FORGET ABOUT IT -- Movie Review by Porfle

(This review originally appeared online at Bumscorner.com in 2006.)

After suffering through FORGET ABOUT IT (2006), that's exactly what I wanted to do.  It's advertised as being "from a producer of AS GOOD AS IT GETS and JERRY MAGUIRE", but he must've been lost in the shuffle since IMDb lists about twenty executive, associate, and co-producers with their fingers in this pie.  Maybe they just wanted a lot of people around to share the blame.  Anyway, they should've gotten the producer of GET SHORTY instead, since that's the kind of movie this one desperately wants to be.

Michael Paloma plays a portly wiseguy named Nitti who steals four million dollars from Don Giovanni (also Paloma, doing a bad Brando impersonation) and disappears into the witness protection program.  He's relocated to a desert resort community in Phoenix, Arizona, where his new neighbors are retired oldster pals Sam, Carl, and Eddie (Burt Reynolds, Robert Loggia, and Charles Durning).  Before long, they stumble upon Nitti's buried stash and start living it up along with their gal pal, former Vegas showgirl Christine DeLee (Raquel Welch), until the wiseguy gets wise. 

In one sequence, the three geezers visit a nudie bar and throw wads of cash around, gaining the full attention of all the girls and angering some faux bikers who feel left out.  As we've already learned from ARMAGEDDON, there's always a gang of faux bikers who get mad when you throw too much money around in a nudie bar.  But not to worry, because these are three tough old coots and they beat up the bikers.  Really, it's just as funny as it sounds.

Meanwhile, a Mafia hit squad led by tough-guy Richard Grieco and a duo of greedy FBI agents with the hots for each other are zeroing in on Nitti's location, and we just know that when all these various characters converge it's going to be a real melee.  Not a funny melee, though--just your standard unfunny melee.  I don't think anything funny actually occurs during this entire movie, except maybe the parts where Burt and Raquel perform "Dueling Facelifts." 

If you're one of those people who shout "Oh, boy!  Richard Grieco!" you may enjoy the parts that he's in.  Fan fave Tim Thomerson shows up again (he seems to be doing that a lot lately) as one of them cowboy-hat-wearin' car salesmen.  There's even a brief, thankless cameo by legendary comedianne Phyllis Diller, who probably wished she were back doing a crappy Bob Hope comedy instead.  Guys like Bob Hope knew how to make crappy comedies that looked pretty good and were sorta funny.  Even some of today's lowest-budget indy filmmakers are turning out comedies better than this with far less resources and no big names.

Technically, FORGET ABOUT IT is subpar in every respect.  BJ Davis directs it with less finesse than one of those comedy specials that Don Adams and Don Rickles used to churn out.  The camerawork and lighting are dreary.  Even the editing is bad--shots are stacked on top of each other like Jenga blocks, and with each new scene comes yet another blast of overbearing music to convince us of how funny it is.  There's a shootout at the airport in the closing minutes that actually might've been slightly cool if that awful music weren't there to pound it into the tarmac.

None of the lead actors really put much into their characters, and you can hardly blame them.  Burt coasts on his usual comedy persona at its most casual.  Raquel, still lookin' good despite the obligatory surgical enhancement, isn't going for an Oscar here.  The fine actor Charles Durning seems lost most of the time in a role that doesn't give him much to do besides look old.  For his part, Robert Loggia tries to put some spark into this clunky story, which is no less than you'd expect from the only man alive tough enough to challenge Ben Gazzara as King of the Universe.

All in all, this has got to be one of the lamest comedies I've ever seen, and I've seen AT LONG LAST LOVE.  It makes DELTA FARCE look like a Marx Brothers film.  If you happen to spot FORGET ABOUT IT lurking on a video store shelf my advice is to do exactly what the title suggests.  I wish I could.

FORGET ABOUT IT -- Movie Review by Porfle

HOUSEWIVES FROM ANOTHER WORLD -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 3/2/10

 

 

Fred Olen Ray's Retromedia does it again with HOUSEWIVES FROM ANOTHER WORLD, another lighthearted soft-porn romp in the vein of BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN and TWILIGHT VAMPS. This time, the story which serves as a connective tissue for the numerous sex scenes is flimsier than ever, but ultimately that doesn't really matter all that much, does it? 

 

The movie opens, unsurprisingly enough, in the bedroom of Max (Frankie Cullen) and Karen (Heather Vandeven), but that's not Karen whom Max is having furious simulated sex with--it's their ditzy neighbor, Rita (Rebecca Love). 

 

Nicely intercut with this are shots of a meteor headed for a fiery rendezvous with Earth--the simple CGI looks pretty good--which might serve as a metaphor for the fact that Karen is coming home early from a business trip. When she discovers Max and Rita in bed together, she's furious. Rita, we find, was told that Karen had been killed in a freak skateboard accident and that Max needed to be held. 

 

Karen grabs a bottle of Jack and angrily stomps out into the desert behind their house, where she finds the pieces of the fallen meteor. One of the shards shoots a jolt of energy into her head, transferring an alien entity into her body. 

 

Seemingly morphed into a Stepford wife, Karen cheerfully forgives Max and Rita. But she secretly has a new mission--find the plans for a top-secret galaxy-probing satellite that Max is working on for the government and destroy them before Earth discovers her home planet, which will lead to an intergalactic war. (How? It doesn't matter.) 

 

Meanwhile, Max's competitors at work, Tom (Tony Marino) and Carla (Christine Nguyen), are busy trying to steal the plans themselves so they can take credit for them. Using meteor shards in the form of necklaces, Karen zaps Carla and Rita with more alien entities. Their mission, however, is put on hold when the intoxicating carnal sensations of their new human bodies drive them to engage in lots and lots of sex. Betcha didn't see that coming. 

 

 

As in the rest of these Retromedia sex farces, HOUSEWIVES is capably directed and looks really good for its low budget, with a pleasant musical score. Best of all, however, is the fact that the lead castmembers not only look terrific but aren't bad actors, either. Frankie Cullen and Tony Marino continue to display a deft comic sense that sets them apart from the average leering stud muffin, while Christine Nguyen's sex appeal is matched by her own skills in this area. Too bad this particular script doesn't give them much of a chance to be funny. 

 

Heather Vandeven looks about as good as you'd expect a Penthouse Pet of the Year to look and is quite enthusiastic in her sex scenes. (It appears as though she's using the famous Stanislavski method in her shower scene.) My favorite, though, is the adorable and delightfully buxom Rebecca Love, who has now joined my list of future wives which will go into effect just as soon as I become a billionaire playboy and bigamy is decriminalized. 

 

Rounding out the supporting cast are Ted Newsom as Max's boss Mr. Roberts--Ted plays a normal person for a change, and is surprisingly adept at it--and Ron Ford as the shady foreign-type (he wears a fez) who schemes to purchase the satellite blueprints from a debt-plagued Tom. Both actors bring a certain substance to their roles which adds a little weight to this otherwise paper-thin story.

The DVD from Retromedia and Infinity is widescreen with Dolby Digital sound. Extras consist of trailers for this and several other Retromedia releases. 

 

As an entry in Retromedia's growing list of sci-fi and horror-tinged softcore sex comedies, HOUSEWIVES FROM ANOTHER WORLD is extremely light on the comedy and story elements (though it does have a slight ZONTAR vibe at times). But with acres of bare skin on display and a cast that performs like Energizer bunnies at the drop of a hat, it's definitely fun to look at.

 

 

HOUSEWIVES FROM ANOTHER WORLD -- DVD Review by Porfle

JACK BROWN GENIUS -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted in 2009

Do you miss the good old days when Yahoo Serious was a cinematic force to be reckoned with? Then you may enjoy JACK BROWN, GENIUS, a 1994 comedy from New Zealand, because it plays as though producer Peter Jackson, director Tony Hiles, and co-writer Fran Walsh had him in mind for the title role when they penned the script for Wingnut Films.

The farcical nature of the story emerges during the prologue, with a 10th century English monk named Elmer (Stuart Devenie) jumping off a cliff to test his newly-invented wings only to fall to his death and be wrongly banished to Purgatory for committing "suicide." Nearly 1000 years later, but only days before Elmer is to be consigned to Hell for all time, he enters the brain of a struggling inventor named Jack Brown (Timothy Balme, BRAINDEAD) and nags him into trying to succeed where he failed, thus convincing God that Elmer didn't really intend to commit suicide after all. (Wait--isn't God supposed to be omniscient? Oh, never mind.)

I've seen "Scooby-Doo" episodes that made more sense, but this movie just blithely sails along as though the story weren't completely out to lunch. Like a weird medieval variation of INNERSPACE (with a dash of HUDSON HAWK thrown in, God help us), we see Elmer bopping around inside Jack's brain and poking at his nerves and blood vessels to get attention whenever Jack starts to work on his current project (hydraulic leaping shoes) for his demanding boss (Edward Campbell). "Thou canst not silence me, Jack! Thy brainpan is my permanent place of abode!" Elmer insists.

After spending some time in a "Regional Centre for the Deeply Disturbed", Jack actually does invent a working pair of wings, only to have the power source stolen by The Boss and his evil dominatrix girlfriend, Sylvia (Lisa Chappell), to sell to an Asian businessman. Meanwhile, Jack's best friend Dennis (Marton Csokas, LORD OF THE RINGS, THE BOURNE SUPREMACY), who runs a mobile hot dog stand, is seduced into helping Sylvia while his bride-to-be Eileen (Nicola Murphy) starts to fall for Jack, whom she thinks is crazy. Okay, where did I lose you?

JACK BROWN GENIUS features some nicely garish set design and is directed like a cartoon, full of hyperkinetic action and ridiculous plot developments that just barrel along like a circus wagon with no brakes. Some potentially funny situations are set up and then just sailed through without any elaboration--this movie could've been twice as funny if the writers had just taken the time to insert some comedy into the comedy scenes. This is especially true during Jack's stay in the nuthouse, although the part where he tries to silence Elmer by subjecting himself to shock treatment is nicely done.

Then again, the movie sometimes manages to pull off some almost dazzling sequences out of the blue. Angry with Jack for messing up their leaping-shoes deal with the Asians, The Boss takes after him in a car with the intent of running him down. This leads to some incredible stunt/effects scenes involving a car and two speeding trains as Jack leaps for his life. Another chase in a garbage dump has Jack and Eileen being pursued by a livid Sylvia in a demolition-derby style smash-up with an exhilarating finale. And the climactic flying effects are well-done.

I enjoyed some of the dialogue, such as this simple exchange:

JACK: "There's a monk in my head, Eileen."
EILEEN: "Pardon?"

Timothy Balme is appropriately cartoonlike in the title role, a perplexed wacky-inventor type who depends on his imagination to get him out of a scrape. Nicola Murphy is likable in her debut as Eileen, although her sudden infatuation with Jack, who throws up on her shoes and seems insane enough for her to have him committed to an asylum, seems a bit of a stretch. As The Boss, Edward Campbell has a gruff Vinnie Jones-like thing going. Marton Csokas, who would go on to have quite a successful career, does what he can with the role of Dennis, which is just all over the map.

Likewise, Stuart Devenie makes the best of his wacky monk character, Elmer, which consists mainly of being irritating and bouncing around inside a big rubber brain. My favorite supporting character has to be Lisa Chappell as bad girl Sylvia, for reasons which I will leave to your conjecture. She has the one graphic gore scene in the film, but, unfortunately, neither of the two bare behinds on display belong to her. (You don't wanna know who they do belong to.)

I watched a barebones screener so I can only say that the final DVD extras should include a stills gallery. The 16 x 9 anamorphic widescreen image and 2.0 Dolby Digital audio are good. The film has a nice pop music score and I especially liked the song "Not an Ordinary Life" by the Brainchilds.

JACK BROWN GENIUS gets by on a certain amount of inventiveness, some appealing actors, and lots of energy--which adds up to a decent amount of fun. It isn't one of the best comedies ever made, but it's one of the best comedies that Yahoo Serious never made.

JACK BROWN GENIUS -- Movie Review by Porfle

Coopers' Christmas (2008): "I Kill Poppy!" (video)

 

This scene from the 2008 comedy "Coopers' Christmas" teaches a valuable lesson: if you're Poppy, you should never let your guard down around Dougie.

(Caution: something violent happens)

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Coopers' Christmas (2008): "I Kill Poppy!" (video)

SNUFF BOX: THE COMPLETE SERIES -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/5/11

 

Here's the bottom line--if you have the same sense of humor that I do, you'll love SNUFF BOX: THE COMPLETE SERIES, the six-episode sketch comedy series starring British comedian Matt Berry and American comedian Rich Fulcher.  However, if you don't have the same sense of humor that I do, then this review is probably the closest you'll ever want to ever get to it, ever ever ever.

Another condition--it will help if you're a fan of things like "Monty Python's Flying Circus", "Mr. Show", "Kids in the Hall", and various other showcases for surrealistic silliness and illogical irreverence.  But since this show isn't taped in front of a live audience and uses cinema-style photography and editing, Berry and Fulcher are able to let their imaginations drift through the same kind of demented mental landscape from which things like "Alice in Wonderland" emerge.

As a framing device, the boys live in a posh gentlemen's club started by Matt's great-uncle Sir Charles Berry and carry on his family business of hanging people at the local prison.  Most episodes, in fact, begin with a humorous hanging (Condition #3: must enjoy humorous hangings, Russian roulette, and other lighthearted but graphic violence) after which we join Matt and Rich in the club's lounge, establishing the storyline from which the various comedy sketches are, if you'll pardon the expression, hung.

Matt's character is a pompous, conceited womanizer who always steals Rich's girlfriends away from him and cheats him out of his royalty checks from the estate of his late mother, Mama Cass Elliott.  Rich is a naive, Stimpy-like fall guy for the most part, although he can revert into a sadistic tormenter who shares Matt's personal diary confessions with the world and ruins all of his attempts at public speaking by blurting out all his punchlines.  Because of this, Matt often vows to kill Rich, even purchasing several books on the subject such as "How to Kill Rich Fulcher With Poison Darts." 

In the tradition of such shows, the two stars play most of the other characters themselves thanks to clever use of editing and green-screen.  These include a nerd (Fulcher) with an intense sexual fixation toward various objects such as lollipops, teddy bears, and his own arm, and Sir Charles (Berry), whom Rich visits in 1888 via a magic doorway next to the club's restroom.  One of the best episodes features a visit from Matt and Rich's brothers--naturally, Rich's obnoxious redneck brother wants to kill him, while Rich's "specially challenged" brother James makes a screamingly funny appearance on a British pop music show.

Other noteworthy stand-alone bits: Rich takes center stage in the delightful "Rapper With a Baby" music video; Matt is a video guitar teacher with a grotesquely long ring finger; Rich plays a stern art museum guide in "Full Metal Jacket" drill-sergeant mode; and Matt's solemn musical tribute to a deceased brother suddenly turns into a cheesy Edgar Winter spoof complete with strap-on keyboard.

My favorite running gags, however, are those which involve Matt and Rich as themselves and are part of the overall storyline that (sort of) links the six episodes together.  Matt's attempts to purchase a pair of silver cowboy boots from a chic store results in him being savagely beaten by a succession of surprisingly violent salespersons.  He also displays dashingly chivalrous behavior towards a number of attractive women until their mention of the word "boyfriend" brings out his violent streak.  Rich's problems getting girls to like him also result in several funny bits, culminating in his engagement to an ape woman with whom Rich is caught having public intercourse during the wedding reception.

While watching the show I kept detecting a nagging similarity to something else besides other sketch comedy shows I'd seen before.  When Rich steps through a doorway and plummets into a swimming pool, it finally hit me--in addition to being like "Monty Python", "Mr. Show", et al, SNUFF BOX's surrealistic style is strongly akin to the mindblowing 1968 Monkees' film, HEAD.  Adding to this is Matt Berry's cool score, which revolves around a single reoccuring song and ties the series together musically while frequently erupting into full-blown production numbers.  This surprisingly lush score, along with the show's mid-budget feature film look, gives it the feel of an extended movie that should be watched in one sitting to be fully appreciated. 

The DVD from Severin Films is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital sound.  No subtitles.  Extras include featurettes "Taking Control of Your Body" with testimonials from the likes of Simon Pegg and "Weird Al" Yankovic, "Locations Walking Tour", "The Score", "Inside the Snuff Box", more testimonials, outtakes, and commentaries by Matt and Rich for episodes 1, 2, and 6.  Best of all is a bonus CD containing 36 minutes of music and songs from the soundtrack.

With its weird blend of sex, violence, profanity, and just plain strangeness, SNUFF BOX: THE COMPLETE SERIES is the kind of entertainment that will appeal to a small but devoted audience, as evidenced by its initial failure on BBC 3 (it was only shown once in 2006) and subsequent cult popularity.  If this sounds good to you, then you owe it to yourself to have a go at this obscure comedy gem.

SNUFF BOX: THE COMPLETE SERIES -- DVD Review by Porfle

BANG BANG BABY -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/4/15

It's nice to see a low-budget project in which talent and ambition combine to create something impressive.  With BANG BANG BABY (2014), first-time writer and director Jeffrey St. Jules and company have done just that, and it couldn't have been easy to create a candy-coated 60s musical that takes place inside a surreal, sci-fi/horror nightmare.

Our heroine, Stepphy (Jane Levy, EVIL DEAD remake), wonders at one point if she is indeed living in a nightmare, but before that she's a bright, starry-eyed young girl who wants to win a talent contest and become a singing star--preferably, one who sings duets with her heartthrob, rock-and-roll dreamboat Bobby Shore (Justin Chatwin, Tom Cruise's son in WAR OF THE WORLDS).

Stepphy wins an audition in New York, but her widowed, alcoholic dad, George (Peter Stormare, FARGO, ARMAGEDDON) won't let her go because he's sick and lonely, and knows enough about the music business to be extremely pessimistic about her chances.  She's crushed until fate steps in--while out walking one night, Stepphy meets Bobby Shore and his manager, Helmut, whose car has broken down, and invites them back to her house. 

Stepphy and Bobby fall in love.  Bobby cooks up a plan to open up a casino and performance theater in town, so that he and Stepphy can sing together and she won't have to leave George on his own.  Everything seems to be heading toward a storybook perfect, happily-ever-after ending.  

That's the candy-coated part, and up till now BANG BANG BABY seems spun from the same cotton candy machine that John Waters' HAIRSPRAY swirled out of.  Sweet-voiced Jane Levy not only sings like a bird but is wonderfully chipper as Stepphy, while Justin Chatwin does a peppermint-smooth take on the dulcet-voiced, pompadored early-60s rock-and-roll idol.

The film's whimsical art design is like a series of colorful comic book panels, cartoony and artificial, although the perpetually subdued lighting seems to hint at something dark below the surface. 

Indeed, the sci-fi/horror elements have been lurking in the shadows all along, ever since Stepphy's creepy admirer Fabian (David Reale, CHLOE, ONE WEEK) took advantage of her drunken state one night while parked next to the toxic chemical plant that he runs, which, incidentally, is leaking clouds of mutation-inducing gas that will eventually infect the entire town in grotesque ways. (Stepphy herself, it turns out, has been "infected" in more ways than one.)
 
What transpires after that is a dazzling synthesis of clashing sensibilities in which the breezy smalltown musical finds itself veering straight through ERASERHEAD territory, complete with a bleak, joyless marriage and a horrifically strange baby. 

The script flits nimbly between surreal comedy and utter tragedy--there's even a mass suicide when the infected townspeople can't bear what they're turning into any longer--while always maintaining just the right balance to give the film a pleasing fantasy ambience to the very end. 

Even the relatively small budget works to give things more of an unreal feeling.  At night we sense the darkened soundstage, as when Stepphy and Bobby serenade each other in her astro-turfed backyard, and in daytime scenes we notice a fake background scrolling past like something out of "The Flintstones."  The inherent fantasy of the musical form allows the director to lure us into a feverish dream world which will continuously turn bizarre and nightmarish.

But what really makes BANG BANG BABY work, aside from the truly compelling story and quirky visual appeal, are the great songs and music, especially Jane Levy's exquisite opening number and the catchy title tune.  These "Hit Parade"-type songs alternate with rock opera to carry the plot through a world that is wonderfully weird, yet somehow down to earth enough for us to relate to it. 


Official Trailer

BANG BANG BABY -- Movie Review by Porfle

MULTIPLE SARCASMS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/8/10

Back in the old days when I owned the only VCR in the family, my sisters would go to the video store and come back with bags full of chick flicks, which I would have to suffer through.  I'm not sure if even they would've enjoyed writer-director Brooks Branch's MULTIPLE SARCASMS (2010), but, to be fair, I suspect that they still would've derived some mysterious and indefinable emotional sustenance from it which totally escapes me.

A disheveled Timothy Hutton plays Gabriel, who wanders through the movie being vaguely dissatisfied with his life as a successful architect with an attractive wife (Dana Delaney as "Annie") and a darling daughter, Lizzie (India Ennenga), both of whom love him.  Sounds great, but darn it, he isn't living his life--it's living him!  (Or something like that.)  So he decides to let everything go to hell while he writes a play which, conveniently, is about his life so that he can put all of his self-pity into words while striving to "find himself."

Mira Sorvino is Cari, a fantasy BFF who's inexplicably supportive and excited about everything Gabe does, while Stockard Channing is his agent Pamela who urges him to complete the play so they can dish it up to an eager public.  Poor Gabe, however, can't do that because he doesn't know how the story comes out yet--he must finish wrecking his life before he can write the ending.  So whenever he breaks up with Annie, fritters away his job, publicly humiliates his daughter, or makes a drunken pass at Cari, we next find the soulful scribe hunched over his typewriter recording it all for posterity. 

Gabe says repeatedly that he doesn't know why he feels "shitty" about his relatively good life, and neither do we.  So why should we care?  He's a one-man self-pity party obsessively scrutinizing himself through a whine-o-scope and it gets old really fast.  After awhile, in fact, he starts to come off less as a troubled aspiring artist and more like a guy who's developing serious mental problems.

The film shuffles from one dull dialogue scene to the next with Gabe either being passively confrontational with Annie, seeking support from Cari or his sympathetic gay co-worker Rocky (a semi-amusing Mario Van Peebles), or proving to Lizzie (and us) that he's still a really good dad so that we'll sympathize with him, too.  As you might guess, each foray into the turbulent terrain of his aching heart is accentuated by tender acoustic guitar and piano ballads by the likes of Yusuf "Cat Stevens" Islam. 

Some of these scenes, particularly one between Gabe and Cari in her office, are just plain drama-class awful, the actors coming off as jaded old pros noodling over their lines together without putting any real effort into them.  The script isn't much help, as in this exchange between Annie and Gabe:

"I love you, but..." (pause) "I am really angry..." (pause) "inside."
"We need to get ourselves back, Annie."

Young India Ennenga as Lizzie gives what is probably the film's best performance and gets to deliver one of its few really funny lines to Hutton:  "I don't know, I guess I'm just PMS-ing or something--you know, like you and Mom?"  Dana Delaney does her best with a thankless role, almost making me forgive her for ruining TOMBSTONE, while Mira Sorvino has very little to work with. 

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras include a "making of" featurette, cast and crew interviews, and a trailer.

After you're done giggling at the clever title, MULTIPLE SARCASMS offers little in the way of amusing comedy or interesting drama.  In one scene, Stockard Channing as Gabe's brassy agent Pamela pretty succinctly sums up what I've been thinking throughout the film:  "Gabriel, I love you, I really do, but this f**king whining white guy shit has gotta stop."

MULTIPLE SARCASMS -- DVD Review by Porfle

LOONEY TUNES SUPER STARS: TWEETY & SYLVESTER -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 1/19/2011
 

When the Warner Brothers animation department was at its peak in the 40s and 50s, they consistently churned out some of the best and funniest cartoons ever made.  One of their most memorable comedy teams was the cute little bird Tweety and the always-hungry cat Sylvester, whose catchphrases ("I taught I taw a putty tat!" and "Sufferin' succotash!") are part of cartoon history.  With Warner Home Entertainment's LOONEY TUNES SUPER STARS: TWEETY & SYLVESTER, fifteen of their classic shorts have been collected on DVD--some uproariously funny, others not quite hitting the bullseye.

The team, who had already appeared individually in several Warner Brothers shorts, scored an Academy Award for Best Short Subject (Cartoons) with their first pairing, 1947's "Tweetie Pie" (sic).  This initial outing, in which homeless Tweety is taken in by a household whose cat sees the tiny bird as a mouth-watering meal, seems to be an answer to MGM's Tom and Jerry.  The cat who would later be known as "Sylvester" is referred to here as "Thomas" just like the MGM character, and is similarly harangued by a generic housewife seen only from the waist down. 

With Tweety's cage suspended from the ceiling, he sits in his swing warbling a strange little tune ("I love little putty, his throat is so warm...And if I don't hurt him, he'll do me no harm").  Meanwhile, Sylvester devises a series of ingenious methods of attaining his prey, giving the writers a chance to come up with some pretty funny material while establishing the basic formula for the series.  Sylvester causes more and more chaos and destruction with each attempt, either by his own ineptitude or the playful deviousness of the little bird.
 

Next comes "Bad Ol' Putty Tat" (1949), the classic situation in which a cartoon cat lays siege to a bird perched high up in a birdhouse, and "All Abir-r-r-d!" (1950), with similar antics taking place in the baggage compartment of a passenger train.   These initial offerings are mid-level Warner Brothers stuff, well-drawn and animated but not all that outstanding. 

With "Canary Row" (1950), the characters have come into their own and the gags are snappy and clever.  "Friz" Freleng's direction also gets progressively sharper and more inventive.  As always, musical maestro Carl Stallings' score plays a major part in making the action a lot funnier as Sylvester tries to sneak into a hotel to get Tweetie.  Thanks to voiceover legend Mel Blanc, we hear the cat speak for the first time as he impersonates a bellboy: "Your bagth...madame?"

Blanc's speeded-up voice is charmingly funny as Tweety sings his theme song over the titles:

"I'm a sweet little bird in a gilded cage
Tweety's my name but I don't know my age
I don't have to worry and that is that
I'm safe in here from that old putty tat."

Tweety's kindly old protector, Granny (first voiced by Bea Benederet, later by June Foray), makes her first appearance as well, thus rounding out the cast and giving the series a more distinctive character.  Thankfully for us cat lovers, it's not as painful seeing Granny whack Sylvester with her umbrella as some faceless harridan beating him with a broom.


1951's "Putty Tat Trouble" opens with Tweety shoveling snow out of his nest ("This is what I get for dweaming of a white Chwistmas!") and catching the attention of two housecats, Sylvester and a roughhousing rival, who go at it tooth and nail over the tiny bird.  This is the first real laugh riot of the collection and had me guffawing out loud several times.  (Look for the cardboard box with the words "Friz--America's Favorite Gelatin Dessert", a self-reference by director "Friz" Freleng.) 

The all-out hilarity continues in "Room and Bird" (1951), with both Granny and Sylvester's owner sneaking their pets into a "No Pets Allowed" hotel where they're joined in mischief by a belligerent bulldog, causing the house detective a huge headache.   "Tweety's S.O.S." (1951), in which Sylvester spots Tweety through the porthole of his cabin on board a docked ship, gives the cat another rare early line of dialogue: "Hell-o, breakfast!"  Later, when Granny catches him and he puts on an innocent act, Tweety exclaims "Ooh, what a hypocwite!"

"Tweet Tweet Tweety" (1951) takes place in a national forest with Sylvester trying to cut down the tree in which Tweety's nest is perched.  We hear his catchphrase "Sufferin' succotash!" for the first time here as he grows increasingly more talkative.  "Gift Wrapped" (1952) is an amusing Christmas-themed story.

In "Ain't She Tweet" (1952), a pet store delivers Tweety to Granny, who also keeps a hundred or so vicious bulldogs fenced in her yard.  The sight of Sylvester repeatedly falling into this roiling mass of teeth and claws in his attempts to get into the house are somewhat nightmarish. 

"Snow Business" (1953) is the first time we see "Tweety & Sylvester" billed together as a team.  They start out as friends this time, until they get snowed in up in Granny's mountain cabin with nothing to eat but bird seed.  While a starving Sylvester tries to trick Tweety into a boiling stew pot, he must also avoid a hungry mouse who's after him.  For some reason, the cat never thinks of eating the mouse.

"Satan's Waitin'" (1954) suffers from an unwieldy premise--Sylvester gets killed while chasing Tweety, goes to Hell, then finds that his punishment will be delayed while his other eight lives are snuffed out one by one.  An unfunny bulldog-Satan eggs them on in a series of tepid gags, each climaxing with another death.  Geez, getting hit with a broom is bad enough--I don't really want to see Sylvester being cast into a fiery lake of devilish bulldogs for all eternity.

1961's "The Last Hungry Cat" shows the more modern influence of later WB cartoons with angular backgrounds rendered in an appealingly creative way.  High concept strikes again in this spoof of "The Alfred Hitchcock Show" in which Sylvester thinks he has "murdered" Tweety and is sought by the police.  The guilt-ridden cat suffers a torturous, sleepless night, constantly needled by the Hitchcock-like narrator, until he discovers Tweety is still alive and reverts back to form.  While this short is nice to look at, it just isn't funny.
 

The trend of over-thinking these stories continues with "Birds Anonymous" (1957).  Sylvester is initiated into an "AA"-type group for bird-crazed cats, who are presented as helpless addicts.  ("I was a three-bird-a-day cat," one of them testifies.) 

Increasingly preoccupied with being clever, the writers of these later cartoons sometimes forget to pack in the funny, fast-paced gags that made this series so popular in the first place.  Here, Sylvester endures yet another mental ordeal, with a grotesque bloodshot-eyes closeup that's almost a duplicate of the one from "The Last Hungry Cat."  Why the heck has Sylvester suddenly turned into Ray Milland?

The final short in the collection, "Tweety and the Beanstalk" (1957), is a fun take-off on the old fairytale (June Foray can be heard as the unseen woman who throws Jack's magic beans out the window).  The idea of Sylvester running around the giant's castle trying to nab a Tweety who's the same size as him, while eluding a monstrous bulldog, sounds tiresome at first but actually manages to generate some old-style sight gags with an outrageous ending.

The DVD is in standard format (no choice of matted widescreen this time) with Dolby Digital English and Spanish mono sound, and subtitles in English and French.  The titles on this disc have appeared previously in other Warner Brothers DVD collections.

While uneven in quality, the fifteen shorts in LOONEY TUNES SUPER STARS: TWEETY & SYLVESTER are examples of some of the finest theatrical cartoons ever produced by one of the top animation studios of its time, in an era when such fare was designed to be enjoyed and appreciated by audiences of all ages. 

LOONEY TUNES SUPER STARS: TWEETY & SYLVESTER -- DVD Review by Porfle

JAMES BOND AND THE TIPSY TOURIST (video)

On three separate occasions, James Bond's incredible escapades are witnessed by the same hapless tourist. 

Wherever in the wide world this poor guy goes on vacation...he can't get away from Bond.

And the wilder Bond's antics, the more this guy wonders what the heck's in his drink.

THE SPY WHO LOVED ME (1977) Sardinia
MOONRAKER (1979) Venice
FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (1981) The Alps

Hopefully, his next vacation will be blissfully Bond-free. But one thing's for sure...

This guy needs a new travel agent! 


Tipsy Tourist: Victor Tourjansky

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

JAMES BOND AND THE TIPSY TOURIST (video)

BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN and TWILIGHT VAMPS -- DVD Reviews by Porfle

Originally posted on 1/30/10

 

 

As great as Universal Studios' classic "Frankenstein" movies of the 30s and 40s are, there was always one key ingredient curiously missing from all of them--beautiful naked babes having sex. Whether this was merely an oversight or, for some inexplicable reason, directors such as James Whale and Rowland V. Lee intentionally omitted this vital element, legendary "B" moviemaker Fred Olen Ray's Retromedia Entertainment has finally corrected this problem with the release of BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN (2009).

And rest assured, there's a veritable buttload of steamy softcore, simulated sex scenes in this film, with the story serving as a sort of connective tissue between them. It's kind of a shame, in fact, that we don't get to see more of that story since it's really fun and the actors all give exceptional comic performances. Unlike some preening 70s porno stud like Randy West donning a pair of glasses and trying to be "funny", Frankie Cullen is genuinely, cartoonishly amusing as Dr. Victor Frankenstein, a nebbishy scientist who gets booted (yes, "booted") out of his university teaching job for banging a buxom cheerleader on his desk.

Tony Marino is also funny as Victor's rival, Clive, who gleefully reports the Doc's carnal activities to Professor Van Sloane (actor-filmmaker Ted Newsom in fine comic form). As it happens, both Cullen and Marino happen to be a couple of pretty buffed-out hunks, which should keep the straight chicks and gay dudes in the audience occupied while the heterosexual males get an eyefull of the gorgeous female-type characters. These include voluptuous blonde knockout Brandin Rackley as Dr. Frankenstein's ditzy lab assistant Ingrid, exotic Christine Nguyen as Clive's sexy wife Claudia, and the delightfully winsome Alexis Texas as the aforementioned cheerleader, Debbie.

Retreating to his castle in Transylvania, Victor vows to prove his theories to his skeptical colleagues by bringing life to the dead, which in this case is the tall, lissom Jayden Cole as "Eve." She doesn't actually wear a bikini--more like two strips of gauze--but that doesn't matter since she gets naked pretty quick anyway. A carnal encounter with Ingrid reveals Eve's tendency to crackle with electricity whenever they connect the minus to the minus, so to speak.

Later, Victor returns to the States along with Eve and Ingrid, where, at a cocktail party attended by Clive, Claudia, Professor Van Sloane, and Dr. Waldman (Ron Ford with an enormous fake moustache), he plans to reveal Eve as his triumphant creation after she's sufficiently impressed everyone. Eve does this by having sex with Clive and then engaging in a three-way with Ingrid and Claudia (Claudia also finds time to get it on with Victor as well) which ultimately comes to an unfortunate and, to me, rather abrupt conclusion.

Nicholas Medina's direction is quite good and Sherman Scott's screenplay is stocked with fun references to the classic Frankenstein films. Aside from all the obvious name-dropping, the opening scene has Victor illustrating a scientific procedure that seems inspired by a certain Dr. Neimann from HOUSE OF FRANKENSTEIN (dog included) and Ingrid is obviously inspired by Teri Garr's character in YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN, albeit with even more impressive "knockers." One of the film's best features is its cinematography, which looks just plain great, and the musical score is also easy on the ears.

Personally, I find long, drawn-out sex scenes to be pretty boring after the first minute or so, but the ones in this film benefit from truly great-looking performers and skillful execution. Add to this a nutty cast, lighthearted script, and pleasing production values, and BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN, while lacking a satisfactory ending, is a creation that's more than the sum of its parts.

TWILIGHT VAMPS (2009), on the other hand, isn't quite as enjoyable comedy-wise but maintains the same high standards in regard to the sex scenes while boasting pretty much the same cast. This time Frankie Cullen and Tony Marino play Jack and Roger, a couple of office drones who decide to unwind at a flashy new strip club called Shadows, which just happens to be a front for a bunch of beautiful vampires who drain male customers of their money, sexual energies, and blood.

Having just been dumped by his girlfriend Louise after discovering that she was a dyke interested only in banging her girlfriends and emptying his bank account, Jack falls for sexy blonde dancer Tabitha (Brandin Rackley) while Roger is smitten with Angela (Christine Nguyen). Before long, however, Jack discovers the blood-splattered truth and is forced to become an amateur vampire hunter armed only with a bottle of holy water that's gone past its expiration date.

With the same above-average production values, cinematography, and performances as BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN, TWILIGHT VAMPS is breezy low-budget entertainment that's pleasing to the eye. In addition to the usual plethora of simulated sex scenes which are equally well-done, the strip club setting affords lucky viewers the opportunity to watch the leading ladies show off their considerable poledancing skills. Ultra-fabulous babe Brandin Rackley, who has instantly leapt into the top five of my favorite actresses of this week, is especially awesome in this department (although the exquisite Christine Nguyen offers her close competition in terms of hotness). The opposite of her goofy "Ingrid" character from BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN, Brandin's "Tabitha" is sublimely gorgeous and seductive. In fact, she should be receiving my marriage proposal in the mail any day now, and my fingers are crossed that she'll check the "yes" box. Wish me luck!

Ron Ford returns as Jack's unappreciative boss, Mr. Cartwright, this time sporting an outlandishly fake beard, while Ted Newsom shows up again as a terse, suspicious police detective who questions Jack in regard to one of the vampire murders. In addition to giving his usual solid performance, Ted gets to reprise one of the most celebrated quotes from Ed Wood's classic PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, and delivers the line with much relish. (Or whatever the craft services people were serving that day.)

Once again, Nicholas Medina handles the directing chores while also contributing the screenplay, which, according to the opening titles, is "based on the poem by Edgar Allen Poe." What poem by Edgar Allen Poe? I don't remember him writing anything called "Twilight Vamps." Maybe it's one of his lesser-known works. The associate producer is identified as one "Thorn Sherman", although it's unclear whether or not this is the same Thorn Sherman portrayed by actor James Best in THE KILLER SHREWS. If so, my hat's off to the guy for defeating those horrible monsters and scoring Miss Universe 1957 in the bargain.

Infinity Entertainment Group's DVDs of TWILIGHT VAMPS and BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN are presented in 16 x 9 widescreen and 2.0 Dolby Stereo. Special features include original trailers.

TWILIGHT VAMPS is filled with visual delights and, while not quite as much giddy fun, makes a fitting companion piece to BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN. Both films are worth checking out for the sex scenes alone, with the added benefit of talented actors and production values that are clearly superior to the usual low-budget fare. So the next time the guys are over at your place for the usual Saturday night drunken wing-ding, leave GIRLS GONE WILD on the shelf and pop one of these babies into the DVD player, and go nuts.

BIKINI FRANKENSTEIN and TWILIGHT VAMPS -- DVD Reviews by Porfle

RETURN TO THE 36TH CHAMBER -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

 

Originally posted on 2/15/10

 

 

It's not every day you get to watch a kung fu movie that's as much pure, hyperkinetic fun as RETURN TO THE 36TH CHAMBER (1980), a thrilling fists 'n' feet comedy from the Shaw Brothers that's a sequel to the classic THE 36TH CHAMBER OF SHAOLIN.

The story opens with the shady boss of a fabric mill hiring some Manchurian thugs to intimidate his employees into working harder while giving them a pay cut. Horse-faced worker Chao (sporting a set of buck teeth that would embarrass Mortimer Snerd) enlists his con artist pal Chou Jen Chieh (Gordon Liu, who's most widely-known these days from the KILL BILL movies) to pose as revered Shaolin monk San Te in order to frighten Boss Wong and his men. The ruse works at first, but when the suspicious Wong challenges Chieh to demonstrate his skills, the result is a humiliating defeat that sends him fleeing for his life as the hapless workers are thrashed into submission.

Vowing to help his friends somehow, Chieh resolves to learn kung fu for real and bluffs his way into the Shaolin temple only to come face-to-face with the real San Te (Ching Chia, in the role originated by Gordon Liu himself in the first film). Thus begins the middle section of the film which is a non-stop slapstick delight, with Chien bumbling around like a dervish amidst the solemn monks and apprentices and comically mimicking their training.

 

When San Te orders him to construct bamboo scaffolding around the entire temple in preparation for its renovation, which will take years, Chien thinks he's being shunted aside. As he labors at his task he observes the trainees going through their paces and applies their movements to his own work, thereby eventually learning kung fu without even realizing it. This lengthy sequence is incredibly inventive and endlessly fun, and Gordon Liu displays a boundless energy and natural comic ability that's downright infectious.

His task completed, Chien is expelled from the temple and returns home in defeat, believing himself a failure. But it doesn't take long for him to realize that he's not only inadvertently learned kung fu but has also created his own variation--"Scaffolding Style"! His final confrontation with Mr. Wong and the Manchurians leads to a frenetic 20-minute action sequence that beats the hell out of MATRIX: RELOADED's CGI-laden "Burly Brawl", with no special effects and little or no wirework in sight. The action doesn't let up for a second and the fighting style is dazzlingly inventive, building to the final showdown between Chieh and Mr. Wong on--what else?--a scaffold.

 

The direction (by Liu Chia-Liang), camerawork, and editing are all first-rate for this kind of film, with fight choreography that doesn't always look totally realistic but is lots of fun anyway. The ways in which Chieh's "Scaffolding Style" is worked into the final battle is almost cartoonishly effective as he leaves his opponents hogtied to bamboo poles or wrapped together in bunches with lightning-fast moves. In some ways, the film is wonderfully cheesy and the castmembers overact their roles with abandon, which, in this case, is entirely appropriate.

With his amazing feats of dexterity and comedy timing, Gordon Liu carries the story with a full-throttle performance that never lets up. Pretending to be an experienced kung fu master, he blunders his way through one obstacle course with such artless abandon that one monk marvels, "Your kung fu is incredible! I could hardly follow it." Low comedy rears its head as he tricks another pupil into drinking some laxative-laced tea and then calls after him, "Better find a place to take a dump!" My favorite line, though, comes during the final battle with the evil boss, when Chieh brings things to a sudden halt and states magnanimously, "That's it, Mr. Wong. I will hurt you if we continue."

 

The single-disc DVD from Dragon Dynasty and Celestial Pictures is in widescreen with Mandarin, Cantonese, and English mono. Subtitles are in English and Spanish. With naught but a few trailers at the start, this is surprisingly barebones for a Dragon Dynasty release.

A fast-moving, fun, and colorful romp with lots of old-fashioned kung fu-movie charm, RETURN TO THE 36TH CHAMBER is a must-see for Shaw Brothers fans and anyone else who's in the mood for a hefty dose of thrills and laughs. I had a ball watching it.

Read our review of  DISCIPLES OF THE 36TH CHAMBER

RETURN TO THE 36TH CHAMBER -- DVD Review by Porfle

FATHER'S DAY -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 2/24/12

 

I didn't know quite what to expect when I started watching FATHER'S DAY (2011), a condition which persisted throughout the entire movie.  Just when you think you've pretty much figured out what it is you're watching, it turns into something a whole lot weirder and several times nuttier.

Written, directed, and starred in by a group of Winnipeg filmmakers who call themselves Astron-6, it's an unashamedly stupid, gore-drenched grab bag of tongue-in-cheek tough-guy action-horror-comedy antics done in the fake-grindhouse style of PLANET TERROR, but with real grindhouse production values and attitude. 

Most nostalgic of all for me, it's presented as though home-taped sometime during the 80s off a late-night cable station called ASTR-TV, complete with promo bumpers, smarmy announcer, and a mid-movie faux trailer for something really, really cheesy called STAR RAIDERS.

The story begins in semi-sane fashion with corpulent "Father's Day Killer" Chris Fuchman (Mackenzie Murdock) raping and butchering dads, including that of gay street hustler Twink (Conor Sweeney).  This repellent character also killed the father of young Ahab and cut out his right eye in the bargain. 

Now grown up, Ahab (Adam Brooks) is a growly-voiced, eye-patched "Snake Plissken" type out for revenge along with his stripper sister Chelsea (Amy Groening), the addlebrained Twink, and a jittery young priest named Father John (Matthew Kennedy) whose blind, aging mentor also met a horrific Fuchman-related fate. 

What follows makes ARMY OF DARKNESS look like a Doris Day/Rock Hudson comedy as this simple revenge flick gets progressively more absurd.  Characters obsess "Monty Python"-style over simple figures of speech, as when Ahab tells Father John that it's time to harvest his maple syrup before it turns bitter and Father John wrongly interprets this as a metaphor for Ahab and his sister Chelsea, after which a confused Ahab spends five minutes trying to figure out why Father John just compared him to a tree.

Twink, meanwhile, begins the film as a deceptively serious character grieving over his dead dad (Billy Sadoo's acting while being murdered by Fuchman is strikingly realistic), making his descent into extreme goofiness even more pronounced.  Elsewhere, Father John's odyssey takes him from a meltdown in the pulpit worthy of Richard Burton on laughing gas (in a scene which may have been inspired by the opening to NIGHT OF THE IGUANA) to a hostage situation in Heaven with the desperate priest holding God (Troma head honcho Lloyd Kaufman) at gunpoint. 

While all this is going on, Fuchman continues his reign of terror complete with a cornucopia of wet 'n' wild gore effects including entrails, exploding heads, and one shocking moment that gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "eat me."  None of this, however, is quite as disturbing as the image of a full-on naked Mackenzie Murdock displaying his eye-watering genitalia and humping everyone in sight. 

Just when you think our heroes have defeated the bad guy and made everything right with the world again, FATHER'S DAY pulls out all the stops and goes totally off the deep end with Ahab, Twink, and Father John descending into Hell to rescue Chelsea, who's been kidnapped by Fuchman to be the bearer of his evil seed or whatever. 

While this may sound pretty horrible, it's all basically just an excuse to ramp up the bizarre off-the-wall comedy to even greater heights (or should I say depths) of calculated idiocy.  Along with even more squishy gore effects, of course.  Oh yeah, and I almost forgot to mention the extreme incest sequence and the buxom, chainsaw-wielding stripper played by my future wife, Zsuzsi. 

As nastily nostalgic as the more expensive, star-studded PLANET TERROR and packed with more grindhouse-verite' style than HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN, the gleefully horrendous FATHER'S DAY will be a riotous romp for some, a nauseating nightmare for others.  You probably know which camp you're in by now. 


Our coverage of the film's premiere

Official website

FATHER'S DAY -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE SISSI COLLECTION -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/6/17

 

There are some movies that you can either pass over for lack of initial interest, or find a way to plug into.  I plugged into THE SISSI COLLECTION and was shocked--so to speak--to discover how much I quickly came to enjoy this sparkling Technicolor trilogy of Austrian films (plus two bonus films and various extras) now available in a deluxe Blu-ray set from Film Movement, newly restored in 2K.

Seventeen-year-old Romy Schneider is a delight as the sweet, utterly unpretentious Sissi (short for "Elizabeth"), a wild child who only reluctantly plays the royalty game when protocol, and her socially-conscious mother, demand.  Otherwise, this countrified Bavarian princess would rather be fishing, riding horses, or hunting (although she never shoots but only likes to look at the animals) with her father, whose similarly rough and "improper" ways she has thoroughly inherited. 

In SISSI (1955), the first of the three films, Sissi and her mother, Duchess Ludovika (Romy's real-life mother Magda), along with her older sister Nene, travel to Vienna to meet the young Emperor, Franz Joseph (Karlheinz Böhm, PEEPING TOM), whose marriage to Nene has been prearranged. (We know early on that Franz is both a nice guy and a decent ruler when he refuses to sign the execution order for eight political prisoners until he's satisfied they're deserving of such a fate.)

It's a love story that harkens back to Cinderella, with the wicked stepmother replaced here by a not-so-bad mom hung up on royal protocol and one older sister, also not wicked, who gets first crack at the handsome prince (or in this case, emperor). 

He, of course, first meets Sissi after she furtively escapes the palace for some fishing, and falls madly in love with the wild girl, thinking her a lovely commoner. Naturally, there's a festive ball that evening to announce his engagement to Nene, where he discovers Sissi's real identity and proposes to her instead.  Comfortingly familiar complications ensue in which our only concern, really, is how well-meaning sister Nene is going to take such a potentially devastating humiliation. 

But greater trouble looms on the horizon in the form of Franz Joseph's stern, unyielding mother, Archduchess Sophie (Vilma Degischer), who will stop at nothing to sabotage her son's marriage to a girl she deems utterly unworthy.  Meanwhile, the fiercely independent Sissi, to her husband's great delight, proves not only a wonderful wife but also a wise and compassionate leader who unites their subjects while charming even his most obstinate political opponents.

One might describe SISSI with the old Hollywood term "woman's picture"--which, let's face it, it is--but it's definitely something anyone in the mood for light, sumptuous, and visually dazzling entertainment can sit back and enjoy.  The vast, incredibly lavish indoor sets are dripping with whatever constitutes "royalty", while the outdoor scenery of Austria and other locations are some of God's most deliriously colorful handiwork.

The wedding of Sissi and Franz Joseph, and all the attendant ceremony, are almost brain-fryingly opulent.  I've never seen anything like it--just as one scenario appears as dazzling as it can get, it's topped by the next jaw-dropping spectacle.

The humor is of the mildly amusing and gently satirical variety, a welcome change of pace from overt slapstick and farce.  The initial mistaken-identity factor is well-played as Sissi charms Franz Josef with her sincere qualities before he discovers her regal origins.  The romantic and political entanglements are similarly handled with just the right amounts of light humor, heartfelt sentiment, suspense, and clever storytelling.

Ernst Marischka's surehanded direction (he wrote and directed all three films in the trilogy), along with impeccable production values, superb costumes, and a swirling symphonic musical score, blend to give the film an almost lighter-than-air quality, like an expertly prepared cinematic confection.  Watching it is like digging into an entire Bavarian cream pie with a big spoon right out of the plate.
 
SISSI has a relaxing, almost soothing quality because it just wants to amuse and delight us instead of dragging us through raucous farce or hand-wringing melodrama.  It has a pleasing mix of reality and fairytale magic that, to my surprise, I found guilelessly appealing and effortlessly watchable.

SISSI: THE YOUNG EMPRESS (1956) picks up right where the first one left off (the three films play like a mini-series and should be seen as such) with the young couple still madly in love while coping with crucial international affairs.  Chief among these are the strained relations between Austria and Hungary, the latter personified by angry young rebel Count Andrassy (Walther Reyer), whom Sissi will eventually charm with her love of his country and genuine concern for its people.

Meanwhile, Franz Joseph's mother, Archduchess Sophie, continues to refer to Sissi as "a little Bavarian princess who became Empress by chance." When the couple are blessed with a daughter, Sophie drives a wedge between them by insisting on raising the girl herself, apart from the mother, an arrangement that drives Sissi to leave her husband when he sides with his mother on the issue.

This second installment forces Sissi to contend with more sinister and oppressive conflicts than before, elevating the series as a whole to to an entirely different dramatic plane.

Still, it also has even more mindblowing pomp and circumstance for us to wallow in than the previous one--it's almost like royalty porn. One particularly opulent ball reminds us how much more fundamentally impressive reality is over CGI, as this series, without a single pixel of digital FX, often outdoes the most heavily computer-generated spectacles of today.  (At some points I felt as though the deluge of undiluted cinematic grandeur would cause me to faint dead away.)

The ballroom scene is also particularly noteworthy for featuring the most politically volatile situation thus far--one which, to the Archduchess' chagrin, is beautifully and most satisfyingly resolved by Sissi's quick thinking.

Here and in subsequent scenes, all the magnificent visuals are in service to an uplifting, engaging story in which the Sissi character is more endearing than ever.  She ends up an even more grandiose figure than before, not out of a lust for power but because her sweet and caring nature cause an entire country to fall in love with her.

An even more dazzling explosion of color and richly-appointed finery than its predecessor, SISSI: THE YOUNG EMPRESS is as charming and utterly captivating as its radiant young star, Romy Schneider.  It's a bit like taking that rich Bavarian cream pie, shoving it right in your face, and loving every gooey moment of it.

SISSI: THE FATEFUL YEARS OF THE EMPRESS (1957) has all the qualities of the first two films, but by this time the series reaches new maturity along with its main character.  Having conquered Count Andrassy and the people of Hungary, Sissi sets her winning ways to new purposes even as her vile mother-in-law, Archduchess Sophie, tries to poison her marriage to Franz by suggesting to him that she's being unfaithful.



To make matters worse, Sissi is stricken with an unknown disease which the royal physician warns may be incurable.  While she's bedridden, the grief-stricken Franz Joseph must contend with a growing rift between Austria and Italy that will be accentuated by the cold reception he and Sissi receive upon their eventual state visit there.

Despite all the dramatic complications, this third SISSI adventure is brimming with more beautiful nature photography and some charming rural vignettes as the royal couple vacation incognito at a small mountain lodge in the Alps. (This is followed by some location photography during Sissi's visit to Greece.)

Later, there's a breathtaking view of a cavernous opera house in Milan where the invited Italian aristocrats express their disapproval of the visiting royal couple by ordering their lowly servants to attend in their stead. This leads to some delightful comedy as Sissi and Franz Joseph receive the delighted commoners as royalty at a reception following the opera. 

But best of all is the ending sequence which contains some of the most strikingly splendid imagery of the series as the royal couple's regal procession passes majestically through the picturesque canals and streets of Venice, to the eerie silence of its disapproving citizens.  A final surprise and a heartwarming wrap-up bring both SISSI: THE FATEFUL YEARS OF THE EMPRESS and the trilogy as a whole to a stirring conclusion.



Disc four of the Blu-ray set features the film VICTORIA IN DOVER, aka "The Story of Vickie" (1954), which predates the "Sissi" series by a year while serving as a blueprint for it by featuring a headstrong teenage girl, chafing against the burdens of royalty, suddenly finding herself in a position of grave responsibility while also expected to enter into pre-arranged royal matrimony. 

Here, however, that solemn position is no less than Queen of England, and the callow young girl, Victoria (Romy again, of course, and just as captivating as ever) is beset on both sides by those who wish to use her to advance their own political goals.  In fact, the first half of the film is preoccupied with the turbulent political concerns that occur when Victoria unexpectedly becomes Queen and must shoulder burdens that a lesser person might find unbearable.

Finally, though, at about the halfway point, all of this changes abruptly and VICTORIA IN DOVER becomes just the kind of romantic fantasy that made the "Sissi" movies so irresistible.  It may be even more of a fairytale story, in fact, with Victoria stopping off at a humble roadside inn (in disguise as a commoner, of course) only to meet her intended husband, the German prince Albert (Adrian Hoven), who is also there posing as one of the little people. 

One thing leads to pretty much exactly what you think it will, although as usual this predictability is of the highly satisfying kind.  The romantic aspect is such that the film is positively Disneyesque at times--Victoria reminds me of Snow White, while the prince is definitely charming.  I almost expected them to start singing to each other during the "Romeo" scene on the balcony of Vickie's rustic hotel room. 

VICTORIA IN DOVER has everything we love about the "Sissi" series but with a different recipe.  It's still quite a sumptuous dish. 

BONUS FEATURES:

Disc five in THE SISSI COLLECTION contains two featurettes.  One is "Sissi's Great-Grandson at the Movies", an excerpt from the documentary "Elisabeth: Enigma of an Empress" which features the title descendant of the real-life Sissi comparing the historical figure to her cinematic counterpart. 

The other is "From Romy to Sissi", a lengthy black-and-white making-of documentary that's narrated in winsome fashion by Romy Schneider herself (who would die tragically at age 43) and is loaded with rare behind-the-scenes footage.

The disc also contains a fascinating novelty: the condensation of the "Sissi" trilogy into one film entitled FOREVER MY LOVE, which was then dubbed into English, given a theme song by Burt Bacharach, and released to American audiences by Paramount Pictures in 1962.  While somewhat rushed and disjointed (and unrestored), with less than ideal dubbing, this feature-length "greatest hits" package of the original trilogy is a novelty that I found keenly interesting.

Finally, the Blu-ray case contains a lavishly-illustated 20-page booklet with credits and a synopsis for each film, plus an essay by renowned film writer Farrah Smith Nehme.

In my opinion, THE SISSI COLLECTION is Blu-ray at its most dazzling and visually splendid.  A spectacular feast for the eyes, these highly enjoyable films deftly avoid melodrama, are never heavy-handed or maudlin, and never descend into soap opera.  As romantic comedy-drama, historical fiction, and pure cinematic pageantry, they're absolutely top-notch.

Type:  Blu-ray
Running Time: 600 mins. + extras
Rating:  NR
Genre:  Drama
Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1 Widescreen/4:3
Audio:  (BD) DTS-HD Master Audio/5.1 Dolby Digital / (Bonus DVD) 5.1 Dolby Digital/2.0 Stereo
Language: German with English Subtitles

THE SISSI COLLECTION -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

A BUCKET OF BLOOD -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 (Originally posted on 10/1/2019)

 

Fans of early Roger Corman films, especially those featuring the great Dick Miller, should welcome the arrival of Olive Signature Films' new Blu-ray release of Corman's seriocomic horror classic A BUCKET OF BLOOD (1959). 

Corman regular Dick Miller plays Walter Paisley, an insecure milquetoast who buses tables in a beatnik coffee bar but dreams of being a creative artist like pretentious poet Maxwell (Julian Burton) in order to impress his heartthrob Carla (THE WASP WOMAN's Barboura Morris).

Another Corman fave, the great Antony Carbone of THE LAST WOMAN ON EARTH, CREATURE FROM THE HAUNTED SEA, and PIT AND THE PENDULUM, is Walter's overbearing boss Leonard.

 

When Walter accidentally kills his landlady's cat, he covers the evidence with modeling clay and then shows off the result as his own artistic creation, garnering instant fame as a brilliant new talent.

But a hunger for greater recognition leads to murder when he whacks a gun-waving narc (future game-show host Bert Convy) over the head, killing him, and then turns him into a highly-praised clay sculpture as well. 

With more money and fame rolling in, Walter's trail of victims grows longer, eventually leading to Carla herself.

Olive's new Blu-ray release features a fine print mastered from a new 4K scan, with pristine picture and sound quality. The bonus menu is loaded with goodies which include:

    “Creation Is. All Else is Not” – Roger Corman on A Bucket of Blood
    “Call Me Paisley” – Dick and Lainie Miller on A Bucket of Blood
    Audio commentary by Elijah Drenner, director of "That Guy Dick Miller"
    Archival audio interview with screenwriter Charles B. Griffith
    “Bits of Bucket” – Visual essay comparing the original script to the finished film
    Essay by Caelum Vatnsdal, author of "You Don't Know Me, But You Love Me: The Lives of Dick Miller"
    Rare prologue from German release
    Super 8 “digest” version
    Theatrical trailer
    German theatrical trailer
    Gallery of newly-discovered on-set photography

 
If you liked 1960's THE LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS you should really be interested in this amusingly morbid tale which amounts to pretty much a dry run for the later film.  Besides also being helmed by Corman,  both were penned by Charles B. Griffith (DEATH RACE 2000), whose sense of humor seemed to play into the then-current appetite for beatnik culture and "sick" humor (the film's tagline is "You'll be sick, sick, sick--from laughing!")

Both feature typical be-bop musical scores by Fred Katz and similar production values (moody black-and-white photography, modest stage-like sets, a "skid row" ambience).   Carbone's bullying boss Leonard, just like flower shop owner Gravis Mushnik, first sees dollar signs from his employee's creative efforts but grows increasingly squeamish when he discovers the truth behind them.

Walter could be a first cousin of Jonathan Haze's Seymour Krelboyne,  another mousey shlub stuck in a dead-end job with an oppressive boss, who yearns to break out of his rut by doing something creative which will lead to murder.  We almost expect him to have a clinging, overbearing mother when he shleps back to his cheap apartment, and indeed his nosey landlady is played by Myrtle Damerel, who was Seymour's hypochondriac mom in LITTLE SHOP.

Barboura Morris, however, grounds the film by playing her role straight, and Griffith's script for BUCKET isn't nearly as whimsically farcical as the later story.  Carbone maintains a delicious deadpan even when Leonard's dazed reactions to Walter's bloodthirsty activities threaten to incapacitate him.

Other familiar faces include Ed Nelson as Bert Convy's undercover vice-cop partner,  Lynn Storey of LITTLE SHOP (she played "Mrs. Hortense Fishtwanger") as a curious square, and, as an art patron interested in Walter's work, the ubiquitous Bruno Ve Soto.

In the lead role that would define his career as a cult actor, Dick Miller wrings every nuance of nebbishness out of his pitifully desperate character and manages to remain likable even as his murderous tendencies spin out of control.  Corman's camera explores Miller's manic expressions with his own artistic eye and the collaboration results in a truly memorable performance.

A BUCKET OF BLOOD itself stands as a minor classic and a model of efficient, creative low-budget filmmaking as well as simply being a real kick to watch.


Buy it from Olive Films

YEAR: 1959
GENRE: COMEDY, HORROR
LANGUAGE: ENGLISH (with optional English subtitles)
LABEL: OLIVE FILMS
TOTAL RUNNING TIME: 66 mins
RATING: N/R
VIDEO: 1.85:1 Aspect Ratio; B&W
AUDIO: MONO
(This review contains excerpts from a previous review.)

A BUCKET OF BLOOD -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle