LORNA DOONE -- DVD Review by Porfle

(Originally posted on 4/21/11

 

LARRY: "And what might your name be, lass?"
LORNA: "Perhaps you've heard it, 'tis Lorna Doone."
SHEMP: "Hi, Lorna!  How ya Doone?"

This exchange from the Three Stooges short "Scotched in Scotland" was pretty much all I ever knew about Lorna Doone, never having read R.D. Blackmore's 1869 novel, seen any of the previous film adaptations, or eaten the cookies.  Now, Acorn Media's DVD release of the Thames Television production of LORNA DOONE (1990) brings me up to speed on the story, although not quite as entertainingly as I might've liked.

It gets off to a good start with a prologue showing how young John Ridd's father was murdered by Carver Doone (Sean Bean, FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, GOLDENEYE) of the Doone clan, a once-noble family now known as marauding outlaws.  This sequence is quite well done and gives John his first glimpse of Lorna, whom Carver has just kidnapped after killing her parents.  It also introduces us to the vast, gloomy countryside that plays such a major role in setting the mood of the film.



Twelve years later we find the older John (Clive Owen, SIN CITY) living with his sister Annie (Jane Gurnett) and mother Sarah (Billie Whitelaw, THE OMEN) on their small farm beneath the ever-lowering sky of rural England.  A chance meeting with the now-grown Lorna (Polly Walker) sparks a forbidden love that stirs things up big-time between the Ridds and the Doones, leading to a deadly feud involving half the local population.

Being a fan of Emily Bronte's "Wuthering Heights", I was expecting a tempestuous romance similar to that of Heathcliff and Catherine, but the match-up of John and Lorna is a rather tepid affair.  It begins with a 17th-century "meet cute"--John tumbles over a waterfall while fishing and is plucked from the water by Lorna--and never really gets all that passionate or even convincing.  Clive Owen's stiff performance doesn't help, and Polly Walker's Lorna scarcely resembles Bronte's feral nature-child Catherine.

The most warm and heartfelt love affair, in fact, is the one between John's sister Annie and their cousin, notorious highwayman Tom Faggus (Miles Anderson), who comes to the farm seeking asylum.   Tom is a likable rogue and the story comes to life when he's onscreen, whether courting Annie or helping the Ridds fend off the attacking Doone clan in one of the film's two major battle sequences. 

It's here that LORNA DOONE sparks the most interest, although the direction and editing during these scenes is somewhat clumsy.  Sean Bean does all he can with his one-note character and is an effective scenery-chewing villain.  A later attack on the Doone compound by John and his fellow farmers, after the local militia fails to take action, is another relative highpoint.



Still, it's a pretty bland affair, with uninspired direction and unremarkable performances in the lead roles.  The script seems to be checking off the main parts of the story in rather cursory fashion, while the Cliff Notes dialogue lacks depth.  It all gets much more involving when we begin to learn of Lorna's true origins, with some pretty grand surprises in store for the Ridd family, but little of it truly effects us on an emotional level.

Supporting performances are strong, with Jane Gurnett and Miles Anderson as Annie and Tom being the most likable members of the cast. Billie Whitelaw, of course, can't help but be good no matter what she's in.  As Carver's young son Ensie, who is later adopted by John, the diminutive Euan Grant MacLachlan is wonderfully expressive. 

The DVD from Acorn Media is in fullscreen with Dolby Digital sound and English subtitles.  Text-based extras consist of cast filmographies and a biography of novelist R.D. Blackmore.

I probably shouldn't be too picky, since this is a television production that was probably done on a low budget and a tight schedule.  It does manage to maintain interest throughout its running time, with a rich period atmosphere and a smattering of fairly good scenes here and there.  But in the end, this version of LORNA DOONE does little more than make me want to seek out a better one.

LORNA DOONE -- DVD Review by Porfle

ZULU DAWN -- Blu-Ray/DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 3/12/13

 

The Battle of Isandlwana is known as history's worst defeat of a "modern" army by native forces, and you'll see why when you watch Severin Films' Blu-Ray/DVD release of the rip-roaring ZULU DAWN (1979), a disheartening portrait of a pointless and utterly wasteful military massacre.

It's 1879, and the supremely arrogant Lord Chelmsford (Peter O'Toole), who commands the British Army in South Africa, is eager to declare war on the Zulu Empire for fun and profit.  He sends an unreasonable ultimatum to the Zulu king, Cetshwayo, which is rightly refused, giving Lord Chelmsford an excuse to go on the offensive.

"My only fear is that the Zulus will avoid an engagement," Chelmsford haughtily remarks, and a successful initial skirmish with a small band of Zulus reinforces his false confidence.  But unknown to him, King Cetshwayo has 30,000 fierce warriors ready to bring the fight to the advancing enemy, and when they clash with the unsuspecting British forces it quickly escalates into a terrifying one-sided slaughter.

Before this, however, ZULU DAWN takes its sweet time building up to the action as we watch the overconfident British forces at work and play in the town of Natal.  We see them as sophisticated gentleman soldiers dashing around self-importantly on horseback or engaging in spirited training exercises and bonding rituals as though living some curdled version of the "Boys' Adventure" tales.  Only Col. Anthony Durnford (Burt Lancaster) seems to have any understanding of the Zulus and how dangerous it is to underestimate them, but Chelmsford dismisses his warnings.

An elegant garden party gives officers and their families a taste of proper English life as realistic characters rub shoulders with familiar caricatures such as the achingly genteel Fanny Colenso (Anna Caulder-Marshall, WUTHERING HEIGHTS).  The party ends with the declaration of war and before long, horsemen and infantry are marching toward Zululand as their keen anticipation of battle grows.  "What a wonderful adventure we're undertaking!" one of them beams while riding briskly along on horseback.    

Meanwhile, we're given a preview of what they're up against when we see King Cetshwayo impassively viewing a fight to the death and reacting to Lord Chelmsford's ultimatum with a calm dismissal.  He's cruel and unyielding, ordering executions without trials and ruling with an iron fist, but we can't help but see his side of the issue and sympathize, as the film clearly aims to throw our loyalties for either side into conflict.  On one hand, the Zulus are protecting their homeland from outsiders and are portrayed as brave, loyal comrades.  On the other, honorable soldiers are being sent unprepared into a hopeless battle at the behest of unworthy superiors. 

When the two forces finally meet, it's like Custer's Last Stand multiplied by ten.  Current filmmakers like Peter Jackson can give us millions of CGI-generated soldiers in conflict, but there's still nothing quite as impressive as seeing thousands of actual people going at it on an expansive cinematic battlefield that's roiling with furious action. 

The clash of fighting styles is woefully evident as the smartly-dressed British line up in neat rows and fire in an orderly fashion while the Zulus stampede toward them by the thousands like a human avalanche.  Almost the entire second half of ZULU DAWN consists of such an overwhelming defeat of the British that there's barely even any suspense save the question of how long the massacre will last. 

Scattered vignettes depict small instances of valor that are somewhat redeeming, such as the attempt of Lt. William Vereker (Simon Ward) to rescue the battalion's colors and carry them to safety, and the heroism of C.S.M. Williams (Bob Hoskins) as he fights to the death in hand-to-hand combat alongside a callow young soldier with whom he has formed a fatherly bond.  We get to know some of the Zulus as well, as they're captured by the British and tortured before giving false information and, eventually, managing to escape as their erstwhile captors are then led into an ambush.

Peter O'Toole and Burt Lancaster are superb as they lead a remarkable cast including Denholm Elliott (RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK), Simon Ward, Bob Hoskins, John Mills, Freddie Jones, Ronald Lacey, Nigel Davenport, Phil Daniels, Michael Jayston, and Anna Calder-Marshall.  Composer Elmer Bernstein (THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, THE GREAT ESCAPE) contributes a score that's passable but not up to his usual standards.

Director Douglas Hickox (THEATER OF BLOOD, THE GIANT BEHEMOTH) handles first unit photography in a consistently interesting and imaginative way, with the initial scenes evincing a drollness and dry wit that evolves into an epic grandeur that's often bracing.  The main drawback is that much of the film's first half is almost too dry and conservatively paced, although this is more than made up for by the continuous action that follows the halfway mark.
 
The Blu-Ray/DVD combo pack from Severin Films is in widescreen with Dolby Digital 2.0 sound and full HD resolution.  No subtitles.  Extras consist of "The History of the Zulu Wars" and "A Visit to the Battlefield" with author Ian Knight ("Zulu Rising"), "Recreating the War" with historical advisor Midge Carter, a theatrical trailer, and outtakes. 

Fans of British colonialism will probably want to skip ZULU DAWN lest they find it an ultimately dispiriting experience.  Anyone who gets off on seeing a "primitive" indigenous population repelling a superior invading force, on the other hand, should have a ball.  But those interested in military history and warfare, and war-movie fans in general, will be best served by this vivid and sweeping depiction of one of the most unsual battles ever fought.

ZULU DAWN -- Blu-Ray/DVD Review by Porfle

"Police Squad!" Coffee Commercial (Episode 4: 3/25/82) (video)

 

Detective Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen) is pursuing a mad bomber...

...in this hilarious parody of coffee commercials.

He consults with Police Squad's resident forensic expert.

But too much caffeine has made him cranky.

Decaf to the rescue!


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

 

"Police Squad!" Coffee Commercial (Episode 4: 3/25/82) (video)

Glaring SPFX Blooper in "The Invisible Woman" (1940) (video)

When playing an "invisible" character, actors once wore black body suits...

...and the black-clad parts would be "invisible" against the matted-in backgrounds.

But in this scene from "The Invisible Woman" (1940), there's a brief slip-up...

...and for a few seconds, we're able to see Virginia Bruce's black arm sleeve against her skirt. 


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Glaring SPFX Blooper in "The Invisible Woman" (1940) (video)

Telephone Pole Blooper in "CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON" (Universal-International, 1954) (video)

This classic monster-hunt adventure takes place in the farthest unexplored reaches of the Amazon.

A place untouched by human beings and their scientific gadgets.

So you wouldn't expect to find even the smallest trace of modern technology...much less, a telephone pole. 

Matted widescreen versions of the movie obscure the telephone pole.

But not the original full screen version.

I guess even the Creature has to call Mom on Mother's Day!


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Telephone Pole Blooper in "CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON" (Universal-International, 1954) (video)