CRUEL JAWS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

 Originally posted on 9/22/20

 

Bruno Mattei's work as a director ran hot and cold, but oddly enough, he was at his hottest when his work was at its worst and most derivative (as in SHOCKING DARK and VIOLENCE IN A WOMEN'S PRISON) because that's when it was the most perversely entertaining.

Whether CRUEL JAWS (Severin Films, 1995) reaches that degree of cinematic heat is up to the viewer whose interests lie in movies that are so bad they're good.  This blatant rip-off of JAWS (and elements of its various sequels and other rip-offs) is loaded with badness to spare, yet even this doesn't always get us through several of the just-plain-boring stretches.

The story concerns an oceanographer named David (David Luther) who arrives at the oceanfront marine park of his friend Dag (Sky Palma) just in time to find out that (1) there's a killer shark on the loose and (2) Dag's about to lose his lease to evil landlord Samuel Lewis (George Barnes), who wants to build a new hotel on the property, unless he can come up with a chunk of cash in 30 days.

 

This leads to one of the film's major setpieces, a windsurfing race with a fat prize that will pit Dag's son Bob against Lewis' son Ronnie, who, incidentally, is the overprotective brother of Bob's girlfriend Glenda.

As you might guess, the race becomes a shark smorgasboard with plenty of screaming and panicking as the shark enjoys the equivalent of a human sushi platter. Not only does the famished fish eat everyone in sight, but he manages to chomp his way through most of the boats in the vicinity as well.

Later, of course, the brave good-guy shark hunters set off aboard their hardy vessel but this time with competition from the bad guys who, as per Peter Benchley's crummy original shark novel, have mob connections interested in the town's real estate. 

Another boatload of youths in pursuit of the shark (with pump shotguns, no less!) muck the whole thing up so badly that they provide the film with one of its most wonderfully explosive moments in which a sizable number of supporting characters blow themselves into fried chum chunks.

While all this is going on, Mattei (under the pseudonym "William Snyder") is having a field day cooking up bad reenactments of scenes from the JAWS franchise with the greedy businessman wanting to keep the beaches open, the frantic sheriff trying to close them, and young people serving themselves up as shark chow while cavorting around in bikinis, having romantic complications, and spouting some of the worst dialogue to ever bend your unsuspecting eardrums.

As for the shark effects, Mattei (who also gave us such films as ROBOWARS and ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD) uses a heap of stock footage of live sharks, some of which is pretty well integrated, along with a surprisingly good giant shark head that pops out of the water and often has one of the less fortunate characters hanging out of its mouth. 

The Blu-ray from Severin Films contains an unreleased Japanese extended cut (known as "The Snyder Cut") in its entirety. Extras also include "The Great White Way: A Study In Sharksploitation With Rebekah McKendry", "These Things Got Made!: Interview With Actor Jay Colligan", and the film's trailer.

It all builds to a rather bland finish, with Spielberg's reputation as the number one purveyor of shark-movie suspense and excitement remaining comfortably secure.  But while film fans who strictly limit themselves to "good" movies will find this one easy to avoid, those who love to settle in for a session of mind-warping badness will endure the slower scenes in CRUEL JAWS just to savor its tastier tidbits.



Buy it at Severin Films


Special Features:

    The Snyder Cut – Unreleased Japanese Extended Cut
    The Great White Way – A Study in Sharksploitation with Rebekah McKendry
    These Things Got Made! – Interview with Actor Jay Colligan
    Trailer

CRUEL JAWS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

WHEN THE WIND BLOWS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 4/24/20

 

Did you ever wonder what it would look like if THREADS had a cartoon-animated subplot? Or if the creators of "Wallace & Gromit" had placed their beloved characters in the middle of a nuclear holocaust?

Children's author Raymond Briggs conceived such an idea in a graphic novel which a group of filmmakers including director Jimmy T. Murakami (HEAVY METAL, BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS) brought to the screen, thus giving us the entrancingly compelling cinematic oddity entitled WHEN THE WIND BLOWS (Severin Kids, 1986).

Unlike the frantically alarmist apocalypse thrillers to which we're accustomed, this tale of an elderly couple whose peaceful retirement is shattered by nuclear war is quietly, disarmingly genteel.

We first see them enjoying a typical day in their secluded cottage, chatting absently about tea and gardening and such, while news of impending war sparks Jim's interest and motivates him into a mildly industrious fervor of preparation that brings back nostalgic feelings of the Blitz.

Meanwhile, Hilda (whom Jim endearingly calls "Ducks") refuses to entertain the notion that anything could disturb their blissful daily routines, their ability to pop down to a shop for fresh food or other supplies, or their access to telly or radio plays. 

These are the sort of likable, roundly-drawn cartoon characters (they look a bit like cuddly plush dolls) we know from a thousand children's books and movies, characters whose only concerns should be gentle, placid ones such as, say, a naughty bunny rabbit helping himself to their carrot garden.

Here, however, their idyllic lives are disrupted when the harsh, cruel reality of the really-real world ruptures the curtain of their cartoon dimension and leaves it all a charred, smoking ruin with a dark cloud of radioactive fallout drifting through it.

Jim and Hilda are similar to the older couple in THREADS with their lean-to shelter in the livingroom providing sparse protection against the blast and their halfhearted efforts to stock food, water, and other necessities quickly proving inadequate. 

What makes them different is that they continue to behave just like endearing cartoon figures out of a children's story, with Jim remaining a font of quiet optimism--after all, they lived through something similar back when they fought the Jerries--and Hilda blessedly oblivious to the fact that she can't just tidy things up and wait for the milkman to come.

The restraint shown by the filmmakers in not giving in to the usual dramatic overkill makes the encroaching horrors Jim and Hilda inevitably face seem even more wrenching, with their continued devotion to each other through it all especially heartrending as their ordinary storybook lives crumble to dust.

Artwork and animation are expertly done, using a combination of various methods such as cel animation, a bit of CGI, what appears to be some miniature work on the interiors, and the occasional well-integrated live action footage. 

The musical score includes songs by David Bowie, Roger Waters, and others. Jim and Hilda are wonderfully voiced by venerable actors Sir John Mills and Dame Peggy Ashcroft.

The Blu-ray from Severin Films' "Severin Kids" label contains their usual ample menu, including a documentary about the director ("Jimmy Murakami: Non Alien"), a making-of featurette ("The Wind and the Bomb"), an audio commentary with first assistant editor Joe Fordham and film historian Nick Redman, an interview with children's author Raymond Briggs, an original public information film ("Protect and Serve"), isolated music and effects audio track, and trailers.

In its own remarkable way, WHEN THE WIND BLOWS is one of the darkest and most disheartening of the post-nuclear nightmare tales. It's like watching Wallace and Gromit slowly withering away from radiation poisoning, and, worst of all, Wallace finally realizing at the point of dying that there may never, ever be any more cheese.


Buy it from Severin Films

Special Features:

    Jimmy Murakami: Non Alien – Feature Length Documentary About the Film’s Director
    The Wind and The Bomb: The Making of WHEN THE WIND BLOWS
    Audio Commentary with First Assistant Editor Joe Fordham and Film Historian Nick Redman
    An Interview with Raymond Briggs
    Protect and Survive: Public Information Film Designed to be Broadcast When a Nuclear Attack Was Imminent
    Isolated Music and Effects Audio Track
    Trailers

WHEN THE WIND BLOWS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

BLOOD & FLESH: THE REEL LIFE & GHASTLY DEATH OF AL ADAMSON -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 4/22/2020

 

Filmmaker Al Adamson made a lasting name for himself by creating lurid low-budget exploitation movies with that indefinable "so bad it's good" greatness that many strive for but few achieve.  A well-made documentary about his lively career would be interesting enough, but even more so if his personal life ended on a note that was way more fascinating, mystifying, and downright creepy than any of his actual films ever came close to being.

BLOOD & FLESH: THE REEL LIFE & GHASTLY DEATH OF AL ADAMSON (Severin Films) is that documentary, and it's well-made indeed. It's tricky to construct a documentary with just the right balance of talking heads and informative narration, along with movie clips and other audio-visual elements, while maintaing our interest to the same degree as a fictional narrative, and this one does so in a way that's utterly involving.

Any collection of clips from Adamson's films would be fun to watch, and here we get plenty of footage from such trash classics as "Satan's Sadists", "Horror of the Blood Monsters", "Brain of Blood", "The Female Bunch", "Blazing Stewardesses", and of course what some might consider his magnum opus, the immortal "Dracula vs. Frankenstein."

These are augmented by interview clips with the most important players in the Al Adamson saga, including (besides Al himself) such familiar names as Vilmos Zsigmond, Russ Tamblyn, Fred Olen Ray, Gary Graver, and many others who offer a wealth of personal stories about working with a man whom most remember very fondly, some with gratitude for helping them begin successful careers in the film business.  (Celebrated cinematographer Laszlo Kovacs also started out with Adamson.)

Best are the stories of Adamson's endearing eccentricities and his devotion to making films not to win awards but simply to entertain the masses, using his imagination and ingenuity to overcome meager budgets and resources that would severely daunt other struggling filmmakers.

His exploits in the field serve as a primer for others wishing to follow in his footsteps and are scintillating stuff for those of us who simply love hearing about such adventures.

Adamson's efforts to knock together these films, usually offering his cast and crew valuable experience rather than money, also include the fascinating field of promotion and distribution in which such commodities were sold to the public in whatever form and by whatever means would be most exploitable.

Thus, a film about outlaw bikers might, if trends suddenly changed, be transformed through editing, reshoots, and a new title into a horror or crime thriller.

Conversations with Oscar-winner Russ Tamblyn are fun since he takes an amusedly lighthearted view of his association with the B-movie maven. Like many stars persuaded to participate in these films, Tamblyn was a big name on his way down who was happy for the work since Hollywood was no longer calling. Others included the likes of John Carradine, Kent Taylor, Broderick Crawford, Yvonne DeCarlo, J. Carroll Naish, and Lon Chaney, Jr.

The latter two joined Tamblyn for what may be Adamson's most celebrated classic, "Dracula vs. Frankenstein", which underwent drastic thematic changes during its creation (the original script didn't even include the title monsters).

Dealing with an alcoholic Chaney and a wheelchair-bound Naish, with his noisy dentures and inability to remember his lines, are just two of the interesting elements of this film's production.I had the pleasure of seeing it on a double bill with "Horror of the Blood Monsters" back in the 70s, a movie-going experience that I still treasure.

Long-time producer and partner Sam Sherwood adds invaluable personal knowledge of everything including Adamson's devotion to his wife Regina Carrol, a blonde bombshell who starred in many of his later films until her untimely death from cancer, and a strange project he undertook concerning UFOs and aliens which Sherwood believes was discontinued under shady circumstances involving the government.

But most mysterious of all are the circumstances surrounding Adamson's death, the details of which are fully explored in the film's final third and have all the morbid fascination of an Ann Rule true-crime book.

Even the director's previous association with Charles Manson and his flaky followers at Spahn Movie Ranch pales in comparison to the story of his disappearance from his desert home and the following investigation which uncovered a grisly fate that's right out of a horror movie.

The Blu-ray from Severin Films consists of not only this film but a bonus feature, Adamson's 1971 sleazefest "The Female Bunch" which co-stars a hard-drinking Lon Chaney, Jr. as well as Russ Tamblyn and Regina Carrol.  Pieced together from the best available elements, the print has a delightful grindhouse feel.

The disc also offers some irresistible--one might even say essential--outtakes from the documentary including an in-depth look at Adamson's western movie star father Denver Dixon, Russ Tamblyn's mysterious melted TV, some more creepy stuff about Charles Manson, and a promo reel for that eerie, unfinished project about aliens and UFOs.

Regardless of the man's gruesome demise, however, what lingers most for me after watching BLOOD & FLESH: THE REEL LIFE & GHASTLY DEATH OF AL ADAMSON is his joyous devotion to making exploitation movies and, we discover, his delight that after many years they were still being enjoyed and even revered by fans old and new.  That many of his most fervent fans include the very people who knew him best is a testament that this documentary so richly conveys.



Buy it from Severin Films

Special Features:

    Outtakes – The Cowboy Life Of Denver Dixon, Russ Tamblyn’s Melted TV, Manson & Screaming Angels, and The Prophetic Screenplay Makes Gary Kent Testify
    Beyond This Earth Promo Reel
    Trailer
    BONUS FILM: The Female Bunch
    The Bunch Speaks Out
    THE FEMALE BUNCH Trailers
 

BLOOD & FLESH: THE REEL LIFE & GHASTLY DEATH OF AL ADAMSON -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THE ASTROLOGER -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

(This is a repost of the original review.)

 

Although writer-director James Glickenhaus may be known for lively cult action flicks like THE EXTERMINATOR, he cut his filmmaking teeth on a talky but intriguing low-budget thriller called THE ASTROLOGER, aka "Suicide Cult" (1975), which he now refers to as his "student film."

Based on a novel by his father-in-law John Cameron, it's the story of a brilliant government agent named Alexei (Bob Byrd in his only film) who applies modern scientific techniques to the ancient art of astrology and, with the help of advanced (for the time) computers, can predict the course of an influential person's life in order to alter their future and create new outcomes.

This comes in handy when Alexei and his "zodiacal" associates somehow--don't ask me how, but somehow--figure out that we're due for another virgin birth like the one 2,000 years ago, only this time the result may be a messiah of evil. (Sort of a "Rosemary's Baby" type of deal.)

Glickenhaus cuts back and forth between Alexei and a sinister cult leader named Kajerste (producer Mark Buntzman) who lords it over a gypsy blood cult that may be directly involved in the rise of such a horrible creature.

To this end, Kajerste has taken an interest in Alexei's own wife Kate (Monica Tidwell), a virgin who shares the exact same astrological template as the Virgin Mary herself.

As the director now freely admits, all of this is presented via long dialogue passages, during which Byrd's ability to reel off whole paragraphs of intricate exposition in a semi-naturalistic manner is impressive.

Even former Playboy playmate Tidwell, whose acting abilities are limited to say the least, manages some pretty unwieldy dialogue (in her distinctive Louisiana accent) when Kate finally divulges the secret of her past to an astonished Alexei.

Breaking up the film's many talk-fest scenes are snippets of Kajerste's followers engaged in their infernal ceremonies, intercut rather tastelessly with newsreel footage of what appear to be actual mutilated bodies. (This footage is jarring, to say the least.) 

Somewhat resembling one of Bruno Mattei's jungle flicks, these scenes allow Glickenhaus to stretch his creative skills visually while amping up the suspense level when, at about the halfway mark, one of Alexei's female agents is caught trying to sneak into Kajerste's camp on what she thought was a secret mission.

What happens next shocks the film out of its lethargy and sets us up for a much more involving second half seasoned with the requisite amounts of nudity and violence.  Yet just as the story still seems to be building, the film ends abruptly on a unresolved note that may leave some viewers hanging.

Despite its shortcomings, THE ASTROLOGER is a fascinating look at a novice director's determined effort to create a sophisticated sci-fi/horror tale laced with both intriguing ideas and visceral shocks. For many fans of genre filmmaking on a shoestring budget, the attempt itself should provide engaging entertainment.


Buy it at Severin Films

Featuring a 4k Scan From the Director’s Personal Answer Print
Music by Brad Fiedel (Terminator series)

All-New Special Features:

    Sign of the Times – James Glickenhaus on The Astrologer
    Monica Tidwell Remembers The Astrologer – Interview With Actress Monica Tidwell
    Tales From the Set – Interviews with Filmmakers Brendan Faulkner and Frank M. Farel
    Zodiacal Locations – The Filming Sites of THE ASTROLOGER
    Suicide Cult Reversible Cover

THE ASTROLOGER -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THINGS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/8/11

 

While one review hails THINGS (1989) as "a movie that defines what 'cult' really is", you'd be quite accurate in saying that this low-budget, straight-to-VHS Canadian gorefest also defines what "100% brain-rotting crap" really is. 

There's no denying that this is one of the worst excuses for a movie ever made.  It's one of those films whose status as either "so bad it's good" or "totally unwatchable dreck" depends entirely upon the charity of the viewer.  That said, though, if you catch it in the right mood--as the film's many fans apparently did--you can have an awful lot of fun watching it.

Shot on Super-8mm by high-school pals Andrew Jordan (co-writer, director) and Barry J. Gillis (co-producer, co-writer, star), THINGS is the story of a man named Doug Drake (Doug Bunston) who seeks medical help when he and his wife Susan are unable to conceive a child.  Unfortunately, Dr. Lucas (Jan W. Pachul) turns out to be a giggling, sadistic psycho who takes time out from torturing people in his dungeon of horror (the torture scenes are amateurish-looking but extreme) to impregnate Susan with a monster fetus.



Later, Doug's brother Don (Gillis) and his friend Fred (Bruce Roach) drop by Doug's secluded cabin in the backwoods of Toronto for an exciting evening of drinking beer and watching TV.  Suddenly, Susan gives birth to a creature that looks like a cross between a chest-burster from ALIEN and a giant cootie.  The thing begins to multiply at an alarming rate until the house is crawling with them, plunging Don, Fred, and Doug into a nightmare of insect insanity and gratuitous gore. 

While all of this sounds exciting, it isn't, and the most interesting thing about the film is the bizarre and illogical behavior of its main characters.  After Susan's horrific death (during which actress Patricia Sadler is unable to suppress a smile whenever she's on camera), Doug's initial grief quickly gives way to lighthearted prankishness and an overall "who cares" attitude, in addition to a concern that his nice shirt has been ruined by Susan's gushing blood.  Don interrupts the somber mood with a gruesome campfire story at the kitchen table, while Fred wonders what kind of cool TV shows are on. 

Characters appear and disappear seemingly at random--we don't even know Doug is in the house with Don and Fred until there's a sudden closeup of his butt, after which he disappears again.  The total lack of basic storytelling skills forces us to decipher what's going on in almost every scene, even down to figuring out whether we're supposed to find certain drawn-out sequences funny, suspenseful, or scary.
 


There seem to be several deliberate attempts at comedy throughout the story, but the serious and funny elements are so equally stupid that it's hard to tell.  I laughed out loud when the dog got killed, and I don't even know why.  Other scenes are equally amusing for unknown reasons, such as the part where Doug and Don are searching the bathroom for bug-monsters and find one perched on the toilet, and then each of them insists on using the bathroom anyway. 

Much of the running time is padded with shots of them wandering around the house with their flashlights, trading goofy dialogue and doing things that don't make sense.  When they finally go down into the basement to change out some fuses, a sudden bug attack results in Don bludgeoning Doug with a club.  More excitement ensues when Fred finds an electric chainsaw and goes commando against the critters while Don wields a power drill as though he were building the world's most insane birdhouse.  The film's most hilarious moment ("I'm still alive!") is followed by a surprise visit from none other than the gleefully insane Dr. Lucas, after which things just go totally whacko until the film abruptly ends. 

THINGS supposedly cost around $40,000 to make, but I can't imagine it costing any more than forty dollars.  A sizable chunk of the budget ($2,500) went to 80s porn goddess Amber Lynn, who consented to appear as a TV news reporter making intermittent appearances throughout the film.  Reading her lines cold from a cue card held way off to the side, Amber doesn't come off too good here.  This is irrelevant, though, since her presence is mainly an excuse to use sexy pictures of her in the advertising.  The film's only nudity comes in the first scene, in which a woman (a real-life hooker who appeared under the condition that her face not be shown) strips naked while wearing a devil mask that makes her resemble a deranged Ed Wood.



The DVD from InterVision is in full-screen with 2.0 sound.  Extras include two commentaries, trailers, Barry J. Gillis TV appearances promoting the film, a cast and crew 20th anniversary reunion, a ten-minute behind-the-scenes look at Amber Lynn filming her scenes, and testimonials for the film including comments by Tobe Hooper (TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE) and Jason Eisener (HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN).  After the closing credits crawl there's more candid footage of Amber Lynn and some outtakes.

The first commentary, an audio viewing party with the Cinefamily, is fun, but the cast and crew commentary is a wonderfully raucous affair during which Gillis' daughter, Victoria Elizabeth Turnbull (who also appears in the anniversary segment), mercilessly mocks the film while a growing air of inebriation seems to prevail.

With camerawork and editing that seem to have been performed by blind people and dubbing that might've been done from across the street--not to mention some of the most delightfully atrocious acting of all time--you might think that THINGS was made by people who have never seen a movie before.  As things grow more bizarre and nonsensical, however, the film begins to look more like something made by aliens who have never seen human beings before.

THINGS -- DVD Review by Porfle