THE SINISTER EYES OF DR. ORLOFF -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 1/24/11

 

 

Incredibly prolific Spanish filmmaker Jesús "Jess" Franco has a devoted following, but the uninitiated might be puzzled as to why after watching THE SINISTER EYES OF DR. ORLOFF (1973).  It's not an awful film, just exceedingly bland.

Montserrat Prous plays Melissa Comfort, an heiress who has been paralyzed from birth.  Plagued by a recurring nightmare in which she wanders the darkened mansion as a little girl and witnesses the violent death of her late father (Franco himself in a cameo role), Melissa is placed in the care of eminent psychiatrist Dr. Orloff (William Berger) by her aunt, Lady Flora Comfort. 

It soon becomes apparent that there's a plot against Melissa which may involve members of her own family, including her Aunt Flora, step-sister Martha, and perhaps even Dr. Orloff himself.  Melissa is aided by faithful servant Mathews (José Manuel Martín) and a concerned neighbor, pop star Sweet Davey Brown.  But when people around her start dying off one by one, it may be only a matter of time before she's next.  The question is--who's really doing the killing?

 

 

The third of Franco's "Dr. Orloff" films, this is remarkably tame stuff for someone known for his exploitation flicks.  The slow-moving story features the occasional murder, but all are quick and relatively bloodless.  Aside from an incidental glimpse of nudity during one of the killings, there's nothing here that one couldn't find in a standard made-for-TV thriller from the era.

A reliance on handheld camerawork and shaky zooms gives the film a crude look, although it's hardly unwatchable.  Franco does display a few flashes of imagination in his direction and keeps things moving along well enough that patient viewers won't have much trouble sticking with it to the end.  The story itself is utterly predictable and there's little actual suspense until the mildly exciting finale, all of which is accompanied by a melodramatic organ and piano score.

Performances are adequate for this type of movie, though it's admittedly hard to judge the actors' dialogue delivery since I understand very little Spanish.  William Berger isn't all that sinister as Orloff and is, in fact, pretty dull, even when we get a closeup of those titular eyeballs.  Montserrat Prous is okay as Melissa--more interesting, though, are Loreta Tovar and the lovely Kali Hansa as spoiled socialites Martha and Aunt Flora.

 

 

 

As Davey Brown, Robert Wood is notable mainly for his awful 70s wardrobe and insipid singing.  His scenes with Edmund Purdom as Inspector Crosby, in which Davey struggles to convince the policeman that something rotten is going on in the Comfort manor, give the film what scant comedy relief it has.  Franco regular Lina Romay appears briefly as Davey's girlfriend.

The DVD from Intervision is full-screen with Dolby 2.0 Spanish mono soundtrack and English subtitles.  Picture quality is good although that Eastmancolor doesn't age very well.  On my copy, the subtitles disappeared for a few minutes around the 46-minute mark.  The bonus feature is a recent 18-minute interview with Jess Franco. 

THE SINISTER EYES OF DR. ORLOFF is a nice low-budget effort that's fairly painless to sit through if you keep your expectations low.  Just don't expect it to be very sinister. 

THE SINISTER EYES OF DR. ORLOFF -- DVD Review by Porfle

PAULA-PAULA -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 1/29/11

 

For his 209th movie, prolific Spanish director Jesús "Jess" Franco has made what he calls "an audio-visual experience" entitled PAULA-PAULA (2010).  In literal terms I suppose that's an accurate way to describe it, but holy cats, is this thing boring.  You could probably have an equally rewarding audio-visual experience by putting an album on and watching a lava lamp for an hour.

The story begins with a distraught, disoriented Paula (Carmen Montes) being taken into custody, apparently for having killed her friend who was also named Paula (Paula Davis).  Under questioning by a female officer (a briefly-seen Lina Romay), Paula-1 claims not to have done it although she hated her.  Then she lets slip that she has tried to kill her numerous times without success.

Later, we see Paula-1 dancing naked in a room, aware that a young police sergeant is peeking through the door.  If I had to choose a favorite part of the movie it would be this scene, since Carmen Montes is beautiful, has a great body, and isn't moving in super slow-motion.
 

Intercut with this are flashbacks of Paula-2 dancing in an apartment.  She wears a belly-dancer's outfit and undulates in front of a silver mylar backdrop, moving ever-so-slowly as a mirrored split-screen effect turns her body into abstract shapes.  Sitting in a chair in a revealing dress, Paula-1 watches her with fascination.  From this point on, the pace becomes practically glacial.

About halfway through, Paula-1 relates a brief story which will come into play at the end.  Then the two Paulas finally get together for about twenty minutes of mild softcore sex, all in maddening slow-motion that had me struggling to stay awake.  (This is the first film I've seen in ages that literally put me to sleep.)  After some more split-screen effects, PAULA-PAULA mercifully ends pretty much the way we expect it to.

This is the sort of thing you might've stumbled onto a roomful of stoned hippies watching back in the 60s while muttering "wow, man..."  With much of the film's running time consisting of plotless, enervating visuals, I began to appreciate the hot freeform jazz score by Friederich Gulda which plays continuously with no direct connection with the actions onscreen.


The DVD from Intervision is in widescreen with Dolby 2.0 sound.  Language is Spanish with English subtitles.  Extras consist of three Franco featurettes--an introduction to the film, a more detailed discussion of it, and, most interesting, the venerable director's thoughts on the state of contemporary filmmaking.

According to the titles, this is based on Stevenson's Jekyll and Hyde story, but it might as well have been based on "Green Eggs and Ham" for all the relevance this has to the film.  Although PAULA-PAULA seemingly aspires to be a cinematic equivalent to its frenetic jazz score, what it basically amounts to is Jess Franco dicking around for 67 minutes.

PAULA-PAULA -- DVD Review by Porfle

COUNT DRACULA -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

(Originally posted 12/19/2015)

 

For prolific Spanish cult director Jesus "Jess" Franco, COUNT DRACULA (1970) was a welcome venture into classier territory than that found in his more exploitative efforts such as BLOODY MOON and THE HOT NIGHTS OF LINDA. 

Not only that, but it served as a vehicle for Christopher Lee to finally get to play the character of Dracula closer to the original Bram Stoker version, with more of the novel's dialogue (at least in the early scenes in Dracula's castle during which he tells Jonathan Harker of his family history) and a Dracula who more closely resembles the one described by Stoker. 

Shot in Spain, the film (now available on Blu-ray and DVD from Severin Films) benefits not only from some terrific found locations that add immeasurably to to its production values, but also from a top-notch cast headed by Lee and the equally venerable Herbert Lom as Professor Van Helsing, who now runs the clinic at which Dr. Seward (Paul Muller) works and where a grievously distraught Harker (Fred Williams) ends up after his ordeal at Castle Dracula.

How Dracula happens to move into the very estate that borders the clinic where Harker ends up after his escape is best left unpondered while we enjoy this dry and slow-moving, yet somehow involving retelling of the famous tale through Franco's restless lens.  As usual, his camerawork is largely fluid and informal, and rife with crude zooms that keep us up close and personal with the characters. 

In addition to American good guy Quincey Morris (Jack Taylor), we also meet his bride-to-be Lucy (exotic Soledad Miranda, later to star in Franco's VAMPIROS LESBOS and SHE KILLED IN ECSTASY) and her friend Mina (the beautiful Maria Rohm), who will both be targets for Dracula's nocturnal bloodlust while they stay at the clinic looking after Mina's ailing fiance' Jonathan.  (Franco himself plays a weaselly orderly). 

Of great interest to fans of eccentric actor Klaus Kinski, who would later sprout fangs himself as NOSFERATU THE VAMPYRE (1979), is his presence here as Renfield, the celebrated "fly eater" played in the 1931 version by Dwight Frye.  Kinski is allowed to indulge himself in the role, resulting in a lot of "Look at me, I'm acting!" moments in which he improvs aimlessly and fiddles with his hair a lot. 

 

The two leading ladies acquit themselves well, especially Soledad Miranda whose Lucy is Dracula's main interest early on and is the victim of several nighttime attacks.  Lom is his usual solid, dependable presence as our main representative of good and resident vampire expert. 

As for Lee, it's of great interest to see the differences between this and his earlier star-making turn in Hammer's 1958 DRACULA (known in the USA as HORROR OF DRACULA).  He's less imposing here than the frightening, feral Count of twelve years before, and looks a bit awkward without the flowing cape, yet there's a greater depth to the character which makes him interesting. 

Franco's staging of several scenes (edited by fellow cult director Bruno Mattei of such films as ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD, THE JAIL: THE WOMEN'S HELL, ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING, IN THE LAND OF THE CANNIBALS, and MONDO CANNIBAL) is visceral and grotesque, especially the staking and beheading of the undead (including the Count's trio of not-so-bashful brides).  The ending is less frenetic than the confrontation between Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing's Van Helsing in the Hammer version, but is satisfying nonetheless and closer to that described by Stoker.

The Blu-ray from Severin Films is full screen HD with Dolby 2.0 English soundtrack.  No subtitles.  A commentary track featuring actress Maria Rohm and film historian David Del Valle is both informative and at times rather charming.  Extras also include an avant-garde behind-the-scenes documentary entitled "Cuadecuc, Vampir" (75 min.), directed by Pere Portabella, which reinterprets Franco's film in grainy black-and-white images that are often more eerie and atmospheric than the original.

In addition to this are interviews with castmembers Fred Williams and Jack Taylor, and director Jess Franco himself.  French filmmaker Christophe Gans gives an appreciative assessment of the film and its director in the featurette "Stake Handlers", while Christopher Lee himself offers an emotional reading of the actual Bram Stoker novel.  Rounding out the bonus menu are alternate versions of the film's opening titles in various languages and a German trailer.

Somewhat staid and even a bit dull at times, COUNT DRACULA remains one of Jess Franco's most involving and visually compelling films (of the ones I've seen, anyway) and will definitely prove fascinating to his many ardent fans.  For anyone who appreciates the classic tale of Dracula in whatever form, this is an intriguing, invaluable interpretation which should be seen. 


Stills used are not taken from the Blu-ray

COUNT DRACULA -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

IN THE LAND OF THE CANNIBALS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 12/5/14

 

It's the same old story...senator's daughter gets kidnapped by cannibals in the Amazon jungle, a group of hardened commandos armed to the teeth must go in to rescue her.

But with exploitation director Bruno Mattei (HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD, CAGED WOMEN, RATS: NIGHT OF TERROR, SS EXTERMINATION LOVE CAMP) at the helm--working under the name "Martin Miller"--that same old story has a cockeyed, oddball approach all its own, and IN THE LAND OF THE CANNIBALS, aka "Land of Death", "Nella terra dei cannibali", and "Cannibal Holocaust 3: Cannibal vs. Commando" (2003), will either bore you silly or have you floating on a cloud of bad-movie bliss.

Like his other cannibal epic from the same year, MONDO CANNIBAL, this was shot entirely in the Philipines and actually boasts some dandy jungle locations. It's also pleasantly passable in certain other areas such as nice camerawork, a rousing musical score, and an overall look that transcends what must have been a pretty low budget.

Unfortunately, this culinary curio also displays the usual wooden acting, horrendous dubbing, and richly dumb (but enjoyably so) dialogue that we expect from one of these potluck potboilers.

After we meet the two main characters--brawny head commando Lt. Wilson (Lou Randall) and his surly, know-it-all jungle guide, a local mercenary named Romero (Claudio Morales, co-star of MONDO CANNIBAL)--they and the rest of their trigger-happy team are transported via helicopter into a harrowing jungle nightmare festooned with flesh-eating, poisoned-arrow-shooting natives crawling out of the shrubbery at every turn.

Mattei tries to invoke an ALIENS atmosphere at first with cool-as-ice Romero napping peacefully in the chopper before they all rappel into the bush (an act described as "an elevator into hell") and stiff-necked Lt. Wilson being exposed as a novice whose combat experience has been mostly simulated.

There's also a tough-cookie female commando named, oddly enough, "Vasquez" (Ydalia Suarez) and a no-nonsense black sergeant, Sgt. Cameron (Silvio Jimenez)--as in "James Cameron" for those keeping score. The other two guys, Kruger and Smith, are pretty non-descript, although I think one of them is Irish. Anyway, any in-depth character development that may occur during this story is entirely accidental.

Once the commandos start nosing around in the jungle looking for the lost senator's daughter and her hapless entourage, things get rather boring (I found myself nodding off a few times) until they begin to encounter different tribes who respond to them with varying degrees of hostility. Mattei tries to shock us with close-ups of wormy, decaying bodies, several having been skinned alive, and people gorging themselves on some really nasty stuff.

What there's precious little of in IN THE LAND OF THE CANNIBALS, surprisingly enough, is actual cannibalism. It's hardly the gorefest that its counterpart MONDO CANNIBAL was, going instead for more of an action-packed shoot 'em up vibe.

Once our heroes locate and abscond with their prize, Sara Armstrong (Cindy Matic), now regarded by her superstitious captors as some kind of mystical creature due to her blonde hair (shades of KING KONG and no doubt scores of other jungle yarns), the film becomes a non-stop orgy of bullet-riddled fun as seemingly hundreds of cannibalistic creeps get mowed down by machine guns and grenades galore.

This furious finale, with everyone trying to "Ged to da choppa!" PREDATOR-style, is all pretty low-tech, no-squibs action--the extras simply pretend to get shot up all over the place and the commandos empty clip after clip into them while dodging arrows and spears. As is traditional in this sort of action flick, we see our favorite characters cut down one by one as we wonder who the final survivor or survivors will be.

The DVD from Intervision Picture Corp. is in full frame with Dolby Digital stereo sound. No subtitles. The only bonus feature is a trailer.

While taking itself seriously as an action thriller, IN THE LAND OF THE CANNIBALS is the kind of movie that's so dumb, it's almost indistinguishable from a deadpan comedy. Maybe that, in addition to the fact that it's well-made enough to be mildly watchable, is why I managed to derive a few palatable tidbits of entertainment value from it.

IN THE LAND OF THE CANNIBALS -- DVD Review by Porfle

WEREWOLF IN A GIRLS' DORMITORY -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/31/2019
 

I've always loved movies about werewolves (not today's hulking CGI beasts but good old-fashioned "actors in monster makeup" ones).  So it's a special treat to discover this vintage Italian thriller WEREWOLF IN A GIRLS' DORMITORY, aka "Lycanthropus" (1961) which, up till now, I've known only via tantalizing pics in monster magazines and books. 

For a first-time viewer who's also a longtime Monster Kid, this modestly budgeted but exquisitely photographed (in luscious black and white) horror tale is something to savor, especially thanks to Severin Films' new 2-disc Blu-ray release (including a bonus CD of the musical score) which is, in their words, "newly scanned in 2k from archival elements recently discovered in a Rome lab vault."

Most of the exteriors and interiors are shot in an actual Italian mansion surrounded by stone walls, deep within a dark forest.  This adds greatly to the film's production values and atmosphere, yet doesn't detract from its charm as a modest and at times slightly hokey thriller that's nonetheless sober and intelligent enough to easily transcend the "so bad it's good" label.

The story takes place in an upper-class reform school for troubled girls, where headmaster Mr. Swift (Curt Lowens) maintains order while the school's lecherous benefactor Sir Alfred Whiteman (Maurice Marsac) pays certain students to have sex with him. Creepy groundskeeper Walter (Luciano Pigozzi of CASTLE OF THE LIVING DEAD as "Alan Collins") acts as his procurer.

This not only prompts a jealous Mrs. Whiteman (Annie Steinert) to take drastic measures but also opens up her husband to blackmail by a saucy young blonde (Mary McNeeran) with incriminating letters.

When the blonde is found mauled to death in the forest, suspicion wavers between vicious wolves known to roam the vicinity and a new addition to the staff, handsome Dr. Julian Olcott (Carl Schell, THE BLUE MAX), whose outwardly benign demeanor hides a shady past.

The dead girl's plucky friend Priscilla (Barbara Lass) puts her life on the line to investigate, forming an uneasy alliance with Dr. Olcott while risking a nocturnal foray or two into the forest where the carnage occurred. 

This results in some tautly suspenseful encounters with the ferocious fiend, plus a few of the more menacing human characters inhabiting the reformatory.  There's also a laboratory scene where experiments in lycanthropy management yield unfortunate results.

The fact that we aren't told who the werewolf is until near the end (unlike your usual lycanthrope tale where we know from the start) makes this a nifty whodunnit as well as a classically cool werewolf tale in which the title character is featured to very good advantage.  This uncut version includes mild gore and brief semi-nudity you probably didn't see if you caught it on TV as a kid.

The wolf man's makeup is less hairy than usual but is well-designed and looks delightfully feral, with some very effective closeups.  In fact, this fanged terror easily joins the hallowed ranks of my favorite werewolves.

Performances are fine and the film is neatly directed by Paolo Heusch (THE DAY THE SKY EXPLODED), who fashions screenwriter Ernesto Gastaldi's brisk, straightforward story into a low-key but involving tour through the same sort of territory Dario Argento would explore years later with much more artistic intent. 

For me, finally getting to see WEREWOLF IN A GIRLS' DORMITORY--especially such a lovely print as this--is a distinct pleasure that really satisfies my sweet tooth for classic old-school horror in a lycanthropic vein.  I'm happy to add it to my rotation of fun Monster Kid gems to revisit whenever the morbid mood strikes.


Buy it at Severin Films

Special Features:
   
    Commentary Track with David Del Valle and star Curt Lowens
    Bad Moon Rising: Interview with Screenwriter Ernesto Gastaldi
    Alternate Opening
    Italian Trailer
    US Trailer
    English Dub and Original Italian Soundtracks
    BONUS: CD Soundtrack and Special Booklet (w/rare photo-comic)

WEREWOLF IN A GIRLS' DORMITORY -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 3/4/15

 

Penultimate of several films Italian schlockmeister Bruno Mattei made in the Phillipines shortly before his death, ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD (2007) bears the usual hallmarks of his filmmaking style--very low budget, very high violence and gore content, derivative script, laughable dubbing and dialogue, acting that's pretty much all over the place, and a general "so bad it's good" dynamic that makes it all worth checking out at least once if you're in the right frame of mind.

Here, working under the name "Vincent Dawn", Bruno (MONDO CANNIBAL, IN THE LAND OF THE CANNIBALS) continues his fascination with cannibalism while segueing back into the Romero-esque zombie genre. But these aren't just your usual stagger-and-munch living dead brought about by radiation or some other science mishap--they're supernatural, ghostly creatures as well, which means that they can do pretty much anything including appear and disappear, change shape, regenerate dismembered limbs, and chomp you like fanged vampires.

After a prologue set in the 1600s in which Spanish soldiers and monks are overrun and eaten, we join a group of present-day sunken treasure hunters whose ship sets ground on the shore of this uncharted zombie isle (after Mattei stages a visually impressive sequence of the ship going off course in a freak fogbank). Still hoping to find vast riches, they enter the crumbling monastery where the bloody prologue took place and, before we know it, are up to their necks in shambling corpses looking for their next hot meal.

In addition to the lush jungle setting, Bruno has found an ideal real-life location to stand in for the old monastery, which gives ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD's production values a needed boost. He's also got some talented gore effects people on his team who can churn out loads of the stuff we want to see in a film like this. Granted, it looks cheap because it is. But the hardcore blood-and-guts scenes (including lots of dismemberments and exploding heads) and crowds of zombies in full facial and body makeup (with extras who seem really into their roles) should have gorehounds squirming with delight.

Mattei seems to relish directing these scenes and coming up with fun ways to shoot his undead characters. Some of them are even borderline erotic, which may give the viewer a weird necrophilia vibe. But needless to say, with their piercing neon eyes, mouths full of dripping fangs, and rotting, hanging flesh, you won't want to be cuddling close to any of these ambulatory heaps of detritus any time soon.

In between the all-out zombie attacks, members of the crew have their own individual encounters with the ghostlier denizens of the island. One guy meets a flamenco-dancing woman and decides to join her in a twirl around the dance floor before her inevitable zombo freak-out; another frantic dude meets the ghost of the ill-fated Spanish captain from the prologue, who's looking a tad creepier these days; and my second-favorite character, hyper-bitchy babe Victoria (Ydalia Suarez) finds a "cask of amontillado" that's not quite what it seems to be.

Bad movie fans will have much to celebrate with the references to past films and other literary works, the sometimes awful dialogue ("Shit!" is the most frequent line), and some hilariously over-the-top performances by our heroes. Main acting honors go to the cute and wildly energetic Yvette Yzon as Sharon, whose pluckiness helps her survive the group devourings suffered by several of her less fortunate cohorts as she earns "final girl" status the hard way.

As so often happens in horror films, Sharon can't just escape at the end--she must go back into the monastery for some inexplicable reason so that she can take part in the film's grand finale. Here, Bruno stages a gore-stravaganza that resembles a low-budget version of Dante's vision of zombie hell. And that squeaky sound you hear is the director stretching the budget tighter than one of those giant Acme slingshots that Wile E. Coyote once used to launch himself at the Road Runner.

The DVD from Intervision Picture Corp. is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital stereo sound. No subtitles. In addition to a trailer and an international sales promo, there's a featurette entitled "Bungle in the Jungle" in which producer Giovanni Paolucci and screenwriter Antonio Tentori talk fondly about their work on this and other films for the late Bruno Mattei. (Bruno followed up this film with a semi-sequel, ZOMBIES: THE BEGINNING, which would be his last.)

While definitely in the lower echelons of low-budget video productions, ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD is Bruno Mattei going all out with the resources at hand and coming up with a lively, old-fashioned gorefest that hovers between just plain bad and just plain fun. If that's what you're in the mood for, this is one you can really sink your teeth into.

　

ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD -- DVD Review by Porfle

MONDO BALORDO -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/9/20

 

It's the same old "mondo" mockumentary that we've seen numerous times before, and indeed these things seem as though they're churned out like sausage and packaged with new labels, but the difference with MONDO BALORDO, aka "A Fool's World" (Severin Films, 1964), is that it's narrated by none other than venerable Boris Karloff in his unmistakably dulcet tones.

This is sorta the flipside of Bela Lugosi's dour commentary on the human race in Ed Wood's GLEN OR GLENDA? "People! All going somewhere!" Bela grumbled with a scowl in that oddball classic, while Boris, in contrast, is at his most jovial here while narrating his way through the incredibly verbose script he's been handed--possibly more words than the actor ever uttered in a single movie--and seems to be rather amused by its non-stop, unabashed ridiculousness.

As always, naughty sex tales, trivia, legends, and anecdotes abound, whether joking vignettes staged for the film or actual documentary footage of strange social and sexual customs from around the world.

A Miss America contest which appears to have been held on an Italian soundstage gives way to Bedouin prostitutes selling their wares in desert tents or tribal natives engaging in unusual courting and marriage rituals.

The editing and continuity are also characteristically random. Just when we've settled into watching an attractive woman stripping for some Asian businessmen, a jarring edit places us in the wilds of Africa where a lion is savagely killing and feasting upon a zebra. Later we witness an actual exorcism in India which involves a chicken (you don't want to know how).

Homosexuality is again one of the film's major taboos to explore, as we're once again invited to marvel at how feminine the transvestites look as they dance with regularly-garbed gay men or enjoy the sight of lebians cavorting together in the sanctity of underground nightclubs.

Those who enjoy watching dwarves go about their daily lives are also indulged as we observe a diminutive hooker servicing her customer in the backseat of an abandoned car parked in an alley.

Elsewhere a man barely a meter tall in a crazy zoot suit shows off some incredible acrobatic dance moves in front of a hot rock and roll band. This guy is probably my favorite part of the whole film, partly because he's just so entertaining and partly because he helped rouse me out of the drowsy stupor that much of the rest of MONDO BALORDO was lulling me into.

Let's face it--despite its cornucopia of utter strangeness and some truly bizarre sights, much of this is a rather boring and even confusing experience. It's as though dozens of film clips of various unrelated sex jokes, titillating (for 60s standards) footage both real and staged, and standard travelogue stuff from several exotic locations around the world were swept up off the cutting room floor, thrown into a blender, pasted together, and made more palatable by having our beloved Boris bless it all with his warmly inviting vocal inflections.

The Blu-ray from Severin Films is scanned in 4K from the original negative which is in decent shape for an old and obscure film rarity of this type. (Any inherent imperfections in picture quality only add to its nostalgic appeal for me.) Anamorphic widescreen 1.66:1. Audio is English mono, with English subtitles.

Extras consist of a trailer and an added feature, THE ORIENTALS (1960), a genuine travelogue of various far Eastern locations that's told through the eyes of six women and which was scanned from a 35mm print in the Something Weird archives.

As per my usual disclaimer, many viewers will have absolutely no desire to subject themselves to such a strange mash-up of the banal and the bizarre as MONDO BALORDO--while on the other hand, there are those who will hungrily inhale this weirdly intoxicating sleazefest just like the hopeless drug addicts we see awaiting their daily fix of brain-rotting bliss.


Buy it from Severin Films

MONDO BALORDO -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THE BEATLES: MADE ON MERSEYSIDE -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/12/19

 

Writer-director Alan Byron (BILLY FURY: THE SOUND OF FURY, PUNK '76) opens his 2018 documentary THE BEATLES: MADE ON MERSEYSIDE (Film Classics) with the familiar strains of "Twist and Shout." But it's the Isley Brothers version we hear, not the Beatles' celebrated cover.

This is typical of the entire film, which features not one note of actual Beatles' music (much as the documentary JIMI HENDRIX: THE GUITAR HERO had no actual Hendrix songs save for a public domain version of "Hey, Joe") and not that many images or film clips. It's a bit like making a documentary about the Apollo space program and not including any footage of the first moon landing. 

What compensation there is consists of ample interview footage of people either directly or indirectly involved with the Beatles during their five-year rise from obscurity to stardom, including their tour manager, a business associate of Brian Epstein, Epstein's secretary, and Pete Best's brother.

Best of all (pun intended), the Beatles' initial drummer Pete Best is on hand to offer his quiet, thoughtful reminiscences from a very first-hand point of view, and it's his segments that are the most welcome ray of sunshine in the whole presentation.

What makes it most worth watching, in fact, is finding out at the end that he's enjoying a happy life, both personally and professionally, including ample compensation for "The Beatles Anthology" and a new band which makes terrific music (I've heard them--they're really good).

There are also a couple of original members of the Quarrymen giving us their equally first-hand accounts of what went down on and offstage when John, Paul, and the rest were whooping it up at the Kaiserkeller and Star Club in Hamburg or electrifying local Liverpool kids at the Cavern and Casbah clubs.

Mona Best herself turns up in old footage with son Pete, which is of interest.  And last but certainly not least, Cynthia Lennon appears briefly a few times to share her own intimately personal perspective.

Most of the other interviewees relate familiar stories while the few film clips of the Beatles are augmented by lots of B-roll footage of Liverpool and Hamburg and various locations where the Beatles lived or performed.

When we're told the old story of how young Paul and John acquired American rock and roll records from sailors down at the docks, we're shown a lengthy montage of freighters unloading their cargo at those docks.

Say they liked Elvis and we see a minute or two of Elvis performing; say they covered "Long Tall Sally" and we hear Little Richard singing it. Snatches of other songs later covered by the Beatles turn up in their original form as well.

The Beatles, it turns out, are in the periphery of their own documentary. There are some nice clips of Ringo near the end, talking about joining the band, being in the hospital, etc.  But again, no actual Beatle music.  The effect is ultimately a bit dull and, needless to say, disappointing.

The DVD from Film Movement is in 1.78:1 widescreen with 2.0 stereo sound. No subtitles or extras.

If THE BEATLES: MADE ON MERSEYSIDE were chosen to be enclosed in a time capsule, future archeologists would learn the usual pre-fame history of the group, and get brief samples of their images and speaking voices, but would have no idea what their legendary music sounded like.

THE BEATLES: MADE ON MERSEYSIDE -- DVD Review by Porfle

BIGGER STRONGER FASTER -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

(Originally posted on 12/1/10)

 

Does Batman take steroids? You might wonder about that after seeing Chris Bell's 2008 documentary BIGGER STRONGER FASTER, which reveals that a great number of our real-life heroes get where they are with the aid of performance-enhancing drugs. Particularly apt is the use of a clip from the old "Captain America" cartoon which shows the origin of the famous hero, in which he is transformed from skinny army reject into hulking superhero through chemical means.

With an engaging narration and a snappy documentary style which includes lots of stock shots, news footage, movie and TV clips, home movies, etc., Bell takes us through the various steroid-related sports scandals of recent years, from the heavy hitters of baseball to the track-and-field dynamos of the Olympics to the musclebound monsters of professional wrestling. We also find out about steroid use in unexpected areas such as academia and the military, and we see how others use them in the obsessively vain pursuit of physical perfection.

A major figure in this saga is bodybuilding legend Arnold Schwarzenegger, who embodies America's conflicting attitudes toward steroids. Arnold admits that they helped him become Mr. Olympia, yet he speaks out against them now while telling kids they can make it without them. We also see those Senate hearings in which baseball players like Mark McGwire were raked over the coals while Arnold, once appointed chairman of the President's Council on Physical Fitness and Sports, still hosts the Mr. Olympia competition which is rife with steroid use.

All of this serves as a backdrop to Chris Bell's personal story, which is the most compelling part of BIGGER STRONGER FASTER. He and his two brothers were overweight kids who dreamed of being big and strong like their wrestling and bodybuilding heroes, and eventually started using the drugs themselves. Older brother Mike ("Mad Dog") continues to use them even as his dream of becoming a pro wrestler has clearly passed him by, while younger brother Mark ("Smelly") keeps pumping himself up with them in his quest to set weightlifting records.

While their mother agonizes over her sons' decision to use drugs to better themselves, their dad philosophizes that none of our heroes are perfect. Some of the best moments come from Chris Bell's talks with his parents, because instead of an interviewer-subject situation in which he's obviously pushing a point, we get heart-to-heart talks that clearly effect him emotionally and force him to acknowledge the other side of the issue.

Meanwhile, we get to know some of the longterm gym rats who seem hopelessly addicted to the act of bulking up itself. One guy lives in a van in the parking lot of Gold's Gym. Another has increased the size of his biceps to shockingly grotesque proportions, fully aware that it makes him look like a freak, because he craves the attention. And on the other end of the spectrum, there's an HIV sufferer who has used anabolic steroids to ward off the effects of his disease for the last twenty-five years. Bell seems equally sympathetic to all of these guys.

Ultimately, BIGGER STRONGER FASTER is an indictment not of steroid use, but of its general condemnation by a public that demands not just heroes, but superheroes. Bell seems to be saying that steroids are no more harmful than Flintstone multi-vitamins, and that everyone should be allowed to take them in order to compete fairly in their chosen field of competition. As he tells us at one point: "I tried steroids, and it felt so good that I knew I had to stop. And now I can't even compete in the sport I grew up loving."

BIGGER STRONGER FASTER -- Movie Review by Porfle

ADJUST YOUR TRACKING: THE UNTOLD STORY OF THE VHS COLLECTOR -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

(Originally posted on 6/27/14)

 

First of all--just as most pre-recorded VHS tapes begin with an "FBI Warning", I feel as though I should start my review of ADJUST YOUR TRACKING: THE UNTOLD STORY OF THE VHS COLLECTOR (2013) with an "FYI Warning." In short...if you're a "normal" person who doesn't understand the obsessive nature of fandom and/or collecting, chances are this documentary about rabid VHS tape collectors will not only be uninteresting to you, but puzzling and even off-putting as well.

If, however, you share even a fraction of these guys' nostalgia for the glory days of VCRs and video stores, and can empathize with their enthusiasm due to some collecting obsession of your own, then you'll probably find this gushing fanboy love letter to VHS of more than passing interest.

As for me, I bought my first clunky top-loading Magnavox VCR in 1981, as soon as my first real job afforded me the means to do so (about $600), because for me it was the realization of a lifelong dream--the ability to actually record my favorite movies and TV shows, and to put whatever I wanted to on my TV whenever I wanted to watch it.

There were no video stores in town yet, but the appliance store where I bought my VCR had a tiny bookshelf of rental tapes. I got two free ones with my purchase and chose THE GRADUATE and WHERE'S POPPA? After setting up my new VCR at home, my excitement over pushing that big "play" button and seeing the "Magnetic Video" logo pop onto my TV screen at my own bidding was something I'll never forget. That night, I used one of my two free RCA blank tapes to record ALIEN from HBO, marveling at the fact that I could then rewind the tape and watch it again and again.

My tape collection grew quicky as those $25 RCA blank tapes (which were so solidly made that they still play well to this day) gave way to ten-dollar bundles of cheap blank tapes from Wal-Mart, and pre-recorded movies came down in price from $70-100 apiece (priced to sell mostly to video rental stores) to around $20 when a mass market for them was discovered. And the spread of the mom 'n' pop "hole in the wall" video store gave me plenty of tapes to make copies of as soon as I was able to buy a second VCR in '84.

As Troma's Lloyd Kaufman states (other commentators include Fangoria's Tony Timpone, Keith "The Bloody Ape" Crocker, Wild Eye's Rob Hauschild, and our own 42nd St. Pete, along with various authors and video store owners), video stores in those days were "like bookstores." Each one had its own individual ambience and unique selection of movies. But when big, impersonal Blockbuster came along and started driving the little guys out of business, they started selling off their stock at reduced prices. Like many others, I began buying up a lot of these tapes while they lasted.

Because of all this, I can relate to the stories told by the tape collectors in ADJUST YOUR TRACKING and easily share in their nostalgia for the medium of VHS. These guys, however, take it to a whole different, overtly obsessive level that will amuse and amaze.

Many of them, in fact, have recreated the video store experience in their own homes with massive collections displayed on shelves that take up several rooms. One guy has even created his own video store dubbed "Bradco Video" in his basement, including actual store shelves and a checkout counter. Others chatter at length about their methods of categorizing, alphabetizing, and obtaining rare titles, sometimes for hundreds of dollars (a rare piece-of-crap horror flick called TALES FROM THE QUADEAD ZONE went for almost $700 on eBay).

The collectors bask in the physical attributes of VHS, especially the mostly cheapo-looking covers which they often value more than their contents. They talk excitedly about the different distribution companies such as Vestron, Magnetic, and the popular favorite, Wizard (I still have a few of those myself). They trade stories about rare finds at flea markets, conventions, and going-out-of-business sales, and the physical sensation derived from such "lowbrow archeology" ("It feels like getting your first boner").

While the drive to collect and preserve the medium of VHS may seem merely obsessive to many, the fact remains that many films are still available solely on tape and not on DVD and are in danger of becoming lost.

Only time will tell if these torch-carriers' efforts are in vain, or if VHS will resume its place in pop culture the way the vinyl record album has (but in which the 8-track tape has not).

As for me, I resisted the encroachment of the DVD in the late 90s until I was finally won over by the medium and allowed my once-avid interest in videotape to wane. But for the hardcore enthusiasts of ADJUST YOUR TRACKING: THE UNTOLD STORY OF THE VHS COLLECTOR, there is only the delirious pleasure of taking a slab of plastic out of a crudely-decorated box and inserting it into a clunky machine, and watching something which, like life itself, is full of crackles, drop-outs, and other imperfections, and for which adjusting the tracking periodically is simply part of the fun.

(NOTE: I reviewed a screener without the extras. The 2-disc set should include a co-directors' commentary, a producers' commentary, extended interviews, a behind-the-scenes documentary, three short films by the directors, deleted scenes, festival Q & A footage, trailers, and Easter eggs. )

ADJUST YOUR TRACKING: THE UNTOLD STORY OF THE VHS COLLECTOR -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE WALKING DEAD: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/18/15

 

Well, here we go again--another season of the AMC series "The Walking Dead", which means another nonstop binge-watching session that drags on into the wee hours of the morning.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.

This is quite simply, in my opinion, one of my most watchable TV shows ever.  My annual viewing marathon is almost on the same anticipation level as a yearly holiday such as Labor Day, or at least Arbor Day.  And THE WALKING DEAD: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON, a 5-disc Blu-ray set from Anchor Bay, is a worthy continuation of that show's tradition of insane watchability.

Most people are familiar with the premise by now--a ragtag group of survivors make their way through the zombie apocalypse with ex-Georgia sheriff Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln) as their dauntless leader, trying to hold on to their humanity even as circumstances make them more hard-edged and ruthless with each struggle to stay alive.

The longer they do survive, however, the more callous they become, and season five finds Rick and his people dealing with their enemies with a blood-and-thunder attitude that would've shocked them all just a year or two ago.  If they'd run into their present selves back then, they'd have fled the other way. 

But by now they've pretty much had enough of all the other living humans who've screwed them over, such as their nemesis from the last couple of seasons, The Governor (David Morrissey).  This new set begins with the resolution to last season's tantalizing cliffhanger in which our heroes were taken prisoner by the inhabitants of a community called Terminus which is supposed to be a haven for survivors but turns out to be anything but.

Led by a smirking young sociopath named Gareth (Andrew J. West), the Terminus gang turn out to be a bunch of cannibals who gleefully harvest their human captives like cattle. The first episode casts us right into the middle of a harrowing slaughter sequence which leads to a thrilling free-for-all of humans vs. zombies vs. cannibals involving several group chow-downs of screaming victims by ravenous walkers and loads of special makeup effects, rivalling season four's spectacular opening.

Further segments will take us on a journey with our protagonists through many gripping battles for survival and encounters with other groups of people whose motives are ever under suspicion.  While the walking, flesh-devouring dead remain a constant threat, it's the living who consistently pose the greatest danger.

By this point in the series, many other factions exist with their own laws and principals, centered around a leader who is either good, bad, or insane (or a combination of the three).  Just like Ben and Harry in George Romero's original NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (from whence all other current zombie apocalypse sagas seem to have been spawned), this can lead to serious conflicts in which it's hard to tell who's right and who's wrong. 

This is especially true when Rick's group discover an idyllic walled-in community known as Alexandria, near what's left of Washington, D.C.  They're invited to become citizens of the seemingly genteel and peaceful collective, yet even here there's danger of many different kinds lurking at every turn. And by now, Rick's people have themselves become too feral to coexist with civilized society!  Tovuh Feldshuh guest stars as Alexandria's leader, Deanna, whose initially warm welcome toward them will soon turn to fear and mistrust.

The show features more fascinating continuing characters than ever and most get their time in the spotlight, including the ever-popular crossbow-wielding wild man Daryl Dixon (Norman Reedus), samurai swordswoman Michonne (Danai Gurira), lovebirds Glenn (Steven Yeun) and Maggie (Lauren Cohan), and Rick's son Carl (Chandler Riggs), whose adolescence has been unconventional to say the least. 

Tyreese (Chad L. Coleman) and his sister Sasha (Sonequa Martin-Green) each get some highly-dramatic storylines that bring home the emotional devastation that comes from living so close to death on such intimate terms every day.  Maggie's missing-in-action sister Beth (Emily Kinney) turns up again in a hospital setting known as "Slabtown" in the middle of ruined Atlanta, dealing with a mentally-unbalanced policewoman (Christine Woods) and her squad of fascist cops. 

And there's the continuing saga of Eugene (Josh McDermitt), a scientist who ostensibly holds the solution to the zombie problem if only he can get to Washington, D.C. with the help of his hulking ex-military bodyguard with the anger-management problem, Abraham (Michael Cudlitz).

Best of all, we get to see the continuing saga of Carol (Melissa McBride), the once-timid domestic abuse victim turned hardened survivalist who is the most calmly and ruthlessly pragmatic of them all.  After being exiled from the group last season, Carol is the one who rescues her former friends from the cannibals at Terminus while drenched in blood and guts in order to throw surrounding zombies off her scent.  Later, she gets back together with her friend and fellow one-time outcast Daryl in a storyline that will tie in with Beth's adventures in Slabtown. 

While most of the drama and action involve the living, there's always the ever-present threat of the walkers, who seem to pop out of nowhere every time someone turns around (sneaky little buggers).  These shambling corpses are all getting more decomposed than ever--sometimes we see something that's so horrible we think "Oh, that's not right." 

Greg Nicotero's SPFX team keep coming up with endlessly imaginative ways of grossing us out, such as zombies that are little more than blobs of napalmed flesh stuck to the pavement--still horribly "alive", of course--and waterlogged zombies who've been slogging around in a flooded basement for months. 

The combination of practical effects with impeccably-rendered CGI is excellent, often downright spectacular.  Thanks to the creativity and imagination of everyone involved, the show still has the power to flabbergast us after all these years.  Just when we should be starting to get numbed by all the gory violence and horror, something will happen to make us say "whoa."

The 5-disc, 16-episode Blu-ray set from Anchor Bay (which includes instructions for a complete digital download of its contents) is in 1.78:1 widescreen with English Dolby TrueHD 7.1 and French Dolby 2.0 surround sound.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Several of the episodes have cast and crew audio commentaries.  (A couple of episodes have post-credits "sting" scenes, so be sure not to miss them.) 

Disc five contains a wealth of extras including:
•Deleted Scenes
•Inside “The Walking Dead” (covers each individual episode)
•The Making of “The Walking Dead” (covers each individual episode)
•The Making of Alexandria
•Beth’s Journey
•Bob’s Journey
•Noah’s Journey
•Tyreese’s Journey
•A Day in the Life of Michael Cudlitz
•A Day in the Life of Josh McDermitt
•Rotters in the Flesh

These days "The Walking Dead" has so many good characters that we get several alternating plotlines to keep things interesting.  Rick and his followers are changing, growing, evolving (in some cases devolving) all over the place this season, and it makes THE WALKING DEAD: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON an endlessly entertaining treat for fans of both this show and gory zombie apocalypse epics in general to gorge themselves on. 



Our Season One review
Our Season Two review
Our Season Three review
Our Season Four review

THE WALKING DEAD: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle