NOTHING LIKE THE HOLIDAYS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/4/09

 

 

Less a warm family holiday film and more of a "mi familia loca" soap opera, NOTHING LIKE THE HOLIDAYS (2008) takes its time finally gathering up all the strings of its plot and weaving them into a mildly interesting variation of a familiar story, this time involving a Puerto Rican brood in Chicago. 

 

The dysfunctional Rodriguez family contains enough drama for at least a whole season of primetime TV (including a Christmas special). Freddy Rodriguez ("El Wray" of PLANET TERROR) is returning Iraq war vet Jesse, haunted by guilt because he survived an explosion that killed his friend and unwilling to take over the family business as expected. 

 

Another GRINDHOUSE alumnus, Vanessa Ferlito (DEATH PROOF), is his actress sister Roxanna who hides the fact that she isn't the big star everyone thinks she is. With his usual manic energy, John Leguizamo plays Mo, the white-collar businessman brother whose Caucasian wife, Sarah (Debra Messing), also a biz whiz, is happy to let her biological clock tick away as her in-laws pray for grandchildren. 

 

Of course, various romantic dramas are explored--Jesse yearns to get back with his ex-girlfriend Marissa (Melonie Diaz), who's involved with someone else, while Roxanna considers getting serious with family friend Ozzy (Jay Hernandez) but worries about his murderous vendetta against the neighborhood guy (Manny Perez) who killed his brother. 

 

All of this, however, takes a back seat to the bombshell that gets dropped on all of their heads during a big family dinner--namely, the sudden announcement by mother Anna (Elizabeth Peña) that she's divorcing their father Edy (Alfred Molina) after 36 years of marriage because she suspects him of cheating on her. 

 

 

Until that moment, I kept wondering what direction NOTHING LIKE THE HOLIDAYS was going to take. It wasn't funny enough to be a comedy, although it does manage to be fairly amusing at times. I like this exchange between father Edy and war veteran son Jesse: 

 

"We know you've been through a lot. Your mother and me, we rented 'Coming Home.'"

"I'm surprised you didn't rent 'Taxi Driver.'"

"Yeah, we rented that, too."

 

Luis Guzmán certainly does his obnoxious best to comedy things up as nephew Johnny, and it's fun seeing Leguizamo play a more conservative and vaguely nerdy character. The various dramatic elements also aren't all that engaging at first, and need time to percolate before yielding much interest. As a warm and fuzzy family Christmas story, it's barely there. 

 

But Mama Rodriguez' divorce decree throws the switch on what makes the rest of it work--now everyone's worried about not only their present concerns, but the fact that this will likely be their last Christmas together as a family. 

 

There's a good running gag about the menfolk trying in vain to cut down a big, gnarly tree in the front yard which refuses to budge, which is probably symbolic of something if you think about it long enough. Rodríguez, Ferlito, and Leguizamo get some nice chemistry going in some of their scenes together. 

 

I could do without the pandering "white people" cracks, and it's troubling to see members of the family openly insult Sarah to her face in Spanish or refer to her as "Barbie Doll", especially when she's making an awkward effort to fit in. Her character, however, gains unexpected depth when she later becomes an ally to Edy after he reveals a crucial secret to her. 

 

 

The film is at its best when Molina and Peña are on the screen. Alfred Molina can convey great warmth, as is evident even in his early scenes in SPIDERMAN 2, and his performance here is the emotional heart of the whole story. Elizabeth Peña, likewise, lends a realism and maturity to her role with seemingly little effort. Among the rest of the cast, the standout for me is Freddy Rodríguez in a sensitive and soulful performance that provides interesting counterpoint to his bombastic hero "El Wray" in PLANET TERROR. 

 

The Anchor Bay DVD is in 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Surround 5.1 and Spanish mono. English and Spanish subtitles are available. Extras include a commentary with director Alfredo De Villa, producer Robert Teitel, and Freddy Rodríguez, about fifteen minutes of bloopers, a trailer, and a cast reunion featurette (minus Molina and Leguizamo). 

 

As a comedy-drama about the importance of family, friends, and lovers, and a celebration of Puerto Rican culture, NOTHING LIKE THE HOLIDAYS comes together in its second half with a pretty satisfying payoff. Not looking for it to become a Christmas tradition, though.

 

 

NOTHING LIKE THE HOLIDAYS -- DVD Review by Porfle

SILENT NIGHT -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/29/12

 

I'm not sure who first had the idea of turning Santa Claus into a psycho killer, but I do recall sitting at the drive-in and thrilling to the sight of a not-so-saintly Saint Nick menacing Joan Collins in the original TALES FROM THE CRYPT.  Later, the home video age allowed me to witness Linnea Quigley's celebrated antler-skewering in 1984's SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT in the comfort of my own recliner.  And now, with Anchor Bay's release of SILENT NIGHT (2012) on DVD, the jolly old elf with the axe and the attitude problem stalks the snow-swept streets yet again.

The pre-title sequence gets things off to a nice start with some teasing glimpses of Psycho Santa gearing up to go medieval on a couple of squirming home-invasion captives.  One guy's harrowing electrocution, complete with exploding eyeballs, gives us a foretaste of the film's generous gore content which will include plenty of slashings, choppings, piercings, dismemberments, and other mischief all done with old school 80s-style practical effects. 

Strangely enough, though, we've seen all this stuff so many times before that even the ghastliest effects have a "been there, done that" quality.  It's the staging of the mysterious killer Santa's attacks that makes the difference, with director Steven C. Miller doing his best to inject new life into very familiar situations.  He's already shown that he can do horror on a small budget (AUTOMATON TRANSFUSION) and handle action scenes with skill (THE AGGRESSION SCALE). 

Here, both are done with Miller's usual competence, although little that happens is original or over-the-top enough to really impress us on the level of, say, HALLOWEEN--which this movie resembles a bit in its earlier scenes of a placid Midwestern town lazily gearing up for a holiday amidst ominous glimpses of a murderous masked intruder.  As slasher killers go, this hulking Santa with the plastic mask has the size and imposing bearing for the job, yet lacks the personality needed to make him truly memorable in the "Michael Myers" vein.

Jaime King, who was the beautiful Goldie in SIN CITY, does a fine job in a non-glamorous role as a woman who actually looks like she might be a smalltown deputy.  Having just lost her husband, she's getting moral support from her parents over the holidays but is called in to work when Deputy Jordan (Brendan Fehr, COMEBACK SEASON) fails to show up--for reasons we're already aware of. 

As the killings escalate and a Santa-suited slasher is identified as the main suspect, the investigation is made doubly difficult by a plethora of Saint Nicks wandering the streets in preparation for the big Christmas parade.  Red herrings and false leads abound, including Donal Logue as an amusingly cynical fake-Santa who likes to make the kiddies cry by telling them the truth about Christmas.  Playing a crotchety old sheriff who looks forward to dealing with something exciting for a change, Malcolm McDowell is a welcome presence and seems to enjoy lending this earnest little horror flick some name value.

King's acting talent is given full range as her character's vulnerability and shaky self-confidence are evident in a series of close calls with suspects and some disturbing crime scenes including the murder of a little girl (who, as we see earlier, is an insufferable brat who richly deserves her fate!)  Equally shocking ends are in store for a stereotypically lecherous priest and an even more stereotypically sex-crazed teen couple whose lusty liason is rudely interrupted.  (The latter includes a direct homage to SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT that echoes a similar re-enactment by Linnea Quigley herself in CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS.)

The gore effects are hokey but fun, with a crudely inventive woodchipper scene being perhaps the most genuinely unpleasant sequence.
Miller uses his modest budget to good effect and his movie looks pretty good (the Christmas ambience is especially well done) except for when the camera starts spazzing out during the murder scenes.  A frenetic flamethrower finale inside the police station isn't all that exciting but is rather impressively staged. 

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 2.40:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 soun and subtitles in English and Spanish.  Extras consist of some deleted scenes and a brief behind-the-scenes featurette.

Like most good yuletide horror movies, SILENT NIGHT is melancholy and atmospheric, and actually generates a bit of Christmas spirit with which to contrast its brutal carnage.  While in no danger of becoming a perennial cult favorite along the lines of BLACK CHRISTMAS, and not particularly memorable in general, it's a morbidly fun way to pass the time while waiting for your chestnuts to roast.

SILENT NIGHT -- DVD Review by Porfle

CHASING CHRISTMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/18/10

 

Here's the deal: the Bureau of Yuletide Affairs constantly monitors everyone, looking for people who hate Christmas so that they can send the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future into action. Charles Dickens was one of their former targets, and he wrote a fictionalized account of the experience in "A Christmas Carol", but don't mention that book around the Bureau because they find it an unflattering depiction of their organization.

Anyway, in CHASING CHRISTMAS (2005), the latest focus of their efforts is Jack Cameron (Tom Arnold), a divorced father who despises Christmas because, seven years earlier, he caught his former wife Alison (played by the MILF-tastic Sarah-Jane Redmond of "Smallville" and "Millenium") fooling around with their dentist in the coatroom during their daughter Suzanne's Christmas play. In an early scene, two cute little kids notice that Jack doesn't have any Christmas decorations around his house so they cheerfully give him one of theirs, a happy plastic snowman which Jack gratefully places out in the street so a truck can run over it. At the coat factory that he owns, an employee is shocked to find that he's no longer donating their irregulars to the homeless at Christmas, selling them instead to the Guatemalan army. "They don't care if the epaulets are upside-down or not," he tells her. "They're not a very good army--they'll probably only wear 'em once, anyway."

So, with Jack's Scrooge-ness well established, it looks like we're in store for yet another "A Christmas Carol" variant with few surprises along the way. Indeed, at the stroke of seven on Christmas Eve, the Ghost Of Christmas Past shows up in Jack's livingroom just as he's downing a large glass of Scotch and watching non-seasonal shows on TV. Past is played by Leslie Jordan, who used to be Lonnie Garr on "Hearts Afire" and has appeared in numerous other movies and TV shows ("Will & Grace", "Boston Legal", "Boston Public", JASON GOES TO HELL, HERO). You'd know him if you saw him--he's about four feet tall and he's pretty funny. But when he hurls a reluctant Jack over the couch and launches him down the front stairs to get him motivated, we detect that something seems to be bothering him.

Zipping back to 1965, they visit Jack's boyhood home on Christmas Eve, beginning the usual "A Christmas Carol" guilt-trip cycle. But Past is fed up with all that--he yearns to be human, smoke cigarettes, drink alky-hol, chase babes, and stay forever in his beloved past. So, going off-mission a tad, he smashes his "snowflake of invisibility" in order to become human (don't ask), knocks Jack out with a holiday snowglobe, ties him to a chair with a string of decorative lights, and scampers off into the night. It's at this point, you might guess, that the story begins to veer off from the usual "A Christmas Carol" template and become somewhat less predictable.

The Ghost Of Christmas Present is called into action ahead of schedule and sent to the scene to perform damage control before the timeline is irrevocably altered. But first, her "snowflake of invisibility" must also be smashed so that she can become human, too. (Really, it's just better not to ask.) Present is a tall, blonde babe, which I found to distinctly increase this movie's watchability. She is played by a tall, blonde actress named Andrea Roth, who has also been in a whole bunch of other stuff ("Rescue Me", "CSI", THE PERFECT HUSBAND). Her character doesn't know anything about the past, only the present ("Where's Madonna right now?" Jack asks her. "In the bathroom," she replies.)

In their quest to track down Past across various time periods, she'll experience things she's never known before, such as getting drunk, disco dancing, and falling in love. That's right--she falls in love with Jack, as if you didn't already see that coming. (I think it happens while they're in the hot tub.) And Jack gets to see himself not only as a little boy (played by the hilarious Zak Ludwig in an all-too-brief scene), but during his ski-lodge honeymoon ("I was BORING!" he groans), where he also discovers that Alison was already cheating on him with a low-forehead hunk in the bar while he was in their room watching IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE.

And somehow during it all, Jack learns the true meaning of Christmas, although I didn't really understand exactly how all that frantic chasing around caused this to happen. "God bless us every one!" is shoehorned in at the end, as well as the standard "Scrooge transformed" ending, but I just didn't get that Christmas vibe--which leads me to doubt that CHASING CHRISTMAS will ever become any kind of modern seasonal tradition along the lines of A CHRISTMAS STORY, or even THE SANTA CLAUSE.

But it is fun and fairly entertaining, and I didn't regret sitting through it. I'm a fan of Tom Arnold (although I never understood the whole Rosanne thing) and a non-raunchy, family-friendly Tom is still funny. I like his comedy persona, which seemed to come into full fruition as Ah-nuld's sidekick in TRUE LIES, and which easily keeps this ABC Family TV production enjoyable throughout. Just don't expect to get all misty-eyed and start reaching for the eggnog when he jumps around at the end screaming "Merry Christmas, everybody!"

CHASING CHRISTMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle

SILENT NIGHT, ZOMBIE NIGHT -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/25/11

 

With so many zombie movies out there, it's nice to come across one like SILENT NIGHT, ZOMBIE NIGHT (2009) that still has that old zing.  This low-budget indy may have been done with limited locations and resources, but it makes up for any such disadvantages by being both an interesting "people" story and a good old-fashioned undead blowout.

The cast are certainly up to the task--the lead performances are intriguing and fun to watch even when they don't display the kind of finesse that wins big, shiny awards.  Likewise for the script, which actually gives them some interesting dramatic scenes and scintillating character interplay along with the carnage.

Your classic love triangle forms the basis of the plot as two buddy cops, Frank Talbot (Jack Forcinito) and Nash Jackson (Andy Hopper), have a falling out over their mutual interest in Frank's lovely wife Sarah (Nadine Stenovitch).  Meanwhile, a zombie apocalypse is brewing right under their noses, which they seem blissfully unaware of until a little undead girl bites Andy in the foot and Frank shoots his toe off while dispatching her.  (Most of the best scenes between these two guys will occur during zombie attacks.)



Back at Andy's apartment, Frank and Sarah nurse him back to health while the zombies mill around outside and try to get in.  We find that Frank can be a huge S.O.B. but a very handy one to have around, with Forcinito playing the role in a casual and lighthearted way that makes the character likable.  Hopper and Stenovitch both play off him very well and have a good chemistry with each other as Andy and Sarah's illicit love inches toward consummation.  With her intense performance, Stenovitch in particular adds weight to the more serious side of the story.

Action-guy Frank can't resist loading up his shotgun and making a nocturnal foray into zombieland, resulting in some cool kills and an amusing passage in which he makes like Babe Ruth on a few skulls to the tune of "Take Me Out to the Ballgame."  (Elsewhere, Grieg's "In the Hall of the Mountain King" is also well used for comic effect.)  More human-type drama ensues when he runs across Jeffrey (Lew Temple) hiding out in his attic after his family has been killed.

Writer-director Sean Cain solves the eternal "fast zombie-slow zombie" dispute with some blah-blah scientific exposition that allows him to feature a pleasing combination of both.  The faster and smarter zombies are led by a snarling, leisure-suit-wearing used car dealer whose roving pack of voracious marauders supply much of the film's giddy menace.  The other zombies are nicely played with a variety of individual attributes in both appearance and behavior, all boasting some excellent makeups which make good use of prosthetics, airbrush, and contact lenses.



Vernon Wells ("Wez" of ROAD WARRIOR fame) and Felissa Rose (SLEEPAWAY CAMP) ramp things up big-time with their late appearance as part of a heavily-armed rescue group locating stray survivors.  Frank, naturally, manages to piss off even these good Samaritans, and his altercation with Felissa gives her an opportunity to deliver some of the best acting I've seen from her in years.  As for Wells--any time Wez shows up in your movie is a good time.

Sean Cain keeps the dramatic scenes interesting and the action scenes full of splattery fun, his lean directorial style perfectly complimented by the no-frills camerawork and editing.  Aside from some quick cuts of exploding heads, nasty bites, and a dismemberment or two, there really isn't a whole lot of over-the-top gore for its own sake, but the film is so suspenseful and the characters such fun to watch that I barely noticed.  Or maybe I really have become desensitized after all these years.

The DVD from Pacific Entertainment is in 16x9 widescreen with Dolby sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  Extras include a commentary with director, producer, and cinematographer, deleted scenes, bloopers, trailers, and a brief Easter egg featuring Vernon Wells.

Neither exceedingly downbeat nor wisecrackingly frivolous, SILENT NIGHT, ZOMBIE NIGHT hits just the right tone from the start and just keeps getting better.  If you can appreciate the ambiance of a good B-movie with its heart in the right place, this lively zombie romp should be on your Christmas list.

SILENT NIGHT, ZOMBIE NIGHT -- DVD Review by Porfle

SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/4/13

 

A mix of the "spooky old house" and "axe murderer on the loose" genres, SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT (1972) is hardly the campy-fun slasher-trash fest I expected.  In fact, there isn't an ounce of humor, intentional or otherwise, in this somber, wintry horror tale.

The gravely-intoned prologue, in which the Mayor's daughter Diane Adams (Mary Woronov, EATING RAOUL, ROCK 'N' ROLL HIGH SCHOOL) reflects on  the horrible events surrounding the old Butler mansion at the edge of town, is enough to let us know that we're in for a depressing time,  It all has to do with the house's original owner, Wilfred Butler (Philip Bruns,  "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman"), his mysterious death by fire, and the tragic fate of his daughter, Marianne. 

When his grandson Jeffrey (James Patterson, IN THE HEAT OF THE NIGHT) disobeys the stipulation in his will that the house remain untouched and unsold, a mysterious killer begins stalking the premises to make sure that whoever goes in doesn't come out.

Cue Jeffrey's lawyer John Carter (a typically urbane, laid-back Patrick O'Neal) and his secretary-slash-mistress Ingrid (the way-cute Astrid Heeren),  who decide to spend a night in the house while finalizing the details of its impending sale.  As if this isn't enough to stir things up, Jeffrey himself returns just in time to endure a night of murder and mayhem that will leave the quiet little town littered with corpses.  His uneasy alliance with Diane will result in them ending up right in the middle of the film's horrific climax. 

The confusing story will eventually yield a nice surprise or two, but it's basically just an excuse for the filmmakers to see how much of a dreary and oppressive gloom 'n' doom atmosphere they can muster with their low budget and limited resources.  Mary Woronov's husband Theodore Gershuny, who directed two other films and several episodes of TV shows such as "Tales From the Darkside" and "The Equalizer", helms Jeffrey Konvitz and Ira Teller's funereal screenplay in a crudely effective fashion.  The film's rough-hewn production elements and choppy editing alternate between being distracting and somehow enhancing its dreary mood.

Once the killer stops creeping around unseen and gets the old axe a-swingin', we get a few mildly gory chop-'em-up scenes with some fake blood splattered about, along with a dismembered hand or two.  These moments of mayhem, however,  come after long, mundane stretches that are interesting only if you enjoy watching a very old John Carradine (and who doesn't?) or a very young and attractive Mary Woronov (ditto).  Distinguished actor James Pattererson, who died at age 40 shortly after this film was made, comes off well despite an understandably uninspired performance. 

Similar in feel to Bob Clark's 1974 BLACK CHRISTMAS, with the dreariest version of "Silent Night" you can imagine and a score that's almost more downbeat than Bernard Herrmann's music for PSYCHO, the best of SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT is saved for its centerpiece flashback sequence.  As Diane reads from Wilfred Butler's tattered journal, we're transported into a grainy, sepia-hued world that's so dark and depressingly surreal as to be almost a cross between David Lynch and H.P. Lovecraft. 

This vignette occurs during the time the Butler house served as an insane asylum, with the inmates being let loose to wreak revenge upon their cruel keepers, and is so fascinatingly, unremittingly nightmarish as to seem like part of a different film altogether.  Afterwards, the story's actual ending comes as something of an anti-climax despite director Gerhuny's efforts to build to a shocking finale that he isn't quite able to pull off. 

The DVD from Film Chest is in widescreen with 2.0 sound.  No subtitles or extras.  Opening titles (featuring the alternate name "Deathhouse") bleed off the sides of the screen a bit.  The film is an HD restoration from 35mm elements but the print used has several rough spots.  Personally, I like it when a film looks like it's been around the block a few times, but those wanting something closer to pristine may cringe a few times. 

Movies like SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT straddled some interesting cinematic territory between old-style Gothic horror and slasher-era gore while inadvertently helping to lay the groundwork for the tired "dead teenager" formulas of the 80s and 90s.  While unpolished and at times technically crude, it still manages to create an extremely effective and unrelievedly depressing mood (definitely not recommended for the suicidal) with atmosphere to burn. 

SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT -- DVD Review by Porfle