INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 2/21/19

 

Bad movie fans love to wander through that magical, dreamlike territory created when a low-budget, made-on-a-shoestring horror movie transcends its badness to become an almost blissfully immersive experience in "so bad it's good"-ness.

One movie that easily transports willing viewers to that wacky wonderland of the twisted mind is INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS (Severin Films, 1972).  This makeshift affair was filmed on three weekends with actors paid mostly with six packs of beer (the highest-paid thespian in the cast received a whopping $25) on rural locations in upstate New York.

Director and co-writer (with Ed Kelleher) Ed Adlum, who also produced and co-wrote SHRIEK OF THE MUTILATED, planned for this to be an alien invasion movie, but economy forced him to make it about druids who are kidnapping people and draining them of their blood in an isolated farmhouse, hoping to find the right blood type that will reanimate their sleeping Queen Onhorrid and please the underworld gods that they worship.

It's an uneasy juxtaposition of MOTEL HELL (these druid-drones are some real backwood hick-types), complete with a torture barn where screaming victims are chained up and horrifically power-drained of their blood with what appears to be a cow-milking machine, and some diabolical Gothic-tinged scenes with an effeminate cult leader, Creton (Paul Craig Jennings), and his capo who both appear to have studied at the Bunny Breckinridge School of Acting.

Meanwhile, blissfully square med student Don Tucker (Bruce Detrick) is engaged to waiflike Jenny (Tanna Hunter) while assisting her scientist father Dr. Anderson (Norman Kelley) in studying a sample of druid-victim blood that is constantly increasing in volume.

Little do they realize that Dr. Anderson's friend and consultant on the case is Creton's right-hand man, who conspires to sabotage his research and kidnap Jenny as a potential blood donor for the druids' slumbering queen.

Add to that a gang of comical ne'er-do-wells down at the local bar, including a drunken police deputy who refers to the bar as a "police annex", and we have a cast of characters whose Ed Wood-level acting and dialogue are a constant delight, especially during the more dramatic scenes which just can't help but turn out delightfully funny.

Writer-director Adlum himself confirms that there was no intentional humor in the film (save for one reference to Bloody Marys) and that things just sort of turned out that way while they were earnestly trying to get the film done with the rushed schedule and meager resources available.  As it is, the film's technical qualities vary wildly with different people behind the camera and some occasionally rough editing, among other things.

Yet it all comes together to create a strangely satisfying and pleasingly odd horror film experience that reminded me somewhat of EQUINOX (without the SPFX) by way of TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE and garnished with the sort of florid Goth touches found in old horror comics.  All of which is juxtaposed with that hokey Hicksville ambience that seems rife for an invasion by evil blood farming druids.

The Blu-ray from Severin Films features a very nice-looking print taken from the original negative.  English subtitles are available.  The bonus menu includes a commentary track with Ed Adlum and actress Ortrum Tippel, moderated by Kier-La Janisse (author of "House of Psychotic Women"). There's also a very interesting and engaging interview with Adlum, an interview with actor Jack Neubeck (who played druid-drone Egon), an interview with cinematographer Frederick Elmes, and the film's trailer.

INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS is one of those delightful bad-movie romps that just can't help being consistently entertaining in one way or another. The big finale, shot mostly in one take, is just too oddly off-kilter for words.  And even the happy ending left me agog.  It's the sort of blandly bizarre narrative one might dream after being hit over the head with a blunt instrument. 


Buy it from Severin Films

Release date: 2/26/19

Special Features:
Audio Commentary with Director Ed Adlum and Actress Ortrum Tippel, Moderated by Kier-La Janisse, Author of House of Psychotic Women
Nothing You’d Show Your Mom: Eddie Adlum’s Journey through Exploitation, Coin-Op & Rock n’ Roll
Harvesting the Dead: Interview with Actor Jack Neubeck
Painful Memories: An Interview with Cinematographer Frederick Elmes
Trailer

INVASION OF THE BLOOD FARMERS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

DOLEMITE -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/26/16

 

If the 70s were heroin, DOLEMITE (1975) would be an O.D.  This is one of the quintessential Blaxploitation flicks of the decade, and it revels in the era's day-glo tackiness with an avalanche of pure kitsch.

Rudy Ray Moore takes his popular comedy act to the screen with the character of super bad-ass pimp Dolemite, serving a bum rap in prison but released in order to redeem himself by bringing the real criminals terrorizing his neighborhood to justice.

This includes current pimp lord Willie Green (D'Urville Martin, ROSEMARY'S BABY, GUESS WHO'S COMING TO DINNER, SHEBA BABY, BLACK CAESAR), who framed Dolemite and took over his nightclub, The Total Experience.  When Dolemite and Willie go at it head to head, the whole hood erupts in intermittent bursts of shooting, pummeling, extreme profanity ("You rat-soup-eatin' mutha****er!"), and really unconvincing martial arts choreography.

The film is chockful of gloriously bad acting, with the occasional good performance (Hy Pyke, who played "Taffey Lewis" in 1982's BLADE RUNNER is a crooked mayor) standing out like a sore thumb.  Moore and his co-star Lady Reed as madam Queen Bee are unpolished to say the least, but thoroughly earnest and into their roles. 

Along with the standard black crime boss come the requisite bad honkeys, who are, unsurprisingly, crooked cops representing The Man.  They're led by another capable actor, John Kerry (no, not THAT John Kerry), as the vile Detective Mitchell.  Scripter Jerry Jones is good black cop Blakely, while Vainus Rackstraw steals his scenes as a drug-addled informant known as "The Hamburger Pimp."

The script veers easily from drama to comedy and back.  After we hear the tragic story of how Dolemite's nephew was gunned down in the street and the whole neighborhood's going to hell, Dolemite's "ladies" bring him his colorful pimp clothes at the prison gate and he changes into them while the guards and inmates look on with mouths agape.

Minutes later he cheerfully ventilates some bad guys who were tailing his car with a machine gun, making the last one dance ("Girls, this muthaf***er's got rhythm, hasn't he!") before blowing him away.

Of course, Moore gets to perform some of his rhyming comedy routines during the film, as when he reopens his nightclub with a big event that quickly degenerates into all-out war with Dolemite and his kung-fu ho's (they've been studying martial arts while he was away) taking on Willie Green's pistol-packing thugs.

The film is loaded with vulgar sexuality and plenty of violence, although we're spared the sight of what appears to be Dolemite plunging his hand into someone's chest by a crude edit.  Production values are conspicuously low.  First-time director D'Urville Martin reportedly didn't take the project very seriously and it shows.  The overall look of the film is delightfully garish, with Moore himself credited as set designer.

The Blu-ray/DVD set from Vinegar Syndrome offers the feature film, which is restored from a newly-discovered 35mm negative, in both 1.85:1 matted widescreen and unmatted full screen (called the "Boom Mike" version for obvious reasons). An informative commentary by Rudy Ray Moore biographer Mark Jason Murray also includes comments from Moore and actor-writer Jerry Jones. 

Extras also include the making-of doc "I, Dolemite", raw footage from an interview with Lady Reed, a "Locations: Then & Now" featurette, and trailers for this and the sequel, "The Human Tornado." The DVD's cover artwork is reversible.

Back before home video and cable made such things commonplace even for kids, an "R" rating before a movie made us feel like we were really going to see something.  In achingly, blazingly 70s style, the unabashedly irreverent DOLEMITE delivers on that promise.

DOLEMITE -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

BLACKENSTEIN -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 5/12/2017

 

Back in the early 70s, it was sort of a "thing" to take popular movie titles and add the word "black" to create new concepts in Blaxploitation.  This led to such films as BLACK GODFATHER, BLACK CAESAR, BLACULA, and, last but certainly not least, the unforgettably named BLACKENSTEIN (1973).

(Fortunately, this trend faded out before anyone came up with BLACK JAWS or BLACK ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND.)

Despite the rather obvious joke reference of the title, however, BLACKENSTEIN isn't true "Blaxploitation" at all, since it lacks any of the usual dubious elements of that genre (pimps, hookers, drug dealers, guns, gratuitous racial references, etc.).

That we visit a blues club frequented mainly by black patrons in one scene is purely incidental.  In fact, the race of any character in the film could, as far as the story goes, be totally interchangeable.

Even the sadistic white male nurse who verbally abuses helpless Viet Nam vet Eddie, a black man, during his stay in a veterans' hospital, refrains from adding any racial epithets to his spittle-spewing tirade. (Prolific actor John Dennis gives what is probably the film's best performance here.)

The story is actually rather old-fashioned "Monster Kid" stuff about a brilliant scientist, Dr. Stein, who offers to help reconstruct Eddie after a landmine has blown off all four limbs.

Complicating things is the fact that Dr. Stein's creepy assistant Malcomb has fallen in love with Eddie's bride-to-be, the beautiful Dr. Winifred Walker, who's helping Dr. Stein with the procedure.  After she rejects his advances, Malcomb maliciously alters Eddie's DNA injections so that he will gradually evolve into a bestial, Frankenstein's Monster-like killing machine and go on a bloody rampage. 

An ornate Old Hollywood mansion provides ideal exteriors, as well as some of the dark, shadowy interiors, for Dr. Stein's modern Gothic abode (which, though sunbaked by day, seems forever plagued by lightning storms and fog at night).  Sparser sets make up the rest of the interior locations such as bedrooms for Dr. Stein's various experimental patients including Andrea King (THE BEAST WITH FIVE FINGERS). 

The doctor's laboratory itself consists of a large, shadow-strewn room adorned with as much realistic-looking medical and electrical gadgetry as the filmmakers could muster, including, interestingly enough, some of Kenneth Strickfaden's original FRANKENSTEIN equipment.
  

Production elements such as direction, editing, and camerawork are decidedly unpolished, yet hardly unwatchable.  In fact, the film has its own earnest and oddly compelling quality which I found rather endearing. 

One thing BLACKENSTEIN does have going for it is a fairly tight pace, with director William A. Levey (SKATETOWN U.S.A., THE HAPPY HOOKER GOES TO WASHINGTON, WAM BAM THANK YOU SPACEMAN) moving us right along from one important plot point to the next with little or no padding and sometimes not much of a transition, either. 

Library music is wielded like a blunt instrument in piecing together the film's extensive score--often it's so wonderfully overwrought that it makes even Albert Glasser seem sedate by comparison.  Adding to the mood are some evocative blues songs by Cardella DeMilo, who appears in the nightclub scene.

What really makes this a fun monster movie is, of course, its monster.  Despite looking decidedly on the low-rent side, Joe DeSue's shuffling "Blackenstein" monster is an amusing, fun creation (even with his turtleneck shirt, square afro, and "Dad" boots) who manages to create a good amount of bloody havoc wherever he goes. 

A visit to that abusive male nurse is the first item on his rampage list, which he follows up on successive nights by slaughtering some nightclub patrons and then making quick work of several other hapless individuals who cross his path, complete with crude but colorful gore effects. 

The ending, involving a pack of vicious police dogs who seem not to have been fed recently, is particularly splattery.

In addition to the graphic violence, there's also a bit of nudity here and there, notably when Blackenstein pays a nocturnal visit to the home of famed stripper and mob moll Liz Renay, who resembles a young Dolly Parton and appears briefly in a see-through nightie.   

John Hart, probably best known for playing TV's "The Lone Ranger" for a season back in the early 50s, is a bland and rather philanthropic Dr. Stein, a stark contrast to the mad doctor of so many other Frankenstein spinoffs. 

Ivory Stone is a winsome Dr. Winifred Walker, while stoic Joe DeSue does an adequate job as Eddie before and after his fateful transition.  As Dr. Stein's assistant Malcomb, Roosevelt Jackson creeps us out by always sneaking furtive glances at Winifred even as she ministers to her bedridden fiancé between operations.   

The Severin Films Blu-ray offers both the Theatrical Version and a new Video Release Version with about eleven minutes of extra footage.  These bonus scenes haven't been restored since the original elements no longer exist, which makes it easier to tell when we're seeing the added material.

Interestingly, the new and extended segments contain some relatively impressive camera moves and allow smoother transitions from one scene to the next.  Even the performances seem somewhat better with the fleshing out of the characters and dialogue.

The Blu-ray is in 1080p full HD resolution with English 2.0 sound.  Subtitles are available for the Theatrical Version.  Bonus features focus mainly on the fascinating life and mysterious execution-style murder of the film's writer-producer Frank R. Saletri.  His sister June Kirk is interviewed in the touching featurette "Monster Kid", while producers/directors/actors Ken Osborne and Robert Dix weigh in with their remembrances.  There's also an interview with monster makeup creator Bill Munns, an archive news broadcast about Saletri's unsolved murder, and a trailer.

The thing that struck me most about BLACKENSTEIN is that it isn't nearly as irredeemably awful as I'd always been led to believe.  That is, while the "so bad it's good" fun-factor still goes straight to eleven, there's also a kind of sincerity that's disarming. Even at its most lurid, exploitative, and inept, in its heart it just wants to be an old-fashioned monster movie.


Buy it from Severin Films

BLACKENSTEIN -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

CHiPS: THE COMPLETE FOURTH SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 3/15/16

 

Once again, I find myself giddy with retro-delight over another season's worth of shows from a TV series that I couldn't care less about when it originally aired.  Yes, it's time again for officers Ponch and Jon, those beefcake buddies on wheels, to ride the highways righting wrongs in CHiPS: THE COMPLETE FOURTH SEASON.

This five-disc, 21-episode DVD set from Warner Home Entertainment offers the further adventures of our favorite motorcycle cops (circa 1980) in some of the most unabashedly hokey, tacky, sometimes juvenile stories this side of those old live-action Saturday morning shows such as "Shazam!" and "The Secrets of Isis." 

Indeed, most episodes involve troubled kids in need of some sympathetic adult guidance, which our stalwart heroes are happy to dispense even if it means never having an actual day off.  (Does Ponch ever have time to date any of the gorgeous babes he's always ogling?  Does Jon ever get to ride his horse? )

The other half of each show usually features some grown-up do-badders in need of apprehension, CHiPs-style. Sometimes the two subplots overlap, and sometimes they're totally unrelated.  Both are resolved in time for one of those gag endings where everyone is freeze-framed in mid laugh.

The first episode in the set, "Go-Cart Terror", blasts out of the starting gate with none other than the great Larry Storch and Sonny Bono as bumbling burglars trying to pay off a troublesome debt by robbing furniture and appliance stores. (Storch appeared in season three with Larry Linville in an equally amusing episode.) This is a pair-up for the ages, and we're just getting started.

With a title like "Go-Cart Terror" you'd expect there to be go-carts, and you wouldn't be disappointed.  The cast gets even better when legendary kid actor Moosie Drier ("Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In") shows up as a go-cart terrorist (hence the title) who knocks over a little girl on a bike and speeds away.  Not to worry, though, since Moosie's not really bad--he's just misunderstood.

Other episodes feature more misunderstood kids on more modes of conveyance such as racing bikes, midget race cars, and even sail-powered skateboards. More often than not, the last ten minutes or so are set aside to showcase Ponch, Jon, and the rest of the CHiPs team having some "big kid" fun with these recreational vehicles themselves after the kids' problems have been resolved. 

Meanwhile, the grown-up bad guys range from crossbow-wielding poachers (the aptly-titled "The Poachers") to shady businessmen sabotaging their competitors' freight trucks ("To Your Health") to your garden variety drunk drivers, drug smugglers, arsonists, and road-ragers.

Whatever the details, just about every episode includes a highway or freeway chase scene set to the usual generic disco music (TV shows of the 70s had a real hard time letting go of disco) and packed with lots of skidding around and fender-bending.

These are invariably topped off by one or more of your basic vehicle crashes right out of the stunt drivers' playbook, usually in slow-motion.  You can see the set-ups for these stunts coming a mile away, which is part of their appeal. 

One of the centerpieces of this set is the big two-parter "The Great 5K Star Race and Boulder Wrap Party", which is a companion to last season's double-length tale of the annual CHiPs celebrity charity bash (and ratings grab).  Ponch is once again in charge of stocking the event with celebrities, somehow managing to accumulate every familiar TV face within a twenty-mile radius of Hollywood. 

Just like last year, we get some hit-and-run robbers on wheels (roller skates then, a motorcycle with a sidecar now) played by none other than Ken Berry ("F Troop", "Mayberry RFD") and Alex Rocco (THE GODFATHER's Moe Green).  This comically-inept duo hole up in an unoccupied beachfront mansion to escape the cops, with Ken living the life of a Hollywood producer and Alex pulling burglaries in surrounding houses until Ponch and Jon close in on them.

Milton Berle guest stars as himself and gamely recites the grim one-liners that have been written for him.  The big finale, consisting of party games with the stars while a giant boulder teeters precipitously at the top of a hill nearby, is packed with literally dozens of recognizable faces, some from long-forgotten TV shows you'll have trouble recalling.

In addition to the glut of guest stars in this episode, the rest of the season boasts such luminaries as Heather Locklear, William Smith, Kathleen Freeman, Robert Ginty, Michael Ansara, Don Galloway, Tina Louise, Ellen Geer, Mickey Jones, Leigh French, Don Stroud, Robert Englund, Chris Mulkey, Mary Louise Weller, Adam Roarke, Joe Estevez, Richard Roundtree, Barbi Benton, Cindy Morgan, Stuart Pankin, Barbara Stock, "Mousie" Garner, Danny Bonaduce, Kari Michaelsen, Cathy Rigby, Dwight Schultz, Dar Robinson, Joanna Kerns, Candy Azzara, and A Martinez.

The 5-disc DVD set from Warner Bros. Home Entertainment is in standard full-screen format as originally aired, with Dolby Digital soundtracks in English and Japanese and subtitles in English, Japanese, and French.  No extras.

As usual, there's very little actual violence or grievous injury on "CHiPs" and hardly anyone ever dies--making CHiPS: THE COMPLETE FOURTH SEASON ideal "family" entertainment that's especially suitable for kids.  I guess it's this light, friendly, "good wins out" tone of the show, and the fact that it's so unselfconscious about it, that appeals to me after the usual gloom and doom--sometimes I'm just in the mood for a good freeze-frame laugh. 

Episode titles:

1.       Go-Cart Terror   
2.       Sick Leave       
3.       To Your Health   
4.       The Poachers     
5.       The Great 5K Star Race and Boulder Wrap Party: Part 1    
6.       The Great 5K Star Race and Boulder Wrap Party: Part 2    
7.       Satan’s Angels   
8.       Wheels of Justice
9.       Crash Course     
10.   Forty Tons of Trouble    
11.   11-99: Officer Needs Help   
12.   Home Fires Burning  
13.   Sharks              
14.   Ponch’s Angels: Part 1  
15.   Ponch’s Angels: Part 2  
16.   Karate           
17.   New Guy in Town
18.   The Hawk and the Hunter 
19.   Vigilante                
20.   Dead Man’s Riddle       
21.   A Simple Operation     

Buy it at the WBShop.com
Street date: March 15, 2016

READ OUR REVIEW OF SEASON THREE HERE!

CHiPS: THE COMPLETE FOURTH SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

CHiPs: THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 2/28/15

 

After reviewing season DVDs for series such as "The Love Boat" and "Hotel", I've discovered that certains shows I wouldn't have been caught dead watching when they were new are now strangely entertaining in an "I Love the 70s" kind of way. They're just as cheesy (to put it mildly), just as poorly-made, and just as dumb, but watching them now through cheese-colored glasses somehow makes them magically entertaining in their own weird way.

 One show that perfectly embodies this phenomenon is showcased in the new Warner Bros. Home Entertainment 5-disc, 23-episode DVD set CHiPS: THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON. I never watched a single episode of "CHiPS" during its original run (1977–1983) because I always had something better to do (I was basking in the revelries of my wild youth, after all) or at least something better to watch. Now, however, I have plenty of time to sit back, relax, and savor the whiz-bang Cheeto-flavored exploits of these totally unrealistic motorcycle cops to my heart's content.

All teeth, hair, and muscles, cycle cops Frank "Ponch" Poncherello (Latino ladies' man Erik Estrada) and Jon Baker (WASP-y beach boy Larry Wilcox) are the epitome of benignly uber-macho hunks of beefcake with hearts of gold. This helps them deal with all the screwed-up guest stars they encounter on the freeways of So-Cal and juggle their different subplots until the big lugs are able to straighten everything out by episode's end.

One thing's for sure--this show couldn't be any more 70s if it tried. And I'm talking bad 70s, which, of course, are now good 70s, at least in a so bad it's good type of way. For example, the two-part season premiere (titled, incredibly, "Roller Disco") revolves around a big beachfront roller-disco bash so that we can enjoy plenty of slow-motion bikini babes on wheels doin' their thang.

Of course, roller skates are relevant in other essential ways as well. The powerhouse team-up of Jim Brown (THE DIRTY DOZEN) and Fred "The Hammer" Williamson (FROM DUSK TILL DAWN) is totally squandered on a goofy subplot in which they play petty smash-and-grab thieves on skates. Helena Kallianiotes, the spacey chick from FIVE EASY PIECES and the Raquel Welch roller epic KANSAS CITY BOMBER, is also on hand as their leader, with hidden pop-out wheels built into her platform shoes to help her cover their escape after each job.

The big cliffhanger at the end of part one is Fred's stuntman in an aerial freeze-frame during a skate jump over a flight of steps while fleeing from an off-duty Ponch, who also happens to be wearing skates. (I'm not making any of this up--it's all documented right here on the DVD.) A pesky kid ups the "aww" factor by initially wanting emulate the thieves before turning over a new leaf and helping the good guys. Yay!

Meanwhile, more 70s goodness is exuded from our TV screens with Leif Garrett playing a "rock star" (uh-huh) exhausted by the grueling schedule laid down by his manager, played by "The Bob Newhart Show" and "I Dream of Jeannie" vet Bill Daily. Leif seeks refuge from the world in Jon's apartment, which just doesn't work out for a number of reasons but allows him to do lots of great Leif Garrett acting and, well, just being Leif Garrett.

Not only that, but a giggling Larry Linville (Frank Burns of "M*A*S*H") and the great Larry Storch ("F Troop", "Ghost Busters") are getting revenge on tailgaters by riding around the freeway with a special back-mounted rig that spews sparks on anyone who gets too close and causes them to have spectacular slow-motion traffic accidents for our entertainment while Linville (in a neck brace) cackles maniacally. Who could ask for more?

But there's plenty more, because the grand finale of this epic two-parter is a celebrity-packed roller boogie party featuring not only Leif Garrett lip-synching one of his worst songs ("Give In"), but also a ton of familiar faces from 70s TV. This stellar roster includes such faves as Todd Bridges, Dana Plato, Earl Holliman, Lee Meriwether, Jo Ann Pflug, Melissa Sue Anderson, Michael Cole, Ruth Buzzi, Antonio Fargas, George Peppard, and several others. Talk about going for broke!

Subsequent episodes continue with the usual meat-and-potatoes production values, bland acting, and simple plotlines that are sometimes reminiscent of those "message" stories from the old "Shazam!" live-action series on Saturday mornings. The main cops never draw their guns, and most of the action comes from frequent chase scenes accompanied by the endless "thump-thump-thump" of generic disco music (by, of all people, future ace movie composer Alan Silvestri), with tons of stunt driving and metal-grinding car crashes (filmed mainly on not-yet-finished freeways) to satisfy our lust for destruction porn.

In "Valley Go Home!", a beach turf war between surfer dudes and Latinos from the valley ("Vals") is handled diplomatically by Ponch and Jon (at one point Ponch barks, "Can the feud jive, guys!") while the cops also try to solve a series of thefts in which CB radios and 8-track tape decks are being stolen out of parked cars, a delightfully dated reference. And even with all that, they manage to get romantically involved with some bikini babes who take them catamaran sailing.

"High Octane" features big-time gasoline thieves during the famous gas shortage of the 70s, while "Counterfeit" and "Hot Wheels" are self-explanatory. "Death Watch", one of the show's rare somber episodes, is about the death and funeral of a fallen cop. This is the show where Christopher Stone and Dee Wallace first met before becoming one of Hollywood's most enduring married couples.

"Return of the Super-Cycle" finds Jon going after a stunt-cycle-riding jewel thief on a specially-built cycle of his own. During filming on this one, Erik Estrada was injured and had to spend several episodes in a hospital bed while Jon rode with various other partners including their easygoing boss, Sgt. Getraer (Robert Pine).

Other semi-regular characters include Randi Oakes as Officer Bonnie Clark, Brodie Greer as Officer Barry Baricza, Paul Linke as Officer Arthur "Grossie" Grossman, Lou Wagner as nerdy, fastidious motorcycle mechanic Harlan Arliss, and future "Star Trek: The Next Generation" star Michael "Worf" Dorn as Officer Jebediah Turner. Most episodes end on a "funny" gag, often at the expense of Officer Ponch (even "Death Watch"), followed by the old laughing freeze-frame.

The show is rife with "spot the familiar face" guest stars such as Andy Robinson (DIRTY HARRY), Ralph Meeker, Michelle Pfeiffer, William Smith, Anne Lockhart, Andrew Duggan, Billy Barty, Mark Slade, Martin Kove, Anne Ramsey, Bruce Glover, Brion James (BLADE RUNNER), Leon Isaac Kennedy, Simon Oakland, Don Mitchell, Billy Green Bush, Angel Tompkins (LITTLE CIGARS), William Schallert, Ellen Geer, Timothy Carey, Jayne Kennedy, Edd Byrnes, Morgan Woodward, Ron Soble, Paul Nicholas (TOMMY), and Joan Freeman (PANIC IN YEAR ZERO, THE RELUCTANT ASTRONAUT).

Some of the series' directors include Don Weis (PAJAMA PARTY), Gordon Hessler (THE GOLDEN VOYAGE OF SINBAD, THE OBLONG BOX), and even co-star Larry Wilcox, who helmed the episode "Tow-Truck Lady."

Here's the complete list of 24 one-hour episodes in the set:

Roller Disco, Part I
Roller Disco, Part II
Valley Go Home
High Octane
Death Watch
Counterfeit
Return of the Supercycle
Hot Wheels
Drive Lady Drive - Part I
Drive Lady Drive - Part II
The Watch Commander
Destruction Derby
Second Chance
Wheeling
Christmas Watch
Jailbirds (in which Ponch and Jon end up behind bars themselves)
E.M.T.
Kidnap
Off Road
Tow Truck Lady
The Strippers
Thrill Show
Nightingale
Dynamite Alley 

The 5-disc DVD set from Warner Bros. Home Entertainment is in standard full-screen format as originally aired, with Dolby Digital soundtracks in English and Japanese and subtitles in English, Japanese, and French. No extras save for an episode guide inserted into the keepcase.

Genial buddy-cop fun, miles of mindless action and crunched cars, a little of the old "jiggle" here and there, really bad disco, and, occasionally, some actual realistic police work--CHiPs: THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON has it all. Betcha can't watch just one!


Buy it at the WBShop.com
Own "CHiPs: THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON" on March 3rd. 

READ OUR REVIEW OF SEASON FOUR HERE!
 
 

CHiPs: THE COMPLETE THIRD SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

CHESTY MORGAN'S BOSOM BUDDIES -- Blu-Ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 9/8/12

 

When adult filmmaker Doris Wishman got together with bazooka-boobed Polish stripper Chesty Morgan in the mid-70s, the result was two of the most head-scratchingly cockeyed and totally off-the-wall nudesploitation flicks ever made.  "Deadly Weapons" and "Double Agent 73" are now together on the same Blu-Ray disc along with an unofficial non-Chesty follow-up, "The Immoral Three", to form the Something Weird Video collection CHESTY MORGAN'S BOSOM BUDDIES.

It was a match made in junk-film heaven--Wishman, a filmmaker with an abundance of energy and enthusiasm but little actual skill, and Chesty, a stunning human visual effect who nevertheless displays absolutely no natural talent whatsoever in front of the camera.  In fact, her absolute lack of any discernible acting skill makes everyone and everything else around her seem better by default.  And yet, with those mind-bogglingly huge all-natural hooters and preternaturally unaffected (some might say "spaced-out") expression, she somehow demands our disbelieving attention every second she's on the screen.

"Deadly Weapons" (1974) features Chesty (here billed as "Zsa Zsa") as the faithful wife of a mob wiseguy named Larry who gets whacked after he steals an incriminating address book and tries to blackmail his boss with it.  The grief-stricken Chesty vows revenge.  Overhearing one of her hubby's killers referring to his addiction to "burlesque", Chesty knows what she must do--get a job as a stripper and wait for him to show up at the club. 

Naturally, she has no trouble doing so after the bug-eyed manager gets a load of her blouse-bursting knockers, which gives Wishman a chance to include scenes from Chesty's burlesque "act" as part of the plot.  When the killer shows up, she gets him alone long enough to wield the only weapons at her disposal, smothering him to death with her enormous cleavage in a scene that has to be gaped at to be believed. 

Later, porn star Harry Reems (DEEP THROAT) meets the same fate despite sporting what must be one of the most formidable moustaches in film history.  But screenwriter Judy J. Kushner (Doris' niece) saves the most shocking twist for the final minutes of the film, which should leave viewers shaking their heads in dismay.

With "Double Agent 73", Chesty portrays secret agent Jane Tennay, who, in service of a plot that doesn't really bear keeping track of, has a camera surgically implanted into her left boob.  That way, whenever she kills an enemy agent she can snap a photo via her Nipple Cam for use back at headquarters in identifying the big cheese, "Mr. T." (no, not THAT "Mr. T."). 

This gives the robotic Chesty an excuse to doff a variety of hideously unflattering outfits throughout the story, beat up bad guys with her wrecking-ball boobs, and snap their pictures.  But first, we meet her while inexplicably sunbathing in a black bra, hot pants, and pantyhose while watching that old nudie-flick standby, naked coed volleyball. 

Later, there's a weird slow-motion sequence with her beating up an attacker with her boobs while taking pictures of him, leading to a hilarous speeded-up car chase that's like a cross between "Bullitt" and "The Road Runner."  In another highlight, Chesty's pretty blonde houseguest is mistaken for her by an assassin, giving director Wishman a chance to duplicate the shower scene from "Psycho" but with a decidedly different approach than Hitchcock.  To her credit, Wishman does manage a couple of semi-cool action scenes in which Chesty is manipulated into looking like she's actually doing something, a feat even Hitch probably couldn't have pulled off.

Wishman's directorial style is primitive, but it's always watchable.  She even shows a little imagination here and there, particularly during scenes of people getting beaten up, and there are flashes of rudimentary style.  But the main fun here (aside from the inescapably nightmarish 70s decor and fashions) is in watching Wishman try to coax a performance out of Chesty Morgan the way nature photographers attempt to manipulate animals into "acting" for the camera.  

While listening to breathless dramatic dialogue being dubbed over Chesty's expressionless closeups, to hilarious effect (Doris and her husband dubbed ALL the voices themselves), it finally occurred to me that these films reminded me of the 1970 TV series "Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp", in which footage of chimpanzees dressed as human characters was coupled with voiceover dialogue to create modest little spy spoofs.  Even the look of the film, sets, and costumes is similar, and it wasn't hard to imagine Chesty fitting right in as Lancelot Link's female sidekick Mata Hairy ("Oh, Lancie!"), albeit with less acting ability than the original ape actress.

Since there were only two Doris Wishman epics produced with Chesty Morgan as the star, the third film in this collection, "The Immoral Three", aka "Hotter Than Hell" (1975), is more of a generic offering.  That is, the three women who star in it have more generic physical endowments, although star Cindy Boudreau as "Genny" is still pretty conventionally stacked.

This time, agent Jane Tennay (also Boudreau) is murdered by a mysterious assailant.  We discover that she had three daughters who were the result of "carelessness" during missions involving sexual relations with the enemy.  The half-sisters Genny, Sandy (Sandra Kay), and Nancy (Michele Marie), strangers to one another until now, must find out who killed their mother and avenge her in order to inherit her $3,000,000 estate.

What follows is some dull softcore sex stuff such as a bikini-clad Sandy fellating a banana to entice the pool man and a drunken Genny doing a seductive dance in bra and panties (the elevator scene is actually kind of funny), mixed with scenes of abrupt, bloody violence as the girls' search for their mother's killer draws some desperate characters out of the woodwork.  The final minutes are rather intense in their own haphazard way, with a surprise ending from right out of left field.

The triple-feature Blu-Ray from Something Weird Video is in 1080p high-definition widescreen 1.78:1 with mono sound.  Bonus features are a gallery of Doris Wishman exploitation art and a sizable collection of entertaining trailers from her many films.

In recognition of one of his major influences, John Waters has the teenage son in "Serial Mom" breathlessly watching Doris Wishman's Chesty Morgan flicks on home video in the privacy of his bedroom.  I, too, rented these movies back in the early 80s and found them, while not exactly "sexy", to be delightfully odd artifacts from a once-in-a-lifetime collaboration of cinematic forces.  With CHESTY MORGAN'S BOSOM BUDDIES, we can revel once again in the bizarre.

CHESTY MORGAN'S BOSOM BUDDIES -- Blu-Ray Review by Porfle

SAY KIDS...WHAT TIME IS IT? IT'S HOWDY DOODY TIME: THE LOST EPISODES -- DVD review by porfle

 

(Originally posted on 5/26/13)

 

Say, kids! What time is it?



If you answered "Howdy Doody Time!" then you just might be ready to take a nostalgic trip back to Doodyville to see what Howdy, Buffalo Bob, Clarabell the Clown, and the rest of the Doodyville gang are up to. And this 5-disc DVD set, called (take a deep breath) SAY KIDS...WHAT TIME IS IT? IT'S HOWDY DOODY TIME: THE LOST EPISODES (is that a long enough title or what?) is just the right vehicle to get you there.



Beginning in 1947 as "Puppet Playhouse" on the fledgling NBC network, the name was later changed to "Howdy Doody" after its freckle-faced marionette star and continued to air until 1960. Bob Smith played the buckskin-garbed Buffalo Bob, and Bob Keeshan, who would go on to great success in children's programming as Captain Kangaroo, co-starred as the horn-honking, seltzer-spritzing Clarabell the Clown, along with a supporting cast of live actors and marionettes. On each show they would entertain a studio audience of kids known as the "Peanut Gallery" with skits, songs, games, and silent movies narrated by Buffalo Bob. As Clarabell, Keeshan's successor Lew Anderson remained silent throughout the series, communicating only by sign language and by beeping his horn, until the final episode when he ended the show with a tearful "Goodbye, kids." (I'm getting verklempt!)



Thus, the lights went out in the Doodyville studio...until 1976, when the show was resuscitated for another 130 episodes before going down for the last time. Taped in Miami, Florida, "The New Howdy Doody Show" was a worthy successor to the original, at least judging by the few 50s episodes I've seen. Somehow the new version seems brighter, faster-moving, and more fun, but I was too young to catch the old show so nostalgia isn't a factor for me--you older Peanuts may disagree.



Buffalo Bob's older here, and I think that works in his favor. He's somehow more lovable and endearing now, and his enthusiastic, yet easygoing demeanor and keen sense of humor set the tone for the show. He loves to perform, singing and mingling with the Peanut Gallery (which has now greatly expanded to include not only dozens of kids but their giddy baby-boomer parents as well). Lew Anderson is a delight as the mischievous Clarabell, who loosens things up considerably by constantly pulling pranks and spraying everyone with his seltzer bottle. It's funny how agitated the Peanuts get whenever they see Clarabell sneaking up on an unsuspecting victim like the show's groovy bandleader, the leisure-suited, white Florsheim shoe-wearing Jackie Davis.



Of course, more than a few of these kids look as though they're being held hostage--even by the 70s, this sort of innocent nonsense was an alien concept to the more "sophisticated" sensibilities of some of the junior cynics in the Peanut Gallery. In one episode, there's a little blonde girl scout with glasses who I swear looks like she'd go postal if she could get her hands on a machine gun. So in a weird way, watching the various reactions of the kids to this old-fashioned brand of children's entertainment is pretty interesting in itself.



But you might as well leave that attitude behind, Missy, when you pop one of these discs into the DVD player. Because in Doodyville, the kids compete in "Good Behavior" contests and one of the most anti-social things you can do is to pop someone's balloons. Howdy Doody is everyone's favorite kid, of course, but his pal Dilly Dally runs a close second. Other marionette characters include the sweet-tempered Indian maiden Princess Summerfall Winterspring, the broomstick-riding cutup Sandy Witch, and, my favorite, the irascible old grouch Mayor Phineas T. Bluster. He's definitely the funniest thing about the show, whether strutting around self-importantly spoiling everyone's fun for his own selfish reasons or gleefully proclaiming his own greatness as he does in his hilarious ode to himself, "Bluster's Love Song":



"Oh, why oh why does everyone admire me so muh-uh-uch,

Oh, why oh why do people think I'm groovy?

Can it be because I happen to be so good-looking

Can it be they think that I should star in a movie?



"Oh, as a star I know that I would be the hottest, de-spite the fact I'm always shy and modest

I'm diligent, intelligent, I ring your chimes so I know they will put me on the front cover of Ti-ime...



"...oh, why oh why does everyone think I'm divine and I'm a saint

That's not only your o-pin-ion, it's mine

That's not only your o-pin-ion, that's not only your o-pin-ion, it's my opinion, too, because you see

I love, love, love, love...meeeeeeeee!"



This musical number cracks me up, especially when they cut away to everyone reacting in horror and covering their ears. And when Mayor Bluster's bratty nephew Petey, who looks like a short-pants version of him, joins the cast, it gets even funnier--they're a great comedy team. Rounding out the assortment of stringed characters are Mambo the Dancing Elephant, Tommy the Turtle, and the delightful Flub-A-Dub, a creature made up from parts of eight different animals.



A new live-action cast member is Marilyn Patch as Doodyville's schoolteacher, "Happy Harmony." With dimples deep enough to park a truck in, she's so perky she makes Mitzi Gaynor look like Ed Sullivan and provides viewers with ten times their daily minimum requirement of sweetness and light. At times, her zippy, wide-eyed energy makes even the kids in the Peanut Gallery regard her with puzzled amazement. But she's incredibly cute, giving us older Peanuts an added incentive to watch the show. And as a Harvard-educated Ph.D. in children's television research and human development, who starred in her own Saturday morning kid's show called "Marilyn and Calico" at age 11, she isn't just some happy-faced bimbo they hired off the street. Knowing that she has such a lifelong dedication to educating children through the media adds considerable weight to her character.



Each of the five discs in this set represents a week's worth of episodes with its own story arc. The self-explanatory titles are "Doodyville Arts Festival", "Dilly Dally's Birthday", "Good Behavior Contest", "Doodyville Laugh-A-Thon", and "Songfest." In all, there are 25 episodes for a total running time of about 600 minutes. The discs are beautifully packaged in a colorful fold-out box that fits into a metal tin and comes with a 20-page booklet with pictures, show info, and trivia (example: the Canadian version of the original "Howdy Doody" show featured Robert Goulet as "Timber Tom").



IT'S HOWDY DOODY TIME is bright, breezy fun, and surprisingly funny once you get into the spirit of it. There's zero irony, and none of the kind of humor that's funny for kids on one level and really funny for adults on a "wink-wink, nudge-nudge" level. I don't know about you, but darn it, sometimes I just get a craving for something like this between viewings of PULP FICTION, BOOGIE NIGHTS, and HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES. It's pure kid stuff, and if you're open to that sort of thing when it's done really well, you can have a ball watching these shows.



Read our interview with Marilyn (Patch) Arnone

 

 

SAY KIDS...WHAT TIME IS IT? IT'S HOWDY DOODY TIME: THE LOST EPISODES -- DVD review by porfle

"The Town That Dreaded Sundown" (1976) Visible Cameraman Blooper (video)

 

Sometimes the camera guy wants to get in on the act too!

Charles B. Pierce ("Legend of Boggy Creek") helped invent the stalker-slasher genre with his 1976 film "The Town That Dreaded Sundown."

In this classic blooper, lawmen Ben Johnson and Andrew Prine are joined by one of Pierce's cameramen who is clearly visible in the shot.

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Hope you enjoy it!

 

"The Town That Dreaded Sundown" (1976) Visible Cameraman Blooper (video)

Haunting Main Title Theme From "WUTHERING HEIGHTS" (Michel Legrand,1970) (video)

Timothy Dalton and Anna Caulder-Marshall play tragic lovers Heathcliff and Cathy...

...in this moody 1970 adaptation of the classic Emily Brontë novel.

The film's beautiful cinematography is complimented...

...by one of composer Michel Legrand's most haunting and evocative love themes.

And we've put together a montage of scenes from the film to go with it.



I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Haunting Main Title Theme From "WUTHERING HEIGHTS" (Michel Legrand,1970) (video)

"ALIEN" (1979): Ripley Flees As Ship Self-Destructs (video)

"ALIEN" was one of the most thrilling films of the 1970s.

Audiences who saw it during its first run would never forget it.

The film became a milestone in sci-fi cinema and made a star of Sigourney Weaver as "Ripley."

One of the most nail-biting sequences is Ripley's frantic effort to escape in a shuttlecraft before the ship explodes.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

"ALIEN" (1979): Ripley Flees As Ship Self-Destructs (video)

ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

Funny how my hazy old recollection of this show was that it started running out of steam circa 71-72.  To the contrary, a new viewing shows that it just kept getting better and better--so that, in fact, by the time ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON (Time-Life, 6-DVD set) rolled around, it was faster, wilder, and funnier than ever before.

With the departure of Artie Johnson, Ruth Buzzi is now the last surviving original cast member, but it's still a great cast nonetheless.  Semi-veterans such as the ever-hilarious Lily Tomlin and the deliriously silly Alan Sues are aided by the now-familiar Ann Elder, Dennis Allen, Barbara Sharma, and roly-poly impressionist Johnny Brown, while the great Gary Owens remains as the show's permanent announcer.

And with the cancellation of "Hogan's Heroes", two of that show's former cast members--Richard Dawson and Larry Hovis--now join the "Laugh-In" gang of regulars.  Dawson in particular takes to the format as to the manor born, cementing his stature as one of TV's leading comics with his dry, improvisatory humor and sense of the absurd.

The format itself remains loose and unpredictable as ever, juggling such familiar features as "Mod World", "Quickies", "Present and Future News" (with kid actor Moosie Drier now supplying "Kids' News" from his treehouse), "Cocktail Party", "Fickle Finger of Fate", and others. As always, the show's main weakness is its tiresome song and dance numbers, which are best fast-forwarded through.

Famous guest stars are aplenty since just about everyone wanted to be on the show.  John Wayne appears several times, along with such stars as Raquel Welch, Rita Hayworth, Debbie Reynolds, Gene Hackman, Johnny Carson, Carol Channing, Bing Crosby, Tony Curtis, Johnny Cash, Edward G. Robinson, Hugh Hefner, Bob Hope, Paul Lynde, Liza Minnelli, Agnes Moorehead, Vincent Price, Carl Reiner, Henny Youngman, and many more.

A special feature of this 24-episode collection is the inclusion of the show's 100th episode.  This sees the return of original cast members Arte Johnson, Judy Carne, Jo Anne Worley, Henry Gibson, and Teresa Graves, as well as the very first "Laugh-In" guest, Tiny Tim.

Rowan and Martin themselves continue in their hilarious comedy tradition with Dan as the perfect straight man and Dick as the perfect fool.  Like the show itself, their comedy is stream-of-consciousness, non-sequitur-based silliness performed by a couple of aging, booze-swilling swingers hitching a ride on the sexual revolution.

If this sounds good to you, or you're already a fan and want more, ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON is the good stuff in undiluted form, and plenty of it.


PROGRAM INFORMATION
Format: DVD/6 Discs
Running Time: 1239 minutes
Genre: TV DVD/Comedy
Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1
Audio: Stereo

ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle