KILLER UNICORN -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/21/19

 

KILLER UNICORN (Indican Pictures, 2018) is kind of like I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER, except instead of a bunch of teens being stalked by the Gorton's fisherman after they run over him a year earlier and leave him for dead, it's a bunch of extremely flamboyant drag queens being stalked by a buff stud in a unicorn mask because they kicked the crap out of him for raping their friend Danny a year earlier and left him for dead. 

Except he wasn't dead, and now Killer Unicorn is haunting the LGBTQ club scene and picking off members of that particular clique one by one in horrible ways while working his way back to his original victim, Danny. 

When Danny (Alejandro La Rosa) realizes what's going on (the severed head in his closet is a big tip-off), he notifies everyone else that they're all on the hit list.  Then they decide to get together at the big "Brooklyn Annual Enema Party" that night and use Danny as bait to bring Killer Unicorn into the open, and kill him.

 

It's sort of a comedy, except instead of gags we're just supposed to laugh at the ultra-camp, over-the-top drag queens like Jess J*zz, C*nt Stanley, Madame Mortimer, et al, as they exchange ribald dialogue and sexual innuendos in as stereotypical a fashion as they can muster. 

The "regular" gay guys like Danny seem positively normal by comparison, although it's Danny and his new friend "Puppy Pup" (José D. Álvarez) who get to have the big romantic softcore gay sex scene.  As a whole, the cast performs in a pleasingly uninhibited and, dare I say, natural fashion.

The murder scenes are violent, gory, and rather ugly in contrast to all of this, and are played more for ironic than comedic effect.  Again, however, the personalities of the drag queens are so outlandish that even here they can't help but lend a kind of curdled humor to their own violent death scenes.

 

Early scenes of the first victim's memorial party in the bar where Danny works focus on the group's decadent party lifestyles, an atmosphere that will reoccur in the film's second half during the raucous "enema party" in a crowded, dimly-lit club.

Here, first-time director Drew Bolton will manage some interesting low-budget visuals while building a fair amount of suspense amidst the chaos, especially in the scene where all the lights in the club are flashing on and off as the killer keeps popping up unexpectedly.  Through it all, the film tries its best to shock us with its outrageousness although we're already seen much of this kind of stuff before.

KILLER UNICORN wasn't clicking for me at all on first viewing, so a second one really helped.  While I first took it as an unsuccessful attempt to create a synthesis of "Liquid Sky" and John Waters, I came to realize that it's simply its own silly, mostly harmless, sometimes shockingly violent little horror/slasher comedy that you may find mildly entertaining.

Preorder on DVD or VOD at Indican Pictures

TECH SPECS
Runtime: 74 Minutes
Format: 2:35:1
Sound: Dolby DIGITAL 5.1
Country: USA
Language: English
Genre: Horror

KILLER UNICORN -- Movie Review by Porfle

MADE ME DO IT -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 4/12/19

 

A quick, down and dirty shoot (as described by the filmmakers) on a very low budget sometimes yields surprisingly good results, as it has in the case of the horror-thriller MADE ME DO IT (Indican Pictures, 2017).

What director and co-writer (with Matthew John Koppin) Benjamin Ironside Koppin set out to do was to get some talented people together and "Frankenstein" (his word) a movie together taking the old FRIDAY THE 13TH and HALLOWEEN slasher templates and doing an homage with a few curves and angles thrown in.

The main victims aren't the usual rowdy, party-hardy bunch--just pensive college student Ali Hooper (Anna B. Shaffer), her younger brother Nick (Jason Gregory London), and her boyfriend Jason (Liston Spence).

 

Ali's home for the weekend (no keg party or summer camp in the woods this time) but her estranged parents are gone, leaving just her and the guys having a quiet, unpleasantly introspective time of things.

It's just the right situation to be crashed by the standard masked serial killer, but this time he's a stringy, weepy nerd named Thomas (Kyle Van Vonderen) who spends most of his time banished to his bedroom by a sadistic, abusive aunt and living in a fantasy world of funny drawings that come to life and masks that he makes out of paper plates.

Thomas is a "special needs" sort of kid who couldn't hurt a fly--that is, until he puts on his "Barbara" mask, because "Barbara" is just the take-charge, take-no-prisoners sort of person Thomas could never be.  And "Barbara" is angry at the world.  Very angry.



That's the set-up, and from there MADE ME DO IT takes us into a scary campfire tale where Thomas silently stalks the night in his creepy mask and wields his bloody axe, leaving a trail of bodies all the way to Ali and Nick's house.

Much of the subsequent action is similar to what happens in THE STRANGERS, in which masked killers home-invaded a young couple and terrorized them for no apparent reason.

Here, we get just the same spooky ambience with the inhabitants of the dark, shadowy house (the electricity, alas, has gone off) cowering in fear as they try to elude the unknown stalker, who keeps popping up where they least expect him.

The director builds the suspense well for most of the film, although some scenes tend to meander a bit as Ali gets contemplative about the whole thing.  The film spends a lot of time pondering Thomas' psychological state and how he got that way, and our interest in this runs hot and cold.

Meanwhile, Thomas goes off on several freaky mind-trips involving his dead parents, his imaginary animal friends, his horrible aunt, "Barbara" (of course), and other images that come flying at us via various media such as 35mm, 16mm, and 8mm film, scratchy VHS tape, and crude animations--all of which are quite well-done and fun to look at.  (These are explored in more detail in one of several making-of featurettes included on the DVD.)

With a rousing final confrontation and a pretty keen twist right at the fadeout, MADE ME DO IT stacks up as one of the more interesting modestly-mounted slasher flicks of recent years, and is way better than watching the usual teen campers getting sliced and diced in the woods by some Jason wannabe.


Release Date: April 12th, 2019 (Theatrical) and April 23rd, 2019 (DVD, VOD).



MORE ON "MADE ME DO IT" FROM INDICAN PICTURES:


West Hollywood, CA (Friday, April 12th, 2019) - The dark, indie thriller Made Me Do It is the latest title to be released by U.S. based distributor Indican Pictures. A psychological look at the creation of a serial killer, Made Me Do It takes a first-hand look at a troubled slasher villain.

Shot with almost complete practical effects, Made Me Do It is a film from director Benjamin Ironside Koppin. And, the film stars: Anna B. Shaffer (“Strange Angel”), Kyle Van Vonderern (“Death Lust”), Cortney Palm and Jason Gregory London. A preview of the film’s upcoming theatrical and home entertainment launch is available now.

Thomas Berkson (Vonderen) is the portrait of a tortured soul. Abused and rejected, Thomas has only one outlet left - murder! Encouraged by the voices in his head, Thomas seeks out victim after victim as his crimes become ever more bloody. Now, he has targeted Ali (Shaffer) and her family. And, this confrontation will leave everyone scarred.

Made Me Do It will host its theatrical release, today, in Los Angeles. This release will be followed by another one on DVD and Digital platforms. In LA, this title will have at least seven showings, at the Arena Theater; filmmakers will be in attendance. On April 23rd, Indican will make this terrifying title available, across the United States, on home entertainment platforms. Horror fans will not want to miss this disturbing look at the creation of a killer, this month!

For more on the seven day theatrical launch visit the Arena website: http://arenascreen.com

The film’s official synopsis: After a lifetime of abuse and rejection Thomas Berkson has found unconditional love – through murder. He has become a serial killer following the voices in his head. Poor college student Ali Hooper, her little brother and ex-boyfriend find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time. In this throwback to the classic 80’s slasher films comes this harrowing journey for survival against an unstoppable force of nature.

Director: Benjamin Ironside Koppin. Writers: Benjamin Ironside Koppin, Matthew John Koppin.

Cast: Anna B. Shaffer, Kyle Van Vonderen, Cortney Palm, Jason Gregory London, Liston Spence

More on Made Me Do It: https://www.indicanpictures.com/new-releases/made-me-do-it

The film’s official website: http://mademedoitthemovie.com/

About Indican Pictures
Indican Pictures acquires and distributes feature films to a broad range of entertainment outlets by providing a diverse selection of movies across: theatrical, home video, TV, VOD, PPV and streaming platforms.

MADE ME DO IT -- DVD Review by Porfle

GIRL HAPPY (1965) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

 

Originally posted on 3/29/21

 

Currently rewatching: GIRL HAPPY (1965). One of my two favorite "bad Elvis" movies along with the immortal "Tickle Me." 

 

I used to think "Tickle Me" was the worst, but upon reappraisal I find it positively charming compared to this oozing mass of unmitigated stupid. 

 

"Girl Happy" contains a whole album's worth of Elvis' worst songs. No wonder he'd lost interest in making movies with a script this dumb and songs such as "The Fort Lauderdale Chamber of Commerce" and "Do The Clam" for him to warble with absolutely no enthusiasm whatsoever. 

 

 

 

His character, "Rusty Wells", heads an awful rock and roll combo consisting of guys like Gary Crosby and Joby Baker, who entertain the easily-pleased patrons of a club owned by mob-connected Harold J. Stone.

 

When the boss' daughter, played by Shelley Fabares, decides to run off to Fort Lauderdale for Spring Break, Daddy sends Elvis and his boys down there to keep an eye on her with the warning that failure will result in serious consequences for them.

 

Needless to say, daughter Valerie hooks up with a fast Italian lothario who wants to do more than hold hands, and while trying to keep her pure Elvis falls in love with her himself which seriously cramps his style with erstwhile romantic interest Mary Ann Mobley.

 

The script, surprisingly co-written by Harvey Bullock of "The Andy Griffith Show" fame and directed by Boris "The Omega Man" Sagal, can hardly muster up a single decent joke or sight gag, which leaves the cast working overtime to come off as more than just a bunch of stiffs. 

 

 

 

Watching them struggle to be funny is, in fact, way more entertaining than the script itself. They're joined in this futile endeavor by such stalwarts as Jackie Coogan, John Fiedler, Olan Soule, and the ever-delightful Nita Talbot as a brassy stripper.

 

Even a grown-up Jimmy Hawkins, who played Gail Davis' little brother Tagg in the 50s western series "Annie Oakley", is on hand to join the rest of the cast in having the life sucked out of them by this stupefying cinematic experience. 

 

As bad as it is, however, Elvis at his worst is pure entertainment for bad movie fanatics such as myself, which is why "Girl Happy" is one of my favorite "bad Elvis" movies and why I just bought the DVD when I could've spent the same money on something infinitely better. 

 

After all, it wouldn't have featured anyone performing "Do The Clam", would it?

 

 

GIRL HAPPY (1965) -- Movie Review by Porfle

The Greatest Scene In Any Superman Movie: Rescuing Lois, "SUPERMAN" (1978) (video)

Clark Kent (Christopher Reeve) has moved from Smallville to Metropolis...

...and gotten a job as a reporter for The Daily Planet.

But he has yet to introduce himself to the world as Superman...
...until Lois Lane (Margot Kidder), on her way to cover a big story...
...finds herself in dire need of a super-rescue.

The result is a thrilling sequence which hits on all cylinders...
...charged with suspense, emotion, and even humor....

...and is quite likely the high point of any "Superman" movie ever made.

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

The Greatest Scene In Any Superman Movie: Rescuing Lois, "SUPERMAN" (1978) (video)

ALICE IN WONDERLAND (BBC-TV, 1966) -- DVD Review by Porfle

   
 

 

Originally posted on 3/14/10

 

 

A reimagining--or rather, unimagining--of Lewis Carroll's fantasy masterpiece, the 1966 TV production of ALICE IN WONDERLAND seems to be one of the most strangely ill-conceived artifacts ever to emerge from the BBC. While Carroll's story is designed to appeal to both children and adults, this version is about as kid-friendly as an Ingmar Bergman movie.

It starts out very nicely with Alice and her sister being properly dressed by their nurse for a lovely walk in the countryside. Sitting amidst the swaying grass to soak up some sun, the sister quietly reads as Alice succumbs to sleep. When she awakens, she's alone--until she spots a smartly-dressed figure checking his watch and hurrying along as though late. The White Rabbit, you ask? Nope, it's Wilfrid Brambell, who played Paul McCartney's very clean grandfather in A HARD DAY'S NIGHT. He's called "The White Rabbit", but we're given no indication as to why. It's here we discover that one of the conceits of this production is that none of the actors portraying non-human characters are costumed to resemble them. Why? I don't know...go ask Alice, I guess.

Anyway, Alice follows him into a drainage pipe that leads her into a large, airy building with white drapes billowing over tall windows. As she creeps down its spacious corridors we enjoy the only truly atmospheric part of her adventure. The familiar routine with Alice changing her size in order to fit through the doorway into Wonderland is also well-handled. It's here, though, that Alice begins to encounter the largely uninteresting weirdos that inhabit this joyless world. An uninspired jab at organized religion has them flocking like chickens after a spaced-out priest while spastically crossing themselves. Like much of the film, it reduces Carroll's droll satire to bug-eyed burlesque.

Familiar vignettes from the book are stocked with name actors either having a lark or showing up for the paycheck. The celebrated tea party features Peter Cook hamming it up as the Mad Hatter and Michael Gough portraying the March Hare as some middle-aged British guy, which is rather depressing. Peter Sellers makes scant impression as the King of Hearts, while Sir John Gielgud's Mock Turtle and Malcolm Muggeridge's Gryphon mutter and mince along the seashore as though they'd missed their meds. (Only Leo McKern as the Duchess manages to create a truly amusing character.) I can understand director Jonathan Miller's intent to emphasize the nightmarish qualities of the story, but whatever delight is inherent in the original text itself is largely overcome by the utter joylessness and willfully obtuse direction of these scenes.

Pretty young Anne-Marie Mallik may have been a good actress but you wouldn't know it from this, since she's been directed to respond to everything going on around her by reciting her lines in a petulant monotone while staring off expressionless into space. Her Alice is just as inscrutably peculiar as any of the creatures she meets on her listless sojourn through pastoral settings and dreary interiors that could hardly be described as a "wonderland" of any sort. She seems, in fact, to have wandered onto the grounds of an insane asylum, or perhaps to have just been committed to it herself.

The pop sensibilities of the mid-60s era seem to have had an unfortunate influence here--it's as though someone noticed what a "trip" Carroll's story was and thought it would be interesting to play it up as a mystical mind-trip (complete with a droning sitar score by Ravi Shankar), which dates this adaptation badly. Seeing groups of oddly-dressed people prancing about the English countryside like aimlessly frivolous fools reminded me of similar scenes in the Beatles' misguided MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR. It wouldn't surprise me if this served as one of the inspirations for that failed effort in mindless psychedelia.

The DVD from BBC Warner is in 4.3 fullscreen and original mono, with English subtitles. Besides a brief photo gallery, a look at Ravi Shankar scoring the film, and a director's commentary, the extras menu features two very good reasons for seeking out this DVD. One is the original 1903 silent version of ALICE IN WONDERLAND, a fascinating eight-minute peek back at an ancient film whose entrancing images cling desperately to the ravaged nitrate print which seems to deteriorate as we're watching it. The second is Dennis Potter's excellent feature-length biopic of Lewis Carroll, ALICE (1965), which explores the stammering, painfully odd young writer's obsession with the young Alice Liddell and boasts a brilliant performance by George Baker.

Just as it's drained of color by the moody, almost noirish black-and-white 35mm film photography (which I liked very much), this ALICE IN WONDERLAND adaptation is almost entirely drained of magic as well. In its place is a dreary art-film opaqueness that ill serves Lewis Carroll's enchanting prose by resembling an uneasy cross between Monty Python and Carl Dreyer.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND (BBC-TV, 1966) -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE -- Movie Review by Porfle

Some movies are so bad, they're good--we all know that. But then there are the ones that are bad in such interesting ways that they're endlessly fascinating. Which is why THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE (1962) is one of the most-watched movies in my DVD collection.

 

It begins with a surgeon losing his patient in the operating room. The assisting surgeon, his son Dr. Bill Cortner (Herb Evers), insists on trying some of his wild new methods on the corpse. Cortner, Sr. pantomines cutting into the patient's chest to perform a heart massage by poking the scalpel about six inches over it and making a cutting motion while we see Bill fiddling with a dummy head that has an exposed brain but apparently no skull. After the patient is revived, Pop grumpily admits his son's success, but warns him against persuing weird and untested methods, especially when his experiments include stealing amputated limbs from the hospital. 

 

Bill poo-poos the old man's admonitions and whisks off with his amorous fiancee, nurse Jan Compton (Virginia Leith), to the country house where he performs his mysterious limb-grafting experiments. Having received a frantic phone call from his assistant, Kurt (Leslie Daniels), who says there's trouble a-brewing at the secluded house (something about a thing in a closet), leadfooted Bill gets in too much of a hurry and crashes the car, killing Jan. 

 

But Bill isn't about to let a little thing like death stop him, so he grabs Jan's decapitated head out of the burning wreckage, wraps it in his jacket, and hoofs it cross-country toward the house like O.J. Simpson running for a touchdown in the Super Bowl. You almost expect him to spike Jan's head and do a victory dance when he gets there, but instead he places it in a pan in his basement laboratory, hooks it up to a bunch of low-budget scientific equipment, and brings it back to life. 

 

Now Bill is all set to attempt his most daring transplant of all--to graft Jan's head onto another body. But to do that, he must prowl the local streets, nudie bars, and "body beautiful" contests in search of the perfect body--that is, one that turns him on--and lure its unfortunate owner into his dastardly clutches. 

 

It's all so delightfully, unabashedly cheap and lurid that I just can't help loving every minute of it. The car crash is so economically done that we don't even see it--the camera lurches toward a guardrail and Herb Evers rolls down a hill. That's it! Then we see a car door in the foreground with a man's muscular, hairy arm sticking into the frame, and that's supposed to be Jan! Unbelievable. 

 

 

 

Herb Evers was no great actor, but his "Bill Cortner" is a marvelous cad. This heartless bastard makes no bones about his intentions, skulking into a cheap dive called the "Moulin Rouge" to scope out the dancers and cruising the streets eyeballing babes as he searches for the body that he most wants to grope whilst making out with the new, improved Jan-thing. (All of this is accompanied by one of the sleaziest tunes ever written, aptly entitled "The Web.") The women he encounters are a bit on the homely side, but hilarious. They can't act, yet somehow they're so into their characters that their performances are strangely compelling. 

 

Bonnie Sharie, who plays a blonde stripper at the Moulin Rouge, acts as though she were born for the part of a hardboiled doll on the make for a sugar daddy. Paula Maurice, as another stripper who barges into the dressing room while Bonnie's cozying up with Bill and starts firing off withering wisecracks at her, is a riot--she's actually very good, in fact. And when Bill decides three's a crowd and makes his exit, there's even a totally extraneous catfight for our amusement.

 

The best of these potential victims, though, is Adele Lamont as "Doris Powell", who hates men ("I hate ALL men for what ONE of them did to me ONCE!" she snarls) yet makes her living as a "photograph model" posing for drooling guys with cameras. (One of them is infamous Jerry Lewis impersonator Sammy Petrillo of BELA LUGOSI MEETS A BROOKLYN GORILLA! What the hell's he doing in this?) Bill slithers into one of Doris' posing sessions and uses his charm to convince her that he's a nice, trustworthy guy who can restore her scarred face to its former beauty. 

 

Their dialogue in this scene is priceless. Adele Lamont, who's actually quite a looker, spouts her lines as though she's trying to hammer nails with them. "See it ALL...MISTER?" she growls at Bill. "The SHOW'S OVER...next time bring a CAMERA and buy a TICKET! I'm not running a CHARITY!" When Bill tries to placate her, she retorts "Listen--GALAHAD! I trusted a man once...ALL THE WAY!" She's a terrible actress, but she's so intense that it doesn't matter. Ultimately, the smooth-talking Bill conquers the monumental task of gaining Doris' trust, which makes his leering, smirking betrayal of it later on even more disturbing. 

 

Meanwhile, back at the country house, Bill's skittish assistant Kurt is on pins and needles. Not only does he have to contend with baby-sitting Jan's increasingly yakky head, but he's also freaking out about the dreaded thing in the closet. Yes, Bill's earlier experiments in limb-grafting have resulted in a horrifically-mutated monster that must be confined in a closet and fed through a tiny window in the door, and lately it's been getting restless. 

 

The thing in the closet is often referred to throughout the movie with such dread that it builds up a considerable amount of suspense--especially when Jan begins to form a telepathic connection with it and plans to use it to get revenge against Bill for what he's scheming to do.

 

Leslie Daniels plays Kurt with a wildly-theatrical style that might actually go over nicely if you were sitting in the back row of a theater, but up close he's like a character from a Jay Ward cartoon. Like so many of the other actors in this movie, he gives the part his all and performs as though the script were written by Shakespeare instead of guys named Rex Carlton and Joseph Green. He has some really entertaining dialogue scenes with Jan, and they're directed in a way that convinces us he's talking to a disembodied head. 

 

His demise, after an unfortunate encounter with the thing in the closet, has to be seen to be believed. It's the quintessential death-scene cliche, as performed by every little kid who ever pretended to get stabbed with a sword while rehearsing for the school play, and it goes on for several minutes while Kurt staggers violently from one set to another and back, smearing blood all over the walls as he lurches about in his final throes. I've never seen anything like it.

 

 

 

Top acting honors, however, must go to Virginia Leith as Jan. If the critics thought Richard Dreyfuss' performance as a quadraplegic in WHOSE LIFE IS IT ANYWAY? was impressive because he only acted from the neck up, then surely Virginia must get equal credit for acting only from the chin up. She does a marvelous job with her expressions, eye movements, and voice to convey her initial despair at being a disembodied head that should be "in its grave" (her plaintive cry, "Let me die...let me die" is haunting). 

 

Later, her concern over Bill's hunt for a potential victim, which she senses telepathically due to the weird life-giving fluid coursing through her brain, and finally her burning hatred and lust for revenge are very convincingly done. She has the upper hand in her talks with Kurt, gradually goading and prodding him toward his doom. And since the monster in the closet--who also wants revenge in a big way--is now under her mental control, things are really coming to a head. So to speak.

 

When Bill lures Doris to the house and prepares to carry out the operation, director Joseph Green stages a grand finale in which the dreaded monster finally breaks out of the closet. And even after all the build-up, we're not disappointed. The seven-and-a-half foot tall Eddie Carmel, known as "The Jewish Giant", makes quite an impression even under a bad makeup job as he goes on his final, fiery rampage. 

 

The scene is surprisingly gory, too, for a pre-BLOOD FEAST film--with this and the earlier blood-splattered death scene of Kurt, I'm still amazed that I got to see it uncut on TV when I was a kid. It scared the hell out of me then, its squalid and lurid atmosphere merely adding to the overall effect, and to this day, THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE remains one of my favorite low-budget horror movies ever.

 

THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE -- Movie Review by Porfle

DOWNSIZING -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 3/31/18

 

For a movie that I originally thought was going to be a lightweight sci-fi comedy--sort of a modern-day THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING WOMAN, or a variation on HONEY, I SHRANK WHATEVER--director/co-writer Alexander Payne's DOWNSIZING (2017) starts out as a fun indulgence and then, before you know it, develops into something much more substantial and meaningful.

The premise is instantly intriguing as scientists create a way to shrink humans to action-figure size, which will both greatly increase their financial wealth (little stuff costs a lot less) and decrease their negative collective impact upon the global eco-system. 

The actual shrinking part is where DOWNSIZING offers viewers the most enjoyable wallow in the story's sci-fi potential. We follow everyman Paul Safranek (Matt Damon) and his wife Audrey (Kristen Wiig) through the process after they've gone through much soul-searching over this major (and permanent) change in their lives, submitting themselves to what amounts to a fascinating and suspenseful shrinking sequence inside a cold, impersonal laboratory environment.

This part of the movie is filled with wonderful sights such as tiny people traveling by bus or airplane in seperate sections with tiny seats, interacting with their fellow giant-sized alumni at a class reunion, etc. 

Naturally the effects are first-rate--with CGI currently at so advanced a stage it would practically be a disgrace if they weren't--giving the illusion a sense of dreamlike reality that's irresistible.

It's right around this point, however, that the story takes a more serious turn when something jarringly distressing happens to Paul.  He's suddenly left in his tiny new home in a tiny new city without a tiny wife, and facing the prospect of a lonely, meaningless tiny new life.

With Paul's arrival in the spotlessly clean mini-metropolis, the film shifts from the "ooh, ahh" sense-of-wonder of its premise to more down-to-earth social and interpersonal matters. 

We see Paul stumbling through the singles' scene until he runs into his almost freakishly outgoing new neighbor Dusan (an ebullient Christoph Waltz) who opens up a whole new world of experience on the wild side of life.

As Paul tastes the bohemian lifestyle he's brought back down to earth by Dusan's impishly abrasive housekeeper Ngoc Lan Tran (Hong Chau), a Vietnamese political refugee who was force-shrunken by her government and shipped out of the country in a TV box, losing a leg in the process. 

Ngoc introduces Paul to the lower class of little people on the fringes of small society, giving him a sense of purpose when she shows him what a positive impact he can have on their lives.

While all of this is going on, Paul's new environment becomes so familiar that it gradually loses its miniature charm and starts to feel like the real world apart from the occasional giant-sized reminder.

The simple premise also gives way to a more political undercurrent that will result in Paul experiencing an even more drastic, life-changing event when he encounters the original downsized colonists and their elaborate plan to abandon the doomed outer world for a new life underground.  This is in addition to even more social concerns about how "normal" sized people begin to regard the ever-growing "small" population.

It's deep stuff--not excessively so but enough to provide ample food for thought until, before we realize it, DOWNSIZING has transcended its simple, lighthearted premise and evolved into almost an epic of emotional and philosophical import.  Yet this remains grounded by its small personal stories, not the least of which is an unexpectedly sweet sort of romance between Paul and Ngoc. 

Alexander Payne's deliberately subtle direction gives the cast a lot of room to excell, which they do. Damon has the "regular guy" thing nailed, while Waltz gets to be as flamboyantly outgoing as I've seen him.  Hong Chau is a delight as Ngoc, her flighty exterior masking both inner pain and a life-affirming resolve.

Cult favorite Udo Kier appears as Dusan's ship captain friend who still sails tiny ships that he has Fed-Ex'd to various bodies of water around the world. Kristen Wiig's part is small, but she makes the most of it.

Paramount Home Entertainment's Combo Pack includes the film on both Blu-ray and DVD discs, with access to a digital copy as well.  The DVD contains only the feature film in standard definition, while the Blu-ray has it in HD with the following featurettes: "Working with Alexander", "The Cast", "A Visual Journey", "A Matter of Perspective", "That Smile", and "A Global Concern."

I was initially dubious of DOWNSIZING's running time of two hours and fifteen minutes, but that was when I thought it was just going to be a comedy.  As it became sort of an epic, albeit a rather downsized one, that time was well filled. 


DOWNSIZING DVD  The DVD is presented in widescreen enhanced for 16:9 televisions with English 5.1 Dolby Digital, French 5.1 Dolby Digital, Spanish 5.1 Dolby Digital and English Audio Description and English, French, Spanish and Portuguese subtitles.  The disc includes the feature film in standard definition.

Street Date:      March 20, 2018 (4K Ultra HD, Blu-ray, DVD)    March 6, 2018 (Digital)
U.S. Rating:    R for language including sexual references, some graphic nudity and drug use
Canadian Rating: 14A, nudity, coarse language

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DOWNSIZING -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

Henchman Falls Down For No Reason In "THE DARK KNIGHT RISES" (2012) (video)

 

Sometimes in a big action scene where one hero fights many henchmen...

...the henchmen take turns going one-on-one with the hero.

While waiting their turn, they often simply hop around in keen anticipation.

Here, however, one henchman suddenly and inexplicably decides to fall flat on his back...

...as though he'd been dealt a hero-powered knockout blow...

...when in fact, nobody has even touched him!

It's a case of either bad planning, bad timing, or...who knows?


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Henchman Falls Down For No Reason In "THE DARK KNIGHT RISES" (2012) (video)

BEHIND THE MASK -- THE BATMAN: DEAD END STORY -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/8/17

 

Focusing not just on the title subject but on the entire life thus far of its uber-geek creator Sandy Collora, BEHIND THE MASK -- THE BATMAN: DEAD END STORY (Candy Factory Films, 2015) is the sort of documentary that offers fanboys both interesting information and a sort of vicarious wish-fulfillment fantasy.

I myself certainly would like to have lived Collora's life, or at least certain aspects of it. Turning on to comics at a very early age, and then movies with the release of such films as STAR WARS, Sandy Collora followed his dream into a job at Stan Winston's studio and, later, work on such films as JURASSIC PARK and MEN IN BLACK. 

As the brashly forthcoming Collora admits, his ego often worked against him even as it acted as a driving force in his ambitions.  He comes off, to me anyway, as an interesting and likable guy with a strong personality.

And he's incredibly creative, as the documentary never fails to demonstrate with plenty of visuals to augment the talking-head stuff.  The entire film, for that matter, is an easy watch--clean but unobtrusive graphics, well-presented interview and clip segments, and lots of interesting comments from genre notables such as Neal Adams as well as friends, coworkers, and family members (Collora's mother died tragically of cancer during the making of the Batman film).

Collora himself is an easygoing interview subject, coming to life when talking of Batman comics, genre films, or his favorite director, James Cameron.  He waxes excitedly about past and present film projects, modest productions over which he retains maximum creative control--a control for which he has sacrificed jobs on much higher prestige pictures. 

But what most viewers will be interested in, including myself, is that 2003 indy "Batman" short that Sandy Collora decided to put together one day in order to both show his stuff to Hollywood and to pay homage to his favorite incarnation (the Neal Adams period) of his favorite comics character.

Collora's drive and attention to detail are fascinating, as is his imagination in concocting one of the best Batman films ever made, one which captures the flavor of Frank Miller's "The Dark Knight Returns", "Batman: Year One", "Batman: The Animated Adventures", the Neal Adams comics (which reinstated Batman's serious side after the frivolity of the 60s TV series), and several other influences.

The short itself is a dark, rainy, and wonderfully gritty tale in which a beefy Batman encounters the Joker (the late Andrew Koenig in a stunningly good portrayal) in an alley shortly after his escape from Arkham Asylum.  But that's just the beginning, because the Caped Crusader soon tangles with Aliens (yes, those Aliens) and Predators in a mash-up that had packed comics convention audiences on their feet in furious applause.  

Clark Bartram's Batman is a solid take on the character, eschewing body armor for an old-fashioned Batsuit that he fills out well, and a surly attitude that bodes ill for wrongdoers.  (Collora initially interested Sylvester Stallone in the role and does a great impression of him.)  Technically, the film is exquisite and captures the spirit of the classic comics while often being dazzlingly cinematic.
 

While the story of this celebrated film serves as the main course, BEHIND THE MASK -- THE BATMAN: DEAD END STORY helps us better appreciate it by giving us a full perspective on the creator's life before and since, in about as compelling a manner as such a documentary can manage.  All that's missing is the eight-minute Batman film itself, which, although it's available to view online, seems a curious omission. 


PROGRAM INFORMATION
 
Type: DVD//Digital HD (iTunes, Amazon, Google Play) 
Running Time: 99 mins.
Rating:  N/A
Genre: Documentary
Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1
Audio: Stereo

Street Date: July 18, 2017

Buy it at Amazon.com

Read our original coverage

Watch the Trailer:

BEHIND THE MASK -- THE BATMAN: DEAD END STORY -- DVD Review by Porfle

Porfle's Trivia Quiz: "BATMAN THE MOVIE" (1966) (video)

Before Tim Burton and Christopher Nolan made him a Dark Knight...

...Adam West's Batman was Gotham City's Caped Crusader.

Fighting crime with the help of his youthful ward, Robin...

...his 1966 film was a huge hit with Bat-fans everywhere.

But how much do you remember about it?

(Read our review of BATMAN: THE MOVIE)



Question: Who played Catwoman in the movie?

A. Julie Newmar
B. Eartha Kitt
C. Lee Meriwether
D. Barbara Feldon
E. Diana Rigg

Question: Bruce Wayne always slides down the ____ Batpole.

A. Left
B. Right


Question: Batman repels the shark with...what?

A. Anti-Shark Bat Blaster
B. Shark Repellant Bat Spray
C. His Batarang
D. Super-Sonic Bat Horn
E. Shark Tested Bat Net

Question: The villains plan to kill Batman with Penguin's...what?

A. Exploding Octopus
B. Electrical Eel
C. Acid Umbrella
D. Super Smoke Bomb
E. Shooting Gallery

Question: Batman exclaims "Some days you just can't..." What?

A. Handle an explosive situation
B. Defuse a problem
C. Save the world from itself
D. Avoid a big blow-up
E. Get rid of a bomb

Question: Who pushes Robin into the water during the final fight?

A. Joker
B. Riddler
C. Catwoman
D. Penguin
E. Bookworm

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Porfle's Trivia Quiz: "BATMAN THE MOVIE" (1966) (video)

SNOWBEAST (1977) -- Mini-Review by Porfle (Plus Bonus Video)

A ski resort celebrating its big Snow Queen festival or whatever is plagued by a sudden rash of Bigfoot attacks in SNOWBEAST (1977).  

This slapdash made-for-TV borefest is pretty much a snowbound JAWS rip-off. 

Good for some laughs, mainly when Snowbeast attacks the Snow Queen celebration and causes a stampede during which the venerable Sylvia Sydney appears to actually get knocked on her ass by an overzealous extra and the Snow Queen's mother gets eaten while sitting in her truck. 

Other than that, lots of skiing and monster-POV shots with the occassional glimpse of a guy in a white furry Yeti suit.

Robert "The Wilderness Family" Logan and Yvette Mimieux are also on hand, as is big Clint Walker as the sheriff, but Bo Svenson as "Gar Seberg" adds the most entertainment value with several close-ups of his various emotions. 

Best of these is the "Happy Bo Svenson" face, which DVD viewers can freeze-frame at will and gaze upon for long periods of time while chanting "Happy Bo Svenson!" over and over.

Here's a video we made featuring Sylvia Sidney's apparent injury during filming:

 

SNOWBEAST (1977) -- Mini-Review by Porfle (Plus Bonus Video)

THE LOST WORLD (1960) -- Mini Review by Porfle

 

 Originally posted on 9/17/20

 

Just watched Irwin Allen's THE LOST WORLD (1960) for the first time since I was a kid and saw it on one of the network primetime movies (I think it was "NBC Sunday Night At The Movies").

Claude Rains makes a great Professor Challenger in this version of the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle classic dinosaur adventure. Jill St. John, Michael Rennie, David Hedison, Richard Haydn, Jay Novello, and Fernando Lamas also star. 

 As usual, substituting iguanas with fins glued onto them for dinosaurs just looks lame. I still prefer the 1925 silent version with stop-motion animated dinosaurs by Willis O'Brien, who would do the SPFX for "King Kong" eight years later.

This version is less about the dinosaurs and more about the hazardous jungle expedition, the various interpersonal conflicts, and a third act consisting mainly of the group navigating an underground tunnel filled with lava.

 

During this time they're kept busy staying one step ahead of bloodthirsty cannibals as they try to find a subterranean escape route from the prehistoric jungle plateau on which they've been trapped before an impending earthquake brings the whole place down around them.

Director Irwin Allen handled this sort of material well, and the production looks like it had a fairly generous budget.

Ultimately, though, it's only sporadically entertaining, with Claude Rains' blustery performance and Jill St. John's lighthearted sex appeal providing most of the interest.

 

THE LOST WORLD (1960) -- Mini Review by Porfle

DINOSAURS: GIANTS OF PATAGONIA -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 3/12/11

 

From the very first second of DINOSAURS: GIANTS OF PATAGONIA (2007), things pop, fly, and explode toward the viewer.  The "Ooh! Ahh!" effect of it all is somewhat lost watching the two-dimensional DVD version of this made-for-3D IMAX film, as I did, although it still retains much of its pictorial grandeur. 

Writer-director Marc Fafard's dinosaur documentary is filled with beautiful vistas of Argentina, where the oldest and largest dinosaur fossils have been found.  As Donald Sutherland's familiar voice lulls us into the story, we're taken back 65 million years to the point in which a comet the size of Mount Everest is about to slam into the Earth and spell doom for its inhabitants (in a scene similar to the opening of ARMAGEDDON).  We'll witness the dramatic extinction of the dinosaurs later on, but first we skip back in time even farther to the Early Cretaceous period, where we meet some of the largest animals ever to walk the face of the planet.  

The CGI used to bring these creatures to life isn't quite on the JURASSIC PARK level but it's better than most.  The film follows the progress of two main characters, Strong One the male Argentinosaurus and Long Tooth the female Giganotosaurus, throughout their lives as they search for food and struggle to survive encounters with various predators.  At one point Long Tooth and her hunting pack attack Strong One's Argentinosaurus herd but are no match for the huge beasts.  Several other species of dinosaur are seen along the way, including the ever-popular T-Rex and a flying pterosaur with a wing span of over twelve meters.



These colorful sequences help offset the dry narrative tone and the slower stretches in which we observe real-life paleontologist Rodolfo Coria at work uncovering the fossils from which much of this historical data is derived.  It's interesting stuff, of course, watching this diligent explorer about his meticulous work, but a bit of a letdown after the dinosaur scenes. 

Fafard takes his camera anywhere it can possibly go in order to capture dynamic views of Argentina's most primitive regions.  Dizzying POV shots glide slowly over the landscape, often directly into the frame.  The CGI dinosaurs are extremely well-integrated into these settings. 

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 1.78:1 widescreen with English and French Dolby Digital 5.1 sound.  There are no subtitles.  In addition to trailers, the bonus menu contains a documentary entitled "The Lizard King" which is equal in length to the main feature and boasts a wealth of additional dinosaur information presented in a seriocomic style. 

While the non-3D DVD of DINOSAURS: GIANTS OF PATAGONIA may seem a little, uhh..."flat" compared to its stereoscopic counterpart--especially during the parts where we're watching people dig up old bones--the visuals remain very impressive and the CGI dinosaur footage is among the best I've seen.  

DINOSAURS: GIANTS OF PATAGONIA -- DVD Review by Porfle

WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 10/12/08

 

The most thrilling adventure of the 20th century, without a doubt, would have to be the story of NASA's incredible exploits in outer space. The Discovery Channel's six-part documentary, WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS (2008) is a richly informative and often breathtaking retelling of this story, from our first tentative steps into space to the moon landings and finally to the development of orbital space stations and the space shuttle itself.

It's the story of the scientists and engineers who conceived the hardware, the mission control personnel who coordinated the missions, and the heroic astronauts themselves who risked their lives to venture into the most awe-inspiring frontier of all time.

Disc one begins with "Ordinary Supermen", the original Mercury astronauts who blazed the trail into space with a series of one-man flights that first captured the imagination of the entire world and set into motion a space-race between the United States and Russia which prompted President John F. Kennedy to vow that NASA would land a man on the moon before the decade's end. "Friends and Rivals" continues this quest with the two-man Gemini missions, including the first rendevous of two seperate craft in orbit and the first space docking.

With disc two comes "Landing the Eagle", in which all that has gone before, including the tragic deaths of Gus Grissom, Ed White, and Roger Chaffee in a fire that rages through their Apollo 1 space capsule, finally culminates in Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin's historic moon landing. "The Explorers" documents the remaining moon missions, including the ill-fated Apollo 13 flight that almost left three men stranded in deep space, and ends with the launch of SkyLab, America's first orbital space station.

Disc three details the creation of "The Shuttle", NASA's new reusable workhorse vehicle designed to be launched into space and then land back on Earth like a glider. The final episode, "A Home in Space", tells of the launch of the Hubble telescope and the touch-and-go repair mission that must be undertaken in order to repair it, and ends with the construction of the international space station.

An unbelievable wealth of film and video has been assembled to make WHEN WE LEFT EARTH a visual feast from beginning to end. More than ever before, we get to see the story unfold before our eyes as it's told, from the grainy NASA footage of the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo missions all the way to the breathtaking clarity of the more recent images, which surpass any conceivable Hollywood SPFX.

Astronaut Ed White's first spacewalk is a highlight, as is the rendezvous between Gemini VI and VII in which we see an astronaut waving at us through the window of the other craft. Long overhead views of the moon's surface are mesmerizing. The moon landings themselves are depicted in a way that conveys their almost inconceivable significance in the history of human evolution.

The story usually ends here in such previous documentaries as MOON SHOT and dramatizations like FROM THE EARTH TO THE MOON. Here, however, we're shown that the daring of brave and adventurous astronauts continues to yield fascinating real-life drama. The most affecting, of course, are the accounts of the doomed space shuttles Challenger and Columbia, victims of NASA's negligence during a phase in which space flight began to seem routine.

These are augmented by some of the clearest closeup shots of shuttles in flight that I've ever seen, and the Challenger explosion is shown in startling never-before-seen declassified footage. Later, the sequence in which a shuttle crew ascends to twice the usual orbit above the Earth and exits their craft in order to repair the Hubble telescope is as riveting as any science fiction, with some of the most astonishing images in the entire series.

Much of WHEN WE LEFT EARTH is told in the words of surviving astronauts, NASA ground personnel, family members, and others directly involved, their words often tinged with emotion. Longtime flight coordinator Gene Kranz, as always, is particularly eloquent and philosophical in his recollections. Gary Sinise, who played astronaut Ken Mattingly in APOLLO 13, proves quite capable as a narrator for Ed Fields' script, while Richard Blair-Oliphant's action-movie musical score is highly effective.

Discs one through three also contain highlights from NASA films, additional interviews, and other interesting footage that augments each chapter in the story. Disc four is a collection of NASA-produced films from the 60s which are interesting not only for their subject matter, but as relics of their time. They include "Freedom 7" (which uses library music also heard in THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE, of all things), "Friendship 7: John Glenn", the amusingly-inept dramatizations of "Proud Conquest: Gemini VII and VI", "Debrief: Apollo 8" with narration by Burgess Meredith, and "The Flight of Apollo 11."

 The DVD looks and sounds great, with a 16:9 aspect ratio and 5.1 surround sound, and the attractive metal DVD case is a keeper. Subtitles are in English and Spanish.

Whether you're a space buff already, or you just want to learn about the history of space flight in those thrilling days before it was taken for granted, WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS should more than satisfy your curiosity while providing the kind of mind-blowing entertainment that few other real-life stories could hope to provide. It's a reminder, even for those of us who lived through it all while it was happening, of the sheer wonder of space flight.

WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS -- DVD Review by Porfle

I GOT THE FEELIN: JAMES BROWN IN THE 60s -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/7/08

 

While I've always liked James Brown, I was never what you'd call a big fan. Now, after viewing Shout! Factory's 3-disc set I GOT THE FEELIN': JAMES BROWN IN THE '60s, I have a much deeper appreciation for both his talent as a musician and the important role he played in the civil rights movement. The biggest surprise for me, in fact, was the discovery of an incident in Boston following Martin Luther King's assassination, which makes this DVD set not only an irresistible record of Brown's musical prowess at the time but also the compelling account of a fascinating moment in American history.

I wanted to save the Boston stuff for later and indulge in some pure entertainment right away, so the first disc I watched was "James Brown Live at the Apollo '68." Originally broadcast as a television special entitled "James Brown: Man to Man", the image and sound quality are pretty rough at times--the early color video is especially bad at first, although it improves as it goes along. It helps to think of this as a priceless recording that we're lucky to have, warts and all, rather than dwelling on its imperfections. For me, they were soon forgotten as I became engrossed in James Brown's electrifying performance before a fiercely appreciative audience in the legendary Harlem theater.

Sweat pouring from his face, Brown earns his nickname as "the hardest working man in show business" as he gives his all during each number, belting out one classic after another with his heart and soul. The songs include "I Got the Feelin'", "It's a Man's, Man's, Man's World", "I Feel Good", "Please, Please, Please" and twelve more, usually with one segueing right into the next. The backup band is hot, and with each song Brown gets into a groove and works it for all it's worth with his customary showmanship, including those patented dance steps, mike stand acrobatics, and that delightfully dramatic robe routine as a finale. The direction is really terrible during the show and the psychedelic '60s camera effects are a major distraction, but that's the way stuff like this was usually televised back then and the whole thing serves as a time capsule of its era.

A brief documentary portion shows Brown walking the streets of Watts and Harlem, commenting on what should be done to improve conditions in such communities ("My fight now is for the Black America to become American.") With a running time of almost fifty minutes, the Apollo show is augmented by James Brown's 1964 performance of "Out of Sight" on THE T.A.M.I. SHOW, plus two more songs from a 1967 show at L'Olympia in Paris.

The next disc I watched was "James Brown Live at the Boston Garden", taped during his historic April 5, 1968 show only 24 hours after Martin Luther King's assassination. With cities burning across America and angry riots raging in the streets, Brown's scheduled appearance there was turned into a televised memorial concert and an opportunity to relieve tensions in a peaceful way. The mood is initially tense as Boston's sole black councilman Thomas Atkins and the city's mayor Kevin White introduce Brown while urging everyone to honor Dr. King's legacy of non-violence. Then James Brown takes the stage and performs full-throttle for over an hour.

The public television station WGBH in Boston was unaccustomed to covering such a concert, especially at such short notice, but they do a magnificent job here. The direction and camerawork are outstanding, with uncommonly rich black-and-white videography that looks almost cinematic at times, and dramatic lighting which is particularly effective in the backlit shots from behind the stage. A few awkward moments occur, and at one point the video is missing for a minute or so, but these are negligible in light of how well this impromptu telecast turned out. On the whole, this is an amazing document of what is perhaps the most important performance of James Brown's career.

What almost turned it into a disaster comes in the latter minutes of the concert. With people crowding forward and starting to climb onstage, Brown's security men brusquely shove them back one by one and are soon joined by Boston police in flinging people off the stage. Brown calls a halt to this with the assurance that he can handle his people, but in no time is surrounded by a swarm of rowdy fans who refuse to back off. Brown strongly expresses disappointment and exhorts them to show him some respect ("We're Black--don't make us all look bad!") and let him finish the show, which he is finally allowed to do. Everything ends well, although for a few moments there it's a tense situation that could've gone bad in a heartbeat. All in all, pretty fascinating stuff. As an extra, the audio of Brown's eight-minute speech to the crowd before the show is played against an old-fashioned Indian chief test pattern.

Having watched the concert itself, I was really ready for the third disc, director David Leaf's excellent 2008 documentary THE NIGHT JAMES BROWN SAVED BOSTON. The backstory of King's murder, the resulting nationwide chaos that came after it, and the tension-filled situation in Boston are presented in well-chosen archival footage along with narration by Dennis Haysbert ("24", THE COLOR OF FREEDOM) and interviews with Mayor White and Councilman Atkins, Brown's manager Charles Bobbit, Boston deejay James Byrd, Rev. Al Sharpton, Dr. Cornel West, various bandmembers and concert attendees, and several others. (Bonus footage of these interviews is included on the disc along with a panel discussion which followed the film's premiere.)

Atkins' idea of using the James Brown concert to quell impending violence had to be sold to a dubious mayor, but an even more dubious Brown, it turns out, was fit to be tied when he discovered that his concert was to be televised for free--several times, in fact--and people were already cashing in their tickets. The drama that occurred during the closing segment of the concert is recounted by witnesses including David Gates of Newsweek, who was there that night and attests to the air of anxiety that hung over the situation ("It could've gone up like a torch," he recalls.) But perhaps the most compelling part of this documentary is James Brown's subsequent role as one of the most influential leaders of the civil rights movement, a racial ambassador helping to bring people together, and a crucial proponent of Black pride in America.

The three discs are boxed in slimline cases with achingly cool retro design and a 23-page booklet by Rickey Vincent, with an introduction by David Leaf. As a whole, I GOT THE FEELIN': JAMES BROWN IN THE '60s is a treasure trove of invaluable concert footage and real-life historical drama that's ultimately both enlightening and inspiring. If you're a James Brown fan already, this is a must-see. If not, watch it and you just might get the feelin'.

I GOT THE FEELIN: JAMES BROWN IN THE 60s -- DVD Review by Porfle

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S WORST SEASON EVER -- Recap by Porfle

 

(NOTE: This article, in slightly different form, originally appeared at Bumscorner.com in 2005.)

In 1961, former FCC chairman Newton Minnow described television as a "vast wasteland."  But rarely in the medium's history did this wasteland ever seem quite so vast, or quite as wasted, as it did when the unmitigated disaster known as "Saturday Night Live '80" polluted the airwaves.

"NBC's Saturday Night" premiered in 1975, and immediately became a hit with young people who had never seen anything this fresh, hip, and irreverent on television before.  The brainchild of Canadian producer and former "Laugh-In" writer Lorne Michaels, the show introduced the world to up-and-coming stars Dan Ackroyd, John Belushi, Gilda Radner, and Chevy Chase (Bill Murray later stepped in to replace the Hollywood-bound Chevy) and made household names of such unlikely characters as Belushi's Samurai ______ (fill in the blank), Radner's Baba Wawa, and Ackroyd's Beldar Conehead. 

The unpredictable subject matter encompassed uvula care, blender drinks made out of bass, wolverines, "puppy-uppers" and "doggy-downers", and a brand of jam called "Painful Rectal Itch."  ("With a name like 'Painful Rectal Itch', it's got to be good!")

 Although the series had its ups and downs, and was thought by many to be running out of steam as the decade drew to a close, the show (which was renamed "Saturday Night Live" as soon as ABC's Howard Cosell series of the same name was cancelled) maintained much of its quality and popularity until Lorne Michaels decided to leave, along with the original cast, at the end of the 1979-80 season.   

Michaels' choice to replace him as executive producer was SNL featured player and writer Al Franken, but Franken's relentless on-air bashing of NBC president Fred Silverman (culminating in his harsh "Limo For A Lamo" Weekend Update monologue) put the kibosh on that idea. 

Eventually show staffer and Woody Allen pal Jean Doumanian was appointed the task of rounding up a brand new cast and getting the show ready for the fall season in only two months, with less than half of the million-dollars-per-episode budget Michaels had been getting. 

The show began to fall apart long before the first new episode was aired.  Doumanian wasn't an experienced television producer, and she had little knowledge of how to deal or get along with comedy writers or network executives, resulting in bad relations with both.  And worst of all, she didn't really understand SNL-type humor all that well to begin with. 

But there was nothing else to do but forge ahead, assemble a group of untried performers, somehow get some sketches written and produced, and stick the results in front of a skeptical television audience, with critics already sharpening their knives in anticipation.



On November 15th, 1980, I was at a friend's apartment where several of us had been waiting for hours for the new show to appear.  As fans of SNL since its George Carlin-hosted premiere, and unable to imagine how it was going to be with none of its original cast on hand, we were intensely curious to see the results of the show's first major cast and staff overhaul. 

I was doubtful, but cautiously optimistic.  After all, NBC wouldn't allow such a successful and highly-rated staple in its late-night programming to go to the dogs, would they?

And then, finally, after all the months of build-up and anticipation, it was time.  "Saturday Night Live '80" was on the air.

The show opened with the entire cast in bed with host Elliott Gould.  If Elliott seemed a bit dazed, it was because he had shown up for rehearsals earlier that week with no knowledge of the cast change, completely unaware that he had just stepped into the hallowed halls of television infamy. 

The sketch was about -- well, I don't remember what it was about.  I know the very first sketch of the very first episode in '75 was about wolverines, because it was memorable.  But this one?  Not a clue.  All I remember is that it was lame.  Just a bunch of nobodies in bed with Elliott Gould.

After the familiar "Live!  From New York!  It's Saturday Night!", veteran announcer Don Pardo  introduced the new cast:  Charles Rocket, Denny Dillon, Joe Piscopo, Gail Matthias, Gilbert Gottfried, and Ann Risley. 

It wouldn't be until the next week's episode that an ambitious young comic named Eddie Murphy would make his first small (non-speaking!) appearance on the show, but not as part of the cast.  He would, of course, break out and become SNL's most popular player later on, after being allowed to fill in a few unexpected extra minutes at the end of one fateful episode with his audition stand-up routine, which, although not one of his best performances and delivered with understandable nervousness, qualified as a home-run with audiences and network executives. 

But that was later.  This particular night would see no break-out performances or home runs. 

The list of sketches included: "Jimmy Carter's Libido" (punchline: "It was either the erection or the election", ha-ha), "Billy-Gram," "Gail Matthius's Breast Exam," "Nose Wrestling," "The Accordian Killer," "Speed Listening," "The Rocket Report," and "Foot Fetish." 

Not a very encouraging line-up, and the sketches were about as funny as the titles.  The only thing I recall as being remotely of interest was Gail Matthias' "Vicky the Valley Girl" -- in fact, she's the first person I can remember ever doing such a character, and probably the best. 

But the rest of the show slid gradually downward into the abyss.  (I remember it mainly as a disorienting blur of unfunny.)  After slogging their way through it, the cast stood onstage for the traditional goodbye as Elliott Gould pronounced:  "We're gonna be around forever!"  I don't know what other startling predictions he's made during his career, but I hope they turned out more accurate than this one.

In the weeks to follow, viewers were treated to dubious delights such as:

Denny Dillon's S & M Weather Girl whipping a slave-outfitted Charles Rocket who was strapped across her map in the "Leather Weather Report"

Joe Piscopo's gratingly obnoxious "Paulie Herman" character ("I'm from Joisey!  Are you from Joisey?  Heh, heh, heh!")

More sketches with unfortunately descriptive titles such as "White Baby Salesman", "Stop-A-Nut", "Don't Look In The Refrigerator", and "Chapstick Celebrities"

And, perhaps most infamously, the "Who Shot C.R.?" episode (a spoof of the "Who Shot J.R.?" season finale of "Dallas") featuring a running gag in which various cast members are suspected of shooting Charles Rocket.  During the show-closing goodbye, Rocket is seen sitting in a wheelchair, and host Charlene Tilton (a "Dallas" regular) asks him what it's like to get shot.  "Oh, man," Rocket mumbles, "it's the first time I've ever been shot in my life.  I wish I knew who the f*** did it." 

Whoa, Charles!  This is live, network TV in the early 80s, remember?  Well, I guess for one brief, exciting moment, he didn't remember.
 

This ad-lib ended up costing Rocket his job, and it didn't set well at all with NBC executives who weren't pleased with Jean Doumanian or her stewardship of the show, which had gone steadily downhill in ratings and popularity since its inception. 

The Rocket incident, it turned out, was the excuse they needed to fire her as well -- and just like that, the worst era in the entire history of Saturday Night Live, from 1975 to the present, lurched to an ignominious end.

After that, former ABC producer Dick Ebersol -- who had originally hired Lorne Michaels -- took over, and the purge of the "Really, Really Not Ready For Prime-Time Players" began.  Charles Rocket (naturally), Gilbert Gottfried, Ann Risley, and, later, the rest of the cast with the exception of Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo -- bit the dust. 

Personally, I didn't care at all for most of their replacements, such as the annoying Tim Kasurinsky and the non-descript Robin Duke and Tony Rosato, and I actually thought Gilbert Gottfried and Gail Matthias had shown promise if only they'd been given better material to work with (Gottfried bounced back with a fairly successful solo career, while Matthias later showed up in a syndicated comedy series called "Laugh Trax", which, while no SNL, did indeed give her a chance to be funny at last). 

Jean Doumanian went on to produce a string of films including BULLETS OVER BROADWAY and SUNBURN.  Denny Dillon continued to make small appearances in movies (GARBO TALKS, HOUSE IV, the voice of "Glypto" in ICE AGE) and television (a regular role on HBO'S "Dream On"). 

Charles Rocket never achieved post-SNL stardom but managed to stay busy in the years to come, landing a number of roles in films such as WAGONS EAST, MURDER AT 1600, and DUMB AND DUMBER, as well as showing up on the small screen in "Moonlighting", "The X-Files", and "Law And Order."  He committed suicide near his Connecticut home in October 7, 2005.

Ann Risley appeared in about nine films after SNL, mostly made-for-TV.  Joe Piscopo had a fairly eventful career for awhile after leaving the show, but never emerged from the shadow of his SNL rival, Eddie Murphy, and today appears in movies that you'll probably never run across.  As for Eddie Murphy, well...

In the years since 1980 there have been several cast changes, with some groups coming close to rivalling the original line-up (especially when outstanding performers such as Phil Hartman, Dana Carvey, Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Will Farrell, Molly Shannon, and Cheri Oteri were involved), while others threatened to drag the show down to its lowest level once again (just name a few of your least-favorite performers). 

But there's little chance that there will ever be a season as hideously awful...as unremittingly unfunny...as just-plain BAD...as that rancid, maggot-ridden slice of TV history known as "Saturday Night Live '80."


 
(Thanks to Wikipedia, TV.com, and IMDb for some of the factual information used in this article.)

 

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE'S WORST SEASON EVER -- Recap by Porfle