Dual Roles in George Romero's "Night Of The Living Dead" (1968) (video)

After entering the abandoned farmhouse, Barbra discovers...

...a horribly mutilated dead body upstairs.
Ben later drags the body into a back bedroom. But who plays the corpse?

Answer: it's Kyra Schon, who's also Harry and Helen Cooper's ailing daughter, Karen.

Later, a female ghoul plucks an insect from a tree and eats it.
She's played by Marilyn Eastman, who is also...

...Karen's mother, Helen Cooper.

Those Coopers really get around, don't they?

Originally posted on 12/3/18

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Dual Roles in George Romero's "Night Of The Living Dead" (1968) (video)

Near-Identical Scenes In "The Killer Shrews" (1959) and "Night of the Living Dead" (1968)(video)

"The Killer Shrews" (1959) has certain elements that showed up again later in "The Birds" (1963) and "Night of the Living Dead" (1968).

The latter film in particular features a scene that's almost a replay of one from "The Killer Shrews", right down to the music.

In "Night of the Living Dead", the scene ends with Ben (Duane Jones) saying: "I ought to drag you out there and feed you to those things!"

In "The Killer Shrews", Thorn (James Best) doesn't just say it--he almost does it!


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Near-Identical Scenes In "The Killer Shrews" (1959) and "Night of the Living Dead" (1968)(video)

Porfle's Trivia Quiz: "NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD" (1968) (video)

George Romero's ground-breaking horror epic...

...of reanimated corpses feasting on the flesh of the living...

...remains one of the most horrifying films ever made.

But how much do you remember about it?


Question: Barbara says the day the time changes should be the first day of...?

A. Spring
B. Summer
C. Autumn
D. Winter
E. August

Question: The first person Barbara encounters in the farmhouse is...?

A. Harry
B. Ben
C. Judy
D. Tom
E. Helen

Question: Tom fumbles their escape attempt by doing what?

A. Forgetting the rifle
B. Running over Ben
C. Shooting out a truck tire
D. Driving into a tree
E. Setting fire to the truck

Question: The police chief says of the ghouls, "Well, they're dead--they're... " What?

A. "Beyond our help"
B. "All messed up"
C. "Out to lunch"
D. "Good for nothing"
E. "Dumb as a doorknob"

Question: Who kills Helen Cooper?

A. Her husband
B. Her daughter
C. The cemetery ghoul
D. Johnny
E. Ben

Question: What happens to Ben?

A. Escapes to a rescue station
B. Survives the night, then joins posse
C. Survives the night, is then killed by posse
D. Killed trying to save Barbara
E. Shot by Harry Cooper


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Porfle's Trivia Quiz: "NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD" (1968) (video)

CARNIVOROUS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/8/09

 

A little boy named Alan Cade steals a magic "Kulev" stick from an old Cajun witch doctor, pops a crayon in one end, and draws a picture of a giant alligator-headed snake monster killing his abusive stepdad. Voila--one giant alligator-headed snake monster comin' up, and before you know it, bad stepdad is toast.

CARNIVOROUS, aka "Lockjaw: Rise of the Kulev Serpent" (2008), then whisks us ahead several years to find grown-up Alan (Louis Herthum) blissfully married to his childhood sweetheart Becky. But when a truckload of pesky teenagers on their way to a secluded cabin for the weekend run over Alan's beloved without even looking back to see what that "thump" was, a heartbroken Alan whips out the old magic stick again and starts drawing. In no time, the teens start getting dragged one by one into the sugar cane field surrounding their cabin by a big, mean you-know-what.

I tend to lower my expectations when it comes to low-budget horror flicks, so I'm often pleasantly surprised when they turn out to be pretty good. Unfortunately, the only way to not be disappointed by this totally blah film is to expect not to be entertained in any way, shape, or form. Aside from Alan and Becky, the characters are doggedly uninteresting and painfully unlikable, which is only made worse by some really bad performances. 

Even standard good girl Sam (Lauren Fain) and standard sensitive guy Kelly (Wes Brown) are annoying stiffs whom we would dearly love to see get eaten alive. Their moronic party-hearty cohorts are even worse, although slutty blonde Ashley (Victoria Vodar) tends to strip down to her red satin undies a lot and has an endearing snort when she laughs.

The film looks kind of like an episode of "Friday the 13th: The Series" only not as good or anywhere near as exciting. Amir Valinia's bland direction and a groan-filled script don't help much. The kill scenes are few and far between, and generate zero suspense. A couple of them, however, are amusing--one guy gets skewered while mounting his horny girlfriend, with the tip of the creature's wiggling tail sticking out of his chest. He deserves it. 

Another character gets summarily decapitated by said tail at such an odd moment that it isn't scary or shocking, but just sorta unexpectedly funny. As for the creature itself, it's passable, and certainly isn't the worst CGI I've ever seen in a low-budget flick. With more imaginative direction the creature scenes might've been somewhat exciting, but as it is they have little effect at all.

Rapper DMX, who's billed over the title, makes a halfhearted appearance toward the end. He's the grown-up son of the old Cajun from whom Alan stole the magic stick way back when, and now he's the only hope our heroes have of destroying the monster. I seem to remember DMX doing okay in EXIT WOUNDS alongside Steven Seagal, but here he barely registers. He's also one of the executive producers, which makes me wonder why he can't find something better than this to get involved with.

Bad horror flicks can be fun to watch if they aren't totally boring and you can laugh at them. It also helps if the filmmakers were obviously trying to make a good movie and failed in an entertaining way. Unfortunately, none of these conditions apply to CARNIVOROUS. In a word, it's simply--indigestible.

 

CARNIVOROUS -- DVD Review by Porfle

My Favorite Small Moments From Various Movies (video)

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. 

Thanks for watching! 

My Favorite Small Moments From Various Movies (video)

BREAKER! BREAKER! -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 3/11/16

 

I wouldn't have been caught dead going to a redneck trucker flick in 1977.  Or even renting it or watching it on HBO in 1988.  Especially if it had anything to do with CB radios, which I regarded with utter disdain.  Not only did I not see movies like CONVOY back in the day, but the C.W. McCall song itself made my soul hurt.

But that was then.  Now, in retrospect, I can enjoy a low-rent indy truck opera like Chuck Norris' BREAKER! BREAKER! (1977) as I bask in its retro-retro charm.  In fact, this simple little tale of good guys vs. bad guys and righteousness against injustice is such utterly unassuming and straightforward fun that its purity is practically bracing.

In only his first starring role, Chuck is hardly the fabled Superman he would later become although he can already spin-kick his share of butt.  Here, with his youth and lack of facial hair making him look a bit unformed, he's an easygoing truck driver who'd rather mind his own business than have to prove how tough he is.

 
But prove it he must when his younger brother, Billy, gets detoured through the small town of Texas City, California during his very first trucker run and finds out its one of those places where everyone is dishonest, especially the scummy police and the man who runs everything as mayor, judge, and whatever else he wants to be at any particular time--namely, the loathesome Judge Joshua Trimmings. 

The Judge is played by familiar character actor George Murdock (EARTHQUAKE, ANY WHICH WAY YOU CAN), who was born to play a smalltown tyrant in a baggy off-white suit.  (Not to mention God in STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER.)  He convicts our hapless Billy of various cooked up crimes and sentences him to pay up or go to jail. 

Billy balks, gets beaten up, and disappears.  Cue big brother Chuck coming to town to rescue him and you've pretty much got the rest of the plot figured out.

The big rig angle actually comes into play only at the very beginning of the film and again for its finale, with most of the running time consisting of Chuck dealing with the local yokels (this is one of those Southern-like towns that seems to have been plunked right down in the middle of California) who are all either shining him on or trying to kill him.

Chuck, needless to say, handles himself capably but does so with a minimum of fancy fight choreography, making do with a well-placed spin-kick here and there in addition to some good old-fashioned fisticuffs.

Even the big fight at the end is kept fairly simple, save for lots of slow-motion a la "The Six Million Dollar Man." The mayhem tends to be on the lighter side, too, with nary a fractured limb or geyser of blood spewing from someone's mouth after a crushing blow.

Murdock, naturally, takes home the acting honors, while ERASERHEAD's Jack Nance gets to overact as a manic redneck trucker.  As for Chuck, his skills are pretty basic here--in one scene, it looks as though director Don Hulette filmed closeups of him expressing various emotions so that he could simply insert them wherever needed.  Of course, it's not like we really watch Chuck Norris movies for the acting.

As Arlene, a local woman and single mother who sides with Chuck against the town's corruption and becomes his romantic interest, Terry O'Connor is an appealing presence.  Their romance is quick and virtually without dialogue, with a brief, sappy ballad and a montage of them strolling around in the woods for a minute sufficing to encapsulate their courtship. 

The Blu-ray from Olive Films is in widescreen with Dolby 2.0 sound.  No subtitles.  The sole extra is the film's trailer.

With all of Chuck's trucker friends converging on the town for what might be called a "smashing" finale, BREAKER! BREAKER! finally breaks a sweat after pleasantly coasting along like a big rig on a downward grade for an hour-and-a-half.  It's hardly a blockbuster action thriller, but if you love the 70s, then movies like this are probably one of the reasons why.


Release date: March 22, 2016

Pictures shown are not taken from the Blu-ray

BREAKER! BREAKER! -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Porfle Admits: "I Was Christopher Walken's Personal Chef" (short story)

 

(I wrote this short story way back in 2008. While entirely fictional, I like to think that it could have happened, or perhaps even should have happened.)

 


Back when I was Christopher Walken's personal chef, I never knew what random horrors each day would bring. I remember one day in particular, in which Mr. Walken sat in his darkened study, lost in one of his strange, pensive moods. He summoned me just as the grandfather clock in the drafty hallway struck noon.




I stood there, awaiting his orders, for quite a long time. He sat in a large leather-bound chair, hands pressed together under his chin, as though pondering his options with grave consideration. Finally, in his familiar low, halting voice, he spoke.



"I would like...the Buggles," he said. "For lunch."



"The Buggles?" I repeated, not sure I'd understood. "You mean, the 80s 'new wave' musical duo?"



"Yes, exactly," he said, relieved that I was familiar with them. A slight smile played upon his lips as he nodded, relishing some mental image that I daren't even imagine.



I wasn't sure what to say. Where the hell had this idea come from? "The Buggles broke up a long time ago," I informed him. "They're, uh, not a duo anymore."



"Then..." he said thoughtfully, "you could get...the ingredients for the Buggles...and make some new ones."



I thought about this seemingly nonsensical request for a moment, when suddenly the horrifying truth dawned on me. By "ingredients", he meant that he wanted me to kidnap Trevor Horn and Geoffrey Downes, the original members of the Buggles, and cook them for lunch. His lunch.



"I can't do that," I said firmly. "I...I won't do that. They're human beings, not just 'ingredients' for some ghastly lunch for you." I cringed, waiting for him to explode in a fit of anger, or at least send me packing.



"Oh," he said softly, as though my words had actually made some kind of sense to him. "Okay. Well, then...I'm not sure what other...lunch options...are available to me. Let's go into the kitchen and...explore them. Shall we?" He rose from his chair and waited for me to lead him into the kitchen, since he had no idea where it was. So I did.



When we got there, he gazed around in silent wonder at all the utensils and appliances. Finally, he spoke. "Where do you keep...the people?" he asked, gesturing with his hands.



"The people? What people?" I inquired, baffled.



"The people that you cook," he explained. "Where...do you store them before preparing them...for my meals?" He asked this as though it were the most normal thing in the world.



Forcing back a retching wave of hot bile, I contained my revulsion long enough to respond. "I don't cook people!" I exclaimed. "I cook food! FOOD! Nobody cooks PEOPLE! That's HORRIBLE!"



He looked at me with a sort of serene puzzlement for a moment, then shrugged. He noticed something on the counter. "What is that?"



"That," I said, grateful for the change of subject, "is a sandwich that I made for my own lunch."



"Ah," he said, amazed. "A...sandwich. Could you make one of those...for me?"



"Sure," I said, relieved. "What kind of sandwich would you like?



"Are there...different kinds?"



"Oh, yes," I said. "You can put whatever you want in a sandwich. Any kind of meat, in addition to things like tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, pickles--"



"Make me," he said with growing excitement, "a Buggles sandwich."



I slapped my forehead. "No...no, you don't understand," I said, exasperated. "You can't--"



"With some of that pickles and...er, cheese things that you indicated," he added. "And I...I really am hungry today, so...make me two of these Buggles sandwiches. Each of them containing half...of each separate Buggle. With cheese." He took a deep breath and stood back with his mouth open, eagerly waiting for me to confirm my understanding of his instructions.



"Look, Mr. Walken," I said, finally tiring of this charade and spelling it out for him, slowly and plainly. "I cannot and WILL not cook people for you to eat for lunch, or for any other meal. You're asking me to commit MURDER, for heaven's sake...so that YOU can indulge in cannibalism, one of the most utterly HEINOUS acts a person can commit. Why, the very notion of this fills me with an inutterable HORROR which I can scant express with mere words!" I leaned wearily against the counter, drained by my emotional turmoil.



He thought about this for a long time, then held up his index finger and began to speak. "Are you...trying to tell me..." he said slowly, a look of concern on his face, "that we...are out of cheese?"



"NO!" I screamed. "WE'RE OUT OF BUGGLES! YOU'LL HAVE TO EAT SOMETHING ELSE!"



"Ah," he nodded, appearing to understand me at last. I waited anxiously, fearfully, for his next words. He extended his arm so that his sleeve would retract and reveal his wristwatch. He looked at it, furrowing his brow. "It's five minutes after twelve," he announced. "Is my lunch ready yet?"



"No," I said. "You told me you wanted the Buggles for lunch, and I told you I could not and would not kidnap and cook them for you. Therefore, you have yet to present me with a viable alternative meal to prepare for you."



"I understand," he affirmed. "Well, then," he said breezily, "I'll just invite some friends over for lunch, and you can cook some of them." He pulled an address book out of his pocket, went over to the phone, and began calling people while I simply stared at him in disbelief. Thirty minutes later, the livingroom was filled with guests milling around drinking cocktails.



"There's Meryl Streep," he said to me in a low voice, pointing. "I'd like some spaghetti and Streep balls as an appetizer. And over there," he added, indicating a gentleman standing next to the Picasso, "is Dennis Hopper. As an entree, I'd like some thick, juicy Dennis Hopper steaks. Ribeyes, of course."



"Of course," I said wearily.



"And to snack on...umm, who's left...oh, just do something fun with Steven Spielberg. Maybe a sort of festive meatloaf. Or some jerky. But you'd better hurry, because he never stays long."



"So...I just slaughter them now?" I asked.



"Yes, yes, just slaughter them now," he urged. "I'm famished."



Steeling myself, I clutched the meat cleaver and began to inch forward. Suddenly a wave of hysteria swept through me and I screamed at the top of my lungs: "NO! NO! I WON'T DO IT! I WON'T SLAUGHTER AND COOK HOLLYWOOD'S ELITE FOR YOUR LUNCH!"



With that, I flung the meat cleaver aside and ran shrieking from the room. On my way out, I could hear Mr. Walken explain to his guests, "Well, you just can't get good help these days."



Later, he found me hiding in the kitchen, trembling. He noticed my sandwich sitting uneaten on the counter. "Are you...going to eat that?" he asked.



"No, you can have it," I said in a quavering voice. "I couldn't bear to eat anything right now."



He picked up half of the sandwich and took a bite. "Mmm, this is very good," he appraised. "Who is it?"



It was Underwood Chicken Spread, but I lied. "It's Tom Cruise. I got a good deal on the cast of TOP GUN at the meat market."



And so, for the next several weeks, I gave Christopher Walken chicken spread sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and told him that we were working our way through the entire cast of TOP GUN. When that was over, I switched to deviled ham and told him we were starting in on PULP FICTION. This eventually presented a problem, since I'd forgotten that he was in it. So one day, two weeks into PULP FICTION, he asked, "When do I get to eat me for lunch?" Thinking fast, I opened up a can of Spam and pointed at it. "This is you," I said. "Oh...I look good," he drooled.

Porfle Admits: "I Was Christopher Walken's Personal Chef" (short story)

FADE TO BLACK -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/25/10

 

Oliver Parker's FADE TO BLACK (2006) has been described as "a movie lover's movie."  Or, more specifically, an old movie lover's movie, since you have to be reasonably familiar with early 20th century cinema in order to really appreciate it.  First off, you have to know who Orson Welles was.  Which, unfortunately, leaves out a large percentage of the current moviegoing public.

For the rest of us, the fact that Danny Huston is portraying a young Welles in an apocryphal tale of post-war intrigue and murder during a film shoot in Rome is a pretty enticing lure.  All that's needed is for Huston to give us a convincing portrayal of Welles, and for writer-director Oliver Parker to deliver a story that takes full advantage of its potential.  Which, more or less, is what they did.

Having just split from his beautiful actress-wife Rita Hayworth and finding his career in a bit of a slump, Welles arrives in a politically-volatile Rome in 1948 to star as Cagliostro in a Dumas adaptation called "Black Magic", while also trying to get a film version of "Othello" off the ground (at least this much is true).  It's fun watching Welles try to insinuate his directorial influence into the not-so-great production which clearly seems beneath him, while getting a vicarious look at the inside workings of the famous Cinecitti studios. 

During a take, the company is shocked when a costumed extra named Dellere (Frano Lasic), whom Welles has met previously, staggers into the frame and dies after whispering a single word: "Nero."  The police deem it a drug overdose, but a dubious Welles starts delving into the mystery himself, with the help of his young Italian bodyguard Tommaso (Diego Luna).  Tommaso, an ex-cop, leads Welles into a dark world of political intrigue and danger where shady government officials and crime bosses such as "Lucky" Luciano threaten the overly-inquisitive thespian with death or, even worse, professional disgrace.


The tangled plot is pretty easy to follow if you just ignore most of it.  What's really interesting is the idea of lanky, ego-driven sophisticate Welles weaving his way through all this cloak-and-dagger stuff like a character from one of his own movies.  It takes a while to become accustomed to Danny Huston in the role--he looks the part, but you miss that familiar voice.  Huston, in fact, sounds more like his father, legendary filmmaker John Huston, than the bass-toned Welles.  But he gives it his best shot, and it eventually becomes less of an effort to accept him in the role. 

I like the humorous touches such as Welles' frustration with playing second fiddle to his ex-wife in the public eye (reporters keep calling him "Mr. Hayworth"), and a throwaway shot of the slender Welles eagerly stuffing himself with delicious Italian food in an open-air restaurant (we all know where that's going to go).  Huston acquits himself convincingly in the more dramatic scenes, whether romancing a reluctant Italian actress named Lea Padovani (Paz Vega), whom he discovers is linked directly to the murder of Dellere, or venturing into perilous situations where he doesn't belong and then having to sweat his way out of them. 

Interestingly, director Parker, who helmed 2007's I REALLY HATE MY JOB (which I really hated), makes little attempt to imitate any kind of late-40s filmmaking style.  Although the rich colors and noirish lighting are evocative of the era, the look of FADE TO BLACK is a somewhat mismatched combination of formal style and hand-held naturalism which I could never totally settle into.  This isn't a big problem, though, and the modern-looking photography makes the "Black Magic" rushes and silent-movie clips that we see (which are very well-done) look more convincing by contrast.  Some of Parker's quirky editing choices, while not always successful, are interesting as well.


As the likable Tommaso, Diego Luna (MILK) ably conveys the inner conflict that motivates his character to overcome his fears and plunge into political turmoil, while his loyalty to the impetuous Welles draws him into even deeper peril.  Paz Vega (SPANGLISH) is okay as Lea, although I never found her convincing as the stunningly glamorous film star whom Welles is supposed to find so irresistible.  In a minor role as Welles' CIA-connected friend Pete Brewster, Christopher Walken gives the film some poster-friendly star power just by strolling through it.

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 2.35:1 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 surround sound and English and Spanish subtitles.  The sole extra is the film's trailer. 

While hardly memorable, I found FADE TO BLACK a diverting "what if" tale that takes a while to get warmed up but eventually begins to pay off for the patient viewer.  The idea of Orson Welles as the reluctant hero in a real-life thriller which rivals the fictional intrigue of his own movies is fun, and Parker and Huston just manage to pull it off.  I wonder, though--if they ever decide to give John Huston the same treatment, who are they going to get to play him?

FADE TO BLACK -- DVD Review by Porfle

CIRCUS WORLD -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/12/21

 

 

Currently watching: CIRCUS WORLD (1964) with John Wayne, Claudia Cardinale, and Rita Hayworth. Also with Lloyd Nolan, Richard Conte, and John Smith of the TV western "Laramie."

 

Henry Hathaway (TRUE GRIT, THE SONS OF KATIE ELDER) directed this departure from Duke's usual western adventures, although the rugged star still sports his trademark cowboy hat and inimitable swagger.

 

This time, however, his "Matt Masters" character is a circus owner whose dreams of touring Europe are dashed when the ship carrying his entire enterprise (animals, people, and equipment) all but capsizes in a Barcelona harbor.

 

 

After a slow start, this shockingly sudden sequence, which occurs early in the film, is both jarring and breathtakingly spectacular, using a full-scale ship mock-up that rivals the one constructed by James Cameron for "Titanic." 

 

Several minutes after this impressive spectacle gave way to Masters and his young partner Steve (John Smith) beginning the long, arduous task of putting another circus together, I was still breathless from that thrilling maritime disaster.

 

The middle part of the film is practically sedate in comparison, settling into an ensemble comedy/drama that focuses on young Claudia Cardinale's aspiring circus performer Toni, her budding romance with Steve, and a very serious subplot about her estranged mother Lili, played wonderfully by veteran actress Rita Hayworth.

 

 

 

The interplay between the various characters isn't as effortlessly light or involving as Howard Hawks managed in Duke's previous adventure "Hatari!", although the script, whose writers included Nicholas Ray, Ben Hecht, and James Edward Grant, mercifully avoids most of the usual circus story cliches. 

 

It's fun watching Duke and the gang rebuild their finances by working in a wild west show for European audiences, and seeing how he wrangles a circus as opposed to a cattle ranch or lawless town. 

 

Old standbys Nolan and Conte help keep things real while an appealing young Cardinale adds spark to her scenes four years before she would attain screen immortality as "Jill McBain" in Sergio Leone's classic western "Once Upon A Time In The West."

 

 

 

Best of all, though, is a more mature Rita Hayworth bringing her considerable presence to bear as her character reenters the performing world while desperately trying to mend the rift between her and her daughter Toni. 

 

But just as the film caught fire early on during the shipwreck sequence, an equally spectacular finale gives us nothing less than a raging inferno which threatens to burn down the entire bigtop and everything in it on the very day of the new circus' debut, and again an otherwise unremarkable film is transformed into a thrilling nailbiter that had me on the edge of my seat. 

 

It's these two bookend scenes that make CIRCUS WORLD a must-see for John Wayne fans. But while everything in-between comes off as relatively pedestrian, it's still a pleasure to spend time with these actors and their likable characters.

 

CIRCUS WORLD -- Movie Review by Porfle

John Wayne's Coolest Scenes #22: Four Rail Fence, "TRUE GRIT" (1969) (video)

(spoilers)

The emotional ending to "True Grit"...

...the film that won John Wayne his only Oscar for Best Actor.

Rooster Cogburn and Mattie Ross discuss where they will spend the hereafter.

Rooster takes his leave by attempting a daring feat for a "fat old man."


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

John Wayne's Coolest Scenes #22: Four Rail Fence, "TRUE GRIT" (1969) (video)

John Wayne's Coolest Scenes #68: You Know A Girl, "EL DORADO" (1966) (video)

 

John Wayne plays aging gunfighter Cole Thornton...

...who, to the surprise of his skeptical young friend Mississippi (James Caan)...

...does, indeed, know a girl (Charlene Holt).


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

John Wayne's Coolest Scenes #68: You Know A Girl, "EL DORADO" (1966) (video)

John Wayne Eye-Poked By A Hat Brim: "Texas Cyclone" (1932) (video)

In "Texas Cyclone" (1932), John Wayne and Tim McCoy...

...deal with a lowdown cattle-rustlin' hombre (Wallace MacDonald).

Watch young Duke get a hat-brim poke in the eye for his trouble!


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

John Wayne Eye-Poked By A Hat Brim: "Texas Cyclone" (1932) (video)

Presenting -- The JOHN WAYNE/ "GREEN BERETS" Lunchbox!

Okay, this isn't a real lunchbox--we were just having a bit of fun with one of the goofier characters from John Wayne's controversial 1968 Viet Nam epic, THE GREEN BERETS. Namely, the doggedly "cute" little Vietnamese kid named "Ham Chunk" (Craig Jue) who's intended to make our heartstrings go all a-flutter.  (Click pics to enlarge.)

In the movie, Ham Chunk is an orphan who hangs around a U.S. military base deep in the combat zone and likes to play pranks on the soldiers (after which he points and utters his catchphrase, "Ha ha, you funny!")

He gets adopted by--or rather, adopts--an unconventional lieutenant named Peterson, played by Jim Hutton, who becomes his father figure.  The cuteness factor is cranked up to eleven during their scenes, especially when accompanied by film composer Miklos Rozsa's bathos-enriched "Ham Chunk" theme music.



[SPOILER] When Peterson fails to return from a dangerous mission, the kid loses it.  "Peter-san!  Peter-san!" he wails, searching desperately amongst the empty helicopters to no avail. 

It's up to the Duke to step up, take the poor kid by the hand, and lead him into the sunset (which, famously, sets in the East). [/SPOILER]

Anyway, the lunchbox may be fictitious, but we'd love to have one.  Whether in the lunchroom at school or the breakroom at work, it would make a dandy conversation piece!

[MORE SPOILERS:]

Presenting -- The JOHN WAYNE/ "GREEN BERETS" Lunchbox!

THE CYCLOPS -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/19/09

 

One of my earliest movie-watching memories is sitting in my mom's lap in the livingroom while my older brother watched THE CYCLOPS (1957) on TV. When the monster, a giant man in a loin cloth with an ultra-hideously scarred face and one big, bulging eyeball, thrust his ugly mug into the mouth of the cave where the main characters were hiding and started roaring at them, it scared the ever-livin' crap outta me. At one point during this grueling ordeal of sheer terror, my mom tried to calm me down by saying, "Ohh, he's not scary...he looks like a funny clown." Well, he didn't look like a funny clown.

In 1993, I caught THE CYCLOPS again on TNT's Monstervision and watched it for nostalgia's sake, just to see what had been so traumatically frightening to me as a young tricycle motor. Back then, even the cheapest B-movie had a documentary realism to it, but now I could see THE CYCLOPS for what it was--a cheap, not-very-competently made schockfest with really bad special effects.

Fortunately, I taped the movie that night and watched it again today after all these years, and, strangely enough, I found it pretty enjoyable this time around. The always adorable Gloria Talbott of I MARRIED A MONSTER FROM OUTER SPACE fame plays Susan Winter, a woman who is determined to find her missing husband, Bruce, and hires a pilot named Lee Brand (Tom Drake, in a bit of a career comedown from his MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS days) to fly her into the isolated canyon in Mexico where Bruce disappeared three years earlier. Accompanying them on the expedition are Russ Bradford (James Craig), an old friend with romantic designs on Susan, and big-ape Marty Melville, who comes along only because he's heard the canyon is full of uranium and wants to get rich quick. Marty's a blustery, hair-triggered loose cannon, so it's fitting that the aging, alcoholic, unpredictable Lon Chaney, Jr. is cast in the role.

The film is written and directed by Bert I. Gordon ("B.I.G."), who loved to make cheap horror flicks about giant men (THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN, WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST), women (VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS, a personal fave), and creatures (EARTH VS. THE SPIDER, KING DINOSAUR, THE FOOD OF THE GODS). He also seemed to have an affinity for really crappy special effects, because his movies are full of them. In this one, the Cyclops and other over-sized beasts that Susan and the boys run into are often transparent, and they rarely seem to blend convincingly into their surroundings.

There's a battle between an iguana and a gila monster in which you can see them being thrown at each other from off camera, then slowly turned over and over by their tails like rolling pins to make it look like they're locked in mortal combat. In one of the worst FX shots ever, a large, superimposed hand seems to close around Gloria Talbott, and then the entire picture, background and all, is simply whisked upward out of the frame to make it look like she's being picked up. You have to marvel at Gordon's wrong-way audacity here even as you shake your head in disbelief.

Meanwhile, the googly-eyed Chaney is so scary as "Marty" that he almost overshadows the Cyclops. During the flight into the canyon, he goes nuts when the plane hits an updraft and, in a blind panic, slugs the pilot out cold! Hilarity ensues as Russ struggles to restrain Marty, who doesn't know how to fly a plane, from taking over the controls while Susan frantically tries to wake up Lee.

Later, the totally selfish and mercenary Marty is so anxious to get back to civilization and file a claim on the valley that he is constantly harassing Lee to fly him back and leave Susan and Russ behind to fend for themselves against the giant critters. I think that if Gordon had just replaced the Cyclops with a screaming, 25-foot-tall Lon Chaney, Jr. stomping around in a loin cloth looking for a bottle of hooch, the movie would've been a hundred times scarier. As "skelton knaggs", a fellow member of the Classic Horror Film Board once put it: "When Lon Chaney throws on the ham, I can just smell dem eggs frying."

But as it is, the Cyclops is the main attraction here, and after all these years I still think he's a pretty cool monster. The makeup job by Jack H. Young, who worked on Margaret Hamilton in THE WIZARD OF OZ and would go on to other triumphs with such films as THE BROOD, APOCALYPSE NOW, and TV's SALEM'S LOT, is a real doozy. Actor Duncan Parkin had his head shaved and was given a gash of a mouth with half the flesh ripped away to reveal his teeth, a protruding bloodshot left eye, and a horrid flap of skin stretched over his other eye. The look is similar to the monster in Gordon's WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST, and it would be hard to decide which is more disturbing--but I think the Cyclops has the edge for pure hideousness.

Renowned voice artist Paul Frees gives the monster a constant series of blood-curdling grunts, bellows, and growls, which was a big part of what scared me so much as a kid. Another unsettling element is the overwhelmingly aggressive musical score by the Luca Brasi of film music, Albert Glasser. As I mentioned in my review of THE NEANDERTHAL MAN, Glasser was the king of blatant, overbearing musical bombast that assaulted the listener like a caveman wielding a big gnarly club. Glasser only knew one gear--over the top--and he floored it. Just listening to his music alone could probably cause some people to suffer a panic attack.

The simple story takes a tragic turn as Susan and Russ make a startling discovery about the Cyclops. (You can probably guess what it is without expending too many brain cells.) When the group finally escapes from the cave and makes it back to the plane, the giant monster shambles toward them as Lee tries unsuccessfully to start the engine. As a last resort, Russ decides to draw his attention away from the others by offering himself as a target for the monster's wrath. What happens next will come as no surprise to those in any way familiar with Homer's "Odyssey."

Seeing the enraged Cyclops bearing down on our heroes brought back some residual childhood fears that still make it hard for me to be impartial about this movie--somehow, the big, ugly oaf still scares me while others might see him only as something to laugh at. But like I said, I still think he's a pretty cool monster. THE CYCLOPS is a movie that isn't nearly good enough to take seriously, but isn't bad in a totally "funny ha-ha" way like PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE or Gordon's schlock epic VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS. It's just a fairly, or maybe barely, decent grade-Z monster flick that is either a fun watch or a grueling bore, depending on your point of view. For me, it's a fun watch. But I still don't think that damn monster looks anything like a "funny clown."


(Thanks to Kerry Gammill for the "Cyclown" pic.)

THE CYCLOPS -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE DEAD GIRL -- Movie Review by Porfle

(NOTE: This review was originally posted online in 2007.)

There are few things more exciting for a movie buff than to be so blown away by a film that you're captivated by every minute of it and still excited about it long after it's over, which is exactly the effect THE DEAD GIRL (2006) had on me. It's without a doubt one of the most satisfying and exhilarating movie experiences I've had in years. I can find no fault with it--it does no wrong.

Arden (Toni Collette, hardly recognizable as the mother in THE SIXTH SENSE) is an introverted, emotionally-troubled woman caring for her invalid mother (Piper Laurie as yet another nightmarish mom), who makes life a living hell for her with her constant, bitter haranguing.

One day while walking by herself in a field near her house, Arden discovers the dead, nude body of a young woman. The battered corpse has the numbers "12:13" tattooed on her arm. Arden reports her find to the police and becomes the focus of unwanted local notoriety and curiosity, notably from a morbid supermarket bag-boy named Rudy (Giovanni Ribisi), who asks her out.

She hesitantly accepts, and while getting ready to go out is cruelly taunted and ridiculed by her mother until she finally reaches the breaking point. Arden and Rudy spend a strangely intimate night together in her station wagon parked in the woods.

Rudy is fascinated by serial killers and is generally rather creepy, yet in his clumsily sympathetic way he's the best thing that has happened to Arden in a long time. In fact, she considers leaving her mother to whatever fate awaits her and taking her chances on a new life with Rudy.

This, it turns out, is merely the first story in a series of episodes that are related in one way or another to the dead girl. We are next introduced to Leah (in a deeply-moving portrayal by Rose Byrne), whose sister has been missing for fifteen years. Her single-minded parents have never given up on finding her and Leah's homelife is eternally dominated by her sister's shadow, driving her to therapy and anti-depressants.

One day as she works as a forensic pathology student, she finds herself examining the dead girl and discovers a distinctive birthmark on her hand--one which matches the birthmark her missing sister had. With this, Leah envisions an end to her phantom sister's oppressive influence over her life and a new beginning at last. But it is not to be.

There are several more stories to be told, and each one is a fascinating and richly emotional character study that is brought to life by an incredible cast. Mary Steenburgen and Bruce Davison play Leah's obsessed parents, James Franco her nerdy boyfriend. Mary Beth Hurt (THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP) gives an intense performance as a neglected housewife whose husband (Nick Searcy) abandons her for days at a time--she makes a discovery about his mysterious nocturnal outings that will throw her life into turmoil. Marcia Gay Harden is fine as Melora, the dead girl's mother, who comes to identify the body and stays to delve into the heartbreaking details of her runaway daughter's last days.

This is Karen Moncrieff's second feature as writer-director (the first was 2002's BLUE CAR), and she displays a sure hand throughout. The story is scintillating and original, and her handling of it is visually exquisite.

Not a moment is wasted--every shot counts and adds to the emotional weight of the story. My attention never wandered for a second. And there isn't a single false step along the way. This is the sort of finely-crafted filmmaking that doesn't come along every day.

And finally, there's the dead girl herself. Brittany Murphy plays Krista, who we see storming through the last day of her life like a force of nature. She's a tragic figure, on the skids and down on her luck, but she's tough as nails and never gives in. I won't give away anything else about her or what finally happens, but everything is tied up nicely and the ending is both haunting and resonant.

This is probably Brittany Murphy's finest hour, in a beautifully-rendered film filled with remarkable actors giving memorable performances.  I guess you could say I kinda liked it.

THE DEAD GIRL -- Movie Review by Porfle

DEADGIRL -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/17/09

 

Recently I watched another coming-of-age film called "Bart Got a Room", which might be thought of as the happy flipside to today's very different coming-of-age story, DEADGIRL (2008).

 In this one, two high school misfits named Rickie and J.T. get a room too, only instead of being in a posh hotel it's in the dark basement of an abandoned mental institution, and instead of finding prom dates, they find a naked living-dead girl wrapped in plastic and strapped to a lab table.

Needless to say, this isn't your father's Archie and Jughead. While Rickie (the soulful Shiloh Fernandez, who reminds me of a pre-nutso Joaquin Phoenix) is disturbed by their discovery and wants to report it to somebody, the considerably flakier J.T. (Noah Segan) quickly sees Deadgirl as their own animated RealDoll.

Before long he's as paranoid and possessive as Fred C. Dobbs and acting out his twisted adolescent urges with the undying corpse. In one startling scene, he proves to Rickie that she can't die by firing several bullets into her torso with no effect. Rickie is repulsed but intimidated into silence by the increasingly unbalanced J.T. Eventually others are brought in on the sick setup, with varying horrific consequences.

In a way, DEADGIRL reminded me of "The River's Edge", a fact-based story of some disaffected high school kids who find a murdered girl's body in the weeds and bring their friends out to gawk at her instead of doing anything about it. Here, however, we go way beyond merely "disaffected" and into full-blown "deranged."

Many viewers will no doubt find it difficult to endure scenes of J.T. and his pathetic toady Wheeler (Eric Podnar) taking turns with the increasingly worse-for-wear Deadgirl as her chilling visage contorts, her eyes rolling and leering in their sockets. Equally repellent is the sight of J.T. poking at her pus-oozing bulletholes as he giddily marvels at her inability to die.

While J.T. has found the ghoul of his nightmares, Rickie still pines for the beautiful and unattainable popular girl Joann (Candice Accola), who, as J.T. points out with brutal frankness, would rather die than be with him. She'll eventually have to make that choice.

Her bullying jock boyfriend Johnny (Andrew DiPalma) and his equally sadistic sidekick Dwyer (Nolan Gerard Funk) also get drawn into the situation, culminating in some of the film's most ghastly and nerve-wracking images. Even tied up, Deadgirl is dangerous, because when you least expect it, she bites. And the bites get...infected. What happens to one hapless lad in particular is, for me anyway, quite a jaw-dropper.

 

I wasn't altogether satisfied by the ending, although I suppose there was a kind of resigned inevitability to it. The leads play their parts convincingly--Segan is especially effective as the downwardly spiralling J.T., and Michael Bowen, who was "Buck" in KILL BILL VOL. 1, is one of the best character actors working today.

Best of all, Jenny Spain's Deadgirl is a truly strange and frightening creation. The combination of the right makeup and her cunningly controlled performance, along with the imaginative direction of Marcel Sarmiento and Gadi Harel, makes Deadgirl a memorable movie "monster." You're never quite sure what's going through her fevered mind and can't wait to find out what will happen when she gets loose from her bonds. Which she eventually does, of course.

DEADGIRL is not to be confused with the similarly-titled 2006 film "The Dead Girl." That was a thoughtful, bittersweet account of the affect that one girl's murder has on the lives of several people who are connected with her in one way or another. This, on the other hand, is a pitch dark, full-blown horror flick that sets out to disgust and disturb and succeeds by being one of the most deviously over-the-top cinematic fever dreams of recent years. As for Deadgirl herself, she is both loathesome and sympathetic, repellant yet compelling, horrific yet oddly heroic--and altogether fascinating.

DEADGIRL -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE MAD ADVENTURES OF "RABBI" JACOB -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/6/19

 

I was bored one night back in 1973, so I drove ten miles to see this obscure (to me, anyway) foreign comedy that had a funny trailer. Not expecting much, I ended up having the time of my life (well, one of them, anyway) because this kooky little French romp turned out to be one of the funniest, wildest and most delightful farce comedies I'd ever seen.

Now, forty some-odd years later, THE MAD ADVENTURES OF "RABBI" JACOB (Film Movement Classics) is just as funny, just as wild, and somehow even more delightful because it has aged like fine bubbly champagne that gets up your nose and makes you giggle.

Popular, rubber-faced French comic Louis de Funès plays Victor Pivert, a diminutive hothead speeding cross-country to his daughter's wedding while berating his chaffeur Solomon and yelling at other drivers, especially the foreign ones (he hates Belgians, Germans, Englishmen, anyone who isn't French).

Somehow--I'm not going to go into it here--Pivert gets mixed up in violent political intrigue between two Middle Eastern countries and is fleeing on a moped with a revolutionary named Slimane (Claude Giraud), a gang of ruthless killers hot on their heels.  And he can't depend on his chauffeur Solomon for help because he just fired him after finding out he was Jewish. (That wasn't the actual reason but it's an added factor.)

Then, somehow--I'm not going to go into it here--Pivert and Slimane assume the identities of a Hassidic rabbi named Jacob and his assistant. The real Rabbi Jacob is due to return to his French community after years in the U.S.A., and the imposters are welcomed by gleeful mobs of admirers as Pivert is expected to preside over the bar mitzvah of Jacob's nephew in addition to several other ceremonies and such of which he has absolutely no knowledge.

And as all this is going on, the little town is beseiged by Slimane's gun-blazing enemies, police detectives on the trail of Pivert because they think he's a killer, and Pivert's frantic wife who wants to throttle him for not showing up at their daughter's wedding.

Obviously I've tried to summarize the plot as well as possible, but it just can't come close to describing what a wonderfully wacky comic delight this movie is.  Pivert may be the most lovable bigot in any film comedy, especially since we know he's eventually going to learn his lesson before it's over.

He has a hilarious talent for deadpan mugging (I love the part where he tries to get the attention of two cops by making faces at them) and the frantic, cartoonish physicality of Leon Errol. Not only that, but when he's eluding his would-be killers in a chewing gum factory he and they all end up sliding into a vat of the stuff and emerging as gooey green blobs.

As Pivert contends with these murderous political zealots (the actors play their roles wonderfully straight) I was reminded of Woody Allen's perilous comedic entanglements with South American revolutionaries in BANANAS.

Indeed, much of the raucous slapstick comedy in this film is just as intensely off-the-wall and often startlingly bent as anything Woody came up with in his early, funnier films. 

The Tex Avery-level sight gags and outlandish situations come fast and furious. Pivert's nagging, spoiled wife berates him over the phone while working on a nervous patient (she's a dentist, of all things) and Pivert flees in a car with a boat on top that eventually goes into a lake and becomes a boat with a car on top. 

His experiences in the Jewish community filled with well-wishers who adore him (as Rabbi Jacob) are both achingly funny and heartwarming without ever getting sappy.  Needless to say, his daughter's belated wedding becomes the scene of a calamitous collision of all the different characters and plot elements that never lets up until the fadeout.

THE MAD ADVENTURES OF "RABBI" JACOB has a nice message of tolerance, but it shows it instead of preaching it to us and never lets it get in the way of the sparkling fun.  If you're looking for a truly feelgood comedy that will have you giddy with joyful laughter, this is it.



Buy it at Film Movement

Blu-ray Features
Interview with co-screenwriter Danièle Thompson
New essay by author Phoebe Maltz Bovy
Sound: Mono

DVD Features
Interview with co-screenwriter Danièle Thompson
New essay by author Phoebe Maltz Bovy
Sound: Mono

THE MAD ADVENTURES OF "RABBI" JACOB -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

What "Flicker Show" Did John Coffey REALLY Watch In "The Green Mile"? (video)

 

 "I ain't never seen me a flicker show..."

That's what condemned prisoner John Coffey (Michael Clarke Duncan) tells his two sympathetic prison guards in "The Green Mile." 

But what "flicker show" did they really show him? 

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

 

What "Flicker Show" Did John Coffey REALLY Watch In "The Green Mile"? (video)

The Three Stooges: Getting Hurt For Real (video)

Stooging could be a hazardous profession...

In "Gem of a Jam" (1943), the table Curly's on tilts too fast and his head hits the window sill.
The gash required nine stitches.  He immediately returned to work.

"Heavenly Daze" (1939) director Jules White assured Moe that a pen gag wouldn't hurt Larry. 
It did.  The pen deeply punctured Larry's forehead, and Moe took off after White.

Ironically, Moe sustained the most on-set injuries.

A blast of gunk to the face in "Oily to Bed, Oily to Rise" (1939) required medical attention to Moe's eyes.

In "Self-Made Maids" (1950), a twisted ankle has Moe diving out of camera range to save the shot.
He hits his head on a bed frame and is knocked cold.

In "Pardon My Scotch" (1935), Moe does a pratfall that results in several broken ribs.

He rises and finishes the shot before passing out.  The rest of the scene was filmed later.



I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

The Three Stooges: Getting Hurt For Real (video)

FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES--THE FINAL SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 9/17/09

 

Perfect for Halloween viewing, FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES--THE FINAL SEASON is another outstanding collection of stories that delve headlong into darkest fantasy and full-blown Gothic horror, from one of the finest series of its kind ever made for television.

Richly evocative of the 80s-90s era in horror, yet steeped in the moody aura of the classic fright films of the past, each episode from the 1989-1990 season is like an atmospheric mini-movie replete with hideous monsters, evil spirits, malevolent magic, and everyday people taking a walk on the dark side.

As usual, beautiful redhead Micki Foster (Robey) is still trying to track down the cursed items that were sold from the curiosity shop she's inherited from her evil Uncle Lewis (R.G. Armstrong), who died after his deal with Old Scratch fell through. She's aided by her uncle's former antique dealer, Jack Marshak (Chris Wiggins), whose knowledge of arcane lore and the dark arts is invaluable. Micki's cousin Ryan (John D. LeMay) is half-owner of the shop, but his character is done away with during the season premiere and replaced by Steven Monarque as Johnny Ventura, a wide-eyed novice in the world of the supernatural.

The cursed antiques, which can be anything from a coin to a child's toy to a haunted television set, wield an evil influence over their owners and are usually used for deadly revenge or personal gain. Either way, they tend to kill people in extremely horrible ways, which is bad for our heroes, but great for us horror fans.

The season gets off to blood-curdling start with a two-parter called "The Prophecies." Jack finds himself in a small French village whose convent is the home of a revered nun, Sister Adele (Marie-France Lambert). Her childhood vision of the Holy Mother has made the village a mecca for people seeking to be healed of their afflictions. But this haven of holiness finds itself under attack from fallen angel Asteroth (Fritz Weaver in full Fritz Weaver mode), who, armed with a cursed copy of the Satanic Bible, is determined to fulfill a series of prophecies that will enable Lucifer to walk the earth.

The story loses steam during the second part as Weaver's one-note character begins to grate on the nerves, but the first half of this tale contains some of the scariest stuff ever done for television. When Jack is awakened at 3:33 a.m. by groaning, distorted church bells, the effect is chilling. Then we see Sister Adele attacked by a possessed nun while in prayer, a scene that should unsettle anyone who was ever scared by THE EXORCIST. Soon after, a sequence in which a ward full of mental patients attack the convent's staff and slaughter them in unholy ways is pure bedlam, and very strong stuff. Topping it all off is the bizarre and unexpected fate of Ryan, which is one of the strangest main character departures ever.

"Night Prey" is an old-fashioned wing-flapping, cross-shunning vampire tale which ends with some nice messy disintegrations. In "The Charnel Pit", Micki is sucked into the past via an old painting and falls into the hands of none other than the Marquis de Sade. "The Tree of Life" is the story of a modern sect of Druid priestesses who grow new recruits in their own fertility clinic and then sacrifice the parents to a tree god.

A cursed wheelchair enables a paralyzed girl to get revenge on the boys who tried to rape her in "Crippled Inside", which boasts one of the most amazing stunts I've ever seen--a stuntwoman goes down a flight of stairs in a wheelchair, backwards! Other episodes deal with a headless biker, a television that serves as a conduit for angry ghosts, an evil jack-in-the-box, and a man who uses a cursed leash to (as the episode summary puts it) "merge his dog and his wife into one super-devoted companion." Cool!

As Micki, Robey does her usual great job of being a big-haired babe while bringing depth and conviction to her role. Chris Wiggins as the ever wise and stalwart Jack grounds the show with his dignified presence and experience, no matter how far-out the plots may get. New castmember Steven Monarque's character of Johnny Ventura, first introduced in season two, gives the viewer a fresh, unjaded perspective through which to witness all the weirdness that Micki and Jack have become accustomed to.

Production values are high and the feature-level direction and writing are consistently good. The show doesn't skimp on the horror factor, either--there are lots of awesome old-school makeup effects such as the impressive full-body costume and cable-controlled head for the main creature in "Demon Hunter", and the horrific acid-dissolving victim (like something out of Cronenberg's THE FLY) in "Crippled Inside." In "Stick it in Your Ear", guest star Wayne Best's repulsively organic hearing aid, which allows him to read minds, causes him to break out in some wonderfully disgusting and squishy air-bladder makeup. The show's use of CGI is still hinky-looking as ever, but for the most part the effects are first-rate.

This five-disc set from CBS/Paramount contains all 19 third-season episodes, most with the original network promos. The 1.33:1 picture and Dolby Digital English mono sound are good although the show's cinematography always tended toward the murky side. (A heavy-handed racial episode, "Hate On Your Dial", is shot largely in beautiful black-and-white and is probably the best the show has ever looked.) The episodes often have that melancholy, autumnal atmosphere that is somehow common to many Canadian horror productions of the era, which contributes in large measure to the show's effective mood.

I was very impressed by this series' first season, and FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES--THE FINAL SEASON continues in the same high quality vein to the very end. Horror fans in search of the real deal can't go wrong with these satisfying, finely-wrought tales of terror.


Read our review of "Friday the 13th: The First Season"

 

FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES--THE FINAL SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

FRIDAY THE 13TH - THE SERIES: THE FIRST SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/5/12

 

Here's the original prologue that used to begin each episode of "Friday the 13th - The Series":  "Lewis Vendredi made a deal with the devil to sell cursed antiques. But he broke the pact, and it cost him his soul. Now, his niece Micki, and her cousin Ryan have inherited the store... and with it, the curse. Now they must get everything back and the real terror begins."

For some reason this prologue is omitted from the 6-disc DVD set FRIDAY THE 13TH - THE SERIES: THE FIRST SEASON, but I figured it would be a good way to start my synopsis.  In the first episode, veteran character actor R.G. Armstrong plays Uncle Lewis, whose sudden relocation to Hell leaves Micki and Ryan as proprietors of his antique store, Curious Goods.  Lewis' former partner, a sage old sorceror named Jack, shows up and warns the two that all the cursed items that have been sold from the store will cause untold death and destruction if they don't track them all down and lock them in the vault downstairs. 

After witnessing some supernatural shenanigans firsthand, it doesn't take long for our heroes to get over their initial "yeah, right" attitude and dedicate themselves to this monumental task.

The main characters are likable and fun.  First, there's Robey ("Louise" when she's at home) as Micki, the fiery redhead who's lots of fun to look at.  Micki sacrifices her upcoming marriage to some Mr. Perfect-type to become a cursed antique tracker-downer, because she knows people will die if she doesn't.  Then there's her cousin Ryan (John D. LeMay), who comes off as a bit of a doofus at first--in fact, I thought he was going to be the bumbling comedy-relief until his character began to develop considerably as the season went on. 

Not unlike Mulder and Scully, or Steed and Mrs. Peel, Micki and Ryan have a lighthearted relationship that can also have its serious and dramatic moments.  At times, their characters are given a surprising amount of depth and often suffer sizeable personal tragedies.  Rounding things off is Chris Wiggins as their mentor, Jack, whose wisdom and knowledge of the black arts are indispensible. 

The thing that makes this unlikely trio of do-gooders so endearing is that they aren't professionals--they risk their lives in every episode out of concern for others.  (All together now:  "Awwwww...")

To me, the series has that distinctive look of 80s low-budget Canadian cinema, like RABID or one of the SCANNERS movies.  I've heard complaints about the picture quality, and indeed much of the photography is somewhat muted and murky.  But this is true mainly of the earlier episodes, and as the season progresses so does the look of the series (although the video FX are consistently fake-looking).  The same can also be said for the stories themselves, which start out a little on the hokey side and then keep getting better and better. 

For example, episode 4, "Cup of Time", is delightfully cheesy.  Familiar B-movie babe Hilary Shepherd plays a rock star whose youthful appearance depends on a teacup that emits leafy tendrils which suck the lifeforce from anyone who drinks from it.  We see decadent punk rocker-types standing in line for one of her concerts, but when we hear her sing it's so typically 80s spandex-glitter-pop awful you'll wonder why these fans aren't lobbing molotov cocktails at her. 

Another "more cheese, please" episode is "Shadow Boxer", in which a pair of evil boxing gloves helps a down-and-out palooka by enabling his bobbin' and weavin' shadow to run around beating people to death.

Things really start getting good when David Cronenberg steps in to direct "Faith Healer", starring SCANNERS alumnus Robert Silverman as a man with a horrible disease looking for someone with the power to cure it.  That someone, unfortunately, gets his power from a cursed glove that must be recharged by, you guessed it, sucking the lifeforce from some hapless victim.  Along the way Cronenberg gets to indulge his fondness for "body horror" with some grisly makeup effects.

"Scarecrow" is a nifty Halloween-tinged episode that plays like a creepy low-budget movie, with a wonderfully sinister, eye-rolling performance by Patricia Phillips as a woman who eliminates her smalltown enemies with the help of a scythe-wielding scarecrow.  In one scene, the scarecrow lops off some poor old lady's head and we actually see it bobbling on the floor, her face still contorted in terror.  Pretty cool for a TV show!  Like many other episodes, "Scarecrow" is like a mini version of the cheap 80s horror flicks that many of us remember so fondly.

"Vanity's Mirror" is a delightful anti-Carrie story about a really vile high school geek-girl who uses her cursed item, an antique gold compact that makes any female irresistible to men, to lure various tormentors to horrible, gory deaths.  Eventually, she steals her beautiful sister's boyfriend from her and orders him to beat and then string up the hapless lass before whisking her away to the prom!  Awesome.

I could go on about how good various episodes are, but for me, the two-part "Quilt of Hathor" is the highlight.  Amidst a stark, snowy setting, we meet an ultra-strict religious community known as the Penetites who eschew technology and live much like they did back in the old Salem witchhunt days.  Scott Paulin (THE RIGHT STUFF) plays their leader, Reverend Josiah, who is, by law, required to take a wife.  But his prospective brides keep dying off thanks to a homely woman who has the hots for him and possesses a quilt which allows her to kill people by dreaming their violent deaths. 

Micki and Ryan go undercover with the Penetites and try to recover the quilt, but in the process Ryan falls in love with Reverend Josiah's daughter and ends up in a death duel with the jealous geek-boy to whom she's betrothed.  The set-up for this fight looks just like something out of the wackier side of STAR TREK--I almost expected to hear someone say "One thousand quatloos on the newcomer!"  During this richly atmospheric double-episode, several people suffer an unpleasant demise before the suspenseful finale.

Besides those already mentioned, some other interesting guest stars pop up here and there.  The first episode features the DAWN OF THE DEAD remake's Sarah Polley as a little girl.  In "Cup of Time" we also get to see what Lisa Jakub (Randy Quaid's daughter in INDEPENDENCE DAY) looked like as a wee tyke.  One of the victims of anti-Carrie in "Vanity's Mirror" is an older Zack Ward, who was A CHRISTMAS STORY's memorable bully Scut Farkus.  Ray Walston plays a renowned comic book artist in "Tales of the Undead." 

Other notable guest stars include Carrie Snodgress, Cliff Gorman, Gary Frank, Val Avery, David Proval, and Michael Constantine (as Ryan's estranged father in the emotional episode "Pipe Dream.")  Oh, and R.G. Armstrong's "Uncle Lewis" character may have died in the first episode, but that's hardly the last we see of his evil, cackling mug.

Back in the 80s when FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE SERIES was new, I never watched it because of its association with the Jason movies, which I've always regarded as junk.  But thanks to this season one DVD collection, I've discovered it to be a highly worthwhile horror series that's loads of fun to watch.


Read our review of "Friday the 13th: The Final Season"

FRIDAY THE 13TH - THE SERIES: THE FIRST SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle