HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

  Originally posted on 6/12/20

 

Poor Gary--just when he achieves every man's fondest fantasy (well, many of us, anyway) of being the only guy stranded in a remote location with a bevy of beautiful babes, he gets bitten by a big, hairy mutant arachnid and becomes one of the HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND (Severin Films, 1960).

These days a film like this German trash classic is usually described as "cheesy", which, admittedly, is rather apt since it's cheap, it's goofy, and it has all the dramatic gravitas of a dime-store sex and horror pulp novel come to sordid life.

It's main qualities are either pros or cons, depending on your point of view. Bad movie fans will love the dumb dialogue and situations, florid performances, and overheated plot that has its over-emoting cast either engaged in steamy sex clinches or running from hairy, fanged monsters through the jungle.  

 
The plane crash scene is especially amusing as it consists of stock footage of a burning plane intercut with random closeups of women screaming comically in front of a black background.

But it also has some nice black-and-white photography which at times is actually quite good, as well as actual outdoor locations and some very attractive actresses portraying the stranded women whose plane went down on its way to a gig in Singapore under the supervision of manly showbiz producer Gary (Alexander D’Arcy, THE AWFUL TRUTH, BLOOD OF DRACULA'S CASTLE) and his partner and romantic interest, Georgia (Helga Franck), a stern woman who isn't above bitch-slapping the more unruly gals when they step out of line.

Chief among these is the lush, plush blonde mega-babe Babs (Barbara Valentine, BERLIN ALEXANDERPLATZ), upon whom many male viewers will remain focused for most of her screen time. Others include the more emotionally vulnerable Gladys, the exhibitionist Linda who strips at the drop of a hat (or anything else), and several other attractive aspiring actresses. 

 
Alpha-blonde Babs and a contentious beta-babe engage in the film's central catfight scene which, in the unedited version, features a guest appearance by Babs' boobs. 

While stranded on the island they stay in the cozy cabin of a scientist whose dead body they discovered hanging in a giant spider web in the livingroom, and whose experiments with uranium created the monster spider that will bite poor Gary and turn him into sort of a clawed were-spider with a face even his mother would run screaming from.

The unfortunate Gary disappears for much of the film when a couple of other studly guys enter the picture in their motorboat and find themselves surrounded by amorous females. 

 
One of them, Bob (Reiner Brandt), is a womanizing letch who acts like a kid in a candy store, while the older, more mature Joe (Temple Foster) finds love with one of the less brazen beauties (during a night of drunken revelry for the rest of the gang which, in the uncut version, is also semi-naked) until their jungle meet-cute is interrupted by the return of slavering party-crasher Gary.

This leads to a lively, fun finale with everyone running around the jungle in terror, alternately chasing after and hightailing it away from their resident human-spider-monster as the film draws to a satisfying close for those brave souls who've actually stayed with it all the way.

Severin Films' Blu-ray edition of the film, "scanned from the Düsseldorf dupe negative", looks great all things considered and is likely the best-looking version of the film currently extant. The disc also contains the alternate U.S. version which is dubbed in English and minus the nudity (released in 1963 as "It's Hot In Paradise" although I've only ever known it under its current title). 

 
Bonus features include the featurette "The History of Spider Island" with film historian Prof. Dr. Marcus Stiglegger, an audio interview with actor Alexander D’Arcy ("Gary") by horror historian David Del Valle, alternate "clothed" scenes from the U.S. version, a trailer, reversible box artwork, and a slipcover with yet more different artwork.

There are two kinds of people in the world--those who will find HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND to be unwatchable, unredeemable trash that they wouldn't touch with ten-foot eyeballs, and those who will savor every single minute of it. I'm a happy member of the second group, and if you are too, then I'll meet you on Spider Island!


Buy it from Severin Films

Special Features:

    Alternate US Release Version: IT’S HOT IN PARADISE
    The History of Spider Island With Prof. Dr. Marcus Stiglegger
    Audio Interview with Actor Alexander D’Arcy by Horror Historian David Del Valle
    Alternate Clothed Scenes
    Trailer
    Revisable Artwork
    Comic Book [WEBSTORE EXCLUSIVE]

 Box art:

Reversible box art:

HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

HOWARD LOVECRAFT AND THE FROZEN KINGDOM -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 9/6/16

 

I've read just enough of legendary horror-fantasy author H.P. Lovecraft's work and seen enough film adaptations of it--which vary wildly in tone, faithfulness, overall quality, and just about everything else--to find the prospect of a CGI-animated adventure starring Lovecraft as a small boy in a dark, monstrous world of his own future imagining to be rather irresistible.

As it turns out, HOWARD LOVECRAFT AND THE FROZEN KINGDOM (2016), based on Arcana's graphic novel of the same name, may not be the greatest CGI cartoon you'll ever see, but it does yield more than sufficient rewards for fans of Gothic horror, particularly if they're either very young or, as in my case, young at heart.   (Not to mention just a tad twisted.)

The richly Gothic atmosphere is thick as molasses from frame one as we visit Lovecraft's boyhood home, which would suit the Addams Family just fine, and then accompany young Howard and his mother to visit his father Winfield Lovecraft at the Arkham-like asylum where he's under the care of a sinister-looking Dr. West (Christopher Plummer, BARRYMORE). 

It's here that the crazed Winfield first tells Howard of dark kingdoms and mystical runes and evil creatures, among other scary things, which the boy will later experience firsthand after his mother gives him Winfield's journal to read before bed. 

As this book happens to be volume one of the Necronomicon itself, Howard inadvertently opens up a portal to another dimension in which he finds himself wandering through a vast frozen land, beset by all manner of surreal and sometimes hostile creatures as he tries to find his way back home. 

This quest resembles a cross between "The Wizard of Oz" and a Tim Burton rarebit dream as Howard first encounters a huge and initially hostile tentacled beast with wings who calls himself Thu Thu Hmong (Howard simplifies this to "Spot") with whom he becomes fast friends, and then spends a charming evening in the home of four winsome squid-kid orphans who share a nice cold meal that tastes best when it's squirming.

 

He and Spot then make their way to the castle of Her Highness Algid Bunk (original "Saturday Night Live" castmember Jane Curtin) and her spectral companion Nyarlathotep (Doug Bradley, HELLRAISER, SCREAM PARK) to ask for help. 

The boy is instructed to first journey to a remote mountain cave to recover another volume of the Necronomicon from the dreaded Shoggoth (Ron Perlman, HELLBOY, MUTANT CHRONICLES), one of author Lovecraft's more fearsome creations, so that the icy curse upon her kingdom can be lifted. 

This leads to the film's big finale, a thrilling free-for-all battle between good and evil with Howard and his friends beset by night-gaunts, govlins, and other Lovecraft creatures--including an appearance by none other than Cthulu himself--which is excitingly staged within Algid's lofty palace by writer-director Sean Patrick O'Reilly (PIXIES), who has ardently worked as much fan-pleasing Lovecraftian arcana into the script as possible.

The character renderings and animation are very well done (like a Viewmaster reel come to life) and the settings intensely atmospheric.  The script, for the most part, manages to maintain just the right balance between kid-friendly spook stuff and elements that are pretty much as dark and morbid as one might expect this material to get. 

The 2-disc set from Shout! Factory (which features a lovely reversible cover insert) includes both the Blu-ray and DVD discs along with a code for downloading a digital copy. The feature is in 1.78:1 widescreen with 5.1 audio and stereo, and English subtitles.  Extras include a substantial behind-the-scenes featurette, a trailer, and a chatty, informative director's commentary that I found quite enjoyable.

I'm not sure how well the average dyed-in-the-wool Lovecraft purist will receive HOWARD LOVECRAFT AND THE FROZEN KINGDOM but I can't imagine anyone with an inner "Monster Kid" not getting a kick out of it.  One thing's for sure--any day you watch it will feel like Halloween.

HOWARD LOVECRAFT AND THE FROZEN KINGDOM -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

All The Colossal Beast Scenes In "War Of The Colossal Beast" (1958) (video)

Joyce Manning (Sally Fraser) searches for her brother, Glenn...

...who has been transformed by radiation into a giant monster.

The film was produced and directed by Bert I. Gordon.
Gordon specialized in sci-fi thrillers featuring giant people and animals.

Some of his other films include "Attack of the Puppet People"...
..."Village of the Giants", "The Spider", and "Food of the Gods."

This film is a follow-up to "The Amazing Colossal Man" (1957)...
...in which Glenn Manning was played by Glenn Langan.

Langan was replaced by Dean Parkin for this sequel.
Parkin played a similar monster in Gordon's 1957 film "The Cyclops."

The film's finale takes place at Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles...
...which was featured three years earlier in "Rebel Without A Cause."

Sally Fraser can also be seen in "It Conquered the World"...
..."The Spider", "North By Northwest", and "Elmer Gantry."
Her television credits are extensive. She died in January 2019.

The final sequence of the film is in color.

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

All The Colossal Beast Scenes In "War Of The Colossal Beast" (1958) (video)

HALLOWEEN (35TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION) [BLU-RAY] -- Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 9/23/13

 

Back in '78, a buddy and I went to see "Halloween" in its heyday.  I remember sitting in the middle of a giddy audience that was wound tight with collective tension, not knowing what would happen next and jumping every time something did.  It was the kind of shared experience that can make going to the movies a pleasure.  And  it was scary, too.  REALLY scary. 

Anchor Bay's new 35th anniversary Blu-ray edition of HALLOWEEN lets us relive that experience, or at least see the film in its original pristine condition just like back in the olden days when it was the next big thing in screen horror.  I'm sure some sharp-eyed Blu-Ray experts will detect various imperfections in the picture and/or sound quality of this new disc, but I used to record VHS tapes on SLP so I'm not all that nitpicky about such things.  Anyway, it looks great to me.

What impresses me most about rewatching the film now is how good it looks for such a low-budget independent effort.  Some reasons for this are the steadiness and freedom of movement that the new Panaglide camera gives cinematographer Dean Cundey--the camera becomes a part of the action in a way rarely seen before, as in the famous extended opening shot--in addition to beautifully-lit night exteriors in which the suburban houses and windblown trees have a ghostly look that manages to capture the way "nighttime" looked to me as a kid. 

But the main reason, of course, is the fact that the young John Carpenter was such a talented filmmaker.  "Halloween" is beautifully and imaginatively directed from start to finish,  filled with both dialogue and action scenes that are designed with economy and efficiency, but with a consistently eye-pleasing aesthetic. 

Carpenter's style isn't always slick (it never really would be, not completely) due to the fact that almost everything he's done has the air of an independent, homegrown effort without Hollywood's handprints all over it.  The story--babysitters menaced by an escaped psycho-killer--is as old and derivative as campfire tales, yet he and partner Debra Hill seem to be brimming with creativity in all other areas of the production.

Since the slasher-stalker film as a genre unto itself was just beginning to take off, there's both a newness and a disarming sort of immaturity to "Halloween" (including some dumb dialogue and awkward acting) that works in its favor.   At times it resembles a likable student film transcending itself thanks to its imaginative direction and sharp editing and cinematography, and hitting on just the right subject matter at just the right time and in just the right way.

Interestingly, there's almost no gore whatsoever, and the violence is hardly stronger than what Hitchcock subjected us to in "Psycho" eighteen years earlier.   Where other slasher flicks such as "Friday the 13th" would simply prolong the lead-up to each kill in tedious ways and then rely on graphic gore as a payoff, Carpenter is able to build and sustain actual old-fashioned suspense (along with audience empathy for his characters rather than merely the desire to see them die) of a kind that is much more effective and fear-inducing. 

Indeed,  the "kill" scenes here are almost cursory, coming after long periods of teasing buildup with a deceptively lighthearted air.   Annie (Nancy Loomis), whom shy Laurie admires for being so "with it", is secretly a klutz, while sexy Lynda (cult fave P.J. Soles of "Carrie" and "Rock 'n' Roll High School" fame) is a comical airhead.  Their deaths are shocking, but hardly the sort of gratuitous, makeup-effects-heavy moments that would come to define the genre.  Just as the almost childlike Michael Myers enjoys toying with his victims, director Carpenter would rather play around with an audience's expectations than bombard them with graphic violence.

It isn't until Laurie (appealing newcomer Jamie Lee Curtis) enters the house in which Annie, Lynda, and Lynda's goofy boyfriend Bob have been killed by "boogeyman" Michael that the film really kicks into high gear, with Carpenter pulling out all the stops to generate nerve-wracking suspense.  Curtis, while not yet a polished actress, really sells it too, screaming and fleeing in panic with the inexorable and seemingly indestructible Michael always a few steps behind her. 

Their classic showdown in a darkened house is the blueprint for many lesser films to come, especially when the apparently-dead Michael, like the Energizer Bunny, keeps coming back to menace the frazzled Laurie anew.  ("Child's Play" villain Chucky would later attain new heights of unkillability.)  Film  veteran Donald Pleasance ("The Great Escape",  "You Only Live Twice") adds his talent and stature to the proceedings as Dr. Loomis, a frantic psychiatrist bent on capturing or killing the escaped lunatic before he can unleash his evil on the world.  He arrives just in time to save the day--or does he?  At the film's blackout ending,  Carpenter's famous percussive musical score will leave you wondering. 

Anchor Bay's special 35th anniversary Blu-Ray edition of "Halloween" comes in a cool Digibook cover with new artwork and a colorfully illustrated making-of booklet.  The film is in 2.35:1 widescreen with Dolby sound (7.1 and original mono) and subtitles in English and Spanish.  In addition to the usual "TV-version" extra footage (which I consider pretty dispensable),  trailers, and TV/ radio spots, there are two  featurettes--"On Location: 25 Years Later" and the all-new "The Night SHE Came Home."  The latter, which runs for a full hour, is a delightful look at Jamie Lee Curtis' only convention appearance (for charity) and how diligently she worked to make the experience a special one for each and every fan.

My favorite bonus feature, though, is the new commentary track featuring Carpenter and Curtis during a relaxed, chatty viewing of the film.  Carpenter, for the most part, yields the floor to his star, who gushes non-stop about it after not having seen it for several years.  While not fond of horror films in general, she's still this particular one's most  enthusiastic fan and, with sometimes surprising perception, explains in detail why each scene is so noteworthy and well-done.  Listening to Jamie Lee talk about HALLOWEEN has given me a renewed appreciation for it, one which enhances each viewing of John Carpenter's timeless horror classic as much as this new HD transfer itself.

HALLOWEEN (35TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION) [BLU-RAY] -- Review by Porfle

SPOOKLEY THE SQUARE PUMPKIN -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/19/17
 

 

It's funny how computer-animated cartoons that would've amazed people and won technical awards back in the 80s have become such an everyday thing now.  Still, I sometimes get a kick out of seeing one of these CGI cartoons with the colorful 3D-ish characters and elaborate backgrounds that remind me of moving Viewmaster reels.  And if the story is engaging enough, all the better.

Disney Junior's SPOOKLEY THE SQUARE PUMPKIN (Cinedigm) meets those criteria well enough for a TV production, at least for me anyway.  The characters are expressive and likable, the settings eye-pleasing, the songs enjoyable, and the story by children's book author Joe Troiano is sweet, simple, and comfortingly predictable.

It all begins when a square pumpkin is discovered in the pumpkin patch of Holiday Hill Farm.  This causes grave unrest among the more intolerant in the garden, embodied by a George-and-Lenny pair of pumpkins ("Big Tom" and "Litte Tom") joined by a weirdly umbilical-like vine and very vocal against any pumpkin who isn't properly round as they are. 

These bullies and their bigotry against anyone different from themselves form the basis for the story's lesson on acceptance, which, thankfully, doesn't pile-drive us quite as much as one might suspect. 

In fact, most of the characters, including friendly scarecrow Jack (the patch's amiable leader), brother and sister bats Boris and Bella (Boris craves bugs while Bella admonishes him for wanting to devour their sentient friends), spiders Edgar, Allan, and Poe ("With an 'E'!"), and vain beauty-queen pumpkin Bobo, are actually more-or-less pretty decent toward Spookley.

Square peg Spookley remains insecure even when his comical spider friends persuade him to enter Jack's "Jack-A-Lympics" competition to decide the Pick of the Patch (mainly so they can get their hands on the candy corn crown). 

Naturally, his unusual shape dooms his chances in each round, inviting a fair amount of thoughtless ridicule from the others.  It isn't until a raging storm hits the farm and everyone comes frighteningly close to a bad end that the little square pumpkin's shape enables him to rescue everyone.

As I said, it's all comfortingly predictable.  I must confess to not knowing just how kids these days react to this kind of stuff--I would've been entranced by it, and even now find it pleasantly watchable.   

The characters are pretty funny, and the frequent song-and-dance numbers--some with backup by Pointer Sisters-like trio "The Honey-Doos" and even a few musical ghosts--not only entertain with their clever lyrics and bouncy choreography but also come and go without outstaying their welcome. 

The 2-disc Blu-ray/DVD combo from Cinedigm is in standard television format with English, Spanish, and French 2.0 soundtracks and English SDH subtitles.  Extras consist of five (non-HD) video storybooks, each based on a Joe Troiano book and lasting about five minutes: The Legend of Spookley the Square Pumpkin, The Legend of Beacon the Bright Little Firefly, The Legend of JellyBean and the Unbreakable Egg, The Legend of Lyla the Lovesick Ladybug, and The Legend of Mistletoe and the Christmas Kittens. 

The first of these, "The Legend of Spookley the Square Pumpkin", is read by none other than Bobby "Boris" Pickett of "Monster Mash" fame.  Pickett also sings the main feature's "Monster Mash"-like end titles song, "The Transylvania Twist."

SPOOKLEY THE SQUARE PUMPKIN is ideal small-scale fun for (say it with me) "kids of all ages."  The little ones won't suspect they're being taught a lesson about tolerance even as Spookley's ultimately heartwarming tale leaves them with a Jack o' Lantern smile.

SPOOKLEY THE SQUARE PUMPKIN -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle