I AM DIVINE -- DVD review by porfle

 Originally posted on 4/2/14

 

I can't remember where I first heard about "Pink Flamingos" and its outrageous drag-queen star Divine--probably Danny Peary's book "Cult Movies"--but back in 1981 when I got my first VCR and started ordering movies on tape (owning a movie on VHS in those days was both exciting and expensive) that infamous John Waters film was one of them. 

And it didn't disappoint.  Outrageous?  The crudely-filmed paean to filth oozed with one outrage after another, culminating in Divine's most unforgettable act ever--eating dog poop, for real, right there in the final closeup. How, I wondered, does a person get  to that point as an actor, as a personality, and as a human being?  I knew quite a bit about the movie, but who was Divine?

I AM DIVINE (2013), a documentary by filmmaker Jeffrey Schwarz ("Spine Tingler! The William Castle Story"), sets out to answer this question in entertaining and fairly informative fashion.  With friends and acquaintances supplying the voiceover along with archival comments from Divine, we get the straight story (so to speak) along with tons of film and video footage presented in a pleasing animation-enhanced visual style. 

Being familiar as most of us are with Divine the flamboyant star (to put it mildly), my main interest was finding out about the person behind the character.  I AM DIVINE satisfies this curiosity by telling us the story of a lonely, introverted boy named Harris Glenn Milstead, whose childhood in Baltimore was a daily ordeal of getting mocked and beaten up for being different. 

Not openly gay--that would come later--Glenn was, as his family doctor warned his mother Frances,  a very effeminate boy.  Besides attending Sunday School, his interests lie in hairstyling, clothes, and, as he discovered while preparing to attend a costume party with his then-girlfriend Diane Evans, dressing up like a girl. 

This would later lead to his entry in various drag contests,  but while the competition busied themselves trying to emulate female appearance and behavior, Glenn's goal was to exaggerate it to the extreme. He didn't want to be a woman, but a bizarre caricature of one which would allow him to flaunt his own suppressed personality traits in public with no inhibitions. 

In a low-key,  matter-of-fact style, this film guides us through the various milestones of Glenn's life including his fateful meeting with aspiring underground filmmaker John Waters when both were teenagers.  Rare photographs and film footage recount the evolution of the Divine character, a collaboration between Glenn, John Waters, and makeup man Van Smith, and his appearance in early Waters films such as "The Diane Linkletter Story", "Mondo Trasho", and "Multiple Maniacs."  It was Smith who gave Divine his most distinctive feature--the partially-shaved hairline with grotesquely exaggerated eyebrows and eye makeup. 

Clips from Waters' early magnum opus "Pink Flamingos" include a behind-the-scenes view of the celebrated dog-poop finale in which they were forced to follow the dog around for hours waiting for it to perform as planned.  The documentary cuts away at precisely the fateful moment, presumably in order to avoid an X-rating, but it's still interesting hearing Divine and others talk about what it was like doing it and the effect it had on audiences at the time.  (As for me,  I can no longer watch the actual scene without gagging.)

Later, as one might guess, Divine would come to view such infamy as both a blessing and a curse which hindered his aspirations as an actor.  Meanwhile, however, we see his meteoric rise to underground super-stardom and cult worship with smash international appearances as a disco singer and stage actor. 

He also enjoyed subsequent successes in Waters' "Female Trouble" (described as the filmmaker's "Gone With the Wind") and later entries into the mainstream such as "Polyester" with Tab Hunter, the wildly popular "Hairspray" with Ricki Lake, and a non-Waters cult comedy-western "Lust in the  Dust" with Hunter and Lainie Kazan.

Inevitably, the documentary begins to reveal how overindulgence in drugs (he was a self-described "pot head") and food, along with a generally unhealthy lifestyle, would put Divine on the road to an early demise.  The tragic irony is that this occurs just as his career is hitting its peak and he has made a happy reconciliation with his parents.  Frances Milstead's own wistful recollections of her son Glenn give I AM DIVINE much of its heart and allow us to see the human being behind Divine's garish fascade.

John Waters fills in a lot of the blanks with his own personal stories, as do Divine friends and co-stars Mink Stole, Susan Lowe, Diane Evans, Ricki Lake, Tab Hunter, Lisa Jane Persky, and several others.  Among those appearing in archival footage are David Lochary, Van Smith, and Edith Massey. Several interview clips of Glenn Milstead himself reveal him to be a thoughtful, soft-spoken man who wanted to be accepted on his own rather than being forever identified with his fictional counterpart. 

The DVD from Wolfe Video is widescreen with 5.1 and 2.0 sound.  Subtitles are in English.  Extras include a commentary track featuring director Schwarz, producer Lotti Pharriss Knowles, and actress Mink Stole, along with trailers for this and other gay and lesbian-related films from Wolfe Video.

With copious amounts of footage showcasing Divine's wilder side, including shaking his massive flab onstage in halter tops and G-strings, famously getting raped by a giant lobster in "Multiple Maniacs", and (my favorite) strutting his stuff down the main drag of Baltimore in "Pink Flamingos" while actual bystanders gape in open-mouthed astonishment, I AM DIVINE should satisfy viewers who are interested only in the more freakish aspects of the immortal underground star's persona.  But its main accomplishment for me is the non-sensationalistic way in which it presents Harris Glenn Milstead as a basically decent person who was loved by many and fondly remembered by many more.

I AM DIVINE -- DVD review by porfle

MUSCLE BEACH PARTY (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

 Originally posted on 5/19/21

 

Currently re-watching: MUSCLE BEACH PARTY (1964), the predictably meat-headed sequel to 1963's raucous romp BEACH PARTY. As the title suggests, it's the same frothy free-for-all only this time with muscles.

The muscles are supplied by a group of strongmen led by Jack Fanny (Don Rickles in a spoof of gym maven Vic Tanny), whose star beefcake, Flex Martian, is played by "Mission: Impossible" and "Police Squad!" regular Peter Lupus under the name "Rock Stevens."

Spoiled rich girl Julie (Italian beauty Luciana Paluzzi, later to play evil Fiona Volpe in the James Bond epic THUNDERBALL) spots Flex from her nearby yacht, is impulsively smitten, and orders her obsequious business manager S.Z. (Buddy Hackett) to purchase the entire strongman squad from Jack Fanny. Deals are made, contracts are signed, and then...

 

...fickle Julie falls in love with Frankie, breaking Flex's heart and igniting the usual jealous tiff between Frankie and girlfriend Annette that will have them at odds for the rest of the movie.

All of this is set against the same milieu as the previous film, with a bunch of vacationing teens living in ramshackle beach houses and springing into action with every fervent cry of "Surf's up!"

Returning are John Ashley as handsome smoothie Johnny, Jody McCrea as the brain-dead Deadhead, Candy Johnson as dancing dervish Candy, and various other somewhat familiar faces amongst the bikini-clad beach bums. 

 

Cute blonde Valora Noland's character name has been changed here from "Rhonda" to "Animal" (she would later pop up in John Wayne's THE WAR WAGON and the "Patterns of Force" episode of "Star Trek"). Also on hand once again are guitar-twanging Dick Dale and his Del-Tones, and Morey Amsterdam as kooky club owner, Cappy.

Chipper pop singer Donna Loren makes her debut in the series along with burgeoning superstar Little Stevie Wonder singing "Happy Street." (He'll share the marathon closing credits with Candy.) Future "Grizzly Adams" star Dan Haggerty, sans beard and long hair, is unrecognizable as one of the strongmen, Biff.

Conspicuous by their absence this time are Harvey Lembeck's Eric Von Zipper and his cycle stupids, although one female member, Alberta Nelson, returns as part of the Jack Fanny camp. 

Annette's hair-trigger jealousy and constant pressure on free-spirited Frankie to settle down and get married are just as tiresome as ever.

Still, the bickering lovebirds each get to croon a few pleasantly sappy love songs, with Frankie also delivering a real ear-bending banger in Cappy's club that gets the joint rocking.

Dick Dale proves that he and the Del-Tones are much better suited to cool surf-rock instrumentals when their attempts at lyrics about the surfing life evoke deep, rumbling groans. 

 

There's no fast-paced, colorful chase sequence this time, but the cartoony action of a no-holds-barred brawl between surfers and strongmen in Cappy's club sorta makes up for it.

This is topped off by an appearance by none other than the great Peter Lorre, who, along with Vincent Price (BEACH PARTY) and Boris Karloff (BIKINI BEACH), was currently under contract with American-International.

Semi-serious scenes (the gang rejects Frankie when he announces he's hooking up with sugar-mama Julie) clash with the unabashedly cartoony and often surreal  nonsense that makes up the bulk of the film, all leavened with heaps of bad rock and roll (some co-written by Brian Wilson) and numerous old school comics adding their seasoned silliness to the usual youthful antics to make MUSCLE BEACH PARTY a dizzyingly dumb distraction for the easily amused.

 

(Note: this is the one that my big brother and his friends were going to see at the theater and I wanted to go but he wouldn't take me with him, so I started crying and Mom made him take me. It was the classic case where Mrs. Cleaver made Wally and Eddie take Beaver to the movies with them. So I got to see "Muscle Beach Party" at the theater when it came out and had a wonderful time!)

MUSCLE BEACH PARTY (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle

IT'S A BIKINI WORLD (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/31/21

 

Currently rewatching: IT'S A BIKINI WORLD (1967), a late entry in the "beach party" genre and one of several imitations of the official American-International Pictures series with Frankie and Annette.

Already-established AIP beach movie stars Deborah Walley (BEACH BLANKET BINGO) and Tommy Kirk (PAJAMA PARTY) are the Frankie and Annette equivalents here, with Deborah playing independent girl Delilah hitting the beach for summer vacation, and Tommy as local lothario Mike, who takes one look and decides to add her to his stable of bikini babes.

Finding her less than receptive to his manly charms and overhearing her desire for a more intellectual type, Mike dons a pair of glasses and disguises himself as his imaginary nerdy twin brother Herbert. 

 

Delilah takes an instant liking to the mild-mannered bookworm and all is well...until, of course, Mike inevitably falls for Delilah and must figure out how to reveal his true identity to her.

The film begins with an awesome main titles sequence in which scenes of teens frolicking on the beach are freeze-framed and transformed into comic-book art. Production values are just a tad chintzier than the AIP's, but locations and photography are pretty much on par.

Energetic performances add to the film's breezy ambience, as does a sprightly Mike Curb score. (This, despite Walley and Kirk reportedly hating the film and considering it a low point in their careers.) The romantic complications are always played lightly and for laughs, and several colorful action scenes are brisk and fun.

 

 

These consist of a series of races held as publicity stunts by beatnik enterpreneur Daddy (the great Sid Haig channeling "Big Daddy" Roth) to promote his lines of brand-name surfboards, skateboards, and even race cars. Delilah, with training by Herbert, competes in each against the arrogant Mike, unaware that he and Herbert are one and the same.

This series of races keeps the film moving at a fast pace when not focusing on the odd love triangle between Delilah, Mike, and Herbert. There are also several scenes taking place in Daddy's monster-themed nightclub, complete with music by the likes of Eric Burdon and the Animals, The Toys, The Gentrys, and The Castaways.

Without an established cast of characters, we don't get the feeling of comradery that exists among the AIP beach party gang. In fact, the only other teen characters we meet are Mike's not-so-bright friend Woody (played amiably by "Monster Mash" legend Bobby "Boris" Pickett) and his girlfriend Pebbles (Suzie Kaye, WEST SIDE STORY, CLAMBAKE).

 

 

Popping up here and there in the cast are Jim Begg (THE GHOST AND MR. CHICKEN), Carolyn Brandt (RAT PFINK A BOO BOO), and Lori Williams of FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! fame.

Scenes from Roger Corman's AIP horror flick ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS also pop up during a movie theater scene (with Woody acting as the clueless third wheel during Herbert and Delilah's movie date) due to the fact that AIP picked this movie up for distribution from the smaller company Trans American Films.

Of note is the fact that this film eschews the official series' tendency toward total cartoony farce and surrealism, as well as characters suddenly breaking out into song.

 

 

It presents instead a more traditional sitcom-style comedy which, despite its exaggerated characters and situations, might actually take place in the real world.

Direction is capably handled by co-writer Stephanie Rothman, who would go on to helm such exploitation staples as THE STUDENT NURSES, TERMINAL ISLAND, and THE WORKING GIRLS.

Surprisingly fun for such a lightweight "beach party" clone, IT'S A BIKINI WORLD should satisfy those with a soft spot for the Frankie and Annette beach pictures which had pretty much run their course. While certainly a lesser effort, it's a pleasantly amusing diversion nevertheless.

IT'S A BIKINI WORLD (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

ATHENA: GODDESS OF WAR -- Blu-Ray/DVD review by porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/25/12

 

Like most feature-length condensations of a TV series or serial, Funimation's ATHENA: GODDESS OF WAR hits the high points of this action-packed Korean television series (which ran for one season in 2010) while skipping lightly over characterization. 

The film opens with a bang as agents of a Korean anti-terror task force called NTS (National Anti-Terrorist Service) infiltrate a high society party in full formal attire and end up pretty much blowing it all to hell.  Here we meet agents Lee Jung-Woo (Woo-sung Jung) and the beautiful but deadly Yoon Hye-In (Soo Ae, THE SWORD WITH NO NAME), who, in due course, will complicate their working relationship by falling in love.

But that's not the half of it, because Hye-In is a double agent also working for the bad guys--a terrorist group called Athena--and is also in love with their ruthless leader, Son Hyuk (Seung-won Cha).  To make matters worse, Hyuk has managed to become the head of an American intelligence group ostensibly working with NTS to prevent the kidnapping of nuclear scientist Dr. Kim, currently on the verge of completing work on a vital nuclear reactor.

With just shy of two hours' running time, ATHENA: GODDESS OF WAR dispenses with the finer points of all this drama and concentrates on two things--the doomed romantic triangle between Jung-Woo, Son Hyuk, and the lovely Hye-In, and lots and lots of action.  The former tends to get a bit sappy at times, especially with Jung-Woo and Hye-In basking in the romance of Italy between assignments and a drawn-out ending which stops just short of being maudlin.  Soo Ae does play her tortured indecision between the two men quite well--even while she's kicking bad-guy ass, we sense her emotional anguish.  (All of the lead performances, in fact, are fine.)

And kick ass she does, with the able help of the film's three directors and its nimble editors piecing together rapid-fire camera shots into coherent fight scenes.  Direction is sleek and brisk, giving these made-for-TV action sequences a pleasing feature-film veneer that is enhanced by some exhilarating location photography.

Various suspenseful situations such as the kidnapping of the Korean president's daughter or Dr. Kim himself lead to extended battle sequences filled with bullets, explosions, and gritty hand-to-hand combat.  The film occasionally drags as we keep ending up back at NTS headquarters for numerous briefings and other exposition, but the next stimulating shoot 'em up, car stunt, or chase scene is never far away.  Needless to say, all of this leads up to Athena's final and most devastating terrorist attempt yet, with our heroes risking life and limb to stop it.

The Blu-Ray/DVD combo from Funimation is in 16x9 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 Korean and English soundtracks (subtitles in English).  Extras consist of a trailer and previews of other Funimation titles.

There's nothing chintzy about this TV-derived feature, although the necessity of hitting the high points of an entire season's story arc (while understandably concentrating on the more action-oriented stuff) tends to render things a bit superficial.  Still, while not entirely memorable, ATHENA: GODDESS OF WAR is quite an enjoyable way for fans of Bond-style espionage exploits to be entertained for a couple of hours.

ATHENA: GODDESS OF WAR -- Blu-Ray/DVD review by porfle

HOUSEWIVES FROM ANOTHER WORLD -- DVD review by porfle

 Originally posted on 3/2/10

 

 

Fred Olen Ray's Retromedia does it again with HOUSEWIVES FROM ANOTHER WORLD, another lighthearted soft-porn romp in the vein of BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN and TWILIGHT VAMPS. This time, the story which serves as a connective tissue for the numerous sex scenes is flimsier than ever, but ultimately that doesn't really matter all that much, does it? 

 

The movie opens, unsurprisingly enough, in the bedroom of Max (Frankie Cullen) and Karen (Heather Vandeven), but that's not Karen whom Max is having furious simulated sex with--it's their ditzy neighbor, Rita (Rebecca Love). 

 

Nicely intercut with this are shots of a meteor headed for a fiery rendezvous with Earth--the simple CGI looks pretty good--which might serve as a metaphor for the fact that Karen is coming home early from a business trip. When she discovers Max and Rita in bed together, she's furious. Rita, we find, was told that Karen had been killed in a freak skateboard accident and that Max needed to be held. 

 

Karen grabs a bottle of Jack and angrily stomps out into the desert behind their house, where she finds the pieces of the fallen meteor. One of the shards shoots a jolt of energy into her head, transferring an alien entity into her body. 

 

Seemingly morphed into a Stepford wife, Karen cheerfully forgives Max and Rita. But she secretly has a new mission--find the plans for a top-secret galaxy-probing satellite that Max is working on for the government and destroy them before Earth discovers her home planet, which will lead to an intergalactic war. (How? It doesn't matter.) 

 

Meanwhile, Max's competitors at work, Tom (Tony Marino) and Carla (Christine Nguyen), are busy trying to steal the plans themselves so they can take credit for them. Using meteor shards in the form of necklaces, Karen zaps Carla and Rita with more alien entities. Their mission, however, is put on hold when the intoxicating carnal sensations of their new human bodies drive them to engage in lots and lots of sex. Betcha didn't see that coming. 

 

 

As in the rest of these Retromedia sex farces, HOUSEWIVES is capably directed and looks really good for its low budget, with a pleasant musical score. Best of all, however, is the fact that the lead castmembers not only look terrific but aren't bad actors, either. Frankie Cullen and Tony Marino continue to display a deft comic sense that sets them apart from the average leering stud muffin, while Christine Nguyen's sex appeal is matched by her own skills in this area. Too bad this particular script doesn't give them much of a chance to be funny. 

 

Heather Vandeven looks about as good as you'd expect a Penthouse Pet of the Year to look and is quite enthusiastic in her sex scenes. (It appears as though she's using the famous Stanislavski method in her shower scene.) My favorite, though, is the adorable and delightfully buxom Rebecca Love, who has now joined my list of future wives which will go into effect just as soon as I become a billionaire playboy and bigamy is decriminalized. 

 

Rounding out the supporting cast are Ted Newsom as Max's boss Mr. Roberts--Ted plays a normal person for a change, and is surprisingly adept at it--and Ron Ford as the shady foreign-type (he wears a fez) who schemes to purchase the satellite blueprints from a debt-plagued Tom. Both actors bring a certain substance to their roles which adds a little weight to this otherwise paper-thin story.

The DVD from Retromedia and Infinity is widescreen with Dolby Digital sound. Extras consist of trailers for this and several other Retromedia releases. 

 

As an entry in Retromedia's growing list of sci-fi and horror-tinged softcore sex comedies, HOUSEWIVES FROM ANOTHER WORLD is extremely light on the comedy and story elements (though it does have a slight ZONTAR vibe at times). But with acres of bare skin on display and a cast that performs like Energizer bunnies at the drop of a hat, it's definitely fun to look at.

 

 

HOUSEWIVES FROM ANOTHER WORLD -- DVD review by porfle

HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI (1965) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/21/21

 

I've always loved the American-International "Beach Party" series, and I always will. This gives you a good idea of the overall tenor of my assessment of HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI (Olive Films, 1965). As for WHY I love these movies so much, well...err...uhh...

To be honest, a lot of people will hate this movie and others like it, and, as far as they're concerned, rightfully so. It's a supremely silly slapstick sex farce with the lowest teen denominator in mind, and it was made to shower undiscerning audiences with brightly-colored pop culture confetti made up of whatever seemed like it might appeal to them, including girls in bikinis, bikes, surfing, jangly rock 'n' roll, cartoonish action, really corny jokes, and cameo appearances by faces familiar to both the younger and older generations.

All of which is why I find these movies to be such irresistible fun--because that's all they try to be, and in their own stupefying way, they succeed.  It helps if you're a fan of Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello (I am), two of the most appealing young stars of the 60s, and enjoy occasionally turning off your mind, relaxing, and floating downstream. It is not dying, even though some might feel that way about it.

 

This time, Frankie's serving six weeks of naval reserve duty in Tahiti, separating him from Annette and tempting him to indulge in the local "social scene." Even so, he expects Annette (as "Dee Dee") to be faithful to him back there in Malibu, so he enlists the help of witch doctor Bwana Chicky Baby (none other than the venerable Buster Keaton, whose assistants include the beautiful Irene Tsu and Bobbi Shaw) to help him keep an eye on her with the help of a magical pelican.

Bwana Chicky Baby also plans to divert the beach boys' attention away from Annette by creating the perfect woman, who appears to everyone first as an empty leopard skin bikini. The great John Ashley (HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER, FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER), an American-International mainstay doing beach duty for the studio, then gets to croon the title song before the bikini is suddenly filled by the gorgeous Cassandra (Beverly Adams).

In short order, a nattily-dressed Mickey Rooney and Dwayne Hickman show up as big business types looking for the "girl next door" to accompany Dwayne in a motorcycle race which Mickey hopes will improve the image of cyclists (an image that Eric Von Zipper and his bumbling biker gang do their best to sully when they show up and Eric falls in love with Cassandra).

 

 

 
Dwayne, against Mickey's wishes, falls for Annette, who plays hard to get as usual while the magic pelican keeps watch over their activities for the absent Frankie.  And thus the film's main action is established with lots of romantic complications and slapstick nonsense until the big bike race, which turns the final quarter of the film into a live-action cartoon that's like a cross between "Wacky Races" and "Road Runner."

This is the seventh film in A-I's "Beach Party" series (if you count "Pajama Party" and "Ski Party") and by this time the concept was starting to wind down. The next related films would be SERGEANT DEADHEAD and DR. GOLDFOOT AND THE BIKINI MACHINE, then one more "bikini" movie, the financial flop THE GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI. After that, the emphasis would be on stock car racing with FIREBALL 500 and THUNDER ALLEY.

But there's still fun to be had with this formula if it strikes your fancy as it does mine. Annette is just as appealing a fantasy girlfriend as ever, and gets to sing a couple of songs (one with The Kingsmen as her backup band) while fending off Dwayne Hickman's romantic overtures.

 

Rooney seems to be having a good time spoofing HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING (his character's name, J. Peachmont Keane, is a variation of that play's J. Pierpont Finch). He even participates in some of the many musical numbers that keep cropping up at the darndest times.

Most of the silliness comes from Harvey Lembeck's familiar Eric Von Zipper and his gang of "stupids", with "Seinfeld" regular Len "Uncle Leo" Lesser turning up as their cohort in crime, the evil North Dakota Pete.  The bike race finale throws any semblance of coherence or sanity to the winds, making the old Looney Tunes cartoons look like models of adult sophistication in comparison.

In addition to the great Keaton and Rooney, the film offers supporting roles and cameos from the likes of Brian Donlevy as Rooney's boss B.D. "Big Deal" McPherson and director William Asher's wife at the time, "Bewitched" star Elizabeth Montgomery, as (what else?) a witch. Frankie, by this time, was demanding more money and is relegated to just a few "Tahiti" scenes.  Annette, bless her heart, is just as wonderful as ever.

 

 

Will Dwayne and Annette win the big race instead of the devious Von Zipper and Cassandra?  Will Annette finally forget her vow to stay faithful to the unfaithful Frankie and give in to Dwayne's advances? Will the rest of the boys (including Jody McCrea's "Bonehead") forget hypnotic Cassandra and return their attention to the rest of the jealousy-inflamed girls? Will John Ashley sing another awful song? Will Mickey Rooney finish doing whatever it is that he's doing?

If you couldn't care less, there are probably a lot of other people who feel exactly the same way you do. I don't care that much myself, but as a lifelong beach movie lover, I sure do have a great time watching movies like HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI anyway. It's the ultimate in light entertainment, and if you take it lightly enough, the rational part of your brain will enjoy the vacation.  

HOW TO STUFF A WILD BIKINI (1965) -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE JAIL: THE WOMEN'S HELL -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 9/27/15

 

No padding, no filler--just a solid wall-to-wall slab of pure, undiluted exploitation, dripping with sex, violence, and horror from start to finish.  That's THE JAIL: THE WOMEN'S HELL (2006), one of schlock superstar Bruno Mattei's final films and, from what I've seen, one of his most gleefully sadistic and extreme. 

This steamy mish-mash of elements from women-in-prison flicks mixed with a little poor man's PAPILLON by way of THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME begins with three hapless female prisoners being transferred by boat to a remote jungle prison in the Philippines. 

Carol (Amelie Pontailler) killed her pimp, Lisa (Love Gutierrez) trafficked in "dirty things with dirty people", and Jennifer (Mattei veteran Yvette Yzon of ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD and ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING in her first starring role), brags of having done a little of everything.

When they get to the prison camp they find a hellhole of sadism and brutality in which the trollish warden (Odette Khan), who looks like a female cross between Paul Giamatti and the guy from TIMECRIMES, is either torturing the inmates or renting them out to the Governor of the island (Jim Gaines, also of ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD and ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING) as sex slaves in his nightclub-slash-brothel. 

The prison scenes yield the expected sensationalism including copious amounts of nudity--with a shower scene or two that would launch the slobbering pervs from PORKY'S into orbit--and the inevitable lesbianism, along with constant physical and mental abuse from the warden and her sadistic guards.  Chief among the latter is the constantly screaming Juana, played with singleminded intensity by Vanessa Bolabas in a gloriously one-note performance. 

The Governor's palace of carnal sin offers even more perversion with his customers, as vile a bunch of freaks as ever portrayed on film, using and abusing the more attractive prisoners such as Jennifer during all sorts of rapey activities, one of which involves a full-grown python. 

It's during the biggest and most elaborate of these sex parties that Jennifer and the others, including her new friend Monica (Dyane Craystan, ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING) plan their big escape.  (This, by the way, comes after Jennifer has bargained to have Monica removed from a partially-submerged bamboo cage full of rats a la THE DEER HUNTER which she shared with several half-eaten corpses.) 

Unfortunately, the girls leap right from the frying pan into the fire when their escape attempt becomes a human hunting party, with the Governor's friends tracking them down like animals and disposing of them in horrific ways.  This is where Bruno Mattei goes all out to shock, horrify, and generally test our tolerance for graphic screen violence against a bunch of hapless damsels in distress. 

Gorehounds who live for this kind of stuff should be in hog heaven at this point, while the more easily offended--well, let's face it, I really doubt if the more easily offended are going to still be watching after the first five minutes.  Some viewers will find this sequence easier to endure by looking forward to the girls finally turning the tables on their tormentors, including that bitch-troll of a warden and her goons back at the prison. 

Bruno Mattei (under his "Vincent Dawn" pseudonym) puts the whole thing across in relatively capable fashion, displaying some of his best directorial skills and camerawork that I've seen so far.  Production values are fairly good thanks in part to some well-chosen locations, with a musical score that sounds as though it could've been written by Brian May.

As for the cast, Yzon and Craystan are the standouts, while the actresses playing the warden and head guard Juana are a hoot.  Anyone else playing a bad guy in this movie does so in such cartoonish, googly-eyed terms that even D.W. Griffith would tell them to tone it down.

The DVD from Intervision is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby 2.0 sound.  No subtitles.  Extras consist of an interview with Yvette Yzon and Alvin Anson on "Acting With Bruno", a talk with THE JAIL's producer Giovanni Paolucci and co-writer Antonio Tentori ("Prison Inferno"), and the film's trailer. 

Mattei died in 2007, a year after this film was made, but he left behind a filmography packed with some of the most outlandish, mindboggling, and just plain nasty exploitation thrillers ever made.  And if that sounds good to you, then THE JAIL: THE WOMEN'S HELL serves up a heapin' helping of it with all the trimmings. 

Buy it at Amazon.com
Street date: October 13, 2015

THE JAIL: THE WOMEN'S HELL -- DVD Review by Porfle

CRIES OF PLEASURE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 2/19/20

 

I guess I've seen about a dozen or so of the many films directed by Jesus "Jess" Franco (VAMPYROS LESBOS, SHE KILLED IN ECSTASY, COUNT DRACULA)  during his prolific career. And while nowhere near the expert many of his fans are, I can say that one never knows quite what to expect from him.

It all depends on Franco's budget, collaborators, various other factors, and, most of all, whatever mood he happened to be in when undertaking a particular project.

With CRIES OF PLEASURE (1983), Franco must have felt like skirting the boundary between two familiar themes: the twisty intrigue tale with elements of murder and betrayal, and the softcore sex romp in which he could indulge his penchant for long, meandering passages with naked people exploring each other's...well, long meandering passages.

It begins a bit like SUNSET BOULEVARD, with one of the main characters already floating dead in a swimming pool. The narrator, ironically, is a simple-minded mute named Fenul (Juan Cózar) whose only job is to wander around the mountaintop Spanish villa strumming on the guitar to provide background music for his master, Antonio (Robert Foster).

Antonio, a wealthy, arrogant young playboy, has a live-in lover and maid named Marta (Jasmina Bell) who later claims to have been raped by him at age 12 but remains desperately in love with him and serves as a sex slave.

Meanwhile, his beautiful houseguest Julia (Franco's longtime muse Lina Romay, THE HOT NIGHTS OF LINDA, SINFONIA EROTICA, TWO FEMALE SPIES WITH FLOWERED PANTIES) is about to meet his equally lovely wife Martina (Rocío Freixas, THE SINISTER EYES OF DR. ORLOFF), who that very day is being released from an insane asylum.

That's just about all the set-up the director needs to get cracking on yet another torrid tale of lurid lust and maniacal madness, all of which will commence right after the characters are all properly introduced and thrown into a succession of those long, meandering passages.

These are all shot in very extended takes as the camera lingers artlessly but intently over various combinations of nude, writhing bodies while occasionally wandering out the window to take in some of the Spanish oceanfront scenery.

The sex itself is technically softcore but sometimes threatens to cross the boundary into hardcore. As with many sequences of this kind, things tend to get monotonous (I've personally gotten to the point where I find just about all sex scenes boring), although Lina Romay's many fans will certainly have a visual field day here.

What makes CRIES OF PLEASURE more than just another sexploitation flick, however, is the queasy undercurrent of sadism, perversion, and ultimately murder that pervades it all. 

At least one participant in all this carnal decadence will be tortured to death, and somebody plans to murder someone else before it's all over.

While the extended sex scenes are furiously performed and at least marginally erotic, the most worthwhile thing about it all (for me, anyway) is how Franco's barebones plot, based on the writings of the Marquis de Sade, is revealed to us in broad, deliberate strokes that keep us attentively waiting for its resolution.

When CRIES OF PLEASURE does hit that final chord, it's just kinky and off-kilter enough to elicit a sigh of satisfaction that we've made it through yet another unpredictable Jess Franco fever dream with the feeling that, somehow, it has been time rather well spent.


Special Features:

    In The Land Of Franco Part 1: Stephen Thrower Tours Multiple Franco Locations in Portugal
    When Donald Met Jess and Lina Part 1: Filmmaker Donald Farmer Interviews the Power Couple in 1993
    Jess Franco’s Golden Years: Interview with Stephen Thrower, Author of ‘Murderous Passions & Flowers of Perversion – The Delirious Cinema of Jesús Franco’

CRIES OF PLEASURE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES: THE BOB HOPE SPECIALS DELUXE COLLECTION -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/19/17

 

Bob Hope was one of those comics who got as much mileage out of a bad joke as he did a good one (a talent shared by Johnny Carson).  In fact, he sometimes seemed to welcome audience groans so that he could do that "take" and comment about how bad the joke was.  Which, of course, got the biggest laugh!

If you're a fan of the inimitable Hope comedy style, especially as presented on all of his various television specials over the decades, you'll be able to gorge yourself on it with the colossal four-volume, 19-DVD boxed set from Time-Life, THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES: THE BOB HOPE SPECIALS DELUXE COLLECTION. 

It's a dizzying mish-mash covering five decades of Bob's TV memories--39 specials and more--all in a collage of celebrity guests, comedy and musical bits, and endless one-liners--that should have you alternately laughing and groaning for days. 

The first volume, "Thanks for the Memories: The Bob Hope Specials", contains 13 specials from 1956 to 1996 on six discs and embodies what those of us who grew up with these shows remember most about them.  It's pure Hope, just him getting a bunch of his old-school showbiz friends and hot (at the time) current stars together, putting his gag writers to work, and churning out hours of relentlessly corny comedy that revels in its own casual, offhand silliness.

Most of them are clip montages framed by new Hope footage, including one all-blooper show and another featuring all the ex-presidents he's rubbed shoulders with and poked goodnatured fun at over the years (several of them and their First Ladies appear on the show). 

A more youthful Bob is often juxtaposed with the later, older Bob (sometimes seemingly a bit too old to still be at it) as in his 90th birthday special.  There's also a long look at Bob's lifelong obsession with golf called "Shanks For the Memories."

One highlight is John Wayne playing a frontier Archie Bunker who doesn't want his son (Bob) marrying an Indian maiden played by Joanna "O Mighty Isis" Cameron.  Wayne, ever the good sport, shows his comedy chops here and in another comedy exchange with Bob later on. 

Perennial pal Bing Crosby, Robert Goulet, Angie Dickinson, Redd Foxx (as Santa Claus), Carol Burnette, Cyd Charisse, Jimmy Durante, Eddie Cantor, Sammy Davis, Jr., Dean Martin, Jackie Gleason (in drag!), and the entire cast of "I Love Lucy" are among the veritable boatload of familiar faces who also appear throughout the set.

The four-disc set "Bob Hope: Entertaining The Troops" is ten shows of Hope's legendary global roadshow for our armed forces, both in and out of wartime and wherever in the world they may be, from World War II all the way to the first Gulf War.  These range from later videotaped shows to the early black-and-white filmed footage, always with a sea of eager young soldiers' faces ecstatic over this thrilling sampling of entertainment from back home.

The times and places may change, as well as the generations of both soldiers and performers (with Bob, moustachioed comic Jerry Colonna, singer Frances Langford, and bandleader Les Brown often serving as the only constants), but the shows all have a common theme and feel as these celebrities give their all for the ever-appreciative troops. 

Some of the familiar faces seen in this set are Raquel Welch, Phyllis Diller, Brooke Shields, Johnny Bench, Neil Armstrong, Ursula Andress, Ann-Margaret, Rosey Grier, Romy Schneider, Lana Turner, Teresa Graves, Joey Heatherton, Lola Falana, Marie Osmond, The Judds, Vic Damone, Jack Jones, various Miss World winners, and many more.

Disc four contains two bonus specials including "Hope For the Holidays: Bob Hope's Bag Full of Christmas Memories."  This is one of those "too-old Bob" shows with his and wife Delores' home Christmas party serving as a framing device for lots of classic clips.  The party scenes are as stiff and corny as you can get with such names as Joey Lawrence, Loni Anderson, and Ed Marinaro mingling with actual Hope family members whose acting is hilariously bad.

"Bob Hope: TV Legend" is an 8-disc grab bag of more USO shows for the troops in addition to some regular comedy specials (16 shows in all) ranging from the late 50s to the early 70s.  There's lots more overseas stuff with such guests as Janis Paige, Jill St. John, Anita Bryant, Anna Maria Alberghetti, Andy Williams, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Redd Foxx, Jim Nabors, Gina Lollobrigida, Hedda Hopper, Jayne Mansfield, Tuesday Weld, and Neile Adams.  One of the main highlights is getting to see Steve McQueen doing comedy with Bob in two seperate appearances.

Some of the guests appearing in the regular in-studio shows include old partner Bing Crosby, Lucille Ball, Danny Thomas, George Burns, Carroll Baker, Vikki Carr, Cyd Charisse, Don Rickles, Paul Lynde, Don Adams, Angie Dickinson, Olivia Newton-John, David Niven, Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, and literally dozens of others.  People who love to play "Spot the Stars" will be in heaven with this endless procession of celebrity faces.

Finally, there's the disc entitled "The Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts: Bob Hope" in which Dino presides over the roasting of Bob himself, with the help of numerous comics and other celebrities (including filmed bits by John Wayne and Henry Kissinger).  Reverend Billy Graham is the most unlikely participant, while then-governor Ronald Reagan pulls off some surprisingly good one-liners. 

The best, of course, come from comedy legends Milton Berle, Don Rickles, Foster Brooks, Flip Wilson, Rich Little, Nipsey Russell, and Jack Benny, with able assistance from actor Jimmy Stewart.  And the humor is wonderfully non-PC, so the easily-triggered might want to watch with caution. 

In addition to the four DVD sets, the collection includes a full-sized magazine on heavy paper, entitled "Bob Hope: Making Us Laugh For 100 Years."  It's packed with rare photos and essays about Hope's life and career.  Each DVD set also contains illustrated contents booklets. Image quality varies with that of the original sources, some of which are showing their age.  For me, this just increases the nostalgia value.

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES: THE BOB HOPE SPECIALS DELUXE COLLECTION is the sort of thing that makes not having cable-TV easy, because with this, you've got something good to watch for at least a week or two.  It's like an endless buffet of entertainment for the starving Bob Hope fan. 



Format: DVD (19 Discs)
Running Time: 37 hours + extras
Genre:  TV/Comedy
Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1
Audio: Stereo

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES: THE BOB HOPE SPECIALS DELUXE COLLECTION -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE SISSI COLLECTION -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/6/17

 

There are some movies that you can either pass over for lack of initial interest, or find a way to plug into.  I plugged into THE SISSI COLLECTION and was shocked--so to speak--to discover how much I quickly came to enjoy this sparkling Technicolor trilogy of Austrian films (plus two bonus films and various extras) now available in a deluxe Blu-ray set from Film Movement, newly restored in 2K.

Seventeen-year-old Romy Schneider is a delight as the sweet, utterly unpretentious Sissi (short for "Elizabeth"), a wild child who only reluctantly plays the royalty game when protocol, and her socially-conscious mother, demand.  Otherwise, this countrified Bavarian princess would rather be fishing, riding horses, or hunting (although she never shoots but only likes to look at the animals) with her father, whose similarly rough and "improper" ways she has thoroughly inherited. 

In SISSI (1955), the first of the three films, Sissi and her mother, Duchess Ludovika (Romy's real-life mother Magda), along with her older sister Nene, travel to Vienna to meet the young Emperor, Franz Joseph (Karlheinz Böhm, PEEPING TOM), whose marriage to Nene has been prearranged. (We know early on that Franz is both a nice guy and a decent ruler when he refuses to sign the execution order for eight political prisoners until he's satisfied they're deserving of such a fate.)

It's a love story that harkens back to Cinderella, with the wicked stepmother replaced here by a not-so-bad mom hung up on royal protocol and one older sister, also not wicked, who gets first crack at the handsome prince (or in this case, emperor). 

He, of course, first meets Sissi after she furtively escapes the palace for some fishing, and falls madly in love with the wild girl, thinking her a lovely commoner. Naturally, there's a festive ball that evening to announce his engagement to Nene, where he discovers Sissi's real identity and proposes to her instead.  Comfortingly familiar complications ensue in which our only concern, really, is how well-meaning sister Nene is going to take such a potentially devastating humiliation. 

But greater trouble looms on the horizon in the form of Franz Joseph's stern, unyielding mother, Archduchess Sophie (Vilma Degischer), who will stop at nothing to sabotage her son's marriage to a girl she deems utterly unworthy.  Meanwhile, the fiercely independent Sissi, to her husband's great delight, proves not only a wonderful wife but also a wise and compassionate leader who unites their subjects while charming even his most obstinate political opponents.

One might describe SISSI with the old Hollywood term "woman's picture"--which, let's face it, it is--but it's definitely something anyone in the mood for light, sumptuous, and visually dazzling entertainment can sit back and enjoy.  The vast, incredibly lavish indoor sets are dripping with whatever constitutes "royalty", while the outdoor scenery of Austria and other locations are some of God's most deliriously colorful handiwork.

The wedding of Sissi and Franz Joseph, and all the attendant ceremony, are almost brain-fryingly opulent.  I've never seen anything like it--just as one scenario appears as dazzling as it can get, it's topped by the next jaw-dropping spectacle.

The humor is of the mildly amusing and gently satirical variety, a welcome change of pace from overt slapstick and farce.  The initial mistaken-identity factor is well-played as Sissi charms Franz Josef with her sincere qualities before he discovers her regal origins.  The romantic and political entanglements are similarly handled with just the right amounts of light humor, heartfelt sentiment, suspense, and clever storytelling.

Ernst Marischka's surehanded direction (he wrote and directed all three films in the trilogy), along with impeccable production values, superb costumes, and a swirling symphonic musical score, blend to give the film an almost lighter-than-air quality, like an expertly prepared cinematic confection.  Watching it is like digging into an entire Bavarian cream pie with a big spoon right out of the plate.
 
SISSI has a relaxing, almost soothing quality because it just wants to amuse and delight us instead of dragging us through raucous farce or hand-wringing melodrama.  It has a pleasing mix of reality and fairytale magic that, to my surprise, I found guilelessly appealing and effortlessly watchable.

SISSI: THE YOUNG EMPRESS (1956) picks up right where the first one left off (the three films play like a mini-series and should be seen as such) with the young couple still madly in love while coping with crucial international affairs.  Chief among these are the strained relations between Austria and Hungary, the latter personified by angry young rebel Count Andrassy (Walther Reyer), whom Sissi will eventually charm with her love of his country and genuine concern for its people.

Meanwhile, Franz Joseph's mother, Archduchess Sophie, continues to refer to Sissi as "a little Bavarian princess who became Empress by chance." When the couple are blessed with a daughter, Sophie drives a wedge between them by insisting on raising the girl herself, apart from the mother, an arrangement that drives Sissi to leave her husband when he sides with his mother on the issue.

This second installment forces Sissi to contend with more sinister and oppressive conflicts than before, elevating the series as a whole to to an entirely different dramatic plane.

Still, it also has even more mindblowing pomp and circumstance for us to wallow in than the previous one--it's almost like royalty porn. One particularly opulent ball reminds us how much more fundamentally impressive reality is over CGI, as this series, without a single pixel of digital FX, often outdoes the most heavily computer-generated spectacles of today.  (At some points I felt as though the deluge of undiluted cinematic grandeur would cause me to faint dead away.)

The ballroom scene is also particularly noteworthy for featuring the most politically volatile situation thus far--one which, to the Archduchess' chagrin, is beautifully and most satisfyingly resolved by Sissi's quick thinking.

Here and in subsequent scenes, all the magnificent visuals are in service to an uplifting, engaging story in which the Sissi character is more endearing than ever.  She ends up an even more grandiose figure than before, not out of a lust for power but because her sweet and caring nature cause an entire country to fall in love with her.

An even more dazzling explosion of color and richly-appointed finery than its predecessor, SISSI: THE YOUNG EMPRESS is as charming and utterly captivating as its radiant young star, Romy Schneider.  It's a bit like taking that rich Bavarian cream pie, shoving it right in your face, and loving every gooey moment of it.

SISSI: THE FATEFUL YEARS OF THE EMPRESS (1957) has all the qualities of the first two films, but by this time the series reaches new maturity along with its main character.  Having conquered Count Andrassy and the people of Hungary, Sissi sets her winning ways to new purposes even as her vile mother-in-law, Archduchess Sophie, tries to poison her marriage to Franz by suggesting to him that she's being unfaithful.



To make matters worse, Sissi is stricken with an unknown disease which the royal physician warns may be incurable.  While she's bedridden, the grief-stricken Franz Joseph must contend with a growing rift between Austria and Italy that will be accentuated by the cold reception he and Sissi receive upon their eventual state visit there.

Despite all the dramatic complications, this third SISSI adventure is brimming with more beautiful nature photography and some charming rural vignettes as the royal couple vacation incognito at a small mountain lodge in the Alps. (This is followed by some location photography during Sissi's visit to Greece.)

Later, there's a breathtaking view of a cavernous opera house in Milan where the invited Italian aristocrats express their disapproval of the visiting royal couple by ordering their lowly servants to attend in their stead. This leads to some delightful comedy as Sissi and Franz Joseph receive the delighted commoners as royalty at a reception following the opera. 

But best of all is the ending sequence which contains some of the most strikingly splendid imagery of the series as the royal couple's regal procession passes majestically through the picturesque canals and streets of Venice, to the eerie silence of its disapproving citizens.  A final surprise and a heartwarming wrap-up bring both SISSI: THE FATEFUL YEARS OF THE EMPRESS and the trilogy as a whole to a stirring conclusion.



Disc four of the Blu-ray set features the film VICTORIA IN DOVER, aka "The Story of Vickie" (1954), which predates the "Sissi" series by a year while serving as a blueprint for it by featuring a headstrong teenage girl, chafing against the burdens of royalty, suddenly finding herself in a position of grave responsibility while also expected to enter into pre-arranged royal matrimony. 

Here, however, that solemn position is no less than Queen of England, and the callow young girl, Victoria (Romy again, of course, and just as captivating as ever) is beset on both sides by those who wish to use her to advance their own political goals.  In fact, the first half of the film is preoccupied with the turbulent political concerns that occur when Victoria unexpectedly becomes Queen and must shoulder burdens that a lesser person might find unbearable.

Finally, though, at about the halfway point, all of this changes abruptly and VICTORIA IN DOVER becomes just the kind of romantic fantasy that made the "Sissi" movies so irresistible.  It may be even more of a fairytale story, in fact, with Victoria stopping off at a humble roadside inn (in disguise as a commoner, of course) only to meet her intended husband, the German prince Albert (Adrian Hoven), who is also there posing as one of the little people. 

One thing leads to pretty much exactly what you think it will, although as usual this predictability is of the highly satisfying kind.  The romantic aspect is such that the film is positively Disneyesque at times--Victoria reminds me of Snow White, while the prince is definitely charming.  I almost expected them to start singing to each other during the "Romeo" scene on the balcony of Vickie's rustic hotel room. 

VICTORIA IN DOVER has everything we love about the "Sissi" series but with a different recipe.  It's still quite a sumptuous dish. 

BONUS FEATURES:

Disc five in THE SISSI COLLECTION contains two featurettes.  One is "Sissi's Great-Grandson at the Movies", an excerpt from the documentary "Elisabeth: Enigma of an Empress" which features the title descendant of the real-life Sissi comparing the historical figure to her cinematic counterpart. 

The other is "From Romy to Sissi", a lengthy black-and-white making-of documentary that's narrated in winsome fashion by Romy Schneider herself (who would die tragically at age 43) and is loaded with rare behind-the-scenes footage.

The disc also contains a fascinating novelty: the condensation of the "Sissi" trilogy into one film entitled FOREVER MY LOVE, which was then dubbed into English, given a theme song by Burt Bacharach, and released to American audiences by Paramount Pictures in 1962.  While somewhat rushed and disjointed (and unrestored), with less than ideal dubbing, this feature-length "greatest hits" package of the original trilogy is a novelty that I found keenly interesting.

Finally, the Blu-ray case contains a lavishly-illustated 20-page booklet with credits and a synopsis for each film, plus an essay by renowned film writer Farrah Smith Nehme.

In my opinion, THE SISSI COLLECTION is Blu-ray at its most dazzling and visually splendid.  A spectacular feast for the eyes, these highly enjoyable films deftly avoid melodrama, are never heavy-handed or maudlin, and never descend into soap opera.  As romantic comedy-drama, historical fiction, and pure cinematic pageantry, they're absolutely top-notch.

Type:  Blu-ray
Running Time: 600 mins. + extras
Rating:  NR
Genre:  Drama
Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1 Widescreen/4:3
Audio:  (BD) DTS-HD Master Audio/5.1 Dolby Digital / (Bonus DVD) 5.1 Dolby Digital/2.0 Stereo
Language: German with English Subtitles

THE SISSI COLLECTION -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle