CHINA BEACH: THE COMPLETE SERIES -- DVD Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 11/9/2019

 

I was never a fan of "China Beach", but after taking a long look at Time-Life's CHINA BEACH: THE COMPLETE SERIES (1988-1991), I can only conclude that those who are fans will have a field day with this lavish 19-disc collection of 62 episodes, including the original pilot movie and over five hours of bonus features.

The show's premise, of course, is the odyssey of U.S. Army Nurse Colleen McMurphy (Dana Delany, TOMBSTONE) serving a frantic tour of duty at a combination evac hospital and R&R facility set on a picturesque beach near Da Nang in Viet Nam.

Thus we observe the daily dramas of all the nurses, doctors, soldiers, Red Cross volunteers, and various civilian personnel, most of which are based on the real-life experiences of actual people.  (Not the least of these being former nurse Lynda Van Devanter, whose book "Home Before Morning" was the inspiration for the McMurphy character and her story.)

The show's setting is richly authentic, managing to give those of us with no such experience whatsoever an idea of what life was like there. McMurphy's days and nights are filled with the blood, horror, and tragedy of war, yet she must try to keep herself grounded by maintaining some semblance of normality in her personal life and dealings with friends and coworkers.

We also meet a widely-diverse cast of characters including Dr. Dick Richards (Robert Picardo, "Star Trek: Voyager"), whose playboy lifestyle helps him deal with a deteriorating marriage; SP4 Samuel Beckett (Michael Boatman), who processes dead bodies and thus has a unique perspective on mortality; and Red Cross volunteer Cherry White (Nan Woods), a painfully naive young woman searching for her MIA brother, Rick.

Local prostitute K.C (a stunning Marg Helgenberger, "CSI") is basically there to leech off the servicemen but eventually forms a meaningful relationship with Corporal "Boonie" Boonwell (Brian Wimmer), China Beach's lifeguard and recreation manager.  We also get to know enigmatic recon operative Sgt. Evan "Dodger" Winslow (Jeff Kober, THE BABY DOLL MURDERS), trying to hold onto his humanity after having served in the jungle for too long.

Like "M*A*S*H" before it, everyday moments of happiness or strife are often interrupted by either a sudden influx of wounded G.I.s or harrowing enemy attacks, the worst being an intense episode which occurs during the TET offensive. 

For me, these segments represent "China Beach" at its most compelling. I find it least interesting when it lapses into soap opera, concentrates too much on characters such as USO singer Laurette Barber (Chloe Webb), whom I found obnoxious, or borders on the morally ambiguous, as when McMurphy allows a Viet Cong patient who blew up several G.I.s in a bar to go free and perhaps kill again simply because she feels sorry for her.

The show also tends, in my opinion, to come off as rather sanctimonious, as though basking in its own nobility for being so lavishly well-intentioned. Other viewers, I happily concede, may not get this impression at all.

Indeed, being quite aware of the immense and generally well-deserved popularity of the show, I can heartily recommend CHINA BEACH: THE COMPLETE SERIES to those devoted fans who will fully appreciate having all 62 episodes (not to mention the wealth of featurettes, commentaries, interviews, and bonus booklets) in their DVD collection.

CHINA BEACH: THE COMPLETE SERIES -- DVD Review by Porfle

ESCAPE FROM WOMEN'S PRISON -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 4/28/19

 

It looks like ESCAPE FROM WOMEN'S PRISON (Severin Films, 1978) is going to be one of those women's prison movies (natch) that ends with a big escape. Not so, Blu-ray breath.  This Italian sexploitation thriller is about what happens after some desperate women escape from women's prison, take over a bus full of female tennis players going to a big tournament, and hole up in the secluded, hotel-like villa of a judge until the heat's off. 

The leader of the bad girls, Monica (Lilli Carati, THE ALCOVE), is a political terrorist who's always at odds with Diana (Marina D'Aunia), a real tough cookie who thinks she should be in charge. 

The rest of the gang consists of big Betty (Artemia Terenziani) and flaky Erica (Ada Pometti), as well as Monica's brother who was shot helping them escape. 

The good girls include Anna (Zora Kerova), who will be forced to take charge of her peers and eventually confront the escapees, and Terry (Ines Pellegrini, WAR OF THE ROBOTS, EYEBALL), the spineless one who'll do anything to cooperate with their captors. 

Marco (Franco Ferrer) the bus driver, a handsome hunk, gets the romantic treatment from man-hungry Erica and even their wimpy tennis coach is in for some carnal attention from Betty. 

As for the judge (Filippo De Gara, LION OF THE DESERT), he's none too popular with the prison women and is the target for much of their scorn and abuse, until finally he's driven over the edge.

It's your basic "The Desperate Hours"-type situation with the hostages scheming to either escape or overpower their captors before they outlive their usefulness and the fugitives grating on each other and vying for power.  Monica and Diana in particular keep things on a hair trigger as the powderkeg gets ever closer to exploding. 

Meanwhile, the film lives up to its sexploitation status with a number of couplings that include at least three kinds of rape (female on male, male on female, and female on female), with Erica in particular making sure she gets the most out of her tied-up beau Marco.  Good girl Claudine (Dirce Funari) is targeted by Diana in yet another softcore sex sequence.

I love the ways in which these hardbitten dames push their weight around and cuss up a storm at each other with language that could make flowers wilt.  Even in the slower passages their hostile, unpredictable natures keep things hopping.

Actor and screenwriter Giovanni Brusadori chalks up his sole directorial effort here and does so in capable form.  The film benefits from some exceedingly good found locations, from that spacious villa to a nearby Italian town that's very picturesque. The script is co-written by actor George Eastman of such Joe D'Amato films as ABSURD, EMMANUELLE AND FRANCOISE, and ANTROPOPHAGUS.

The Blu-ray from Severin Films is 1080p full HD resolution with English-dubbed mono soundtrack and English captions. The element used for the scan is "a dupe negative and the best known element of the U.S. release version."  The bonus menu includes the original Italian cut "Le Evase" with Italian soundtrack and English captions, as well as "Freedom, Sex & Violence: Interview with Director Giovanni Brusadori" and the trailer.

Picture quality is, I assume, as good as possible though hardly perfect--but, as my regular readers know, I like a print that looks like it's been around the block a few times, especially when it's a lurid exploitation flick like this. 

Things heat up to a savory boil when the cops finally surround the place and the tense stand-off devolves into an exchange of gunfire as the bad girls work out their differences with both the law and each other in deadly terms.  I like the way all the various subplots resolve themselves here in violent, satisfying ways, right up to the final rat-a-tat freeze-frame before the credits roll. 


Buy it at Severin Films

Special Features:
    Le Evase: Italian cut
    Freedom, Sex & Violence: Interview with Director Giovanni Brusadori
    Trailer

Street date: April 30, 2019

ESCAPE FROM WOMEN'S PRISON -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

HELL RIDE -- Movie Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 9/27/13

 

Is the phrase "Quentin Tarantino Presents" before a film's title a reliable sign of quality?  After watching HELL RIDE (2008), my answer to that question would be, in a word, no.  And in two words, hell no.  If this is any indication, then Tarantino might as well start calling people into the bathroom after he takes a dump so that he can proudly "present" the results to them.

What little storyline there is often gets lost in the seemingly random editing, or is put on hold every time some mangy old biker dudes get their hands on the non-stop parade of salacious silicone babes who seem to infest this flick like tribbles.  What it all boils down to is that way back in 1976, some rival bad-guy bikers called the Six Six Sixers murdered good-guy biker Pistolero's girlfriend, and now, thirty some-odd years later, Pistolero (writer-director Larry Bishop), with the help of fellow gang members the Victors, decides to get revenge. 

I've read that Bishop used to be a biker himself and has firsthand experience with the lifestyle, which seems to add zero validity to this particular project.  Basically what you've got here is a bunch of middle-aged actors who have been roped into a turkey and they know it, so they're just goofing their way through it.  Michael Madsen, who has been known to sleepwalk through films he doesn't take seriously, invests about as much effort in the role of Pistolero's devil-may-care cohort "The Gent" (he wears a tuxedo jacket instead of a leather jacket for some damn reason) as he would if his neighbor pointed a home video camera at him. 

David Carradine, as rival gang leader "The Deuce", is there simply to lend whatever coolness factor he can to his few scenes, while Dennis Hopper comes off as nothing more than a silly old fart.  Even Vinnie Jones as evil, oral-sex-obsessed rival biker "Billy Wings" seems embarrassed here, which may be the film's most noteworthy accomplishment. 

As for young Eric Balfour as the mysterious newcomer Cheyenne, he seems to take the whole thing about as seriously as Bishop, meaning that he's just as arch and stiff a presence.  Nobody,  however, can match Larry Bishop's hernia-inducing attempts to be a badass--at times, he treats the simple act of standing in one spot with such sinew-stretching intensity that we fear he may implode.

The movie is filled with flashbacks, flash forwards, changes in style, changes in film stock, switches from color to black-and-white and back, zoom-ins, zoom-outs, focus fiddling, and most other types of cinematic frou-frou you can think of, but there's no rhyme or reason to any of it.  Bishop's clearly trying to be arty in several sequences, but his visuals look sloppy instead.  And when his character goes out into the desert and takes peyote in one scene, this gives the director an excuse to indulge in the usual meandering drug-trip nonsense with its skin-deep philosophizing.

There are homages to Tarantino's homages, such as a mysterious box whose contents we never get to see, and a POV shot looking up from inside the box that's a miniature version of the way Tarantino shoots people opening car trunks.  There's the jukebox soundtrack, featuring several truly ear-curdling songs.  And of course, there's the dialogue.  HELL RIDE contains stretches of dialogue that might make you wish Jules Winnfield and Vincent Vega had never discussed foot massages or mentioned the words "Royale with cheese." 

At one point Pistolero and his aptly-named girlfriend Nada (sexy Leonor Varela) get into a pun war that includes every possible variation of the word "fire"--she's got a fire that needs putting out, he's got the firehose, she's a fire alarm, he's a fire-eater, etc.  It's a wonder they didn't manage to work "fire ants" into it somewhere.  Later, Bishop starts doing the same thing with the word "business", and you start wishing you could just grab a gun and shoot at the screen like Elvis used to do.

The impression I get from this movie's publicity is that if you liked GRINDHOUSE, you should love HELL RIDE.  But as far as I'm concerned, whatever you may have liked about one is sadly lacking in the other.  Getting the "right" actors together and having them be super tough and spout loopy dialogue at each other doesn't make a good movie if there isn't a decent story and a solid directorial vision.  HELL RIDE's problem is that it thinks it's a cool-as-hell movie to begin with, but doesn't have what it takes to actually be one.

HELL RIDE -- Movie Review by Porfle

CARJACKED -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/10/11

 

Having just watched CARJACKED (2011), I must admit feeling a little confused.  I can't decide if the filmmakers were actually trying to make a serious thriller, or if they were aware that they were making one of the dumbest movies I've seen in quite a while.  Either way, it isn't much fun until it decides to go full-out goofy in the second half.

The story opens with divorced mom Lorraine (Maria Bello, THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR, PAYBACK) attending a touchy-feely women's group therapy session.  Dumped by her husband Gary and facing a losing custody battle over their son Chad, Lorraine is too much of a simpy doormat to fight back or get angry about it as her brassy session mate Betty (Joanna Cassidy in an ultra-brief role) urges her to do.  When she relates how she earned the nickname "Klutzy" by accidentally shooting her dad's friend in the ass at the gun range, her counselor asks, "How did that make you feel?"  Yikes.

Already an emotional wreck, all she needs is for her and Chad to be carjacked by an escaped bank robber named Roy (Steven Dorff, BLADE, PUBLIC ENEMIES) on their way home, which of course is what happens.  Forced to drive Roy to a rendezvous 350 miles away, Lorraine somehow makes a connection with the chatty criminal and shares her feelings with him instead of being totally terrified like a normal person would.  Thus, we're not really all that scared for her and apart from a couple of halfhearted escape attempts, little suspense is generated by her ordeal.  At one point she even seems to consider running off to Mexico with Roy and his money.



Maria Bello, whom I've always considered a pretty good actress, is pretty awful as Lorraine.  Never convincing as a kidnap victim, she plays the role with a series of weird expressions and nervous tics, occasionally getting a comically peeved look when Roy says something threatening or offensive.  We expect Lorraine to eventually turn the tables on Roy, which will be just the thing to boost her confidence and assertiveness, but she's remarkably stupid--during an attempt to call 911 on her cellphone while in the bathroom, she gets 411 instead and can't understand why the operator keeps asking, "What city, please?" 

At first, Dorff plays Roy as the most patient and non-threatening carjacker in movie history, reducing his character's menace during the film's first half and even coming off as sympathetic while talking with Lorraine--for awhile there, it seemed this was going to turn into a road trip movie.  It's only later that we find he enjoys lulling his victims into a false sense of security before doing something horrible to them, as Lorraine discovers when they finally reach the rendezvous. 

At that point, it looked as though CARJACKED was finally going to turn into a tense thriller, but instead it seems to morph into a black comedy designed to have us thinking "WTF?"  In addition to some comical rednecks at a truckstop (the kind played by actors who have never actually seen a real one), we get a car chase that looks like something out of a Hal Needham movie followed by some highly improbable hijinks in a deserted warehouse.  With believability well and truly thrown out the window, all that remains is for the film to end with a wrap-up scene that seems to have been written under the influence of laughing gas.



John Bonito's direction is okay if somewhat self-indulgent at times, although that thing where the camera does those little zoopy zoom-ins on a character's face while they're driving doesn't even look good when Michael Bay and Paul W.S. Anderson do it.  Acting-wise, Dorff is okay while Cassidy isn't in the film long enough to make an impression.  Bello is hard to figure out--she seems aware that the film is going to turn into a semi-comedy in the second half, but since we don't know that, her performance seems curiously flaky throughout.  I kept thinking, "I hope she's in better form taking over Helen Mirren's role in PRIME SUSPECT."

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen with English 5.1 and Spanish mono sound.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  The sole extra is a very brief behind-the-scenes short.

After a so-so start, the last twenty minutes or so of CARJACKED are so unexpectedly nutty that I actually began to enjoy it on that level.  But I still can't figure out if the filmmakers were trying to make a serious thriller and failed, or if they were just messing with my head the whole time.

CARJACKED -- DVD Review by Porfle

13 -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/28/11

 

In THE DEER HUNTER, a game of Russian Roulette proved so overwhelmingly intense that, as I sat watching it in the theater, I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to get through it.  Géla Babluani's 13 (2010) gives us an entire movie based on the game but manages only to be moderately entertaining without coming anywhere near that level of tension.

Sam Riley is Vince, an average young guy whose family--mom, dad, and two sisters--has hit rock bottom financially after the father is badly injured.  Stumbling across an illicit Russian Roulette tournament involving some very high-stakes betting, Vince manages to take the place of one of the entrants in hopes of surviving to solve his family' money problems.  Needless to say, this descent down the rabbit hole will be a nightmare with the spectre of sudden, violent death hovering over him every minute.

Riley gives a restrained but effective performance and makes his character easy to root for.  Vince is believably freaked out during the first round while quickly getting more hardened to the game out of necessity.  When he makes it to the final round, which we know he will since the opening flash-forward gives it away, he's still reluctant but his initial hesitance has been overcome by sheer desperation.



Technically, 13 is as good as it needs to be but no more, relying on the inherent fascination we derive from seeing a group of men standing in a circle, each with his gun pointed at the head of the man in front of him and then firing on command, with some surviving and others thudding clumsily to the floor.  With each round the stakes rise along with the number of bullets in each gun.

Even so, we never really get that caught up in the game itself, and it's the sketchily-drawn characters who provide the most interest.  As Jasper, Jason Statham is likable as usual even playing a rat who plucks his brother Ronald Lynn (Ray Winstone) out of a mental hospital to compete in the game.  Winstone is an imposing figure, even more so when Ronnie's meds start wearing off and he becomes increasingly hostile both to Vince and to Jasper for using him. 

Mickey Rourke is interesting to watch even when he's coasting through a role as he does here, playing a convict named Jefferson who's been whisked out of a Mexican prison and into the competition against his will.  Rapper 50 Cent plays Jefferson's handler, Jimmy.  Belgian actor Ronald Guttman, whom I recognized as one of the Russian defectors in THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER, is Vince's sponsor in the game, and David Zayas of "Dexter" is a police detective trying to put an end to it. 

Film and TV veteran Ben Gazzara is a welcome presence as Schlondorff, sponsor to his own nerve-frazzled entrant.  In the small role of Vince's handler, Jack, Swedish actor Alexander Skarsgård manages to convey an unspoken sympathy for Vince that makes his character more tolerable.  Michael Shannon (airplane mechanic "Gooz" in PEARL HARBOR) plays the role of coldblooded game ringmaster Henry with particular relish, harshly barking out commands such as "Spin the cylinder!" and "Cock the hammer!"  Gaby Hoffman, who was little "Maisy" in UNCLE BUCK, is all grown up now and plays Vince's sister Clara in a brief role.



Ray Winstone's menacing character becomes the focal point in the game's final stages and gives 13 its most gripping scenes.  After the game, however, the film wanders down a pretty predictable path and finally comes to a stop after failing to find anything interesting to do with itself save for a mild attempt at some kind of irony.  Director Babluani and his co-scripter Gregory Pruss really needed to throw a few more ideas around before settling for this acutely unremarkable ending.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 2.40:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  There are no extras.

In other hands, 13 might've been a really riveting nailbiter.  As it is, it's a nifty little suspense yarn that doesn't quite make you feel like you've gotten your money's worth when it's over.

13 -- DVD Review by Porfle

ROADKILL -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/4/11

 

One of the most fun movies named "Roadkill" that I've seen since they started making movies named "Roadkill", ROADKILL (2011) is the rare example of a SyFy Channel movie with a CGI monster that doesn't totally suck.  It's as though my TV suddenly had a "fun" knob that I was able to turn up after the opening scenes heralded imminent boredom.

With some of the most excruciatingly obvious expository dialogue imaginable, we learn that Kate (Kacey Barnfield) has moved to Ireland to work and her American friends have joined her there for one last reunion vacation.  This includes old flame Ryan (Oliver James), best friend Anita (Roisin Murphy), med-school brother Joel (Colin Maher), clownish nerd Chuck (Diarmuid Noyes), not-so-best-friend Hailey (Eliza Bennett), and token black guy Tommy (Kobna Holdbrook-Smith), who, no kidding, says "Yo, yo, I'm down wit dat" in his first scene.

Of course, we want all of these people to die horribly as soon as they open their mouths, which looks like a pretty good prospect when their motor home pulls up in front of an isolated store that looks like something out of "The Irish Chain Saw Massacre."  Anita wants to purchase a necklace worn by an inbred yokel named Luca (a very effective Ned Dennehy), and after a dispute the kids make off with it, running over an old gypsy woman in the process.  Before she dies, she puts a curse on them--one by one, they will all be snatched away by a giant mythical bird, which, needless to say, threatens to put a damper on their vacation.



After a stupid beginning, this Irish backwoods stuff actually starts creating some ominous atmosphere, especially when the fleeing youngsters get hopelessly lost in a creeping fog and start hearing scraping sounds on the roof of their van.  Not only that, but the stock characters start acting kind of like real people and we begin to slightly care about them.  It isn't long before we see the massive Roc dive-bombing at them with its giant claws outstretched, and surprisingly, the CGI is pretty good.  Then we get our first shockingly gory death scene, and it's a humdinger.

Now I'm enjoying ROADKILL instead of dreading it.  The kids run into all sorts of trouble including a flat tire that somebody's gonna have to go out there and fix, the usual lack of cell phone functionality (didn't see that coming, did ya?), and the serial reappearance of an increasingly hostile Luca along with his yokel brethren.  It turns out that Luca needs that necklace as a talisman to ward off the Roc, whom he also appeases by staking out hapless passersby as sacrificial bird food.  Drina (Eve Macklin), Luca's really hot sister or cousin or whatever (I don't think it really matters), also gets into the act with a sawed-off shotgun, heightening my interest level to an unhealthy degree.



The rest of the film manages to keep the tension pretty taut with several scenes of suspense and a few character moments that are unexpectedly resonant.  Performances seem to improve as the situation gets more frantic, and the fact that nobody's safe from the rampaging Roc keeps us on edge.  Stephen Rea (THE CRYING GAME) even shows up at one point as a local cop who isn't quite as helpful as he should be.  The ending, far-fetched as it is, puts a satisfying capper on the whole thing.

The DVD from Vivendi Entertainment is in widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound.  There are no extras or subtitles.

Don't get me wrong--ROADKILL isn't some kind of wonderful flick and I'm not guaranteeing that you'll love it.  It's just that when my expectations are so low, being surprisingly entertained by a movie like this tends to make me regard it rather fondly.  And as far as these SyFy Channel monster-of-the-week potboilers go, it Rocs. 

ROADKILL -- DVD Review by Porfle

12 DISASTERS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 1/7/14

 

If one disaster makes for an exciting movie, then twelve of them would be twelve times more exciting, right?  Well...we're talking about the SyFy Channel here, and 12 DISASTERS (2012) is just the same old story they've been rehashing for years only with some slightly different but equally rinky-dink CGI.

Ed Quinn (BEHEMOTH) heads a cast dotted with several SyFy vets as rugged family man Joseph, whose 18-year-old daughter Jacey (Magda Apanowicz, SNOWMAGEDDON) turns out to be the "chosen one" in a long line of mystical women going all the way back to the Mayans.  She's the one who will have to stop the ancient Mayan prediction of the end of the world on 12/21/2012, as foretold in--brace yourselves--the Christmas carol "The 12 Days of Christmas." (The film's original title, as you might guess, was "The 12 Disasters of Christmas.")

You're probably singing that to yourself right now but it won't really help until you get to the part about the "five gold rings", which Jacey and her dad must locate and which are buried (for some damn reason I couldn't figure out) in secret locations all around their remote, rustic town (the usual Canadian location subbing for the U.S. Northwest).  Only with all five rings can Jacey ward off the impending twelve disasters which will destroy the earth.

We never really understand what the rest of the world has to fear since the disasters only affect their own small town, and most of them don't even qualify as "disasters."  There's a bad-CGI tornado, a mild earthquake, and some pretty cool giant ice shards that rain down out of the sky and skewer a few citizens (including Joseph's mom).

At one point, a crack in the earth releases some red gas that disintegrates a few bad guys who are under the impression that they can save themselves by sacrificing Jacey by fire (including the typical evil industrialist played by Roark Critchlow of EARTH'S FINAL HOURS). 

Another fissure in the earth's crust releases a sort of heat force-field that fries anything that tries to pass through it,  including some really poorly-rendered rescue helicopters.   The most interesting "disaster", for me anyway, is a rapidly-spreading cold wave that flash-freezes everything in its path, but we only get to see a few selected townspeople get turned into ice statues.  This is mainly due to the fact that these scenes don't feature a whole lot of extras.

Probably the dumbest-looking of the various deadly perils is a string of out-of-control Christmas lights that wrap themselves around a hapless victims and zap him to death in what might be Clark Griswold's worst nightmare.

The final and supposedly deadliest disaster occurs, as it so often does in these flicks, up in the mountains, where some meager volcanic effects billow and spew as Jacey and her dad scramble to locate the last ring.

Their quest to do so gets decidedly tiresome in the film's second half, as Critchlow's character menaces them while his cowardly cohort Jude (Andrew Airlie, APOLLO 18, "Defying Gravity") holds Joseph's wife Mary (Holly Elissa, ICE QUAKE) and son Peter (Ryan Grantham,  ICE QUAKE) hostage. (But at least you can pass the time picking out all of the script's obvious Biblical references.)

Director Steven R. Monroe of 2010's I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and its sequel (as well as 2006's LEFT IN DARKNESS) turns in a passable but rushed job of bringing the screenplay by writer Rudy Thauberger (SNOWMAGEDDON) to a semblance of life.  Performances range from okay to not-so-great, with Magda Apanowicz as Jacey managing to work up the most convincing displays of emotion.

As Grant, an old codger who tries in vain to warn everyone of the impending doom, is veteran actor Donnelly Rhodes, whose mile-long list of credits includes playing the gambler who accuses Robert Redford of cheating in the opening minutes of BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  No extras.

If you catch 12 DISASTERS in the right mood, you'll probably get some "bad-movie" enjoyment out of it.  At any rate, most of us pretty much know just what to expect from these SyFy Channel "end-of-the-world" flicks and whether or not we want to waste precious moments of our lives watching them.

12 DISASTERS -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE (30th ANNIVERSARY EDITION) -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted in 2016

 

I watched an awful lot of afternoon TV back in the 80s, but I somehow missed out on "Transformers."  (Although I did buy my nephew one of the toys for Christmas once.) 

This half-hour cartoon series--some would call it an extended toy commercial--about the never-ending war for planet Earth between two opposing factions of intelligent shape-shifting robots named the Autobots and the Decepticons, who can all turn into various high-powered vehicles or cyber-creatures, ran from 1984-87 and garnered a fervent cult following for which it rated a feature-film treatment in 1986. 

Thus, THE TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE (30th ANNIVERSARY EDITION) (Shout! Factory and Hasbro Studios, 2-disc Blu-ray) is a great way not only to catch up on what all the nostalgia's about but also to see it at what I assume to be its very best.

Even for a "Transformers" novice like myself, the 80s nostalgia that this rollicking animated space adventure radiates is intoxicating.  It's old-school anime-style cel animation without the CGI gimmicks.  Even if it sometimes betrays its TV origins, it looks fantastic.  And it has a voice cast that's to short-circuit for. 

The film opens with a pretty spectacular sequence in which a renegade planet-sized robot named Unicron (voiced by Orson Welles in his final film appearance) attacks a peaceful world populated by robots and ingests it for fuel.  The artistic depiction of this massive global devastation is stunning, the first of several more upcoming scenes that will dazzle the viewer.

After a "Superman: The Movie"-style main titles sequence featuring the show's familiar theme song, we then settle into the story proper as our mechanical heroes, the Autobots, thunder into action to stave off an attack from the evil Decepticons in the far-off year of 2005.

No sooner is this action-packed battle over than Unicron shows up and transforms some of the surviving Decepticons into his own personal army with which to defeat the Autobots and steal from them an all-powerful device known as the Matrix of Leadership.  Leonard Nimoy himself provides the voice for Unicron's duplicitous number-one, Galvatron (formerly Megatron), who covets the Matrix for himself.

An interesting side note: the deaths and transformations of several regular characters during this sequence are a result of the scripters' instructions to retire the old line of toys and replace them with new ones for young viewers to covet.  This proved to be more traumatic for fans than anyone expected, especially the intensely dramatic death of the Autobots' leader, Optimus Prime, who passed the Matrix on to new leader Ultra Magnus (voiced by Robert Stack.) 

The rest of the film is a robot vs. robot free-for-all with several cool detours along the way, including a visit to a junk planet with "Monty Python" alum Eric Idle voicing a comedic bot named "Wreck-Gar" who listens to too much Earth television, and an encounter with a race of grotesque mecha-beings whose main form of entertainment is to conduct kangaroo courts in which to sentence strangers such as Hot Rod (Judd Nelson) and Kup (Lionel Stander) to "death-by-sharkticon."

Dealing with these foes leads to the ultimate battle with Unicron (who turns out to be one huge transformer himself) and his dark forces which provides the film with its thrilling finale. By this time, I was finally starting to sort out all the many characters including good guys Hot Rod, Kup (he turns into a pickup--get it?), female robot Arcee, human Spike and his plucky son Daniel--both of whom also get to be transformers by wearing exo-suits--Bumblebee, Blurr, and the diminutive Wheelie.

Much comedy relief is provided by the Dinobots, who lack all social graces, talk in Bizarro-Speak ("Me, Grimlock, want to munch metal!"), and live for the times in which old soldier Kup regales them all with oft-told war stories ("Tell Grimlock about petro-rabbits again!") The Decepticons are also good for a few laughs when their inter-family squabbles escalate into all-out fights for dominance among the different robot clans. 

Character design is good and the backgrounds are often beautiful.  The musical score is okay when we aren't assaulted by bad 80s arena rock (I did enjoy hearing "Weird Al" Yankovic's "Dare to Be Stupid" at one point).

Dialogue ranges from likably dumb ("Your days are numbered now, Decepti-creeps!") to quite good, as in the numerous exchanges between Welles and Nimoy.  Celebrity voice talent also includes Scatman Crothers ("Jazz"), Casey Kasem ("Cliffjumper"), Clive Revill ("Kickback"), Norm Alden ("Kranix"), and Roger C. Carmel ("Cyclonus"). Legendary voice performer Frank Welker takes on no less than six different roles.

The 2-disc Blu-ray set from Shout! Factory and Hasbro Studios gives us both the 1.85:1 widescreen version (disc 1) and the full screen version (disc 2) with English stereo and 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  Remastered from a brand-new 4k transfer of original film elements.  (A steelbook edition and a single-disc DVD edition with only the widescreen version plus digital copy are also available.)

Special features include a lengthy and highly-informative behind-the-scenes featurette entitled "'Til All Are One" (the segment on voice talent is especially fun), several other short featurettes, animated storyboards, trailers and TV spots, and an audio commentary with director Nelson Shin, story consultant Flint Dill, and star Susan Blu ("Arcee").  The cover illustration is reversible.  Also contains the code for downloading a digital copy.

THE TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE (30th ANNIVERSARY EDITION) is good old bombastic meat-and-potatoes space opera for kids and adults alike, with a welcome anime flavor.  It should rocket original fans of the show right back to their childhoods (or teenhoods, as the case may be) while gaining new ones such as myself who just love a good mind-expanding sci-fi adventure.  

Street date: Sept. 13, 2016

www.shoutfactory.com
www.hasbro.com

Images shown are not taken from the Blu-ray disc.

THE TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE (30th ANNIVERSARY EDITION) -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

DIAMOND HEIST -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 3/17/15

 

Imagine sitting down to watch a movie with Michael Madsen and Vinnie Jones called DIAMOND HEIST (2012)--thinking, quite understandably, that it's going to be about a diamond heist--and then finding out that it's a dreary, unfunny crime comedy about two Hungarian schlubs mistaken for a pair of popular male strippers known as "The Magic Boys." (Which, incidentally, was the film's original title.)

Even if you think that sounds like comedy gold, chances are you're going to find this mess disappointing. It's one of those bad direct-to-DVD flicks that guys like Michael Madsen and Vinnie Jones lend their names and faces to for an easy paycheck and then mug their way through like it was a home video. (Which I think would be a cool way to make a living and would totally do myself if I could.)

The story opens with Madsen--in the role of Terence, an eccentric strip-club tycoon and diamond smuggler--smashing a yogurt buffet in the restaurant of the posh London hotel where he lives because he's lactose intolerant and his special goat's milk yogurt is nowhere to be seen. I wasn't sure if this was in the script, or if they'd just secretly filmed him at the craft services table between shots.

There's a lot of crosscutting while the film throws a passel of new characters at us along with some really annoying music and visuals. The best I could decipher it, two male strippers ("The Magic Boys") disappear from one of Michael Madsen's clubs and he sends his mousey assistant "Bad News" to Hungary to find two more. As fate would have it, the two Hungarian schlubs, David and Zoli, are on the run after witnessing Vinnie knocking off a guy, and they end up posing as the missing Magic Boys for free passage to London.

David and Zoli are like a cross between "Dumb and Dumber" and the two "Wild and Crazy Guys" from SNL, when they hit town and are situated in their luxury suite. Bad comedy ensues when they take the stage at Madsen's club and reveal their incompetence while big Mike makes faces and groans.

He later gets the two on their knees at gunpoint in his office and does the whole "I'm the last guy you want to f*** with!" routine, which is always great for a few laughs. Then, inexplicably, he decides that the act will be improved if he forces his right-hand man Splendid Ben (an understandably embarrassed-looking Tamer Hassan, KICK-ASS, FREERUNNER, THE DOUBLE) to join it. You can almost hear "Seinfeld"s Kenny Banya bleating "It's gold, Jerry! Gold!" when the three next appear onstage in full drag. It's as though my sense of humor has been injected with novocaine.

(Meanwhile, elsewhere in London, the REAL Magic Boys also end up on the wrong stage and find themselves getting raped by a hairy, leather-bound gay behemoth. It's fun for the whole family!)

The movie tries to get cute and charming here and there, with one of the Hungarian guys getting cutely chummy with the cute black lady (singer Jamelia as "Cherry Valentine") who works for Mikey as a diamond smuggler but is really not what she seems and zzzzzzzz. As an example of the film's cliched dialogue, the following exchange takes place when he asks about her past:

"That's a bit of a long story."
"I have time."

We find that Cherry's past is actually key to the whole thing, and the lovestruck Hungarian guy decides he must help her in her mission against Mike and/or Vinnie, which is complicated when Vinnie suddenly shows up in London. Things finally perk up when Cherry makes her move during a lavish birthday bash Mike holds for himself, but the whole male stripper angle continues to dumb thing up when the real and fake Magic Boys clash-dance onstage during a lame imitation of the opera scene from THE FIFTH ELEMENT.

The DVD from Random Media is in letterboxed widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound. No subtitles, but closed-captions are available. No extras.

However lacking it is in other areas, the most disappointing thing about DIAMOND HEIST is that there's no diamond heist. That's like calling a movie GONE WITH THE WIND and not having anything actually blow away. Or changing the name of GONE WITH THE WIND to DIAMOND HEIST.

DIAMOND HEIST -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE KILLING JAR -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 2/19/11

 

Stay away from out-of-the-way diners after dark, THE KILLING JAR (2010) seems to be telling us, since you never know what kind of desperate character may come walking in.  And if he looks like Michael Madsen, you know you should've skipped the pecan pie and skedaddled five minutes ago.

This tense thriller by writer-director Mark Young (SOUTHERN GOTHIC) is one of those single-location movies that could easily be performed as a stage play, which means that the focus is on character and dialogue.  Neither are very deep here, but they get the job done pretty well, mainly due to a capable cast. 

Amber Benson (BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER) plays weary waitress Noreen, who dreams of getting out of Silver Lake (where the tourists don't go anymore since the lake dried up) but works in a dingy diner for ill-tempered cook Jimmy (Danny "MACHETE" Trejo).  It's almost closing time on a hot night when news comes over the radio of four grisly murders not far away, with the ill-fated family's killer still at large. 

A likely suspect enters as Noreen is chatting with a mild-mannered traveling salesman named John Dixon (Harold Perrineau, "Link" of MATRIX: RELOADED and REVOLUTIONS) on his way through town.  The stranger is foulmouthed and surly, prompting local deputy Lonnie (Lew Temple, THE DEVIL'S REJECTS) to start Barney Fife-ing him.  This proves to be a bad move, and before long "Doe" is threatening his seven terrified captives with a pump shotgun and getting crazier by the minute.



Michael Madsen does a lot of glorified cameo roles these days, so it's good to see him sink his teeth into a part that's not all that different from the kill-crazy Mr. Blonde of RESERVOIR DOGS, only without the mordant sense of humor.  His "Doe" is scary dangerous in a wary, calculated way and when he goes off and gets violent, the character is coldblooded and unpredictable. 

Young, whose direction is efficient without drawing attention to itself, throws a few curves at us to keep the story moving.  These include the arrival of Mr. Greene (Jake Busey), a shady businessman who's there to meet a Mr. Smith, whom he's never seen before.  Is it Doe, or is Mr. Smith someone else in the diner?  It might even be trucker Hank (the always-fine Kevin Gage of HEAT and LAID TO REST). 

Young builds a fair amount of suspense as Doe singles out his captives one at a time to terrorize and interrogate them, and people do get killed badly.  Still, much of the drama is psychological, so don't expect a gorefest--aside from a couple of grisly shots here and there, you'll have to use your DVD players' frame-advance to see an exploding head or two.  While none of this is unbearably nailbiting and the major plot twists are fairly predictable, the finale is nicely played and ends the movie on a satisfying note.



The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound.  A trailer is the sole extra.

THE KILLING JAR probably won't sear itself into your movie memory banks or have you swooning in cinematic ecstasy, but it's a solid little suspense thriller with some good performances and an absorbing story.  Best of all, it's a chance to see an aging Mr. Blonde at the end of his rope, going mental and getting trigger-happy one last time.  

THE KILLING JAR -- DVD Review by Porfle

THUNDER ALLEY (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/26/21

 

Currently watching: the 1967 follow-up to FIREBALL 500 and the last gasp of American-International's Frankie and/or Annette teen pictures, THUNDER ALLEY.

By now, Frankie Avalon has split to do his own thing, so Annette Funicello is left to carry this one with new leading man, teen idol Fabian (who played Frankie's rival in the previous film).

That's not all that has changed. This time, nearly all of the comedy has been scrapped along with any hint of farce, surrealism, cartoony characters, etc. in order to give us a straight-forward racing saga in which people have sex, get wildly drunk at parties where dancing girls strip their clothes off, and try to kill each other on the track, sometimes successfully.

 

As a change of pace, THUNDER ALLEY is actually pretty successful itself. Fabian is just the right choice to play famous driver Tommy Callahan, who has odd flashbacks during a race because of a childhood trauma and accidentally causes another driver's death. This makes him a pariah who is shunned by his peers and thrown out of professional racing.

Annette returns as Francie, a stunt driver working for her small-time entrepreneur dad Pete (Jan Murray) in his "Hell Drivers"-type auto show. When a desperate Tommy comes to Pete for work, he's forced to assume the name "Killer Callahan" to draw curious crowds.

Meanwhile, Tommy's girlfriend Annie (Diane McBain) doesn't like the relationship forming between Tommy and Francie, and neither does Francie's fellow stunt driver Eddie (Warren Berlinger in one of his better roles), who digs her.

 

But while all that romantic stuff is going on, we get to see plenty of real-life stock car racing action and fiery, metal-crunching carnage filmed at actual raceways and worked into the plot as Tommy fights to regain his former glory with the reckless Eddie as a dogged competitor.

To make things even more hairy,  a whole gang of bad guy racers led by hothead Leroy (Michael Bell) are out for his blood.  It all comes down to the big final race, which provides more than enough to delight fans of this kind of action.

Familiar faces dot the supporting cast, including Stanley Adams (Cyrano Jones in "Star Trek: The Trouble With Tribbles"), gorgeous and funny Maureen Arthur (HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING, THE LOVE GOD?), Kip King ("The Rifleman: The Dead-Eye Kid"), and some stalwart holdovers from the beach pictures (Sally Sachse, Mary Hughes). 

 

Replacing previous director and scripter William Asher ("Bewitched") are prolific TV writer Sy Salkowitz and director Richard Rush (HELLS ANGELS ON WHEELS), who would go on to direct such high-profile films as FREEBIE AND THE BEAN, THE STUNT MAN, and COLOR OF NIGHT.

Music is by Mike Curb, with just a couple of racing-related songs on the soundtrack and a single number by Annette (one of her better ones). Fabian, thank goodness, spares us his sub-par crooning but is more than adequate in the lead role. 

 

The borderline sleazy ad campaign for the film includes the tagline "Their god is speed! Their pleasure an 'anytime girl'!" so there's definitely a different audience being targeted this time. Or maybe the same audience, but a little older and looking for some stronger stuff.

Thinking that this late entry in the American-International teen genre would be a weak fizzle, I was surprised to find THUNDER ALLEY even more absorbing than its crash-em-up predecessor. It's by far the better film, thanks largely to director Richard Rush, and one of the most enjoyable films of its kind.

One of director Quentin Tarantino's many visual callbacks: his alternate title for DEATH PROOF (2007), which we see only for a split-second before being replaced by a crude "Death Proof" insert, is obviously inspired by the main title for THUNDER ALLEY.

THUNDER ALLEY (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

FIREBALL 500 (1966) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/24/21

 

Currently rewatching: FIREBALL 500 (1966). I hadn't seen this one since a primetime TV showing back in the 60s and didn't remember much about it except that it had the same kind of production values, music, and other elements, along with stars Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello, as the "beach party" movies from which it had evolved.

But despite an opening featuring stop-motion animated cavemen inventing the wheel (courtesy of Art "Gumby" Clokey) and a jokey introduction to Frankie's character as he outruns a pitchfork-wielding farmer defending his amorous daughter, any misconceptions I had about this being a lighthearted comedy farce were soon dispelled.

What "Beach Party" director William Asher and co-writer Leo Townsend have concocted here is about as serious and gritty as this kind of candy-coated thriller can be, with Frankie (now "Dave Owens") a California daredevil descending upon the American South for some of that stock car racing action. He's met with resistance by local racing hero Leander (fellow teen idol Fabian), an arrogant chick magnet who moonlights as a moonshiner.

 

 
Annette's back as the niece of race track owner Chill Wills, but this time her "Jane" character is all in for bad-boy Leander while Frankie has a yen for the more mature Martha (Julie Parrish, THE NUTTY PROFESSOR, "Star Trek: The Menagerie") who wants him both as a lover and a high-speed driver for her illicit booze business, which is overseen by none other than Harvey "Eric Von Zipper" Lembeck in menacing redneck mode as cigar-chomping Charlie Bigg.

The rivalry heats up between the two alpha males both on and off the track, a highlight being their figure-8 "chicken race." When other moonshine drivers start getting run off the road (one is rather grimly killed), Frankie suspects Fabian of playing chicken with them on those dark mountain roads in order to advance his own illegal alcohol business.

Obviously, this high-octane adrenaline rush of a teen flick goes way beyond simply replacing surfboards with race cars, especially when we see Frankie actually having off-screen sex with Julie, in addition to that young driver plummetting to his death off a steep cliff.  None of the adults are played for "old fogey" laughs either--this time, everyone in the cast is a bonafide member of the adult world.

 

Frankie finally gets to play a cool badass here, standing up to IRS agents who want him to go undercover for them and taking on Fabian in a doozy of a fist-fight after getting knocked off the track during a big race. He doesn't even really try to win Annette, preferring Julie's more worldly charms instead.

The former beach bums each get to sing, with Annette luring customers into her uncle's hootchie-kootchie show and Frankie seranading the patrons of a local nightclub. (Fortunately, we're spared Fabian's tone-deaf warbling.) Many familiar faces from the previous films are carried over here either as Leander's groupies or race drivers.

 

 

Once the vehicular manslaughter mystery is cleared up, the film ends with a final championship race that offers car lovers roughly ten minutes of exciting actual footage (filmed, according to IMDb, "at the Ascot and Saugus Raceways near Los Angeles with local color shot in Charlotte, North Carolina") with added rear-projection inserts of Frankie and Fabian going at each other amidst the fiery, fender-bending action.

Thinking this to be simply a dead-end attempt to keep beach-party viewers interested, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed FIREBALL 500 on its own terms as a more serious and at times hardball action flick. Of course, the production values are just as flimsy and TV-movie-level as ever, and the dialogue just as corny, but somehow it all manages to deliver an hour and a half of pulpy fun. 

FIREBALL 500 (1966) -- Movie Review by Porfle