THE GREEN SLIME (1968) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/9/21

 

Currently watching: THE GREEN SLIME (1968), a collaboration between Italy, Japan, and the USA, with the disparate cinematic styles of each clashing together to create a wild space opera-slash-monster movie that's both exhilaratingly strange and delightfully bad.

Some time in the future an orbiting space station detects an asteroid on a collision course with Earth. Commander Jack Rankin (TV star Robert Horton, "A Man Called Shenandoah", "Wagon Train") is called out of retirement to head a team of astronauts to take off from the space station, land on the asteroid, and plant bombs that will blow it to smithereens.

The team does so in what is basically a small-scale dry run for the later epic ARMAGEDDON, but this time the astronauts bring back an unexpected souvenir from the asteroid in the form of a strange green slime which, when charged with electricity, grows into a horde of grotesque, very hostile alien creatures with pincer-tipped tentacles and one big red eye. 

 

 

Feeding upon the space station's various energy sources, the creatures grow in size and multiply rapidly until the station's inhabitants begin dying horribly one by one and end up fighting hand-to-tentacle for their very survival.

Hence, the entire second half of the film is a furious and at times incomprehensible series of frantic battle sequences splattered with red blood and green slime, as the space soldiers struggle to protect the station's medical and scientific personnel as well as other civilians.

To make matters worse, Rankin's romantic rival, Commander Vince Elliott (Richard Jaeckel, THE DIRTY DOZEN, STARMAN) chafes at having his command usurped by Rankin, with the mutual object of their affection, beautiful medical officer Dr. Lisa Benson (Luciana Paluzzi, THUNDERBALL, MUSCLE BEACH PARTY), adding fuel to the fire with her very presence.

 

 
From the film's first scenes, we're treated to an environment almost totally comprised of miniatures--cityscapes, rocket launch pads and spaceships, the rotating space station itself, etc.--which sometimes approach the quality of the usual Toho/Kaiju stuff we're used to, while at other times are markedly cheap and fake-looking.

Space station and spaceship interiors have the low-budget look of the old live-action Saturday morning sci-fi shows from Filmation such as "Space Academy" and "Jason of Star Command", and even such earlier series as "Rocky Jones, Space Ranger." On the plus side, vivid colors abound in most scenes, especially those involving the approaching asteroid, giving them a pleasing comic-book quality.

The low-rent feel of the film also shows in the artless, almost amateurish direction and camerawork, which, combined with the freaky slime-monster costumes and other slapdash special effects, make the film either an object of boredom and derision or, for bad movie lovers such as myself, a delightfully dizzying wallow in junk-movie joy.

 

Amazingly, this movie was directed by the same man, Kinji Fukasaku, who would go on to helm the spectacular sci-fi classic BATTLE ROYALE in 2000.  The consistently tense screenplay also boasts as its co-writer another familiar name--Bill Finger, who, along with Bob Kane, created the legendary comic book character, Batman.

Square-jawed and stern, Horton's Commander Rankin could almost have stepped right out of an episode of "Thunderbirds Are Go!" Jaeckle gets a rare chance to stretch his considerable acting chops in a major role, while Paluzzi has a cult appeal all her own as the woman who keeps the film's romantic triangle fired up while protecting her patients from the rampaging slime creatures.

While none of this looks or feels convincing for a second, THE GREEN SLIME is such a relentless onslaught of splashy, full-tilt space madness that one can hardly fail to enjoy it to some degree, on its own oddball terms, as an old-fashioned space opera laced with cheesy 1960s mod stylings and juvenile Monster Kid fun.

THE GREEN SLIME (1968) -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE HARDY BOYS: THE MYSTERY OF THE APPLEGATE TREASURE -- Serial Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/26/21

 

Currently watching: THE HARDY BOYS: THE MYSTERY OF THE APPLEGATE TREASURE (1956), a 19-part serial produced by Disney to be shown in daily installments (approx. 11 minutes each) during consecutive episodes of "The Mickey Mouse Club."

This adaptation of Leslie McFarlane's book "The Hardy Boys: The Tower Treasure" should appeal to fans of the Hardy Boys detective stories by Franklin W. Dixon (a pen name for a stable of largely uncredited writers hired by the Stratemeyer Syndicate publishing company), which debuted in 1927 and remained popular for several decades.

Those who are nostalgic for the kind of clean, wholesome family entertainment created by Disney in the 50s and 60s should also derive great satisfaction from this modest but appealing preteen-oriented serial, filmed mostly on elaborately-rendered soundstage sets depicting the Hardys' entire neighborhood, the Applegate estate, and other Bayport locations.

 

It's just the sort of thing to feed into the adventure fantasies of young boys of the era: Frank and Joe Hardy, sons of famous private detective Fenton Hardy, live in the picket-fence suburbs of the small, mostly quiet town of Bayport, but yearn to be detectives like their father and join him in solving mysteries.

But their father, who's often away from home because of his job, doesn't approve of such dangerous doings, and neither does their spinster Aunt Gertrude, who lives with them and keeps a tight rein on the boys.

Despite this, however, Frank and Joe manage to sneak away from the house often enough to get involved in the mystery of eccentric old Silas Applegate and the fortune in pirate gold that's said to be hidden somewhere on his property, perhaps even behind the wall of a crumbling old tower that looms over his estate, and is sought after by a range of unsavory types.

 

 

In order to appeal to young viewers of "The Mickey Mouse Club", Frank and Joe are a year or so younger here than in the books, their ages ranging from about 12-14. The older Frank is played by Tim Considine, already popular from Disney's "Spin and Marty" series, and the role of younger, more impetuous Joe is the official debut of new Disney star Tommy Kirk, whose considerable acting skills are apparent in his often intense and frenetic performance.

Frank and Joe are typical, identifiable boys for that era, with their flattop haircuts, T-shirts, jeans with the cuffs rolled up, and sneakers--ideal role models to stimulate the vivid imaginations and wish fulfillment fantasies of Disney's young audience.

For female viewers, there's the Hardys' friend Iola Morton, who has a desperate crush on the girl-hating Joe and manages to get herself involved in all the boys' adventures.  Iola is brought to vivid life by the cute-as-a-button Carole Ann Campbell, who had a regrettably brief film and TV career before losing interest in Hollywood and moving on. 

 

Fenton Hardy's character is somewhat changed from the books. To me, he was always a distinguished, quietly dependable and capable Hugh Beaumont type. Here, Russ Conway brings him to the screen as a rather frumpy, almost seedy private detective who lacks empathy with his boys and fails to realize their potential as his successors until it is demonstrated to him.

Oddly, the TV show omits Mrs. Hardy and gives us their Aunt Gertrude (Sarah Selby) as a sort of surrogate mother, considerably softening her literary image as a nagging harridan (I always pictured her as a stern Edna Mae Oliver type). This was done with the belief that it was more acceptable for the boys to disobey their aunt than their mother when sneaking out to pursue their detective work.

The story itself takes its own sweet time unfolding over the series' 19 chapters, as the Hardys deal with crotchety old Mr. Applegate (Florenz Ames), his burly caretaker and plumber Jackley (Robert Foulk), wrongly-accused reform school refugee Perry Robinson (Donald McDonald), and slippery, mischievous ex-convict Boles (Arthur Shields, brother of actor Barry Fitzgerald who appeared with him in John Ford's THE QUIET MAN).

 

Boles may have knowledge of the treasure's whereabouts, Jackley may be crookeder than he seems, cutlass-wielding old Applegate is possibly quite mad, and the whole affair stretches out in unremarkable but quite pleasant fashion until finally Frank and Joe cut through the murky mystery with their burgeoning detective skills and solve the whole thing in a moodily-photographed final chapter that puts them in a modest amount of actual danger.

I don't know if today's kids would have the patience, the desire, or even the ability to get carried along by this kind of low-key, unsensationalistic entertainment. I hope they do, lest they miss something that's actually quite rare and wonderful in its own way. For me, "The Hardy Boys: The Mystery of the Applegate Treasure" is sweet, soulful nostalgia in its purest and most potent form.

 

THE HARDY BOYS: THE MYSTERY OF THE APPLEGATE TREASURE -- Serial Review by Porfle

THUNDER ALLEY (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/26/21

 

Currently watching: the 1967 follow-up to FIREBALL 500 and the last gasp of American-International's Frankie and/or Annette teen pictures, THUNDER ALLEY.

By now, Frankie Avalon has split to do his own thing, so Annette Funicello is left to carry this one with new leading man, teen idol Fabian (who played Frankie's rival in the previous film).

That's not all that has changed. This time, nearly all of the comedy has been scrapped along with any hint of farce, surrealism, cartoony characters, etc. in order to give us a straight-forward racing saga in which people have sex, get wildly drunk at parties where dancing girls strip their clothes off, and try to kill each other on the track, sometimes successfully.

 

As a change of pace, THUNDER ALLEY is actually pretty successful itself. Fabian is just the right choice to play famous driver Tommy Callahan, who has odd flashbacks during a race because of a childhood trauma and accidentally causes another driver's death. This makes him a pariah who is shunned by his peers and thrown out of professional racing.

Annette returns as Francie, a stunt driver working for her small-time entrepreneur dad Pete (Jan Murray) in his "Hell Drivers"-type auto show. When a desperate Tommy comes to Pete for work, he's forced to assume the name "Killer Callahan" to draw curious crowds.

Meanwhile, Tommy's girlfriend Annie (Diane McBain) doesn't like the relationship forming between Tommy and Francie, and neither does Francie's fellow stunt driver Eddie (Warren Berlinger in one of his better roles), who digs her.

 

But while all that romantic stuff is going on, we get to see plenty of real-life stock car racing action and fiery, metal-crunching carnage filmed at actual raceways and worked into the plot as Tommy fights to regain his former glory with the reckless Eddie as a dogged competitor.

To make things even more hairy,  a whole gang of bad guy racers led by hothead Leroy (Michael Bell) are out for his blood.  It all comes down to the big final race, which provides more than enough to delight fans of this kind of action.

Familiar faces dot the supporting cast, including Stanley Adams (Cyrano Jones in "Star Trek: The Trouble With Tribbles"), gorgeous and funny Maureen Arthur (HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING, THE LOVE GOD?), Kip King ("The Rifleman: The Dead-Eye Kid"), and some stalwart holdovers from the beach pictures (Sally Sachse, Mary Hughes). 

 

Replacing previous director and scripter William Asher ("Bewitched") are prolific TV writer Sy Salkowitz and director Richard Rush (HELLS ANGELS ON WHEELS), who would go on to direct such high-profile films as FREEBIE AND THE BEAN, THE STUNT MAN, and COLOR OF NIGHT.

Music is by Mike Curb, with just a couple of racing-related songs on the soundtrack and a single number by Annette (one of her better ones). Fabian, thank goodness, spares us his sub-par crooning but is more than adequate in the lead role. 

 

The borderline sleazy ad campaign for the film includes the tagline "Their god is speed! Their pleasure an 'anytime girl'!" so there's definitely a different audience being targeted this time. Or maybe the same audience, but a little older and looking for some stronger stuff.

Thinking that this late entry in the American-International teen genre would be a weak fizzle, I was surprised to find THUNDER ALLEY even more absorbing than its crash-em-up predecessor. It's by far the better film, thanks largely to director Richard Rush, and one of the most enjoyable films of its kind.

One of director Quentin Tarantino's many visual callbacks: his alternate title for DEATH PROOF (2007), which we see only for a split-second before being replaced by a crude "Death Proof" insert, is obviously inspired by the main title for THUNDER ALLEY.

THUNDER ALLEY (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

FIREBALL 500 (1966) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/24/21

 

Currently rewatching: FIREBALL 500 (1966). I hadn't seen this one since a primetime TV showing back in the 60s and didn't remember much about it except that it had the same kind of production values, music, and other elements, along with stars Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello, as the "beach party" movies from which it had evolved.

But despite an opening featuring stop-motion animated cavemen inventing the wheel (courtesy of Art "Gumby" Clokey) and a jokey introduction to Frankie's character as he outruns a pitchfork-wielding farmer defending his amorous daughter, any misconceptions I had about this being a lighthearted comedy farce were soon dispelled.

What "Beach Party" director William Asher and co-writer Leo Townsend have concocted here is about as serious and gritty as this kind of candy-coated thriller can be, with Frankie (now "Dave Owens") a California daredevil descending upon the American South for some of that stock car racing action. He's met with resistance by local racing hero Leander (fellow teen idol Fabian), an arrogant chick magnet who moonlights as a moonshiner.

 

 
Annette's back as the niece of race track owner Chill Wills, but this time her "Jane" character is all in for bad-boy Leander while Frankie has a yen for the more mature Martha (Julie Parrish, THE NUTTY PROFESSOR, "Star Trek: The Menagerie") who wants him both as a lover and a high-speed driver for her illicit booze business, which is overseen by none other than Harvey "Eric Von Zipper" Lembeck in menacing redneck mode as cigar-chomping Charlie Bigg.

The rivalry heats up between the two alpha males both on and off the track, a highlight being their figure-8 "chicken race." When other moonshine drivers start getting run off the road (one is rather grimly killed), Frankie suspects Fabian of playing chicken with them on those dark mountain roads in order to advance his own illegal alcohol business.

Obviously, this high-octane adrenaline rush of a teen flick goes way beyond simply replacing surfboards with race cars, especially when we see Frankie actually having off-screen sex with Julie, in addition to that young driver plummetting to his death off a steep cliff.  None of the adults are played for "old fogey" laughs either--this time, everyone in the cast is a bonafide member of the adult world.

 

Frankie finally gets to play a cool badass here, standing up to IRS agents who want him to go undercover for them and taking on Fabian in a doozy of a fist-fight after getting knocked off the track during a big race. He doesn't even really try to win Annette, preferring Julie's more worldly charms instead.

The former beach bums each get to sing, with Annette luring customers into her uncle's hootchie-kootchie show and Frankie seranading the patrons of a local nightclub. (Fortunately, we're spared Fabian's tone-deaf warbling.) Many familiar faces from the previous films are carried over here either as Leander's groupies or race drivers.

 

 

Once the vehicular manslaughter mystery is cleared up, the film ends with a final championship race that offers car lovers roughly ten minutes of exciting actual footage (filmed, according to IMDb, "at the Ascot and Saugus Raceways near Los Angeles with local color shot in Charlotte, North Carolina") with added rear-projection inserts of Frankie and Fabian going at each other amidst the fiery, fender-bending action.

Thinking this to be simply a dead-end attempt to keep beach-party viewers interested, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed FIREBALL 500 on its own terms as a more serious and at times hardball action flick. Of course, the production values are just as flimsy and TV-movie-level as ever, and the dialogue just as corny, but somehow it all manages to deliver an hour and a half of pulpy fun. 

FIREBALL 500 (1966) -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI (1966) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/11/21

 

Currently watching: THE GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI (1966), the last American-International teen flick to bear even the slightest resemblance to the studio's original "Beach Party" series that began in 1963 and lasted until original stars Frankie and Annette had moved on to other things and only a few hardy supporting players and extras still remained.

For the first time, there's no reference whatsoever to the beach or surfing. In a repeat of the earlier PAJAMA PARTY, the action takes place in a large mansion (this time, it's the haunted hideaway of recently-deceased Hiram Stokely, played by a very aged Boris Karloff) and its swimming pool, giving the cast an excuse to cavort in bikinis and swim trunks and flail around to the music of a bland rock 'n' roll band, the Bobby Fuller Four.

Basil Rathbone (SON OF FRANKENSTEIN, "Sherlock Holmes" series) plays Hiram's crooked attorney, Reginald Ripper, who plans to eliminate the old man's heirs after they assemble for the reading of his will. They include beach-movie veterans Tommy Kirk and Deborah Walley, along with venerable comic actress Patsy Kelly as "Myrtle Forbush." 

 

Aiding in Ripper's deadly scheme is his cohort J. Sinister Hulk (Jesse "Maytag Repairman" White), along with series regular Bobbi Shaw and Benny Rubin as Princess Yolanda and Chief Chicken Feather. All three characters are holdovers from PAJAMA PARTY, although Rubin replaces an ailing Buster Keaton who originated the role.

Of course, Harvey Lembeck is on hand as motorcycle gang leader Eric Von Zipper, with his usual motley mob of sycophantic cycle stupes. This time, he falls in love with Princess Yolanda, thus giving the writers an excuse to have Von Zipper and crew scurrying around the mansion along with everyone else once the plot, as it is, finally goes into high gear.

When Myrtle's nephew Bobby (Aron Kincaid, whom I think of as "the male Joy Harmon") shows up with a double decker bus full of swinging teens who turn the mansion into party central, the search for Hiram's hidden fortune quickly becomes a frenetic free-for-all as the rightful heirs clash with Ripper's dastardly baddies and a gaggle of spooks and monsters have the freaked-out teens going ape.

 

This will lead to an extravagantly silly finale that's like a deluxe live-action episode of "Scooby-Doo", only dumber and less coherent as everyone runs screaming hither and yon throughout the mansion (finally ending up in old Hiram's ghastly torture chamber) while some of the hoariest gags and haunted house tropes imaginable are recycled by former Three Stooges writer Elwood Ullman, who co-wrote the script with beach-party regular Louis M. Heyward.

Amidst all this, the simple romantic subplot between Tommy Kirk and Deborah Walley is barely given a chance to develop. Meanwhile, Ripper's gorgeous but evil daughter Sinistra (Quinn O'Hara) directs all her considerable seductive powers toward eliminating Myrtle's nephew Bobby (I forgot why), a goal that's repeatedly thwarted by her extreme nearsightedness.

Also appearing in the film are Nancy Sinatra (who sings the wince-inducing "Geronimo"), a young Danny Thomas discovery named Piccola Pupa (who's cute but not much of a singer), famed gorilla suit actor George Burrows as "Monstro", and former silent film star Francis X. Bushman (BEN HUR), who joins the rest of the cast's rather impressive group of vintage stars having some late-career fun (we hope) in this bit of nonsense.

 

Not the least of these is the great Boris Karloff, whose scenes with gorgeous Susan Hart were added, according to Wikipedia, after AIP producers James H. Nicholson and Samuel Z. Arkoff were unhappy with the film and thought it needed improvement. In their framing scenes, Karloff, as Hiram Stokely, is awakened from death's slumber by the ghost of his dead wife Cecily (Hart) and told that they will be reunited in the afterlife if he performs one final good deed.

The result is Hart's character, clad in an "invisible bikini", being awkwardly inserted into already filmed scenes as a mischievous but helpful ghost, with cutaways to Karloff observing the action in his crystal ball and making various comments being fed to him from off-camera.

One of the film's best assets is its use of lavish sets that are obviously left over from other AIP productions. That, along with the interesting cast and an occasionally infectious sense of fun, are just about the only reasons to recommend THE GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI to all but the most diehard beach movie fans and lovers of bad movies in general.  As part of the latter group, I enjoyed it, but others may find it just shy of unwatchable.

THE GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI (1966) -- Movie Review by Porfle

Goofy G-Force Grimace In 1950s-60s Space Movies (video)

 

Space movies in the 1950s-60s speculated on what futuristic space travel would be like.

One of the most common features of these movies was the ever-popular "G-Force Grimace."

As a kid I could never figure out why they all made those weird girning faces during take-off.

ROCKETSHIP XM (1950)
DESTINATION MOON (1950)
PROJECT MOONBASE (1953)
CAT-WOMEN OF THE MOON (1953)
CONQUEST OF SPACE (1955)
MISSILE TO THE MOON (1958)
12 TO THE MOON (1960)


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Goofy G-Force Grimace In 1950s-60s Space Movies (video)

Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em ("FIRE MAIDENS OF OUTER SPACE", 1956) (video)

 

For those of you who go in for drinking games, here's one...

Take a drink every time one of these low-rent astronauts lights up a cigarette.

With all the butts being lit up in this flick, you'll be blotto in no time!



I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em ("FIRE MAIDENS OF OUTER SPACE", 1956) (video)

ADJUST YOUR TRACKING: THE UNTOLD STORY OF THE VHS COLLECTOR -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

(Originally posted on 6/27/14)

 

First of all--just as most pre-recorded VHS tapes begin with an "FBI Warning", I feel as though I should start my review of ADJUST YOUR TRACKING: THE UNTOLD STORY OF THE VHS COLLECTOR (2013) with an "FYI Warning." In short...if you're a "normal" person who doesn't understand the obsessive nature of fandom and/or collecting, chances are this documentary about rabid VHS tape collectors will not only be uninteresting to you, but puzzling and even off-putting as well.

If, however, you share even a fraction of these guys' nostalgia for the glory days of VCRs and video stores, and can empathize with their enthusiasm due to some collecting obsession of your own, then you'll probably find this gushing fanboy love letter to VHS of more than passing interest.

As for me, I bought my first clunky top-loading Magnavox VCR in 1981, as soon as my first real job afforded me the means to do so (about $600), because for me it was the realization of a lifelong dream--the ability to actually record my favorite movies and TV shows, and to put whatever I wanted to on my TV whenever I wanted to watch it.

There were no video stores in town yet, but the appliance store where I bought my VCR had a tiny bookshelf of rental tapes. I got two free ones with my purchase and chose THE GRADUATE and WHERE'S POPPA? After setting up my new VCR at home, my excitement over pushing that big "play" button and seeing the "Magnetic Video" logo pop onto my TV screen at my own bidding was something I'll never forget. That night, I used one of my two free RCA blank tapes to record ALIEN from HBO, marveling at the fact that I could then rewind the tape and watch it again and again.

My tape collection grew quicky as those $25 RCA blank tapes (which were so solidly made that they still play well to this day) gave way to ten-dollar bundles of cheap blank tapes from Wal-Mart, and pre-recorded movies came down in price from $70-100 apiece (priced to sell mostly to video rental stores) to around $20 when a mass market for them was discovered. And the spread of the mom 'n' pop "hole in the wall" video store gave me plenty of tapes to make copies of as soon as I was able to buy a second VCR in '84.

As Troma's Lloyd Kaufman states (other commentators include Fangoria's Tony Timpone, Keith "The Bloody Ape" Crocker, Wild Eye's Rob Hauschild, and our own 42nd St. Pete, along with various authors and video store owners), video stores in those days were "like bookstores." Each one had its own individual ambience and unique selection of movies. But when big, impersonal Blockbuster came along and started driving the little guys out of business, they started selling off their stock at reduced prices. Like many others, I began buying up a lot of these tapes while they lasted.

Because of all this, I can relate to the stories told by the tape collectors in ADJUST YOUR TRACKING and easily share in their nostalgia for the medium of VHS. These guys, however, take it to a whole different, overtly obsessive level that will amuse and amaze.

Many of them, in fact, have recreated the video store experience in their own homes with massive collections displayed on shelves that take up several rooms. One guy has even created his own video store dubbed "Bradco Video" in his basement, including actual store shelves and a checkout counter. Others chatter at length about their methods of categorizing, alphabetizing, and obtaining rare titles, sometimes for hundreds of dollars (a rare piece-of-crap horror flick called TALES FROM THE QUADEAD ZONE went for almost $700 on eBay).

The collectors bask in the physical attributes of VHS, especially the mostly cheapo-looking covers which they often value more than their contents. They talk excitedly about the different distribution companies such as Vestron, Magnetic, and the popular favorite, Wizard (I still have a few of those myself). They trade stories about rare finds at flea markets, conventions, and going-out-of-business sales, and the physical sensation derived from such "lowbrow archeology" ("It feels like getting your first boner").

While the drive to collect and preserve the medium of VHS may seem merely obsessive to many, the fact remains that many films are still available solely on tape and not on DVD and are in danger of becoming lost.

Only time will tell if these torch-carriers' efforts are in vain, or if VHS will resume its place in pop culture the way the vinyl record album has (but in which the 8-track tape has not).

As for me, I resisted the encroachment of the DVD in the late 90s until I was finally won over by the medium and allowed my once-avid interest in videotape to wane. But for the hardcore enthusiasts of ADJUST YOUR TRACKING: THE UNTOLD STORY OF THE VHS COLLECTOR, there is only the delirious pleasure of taking a slab of plastic out of a crudely-decorated box and inserting it into a clunky machine, and watching something which, like life itself, is full of crackles, drop-outs, and other imperfections, and for which adjusting the tracking periodically is simply part of the fun.

(NOTE: I reviewed a screener without the extras. The 2-disc set should include a co-directors' commentary, a producers' commentary, extended interviews, a behind-the-scenes documentary, three short films by the directors, deleted scenes, festival Q & A footage, trailers, and Easter eggs. )

ADJUST YOUR TRACKING: THE UNTOLD STORY OF THE VHS COLLECTOR -- DVD Review by Porfle

Chico Marx Forgets His Lines In "THE COCOANUTS" (1929) (video)

 

Chico and Harpo are breaking Bob (Oscar Shaw) out of jail...

 

...because Bob's girlfriend Polly (Mary Eaton) is being forced to marry bad guy Harvey Yates.

But Chico can't remember the name "Harvey Yates" to save his life.

So Bob finally has to turn psychic and say it for him.

"She's gotta have you. Because tonight she gonna be, uh, engaged."
"To who?"
"To Polly. He's engaged to Polly."
"POLLY'S GOING TO MARRY YATES?"

Nice mind-reading there, Bob!

And to top it all off, Harpo gets his foot stuck in the door on the way out.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Chico Marx Forgets His Lines In "THE COCOANUTS" (1929) (video)

FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/25/21

 

I've been a bad movie lover for so long, I can sit back and enjoy movies like FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER (1965) just as much as I would CITIZEN KANE or THE SOUND OF MUSIC, whereas your average normal person might find both their gag reflex and their flight instinct activated by the very sight of it.

I pity such people their inability to watch stuff like this with the same giddy delight I felt as I ordered the DVD from Amazon, knowing that when it arrived, I would be able to immerse myself in low budget, ineptly made, but wonderfully entertaining sci-fi goodness about aliens from Mars who have come to Earth to kidnap women as breeding stock to help repopulate their atomic war-ravaged planet.

As if that weren't enough, NASA scientist Dr. Adam Steele (venerable actor James "Jim" Karen in an early role) and his co-worker Karen (Nancy Marshall) have just made space travel safer for humans by creating an android astronaut, whom they've named "Colonel Frank Saunders" (Robert Reilly). 

 

 

 
Right after Frank is launched into space, the Martians shoot his rocket down, leaving the horribly disfigured humanoid robot roaming the countryside killing people a la "Frankenstein."

Not only am I not making any of that stuff up, but it's even nuttier than it sounds. The head Martians are played by former Playboy Playmate and Three Stooges co-star Marilyn Hanold (as "Princess Marcuzan") and familiar face Lou Cutell (LITTLE BIG MAN, PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE) as her second-in-command Dr. Nadir, a bald, white-skinned alien with pointed ears and a high camp sense of humor that kicks in whenever he's ordered to blow something up or shoot it down.

Their bargain-basement spaceship is also populated by a gaggle of henchmen whose spacesuits, confusingly, make them look like Earth astronauts. There's also a tall, brawny alien played by the great Bruce Glover (CHINATOWN, DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, WALKING TALL), recognizable even under heavy makeup in his second movie role. He also plays the fearsome space monster of the title, who will indeed meet "Frankenstein" during the film's furious climax.

 

 

 
The story begins in Florida, where, at a press conference, we're treated to the sight of Frank rather comically going freeze-frame during a press conference and having to be hustled back to the lab for repairs by Adam and Karen.

Then we're whisked off to Puerto Rico after Frank's disfiguring crash, allowing the director to shoot a lengthy montage of the two scientists riding a dinky motor scooter along scenic motorways and beachfronts to the film's sappy and rather incongruous love theme, "To Have And To Hold" by The Distant Cousins.

While the two young lovers search for their runaway robo-astronaut, the Martians terrorize the countryside kidnapping bikini-clad women from beaches and pool parties, disintegrating any men who get in their way with sunlight-reflecting ray guns like the ones used in TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE.

 

 

 
Also like that film, this one is surprisingly well-edited, with a gradually quickening pace that leads to a fast-moving, exciting finale that sees the Martians attacked by our air force and Frank, his rational mind now restored, going mano-a-mano with that really cool space monster.

Just as Johnny Depp claims in ED WOOD that he could construct a whole movie out of stock footage, this one goes a long way toward doing just that by using tons of the stuff for any scenes involving either the military or NASA spacecraft (including much footage from Mercury launches and orbital photography). The final five frenetic minutes or so are evidence that the film's editor was having a ball putting this thing together, and it's infectious.

Granted, the shamelessly warped FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER would fit comfortably onto any list of the worst films ever made, but that doesn't keep it from being just as much fun as a lot of "good" movies that I could name. Maybe even more fun if, like me, you're just a tiny bit warped too. 

FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER -- Movie Review by Porfle

Amazing World-Class Bad Acting! ("BLOOD FEAST", 1963) (video)

 

Herschell Gordon Lewis' "Blood Feast" was the first major "gore" film.

Although Bill Kerwin is the only decent actor...

...the other actors are encouraged to emote wildly.

Thus giving us some truly, impressively bad performances...

...including that of Playboy Playmate of the Month (June 1963) Connie Mason.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Amazing World-Class Bad Acting! ("BLOOD FEAST", 1963) (video)

Coolest Steven Seagal Ending Ever? ("URBAN JUSTICE", 2007)(video)

 

(SPOILER ALERT!)

As hokey as it may be...

...I think "Urban Justice" is one of the most fun Steven Seagal direct-to-DVD flicks.

It's a straightforward 70s-style action thriller.

And one of the best things about it...

...is what I consider to be a surprisingly cool ending.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Coolest Steven Seagal Ending Ever? ("URBAN JUSTICE", 2007)(video)

Incredible Earthquake Effects In The Silent 1923 Lon Chaney Classic "The Shock" (video)

 

 

We've seen plenty of earthquake effects in modern movies.

But here's how the special effects wizards did it way back in the silent days of 1923...

...as the great Lon Chaney exhorts mighty nature to wreak terrible vengeance for him.

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

 

 

Incredible Earthquake Effects In The Silent 1923 Lon Chaney Classic "The Shock" (video)

If Movies Rick-Rolled Their Audiences (video)

 

 

Sure, it happens online.

But what if it happened while you were watching a movie for the first time and it was just getting to the good part? 

Talk about a "popcorn-dropping moment."  

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

If Movies Rick-Rolled Their Audiences (video)

HALLOWEEN (35TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION) [BLU-RAY] -- review by porfle

Originally posted on 9/23/13

 

Back in '78, a buddy and I went to see "Halloween" in its heyday.  I remember sitting in the middle of a giddy audience that was wound tight with collective tension, not knowing what would happen next and jumping every time something did.  It was the kind of shared experience that can make going to the movies a pleasure.  And  it was scary, too.  REALLY scary. 

Anchor Bay's new 35th anniversary Blu-ray edition of HALLOWEEN lets us relive that experience, or at least see the film in its original pristine condition just like back in the olden days when it was the next big thing in screen horror.  I'm sure some sharp-eyed Blu-Ray experts will detect various imperfections in the picture and/or sound quality of this new disc, but I used to record VHS tapes on SLP so I'm not all that nitpicky about such things.  Anyway, it looks great to me.

What impresses me most about rewatching the film now is how good it looks for such a low-budget independent effort.  Some reasons for this are the steadiness and freedom of movement that the new Panaglide camera gives cinematographer Dean Cundey--the camera becomes a part of the action in a way rarely seen before, as in the famous extended opening shot--in addition to beautifully-lit night exteriors in which the suburban houses and windblown trees have a ghostly look that manages to capture the way "nighttime" looked to me as a kid. 

But the main reason, of course, is the fact that the young John Carpenter was such a talented filmmaker.  "Halloween" is beautifully and imaginatively directed from start to finish,  filled with both dialogue and action scenes that are designed with economy and efficiency, but with a consistently eye-pleasing aesthetic. 

Carpenter's style isn't always slick (it never really would be, not completely) due to the fact that almost everything he's done has the air of an independent, homegrown effort without Hollywood's handprints all over it.  The story--babysitters menaced by an escaped psycho-killer--is as old and derivative as campfire tales, yet he and partner Debra Hill seem to be brimming with creativity in all other areas of the production.

Since the slasher-stalker film as a genre unto itself was just beginning to take off, there's both a newness and a disarming sort of immaturity to "Halloween" (including some dumb dialogue and awkward acting) that works in its favor.   At times it resembles a likable student film transcending itself thanks to its imaginative direction and sharp editing and cinematography, and hitting on just the right subject matter at just the right time and in just the right way.

Interestingly, there's almost no gore whatsoever, and the violence is hardly stronger than what Hitchcock subjected us to in "Psycho" eighteen years earlier.   Where other slasher flicks such as "Friday the 13th" would simply prolong the lead-up to each kill in tedious ways and then rely on graphic gore as a payoff, Carpenter is able to build and sustain actual old-fashioned suspense (along with audience empathy for his characters rather than merely the desire to see them die) of a kind that is much more effective and fear-inducing. 

Indeed,  the "kill" scenes here are almost cursory, coming after long periods of teasing buildup with a deceptively lighthearted air.   Annie (Nancy Loomis), whom shy Laurie admires for being so "with it", is secretly a klutz, while sexy Lynda (cult fave P.J. Soles of "Carrie" and "Rock 'n' Roll High School" fame) is a comical airhead.  Their deaths are shocking, but hardly the sort of gratuitous, makeup-effects-heavy moments that would come to define the genre.  Just as the almost childlike Michael Myers enjoys toying with his victims, director Carpenter would rather play around with an audience's expectations than bombard them with graphic violence.

It isn't until Laurie (appealing newcomer Jamie Lee Curtis) enters the house in which Annie, Lynda, and Lynda's goofy boyfriend Bob have been killed by "boogeyman" Michael that the film really kicks into high gear, with Carpenter pulling out all the stops to generate nerve-wracking suspense.  Curtis, while not yet a polished actress, really sells it too, screaming and fleeing in panic with the inexorable and seemingly indestructible Michael always a few steps behind her. 

Their classic showdown in a darkened house is the blueprint for many lesser films to come, especially when the apparently-dead Michael, like the Energizer Bunny, keeps coming back to menace the frazzled Laurie anew.  ("Child's Play" villain Chucky would later attain new heights of unkillability.)  Film  veteran Donald Pleasance ("The Great Escape",  "You Only Live Twice") adds his talent and stature to the proceedings as Dr. Loomis, a frantic psychiatrist bent on capturing or killing the escaped lunatic before he can unleash his evil on the world.  He arrives just in time to save the day--or does he?  At the film's blackout ending,  Carpenter's famous percussive musical score will leave you wondering. 

Anchor Bay's special 35th anniversary Blu-Ray edition of "Halloween" comes in a cool Digibook cover with new artwork and a colorfully illustrated making-of booklet.  The film is in 2.35:1 widescreen with Dolby sound (7.1 and original mono) and subtitles in English and Spanish.  In addition to the usual "TV-version" extra footage (which I consider pretty dispensable),  trailers, and TV/ radio spots, there are two  featurettes--"On Location: 25 Years Later" and the all-new "The Night SHE Came Home."  The latter, which runs for a full hour, is a delightful look at Jamie Lee Curtis' only convention appearance (for charity) and how diligently she worked to make the experience a special one for each and every fan.

My favorite bonus feature, though, is the new commentary track featuring Carpenter and Curtis during a relaxed, chatty viewing of the film.  Carpenter, for the most part, yields the floor to his star, who gushes non-stop about it after not having seen it for several years.  While not fond of horror films in general, she's still this particular one's most  enthusiastic fan and, with sometimes surprising perception, explains in detail why each scene is so noteworthy and well-done.  Listening to Jamie Lee talk about HALLOWEEN has given me a renewed appreciation for it, one which enhances each viewing of John Carpenter's timeless horror classic as much as this new HD transfer itself.

HALLOWEEN (35TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION) [BLU-RAY] -- review by porfle

ONE WAY WAHINE (1965) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/21/21

 

Currently watching: bouncy blonde beach goddess of the 1960s, Joy Harmon, in the incredibly obscure beach flick ONE WAY WAHINE (1965).

If you're a fan of the divine Joy Harmon, chances are you've already watched her magnum opus, VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS (also from 1965) numerous times. You'll also have fond memories of her legendary car-washing scene in COOL HAND LUKE two years later.

And vintage TV fans will even recall her charming appearances with an eyebrow-waggling Groucho Marx on his classic 1950s-era shows "You Bet Your Life" and "Tell It To Groucho" under the name "Patty Harmon."

 

Joy popped up in several other movies and TV episodes during her career, which spanned from 1956 to 1973, but her only starring role seems to be in the little-known ONE WAY WAHINE. ("It rhymes with bikini!" the poster tells us.)

Shot on a miniscule budget by a long-forgotten production company, this odd little film features Joy as Kit, an impossibly tanned beach bunny who, when not drawing the attention of every man in sight sunbathing on a Hawaiian beach, likes to wander from party to party while making a meager living doing whatever she can to get by.

We first see her stretched out on a beach towel looking almost as dark as "Tan Mom" but without the use of a tanning booth. She's being ogled via binoculars by a couple of fugitives from a Chicago bank robbery, Charley and Hugo (character actors Lee Kreiger and Ken Meyer, familiar faces from such films as THE GHOST AND MR. CHICKEN and LITTLE BIG MAN), as they lounge on the balcony of their Hawaiian getaway pad.

 

 

When Kit's friend Lou (David Whorf) delivers some hooch to the crooked pair and deduces that they're sitting on a bundle of stolen cash, he enlists his roommate Chick (Anthony Eisley) to help cook up a plan to steal the stolen loot themselves by setting up Kit and Chick's girlfriend Brandy (Adele Claire) as call girls who will seduce the bank robbers and then slip a Mickey into their drinks.

From the plot description, one can easily surmise that this is anything but the usual "beach party" teen movie. In fact, it's hard to figure out just who the filmmakers were aiming this pleasantly odd diversion at besides Joy Harmon fans hoping to catch her in and out of her clothes while basking in her bubbly dumb-blonde (but not that dumb) persona. (Her energetic dance to the film's theme song is a highlight.)

And unlike the standard beach movies, there's no surfing, romantic complications, zany supporting characters (unless one counts a bearded, unrecognizable Edgar Bergen as aging beach bum Sweeney and "Green Acres" icon Alvy Moore as Kit's amorous landlord), or big-name rock 'n' roll stars. 

 

 

In fact, most of the people in this movie are well past even pretending to be teenagers. (Pretty Adele Claire could even be described as a "milf.")

Despite various attempts at lightheartedness, the plan that our two main couples are hatching has an air of real danger about it (especially after we see bank robber Charley cleaning his automatic weapon which he always keeps at the ready).

When a dolled-up Kit and Brandy finally show up at Charley and Hugo's pad with knockout pills ready to slip into their drinks, the preliminary partying leads to one bad break after another for the girls until, to our dismay, fists start flying and the attempts at sex become wildly non-consensual. And the situation actually escalates from there.

 

 

While the first half of the film drags a bit and gives no indication that it will ever actually become more than a somewhat endearingly cheap novelty, the second half got my movie-watching juices flowing nicely. And the Hawaiian backdrop is a big improvement over the dreary beaches where Frankie and Annette used to hang out.

The cast is made up mainly of recognizable old pros (Eisley, Kreiger, Meyer, Bergen) who help us get past the film's low budget and its bland "point and shoot" directing style. (I won't comment on the image and color quality, sound, etc. since the copy I watched was anything but optimum.)

And of course there's the divine Joy, who provides fans with some delectable eye candy while fully displaying her sparkling personality. She's the main reason for spending time on a mildly diverting but otherwise wholly unexceptional obscurity like ONE WAY WAHINE, and it's to her credit that the time, for me anyway, felt not so badly spent.

ONE WAY WAHINE (1965) -- Movie Review by Porfle