews consist mainly of everyone gushing about how wonderful everyone else is.  Also included are some deleted scenes, behind-the-scenes footage, an HDNet short, a trailer, and an authorization code for obtaining a digital copy of the film.

While I didn't find BLACK DEATH particularly stunning or emotionally effecting, it is a worthy and well-made Gothic horror tale that kept me involved right up to the bleak ending.  Best of all, it gives Sean Bean a chance to be Sean Bean, and that alone makes it worth checking out.

BLACK DEATH -- DVD review by porfle

MUAY THAI GIANT -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/22/11

 

An odd buffet of kid-friendly comedy, violent crime, and bone-crushing fight action, MUAY THAI GIANT (aka "Somtum", 2008) goes down pretty easy. 

Seven-foot-tall former wrestler Nathan Jones (THE CONDEMNED, THE PROTECTOR) plays Barney Emerald, an Australian tourist stranded in Thailand without money or passport after being mugged.  When Dokya (Sasisa Jindamanee, BORN TO FIGHT) and her adopted sister Katen (Nawarat Techarathanaprasert) are menaced by thugs in an alley, they run to Barney for help, but he turns out to be as meek as a kitten despite his size.

The girls take Barney to their mother's humble cafe' where he is urged to try some of her somtum.  The spicy dish drives him wild and he wrecks the place in a fit of mindless rage.  Vowing to pay for the damages, Barney enters a local fight competition but is a washout.  Kickboxer Dokya is also thwarted when her larger male opponent cheats.  During the fight, pickpocket Katen steals a key from some jewel thieves and our heroes get caught up in a major heist operation with some ruthless characters.  Will Barney conquer his fears and come through for the girls?

As the gentle giant Barney, Nathan Jones is a likable lug who takes to this sort of light comedy pretty well--his early scene with a tiny, curious girl in a police station waiting room is charming--and is convincing enough as a lily-livered lummox.  He seems to enjoy playing the pratfalling oaf who shrinks from violence until his character gets a mouthful of somtum and goes Popeye on the bad guys.  One of the film's funniest moments is a fantasy segment in which he imagines himself earning extra money as a male stripper.



Jones also has great chemistry with the two young female leads, who are exceptional actresses both in the lighter moments and the more dramatic ones.  Nawarat Techarathanaprasert handles the latter with the most feeling, while junior national Muay Thai kickboxing champion Sasisa Jindamanee throws herself into the frenetic fight scenes like an old pro.

Thai action legend Panna Rittikrai, the film's fight coordinator, comes through with a series of clashes that combine slapstick with his trademark hard-hitting style.  Food is a major theme with one fight taking place in a kitchen and involving various cooking utensils as well as some blinding lime juice, with guest star Dan Chupong (ONG BAK series) managing to dice a few vegetables while mopping the floor with various opponents.  Later, Dokya is accosted again by neighborhood thugs in a sidewalk marketplace and gets some help from Kessarin Ektawatkul (CHAI LAI ANGELS, FINAL TARGET) as a papaya vendor who uses her wares as high-speed projectiles. 

Everything leads up to the climactic free-for-all between the good guys and the diamond thieves in a wild mish-mash of Muay Thai, wrestling, and the kind of go-for-broke stunts common to many Thai action films (along with a few instances of realistic gangster-style violence that seem somewhat out of place).  Here we get to see the kind of dazzling stunts and choreography that we're used to seeing from Panna Rittikrai, as the actors and stunt players perform with fearless abandon.
 


Obvious wirework is kept to a minumum and the main emphasis is on sheer physical mayhem and destruction, with Sasisa Jindamanee getting right into the middle of things along with the big boys.  Jones finally gets to show his stuff when a fresh dose of spicy somtum turns him into a rampaging human rhinoceros who takes on a private jet full of escaping bad guys head-on.

The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 1.78:1 widescreen with English and Thai Dolby 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  Extras consist of "making of" and "behind the scenes" featurettes, the international trailer, and trailers from other Magnet releases.

A lightweight comedy that never takes itself too seriously, MUAY THAI GIANT also has its heartfelt moments as well thanks to some appealing performers playing likable characters.  Best of all, it delivers a full order of the kind of action that should leave wrestling and kickboxing fans well satisfied.

MUAY THAI GIANT -- DVD Review by Porfle

ONG BAK 3 -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 2/10/11

Martial arts superstar Tony Jaa and his mentor Panna Rittikrai have collaborated once again to give us ONG BAK 3 (2010), the final film in the trilogy they began in 2003.  While pretty to look at, you have to wait for the fists and feet to start flying before things get really interesting.

Taking place once again in 15th-century Thailand and resuming where the previous film left off, the evil Lord Rajasena (Sarunyu Wongkrajang) has captured Tien (Jaa) and orders every bone in his body broken.  Tien doesn't submit to this quietly, hence the film's first frenetic fight scene which is pretty impressive.  What follows after he's subdued is a gratuitous martyrdom sequence that may remind you of PASSION OF THE CHRIST, especially since Tien is later resurrected after his body is returned to his village. 

In addition to this prolonged execution scene, the subsequent passages showing Tien's agonizing struggle to recover from his injuries and regain his fighting abilities show the tendency of directors Jaa and Rittikrai to overdramatize.  Heavily stylized almost to abstraction, these fever dream-like scenes come at us one after another with a vengeance, striving for one emotional crescendo after another until the viewer is numbed by them.
 

It's almost as though the film itself were a hardnosed drill sergeant relentlessly prodding our emotions along--"FEEL, two, three, four!"--with the grandiose musical score working overtime to drive it all home.  Sometimes this works, but at other times, such as when Tien's beloved Pim (Primorata Dejudom) urgently sings while Tien lurches his way through dance therapy, come off as somewhat goofy.  A later, quieter scene with Pim and a recovering Tien sharing a romantic dance together turns into yet another superficial slow-motion montage of lap-dissolving images rather than a truly meaningful exchange.

Despite all of this, however, ONG BAK 3 turns into a real dynamo whenever the action kicks in. The creepy Crow Ghost, Bhuti Sangkha (Dan Chupong), a supernatural entity who takes on Lord Rajasena in his quest for power, has a ruthless fighting style and plows through scores of opponents with acrobatic abandon.  When he usurps Rajasena's crown and kidnaps the people of Tien's village (including Pim) as slaves, Tien wages a spectacular one-man battle against his guards that ends with a showdown between him and Crow Ghost that pulls out all the stops.

This fight sequence takes place amidst several elephants with the participants coming dangerously close to getting trampled at times.  The huge beasts figure into the action in other surprising ways as well, as stuntmen bounce off of them like rag dolls or swing on their tusks to launch themselves at each other.


You really have to hand it to these fearless Thai stuntmen who literally throw themselves into their work with such reckless abandon--several times I had to rewind and watch certain stunts over again just to make sure I really saw someone do something that dangerous.  With masters of such stunning physical prowess as Jaa and Chupong working with these amazing and dedicated stunt performers, and directors that know how to shoot it all to its best advantage, the thrilling fight sequences are truly a wonder to behold. 

The DVD from Magnolia's "Magnet" label is in 2.35:1 widescreen with Thai and English soundtracks (Dolby 5.1 and 2.0) and English and Spanish subtitles.  Extras consist of the brief featurette "HDNet: A Look at Ong Bak 3" and a trailer.

ONG BAK 3 is extravagantly photographed but rarely reaches the emotional intensity it labors to achieve.  Only when Tony Jaa cranks it up and dazzles us with those famous martial arts moves does the film become as much fun to watch as we want it to be, and when it does, it's riveting.

ONG BAK 3 -- DVD Review by Porfle

CHAI LAI ANGELS: DANGEROUS FLOWERS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/9/09

 

 

Judging by the cover art and synopsis, the Thai action-comedy CHAI LAI ANGELS: DANGEROUS FLOWERS (2006) looked so dumb that I expected to have a fun time by not taking it too seriously. After a few minutes, however, it became clear that the only way to enjoy this movie at all is to take it super-duper unseriously, and even then you might have trouble sticking with it to the end.

The story concerns five beautiful (more or less) female agents who live in a mansion, work for a mysterious slob (Petchtai Wongkamlao, ONG-BAK) who sends them on various missions, and are all code-named after flowers. Rose, Lotus, Hibiscus, Pouy-sian, and Spadix are ordered to prevent the Dragon crime syndicate from kidnapping a litle girl named Miki who knows the secret location of an enormous pearl of great value--removal of which from its ocean environment may upset the balance of nature and destroy the ecosystem.

Of course, Miki gets kidnapped and the Chai Lais must spend the rest of the movie trying to get her back while battling the Dragon minions, including a big, prissy transvestite named King Kong and Miki's evil stepmother Mei Ling, who's in on the whole thing. Along the way they encounter a band of super-powerful bounty hunters and an army of what appear to be rejects from the Crazy 88s, while still finding time to fall in love, dance around in skimpy clothes, and look semi-fabulous.

I wasn't sure exactly what the movie's tone was going to be until I started to hear cartoon sound effects during the first kidnapping attempt on a plane. This scene lets us know right off the bat that whenever an action sequence is about to start, all the cameramen suddenly spaz out and start doing the watusi. Rarely have I seen such seriously bad Shaky-Cam, rendering much of what's going on almost incomprehensible and a real headache to try and follow. This occurs in every action scene, which is a major detriment that gives the entire film an overall slapdash quality.

With better direction and choreography, some of this stuff might've been almost spectacular. There's lots of promise to these setpieces, particularly the one in which the Chai Lais are attacked at a beauty spa and must go into battle in the middle of a shopping mall dressed only in towels. A car chase through city traffic has them hanging from a speeding van and leaping from vehicle to vehicle with some impressive stuntwork. Again, however, we're left with dizzying camerawork that turns everything into a kinetic mush.

The fights themselves feature very little actual choreography--they're mainly just a lot of very simple moves edited together. The only person who looks like she's really performing anything of this nature is Miki, who proves quite a handful to her captors. Her fight against a mob of bad guys is pretty funny, especially when some over-the-top wirework has her leaping over their heads and spin-kicking them all into dreamland like a top.

There are the occasional seriocomic romantic interludes thrown in here and there, mainly between Rose and her boyfriend Gus. Her job as a Chai Lai Angel will become a sticking point in their marriage plans, especially after the Dragons capture him to use as a hostage. This subplot provides the film with one of its few really serious moments. Hibiscus, who's cute and shy even though their boss says she has a "hillbilly face", finds herself the object of affection from a handsome young cop who gets involved in the whole mess.

The level of humor varies wildly between occasionally clever parody of films such as CHARLIE'S ANGELS and the kind of live-action superhero stuff Filmation used to do on Saturday mornings, with generous dollops of Adam West-style "Batman" silliness mixed in. SCTV's Johnny LaRue seems to be behind some of the more girlie-show sequences such as Rose's underwear bedroom dance to the film's theme song. Lotus' club dance inside a big plastic ball is also way hot, and of course the girls end up in bikinis before it's over.

Some of the slapstick becomes quite violent as King Kong gets shot, loses body parts, and gets squirted in the face with his own blood, all for comic effect. A late character in the film, King Kong's dimwitted, severely crosseyed protege, ends up shooting him every time she aims at someone else. She and Miki, who's such an effective fighter that she eventually joins the Chai Lais herself, are probably the funniest characters in the film.

The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby 5.1. You can listen to the original Thai soundtrack with English or Spanish subtitles, or an English dub. Extras include about fifteen minutes of cast interviews, two "Spice Girls"-style music videos, and an international trailer.

CHAI LAI ANGELS: DANGEROUS FLOWERS is a loud, colorful mess of a movie that is lighthearted dumb fun one minute and cheap-looking tedium the next. It's loaded with action, but it's so poorly shot that you might go crosseyed yourself trying to focus on what's going on. And it's so cartoonish at times that it almost makes CHARLIE'S ANGELS look like CASINO ROYALE.

CHAI LAI ANGELS: DANGEROUS FLOWERS -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE WARLORDS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/30/10

 

Drama, intrigue, and bone-crushing battle action combine in THE WARLORDS (2007), a fact-based war epic which takes place in late 1800's China during a terrible civil war.

Pang (Jet Li), a commander in the Ching army, is the sole survivor of a battle against Taiping rebels.  He finds himself allied with a ragtag band of thieves led by Er-Hu (Andy Lau) and Wu-Yang (Takeshi Kaneshiro, RED CLIFF), whose village is constantly being raided by the vile General Ho of the Ching forces.  Pang suggests that Er-Hu and his men join the military in order to feed their people and reduce their vulnerability.  Becoming blood brothers, Pang, Er-Hu, and Wu-Yang lead their army in a series of conquests which bring them to the attention of the Imperial Council, a group of deceitful, self-serving old men who profit from the war and don't want it to end.

The blood brothers eventually find their bond severely tested as Er-Hu is shocked by Pang's growing ruthlessness and ambition.  Complicating matters is the fact that Er-Hu's wife Lian (Jinglei Xu) has fallen in love with Pang, which Wu-Yang believes is adversely affecting Pang's decisions as the split between him and Er-Hu widens.  With the Imperial Council wielding their influence behind the scenes, each man chooses a course of action that could lead them to disaster.

THE WARLORDS is beautifully directed and photographed, particularly during the dramatic scenes which take up most of the film's latter half.  But in the earlier battle sequences the emphasis isn't on pictorial splendor or style as much as a gritty, rough-hewn realism.  Beginning with the attack on a Taiping supply convoy by Er-Hu's band of thieves and continuing with their conquest of Shu City--with the group now an army battalion under Pang's command--the film bristles with massive scenes of bloody violence.

There's no dazzling martial arts or fancy swordplay (director Peter Chan consciously avoided the fantasy-tinged "wuxia" style of the Chang Cheh films or even some of the later Chinese historical epics).  This is grueling, blood and thunder, hack and slash battle consisting of crowds of men trying to butcher each other.  The Shu City battle is the action highlight of the film, especially when Jet Li's ferocious General Pang thrusts himself into the thick of things.  A couple of the CGI moments are a little off--when Pang slashes the legs off half a dozen opponents with one swipe, it doesn't look very convincing--but when he hoists up a lit cannon and uses it to blow the hell out of all the enemy's other cannons, it's pretty thrilling.

The rest of the movie concentrates on political intrigue as Pang's rise to power is fueled by conflicting motives and he finds himself at odds with Er-Hu, who only wants justice for the poor and a simple life with Lian.  Wu-Yang is caught in the middle and is forced to take drastic action to preserve their bond, but the Imperial Council pulls all their strings to the very end.

If you're looking for wall-to-wall battle action you'll be disappointed--still, the drama and ultimate tragedy of this story are compelling.  There is, finally, a genuine martial arts battle near the end which is integral to the plot and, again, is depicted very realistically.  All of this is aided considerably by the fine performances of the four leads, with the world-weary, battle-scarred Jet Li proving himself quite capable as a dramatic actor.

The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 2.35:1 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 English and Mandarin soundtracks.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras include the documentary "117 Days: A Production Journal" and deleted scenes.

Depicting a harsh and fascinating era in Chinese history, THE WARLORDS succeeds both as a thrilling war movie and an emotional story of political intrigue and personal tragedy.  It doesn't aspire to the conspicuous visual poetry of a film like RED CLIFF, but instead displays its own straightforward, hard-edged style that's just as effective.

THE WARLORDS -- DVD Review by Porfle

SURVEILLANCE -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/17/09

 

Jennifer Lynch may not have quite as bizarre a visual sense as her dad, but as far as being able to write and direct a mindbending and deliriously fun movie goes, the acorn didn't fall very far from the tree. Weird as it may seem to describe such a shocking and gory film as "fun", I had a great time watching SURVEILLANCE (2008) twist and turn its way through a constantly surprising storyline to its demented end.

Two visiting FBI agents, Sam Hallaway (Bill Pullman) and Elizabeth Anderson (Julia Ormond) are summoned to a smalltown police station to help clear up a multiple murder which occurred on a desolate stretch of highway. Three interrogation rooms are set up with Hallaway manning the surveillance monitors. Bloody, battered Officer Bennet (Kent Harper), injured in the attack and extremely distraught over the death of his partner Jim Conrad (French Stewart), is a hostile witness who is obviously hiding something. Bobbi (Pell James), a young blonde dopehead, struggles to give a lucid account to a couple of jeering cops. Meanwhile, Anderson tries to coax the story out of Stephanie (Ryan Simpkins), a quietly observant little girl who may be the only key to the truth.

The plot unfolds at a leisurely pace and takes its time piecing together flashbacks of what happened from the three disparate perspectives. The two bad-boy cops, Bennet and Conrad, enjoy shooting out tires and terrorizing innocent passersby. A couple of fun-loving hopheads, Bobbi and her boyfriend Johnny (Mac Miller) are out joyriding and getting high. Meanwhile, a station wagon contains a vacation-bound family that includes Mom (Cheri Oteri), stepdad (Hugh Dillon), brother Curtis (Kyle Briere), and little Stephanie. When the druggie couple and the family become the latest victims in Bennet and Conrad's "good cop/bad cop" routine, the terror is just getting started--little do any of them know that two insane, bloodthirsty serial killers, whom we've already seen committing a horrifying home invasion, are on the highway as well, and they're all headed for a catastrophic collision.

The smalltown police station where the interrogations occur is the sort of place where David Lynch might have put fish in the coffee pots, but daughter Jennifer relies on a slowly building air of tension, suspicion, and unease to keep us on edge. There's a definite mistrust and resentment between the cops and the FBI agents that we know can't be good. Officer Bennet, in particular, seems ready to go postal at any moment as the ghastly events on the highway keep churning through his unstable mind. Bobbi has trouble convincing the two inept cops questioning her of anything besides the fact that she's a drugged-out ditz. The only person who seems capable of shedding any light on the matter is Stephanie, the little girl with a knack for noticing things other people miss. Ryan Simpkins is a naturally talented child actress who gives the role a haunting quality.

I wish I could say more about the plot but that would be giving away too much. Suffice it to say that there are two major sequences--both explosively violent, gory, and shocking--in which the fertilizer hits the ventilator in a big way. The first takes place out on that desolate highway after the two cops' terrorization of the hapless civilians is finally over and everyone's catching their breath, when suddenly... Metal rends, glass shatters, blood splatters, and people die in really bad ways. Fetchingly cute SNL alum Cheri Oteri is very good here, as is former "Third Rock" star French Stewart. What happens is well-staged and jaw-dropping, and we're left more than a little breathless.

Then comes the big climax in the police station, and I mean that in more ways than one. All the suspicions are out in the open and the truth is revealed at last in a twist that I found satisfyingly twisted even though I pretty much saw it coming. And even then, it just keeps getting twistier. And weirder. And sicker. It's fun to watch the lead actors performing this over-the-top material so well and giving it all they've got. Best of all are Bill Pullman, who gives one of his most interesting performances here as the hangdog FBI agent in the rumpled black suit, and Julia Ormond, who's even better as his partner. I should also mention longtime fan fave Michael Ironside, who gets to play a good guy (or does he?)

Jennifer Lynch proves that she can not only write a scintillating screenplay (with co-writer Kent Harper), but she can also direct it with imagination and style. There's an effective contrast between the claustrophobic station scenes and the expansive highway sequences, which feature some neat tracking shots and take full advantage of those flat, empty Saskatchewan vistas. Lynch also has a knack for working with actors and getting just what she wants out of them while encouraging them to make their own creative contributions.

The DVD on Magnolia's "Magnet" label is 2.35:1 widescreen with 5.1 and 2.0 Dolby Digital sound. Bonuses include the making-of featurettes "Surveillance: The Watched are Watching" and "HDNet: A Look at Surveillance." There are also deleted scenes (with commentary), an alternate ending which I'm glad wasn't used even though it's interesting to watch, and a commentary featuring Lynch and castmembers Mac Miller and Charlie Newmark. Spanish subtitles are available.

Jen Lynch doesn't want to imitate her dad--at one point she changed the ending when it occurred to her that she was making a David Lynch movie--and she doesn't have to. She has a distinctive style, and SURVEILLANCE stands on its own as a story that bends reality in all sorts of intriguing ways without becoming self-consciously unreal.

SURVEILLANCE -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE LAST CIRCUS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/12/11

 

You don't watch Spanish director Álex de la Iglesia's THE LAST CIRCUS (2010) as much as you're propelled through it.  Frenetic, intensely melodramatic, and way off-the-wall, it's like a Jackson Pollock painting with broad splashes of humor, tragedy, beauty, and violence. 

After a cool main titles montage, we find ourselves in a circus in Spain circa 1937.  The clowns' performance is interrupted by militia pressing men into service to fight in the Spanish Civil War.  Next thing we know, there's a clown in drag wading into a platoon of National soldiers with a machete, in the midst of a spectacular battle in the streets.  Already we know that this isn't going to be your average movie.

His son, Javier, grows up to be a sad clown in a circus dominated by Sergio (Antonio de la Torre), a "happy" clown who is the children's favorite despite his savagely violent nature.  Javier (Carlos Areces) falls in love with Sergio's gorgeous acrobat girlfriend Natalia (Carolina Bang), who is fond of Javier but perversely excited by Sergio's abuse.  When the clowns finally clash, all hell breaks loose.

A visual feast, THE LAST CIRCUS takes us on a dizzying tour of baroque circuses, blazing battles, and off-kilter urban tableaux where mad clowns with machine guns terrorize the citizenry.  Javier's attack on Sergio leaves him with a face that would make the Joker wince--thus ending his career performing for children--while the increasingly psychotic Javier's gleeful self-mutilation gives him a grotesque, permanent clown face meant to strike fear as he goes on a ramapage of revenge against the world. 

Areces, a portly, plain-looking actor, deftly takes his character to this drastic stage after first appearing as a normal and deceptively meek-looking man gradually driven to violence to protect his Natalia.  After his attack on Sergio, he becomes a wild man in the forest and ends up actually biting an elderly General Franco in one of the film's most weirdly comical moments, after which he transforms himself into the homicidal clown monster. 

As Sergio, de la Torre gives a raw performance that takes on added richness once his facial disfigurement makes his character even more volatile and unpredictable.  Most exhilarating for me, however, is the statuesque Carolina Bang as Natalia.  Whether performing her circus acrobatic act, dancing in a Kojak-themed nightclub in front of a giant portrait of Telly Savalas, or making love with passionate abandon to her beastly boyfriend Sergio, she's utterly captivating.  You can't blame Javier for being obsessed with her to the point of having heated delusions in which she appears as a shimmering religious icon.

The film is technically dazzling from the direction and photography all the way to a heart-pounding score by Roque Baños.  The great SPFX include lots of well-done CGI and green screen culminating in a thrilling cliffhanger climax atop a towering monument with Javier and Sergio doing battle over their mutual love Natalia.  The sequence owes quite a bit to films such as THE CROW, BATMAN, and a few others that may come to mind while watching it, with one sweeping camera move after another producing vertigo-inducing thrills as the story builds to its peak. 

The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 2.35:1 widescreen with English and Spanish 5.1 soundtracks.  Subtitles are in English.  Extras consist of international and U.S. trailers and the featurettes "Making of The Last Circus", "Behind the Scenes Segments", and "Visual Effects."  The latter reveals an extent of green-screen usage throughout the film that I was unaware of while watching it. 

One of the most welcome surprises of my recent viewing experience, THE LAST CIRCUS is a mad rush through a thoroughly skewed adventure bursting with goodies for the eyes and the mind.  You may not like it as much as I did, but I can't imagine anyone being bored by it.

THE LAST CIRCUS -- DVD Review by Porfle

BIG MAN JAPAN -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/19/09

 

Well, here's something for those with a really big taste for the unusual. Part mockumentary, part giant-Japanese-monsters spoof, BIG MAN JAPAN (2007) is one seriously weird movie. And watching it is like discovering a chest full of really cool toys that were designed by crazy elves on acid.

The mockumentary part follows a reserved, unassuming man named Daisato (director and co-writer Hitoshi Matsumoto) around as he makes his way through a seemingly ordinary life. He lives in a dumpy home with a stray cat and makes pointless conversation about how he likes things (folding umbrellas, dehydrated seaweed) that are small until you need for them to get big.

Sometimes he wistfully talks about his 8-year-old daughter, whom his ex-wife will only let him visit twice a year because that's as often as she can stand to be around him.

Rocks crash through the windows as he speaks. His house is adorned with strewn garbage and graffiti such as "Die!" and "We don't need you!" Why? Because Daisato is Big-Sato, or "Big Man Japan", a widely-reviled superhero who is also small until the government needs for him to get big and fight the giant monsters that constantly invade Japan, and it's no longer the glamour job that it was for his predecessors. In fact, his reality TV show is currently getting lower ratings than the weather channel.

The interview segments, while very funny, are also dry and sometimes seemingly interminable. I couldn't wait for Daisato to get the next call to action from the government, because then, things really get fun. He travels by moped (passing more graffiti such as "You're annoying" and "Fall off a cliff!") to the nearest electrical station to "power up", standing inside his gigantic purple shorts and getting zapped with millions of volts until he grows to colossal proportions.

With his long hair standing straight up and his pudgy body adorned with tattoos and advertising (his avaricious agent sells ad space to various sponsors and pockets most of the profits herself), Big Man Japan is ready to stomp into action again.

Each monster that he encounters is a wonderful and fascinating creation. The first one we see is The Strangling Monster, whose arms form a loop of elastic steel cables that he wraps around skyscrapers before hoisting them up and gleefully piledriving them into the ground. The Leaping Monster is another extremely happy creature with very expressive features--the facial CGI motion-capture on these things is really good.

This is especially true for The Stink Monster, a female monstrosity who engages our hero in a heated verbal exchange filled with withering putdowns while leaning against a building and petulantly nudging automobiles with her foot.

Most of the monsters have some kind of disturbing sexual component that adds an extra layer of strangeness to their activities. Strangling Monster extrudes a pointed metallic shaft from his posterior that deposits slimy eggs into the gaping holes left from uprooted buildings. Evil Stare Monster's telescoping eye-stalk, which he uses as a swinging mace-like weapon, originates from his groin.

Not to be outdone, Stink Monster is actually in heat, which attracts the frantic attentions of yet another grotesque monster who's beside himself with hilariously hyperkinetic lust. "What the hell!?" Daisato cries in horror as she turns around and "presents." What happens next results in tabloid press headlines decrying Big Man Japan as a "Monster Pimp."

Each of these segments is a feast of weirdness for us to gorge ourselves on--irresistible confections of stylized photo-realistic CGI, mind-bending monsters, and cartoonishly surreal situations. When Daisato's senile old grandfather, once the highly-popular Big Man Japan the Fourth, zaps himself with electricity and gets back into the act, he goes on a wonderfully irrational rampage in which he takes on Tokyo Tower and shuts down the local airport by playing with the planes, while headlines scream "Big Man Japan Destroys Japan!!" and "Big Man Japan Salutes the Sun?!"

Even the somewhat melancholy mockumentary sequences start to get more outrageous as Daisato deals with all the various controversies and public outcries while trying to keep his personal life together.

Hitoshi Matsumoto does a good job directing the film while giving a nicely subdued performance as the put-upon Daisato. His supporting players, including several non-professionals, are natural and funny. The more mundane segments look as though they might have been shot for some PBS series, while the monster scenes are so lush and colorful that they're quite visually sumptuous. Adding to the film's appeal is a score by Towa Tei that is often beautiful.

A 68-minute bonus featurette (with commentary), "Making of Big Man Japan", shows the years-long collaborative process in which the story and its characters were developed, and follows the cast and crew to Cannes for the film's successful premiere. Also included on the DVD are several deleted scenes plus trailers for this and the other films in Magnolia/Magnet's "6-Shooter Film Series" (five of which we've reviewed right here at HKCFN, counting this one). The 1.85:1 widescreen image and Dolby Digital sound are good. Soundtrack is in Japanese with English and Spanish subtitles.

With the appearance of a redskinned, seemingly invincible demon-monster that may mean the end of our hero, BIG MAN JAPAN has a final surprise in store for viewers which will either delight or confuse, or both. (At any rate, it should get you to thinking about what the heck it all means, including possible political implications, blah, blah, etc.) Like the rest of the film, it's unexpected and totally off-the-wall. And if you're like me, you may find it hard to believe that somebody actually made a movie that's this much pure, silly, unadulterated fun.

BIG MAN JAPAN -- DVD Review by Porfle

MUTANT CHRONICLES -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/1/09

 

How much fun can one movie be? MUTANT CHRONICLES (2008) does its all-out damnedest to answer that question. A sumptuous mix of model work, mattes, some CGI, tons of green screen, and full-size sets, with marauding monsters, gore galore, and a retro-futuristic steampunk atmosphere that's a joy to behold, it's the kind of flick that gets my geek blood racing and makes me glad I never outgrew this kind of stuff.

The prologue tells of a terrible machine that comes from outer space ages ago, sets up subterranean shop, and starts turning humans into killer mutants. A brotherhood of sword-wielding monks somehow defeats the mutants and seals the pit which houses the machine. Thousands of years later, in our own post-apocalyptic future (or an alternate version thereof), the world is divided into four huge corporations that are constantly at war over global resources, and during one particularly furious battle the pit is uncovered, the seal is broken, and the mutant factory starts turning people into monsters again.

As millions of refugees (those who can afford it, anyway) are fleeing the planet in spaceships, the current leader of the monks, Brother Samuel (Ron Perlman), assembles a ragtag group of hardcore soldiers from different countries to make their way underground and try to shut down the machine. To get there they have to enter an ancient underground metropolis and descend into the earth via a skyscraper that's been buried by the sands of time. Two things stand in their way--lots and lots of mutants, and the fact that Brother Samuel's holy book, the Mutant Chronicles, tells them everything they need to know about deactivating the machine (or blowing it up--they're not quite sure) except the location of the key needed to do so.

In a way, it's a darker and grungier variation on the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy smashed together into one blood-and-thunder pulp sci-fi epic, done on a budget that probably wouldn't have gotten Frodo and his pals halfway out of the Shire. The sometimes makeshift special effects artistry, which uses just about every technique in the book, displays a great deal of imagination and resourcefulness and is a feast for the eyes of anyone not jaded by slick, mega-budget perfection.

A good example of this is the opening battle sequence, which combines World War I trench warfare, nuts-and-bolts futuristic hardware, and a retro look similar to that of Michael Radford's 1984. It's a beautiful sequence that introduces Sean Pertwee's Capt. Nathan Rooker and Thomas Jane's Major "Mitch" Hunter, two cynical, world-weary soldiers whose only cause is survival. Mitch finds himself in a desperate hand-to-hand struggle with an enemy officer from the Bauhaus corporation, the aristocratic Lt. Maximillian von Steiner (Benno Fürmann), which is cut short by a wave of attacking mutants. At that point national conflicts fly out the window as the humans suddenly must band together against the mutant onslaught in the first of several outlandishly gory and delightfully splattery sequences.

Mitch and von Steiner both end up in Brother Samuel's army, which also consists of a single mother with 61 kills named Cpl. Valerie Duval (Devon Aoki, SIN CITY's "deadly little Miho"), Brother Samuel's silent apprentice and expert swordmistress Severian (Anna Walton), Cpl. Juba Kim Wu (Tom Wu), stiff-arsed Capt. John McGuire (Steve Toussaint), and garrulous Cpl. Jesus 'El Jesus' de Barrera (Luis Echegaray). Before it's over, this disparate group from different races and nationalities will earn each other's respect and allegiance in combat.


A harrowing elevator shaft descent into a nest of mutants provides one of the most thrilling setpieces of the movie, leading to the climactic battle in the heart of the alien machine where our heroes must somehow figure out the secret of the key while fighting for their lives against wave after wave of murderous creatures. Some will die, others will get "assimilated" Borg-style and turn against their allies. By this time the characters have been developed well enough for us to be fully invested in their fates, so there's an emotional resonance in all of this as well. These scenes are beautifully staged and executed.

Thomas Jane (whom I've always liked for some reason) is great as Mitch, whose action-movie swagger and flippant cynicism hide a wounded and sensitive heart. The always imposing Ron Perlman is impressive, often conveying much feeling with only his expressive face. Among the rest of the uniformly solid cast I especially like Devon Aoki and Anna Walton, who are both excellent here, and of course Sean Pertwee in his brief but pivotal role. For added marquee value, John Malkovich appears in a few early scenes and lends some star cred to the trailers.

Magnolia Home Entertainment, under their "Magnet" label, is releasing three DVD versions of MUTANT CHRONICLES--a single disc, a 2-disc collector's edition, and 1-disc Blu-Ray. I watched the 2-disc director's cut which is 1.85:1 widescreen with 5.1 Dolby Digital, and it looks and sounds great to me. Disc 1 contains the movie and a commentary track with director Simon Hunter and star Ron Perlman, who are into it enough to continue talking throughout the 8-minute closing credits. Disc 2 is loaded with goodies including a feature-length "making of" documentary, deleted scenes, green-screen and storyboard comparisons, cast and crew interviews, a Comic Con panel Q & A, webisodes, a red-band trailer, and more.

For me, the highlight of the whole movie is the scene midway through the story in which the soldiers are being transported to their destination via a huge, clunky, steam-powered airship that resembles a flying factory. This glorious steampunk creation with its sweltering boiler room and gear-grinding machinery is like something right out of Jules Verne. An aerial attack by another ship that's been taken over by mutants leads to a thrilling high-speed descent in a diving bell-like escape pod whose parachute can't handle the excess weight of Brother Samuel's army. Just like the rest of the action scenes in MUTANT CHRONICLES, this is sharply directed, painstakingly edited, visually stunning, and delightfully exciting. But most of all, it's just a ton of big goofy B-movie fun.

MUTANT CHRONICLES -- DVD Review by Porfle

DONKEY PUNCH -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 3/25/09

 

Seven young Brits on holiday in Spain go from party to Purgatory with a single DONKEY PUNCH (2008), director Olly Blackburn's deviously clever and exhilaratingly tense horror-thriller.

Three sexy lasses--Kim (cute-as-a-button Jamie Winstone), blonde babe Lisa (Sian Breckin), and their more reserved friend Tammi (Nichola Burley), who's nursing a broken heart--hook up with party boys Marcus, Josh, and Bluey (Jay Taylor, Julian Morris, and Tom Burke, respectively) in a nightclub on the Spanish coast. The boys are tending a luxury yacht while the owners are away and invite the girls aboard, where they meet the more reserved Sean (Robert Boulter), who we just know is going to hit it off with Tammi.

Taking the yacht out onto the open sea, the thrill-seeking yoots delve into a hedonistic free-for-all of booze, drugs, and "sexy time." While Sean and Tammi have a nice, reserved heart-to-heart chat on deck, the others soon retire to the master bedroom to indulge in enough wild softcore sex for three Skinemax flicks put together. Bluey invites shy observer Josh into the mix, but in his moment of peak excitement he foolishly applies a move jokingly referred to earlier by Bluey--you guessed it, the dreaded "donkey punch"--and in one terrible instant one of the girls is dead and the rest of the bunch suddenly has a serious problem on their hands.

Up to this point Blackburn has directed the film with the light touch of a teen sex romp, but with an underlying bad-vibes tone that lets us know things are gonna go wrong. Even the musical score somehow sounds a little off as it slithers its way around the action with a hint of mockery. The sex scene, which is probably the main reason this film is being sold in both rated and unrated versions, starts out slow and then picks up momentum until it's out of control. In another movie such graphic debauchery would seem gratuitious, but here it's necessary to convey the mindless abandon that leads to that one fateful mistake which plunges everyone into their worst nightmare.

The story then becomes a deliberate, inevitable progression from bad to worst as the guys hotly debate whether or not to cover up the deed while the remaining girls, who have no intention of watching their friend's body being dumped overboard and then complying with a fake story, begin to realize what a tenuous position they're in. The conflict will become more deadly as the situation devolves. At this point screenwriters Blackburn and David Bloom start ratcheting up the nailbiting suspense and bloody mayhem until the former pleasure cruise becomes a frenzy of survival instincts gone wild.

Blackburn deftly choreographs his actors, all of whom are very good (especially my future wife, Jamie Winstone), and the camera flows beautifully throughout the yacht's confines with an unobtrusive documentary style that's effective rather than affected-looking. It's all very straightforwardly done, with no hokey jump scares or musical stings, in an almost real-time way that makes us feel like we're a part of the relentlessly unfolding events. Once things get started, there are no lulls in the action and the suspense is kept increasingly taut until the fadeout. It's like stepping onto a carnival ride that doesn't let up until it's over.

The DVD from Magnolia Home Entertainment's Magnet label is in 1.85:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital sound, which look and sound fine. Extras include a director/producer commentary track, a "making of" featurette, interviews with director Blackburn and the cast, deleted scenes, and trailers for this and the other films in the Six Shooter Film Series. As stated before, the DVD is available in both rated and unrated versions. I got to see the unrated version (heh, heh) so I'm not sure exactly what you'll be missing out on with the other one, although I'm willing to bet it'll mostly have something to do with that orgy sequence.

DONKEY PUNCH is a finely-wrought exploitation flick with a really good cast and production values, and generous helpings of sex and violence to augment its harrowingly suspenseful story. And as a cautionary tale, it should succeed in reminding today's youth that boys and girls can have a cracking good time together without the need of anyone whipping out the old donkey punch for any reason whatsoever.

DONKEY PUNCH -- DVD Review by Porfle

13 ASSASSINS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/2/11

 

For the better part of an hour, director Takeshi Miike (ICHI THE KILLER, AUDITION) practices the art of the slow build-up in 13 ASSASSINS (2010), laying the dramatic groundwork for what will eventually erupt into almost fifty straight minutes of intense, grueling battle action. 

It's mid-1800s feudal Japan, and the Shogun's sadistic half-brother Lord Naritsugu (Gorô Inagaki) awaits his turn in power.  Fearing that this will end the current period of peace in Japan, the shogun council secretly enlists legendary samurai Shinzaemon Shimada (Kôji Yakusho) to assemble a force of assassins to take him out during an upcoming cross-country journey.  Shinzaemon's former friend Hanbei, who is now Naritsugu's chief advisor, vows to fulfill his duty as a samurai by protecting his master at all cost.

We need only see Lord Naritsugu in action for a few minutes to know that this heartless, arrogant bastard needs to die real good.  His dire deeds are portrayed in a brutally offhand way that gives them an insidious resonance, lending the film some moments of creeping horror.  Flashbacks of his heinous treatment of a servant woman and her husband are truly shocking, but nothing compared to the fate of a young girl who has suffered such extreme cruelty at his hands that her plight briefly pushes the film into true nightmare territory.



A slow first half establishes the film's dark, somber mood and introduces us to the main characters.  Shinzaemon is shown to be a great fighter and a man of honor who regrets never having the chance to die well for a just cause.  As in SEVEN SAMURAI, we watch him gather the best warriors available including the venerable Kuranaga, who contributes an additional five of his own men, and master swordsman Hirayama.  Shinzaemon's nephew Shinrokuro, an aimless gambler and rogue, decides to wager his own life for the chance to serve a higher purpose. 

There are other similarities to SEVEN SAMURAI along the way, chief among them being the fact that the final member of the group is a seriocomic peasant named Koyata (Yûsuke Iseya) whom the assassins run across during a shortcut through the woods.  Koyata is the group's highstrung, emotional, yet cunning loose cannon who resents the samurai while wanting to be one.  He throws in with the others just in time to participate in the film's first action scene, a down and dirty street brawl with a motley gang of hired henchmen.  

The final battle takes place in a small village which our heroes fortify in a number of outlandishly ingenious ways, only this time they're fighting not just for a few farmers but for the good of the entire country.  With the crafty Hanbei managing to increase Naritsugu's guard from 70 to 200 during his journey, their arrival in the village sets off a blazingly spectacular marathon melee of bloody swordplay, bone-crushing bludgeoning, and--thanks to Shinzaemon's two explosives experts--some awesome pyrotechnics as well.  As with the rest of the film, the direction and production values are superb.



Free of the usual balletics and acrobatic choreography, the fights are grueling and realistic death duels in which the good guys each cut a wide swath through the enemy forces before superior numbers inevitably begin to wear them down.  As anyone who has seen Kurosawa's film or the Western remake THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN knows, we'll see several of the main characters die heroically. 

Since Miike doesn't fully develop them all, only a few have real emotional impact, but these moments are enough to make the sequence more than just an action free-for-all.  It all leads up to a couple of one-on-one battles that determine the true victors in this momentous conflict over the future of Japan.

The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 2.40:1 widescreen with Japanese and English 5.1 Dolby Digital sound and English and Spanish subtitles.  Extras consist of deleted scenes, an 18-minute interview with Takashi Miike, a theatrical trailer, and other trailers from Magnolia.  Instructions for obtaining a digital copy of the film online are inside the DVD box.

"This was never meant to be an action film, to showcase action scenes, but a drama," Takashi Miike states during his interview, and indeed his film succeeds in this regard.  But after about an hour's worth of that drama the fightin' commences, and 13 ASSASSINS suddenly becomes one of the most thrilling action epics ever made. 

13 ASSASSINS -- DVD Review by Porfle

MALICE IN WONDERLAND -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/9/10

 

Here's a fun idea--take the classic "Alice in Wonderland" story and update it by adding a bunch of gangsters, whores, junkies, and other assorted freaks, and cleverly alter the title (yet again) to MALICE IN WONDERLAND (2009). Only it really isn't such a fun idea after all, when you find yourself trying to sit through the resulting mess without hurling a copy of Lewis Carroll's original novel through the TV screen.

In this version, Alice Dodgson (a bland Maggie Grace, "Lost", TAKEN, THE FOG) is a poor little billionaire's daughter from New York fleeing from her manipulative parents into the dark world of London's sleazy underbelly, intent on finding someone about whom we don't learn until much later. She loses her memory after being struck by a cab driven by Whitey (Danny Dyer, OUTLAW), who's late for a very important date--the get-out-of-jail party of London's biggest crime boss, Harry Hunt (Nathaniel Parker), who is about to select a few good men for a lucrative bank robbery that Whitey wants in on.

The crooked-but-goodhearted Whitey wants to help Alice while helping himself to the $10,000,000 reward for her safe return, but they get separated. As the night wears on, Alice runs into a succession of weird underworld characters (while somehow inadvertently becoming a hooker) until she ends up in the hands of the greedy and ruthless Harry. Only with Whitey's quick thinking and a little supernatural help can Alice return to her own world and complete the mysterious mission she was on before losing her memory.

Alice is zonked most of the time on some pills Whitey gives her "for her head" (no use having thinly-veiled drug references when you can just dispense with the veil altogether), so we never know what's real or imagined and things don't have to make any sense. One moment the film wants to be one of those pulpy crime comedies where you expect Vinnie Jones to burst in and start popping caps, and the next moment a Cheshire Cat-like DJ named Felix is purring mellifluously from a billboard or stopping time to allow Alice to regain a crucial lost fifteen seconds.


Some filmmakers seem to favor Lewis Carroll's original work because, like L. Frank Baum's "The Wizard of Oz", it's a ready-made wacky story with cool characters into which they can easily insert their own alterations and variations without having to give it much original thought. Unfortunately, you need more than a tiresome overabundance of Dutch angles and assorted lowlifes acting like fruitcakes to turn a dark, dreary urban setting into a wonderland. And there isn't much that's magical about a pedestrian gangster tale laced, seemingly at random, with vulgar whimsy and crude modern counterparts of the original characters and events.

Among Alice's obligatory encounters are a car ride with a rapping, dope-smoking Caterpillar (his "hookah" is a hooker--get it?), a visit to the all-seeing Duchess who sits in a room surrounded by monitor screens, and a tea party with a dwarf who brags about his sexual prowess and a loathsome madame named Hattie (Bronagh Gallagher, who was Trudi in PULP FICTION and a Republic cruiser captain in THE PHANTOM MENACE). Hattie shanghais Alice into her tractor-trailer whorehouse on wheels which Alice manages to make her escape with (she steals the "tarts"--get it?). The film's seemingly willful lack of charm can be summed up by one hooker's observation about a passing john: "I've seen more meat on a budgie's cock." It's like a tasteless "Mad Libs" version of the story concocted by snickering fourth-graders.

Aside from the ubiquitous tilty camerawork, the film's style seems to consist mainly of a visual confetti of ADD-friendly quick cuts that never allow us time to settle in and develop any feelings for the main characters, or allow the characters to develop much themselves. In this movie, a contemplative scene is one that contains a shot lasting over five seconds. By the end of the story we're meant to feel warmth toward Alice and Whitey, yet they're so superficial that even a last-minute attempt to pull a sappy ending out of left field and jerk a few mock tears out of the viewer falls flat. Even the most "magical" moments of the film are about as visually and emotionally compelling as a Filmation cartoon.


The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 2.35:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 and 2.0 sound. Subtitles are in Spanish, with English closed captions. Extras consist of a ten-minute "making of" featurette and a photo gallery.

MALICE IN WONDERLAND is like one of those Andrew Dice Clay versions of a Mother Goose rhyme, except Dice doesn't pretend to be charming and witty when he tells them or top them off with a curdled dollop of bathos. Crass and unappealing, this modern "take" on Lewis Carroll's classic story is enough to make me swear off modern "takes" on things in general, once and for all.

MALICE IN WONDERLAND -- DVD Review by Porfle

SEVERED WAYS: THE NORSE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/20/09

 

If you're trying to think of a grandiose name for two dullards trudging around in the wilderness for a couple of hours, then I guess SEVERED WAYS: THE NORSE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA (2007) is about as good as any.

Orn (Tony Stone) is the lead singer for a hair-metal band, and Volnard (Fiore Tedesco) is the bass player. Okay, they aren't, but they certainly resemble that more than the badass Vikings from the year 1007 that they're supposed to be.

After the rest of their party either get wiped out by the Skraelings (Native Americans) or hightail it back to Norse-ylvania, the two stranded scouts ask "Dude, where's my ship?" and decide to try and walk cross-continent until they run into either another expedition or a bunch of polar bears, whichever comes first. After observing these guys in action for awhile, you may start to suspect that it wasn't any accident they were left behind.

Anachronism is sometimes used in an attempt to give the characters a more contemporary appeal. One scene begins with the generously-maned Orn greeting the morning by actually headbanging to Judas Priest outside their makeshift enclosure. Elsewhere, a dialogue exchange around the campfire might've been scripted by the guys from MST3K:

"I caught this f**king fish so don't be trying to hog it all."
"Ah, shut the hell up."
"This fish is really killer."

Lots of wood-chopping and even more trudging are interrupted here and there by a few meager plot points, heralded by chapter titles such as "Stranded", "Camp", "Conquest", "Encounters", "Separation", "Reunion", etc. After stumbling across a couple of Christian monks who have escaped Norse captivity and constructed a humble log chapel in the forest, Orn and Volnard slay the two and burn down their chapel.

Actually, Volnard secretly releases his monk back into the wild, still feeling guilty after once killing a Christian who converted his sister only to witness her suicide leap from a cliff in response. Volnard decides to abandon Orn and travel with the monk (David Perry) instead, intrigued by his new religion.

Devout Odin-worshipper Orn, meanwhile, is followed by one of those unbelievably hot Native American babes that exist only in the movies (Noelle Bailey)--she gazes at him from afar in standard serial-killer POV--until she finally decides to lay him out with some knockout berries, transport him to her dwelling, stake him out, and rape him.  Well, you know those hair-metal groupies.

In an interesting dream sequence, Gaby Hoffman of "Uncle Buck" fame appears as Orn's wife and tells him what a total failure he is, with which most viewers by this time will heartily concur. After a few more random occurrences, including an eventual reunion with Volnar, the rambling storyline finally drops dead of exhaustion.

In tone, SEVERED WAYS seems to be going for a cross between James Fenimore Cooper, "Jeremiah Johnson", and "Quest for Fire." Although at times, it also looks like the result of a collaboration between The Discovery Channel and shock filmmaker John Waters, as demonstrated by a couple of scenes that shoot right to the top of my list of "Things I Really Didn't Need or Want to See."

The runner-up is the sequence in which Orn catches a chicken and then proceeds to behead, pluck, and gut it. I know this happens to chickens all the time, but for some hapless fowl to sacrifice its life in the making of this movie seems above and beyond the call of duty.

But that's nothing compared to what is without a doubt the most memorable scene in the film, in which we get to watch Tony Stone take a dump. Yes, movie fans, you heard right. He takes down his pants, allows his bare butt to precipitously hover just long enough to make us think "Oh, no you're not", and then, sure enough, he does--copiously, in fact--and we're treated to a graphic image that will linger in our minds for the rest of the film, if not our lives. This isn't acting, it's just some doofus heaving a Havana.

Even without such dubious cinematic milestones, Stone's hyperactive directing style is all over the place, and too much of it consists of getting a really tight shot of someone or something and then shaking the hell out of the camera (the film often resembles "The Blair Viking Project"). Stone also has an affinity for lens flares that might have you grabbing for your shades.

Admittedly, there's an awful lot of visual beauty in this film, but considering the consistently gorgeous wilderness locations (in Vermont and Newfoundland) this would seem unavoidable. At times, the camera lingers on certain images for so long that they're obviously meant to have a hypnotic effect on the viewer. Unfortunately, it's the kind in which you hear a guy's voice saying, "You are getting sleepy..." That's where the soundtrack comes in handy, because we never know when the next blast of heavy metal or strident prog-synth is going to jar us out of our stupors.

The DVD's 2.35:1 widescreen image is good, although the film sometimes has that noticeable digital video look. Sound is Dolby Digital 5.1 and 2.0, with the occasional dubbed Old Norse dialogue subtitled in English and Spanish. Bonus features include a couple of deleted snippets, some nice footage shot at an actual Viking settlement in Newfoundland, four brief "video fireplace"-type ambient scenes representing the four elements, and, for some reason, an extended slow-motion look at the burning of that log chapel.

Rounding out the bonus features are two of the film's trailers, which are very well-done and promise an epic entertainment which SEVERED WAYS: THE NORSE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA is unable to deliver. It's an intriguing premise which might have made for an interesting film if actor-writer-producer-director Tony Stone hadn't allowed it to become such a self-indulgent ego trip. Not only that, but he deserves a swift kick for tricking us into watching him pitch a loaf on camera. (Gee, how come Hitchcock or Kubrick never thought of that?) This is the kind of film that's often lauded as an alternative to the usual Hollywood "cookie-cutter" fare, but in this case, I'll have a cookie, thanks.

SEVERED WAYS: THE NORSE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA -- DVD Review by Porfle