UNDISCOVERED -- Movie Review by Porfle

(NOTE: This review originally appeared online at Bumscorner.com way back in 2005.)


The dog rides a skateboard!

I'm serious! She pushes it along with one paw, and then jumps on and whizzes down the street! Holy smokes! It's freakin' awesome! The DOG rides a freakin' SKATEBOARD!

And when she rounds the corner and disappears, then the last thing that might possibly elicit any interest in the movie known as UNDISCOVERED (2005) also disappears. But I'll always have that memory--the dog rides a skateboard. (sigh)

And now, the review proper:

Aspiring musician Luke Falcon (yes, that's really his name in the movie) encounters a woman on the subway who is REALLY HOT, according to the script. Her name is Brier (Yes! Holy gosh, yes! That's really her name!) and she's a model, and she thinks he's really hot too! But before they can consummate their bond of mutual hotness, a closing subway door comes between them. Brier picks up a glove that Luke has dropped and holds it up. "You dropped your glove!" she astutely observes. Luke, being the quintessential romantic guy that women who read romance novels swoon over, immediately throws the other glove at her just as the door slams shut. Oh, my garsh! He's the king of the "meet-cute"!

I first encountered the term "meet-cute" thanks to Roger Ebert. I think he made it up, but I could be wrong. Anyway, to me it seems as though as soon as Roger identified the phenomenon of the "meet-cute" then sensible filmmakers would begin to avoid it lest they be accused of indulging in cliche'. But not the makers of this film. They embraced it. They began their film with a classic, nerve-wracking, teeth-grinding "meet-cute."

Not only that, but right afterward Luke informs his brother that he has been "smitten." Guys, how many times have you ever told another guy that you've just been "smitten"? Enough times to get your ass kicked? Well, just minutes into the movie it's overwhelmingly apparent that Luke should get his ass kicked but good, but he doesn't. He's too busy moving to L.A. to pursue a career as a rock star. A rock star that you may listen to, but not me, because his songs suck. Oh, my gompers, do they suck. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Guess what? Brier's moving to L.A., too. She's a model, but she wants to be an actress, so she's going to take acting lessons and try to break into the acting business. Can she act? Only as well as the actress playing her, which, unfortunately, means "no." But who cares, because--oh, joy--one of her fellow acting students is none other than Ashlee Simpson! Yippee! It just keeps getting better!

Can Ashlee act? That's a pretty interesting and important question, since acting would seem to be a real career booster for her. Lots of successful singers have become big-time actresses, thus bolstering their "double-threat" entertainment value. Will Ashlee be one of them? No, she won't. Her acting style consists of goofy smiles, googly eyes, and coy, cutesy expressions. But it fits right into this coy, cutesy movie, so all's right with the world, eh? Harrumph!

Well, in a nod to cinematic believability, it turns out that Ashlee (or Clea, as she in known in the movie) is Luke's best friend, and she takes Brier to the nightclub where Luke is performing his insanely crappy songs. Yes, that's right -- two strangers who had a brief "meet-cute" in New York and then seperately moved to L.A. just happen to run into each other just as soon as they get there. Why, it's fate! Or bad writing, or something.

But there's Luke (played by Steven Strait, now appearing as "Stevie" in the Starz series "Magic City"), singing his boring widdle butt off in a nightclub while record company executive Fisher Stevens (a welcome sight since he's the only person I recognize so far besides Carrie Fisher, and he actually sorta knows how to act) describes him in a manner that I can readily agree with: "This guy here...he sings from his heart. I wanna throw up."

Anyway, Luke (whom Clea describes as a cross between Jeff Buckley and Elvis Costello, although Jeff Foxworthy and Lou Costello would be more apt musical comparisons) seeks to resume his aborted acquaintance with the lovely and talented (OMG!) Brier ("When are we gonna break outta the 'friend zone'?", he asks -- no, really!), but she rejects his romantic advances because she just can't seem to shake her squishy feelings for the genuine big-time rock star she's been dating. That is, the grunge relic who cheats on her with a succession of groupies and doesn't call her for months at a time. Oh, good choice, Brier.

But Clea talks some sense into her, or at least what she can manage to approximate as sense ("I don't think you fall out of love until you fall into someone else" she actually says, which I can't believe wasn't the official tagline for this movie), and they both suddenly devise a brilliant plan to create such a buzz about Luke that he will become an honest-to-goodness big-time rock star for real! And THERE'S THE SET-UP! TA-DAAAA!

Brier calls her former modeling agent, played by the unfortunate Carrie Fisher, to help out with the big Luke Falcon publicity blitz. Carrie is older and plumper than she was in her Princess Leia days (not that there's anything wrong with that), and appears to be less than ecstatic about being seen in this huge, gobbling turkey. She's probably wishing that Han Solo would swoop into the frame and lug her away. Or at least shoot her.

Well, things trudge boringly along after that--Luke's hot for some committed-relationship action, but Brier keeps vaccillatin', Luke loses his record deal, etc.--I don't want to spoil the plot for you, blah blah blah, and after some more stuff happens, there's a sickly-sweet happy ending. There's always a happy ending in these stories, right? Except for THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN, one of the worst teen comedies ever made, which, incredibly, is better than UNDISCOVERED.

That movie had a very, very sad ending, but it made me very happy since I couldn't stand Lawrence Monoson, the blubbering idiot who starred in it. But that's neither here nor there, although for some reason talking about one really bad movie inspires me to yap about all the other bad movies that have contributed to the living hell that is life on this here fab-u-licious Earth of ours.

On the technical side: the meandering camerawork seems to have been done by a near-sighted wino with ADD, because he keeps wandering around finding interest in other things besides the actors. And someone keeps screwing around with the focus, too. Is this what they call "MTV-style" cinematography? If it is, then MTV sucks. I could find three-year-old kids who could handle a camera better than this.

The editing, of course, is an entirely different thing altogether. That is, what is meant to represent editing in this film is entirely different from whatever is generally known in film circles as "editing." But what the hell--as long as the kids get their "MTV-style" fix, if indeed that's what they're looking for when they go to the movies, then here it is. Total crap, wrapped up in a badly directed, poorly edited "MTV-style" package--so EAT IT, KIDS! YUM-YUM!

Watching this filmic endeavor, I kept being reminded of another really bad movie that seared itself onto my cerebral cortex several years ago--IF EVER I SEE YOU AGAIN, the magnum opus of producer/director/writer/composer/star Joe Brooks of YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE fame. Both movies are really, really BAD-bad, both feature sappy love stories with plenty of awful, grinning-like-a-loon, super-duper cutesy-poo bad acting and blood-curdling music, and both left me feeling as though I had just been fished out of a vat of toxic chemicals at the Axis Chemical Company. It's not often that I compare a movie to IF EVER I SEE YOU AGAIN, my personal fixation of total, gibbering cinematic horror, but in this case I'm going to make an exception. UNDISCOVERED is just as bad. It's the IF EVER I SEE YOU AGAIN of a new generation.

I should probably say something in conclusion, even though I think I've already pretty much said everything I wanted to say about this movie, so I'll end with one of those cleverly snarky movie review-type comments: "UNDISCOVERED is a movie that should REMAIN undiscovered!" (LOL!) But, to be fair, it wasn't a total loss. There was, after all, the skateboarding dog. HOLY STUPID PET TRICKS! THE DOG RIDES A SKATEBOARD! YEEE-HAAAA!!!

UNDISCOVERED -- Movie Review by Porfle

The Three Stooges' Larry Fine In His Only Solo Cameo ("Stage Mother", 1933)

 

Ted Healy and his 3 Stooges, Howard Fine and Howard...

...filmed scenes together for 1933's "Stage Mother" but they were cut. All that survived...

...was this one brief glimpse of Larry on his own for the only time without Moe.

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

The Three Stooges' Larry Fine In His Only Solo Cameo ("Stage Mother", 1933)

FEROCIOUS PLANET -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/1/11

About halfway through the TV-movie FEROCIOUS PLANET (2011), star Joe Flanigan brings viewers who have joined the film in progress up to speed:  "This is a hell of a day...a science experiment goes wrong, sticks us in a monster-filled parallel dimension with six hours to get home."  Viewers looking for something really good to watch immediately switch channels, while those of us with nothing better to do stick around and are mildly entertained for awhile.

If you catch the movie from the beginning, it doesn't take long to see that this entry in the SyFy Channel's "Maneater" series is one of those bad-CGI "monster of the week" flicks that they seem to churn out like sausage these days.  Alternately lighthearted and lightheaded, it at least manages to rise above its much stupider brethren by avoiding, for the most part anyway, the farcical and ridiculous.  Even so, this is hardly ever more than just a bunch of people in the woods running away from some fake-looking monsters.

Joe Flanigan plays a wrongly-disgraced Army colonel now doing security work in a lab where Dr. Jillian O'Hara (Dagmar Döring) and her nervous assistant Brian (Robert Soohan) are demonstrating their new invention to a skeptical senator (John Rhys-Davies with a really bad accent) and the President's science advisor, Dr. Karen Fast (Catherine Walker) in hopes of securing more funding.



Sort of a parallel-worlds viewer, the machine malfunctions and sends the group, along with part of the building they're standing in, into one of those hostile worlds filled with large creatures who want to eat them.  With only six hours to fix the device and return home, they must venture into the woods to find fifty gallons of water to power it (I didn't catch why) while avoiding the jaws and claws of numerous hungry whatsits.

Filmed mostly in the woods in Ireland, FEROCIOUS PLANET plays kind of like one of the more run-of-the-mill episodes of "Stargate: Atlantis" with Flanigan pretty much doing his Lt. Colonel John Sheppard character.  The humor is weak ("We're gonna need a bigger boat!" Flanigan incongruously quips upon first sight of a big creature) as is most of the other dialogue. 

Direction and camerawork are bland, while the performances are competent enough.  I liked Catherine Walker as Dr. Fast, whose dedication to scientific discovery compels her to set off on her own toward a distant building in hopes of meeting extraterrestrial beings.  What happens to her is pretty much the only thing in the whole movie that I cared anything about.
 


The rest of the story is your basic "fix the machine in time to get back home before the monsters get us" stuff, with various supporting characters periodically snuffing it in semi-gruesome ways.  This usually involves CGI gore, which isn't real gore like they had back in the good old practical-effects days so it has little dramatic effect.  The creatures come off okay in closeup, but for the most part they're so artificial-looking that they constantly took me out of the movie.

The DVD from Vivendi Entertainment is in widescreen with English Dolby 5.1 sound.  No subtitles, but does feature closed-captions.  There are no extras.

As a made-for-TV creature feature, FEROCIOUS PLANET isn't one of the worst I've ever seen but it definitely doesn't come close to being one of the best.  While watchable and even kind of fun at times, it isn't something I'd go out of my way for.

FEROCIOUS PLANET -- DVD Review by Porfle

The Three Stooges In "Myrt & Marge" (1933) (video)

 

One of the earliest screen appearances of The Three Stooges was a substantial role in the 1933 comedy-musical "Myrt and Marge."

They were still being billed as "Howard, Fine, and Howard."

And they were still the "stooges" of top banana Ted Healy.

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

The Three Stooges In "Myrt & Marge" (1933) (video)

"The Silencer" -- Song Written & Performed by Carole Pope For The 1992 Film Of The Same Name (video)

 

Carole Pope wrote and performed this Bond-style song for the 1992 Crown International spy film of the same name, which starred Lynette Walden and Chris Mulkey. Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

"The Silencer" -- Song Written & Performed by Carole Pope For The 1992 Film Of The Same Name (video)

The Three Stooges: Unidentified Floating Objects (video)

 

You expect to see things flying around in a Three Stooges comedy.

But sometimes those things didn't really "fly" as much as they...floated? Anyway, it just sorta adds to the comedy! 

Here are the Three Stooges shorts used in this video and their release years:

Pardon My Scotch – 1935 

Yes, We Have No Bonanza – 1939

Spooks! – 1953 

Pardon My Backfire – 1953

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

The Three Stooges: Unidentified Floating Objects (video)

The Three Stooges: When Curly, Shemp, And Their Stand-Ins Became Joe Besser (video)

 

Here are the times when old footage of Curly and Shemp (and their stand-ins) was used in later Joe Besser remakes. They're in order of the Joe shorts. Can you think of any I missed? The ones used are: Oily To Bed, Oily To Rise (1939) Oil's Well That Ends Well (1958) He Cooked His Goose (1952) Triple Crossed (1959) What's The Matador? (1942) Sappy Bullfighters (1959) Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

The Three Stooges: When Curly, Shemp, And Their Stand-Ins Became Joe Besser (video)

THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/23/19

In 1953 England's Ealing Studios, specialists in folksy feelgood comedies, released their first Technicolor film THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT (Film Movement Classics). And in keeping with that colorful milestone, it's one of their most cheerful, exhilarating comedies ever.

Titfield is one of those small English villages that's right out of a storybook, with an easygoing, tightly-knit citizenry to match.  When the powers-that-be threaten to close down their little railroad between Titfield and an adjacent town, leaving the transport business wide open for an unscrupulous pair of bus operators, some of the plucky leading citizens of the town get together to acquire the railway themselves and keep it running.

These include the railway founder's grandson, Gordon (John Gregson, THE LONGEST DAY, SOS PACIFIC) and elderly vicar Sam (George Relph), a die-hard train enthusiast, who persuade well-to-do pub owner Mr. Valentine (Stanley Holloway, PASSPORT TO PIMLICO, IN HARM'S WAY) to finance the endeavor with the promise that he can operate a traveling bar on the train that can stay open all hours of the day and night.

But even with the financing and resources all settled, there's still the matter of getting approval from the railway authorities, who will be sending an inspector in one month's time to assess the train's worthiness.

This gives bus owners Alec Pearce (Ewan Roberts) and Vernon Crump (Jack MacGowran) time to pull every dastardly trick in the book to wreck the budding railway's chances, even if it means wrecking the train itself.

Thus, the stage is set for one of the liveliest and most action-packed comedies to come out of England in the 50s.  Some of the bits of business in and around the Thunderbolt are worthy of Buster Keaton, at least in terms of cinematic enthusiasm and a sense of unbridled ebullience. 

We get some good old "will they make it there in time" suspense during the exciting climax in which everything seems to go wrong while the inspector is aboard, thanks to the never-ending attempts at sabotage from Pearce and Crump.

Not only that, but we're also treated to a few stunning setpieces including a runaway locomotive steaming through the streets of town and a thrilling derailment in which the model work is first class.

Enriching the experience even more is a top-notch cast giving very likable performances, including Hugh Griffith (WHAT?, BEN-HUR, EXODUS) as a crusty old former engineer constantly jostling with vicar Sam to see who gets to drive the train. 

The lush, verdant, pastoral setting and relaxed atmosphere of Titfield mirrors that of John Ford's similar-looking THE QUIET MAN, released a year earlier, with happy villagers evincing a sense of solidarity and togetherness which extends to their cooperative efforts to help keep their beloved railway going themselves.

The presence of Jack MacGowran playing yet another simpering toady is an even further tie to Ford's film, in which he served the same role (as "Ignatius Feeney") to Victor McLaglen's blustery bully. 

And the direction by Charles Crichton (A FISH CALLED WANDA, THE LAVENDER HILL MOB) and script by T.E.B. Clarke (PASSPORT TO PIMLICO, THE LAVENDER HILL MOB) suffer not a bit in comparison.

Most of all, THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT is an endearingly optimistic, benignly human story whose warmth and genuine humor are matched by a gorgeous, almost fairytale setting. And it will henceforth be on my short list of movies to reach for whenever I need a bit of cheering up.


Buy it from Film Movement


Tech Specs

1953
84 Minutes
United Kingdom
English
Comedy, Classics
Not Rated
Sound: Mono
Discs: 1

Blu-ray Features

Making The Titfield Thunderbolt featurette
Cinematographer Douglas Slocombe Home Movie Footage
The Lion Locomotive featurette
Locations featurette
Douglas Slocombe on Charles Crichton audio interview
The Titfield Thunderbolt original trailer
Stills gallery

THE TITFIELD THUNDERBOLT -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

All The Giant Behemoth Scenes From "THE GIANT BEHEMOTH" (1959) (video)

THE GIANT BEHEMOTH is a radioactive monster from the depths of the sea.

The film was known in England as BEHEMOTH, THE SEA MONSTER.

The director, Eugène Lourié, also directed THE BEAST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS as well as GORGO and THE COLOSSUS OF NEW YORK.

The stop-motion animation was done in Los Angeles by SPFX pioneer Willis O'Brien of KING KONG fame.

These effects were then integrated into footage filmed in Great Britain.
O'Brien made the most of a relatively low budget.

Audiences noticed the film's similiarities to BEAST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS.

Distributors insisted on such a dinosaur-like creature instead of the script's original radioactive blob.

British film censors originally gave the film an "X" certificate.
This was changed to an "A" after two minutes were removed.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

 

All The Giant Behemoth Scenes From "THE GIANT BEHEMOTH" (1959) (video)

"THE DIRTY DOZEN" (1967): Worst Closeup Ever? (video)

It's one of the best war movies ever...

...but there's a closeup in THE DIRTY DOZEN that's one of the worst.

Who in the heck ever thought this shot of Richard Jaeckel was a good idea?


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

"THE DIRTY DOZEN" (1967): Worst Closeup Ever? (video)

SIN IN THE SUBURBS (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/8/18

 

SIN IN THE SUBURBS (1964) is writer-director Joe Sarno continuing to come into his own as a filmmaker who takes the genre of naughty, softcore sex potboilers and invests it with an unusual dramatic heft and interesting characters who trade dialogue that's sharp and fun to listen to.

Not to say that the obligatory sleaze and tawdriness of such films are missing here--it's the sort of world Sarno's characters exist in, whether they be conniving lowlifes using sex for gain or well-to-do hypocrites posing as model citizens while indulging forbidden sexual perversions behind closed doors.

The term "when the cat's away" really fits this normal-looking 60s suburb in which lonely, sex-hungry wives, feeling neglected by their working husbands, have it off with various neighbors, workmen, or, in the case of Mrs. Lewis (Audrey Campbell, THE SEXPERTS), her teen daughter Kathy's high school friend.

Meanwhile, we see local sex-bomb Yvette lounging around the house in lingerie and paying the furniture bill by seducing the collector.  Yvette lives with her supposed "brother" Louis (W.B. Parker), and together they're hatching a scheme to start an illicit sex club which they hope will have frustrated neighbors shelling out hundreds of bucks for.

What starts out a bit like a sex comedy (the bill collector guy is funny) soon veers toward the dramatic as the sexual vortex so many of the characters seem caught in starts to spin out of control.  Lisa, left alone while husband Henry is at work, starts guzzling booze and luring abusive workmen into her home. Mrs. Lewis has daytime swingers' parties with friends in her own house, one of which is walked in upon by a her shocked daughter Kathy.

Kathy, it seems, has the wildest life of them all when she's molested by her would-be boyfriend and then seduced into a hot lesbian affair with Yvette. Judy Young plays her with just the right balance between still just a kid and becoming a troubled, sexually-confused young woman.

It's almost the stuff soap operas are made of, but it's all so edgy (for its time) and starkly compelling that we're constantly transfixed by what's going on and eager to see what happens next.  Sarno's evolving as a director with an instinctive talent for staging interesting shots and bringing out the best in his cast.

The story content is strictly adults-only for 1964, with elements such as adultery, attempted rape, lesbianism, and other sensitive subjects that were still taboo.  It feels like we're watching something on the shady side, getting a voyeuristic glimpse at these desperate sinful lives.

Sarno's screenplay goes beyond simple sexploitation and builds to an emotionally jarring ending after one of Yvette and Louis' illicit sex parties, which is staged remarkably and with lasting effect.

Sarno's black-and-white photography is crisp, noirish, and constantly interesting to look at.  The print used for Film Movement's Blu-ray edition is very good, even with the occasional scratches, specks, etc. which, for me, give it a nostalgic feel that recalls the well-worn prints we used to see at the local theater or on late-night TV.

Having just watched the original Star Trek episode "I, Mudd" the night before, I was surprised to see the actor who played the android "Norman", Richard Tatro, as the dangerous guy Lisa foolishly opens her front door to.

Yvette is played by none other than Dyanne Thorne (billed here as Lahna Monroe) of "Ilsa, She-Wolf of the S.S." fame, looking almost unrecognizable with her jet-black bouiffant hairdo. The film's one bit of actual nudity is a fleeting glimpse of her bare breasts.

SIN IN THE SUBURBS ends with a shadowy, poignant shot that looks like it might be straight out of early David Lynch.  And with it continues my fondness for Joe Sarno's exquisite black-and-white early films, which are unlike anything else I've seen.

Read our reviews of other Joe Sarno films HERE

SIN IN THE SUBURBS (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle

BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/7/09

"Why," asks the tagline for 2009's BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT, "would a man frame himself for murder?" Hmm--because he's stupid? Or maybe because he's an ambitious young TV-news reporter who wants to prove that a big-shot district attorney, in a bid to become the next governor, has been planting DNA evidence to help him win high-profile murder cases?

If you chose either of those possibilities, you get a cigar. Jesse Metcalfe (LOADED, JOHN TUCKER MUST DIE) plays C.J. Nicholas, the boyish newshound with the half-baked scheme to have himself charged with the brutal murder of a prostitute with the help of his cameraman, Finley (Joel Moore). With an industrious fervor, they plant just about every bit of fake evidence necessary to have the cops come knocking at C.J.'s door with a warrant, led by the always likable Orlando Jones as Detective Ben Nickerson. Stupid mission accomplished!

But before you can say "oops", the DVD evidence needed to clear C.J. of the charges and prove district attorney Mark Hunter (Michael Douglas) guilty of evidence tampering is destroyed. Cut to our brilliant reporter on death row awaiting his execution by lethal injection. Can you say "duh"?

But wait--as chance would have it, C.J. has been romancing Hunter's pretty assistant, Ella (Amber Tamblyn, "Joan of Arcadia"), and she embarks on a little Nancy Drew action to try and clear his name. But Hunter's onto her, and sics his burly bad-cop henchman on her. Will she live long enough to save the day?

A remake of the 1956 film noir directed by Fritz Lang, this low-grade thriller by writer-director Peter Hyams (THE STAR CHAMBER, OUTLAND, 2010), which was filmed in Shreveport, Louisiana, is little more than a mildly-interesting way to waste an hour and a half. Hyams rushes us through the plot as though he's afraid to linger on anything for more than a few seconds, making it impossible for us to really get to know these characters or invest any emotion in them.

This is reflected in the choppy, hyper editing, which bombards us with way too many different shots and camera angles even in the slower scenes. Major story points and exposition are often revealed by on-the-spot TV reporters covering the trial, making us feel as though we've missed whole scenes. This kind of hurried-along, shorthand storytelling gives the film a flat, distant feeling that is in evidence even in the love scenes between C.J. and Ella, which are perfunctory at best, and drain much of the suspense from the courtroom scenes themselves, which should have been the film's high point. Murky cinematography and sound, along with one of master film composer David Shire's least effective scores, also fall short of the mark.

The story comes to life during its action and suspense sequences. Hyams delivers a rousing chase scene in the first half, with a frantic Finley racing to get to the courtroom on time with the evidence to clear C.J. as Hunter's crooked cop pursues him with intent to kill. Another chase in a parking garage has the bad guy trying to run down a fleeing Ella--there's a really neat shot of her cowering against a pillar as he does doughnuts around her in his car. In a less frenetic scene, Ella tries to steal some restricted files from a police computer before the cop in charge returns and catches her, generating some mild Hitchcock-style suspense. Here, the editing serves the film well for a change.

Metcalf and Tamblyn do what they can with their underwritten characters, but we never have more than a superficial interest in them. Douglas, of course, can make the most of material like this without breaking a sweat, and it's a shame his character wasn't fleshed out more--it would've been interesting to see him given more to do. As it is, he advances the plot and that's about it. On a positive note, none of the actors attempts one of those comically fake-sounding Southern accents that one sometimes hears in these Louisiana-based productions.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Surround 5.1 and English and Spanish subtitles. Extras include a commentary with Hyams and Metcalfe, and two brief (less than four minutes apiece) featurettes. One is a making-of promo, "The Whole Truth--The Making of 'Beyond a Reasonable Doubt'" and the other, "Criminal Forensics--The Burden of Proof" features an ex-cop discussing how crime-scene evidence is collected and processed.

It's hard to sink your teeth into BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT--it's like sitting down to a steak dinner and being served a bowl of Jello. You might even be a little amazed at how rushed the story's resolution is, although just when you think it's over, there's a nifty twist right before the fadeout that almost makes the whole viewing experience worthwhile. It's too little too late, but I liked it.

 

BEYOND A REASONABLE DOUBT -- DVD Review by Porfle

The Three Stooges: Reusable Endings (For Non-Remakes) (video)

 

Three Stooges' remakes often used the same footage for their endings...

...but sometimes unrelated non-remakes did too.

And in at least one case the ending was identical!

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

The Three Stooges: Reusable Endings (For Non-Remakes) (video)

The Three Stooges in "Start Cheering" (video)

 

In this 1938 Columbia comedy starring Jimmy Durante, the boys do a cameo bit as football tackling dummies. Talk about typecasting! Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

The Three Stooges in "Start Cheering" (video)

THE BOYS IN THE BAND -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/25/08

While growing up, I'd always known THE BOYS IN THE BAND (1970) as "that gay movie" because it was pretty much the first of its kind. Now that I've seen it, it's not the gay version of ROOTS as I'd long suspected, nor is it a farcical companion piece to LA CAGE AUX FOLLES. Based on the groundbreaking Off-Broadway play by Mart Crowley (who also wrote the screenplay) and starring the original cast, it's full of wonderfully witty dialogue along with some equally lowbrow humor, but what it eventually becomes is an emotional drama about people who joke about their own inner turmoil until the laughter turns to bitter tears and scathing recriminations.

The story begins with Michael giving a surprise birthday party in his apartment for his friend Harold, when suddenly his former college roommate, Alan, shows up. Which wouldn't be a problem, except Michael, Harold, and everyone else at the party are gay, while Alan is (seemingly) arrow-straight and unprepared for the sight of a bunch of guys drinking Pink Ladies and chorus dancing to "Love is Like a Heat Wave." Although the story is lighthearted and filled with breezy humor and wisecracks at first, we get the feeling we're in for some heavy drama sooner or later. Alan's presence at the party is the proverbial other shoe that begs to be dropped at some point, but even this is hardly the main event we think it will be--before the night is over, shoes will be dropping all over the place.

THE BOYS IN THE BAND is one of those filmed plays that often betrays its theatrical origins--but in a good way--while remaining almost self-consciously cinematic in order to balance things out. Director William Friedkin deftly keeps the camera moving and the characters in motion with various bits of business, and the acting, dialogue, and editing all crackle. Several of the lines are quoteworthy--when Michael's weekend lover Donald enters in his party attire and asks, "Am I stunning?", Michael responds, "You're absolutely stunning. You look like sh**, but I'm absolutely stunned."

Birthday boy Harold's belated appearance is worth waiting for--he's a real pip, and Friedkin lets us know it by giving him an entrance worthy of Karloff's monster in FRANKENSTEIN. Impeccably dressed and coolly detached, this self-described "32-year-old ugly pockmarked Jew fairy" saunters world-wearily into the midst of the film's first major blow-up and levels the whole thing like a cross between Bette Davis and Oscar Wilde. His acerbic attitude and dry, sarcastic witticisms usher in the film's next phase of frank dialogue and brittle interplay. As for Michael, he seems to morph into Joan Crawford the longer he's around Harold and starts in on him with relentlessly cutting putdowns, which the unflappable Harold disinterestedly waves off with bland retorts like "You hateful sow."

When a sudden rainstorm buffets the terrace and forces the party inside, putting everyone into close quarters including the shell-shocked Alan, it's here that Michael's alcohol-fueled cruel streak really comes to the fore and nobody is spared. He initiates a party game designed to humiliate the participants for his own sour amusement, but, in unintended ways, it forces the characters to confront problems that need to be worked out--not just gay problems, but universal ones as well. Even the cartoonishly-flamboyant Emory gets his fleeting moment to be a real person instead of a caricature. Ultimately, Michael himself turns out to have the biggest issues, and Harold's just the guy to make him face them.

By this time, we don't need kinetic visuals to keep us interested, so Friedkin gets more stagy during this sequence to focus attention on the dialogue. Still, he handles it all with exquisite dexterity. The final act is riveting, with the kind of raw emotion played to the hilt that you rarely see outside of something like Liz and Dick going at each other in WHO'S AFRAID OF VIRGINIA WOOLF?

As Michael, Kenneth Nelson runs the gamut of emotions in a brilliant and moving performance. Leonard Frey is so decadently cool as Harold, he could almost be a Bond villian. Laurence Luckinbill and Keith Prentice have some great moments together as Hank and Larry, a couple with painfully differing views on monogamy. Alan, whose homophobia may be a denial of his true nature, is played by Peter White with just the right enigmatic touch. 

The one really flaming queen in the bunch, Cliff Gorman's Emory--described by Alan as "a butterfly in heat"--is the most stereotypically camp character, but in a story in which almost everyone is gay, the omission of someone like Emory might seem unrealistic in itself. The rest of the ensemble is equally good, including Frederick Combs as Donald, Reuben Greene as Bernard, and Robert La Tourneaux as Cowboy, Emory's dumb-blonde birthday gift to Harold.

The film has been restored under Friedkin's supervision and remixed in stereo sound. In a way, the look reminded me of a really high-class Joe Sarno movie but without the sex. After watching it I couldn't wait to indulge in the bonus features, which include a commentary track with Friedkin and Crowley being interviewed, and three featurettes. The titles, "The Boys in the Band: The Play", "The Boys in the Band: The Movie", and "The Boys in the Band: Today", are self-explanatory, and feature retrospective comments by Friedkin, Crowley, and some of the surviving castmembers.

As far as the fine art of transferring plays to the screen goes, THE BOYS IN THE BAND is a tour-de-force for the young Friedkin and a robustly entertaining experience for the viewer. It's funny, emotionally searing, and cathartic. And it's a lot more than just "that gay movie", because anyone can recognize some of these characters' fears and insecurities in themselves. But the fact that they are gay gives it all a unique perspective that adds to its resonance.

THE BOYS IN THE BAND -- DVD Review by Porfle

Amazing Hospital Dance Sequence From "Freak Dance" (2010)(video)

 

Here's a rousing scene from a movie we reviewed back in 2010, which parodies those big dance numbers from Hollywood musicals aimed at "hip" young audiences. You can read our original review HERE.

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Amazing Hospital Dance Sequence From "Freak Dance" (2010)(video)

GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 12/14/20

 

One fan's cheesy low-budget monster mash is another fan's treasure.  Film Detective has taken a prime example of this, director Richard Cunha's 1958 debut feature GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN, and served both kinds of fans (including those of us who are both) with a crisp, finely-rendered restoration.

Filmed mostly on location in the rugged mountains and forests of southern California, this is the tale of a monstrous Spanish conquistador named Vargas who wakes after being frozen alive in solid rock for centuries and goes on a rampage that leaves ravaged bodies both animal and human in his wake.

Played by 6'6" actor Buddy Baer (FAIR WIND TO JAVA, QUO VADIS, AFRICA SCREAMS), brother of famed boxer Max Baer, the armor-clad behemoth sports a fearsome visage created by former Universal makeup maestro Jack Pierce and swings a deadly battle ax.

While the local sheriff (cowboy star Bob Steele, later to be a regular on the TV classic "F Troop") tries to solve the mysterious murders, archeologist Wayne Brooks (Ed Kemmer, THE SPIDER, "Space Patrol") heads into the wilderness with fellow explorer Dr. Cleveland (Morris Ankrum, ROCKETSHIP X-M, EARTH VS. THE FLYING SAUCERS) and his beautiful daughter Janet (Sally Fraser, WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST, IT CONQUERED THE WORLD, THE SPIDER), where their search for ancient relics brings them frighteningly face to face with a live one.

As they inch closer to the truth behind the recent murders, Vargas follows up his killing of more townspeople by setting his sights on Janet.  This will eventually bring every able bodied man in town into the hunt for the monster, who uses his fierce strength and cunning to fight them off. The film climaxes with a furious confrontation between him and the vastly outmatched Brooks.

 

For fans of low-budget movies, this is a fascinating opportunity to observe Cunha's handling of his meager resources and limited experience (before this, he'd done mainly commercials, industrial films, and the like), and a solid cast composed largely of film veterans doing their best with an often awkward script, to turn in what is a professional-looking effort that entertains despite a slow pace and some dull spots.

Technical aspects are well-handled, with photography and camerawork especially good. Composer Albert Glasser turns in his usual wildly bombastic score. Pierce's makeup mastery creates a monster who resembles a huge stone Golem, with Baer using his wide, glaring eyes to good effect. 

 

The Blu-ray from Film Detective is a 4k transfer from the original camera negative. Bonus features include a commentary track by noted horror/sci-fi film historian and author Tom Weaver which also includes comments by Cunha and others involved in the film. There's also an illustrated booklet with additional information and trivia. Several other features are listed below.

Fans of Cunha's other films such as FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER, SHE DEMONS, and MISSILE TO THE MOON will likely find this relatively modest but nicely-done effort of great interest. While B-grade at best, and only moderately exciting, GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN nevertheless remains one of those minor gems from which appreciative genre fans can derive a special kind of pleasure from watching.

 

Order it from Film Detective


Retail Price: $24.95
Release Date: 1-19-2021
Runtime: 77 minutes
Genre: CULT CLASSIC, DRAMA, HORROR
Language: English
Color/BW: BW

Also available in DVD and red-label Blu-ray

 

BONUS MATERIALS:

Audio Commentary with Author/Historian Tom Weaver and Guests; 

Audio Commentary with co-star Gary Crutcher; 

'YOU'RE A B-MOVIE STAR, CHARLIE BROWN' - An all-new interview actor/screenwriter Gary Crutcher; 

'THE MAN WITH A BADGE: BOB STEELE IN THE 1950'S' - An all-new interview with author/film historian C. Courtney Joyner; 

Collector’s booklet with still gallery and liner notes by Tom Weaver; 

Original Theatrical Trailer

GIANT FROM THE UNKNOWN -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Solo Moe: Moe Howard's Non-3 Stooges Acting Roles #2 ("Doctor Death, Seeker of Souls", 1973) (video)

 

The Three Stooges were over as a comedy act when Larry Fine had his crippling stroke. 

But Moe Howard's acting career wasn't quite over yet! 

Here he is, along with his beloved wife Helen, in a scene from 1973's "Doctor Death, Seeker of Souls."

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Solo Moe: Moe Howard's Non-3 Stooges Acting Roles #2 ("Doctor Death, Seeker of Souls", 1973) (video)

"Imaginary Hookah": Original Song Set To George Melies' 1904 Silent "Journey Through The Impossible" (video)

 

I wrote these lyrics many years ago and recently had them set to AI music at Suno.com. just for fun. The film clips I used came from an amazing 1904 ‪George Méliès silent called "Journey Through The Impossible" (aka The Impossible Journey).

Song lyrics: IMAGINARY HOOKAH by Porfle Popnecker We gathered in the livingroom To tell our stories Sitting in a circle Like monks around a hookah Imaginary hookah Drew us all together Smoking like an altar Burning like a magic lantern Night descended on the house And gave us time to sort things out We made our way by the cathode ray Never really cared just what it had to say Imaginary hookah Drew us all together Smoking like an altar Burning like a magic lantern They told me that the house was haunted Didn't think that it was true But I swear that late one night I heard Footsteps in an empty room Imaginary hookah Drew us all together Smoking like an altar Burning like a magic lantern There never was one single particular Moment of decision But day by day we went our seperate ways The house still stands unto this day Like a strange museum of a bygone age Dinosaur castle, dodo cage Imaginary hookah Drew us all together Smoking like an altar Burning like a magic lantern

We reminisced about tomorrow Till the break of yesterday

Video and lyrics by Porfle Popnecker. AI music by Suno.com. Thanks for watching and listening!

"Imaginary Hookah": Original Song Set To George Melies' 1904 Silent "Journey Through The Impossible" (video)

THE LONGEST YARD -- Movie Review by Porfle

(This review originally appeared online at Bumscorner.com in 2007. Warning: may contain spoilers.)

I just fished a copy of THE LONGEST YARD (1974) out of the budget bin at Wal-Mart. Sometimes you actually do find buried treasure in those big piles of dreck. This time I was able to get one of the greatest sports movies ever made (some call it the best football movie of all time) for five-and-a-half bucks.

Thanks to the release of the Adam Sandler remake, which I haven't seen yet (so far, so good), we have the original now in a special "Lockdown Edition" complete with two featurettes and a commentary track featuring Burt Reynolds and producer Albert S. Ruddy (THE GODFATHER). The commentary is relaxed, enjoyable, and informative, and slows down only when the two participants get caught watching the movie and forget they're supposed to be talking about it.

Burt stars as Paul Crewe, a disgraced former NFL quarterback who has a nasty breakup with his sugar mama (Anitra Ford) and, after leading the cops on a high-speed chase in her stolen car and then resisting arrest, ends up in a Florida prison in the middle of a swamp.

The stiff-arsed Warden Hazen (Eddie Albert) turns out to be a football fanatic who has arranged to have Crewe sent to his prison to help shape up his semi-pro team that is composed of the prison's guards, in exchange for an easy sentence. But this makes the captain of the team and head guard Captain Knauer (Ed Lauter) jealous, and he warns Crewe to refuse the warden's offer or suffer heapin' helpings of physical abuse. Crewe turns the warden down, and gets beaten up anyway.

After some horrific experiences on swamp detail and a stretch in the "hot box", Crewe gives in to the warden's request. But Hazen has a new plan in mind--Crewe will get together a team comprised of prisoners which will play a "tune-up" game against the guards. This easy victory will bolster the guards' confidence and make them more ready to take on the task of winning the championship of their division.

Crewe initially sees no chance of making a dent against the guards' team with the ragtag group of misfits at his disposal, but as the guards continue to heap abuse and indignity on the prisoners at every turn, he eventually begins to entertain the notion of actually beating and humiliating them and the warden in front of a crowd of spectators. All he has to do is overcome the prisoners' intial dislike for him, and entice the more hesitant ones with the promise of being able to get physical with the guards.

Burt Reynolds in his prime was a really good actor who could be suitably intense while often allowing a dry, self-mocking sense of humor to to permeate his demeanor. Much of the script, written by Tracy Keenan Wynn from a story by Ruddy, was intended to be straight drama until Reynolds and his castmates started playing around with their characters and making things more interesting and fun. But the humor never detracts from the seriousness of the situations, and the result is a story that can be enjoyed on both levels at the same time.

Crewe's best pal and manager of the prisoners' team, The Mean Machine, is the resident scrounger, Caretaker (James Hampton), who can get anything for anybody in the joint, including getting them laid. Hampton is one of the finest character actors in the business--his most recent high-profile role was as Dr. Jerry Woolridge in SLING BLADE--and deserves a lot more recognition than he's gotten over the years. Trouble is, as opposed to guys like Marlon Brando or Sean Penn who make great acting seem like a hernia-inducing ordeal, Hampton makes it look easy. Which is why he's so good.

The rest of the cast is pretty awesome as well. Eddie Albert was utterly convincing whether playing a sleazy suit-and-tie sadist like Warden Hazen or the lovable Oliver Wendell Douglas of "Green Acres." Ed Lauter as Captain Knauer is another fine character actor whose consistently good performances add to whatever he appears in. "Dick" Kiel, yet to make a big splash as "Jaws" in the James Bond series, is funny as one of the prisoners. Other fine supporting players include Charles Tyner, Sonny Shroyer ("Enos" of TV's "Dukes of Hazzard"), Harry Caesar, Michael Conrad ("Hill Street Blues"), Mike Henry, and an incredibly bee-hived Bernadette Peters ("You ever find any spiders in there?" Crewe asks her) as the warden's sex-starved secretary.

Several former pro football players such as Ernie Wheelwright and Ray Nitschke are on hand as well for added authenticity. This really pays off during the big game, which takes up almost 45 minutes of screen time. The plays are real--director Robert Aldrich (THE DIRTY DOZEN, FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX) simply filmed these guys playing grungy, hard-ass football and picked the footage that fit the script. No namby-pamby pretend tackling or "acting" here. One of the joys of THE LONGEST YARD for the sports fan is that, for the most part, this is real football played by real football players. The staged stuff which occurs here and there only adds to the excitement and hilarity of the situations, especially when Crewe comes up with a way of eliminating the scariest member of the competition, Bodanski (both onscreen and off--Ray Nitschke wasn't screwing around) with a forward pass to the groin, not once but twice. Various clotheslines ("I think I broke his f***ing neck!" Kiel's character rejoices), pile-ups, sucker punches, and other highly-unsportsmanlike activity also add to the fun.

The suspense is heightened when Warden Hazen, aghast at the sight of his guards losing to the convicts, makes Crewe a halftime offer he can't refuse--throw the game, or do hard time in prison for roughly twenty extra years. Crewe, always the type to look out for number one, must decide whether to give in or sacrifice himself for the sake of his teammates, whom he has given the chance to earn some dignity and self-respect for a change. And head guard Knauer, after seeing the warden for the slimeball that he is and gaining a grudging respect for Crewe, will soon be forced to make a decision of his own, which may include blowing Crewe's brains out.

If you love good movies, football, Burt Reynolds, big ugly sweaty guys rolling around in the mud, or all of the above, then THE LONGEST YARD is a film that should definitely be on your must-see list. Like I said, I haven't seen the Adam Sandler remake so I don't know how they compare, but I'm willing to bet that one of them will be remembered as one of the greatest football films ever made when the other is little more than a dim memory. I'll let you decide which is which.

THE LONGEST YARD -- Movie Review by Porfle