CRUEL JAWS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

 Originally posted on 9/22/20

 

Bruno Mattei's work as a director ran hot and cold, but oddly enough, he was at his hottest when his work was at its worst and most derivative (as in SHOCKING DARK and VIOLENCE IN A WOMEN'S PRISON) because that's when it was the most perversely entertaining.

Whether CRUEL JAWS (Severin Films, 1995) reaches that degree of cinematic heat is up to the viewer whose interests lie in movies that are so bad they're good.  This blatant rip-off of JAWS (and elements of its various sequels and other rip-offs) is loaded with badness to spare, yet even this doesn't always get us through several of the just-plain-boring stretches.

The story concerns an oceanographer named David (David Luther) who arrives at the oceanfront marine park of his friend Dag (Sky Palma) just in time to find out that (1) there's a killer shark on the loose and (2) Dag's about to lose his lease to evil landlord Samuel Lewis (George Barnes), who wants to build a new hotel on the property, unless he can come up with a chunk of cash in 30 days.

 

This leads to one of the film's major setpieces, a windsurfing race with a fat prize that will pit Dag's son Bob against Lewis' son Ronnie, who, incidentally, is the overprotective brother of Bob's girlfriend Glenda.

As you might guess, the race becomes a shark smorgasboard with plenty of screaming and panicking as the shark enjoys the equivalent of a human sushi platter. Not only does the famished fish eat everyone in sight, but he manages to chomp his way through most of the boats in the vicinity as well.

Later, of course, the brave good-guy shark hunters set off aboard their hardy vessel but this time with competition from the bad guys who, as per Peter Benchley's crummy original shark novel, have mob connections interested in the town's real estate. 

Another boatload of youths in pursuit of the shark (with pump shotguns, no less!) muck the whole thing up so badly that they provide the film with one of its most wonderfully explosive moments in which a sizable number of supporting characters blow themselves into fried chum chunks.

While all this is going on, Mattei (under the pseudonym "William Snyder") is having a field day cooking up bad reenactments of scenes from the JAWS franchise with the greedy businessman wanting to keep the beaches open, the frantic sheriff trying to close them, and young people serving themselves up as shark chow while cavorting around in bikinis, having romantic complications, and spouting some of the worst dialogue to ever bend your unsuspecting eardrums.

As for the shark effects, Mattei (who also gave us such films as ROBOWARS and ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD) uses a heap of stock footage of live sharks, some of which is pretty well integrated, along with a surprisingly good giant shark head that pops out of the water and often has one of the less fortunate characters hanging out of its mouth. 

The Blu-ray from Severin Films contains an unreleased Japanese extended cut (known as "The Snyder Cut") in its entirety. Extras also include "The Great White Way: A Study In Sharksploitation With Rebekah McKendry", "These Things Got Made!: Interview With Actor Jay Colligan", and the film's trailer.

It all builds to a rather bland finish, with Spielberg's reputation as the number one purveyor of shark-movie suspense and excitement remaining comfortably secure.  But while film fans who strictly limit themselves to "good" movies will find this one easy to avoid, those who love to settle in for a session of mind-warping badness will endure the slower scenes in CRUEL JAWS just to savor its tastier tidbits.



Buy it at Severin Films


Special Features:

    The Snyder Cut – Unreleased Japanese Extended Cut
    The Great White Way – A Study in Sharksploitation with Rebekah McKendry
    These Things Got Made! – Interview with Actor Jay Colligan
    Trailer

CRUEL JAWS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS -- DVD review by porfle

 Originally posted on 10/12/08

 

The most thrilling adventure of the 20th century, without a doubt, would have to be the story of NASA's incredible exploits in outer space. The Discovery Channel's six-part documentary, WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS (2008) is a richly informative and often breathtaking retelling of this story, from our first tentative steps into space to the moon landings and finally to the development of orbital space stations and the space shuttle itself.

It's the story of the scientists and engineers who conceived the hardware, the mission control personnel who coordinated the missions, and the heroic astronauts themselves who risked their lives to venture into the most awe-inspiring frontier of all time.

Disc one begins with "Ordinary Supermen", the original Mercury astronauts who blazed the trail into space with a series of one-man flights that first captured the imagination of the entire world and set into motion a space-race between the United States and Russia which prompted President John F. Kennedy to vow that NASA would land a man on the moon before the decade's end. "Friends and Rivals" continues this quest with the two-man Gemini missions, including the first rendevous of two seperate craft in orbit and the first space docking.

With disc two comes "Landing the Eagle", in which all that has gone before, including the tragic deaths of Gus Grissom, Ed White, and Roger Chaffee in a fire that rages through their Apollo 1 space capsule, finally culminates in Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin's historic moon landing. "The Explorers" documents the remaining moon missions, including the ill-fated Apollo 13 flight that almost left three men stranded in deep space, and ends with the launch of SkyLab, America's first orbital space station.

Disc three details the creation of "The Shuttle", NASA's new reusable workhorse vehicle designed to be launched into space and then land back on Earth like a glider. The final episode, "A Home in Space", tells of the launch of the Hubble telescope and the touch-and-go repair mission that must be undertaken in order to repair it, and ends with the construction of the international space station.

An unbelievable wealth of film and video has been assembled to make WHEN WE LEFT EARTH a visual feast from beginning to end. More than ever before, we get to see the story unfold before our eyes as it's told, from the grainy NASA footage of the Mercury, Gemini, and Apollo missions all the way to the breathtaking clarity of the more recent images, which surpass any conceivable Hollywood SPFX.

Astronaut Ed White's first spacewalk is a highlight, as is the rendezvous between Gemini VI and VII in which we see an astronaut waving at us through the window of the other craft. Long overhead views of the moon's surface are mesmerizing. The moon landings themselves are depicted in a way that conveys their almost inconceivable significance in the history of human evolution.

The story usually ends here in such previous documentaries as MOON SHOT and dramatizations like FROM THE EARTH TO THE MOON. Here, however, we're shown that the daring of brave and adventurous astronauts continues to yield fascinating real-life drama. The most affecting, of course, are the accounts of the doomed space shuttles Challenger and Columbia, victims of NASA's negligence during a phase in which space flight began to seem routine.

These are augmented by some of the clearest closeup shots of shuttles in flight that I've ever seen, and the Challenger explosion is shown in startling never-before-seen declassified footage. Later, the sequence in which a shuttle crew ascends to twice the usual orbit above the Earth and exits their craft in order to repair the Hubble telescope is as riveting as any science fiction, with some of the most astonishing images in the entire series.

Much of WHEN WE LEFT EARTH is told in the words of surviving astronauts, NASA ground personnel, family members, and others directly involved, their words often tinged with emotion. Longtime flight coordinator Gene Kranz, as always, is particularly eloquent and philosophical in his recollections. Gary Sinise, who played astronaut Ken Mattingly in APOLLO 13, proves quite capable as a narrator for Ed Fields' script, while Richard Blair-Oliphant's action-movie musical score is highly effective.

Discs one through three also contain highlights from NASA films, additional interviews, and other interesting footage that augments each chapter in the story. Disc four is a collection of NASA-produced films from the 60s which are interesting not only for their subject matter, but as relics of their time. They include "Freedom 7" (which uses library music also heard in THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE, of all things), "Friendship 7: John Glenn", the amusingly-inept dramatizations of "Proud Conquest: Gemini VII and VI", "Debrief: Apollo 8" with narration by Burgess Meredith, and "The Flight of Apollo 11."

 The DVD looks and sounds great, with a 16:9 aspect ratio and 5.1 surround sound, and the attractive metal DVD case is a keeper. Subtitles are in English and Spanish.

Whether you're a space buff already, or you just want to learn about the history of space flight in those thrilling days before it was taken for granted, WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS should more than satisfy your curiosity while providing the kind of mind-blowing entertainment that few other real-life stories could hope to provide. It's a reminder, even for those of us who lived through it all while it was happening, of the sheer wonder of space flight.

WHEN WE LEFT EARTH: THE NASA MISSIONS -- DVD review by porfle

DRAGNET: COLLECTOR'S EDITION -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 10/16/18

 

I've heard several people over the years say that they liked, or even loved, the 1987 feature comedy adaptation of the classic TV cop series "Dragnet" starring Dan Ackroyd and Tom Hanks. To those people I would recommend Shout! Factory's new Blu-ray release DRAGNET: COLLECTOR'S EDITION, which features a new 4K HD scan and an assortment of bonus features.

The film certainly is lively and full of blustery comedic action that people not all that familiar with the TV show can enjoy without a lot of bothersome comparisons to it.

Basically it's the story of a very straight-laced, by-the-book cop (Dan Ackroyd as Sgt. Joe Friday) and his flighty, fun-loving, all-rules-barred new partner "Pep" Streebek (Tom Hanks) having to work together--while constantly getting on each other's nerves--to stop a growing organization of deranged criminals bent on citywide chaos.

For these viewers the film offers a wealth of one-liners and raucous situations as Friday and Streebek must overcome their "odd couple" differences and eventually develop a grudging mutual respect.  The investigation into the crime group known as "P.A.G.A.N." (People Against Goodness And Normalcy) also yields wild car chases, lots of stunts, gorgeous babes, some romantic schmaltz, and a constant barrage of generic action-movie stuff to keep us occupied.

That said, as a longtime devoted fan of the actual TV series (both in its 1950s and 1960s incarnations), I find the movie as a whole to be consistently problematic.  (That's the first time I've ever used that word!)

As a parody of the series, the movie is surprisingly unsimilar to it despite the usual references to "just the facts, ma'am" and other tropes ("This is the city...I work here, I carry a badge", "The story you are about to see is true", etc.) and Friday's unyielding adherence to the rules and loyalty to strict civil order in general.

Ackroyd is actually playing the original Joe Friday's nephew, but his character is meant to be a carbon copy of his late uncle.  It's troubling, then, that he is so far off base in capturing Jack Webb's intonations and body language, instead doing a sort of generic stiff-backed type with clipped speech and no sense of humor.

The more human and even, at times, casual aspects of Webb's portrayal are lost in Ackroyd's robotic interpretation. It often seems as though he's doing more of a take-off on Robert Stack's Elliot Ness from "The Untouchables" than Webb's more haggard, world-weary cop.  And while the old Joe might occasionally hit a bad guy with a long, rapid-fire verbal scolding, this one tends to speechify every other time he opens his mouth.  

As for Hanks, still at the age where he looked like a big, goofy kid, he plays a new character whose main trait is a childlike disregard for propriety and is designed simply to clash with Joe Friday's dogged conservatism in comic ways.  Mostly it works, although the two are at such odds that we miss the teamwork and comradery of Friday and his loyal partners Frank Smith (Ben Alexander) and Bill Gannon (Harry Morgan) from the TV series.

Speaking of Morgan, he plays the same character as before, now promoted to captain.  His devotion to his late partner doesn't carry over to the nephew, hence Captain Gannon spends much of the film bellowing at Friday and threatening to take away his badge (which he eventually does at the insistence of shrewish police commissioner Elizabeth Ashley).

The plot itself is a convoluted affair that bears little resemblance to the usual "Dragnet" investigations.  Friday's traditional "just the facts, ma'am" questioning of a civilian witness is represented by an unfunny exchange in which venerable comic actress Kathleen Freeman must portray a grotesquely foul-mouthed old lady who even has Streebek shaking his head along with Friday.

Dabney Coleman plays softcore sex magazine magnate Jerry Caesar, giving the film an excuse to be fully stocked with bikini babes, and Jack O'Halloran, the big, dumb member of the evil Kryptonian trio in SUPERMAN II, plays a big, dumb P.A.G.A.N. henchman who menaces the good guys.

Alexandra Paul is the button-cute Connie, a kidnapped virgin meant as a sacrifice in the bad guys' big pagan ritual but is rescued by the good guys and eventually develops romantic feelings for fellow virgin Friday. (Again, Jack Webb's Friday was a low-key sort of guy but he was never portrayed as either nerdy or virginal.)  The most surprising bit of casting is Christopher Plummer as a pious TV evangelist who may have a darker side.

But as I said before, all of these misgivings stem from my affection for the TV show and desire to see a more faithful parody of it.  As for everyone else, this "Dragnet" spoof may be a perfectly adequate and perhaps even gutbusting comedy romp.  If so, DRAGNET: COLLECTOR'S EDITION should prove an ideal way to enjoy it. 

Special Features:
NEW "A Quiet Evening in the Company of Connie Swail": An Interview With Co-Star Alexandra Paul
NEW Audio Commentary with Pop Culture Historian Russell Dyball
"Just the Facts!": A Promotional Look at Dragnet with Dan Aykroyd and Tom Hanks
Original Theatrical Trailers & Promos
Photo Gallery 

Buy it from Shout! Factory

DRAGNET: COLLECTOR'S EDITION -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

MAMA'S FAMILY: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION -- DVD Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 10/24/17

 

Those who were there back when "The Carol Burnett Show" began will recall how a likable but callow young actress named Vicki Lawrence was the junior member of the cast, both in terms of age and talent, who usually played either Carol's younger sister or some flakey proto-Valley Girl character. 

That, of course, would change when the show introduced a new reoccurring sketch, "The Family", in which Vicki, amazingly enough, portrayed the sassy and crotchety old matriarch ("Mama") of a lower middle-class clan of smalltown Southern hicks which also consisted of Carol as neurotic daughter "Eunice" and Harvey Korman as her dullard of a husband, "Ed", in hotly dramatic, highly-dysfunctional family situations that were as painful to watch as they were hilarious. 

Vicki came into her own big-time as Mama, so much so that when Carol ended her show after eleven seasons, her producer husband Joe Hamilton immediately came up with a series spin-off called "Mama's Family" and starring Vicki in her classic characterization, beginning in 1982 on NBC.

Two years after its second-season cancellation on NBC, the show was belatedly picked up for the burgeoning first-run syndication market, where it thrived for four more seasons and reached its finale in January 1990. The show would last for six seasons, with all 130 episodes plus lots of extras now available on 22 discs in the Time-Life DVD collection MAMA'S FAMILY: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION.

Such a spin-off seemed inevitable as long as they could come up with another "family" with which Mama could work her magic.  The first two seasons boast Rue McClanahan as Mama's flakey spinster sister Fran and Betty White as her self-centered daughter Ellen.  Frequent "Carol Burnett Show" guest Ken Berry was Mama's cheerfully childlike son Vint, now living in her basement with his sexpot wife Naomi (Dorothy Lyman of "All My Children").

The fact that Vicki Lawrence was a young actress playing an old woman (most, if not all, of her adult cast mates were older) seemed to give her and the writers license to make her curmudgeonly attitude and acerbic remarks even more outrageous.  A certain delight comes from watching Vicki Lawrence pull off this characterization with such stunning success, especially after being in Carol's shadow for so long.  The character seemed to have been hiding inside her all that time, just waiting for a chance to burst forth.

Berry, after starring in the dull "Mayberry R.F.D.", finally gets a chance to play an addlebrained rube who's actually funny. Lyman is the quintessential trailer-park floozy Naomi, who starts out as Mama's adversarial next-door neighbor.  She turns out to be a high school heartthrob of Vint and, to Mama's horror, the two quickly make wedding plans that include a gaudy ceremony right there in Mama's own livingroom. 

The original "Family" segments on Carol's show displayed a frantic, chintzy kind of bargain-basement Southern Gothic that often came off like Tennessee Williams on laughing gas.  This is carried over into the new show's first season with guest appearances by Burnett and Korman, beginning with Vint and Naomi's disastrous two-part wedding episode. 

Carol Burnett's "Eunice", of course, is one of television's most inspired creations and the only one that can outshine Mama in her own setting.  Far beyond just being funny, Eunice is a tragic, monstrously self-absorbed creature whose simmering familial resentments and crushing disappointments in life always come bursting to the surface just in time to destroy any family gathering she's involved in.  And Mama, of course, is always right there with a cutting remark that slices her right in two.

This results in some of the most astoundingly raucous situations and character interplay in sitcom history, aided by McClanahan and White who add to the Southern Gothic family stew with their own long-standing grudges and gripes.  It's a to-die-for cast that any sitcom, or feature film for that matter, would give its left sprocket holes to have.

Their performances are absolutely inspired--after all, how often would they ever get a chance to play such characters in such extreme mock-dramatic situations and at such full tilt?  There's so much talent being utilitzed at its fullest here that, straining within the bounds of a simple TV sitcom as it is, the effect is often dizzying.  (It's a shame Burnett and Korman are around for so few episodes.)

With all of this going on, it hardly matters that the show isn't always "on" or that moments actually do betray the fact that we're watching a simple--and, yes, often kinda dumb--sitcom that relies largely on insult humor.  Because even in that context it does its job so well that we're entertained by the lesser moments while waiting for the great ones.

The characters frequently relish their chance to let fly with some choice zingers--which, like an athlete, they throw their whole body into--and the live audience goes nuts the way they would for shows like "Married With Children." In fact,  this show, surprisingly, often comes off as even more cynical and outrageous than that infamously sleazy series, albeit in more (relatively) subtle ways.

After the network cancellation and syndication reboot, the show lost McClanahan and White (along with Vint's two nondescript teenage kids) and got progressively tamer, with more standard sitcom plots and less of the early seasons' glorious excess.  Even the character of Mama herself seems to mellow somewhat as time goes by (she'd have to or we wouldn't be able to stand her after awhile) although she never completely loses that acidic edge.

The addition of the delightfully off-kilter Beverly Archer as nerdy next-door neighbor Iola gives Mama a like-minded foil to whom she can reveal her more vulnerable side. Allan Kayser also joins the cast as Eunice and Ed's juvenile delinquent son Bubba, with whom Mama gets stuck after his parents move to Florida without telling him. He's sort of a "Jethro" type and serves his purpose as an example of the crazy "younger generation" for old-fashioned Mama to play off of.

Guest stars throughout the show's run include Brent Spiner, William Windom, Geoffrey Lewis, Imogene Coca, Jack Gilford, Jerry Reed, Robert Mandan, Barney Martin, Cliff Osmond, Marge Redmond, Alan Oppenheimer, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Jack Dodson, Richard Dawson, and Alex Trebek.

The DVD set from Time-Life consists of 22 discs (130 episodes from original broadcast masters) in six cases with slipcover.  Approximate running time is 55 hours.  Episodes are in 1.33:1 full screen and stereo sound.  Each of the six season sets contains a wealth of bonus features such as a roundtable cast reunion and lengthy interviews with cast and crew including Vicki Lawrence, Carol Burnett, Ken Berry, Betty White, Dorothy Lyman, Beverly Archer, Allan Kayser, costume designer Bob Mackie, and executive producer Rick Hawkins.

"Mama's Family Tree" featurettes take a look at the show's various characters and their relationships.  There are two vintage "Family" segments from "The Carol Burnett Show", one featuring guest star Maggie Smith. 

Best of all, we get the 1982 TV-movie "Eunice", a real-time, in-studio theatrical play that follows the Harper family--Mama, Eunice, sister Ellen (White), and successful brother Phillip (Berry again), along with Harvey Korman's "Ed"--from Eunice's turbulent teen years in the 50's to the day of Mama's funeral in the late 70s. 

"Eunice" is absolutely prime stuff, a full-bodied, powerful, incredibly written and performed comedy-drama that has the live audience on its feet during the emotional curtain call.  It's the pinnacle of Burnett's "Eunice" character, played to the hilt, and is alone worth owning the set.

From its turbulent early episodes, each like a gleefully-staged trainwreck, to its more mellow final years, "Mama's Family" was one of the most enjoyably oddball examples of the sitcom genre ever to bombast its way across our television screens. MAMA'S FAMILY: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION takes all that controlled chaos, puts a lace doily on it, and lets us relive it all over again.


Available exclusively at Walmart
Read our original coverage HERE

MAMA'S FAMILY: THE COMPLETE COLLECTION -- DVD Review by Porfle

PORFLE VS. PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHO LARRY STORCH IS

 

(In honor of the great Larry Storch, star of "F Troop" and the original "Ghost Busters", who passed away on July 8, 2022, here's an oldie I wrote several years ago which expresses the high regard in which I have always held this wonderful comic actor.)

"What the hell do you mean, 'who's Larry Storch?'"

"I mean I don't know who the hell Larry Storch is!  Who the hell is Larry Storch?"

Infuriating, isn't it?  If you're like me, and find yourself in this situation at least once a day, you can understand why there are so many sudden, unexplained attacks across America every day.  Chances are, it's someone who knows who Larry Storch is attacking someone who doesn't know who he is.

Here's an example that may sound woefully familiar to you: several years ago I got set up on a blind date, and I gallantly called the young lady up in advance to verify the time and place where we'd meet--which, by the way, was a Denny's on Wilton Boulevard, since I wanted to impress her.  She asked me what I looked like, and I told her (again, wanting to impress her) that I resembled actor Larry Storch.

"Who's Larry Storch?" she inquired.

"What the hell do you mean, 'who's Larry Storch?'" I screamed, a volcanic eruption of blazing hot fury erupting like a million geysers from every fiber of my tortured being.

"I mean I don't know who the hell Larry Storch is!  Who the hell is Larry Storch?" she persisted, incredibly unaware of her own utter stupidity.

"What are you, incredibly unaware of your own utter stupidity or something?" I shrieked, kicking the glass walls out of the phone booth that I was standing in and repeatedly smashing my body into the frame until the whole thing fell over into the street with a resounding crash.  "ARE YOU SOME KIND OF A TOTAL F**KING IDIOT?  GRRRRRRR!!!  By the way, that's the Denny's on Wilton Boulevard, not the one next to the bowling alley on Burton Street."

Well, she never showed up.  She was probably too embarrassed by her own utter stupidity to show her face, and you can hardly blame her, but she could at least have stopped by my house later for the obligatory blind-date sex that I have come to expect over the years.  I've never actually had sex on a blind date, of course, but I have come to expect it.  Anyway, it's just as well, because I found out later that she looked more like Larry Storch than I do.

I guess one of the reasons that women who look like Larry Storch don't know who he is might be that people are reluctant to tell these women that they look like Larry Storch.  But that's still no excuse for never having heard of him.  Anyone who's ever watched an episode of "F Troop" or "Ghost Busters" should not only know who he is, but should in fact consider him to be one of the greatest human beings who ever walked the face of the earth, next to Robert Loggia and Ben Gazzara.  They should also know who Forrest Tucker is as well, since he co-starred in both of those series with Larry Storch.

Well, I brought all of this up at a political fundraiser that I attended several years ago, in an attempt to liven up what I considered to be some pretty boring chit-chat amongst a gaggle of pseudo-sophisticates who were standing around sipping drinks and tittering a lot.  When the mayor's wife gaily inquired, "Who's Forrest Tucker?" I poured my drink in her face.  As I congratulated myself for my restraint, another total moron--I think it was the mayor--chimed in with, "How dare you!  And 'Ghostbusters' was a movie with Bill Murray in it, not a television series!"

Again I held my temper, and responded by merely flinging the hors d'ouevres table over, drenching several people with caviar and other gooey, expensive treats.  But then, just as I was returning to my usual casual demeanor, I heard a voice say, "Yeah, and who the hell's Larry Storch?"  The next few moments are still a blur in my memory, but the next day there was a picture of me on the front page of the newspaper in which some quick-thinking photographer had managed to catch me in mid-air as I hurled myself at the governor with the crazed look of a kabuki dancer.

My interest in politics continued when I later attended the Carter-Ford debate and, after furiously waving my hand for several minutes, managed to get called upon to ask the presidential candidates a question.  When the guy held the microphone up to my face I took a deep breath, cleared my throat, and asked, "How do you feel about Larry Storch?"  A perplexed Jimmy Carter smiled uncertainly and asked, "Who's Larry Storch?"

Just as I was about to charge the stage and hurl myself at him, Gerald Ford responded confidently, "Larry Storch is the greatest actor who ever lived.  Perhaps even the greatest human being who ever lived."  Banging the podium to emphasize each word, he added, "I...love...Larry...Storch!" The audience erupted with unrestrained cheers and applause! Well, I did, anyway.  And I sure as hell voted for Gerald Ford that year.  Jimmy Carter won, though, and, as you might expect, my extensive campaign to have Larry Storch's Birthday declared a national holiday was totally ignored by the government of the United States of America for the next four years.  Talk about malaise.  That, and possibly the Iran hostage situation as well, resulted in Carter losing his bid for re-election.  Take that, Carter!  Betcha know who Larry Storch is now!  BWAH-ha-ha!!!

Well, I've cut down on my attacks in recent years.  Maybe because of the wisdom and maturity that come with age, or maybe because I was getting beaten up a lot.  But the realization that attacking people because they don't know who Larry Storch is might not be a good thing to do finally came to me as I was discussing future attacks with my trusted consigleri, Tom Hagen.  Tom, not a wartime consigleri, is often the voice of reason in contrast with my unrestrained hostility, as can be heard in the following exchange...

TOM: Now, former President Carter and the Governor of Texas are on the run. Are they worth it? And are we strong? Is it worth it? I mean you've won...you want to attack everybody?

PORFLE: I don't feel I have to attack everybody, Tom. Just people who don't know who Larry Storch is, that's all. Now, are you gonna come along with me in these things I have to do or what? Because if not, you can take your "F Troop", your "Ghost Busters", and your "Dean Martin Celebrity Roast" DVDs...trade 'em all in for Adam Sandler movies.

TOM: Why do you hurt me, Porfle? I've always been loyal to you. I mean, what is this?

PORFLE: You're right, Tom.  I should stop attacking people who don't know who Larry Storch is.

TOM: Well, you should try to cut down, anyway.

PORFLE VS. PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHO LARRY STORCH IS

DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR -- DVD review by porfle

 Originally posted on 6/25/11

 

Roger Corman strikes again with another mutant monster fest that's actually a cut above the rest.  The rest, that is, of these bizarro beast brawls that the venerable producer has been churning out for the SyFy Channel lately.  While DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR (2010) never strives to be more than the addlebrained B-picture that it is, it's still better than the likes of SHARKTOPUS.  And, for once, the CGI is pretty darn good.

In his final film appearance, David Carradine plays Jason Drake, a shady millionaire who commissions some scientists to develop techniques for growing oversized food, then orders them to apply the same science to living animals so he can sell the results to the military.  Two of the results, a dinocroc and a supergator, escape from the secluded lab and gobble up all the scientists they can eat before heading off to more populated areas.  This opening sequence is pretty cool and lets us know right away that the SPFX in this movie aren't going to be all that painful to look at.  In fact, they're rather impressive at times.

Not so impressive are the acting and dialogue, but in a movie called DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR I don't exactly expect to see Sir Lawrence Olivier doing "Hamlet."  Carradine, who does most of his scenes lounging in a chair by the pool, is there to grab a paycheck and soak up the Hawaiian scenery.  Rib Hillis is adequate as crossbow-slinging tough guy "The Cajun", whom Drake hires to kill the escaped monsters, and Amy Rasimas is suitably plucky and hot as Cassidy, who is some kind of game warden or something so she gets to wear a skimpy uniform.
 


Corey Landis plays the role of FBI investigator Paul Beaumont, assigned to collect evidence against Drake, with an enjoyably light touch.  (His hideous Hawaiian shirt is a nice running gag.) I especially liked Lisa Clapperton as Drake's bad-girl assistant Victoria, a heartless hitwoman who likes to kill people.  Former Penthouse Pet and softcore sex film star Delia Sheppard appears as a scientist who escapes the initial carnage and tries to warn the world of the impending lizard attack.

It's all very tongue-in-cheek, with director Jim Wynorski (as "Jay Andrews") giving it all a dynamic visual quality that includes some really nice camerawork and a fairly brisk pace despite some draggy spots.  Shot mostly on the Hawaiian island of Kauai, the scenery is often spectacular and there's no shortage of bikini girls running around serving themselves up as reptile treats.  Quite a few people get eaten, in fact, including some mercenaries sent in by Drake to kill the escaped animals and finish off the surviving scientists.  Two of them have a dialogue exchange I found amusing:

"Man, I don't think I could stomach shooting civilians like that."
"Don't think of it as civilians.  Think of it as dollar signs."
 


In most shots the creatures' movements are relatively fluid and natural, and they seem to have weight and substance.  A sequence with the supergator chasing a speeding jeep down a dirt road (a la JURASSIC PARK) features some outstanding CGI and is just one of many effects scenes that I found particularly well-done for a film of this kind.  The final battle between dinocroc and supergator is handled nicely as well, although this title altercation comes as a brief, one-sided letdown.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 sound.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras include a laidback commentary track with Roger Corman and Jim Wynorsky, and the film's trailer.

Unlike some of the other films in this oddball sub-genre, DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR actually feels sort of like a real movie that you can enjoy without lowering your expectation level to rock-bottom.  Still, it never takes itself seriously enough to try and be anything more than what it is--a competently-made and fairly enjoyable junk film.    



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DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR -- DVD review by porfle

HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL -- DVD review by porfle

  Originally posted on 8/22/14

 

When two great tastes go together, it can create something magically delicious. Thus, when someone back in 1958 had the bright idea of mixing the cool-cat teen angst of REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE with the old-fogey paranoia toward the dreaded marijuana of REEFER MADNESS, out hopped the hipster hoot HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL (1958) to tickle our cinematic taste buds.

The film declares its intention to lure the nation's youth by opening with none other than Jerry Lee Lewis belting out the rockin' theme song from the back of a truck that's toodling slowly by the titular institution. Following closely behind is bad-boy new kid in school Tony Baker, played by Russ Tamblyn (who still had the highs of WEST SIDE STORY and the lows of DRACULA VS. FRANKENSTEIN in his future).

Russ looks like the kind of guy girls used to beat up back in high school, but here, he's the most bad-ass thing to hit the hallowed halls of Hop-Head High since ducktails and saddle shoes. Why, he even pulls out a "reefer" in the Principal's office! No doubt about it, this slang-spoutin' kid's a rebel.

We then get a load of the rest of the cast, and it's a doozy--Jan Sterling as Miss Williams, the hot teacher with the heart of gold, Diane Jergens as gullible student Joan, who's being led down the path of marijuana addiction by the creepy J.I. (played by Drew's dad John Drew Barrymore), and--as Tony's aunt, "Gwen Dulaine", no less--the torpedo-chested blonde bombshell Mamie Van Doren.

There's also Jackie "Uncle Fester" Coogan (continuing his upward climb from dreck like MESA OF LOST WOMEN to better material that would also include THE BEAT GENERATION and SEX KITTENS GO TO COLLEGE, which reunited him with Mamie van Doren) as local drug kingpin "Mr. A", Charles Chaplin, Jr., Mel Welles of LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS, William Wellman, Jr., Ray Anthony, Ed Wood regular Lyle Talbot as a shady police inspector, and the previous year's "Teenage Werewolf" himself, a pre-"Bonanza" Michael Landon. (I haven't found Gil Perkins or William Smith yet.)

Our boy Tony wastes no time demonstrating to everyone how tough and super-cool he is, and letting it be known that he's in the market to deal some weed to his classmates in need. This gets him introduced to Mr. A, but first he makes a little time with both Miss Williams and the jittery Joan, who is fast acquiring a marijuana monkey on her back. Of course, there's also the expected run-ins with various tough guys from school including J.I. and his gang of jock-types known as "The Wheeler-Dealers", whom Tony smirkingly blows off by waving his switchblade around.

In lieu of REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE's nerve-jangling "chicky run" is a nocturnal auto race that ends with Tony and Joan being hauled in by the cops when Tony's bag of reefers pops out of his hubcap, which we could've told him was a dumb place to hide them right before an auto race anyway. The fact that there's a horrifying car crash in which the driver emerges bloodied but unharmed (and even smiling cheerfully) seems to tell young viewers that such dangerous activities are okay as long as they remain unsullied by the evil weed.

An incessant amount of jive lingo is the order of the day for these young punks. "Man, you sure told off the fuzz in the pokey!" "Crazy!" "What a drag--you bugged this jam like a real L-7!" There's a coffee-house hangout reminiscent of "The Purple Pit" from Jerry Lewis' 1963 hit THE NUTTY PROFESSOR in which hot jazz is accompanied by some of the worst beat poetry ever recited by kids who appear to be in their 20s, and in some cases 30s.

When Joan tries to light up at their table, Tony lets her have it: "Hey, you torchin' up? Now don't be a drag, kitten--we don't wanna get caught with the reefer again! I had enough of the pokey and all that jazz." But even here, the mood is on the brighter side of sleazy, and by the last fifteen minutes or so the whole thing starts to resemble an episode of a high-end 50s cop show, including a brawl and a shoot-out.

When Tony finally gets a meeting with Mr. A, Coogan deftly lays on the sleaze as he describes how poor Doris, suffering in agony from heroin withdrawal in the next room (the inevitable result of smoking reefer), wouldn't cooperate with his offer to turn her on if she'd work in his "nice little 'home' upstate. But--heh--she wants to be a 'lady.'" At this point Tony definitely seems to be in over his head and looking at a forecast of unexpected danger with the possibility of scattered bullets.

The film boasts the usual solid direction by 50s superstar Jack Arnold (CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, IT CAME FROM OUTER SPACE, and numerous other classics) and the DVD print displays good, crisp quality for the most part, albeit a little rough and imperfect in spots--which, with a movie like this, is just the way I like it.

Arnold seems to have a ball directing some of this fun-filled stuff, especially one sparks-filled dialogue scene between competing blondes Mamie Van Doren and Jan Sterling in which super-slinky Mamie delivers her sassy, hardboiled dialogue with dazzling aplomb. Later, she's like a female barracuda as she tries to seduce her "hunky" nephew Tony, cooing "What's cookin'?" as he gets dressed and telling him he'd better "tell that Staples kid to drop dead!"

The DVD from Olive Films is in 2.35:1 widescreen with English mono sound. No subtitles or extras.

HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL may deliver pretty much the same "marijuana leads to ruin" message as REEFER MADNESS, but not nearly as stridently or with as strong an intent to shock or scare. There's a bizarre curtain call ending in which the narrator assures us all is well and that from now on, "Joan will confine her smoking to regular cigarettes." But a final blast of that theme song by Jerry Lee Lewis seems to portend a little something called "the 60s" that was just around the corner.

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HIGH SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL -- DVD review by porfle

SHED OF THE DEAD -- Movie Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 4/19/19

 

Still need your "zombie comedy" fix after SHAUN OF THE DEAD? If so, you might want to try a visit to the SHED OF THE DEAD (2019, Indican Pictures).

Monty Python's Arthur Jackson may have had two sheds, but one's enough to get Trevor (Spencer Brown) into trouble. It sits on one of many verdant plots of land where nice British people do their gardening, but Trevor's plot has gone to seed while he stays in his shed meticulously crafting medieval warrior figures with which to have intense fantasy wargames with his corpulent nerdy friend Graham (Ewen MacIntosh, "The Office").

The proper gardeners, led by Mr. Parsons (a very proper Kane Hodder), are threatening to have Trevor evicted, but their plans are thwarted by the onset of a very inconvenient zombie apocalypse.

 

It takes a while for this to fully spread into their little neck of the suburbs, however (Trevor manages to miss all the frantic radio reports), and in the meantime we observe out-of-work Trevor's dicey relationship with nagging wife Bobbi (Lauren Socha) and her dominatrix friend Harriet (Emily Booth, GRINDHOUSE), for whom Graham carries a very long, hard torch.

The action stops every once in awhile to delve into some of Trevor's medieval wargame fantasies in which he plays magical warrior knight Casimir. These interludes are nicely rendered with some fairly good green screen and well-drawn motion comics. 

Back in the real world, things really get going when Trevor accidentally kills Mr. Parsons and, while cutting up the body for a hasty burial, is attacked by the now-zombiefied Mr. Parsons' legless torso within the cramped confines of his tiny shed.  It's one of the film's goriest sequences, and lets us know that the laughs in this movie will definitely be tempered by occasional bursts of the old ultra-violence.

While the photography's a bit murky at times, production values are good and director Drew Cullingham (A VAMPIRE'S TALE, BLACK SMOKE RISING) stretches his budget dollars (or pounds, in this case) quite well.  When the zombie attacks finally occur, there's good use of extras to make the zombie horde look larger and more menacing. 

An old-fashioned zombie siege takes place when Trevor, Bobbi, Harriet, and Graham end up fighting off the undead as they invade Trevor and Bobbi's house.  There are some very imaginative variations on the familiar tropes, with Trevor and Graham taking on aspects of their wargaming alter egos, and just as things look hopeless the script pulls off some nice twists that send the whole thing off with a bang. 

Performances by the leads are fine, with Spencer Brown's Trevor carrying most of the seriocomic weight while the rest provide ample support. The rest of the cast comes with quite a substantial pedigree, with the aforementioned Kane Hodder (FRIDAY THE 13TH, OLD 37, BTK, CHILLERAMA) as Mr. Parsons, Michael Berryman (THE HILLS HAVE EYES, THE TENANT) in a delightful turn as one of Harriet's clients, Bill Moseley (HOUSE OF 1,000 CORPSES, THE CHURCH) as dedicated zombie hunter "Doc", and Brian Blessed (FLASH GORDON, "I, Claudius") providing full-throated narration.

While hardly a Romero-level epic, SHED OF THE DEAD pulls its weight as a funny, suspenseful, gore-drenched zombie romp that takes a nice, big, juicy chomp out of the genre and really gives us something to chew on. 


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TECH SPECS
Runtime: 85 minutes
Format:  2:35
Sound: Dolby Sr.
Country: USA
Language: English

SHED OF THE DEAD -- Movie Review by Porfle

GONE WITH THE WIND 75TH ANNIVERSARY ULTIMATE COLLECTOR'S EDITION -- Blu-ray review by porfle

(Stills used in this review are not taken from the Blu-ray disc. This review was originally posted on 10/16/14.)

The year 1939, many believe, was the pinnacle of creativity in Hollywood, and MGM's super-production GONE WITH THE WIND is widely regarded as the finest film to come out of it. Unfortunately, I haven't had much luck over the years with trying to like it as much as I'm supposed to.

Watching the cut up, squeezed onto a small screen, interrupted by frequent commercials, and spread out over two nights version on network TV was underwhelming. Years later, my neighbor loaned me the 2-volume VHS version but I can't even remember if I watched it or not.

So I was determined that now, with the GONE WITH THE WIND 75TH ANNIVERSARY ULTIMATE COLLECTOR'S EDITION from Warner Bros. Home Entertainment in my hot little hands, I was going to sit down and, for the first time, really, really watch this undying classic. Like, definitively watch it, paying undivided attention to it and everything.

This time I think I finally got the most out of it that I'm ever going to get. The bottom line is that I find GONE WITH THE WIND not all that moving as drama, but as impressive as a movie can be when it comes to mind-boggling spectacle and sheer Hollywood movie-making magic--the quintessential "movie-movie."

Visually, it's simply one of the most gorgeous works of art ever concocted for the screen. Bold, impressionistic use of Technicolor coupled with exquisite special effects, set design, camerawork, and lighting combine to create an endless succession of stunning images.

Much of what we see in this recreation of the Old South before, during, and after the Civil War is purely the work of MGM's technical department, and watching these images unfold for close to four hours, especially in the first half before the intermission, almost felt like stuffing myself with some rich dessert.

The story, taken from Margaret Mitchell's wildly popular novel, takes place in an antebellum fairytale land ("Here in this pretty world, Gallantry took its last bow" the film's scrolling introduction tells us) of genteel, benevolent plantation masters, contented slaves, and a generation of young ladies and gentlemen whose leisure hours are filled with elegant parties and breathless romantic infatuations.

Probably the most breathless of them all is the Tara plantation's teenaged princess Scarlett O'Hara (Vivien Leigh), a spoiled, silly young girl who expects to get her own way even if that includes stealing handsome Ashley Wilkes (Leslie Howard) away from his intended bride and 2nd cousin Melanie Hamilton (Olivia de Havilland).

But a chance meeting with dashing rogue Rhett Butler (Clark Gable) during a party at the Wilkes' family mansion Twelve Oaks will usher in a new era of turbulent romantic entanglements in Scarlett's young life, one which will be intertwined with the encroachment of the Civil War and its devastating effect on an entire civilization soon to be "gone with the wind."

When war comes, it's here that Scarlett's character finally gains some dimension after being thrust into a chaotic world of violence and terror. Caught in an Atlanta that's under attack, she helps tend wounded soldiers until the enormity of war's horror (a famous wide shot of hundreds of injured men is still staggering) drives her away. But then she must deal with a weakened Melanie's painful delivery of her child while Northern forces close in.

Her frantic flight from the burning city in Rhett's carriage along with Melanie, her baby, and young slave girl Prissy (an endearingly funny Butterfly McQueen) is a thrilling high point of the film as they're menaced by crazed scavengers as well as exploding munitions and collapsing ruins.

Fans of KING KONG can even watch the Great Wall from that film go up in a final blaze of glory in one specatacular sequence. Like much of GONE WITH THE WIND's visual splendor, it's the kind of dazzling imagery that you just can't get with CGI. The later scenes at the ruins of Twelve Oaks and Tara, where Scarlett discovers just how lost her former life is, have a bleak, haunting quality that's nightmarish.

It's shocking to see such an idyllic, "pretty" existence so ruthlessly destroyed. When GONE WITH THE WIND is dealing with things like war's destructive and pointless waste in such effectively graphic terms, its easier to accept the film's initial idealization of the Old South way of life. The fact that this involves something of an idealization of slavery itself remains problematic. And yet, I once knew a black woman who counted this as her all-time favorite movie.

It helps that the black characters are all sympathetic even though largely stereotypical, and that the funny but wise Mammy (Hattie McDaniel, who won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress) is more of a caring maternal figure to Scarlett than the rather aloof Mrs. Ellen O'Hara (Barbara O'Neill).

At any rate, all of this changes after the war ravages Scarlett's world and forces her to scrounge in the dirt, figuratively and literally, for her very existence while carpetbaggers try to wrest Tara from her grasp. In desperation she begins using men such as family friend Mr. Kennedy (Carroll Nye), whom she seduces away from her own sister, and finally the wealthy Rhett Butler, who offers financial support in return for the pretense of a tempestuous romance.

The rest of the story is a maelstrom of torrid emotional conflicts, deceptions, and assorted tragedies, most of them resulting from Scarlett's undying selfishness. Even as she enters middle age she's still the coquettish belle of the ball in her own mind. She uses people like pawns to further her own ends and is hardly an admirable heroine save for her tenacity and, in some cases, a reckless kind of courage.

I've never been able to make myself care much about Scarlett and I still find her generally insufferable, although Vivien Leigh's performance is so utterly perfect that it's a wonder to behold. The same holds true for the stalwart Clark Gable, whose manly and mostly honorable Rhett Butler is the main reason for me to stick with the sometimes turgid second half of the story. I can't imagine any other actor being able to pull off the role as well--his delivery of Rhett's celebrated final line is an unparalleled moment in film.

GONE WITH THE WIND is dense, intoxicating, a one-time-only convergence of creative forces that's almost otherworldly. It's like a cinematic fever dream. Maybe that's why I've always had trouble remembering previous viewings--as do other dreams, it drifts back into the ether when I awaken from it.

Warner Bros. four-disc, limited and numbered GONE WITH THE WIND 75TH ANNIVERSARY ULTIMATE COLLECTOR'S EDITION set adds to the excitement of the movie itself with some fun extras. Upon opening the box you get a handsome, richly-illustrated book about the film's opulent costuming entitled "Forever Scarlett: The Immortal Style of Gone With the Wind." In addition to this there's a music box with a picture of Rhett and Scarlett, and one of Rhett's monogrammed handkerchiefs.

Disc one is the Blu-ray restoration of the movie itself, which also contains a commentary track by film historian Rudy Behlmer and the original mono soundtrack.

Disc two features the TV-movie "Moviola: The Scarlett O'Hara War" which we reviewed HERE. There are also numerous other extras including:

"The Making of a Legend: Gone With the Wind"
"1939: Hollywood's Greatest Year"
"Gone With the Wind: The Legend Lives On"
"Gable: The King Remembered"
"Vivien Leigh: Scarlett and Beyond"
"Melanie Remembers: Reflections by Olivia De Havilland"
Cast and production bios, trailers, newsreels, and more

Disc three contains a documentary entitled "Old South, New South" which addresses, in depth, the issue of race in the film and in reality. There's also more newsreel footage of the film's Atlanta premiere.

Disc four is a flipper featuring the lengthy and exhaustive documentary "MGM: When the Lion Roars", hosted by Patrick Stewart.

Finally, the keepcase contains instructions on how to obtain your own digital HD copy of the film.

GONE WITH THE WIND is presented in its original non-widescreen format with Dolby Digital 5.1 soundtracks in English, French, and Spanish, and subtitles in several languages.

Full coverage of the "Gone with the Wind 75th Anniversary Ultimate Collector’s Edition" can be found HERE.

 
Stream rare and hard-to-find movies and TV shows at Warner Archive Instant; purchase discs at Warner Archive Collection. Even more at www.wbshop.com or www.wbultra.com

GONE WITH THE WIND 75TH ANNIVERSARY ULTIMATE COLLECTOR'S EDITION -- Blu-ray review by porfle

PATRICK (1978) -- Blu-ray/DVD review by porfle

 Originally posted on 3/22/14

 

I don't know about you, but my initial introduction to the Australian film boom of the late 70s-early 80s came mainly from the pay-cable channel Cinemax, a redheaded stepchild to HBO which, in those days, was kind of like having your own private small-screen drive-in.  It was there that I first saw (and taped for repeated viewings) such entertaining genre flicks from "dan-unda" as MAD MAX, ROAD GAMES,  and DEAD KIDS (aka STRANGE BEHAVIOR).

One which I considered the lesser of the bunch at the time was a strange little tale called, simply, PATRICK (1978).  Maybe I just watched it wrong, or didn't really pay proper attention to its rather stately-paced story.  Maybe it was the cheap dubbing with American voices that the U.S. distributors insisted on, or perhaps it was the murky pan-and-scan print.  Anyway,  I wasn't very impressed.

Now,  however, thanks to Severin Films' current release of several of these old faves on Blu-ray, I've had a chance to rewatch, reappraise, and, finally, newly appreciate PATRICK for what it is--a solid, engrossing horror/suspense thriller that really sticks to your ribs. 

Not the least of the reasons why it's so good is that it was directed by Hitchcock aficionado Richard Franklin, who would go on to make the aforementioned ROAD GAMES and, true to his devotion to the master of suspense, the belated Hitchcock sequel PSYCHO II. 

PATRICK definitely looks like it was made by someone who studied a lot of Hitchcock films, especially PSYCHO (even the hospital in the story resembles that spooky old house behind the Bates Motel).  Brian May's typically lush and powerful musical score, while sounding distinctly May-esque, follows suit by paying tribute to Bernard Herrmann in several key moments. (Note: If you listen to the Italian language track you can hear the alternate musical score by Goblin!)

And just as Norman Bates murdered his mother and her lover before the action in that film begins, here we see a pre-titles sequence in which a troubled young Patrick (Robert Thompson, THIRST), ambulatory for the only time in the movie, surprises his mother and a soapy suitor by tossing an electric heater into their bathtub.  When next we see him three years later, he's comatose in a hospital bed,  stiff as a plank, his eyes perpetually open wide. 

Jittery,  excitable Dr. Roget (renowned actor and ballet dancer Robert Helpmann of CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG and THE RED SHOES) has trouble finding nurses to tend the creepy patient so orders his reluctant head nurse to hire Kathy Jacquard (Susan Penhaligon, THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT) on the spot when she applies for the job after separating from her husband.

It's during Kathy's private quality time with Patrick that she begins to suspect he's conscious and aware, a suspicion borne out when she discovers that he can use his mental powers to communicate with her via the typewriter she uses for hospital clerical work.  Patrick's telekinetic powers become more pronounced and more deadly when his burgeoning love for her turns to violent jealousy against her ex-husband Ed (Rod Mullinar, THIRST, BREAKER MORANT) and would-be lover Dr. Brian Wright (Bruce Barry). 

He also strikes back in a big way against Dr. Roget when the doc starts experimenting on him secretly, and Matron Cassidy (Julia Blake, X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE), the head nurse who thinks Patrick should be euthanized.  Patrick's clashes with these two medical authority figures who hold his fate in their hands provide the film with some of its most gripping passages. 

Also keeping us on the edge of our seats are Patrick's homicidal thought crimes directed at the increasingly hapless men in Kathy's life.  Some signs of his growing power are as subtle as the water in Brian's swimming pool rippling as he and Kathy get romantic.  Elsewhere, an opening elevator door (which we know should be out-of-order) beckons Ed inside for what will prove to be a lengthy detour on his way upstairs to visit Kathy at the hospital. 

Strangely enough, there isn't a whole lot of violence in PATRICK,  at least nowhere near as much as you might expect.  I don't even think it ever shows any of his victims actually dying on camera.  (We do see a frog death that animal lovers will find disturbing despite a disclaimer that the frogs in the film were killed under some kind of official zoological supervision.) 

Susan Penhaligon is a likable heroine, while Helpmann overacts wonderfully as the sort of doctor who's a little too fond of weird research.  As the title character, Robert Thompson doesn't do much besides lie there the whole time, but he certainly has the perfect look for Patrick--you take one gander at that tensed, malevolent face and bulging eyes and you know something diabolical is going on in that supposedly dead brain.

Best of all, perhaps, is Julia Blake as Matron Cassidy.  Hers is a performance that can really be savored and admired.  There's a terrific scene in which her character is chewing out Kathy for getting too "close" to Patrick, and for five minutes or so her expert delivery makes the film absolutely riveting.  Later, she's at the center of one of the more suspenseful and Hitchcock-like sequences as she creeps surreptitiously through the darkened hospital with the aim of finally pulling the plug on Patrick once and for all.

The story takes its own sweet time getting started, so some modern viewers may be bored stiff wondering when the non-stop bloody thrills and gore are going to start flying at them.  This is the kind of film you settle into and allow it to weave its leisurely but increasingly compelling story--sort of like curling up with a good book instead of playing a fast-paced video game.  If you're not in a big hurry to be thrilled, it's well worth sitting back and letting it go about building up to some creepy and sometimes shocking situations.

The Blu-ray/DVD combo from Severin Films is in 1.77:1/16x9 anamorphic widescreen with English, Spanish, French, and Italian Dolby 2.0 sound.  No subtitles.  Extras include an informative Richard Franklin commentary track, original trailer and TV spots, an hour's worth of entertaining cast and crew interviews from the documentary "Not Quite Hollywood", a vintage TV interview with Franklin, and two fun Easter eggs--one is a trailer for the lurid Italian sequel, and the other a TV spot that should be a treat for fans of "The CBS Late Movie."  The film's original cut was 140 minutes, the USA cut 96 minutes--this print runs for about 112.

PATRICK is a good example of the distinctive Richard Franklin style, a bit like early Argento or Cronenberg in that it sometimes hints of that kind of vibe. There's a sure hand at work here although you don't really see any "style" until it's needed, and never for its own sake.   Neither a rollercoaster ride nor a cold blast of horror from out of an abattoir, this is simply a solid, involving, and satisfying old-school horror tale that you don't have to be brain-dead to appreciate.

Buy the Blu-Ray/DVD combo at Amazon.com

PATRICK (1978) -- Blu-ray/DVD review by porfle

THE HILLS HAVE EYES (1977) -- DVD review by porfle

 Originally posted on 9/16/11

 

Back in the 80s when I was compulsively renting more videos than I would ever be able to remember, two of Wes Craven's more notorious horror classics passed through my VCR and then went swirling off into the recesses of my mental abyss.  A while back I revisited one of them, THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT, and found it to be a disappointment.  Now comes the other one, THE HILLS HAVE EYES (1977), also enjoying a new DVD release, and this time the revisit is a welcome experience. 

Craven seems to have improved as a filmmaker between these two flicks, and so has his choice of actors.  The look of the film still betrays the low budget and Craven's inexperience, yet there is some style and he does a good job of staging scenes within cramped confines (car, camper trailer) while also taking good advantage of the Mojave desert's wide open spaces.  His cast is better here, too--while their thespian skills aren't always up to par, they handle the more hotly emotional material with abandon. 

Naturally, the older cast members are the most skilled.  Veteran actor John Steadman, best remembered by me as "Pop" in the original THE LONGEST YARD, plays Fred, proprietor of a "last chance" gas station in the middle of nowhere.  Russ Grieve and Virginia Vincent (I WANT TO LIVE!, THE RETURN OF DRACULA) are Bob and Ethel Carter, who stop by for a fill-up before taking their family into the desert while vacationing after Bob's retirement.

Old Fred tries to warn them to stay clear of the area, knowing that there's a family of vicious cannibals out there led by his own son, Jupiter (James Whitworth, TERMINAL ISLAND), a misshapen, split-nosed giant with a mean streak a mile wide.  The Carters, of course, disregard Fred's warnings and are subsequently terrorized by the murderous savages until forced to throw off their veneer of civilization and fight back in kind.

Craven takes his time introducing us to the family, gradually allowing a sense of dread to creep in after they break down in the desert.  While not entirely realistic, they're more three-dimensional and less cartoonish than most of the characters in LAST HOUSE, and the awful comic relief that marred the earlier film is mercifully lacking here. 

The hill people are barely glimpsed at first but their presence is felt as their actions become more overt.  When Bob takes a nocturnal hike to Fred's gas station for help, Jupiter's sudden entrance is a shocker that would be imitated in "Friday the 13th Part 2."  What happens after that is a starkly violent descent into nightmare that keeps the story gripping and fast-paced until the very end.

Future fan fave Dee Wallace makes her third film appearance as Lynne, whose husband Doug (Martin Speer, who resembles a "Simpsons" character) is along for the trip.  Robert Houston plays her brother Bobby Carter, an insecure teen trying to prove himself to a domineering father.  Susan Lanier doesn't make much of an impression at first as flighty younger sister Brenda, but when the action starts and she goes into screaming panic mode, her ability to totally freak out is striking. 

On the other side, James Whitworth is an imposing Jupiter, especially when he's berating a "civilized" captive while munching on his barbecued arm.  Legendary actor Michael Berryman, whose career has spanned everything from ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST and STAR TREK IV: THE VOYAGE HOME to the more recent THE DEVIL'S REJECTS, lends his eerie Boris Karloff-like countenance to the film and its poster as Pluto.

The attack on the Carters' camper by Pluto and his equally animalistic brother Mars (Lance Gordon) is one of the film's most harrowing setpieces and demonstrates to the viewer that no character is safe from brutal death.  The unnerving capper to the scene is the kidnapping of Lynne's infant daughter as a future feast for the cannibals.

HILLS kicks into high gear when the surviving Carters decide to fight such savagery with a little savagery of their own, proving surprisingly adept and creative at the task even as certain aspects of it are a terrible affront to their humanity.  They're aided in this by Jupiter's daughter, Ruby (Janus Blythe in a fine performance), who rebels against the brutality of her family and puts her own life in danger by helping the strangers. 

Jupiter's final assault on the campers is a thrilling sequence in which they counterattack with amazing ingenuity, but it's the grueling hand-to-hand fight between Doug and Mars which really punctuates all that's gone before (the very last shot is stunningly good).  Here, Craven gives the film one of the most effective abrupt endings I've seen, akin to a writer dotting his last sentence with a sharp jab of the pen.   

The DVD from Image Entertainment's "Midnight Madness" series is in 1.85:1 widescreen with both Dolby 5.1 and original mono sound, and the film looks pretty good for its age.  No subtitles.  Extras consist of a trailer and a chummy commentary with Craven and producer Peter Locke, which appears to be from an earlier release since they thank Anchor Bay at the end.  The two offer lots of good behind-the-scenes info including how difficult it was to secure an "R" rating due to the film's graphic violence and disturbing themes.

I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked THE HILLS HAVE EYES upon seeing it again after so many years.  What Craven and Locke accomplished on this trip into the desert with their low budget, small crew, and limited resources remains an impressive achievement that rises above other films of its ilk to provide chilling, suspenseful, and freaky fun.

THE HILLS HAVE EYES (1977) -- DVD review by porfle