CAPTAIN'S LOG, STARDATE 29.43.01:
While transporting much-needed medical supplies to planet Regula IV, which is being ravaged by a deadly plague, I've ordered the Enterprise into an uncharted sector of the galaxy in order to save time.
McCOY: "Well, Jim, the rest of the crew have had their quarterly physicals. Now are you going to come quietly, or do I have to have a security team drag you to sickbay?"
KIRK: "Not now, Bones. I...feel...we may be in danger."
SPOCK: "'Feel', Captain? Logically, your human emotions are hardly a reliable indicator of--"
CHEKOV: "Kepten, an alien wessel is approaching!"
KIRK: "On screen. Uhura, open a channel."
UHURA: "Hailing frequencies open, sir."
KIRK: "Uhura, open another channel."
UHURA: "Hailing frequencies open, sir."
SPOCK: "No response."
SULU: "All scans negative."
KIRK: "Hmmm...to be or not to be. That is the question."
SPOCK: (wry half-smile) "Shakespeare, Captain?"
KIRK: "Tactics, Mr. Spock. Do we fire phasers now...or wait. For. A. Response."
McCOY: "Blast it, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a waiter!"
SPOCK: "Really, Doctor. Your emotions will be your undoing."
McCOY: "Why, you green-blooded, pointy-eared --"
KIRK: "Gentlemen. You can argue later. If. There. Is. A. 'Later.' Sulu, lock phasers on target and stand by."
SULU: "Phasers locked."
YEOMAN RAND: "Captain, I have your afternoon dietary supplement--"
KIRK: "Not now, yeoman! Meet me in my quarters at 0500 hours. Uhura, open a channel."
UHURA: "Hailing frequencies open, sir."
BEAUTIFUL ALIEN AMBASSADOR: "I love you, Kee-Urk!"
KIRK: "Not now, Empress Adora! Meet me in my quarters at 0600--"
SPOCK: "Sir, we are being held in a tractor beam."
SULU: "Hull pressure readings at 80 percent...90 percent...off the dial."
CHEKOV: "AAAAAAH!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
KIRK: "Chekov! What's the matter?"
CHEKOV: "I beet my wittle tonk, Kepten!"
KIRK: "Sickbay, send a medical team to the bridge! Sulu, get us out of here!"
SULU: "Aye, Captain!"
KIRK: "No, I 'Captain.' You 'Sulu.'"
UHURA: "Captain, I'm...frightened."
SPOCK: "We can't break free. Hull temperature approaching critical levels. Warp engines super-heating."
KIRK: "Scotty! You have thirty seconds to fix those engines or we're all dead."
SCOTTY: [on intercom] "Ach, me poor bairns! We canna take mooch moor o' this poundin', Captoon! Me bonny ship'll explood lack a pub-crawlin' bogus frat wi' a snootful o' green --"
UHURA: "We're being hailed, Captain."
KIRK: "Open a channel."
UHURA: "Hailing frequencies open, sir."
KIRK: "Enterprise to alien vessel. Your actions are harmful to us. If you don't --"
ALIEN: "SILENCE! YOU HAVE ENCROACHED UPON OUR DOMAIN! YOUR SHIP WILL NOW BE CAPTURED AND YOUR CREW ENSLAVED!"
KIRK: "Computer...initiate self-destruct sequence."
SPOCK: "Oh, f***."
[commercial break]
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