I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS?: T-shirts That Appeared Uncensored on MTV’s Jersey Shore Premiere by Jessica Friedman

Last night, MTV premiered a show entitled “Jersey Shore” that featured eight Italian people sharing a house in a Real-World style set-up at the Jersey Shore (or “the Shore,” as we say in Philadelphia). While I enjoyed many elements of the trashtastic program (the characters and their clothing choices, the duck phone (I want one!), and the hilarious one-liners of the self-proclaimed “guidos” and “guidettes”), I became fascinated by the multitude of trashy and downright vulgar t-shirts that were frequently shown while the cast was working at a typical Jersey shore shop. Trust me, I know these sorts of stores, and have seen many shirts (and butt shorts!) just like the ones depicted while on vacation in Wildwood and Ocean City. However, I was completely shocked that MTV was barely blurring out any of the shirts listed below.

Here is but a sampling of the clothing available at this particular shop at the Jersey Shore (WARNING: NSFW language below—it is trashy Jersey humor after all):

Adult t-shirts-

-I shaved my balls for this?

(Apparently, this is quite the popular t-shirt. However, the mugshot photo above of some guy wearing the shirt clearly demonstrates that shaving your balls does not lead to a get out of jail free card!)

-I’m huge in Japan!

-I look like a movie star

I party like a rock star

and I do it like a porn star

-Help Wanted

Many Positions Available

Start right away! *image of random sexual positions*

-SWALLOW

or its going in your eye(s?)

-If you see da’ police

Warn a Brother *WB Logo*

-New Jersey

The Garden State *image of marijuana leaf*

-Getting’ Dirty in Jersey

-New Jersey is for Dirty Sluts!

-You have plenty of change

you homeless piece of shit

Thanks for asking

-Made in Jersey from Italian Parts *image of Italy*

-Let’s flip a coin

heads I get tail

tails I get head

-He’s hung like a hamster

-An ERECTION is a terrible thing to waste

-If your tits were as big as your ass I might be impressed

-Hopeless Romantic seeks filthy whore

-I’m no gynecologist but I’ll take a look

-New Jersey Don’t worry we hate you too!

-Jersey girls don’t pump gas!

-I support Single Moms *image of a stripper*

-You’d be a lot hotter with a paper bag over your head

-M*I*L*F Hunter

-The Real Shocker *image of fist*

-He loves the cock

-Will buy drink for pussy (blurred out in some shots)

-Everything’s DIRTIER in Jersey

-Go Get Your Fuckin’ Shinebox

-The “Shocker” *image of hand gesture*

-New Jersey We don’t pump our gas, we pump our fists

Children’s/Baby shirts (yes, these do exist for kids):

-Take me to the titty bar

-Playground PIMP

-I’m hung like a 5 year old

-I’m the product of a one night stand

-Bitch better have my bottle

-My mom puts out

-Nice tits

I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS?: T-shirts That Appeared Uncensored on MTV’s Jersey Shore Premiere by Jessica Friedman

42nd St Pete Reviews Crap That Makes Him Want To Rip His Eyes Out: 100 Million BC, Feast 2, and Hell Ride

Some Reviews on some current stuff that is just a waste of electricity

100 Million BC 2008 Asylum Home Entertainment Starring Michael Gross, Greg Evigan, & Christopher Atkins. Directed by Louie Myman

Time travel epic with an elite team sent back in time to retrieve another team that was sent back in the 40’s . Premise is good, but the bad CG stuff kills it. Raptors attack and kill most of the rescue team. The T-Rex is red and Michael Gross looks pretty gross with his balding head covered with liver spots. Guess the budget didn’t allow for make up.

The 40’s women have 2000 style enhanced boobage, the CG stuff sucks and nobody noticed a bright red T-Rex roaming around LA at night. Christopher Atkins seems to be a fixture in these crappy films as of late.





Hell Ride 2008 from Dimension Extreme Starring David Carradine, Dennis Hopper, Larry Bishop & Vinnie Jones. Directed by Larry Bishop. Presented by Quentin Tarentino.

OK, in the Grindhouse scheme of things, biker films were low on the Richter scale. Most weren’t that good and if someone was going to write a book on that genre , it would be about 50 pages. The good ones were The Wild One, The Wild Angels, The Losers , Hells Angels ‘69 & Stone Cold. The rest pretty much sucked.

So now we get another QT presents 90 minutes worth of BS. A threadbare plot, a treasure that we never see, throat slashings, immolation's, sluts, shooting, and no freaking plot to go with them. This played for two whole days in my area before it was yanked because no one gave a shit. You would think with all the money Grindhouse lost that someone would reign QT in a bit. Hopper & Carradine seem to be there for name value as Carradine dies rather quickly. Total waste in my estimation.






Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds Starring Jenny Wade, Clu Gulager, & Diane Ayala Goldner. Directed by John Gulager. From Dimension Extreme.

I did have high hopes for this as I really liked the first one. Now this is being billed as a new “classic” horror series. Someone better look up the definition of classic because this isn’t it. Two survivors from # 1, the Bartender & Honey Pie are now holding off the CG monsters in a small town with an all girl biker gang, two midget wrestlers, and some other disposable characters. This plays out like a video game and that seems to be it’s target audience.

Some of it is funny, most of it sucks, especially the “autopsy” scene were people puke, get slimed, and get ejaculated upon. Yeah, you read right, the dead monster’s Ron Jeremy like wazoo winds up all over the cast. I could read into something here, but I won’t .Highlights are a baby getting eaten, a monster screw a cat, Clu beating the shit out of Honey Pie for running off in the first film, a dissolving old lady, and more slimy, pukey, fluids than an Annie Sprinkle porn film.

Obviously this film has an audience, but I’m not in it.

42nd St Pete Reviews Crap That Makes Him Want To Rip His Eyes Out: 100 Million BC, Feast 2, and Hell Ride

Throw Some D's on that Bitch: Dragon Wars opens today!

I'm seeing this and I know Derek is also this weekend so you'll have to wait for our formal reviews to appear during the first HKCFN podcast. However, if you like crap and I mean really like crap, this film should be a great time based on everything I've read. Can it surpass A Sound of Thunder and Bloodrayne? Only time will tell. In all fairness Jess and I were the ONLY people to see ASOT in a large King of Prussia multiplex theater, so its going to be tough for Dragon Wars to beat that experience. Still only time will!


http://www.dreadcentral.com/index.php?name=Reviews&req=showcontent&id=1619

Throw Some D's on that Bitch: Dragon Wars opens today!