VIOLENT COP -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/2/16

 

When I ‏first heard of VIOLENT COP (1989), Japanese actor and comedian "Beat" Takeshi Kitano's debut as a film director, I expected something along the lines of Abel Ferrara's BAD LIEUTENANT with Harvey Keitel.  However, Takeshi's character, police detective Azuma, isn't "bad" as in "unscrupulous" or "corrupt."  He's actually an honest, conscientious cop.  He's just tired of endlessly going through channels and doing things the proper way when a little well-placed violence can get straight to the heart of things.

Takeshi was already a well-known TV star in Japan for such shows as "Takeshi's Castle" (1986-1990), which became a comedy hit in the U.S. when redubbed as "MXC" or "Most Extreme Elimination Challenge" for Spike TV (most of us remember the catchphrase "Right you are, Ken!"), and had acted films for nine years. 

With his familiar deadpan expression which seems to reveal more the longer the camera lingers upon it, Takeshi's violence-prone cop has elements of both his Sgt. Hara of MERRY CHRISTMAS, MR. LAWRENCE (1983), dispassionately dishing out punishment as a matter of course, and his fed-up school teacher in the much-later BATTLE ROYALE (2000), whose disillusionment with the rules and due process of the system has turned him into an emotionally-warped creature of base impulse. (Still, Azuma is hardly the sadistic brute of 2010's underworld thriller OUTRAGE.)

Azuma is humanized by the fact that he tenderly cares for his simpleminded sister at home, but even here he kicks an amorous suitor down the apartment steps and sends him away aching and shaking.  His later pairing with a nervous rookie named Kikuchi (Makoto Ashikawa) and their borderline-hilarious (but still thrilling) auto pursuit of a suspect on foot provides the film with its one slender vein of sardonic humor. (Partially because Azuma, who walks everywhere--apparently because he can barely drive--insists on taking over the wheel from the rookie and then is unable to turn off the windshield wipers.)

I had to laugh again later when Azuma's harried boss asked him if it was necessary to run over the guy twice in order to arrest him.  He also seems to keep an ample supply of "apology" forms for Azuma to fill out after his more egregious acts in the interests of law enforcement.

For the most part, however, VIOLENT COP is a lean, mean cop thriller whose story kicks into gear when Azuma, conflicted by the discovery that an old friend on the force may be involved in drug trafficking, goes on the familiar one-man crusade against the underworld kingpin behind it all.

This shadowy businessman is supposedly untouchable behind his throne-like desk, with a ruthless, sadistic bodyguard-slash-assassin who loves to kill people (Shirô Sano racks up a decent body count as "Yoshinari").  The driving force of the film is Azuma's bloody war against them in which his disregard for his own personal well-being leads to several acts of sheer reckless abandon.  Interrogations involve guns, knives, fists, and dangerous ploys; confrontations are bloody, savage, and intensely personal. 

As in DIRTY HARRY or DEATH WISH, we know these bad guys are bad, so we want to see them get what they deserve even if its just a good, sound beatdown.  Although here, Azuma is more akin to the dogged veteran cop in THE FRENCH CONNECTION or the renegade rule-basher of TO LIVE AND DIE IN L.A. Both of those, incidentally, are William Friedkin films, with the latter being a favorite of Takeshi and seemingly an inspiration not only to his Azuma character but also to VIOLENT COP's fatalistic ending and overall pessimistic aura. 

As a first-time director, Takeshi--who says he's now embarrassed to watch this "learning process" of a film--displays a combination of lean, straightforward storytelling with a keen and sometimes slightly askew sense of style.  City settings both sprawling and squalid are used to good advantage. A cool, languidly jazzy score by Daisaku Kume works its magic throughout. 

The Blu-ray from Film Movement Classics is in 1.85:1 widescreen and stereo with a Japanese soundtrack and English subtitles.  The bonus featurette "That Man is Dangerous: The Birth of Takeshi Kitano" is a compelling look at the man as an entertainer and filmmaker. Also included are trailers for this and several other Film Movement releases, and an attractive illustrated booklet containing an essay by author and Asian film expert Tom Vick.

The ending is tense, visceral, and bleak, with the potent aura of a brashly impudent Friedkin hovering over it, so don't expect this bloody misadventure to leave you with that "feelgood" smile.  I did smile, though, because I'd just seen a movie called VIOLENT COP that had lived up to its intriguing and somewhat exploitation-tinged title quite nicely.  

VIOLENT COP -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

BOILING POINT -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/6/16

 

Japanese actor and comedian Takeshi Kitano (popularly known as "Beat" Takeshi) had already appeared in such films as MERRY CHRISTMAS, MR. LAWRENCE and had his own TV show, "Takeshi's Castle", which was later redubbed for American television as "MXC" or "Most Extreme Elimination Challenge" when, in 1989, he made his directing debut with the bloody action thriller VIOLENT COP, playing the lead role as well. 

Not happy with his lack of creative control on the project, he considered his next film, BOILING POINT (1990), to be sort of a second directorial debut.  And despite sharing the same tendency towards sudden, graphic violence, they're very different movies.

BOILING POINT begins, strangely enough, as a pleasantly amusing, very bucolic slice-of-life tale about a city-league baseball team in Japan that hasn't scored a single point in several games.  The setting is a less-populated and rather seedy corner of the city where regular guys play on a dusty little diamond and their manager, Mr. Iguchi, is an ex-Yakuza who seems like a regular guy himself aside from a short temper and a tendency toward sudden bursts of violence when crossed.

A timid sad-sack named Masaki (Masahiko Ono), who wears the uniform but seems detached from everything, slowly learns to assert himself in baby steps.  After being advised to practice his swing a hundred times a day, he finally hits a home run while pinch-hitting but is called out when he sprints past the other base runner.  He's trying, both on the ball field and in life, but not always with a great deal of finesse.

When Masaki runs afoul of the local Yakuza, Mr. Iguchi tries to intervene but finds that he has fallen out of favor with his former gang and is beaten severely.  Masaki and his friend Akira (Makoto Ashikawa, the comical rookie in VIOLENT COP) travel to Okinawa to buy a gun so that Mr. Iguchi can avenge himself.  While there, they meet a psychopathic gangster named Uehara (Takeshi), also looking for revenge against the Yakuza, who takes a liking to them. 

This is where the clash between slice-of-life story and bloody gangster flick becomes most interesting.  While not exactly "artsy" compared to VIOLENT COP, we do find Kitano indulging himself a lot more in languid, thoughtful character vignettes (Masaki's shy interactions with his new girlfriend Sayaka are charming) that are enjoyable for their own sake while slowly nudging the story along.

At the same time, the film lingers over scenes of the group, which now includes Uehara's toady and a couple of girls they're picked up in a bar, engaging in some pretty unsavory activities with Masaki and Akira reluctantly swept along.

Takeshi's boorish gangster takes center stage as a sort of Id monster roiling in his own worst impulses toward physical violence and casual sadism.  He loves to break bottles over people's heads and abuse his hapless girlfriend as well as sexually assaulting members of either sex.

One of the film's most stunning action scenes involves him, a roomful of Yakuza, and a machine gun hidden in a bouquet of long-stemmed wildflowers. Takeshi loves to stage such scenes of violence and retribution and there are numerous examples of this, to varying degrees, throughout the story.

This culminates in a fiery resolution to Mr. Iguchi's Yakuza problem that's cathartic not only for us but also for Masaki, who has finally learned how to hit the occasional home run in life as well as in baseball.

The Blu-ray from Film Movement Classics is in 1.85:1 widescreen and stereo with a Japanese soundtrack and English subtitles.  In addition to trailers for this and other Film Movement Classics releases, there's a bonus featurette entitled "Okinawa Days: Takeshi's Second Debut" which features members of the original cast remininiscing about making the movie. An attractive illustrated booklet containing an essay by author and Asian film expert Tom Vick is included with the disc.

BOILING POINT is unique in that it's neither a straight-up coming-of-age story nor a total gangland violence fest, yet the two elements are so deftly intertwined in Takeshi's screenplay and in his skillful handling of it as director that the film manages to satisfy on both counts.

BOILING POINT -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

HANA-BI, aka "Fireworks" -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 9/13/17

 

Japanese film legend "Beat" Takeshi Kitano (BATTLE ROYALE, "MXC") has a taciturn, sometimes sullen and morose, sometimes painfully sad and hang-dog sort of screen character who can switch from dull joviality to abrupt, shocking violence faster than a cat with distemper. 

In his seventh film as director, HANA-BI, aka "Fireworks" (1997), Takeshi plays Nishi, a haggard cop nearing the end of his career just as his beloved wife (Kayoko Kishimoto), stricken with cancer, is nearing the end of her life. 

Nishi is into the Yakuza for a lot of money, facing constant death threats from their enforcers.  And to make matters worse, an old friend on the force, Horibe (Ren Ôsugi, SHIN GODZILLA), gets crippled for life by a gunman's bullets while taking Nishi's place on a stakeout. 

As in his previous films (VIOLENT COP, BOILING POINT, OUTRAGE), Takeshi's character is quick to violence, and as a director he depicts it with the shocking brutality of a Coppola or Scorcese gangster thriller.

Here, however, Nishi takes such action only when pushed or in any way provoked.  Although, as we'll see, at this stage he's far beyond the point of taking any crap from anybody including Yakuza hitmen or random street punks. 

Otherwise, Nishi's constant sorrow leaves him in a state of dull resignation that's mostly silent (he barely says ten lines in the entire movie) as we study his subtle expressions with an empathetic perception.  As usual, much is going on below the surface of Takeshi's performance, both as actor and director.

The film is beautifully shot, with images ranging from gritty urban milieu (the harsh cop scenes) to picturesque rural Japan.  Takeshi is unflinching when  Nishi and his fellow cops take down Horibe's shooter in a clumsy ballet of blood, or when a massacre within the claustrophobic confines of a car yields artistically wrought death tableaux spilling out against a backdrop of virgin snow.

This is contrasted with the sequence in which Nishi, who is unable to express his feeling verbally, takes his dying wife on an extended excursion to Mt. Fuji and other scenic locales.  (After robbing a bank, that is, but we won't go into that now.) 

Takeshi indulges his sentimental side here, yet Nishi's outer stoicism prevents things from lapsing into bathos.  There's a serenity to his stiff, oddly inexpressive manner, and his wife's understanding and acceptance of it, that makes the sequence sadly endearing in a way that raw emotion couldn't.

As this subplot plays out, Takeshi tells other intertwining stories including the plight of Horibe--abandoned by his wife and daughter, confined to a wheelchair, and constantly entertaining thoughts of suicide--as he tries to assuage his grief with a newfound interest in painting (Takeshi contributes his own artworks here).  But everything he does only seems to accentuate his despair.

The Blu-ray from Film Movement Classics is in 1.85:1 widescreen with Japanese stereo sound and English subtitles.  Extras include a commentary by David Fear, a making-of featurette, trailers from other Takeshi films, and an attractive illustrated booklet containing an essay by filmmaker/historian Jasper Sharp.

Fans of composer Joe Hisaishi (SPIRITED AWAY, PRINCESS MONONOKE, KIKI'S DELIVERY SERVICE) will relish his lush score for this emotionally and visually compelling story that wavers, like real life, amidst various extremes while exploring the subtleties in between. 

HANA-BI, aka "Fireworks" -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

MY TOP 20 FAVORITE CARTOON MOVIES! by Porfle

This is just for good old-fashioned actual cel-animated cartoon movies that contain little or no CGI.

MY TOP 20 FAVORITE CARTOON MOVIES! by Porfle

DURARARA!! PART 1 -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 1/9/11

 

Based on the manga, which was based on a series of Japanese light novels  by Ryohgo Narita, the TV series DURARARA!! (2010) starts out slow but definitely gets better as it goes along.  By the end of the second episode, when things start to come together, I was pretty much hooked. 

The main character is a naive country teen named Mikado Ryugamine who moves to Ikebukuro, Tokyo to attend school and seek adventure.  There, he hooks up with his childhood friend Masaomi Kida, who is worldly and self-confident.  Masaomi introduces Mikado to his circle of friends and clues him in on how to get by in the big city, including who to avoid and how to stay out of dangerous situations.  This, of course, ain't gonna happen.

Rather than charging out of the gate right away, DURARARA!! takes its time introducing the many characters and their backgrounds, and laying the foundation for what promises to be a slowly unfolding network of interconnecting stories.  During most of the first episode, you might think you're watching a flashy little youth drama about inner-city kids and their quirky misadventures.  It even seems a little pedestrian at first.


Before long, however, various conflicts begin to come into play.  These involve volatile gangs such as the Yellow Scarfs and the Dollars, musclebound behemoths like a black Russian sushi chef named Simon Breshnev and the mysterious blonde brawler Shizuo (who has a penchant for hurling vending machines at people), and Izaya Orihara, a droll opportunist-manipulator who enjoys toying with the lives of others and may be responsible for a rash of suicides. 

Best of the supporting characters is Celty Sturluson, a black-garbed motorcycle rider who works as an underworld courier while cruising the city in search of her head.  This enigmatic urban legend, whose neck ends in a swirl of black smoke, is a supernatural superheroine who intercedes in the lives of the other characters at crucial moments.  Episode four details her origins and how she came to be hooked up with the young renegade doctor Shinra Kishitani, who shares her secrets and yearns for a more intimate relationship.  For me, this is the most interesting segment of the first five.


Meanwhile, Mikado and Masaomi become enamored of a beautiful bespectacled  schoolgirl named Anri, forming a love triangle which promises to become more complicated in later episodes.  This is only one of the many subplots begging to be explored, but DURARARA!! is in no hurry to do so.  The spotlight shifts seamlessly from one character to the next with equal emphasis and one can only guess how all of the various plot threads will eventually weave themselves together.


The series is beautifully drawn and colored--characters are expressive and attractively designed, and backgrounds abound with exquisitely-rendered urban landscapes that sparkle in the daylight and glow with neon at night.  The stately, contemplative pace of the stories gives us time to appreciate the show's rich visuals along with the stylish and cinematic direction.  The musical score is bright and evocative, with a cool opening song and an even better end titles tune.

The 2-disc DVD from Aniplex is in 16x9 anamorphic widescreen with Japanese and English Dolby Digital 2.0 sound and English subtitles.  This set contains episodes 1-9 of 24 (total runtime approx. 225 minutes) which will be continued in two subsequent volumes.  Five collectible postcards are included.  I received a screener with the first five episodes only and thus am unable to comment on the set as a whole.

With just five episodes to judge by, I can only guess how good this series will eventually turn out to be.  But based on what I've seen so far, DURARARA!! promises to deliver some top-notch anime entertainment. I look forward to watching the rest of this provocative saga. 

DURARARA!! PART 1 -- DVD Review by Porfle

K-ON! VOL. 1 -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/20/11

 

Four bubbly high school girls join the Light Music Club and provide light entertainment in K-ON! VOL. 1 (2009), Bandai Entertainment's first DVD volume of the Japanese anime series based on a popular manga. 

Yui, a clumsy, scatterbrained girl who's easily distracted, freaks out on her first day of high school because she can't decide what club to join.  Meanwhile, Mio and Ritsu are crushed to find the Light Music Club is disbanding since it lacks the minimum four members.  They persuade pretty blonde rich girl Tsumugi, a talented keyboardist, to join, but are still one member short.  Desperate, they cajole a reluctant Yui to complete the foursome as lead guitarist of their band even though she can't play a note, and afterwards spend most of their time in the music room gorging themselves on gooey pastries and cakes. 

That pretty much describes the first episode, "Disband the Club!"  K-ON! (from the Japanese word keiongaku, meaning "light music") is a frenetic series of mildly comic situations done in a colorful, breezy style that doesn't place all that much emphasis on plotlines.  Basically, it's a "hang-out" show--once you get to know these characters and their particular quirks, it's fun just to hang out with them, enjoy their girlish antics, and groove to the eye-pleasing artwork and animation.



The four lead characters are your standard cute young anime schoolgirls.  Bass-player Mio is, in Yui's words, "tall and pretty, and gives off a real 'cool, grown woman vibe'."  Before long, however, we discover that she's a bundle of debilitating phobias and neuroses and often goes blank from fear of things like strange people and barnacles.  Her friend Ritsu, the band's drummer, is "a cheerful girl who's full of energy" but is also a hyperactive ditz.  Much of the show's slapstick humor comes from anger-prone Mio whacking Ritsu over the head and raising cartoony egg-shaped knots.  Mild-mannered Tsumugi, the pampered princess, is funny because of her inexperience and is thrilled when asked if she "wants fries with that" during her first trip to a fastfood restaurant.

The simple plots take a single idea and follow it to the end with all the light-comedy embellishments, screwball physical humor, and sight gags, with frequent use of fantasy interludes and flashbacks.  The second episode, "Instruments!", is all about finding an affordable guitar for Yui, with the girls taking temp jobs to help pay for it.  At first, the motivational message here is about being selfless and helping others, but eventually it becomes "you can afford that expensive guitar if your rich friend's dad owns the store." 

"Cram Session!" finds Yui barred from membership in a club after failing mid-term exams.  The girls urge her to study for her makeup test, but she just can't keep her mind on her books and off her cool new guitar.  Dropping by to help out, the girls have their usual sugary snacks and meet Yui's little sister Ui, amazed to find her vastly more polite and mature than Yui. 

The episode gets off to a weird start as Yui becomes hypnotically fascinated by how squishy Mio's string-hardened fingertips are.  Meanwhile, the easily-annoyed Mio manages to raise at least two ostrich egg-sized knots on Ritsu's head this time out.  Typical of the series, the relatively realistic design of the characters becomes exaggeratedly cartoonish whenever they experience extreme emotions, resulting in some pretty funny-looking reactions. 

The most visually-pleasing episode, "Training Camp!", boasts some gorgeous artwork as Mio organizes a trip to the country so the band can practice for the upcoming Fall Festival.  They end up at one of Tsumugi's luxurious family vacation homes on the beach where Yui and Ritsu spend most of their time romping around in the surf while Mio tries in vain to get them to concentrate on their music.
 


Mio's first appearance in a bikini leads to a strangely comical moment with the two girls being stunned to discover that she has--BOOBS!  Later, a nighttime fireworks display adds even more visual interest to the episode while inspiring fantasies of the girls' most cherished ambition--to perform at Budokan before high school is over.

Mio is at her most freaked-out and violent in this episode, repeatedly whacking Mitsu over the head and going nuts after accidentally touching some barnacles.  In the last shot, she hoists Yui off her feet by the neck and strangles her for taking an uncomplimentary photo of her during their vacation.  The lesson here, I assume, is that even the pretty and seemingly self-assured girls in your school can be dangerously unbalanced.

The four-episode DVD (approx. 100 minutes) from Bandai Entertainment is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with both Japanese and English Dolby 2.0 sound.  Subtitles are in English.  Extras include a ten-minute interview with Stephanie Sheh, the voice of Yui in the English dub, and trailers from other Bandai releases.  Three more volumes of the series are planned.

Yui and her friends don't get very far musically in this collection, but the opening and closing titles feature two catchy tunes, "Cagayake! Girls" and "Don't Say 'Lazy'", which indicate that by the series' end the band will finally be ready for Budokan.  Till then, K-ON! VOL. 1 catches them doing what they currently do best--eating snacks, being kooky, and having fun. 

K-ON! VOL. 1 -- DVD Review by Porfle

DANTE'S INFERNO: AN ANIMATED EPIC -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 2/8/10

 

 

Four separate anime studios were brought together to collaborate on DANTE'S INFERNO: AN ANIMATED EPIC (2010), and the result is a non-stop visual feast that takes us through all nine levels of Hell without spending quite enough time on the emotional level.

When young warrior knight Dante goes off to fight in the Holy Wars, Lucifer makes a bet with his beloved Beatrice that Dante will betray her. Figuring it's a sure thing, Beatrice takes him up on it and the next thing you know, she's in Hell. Dante returns from the war to find his loved ones dead by an unknown hand, and sees Beatrice's soul rise from her bloody body only to be dragged down into the pit.

Dante enters in pursuit and finds that he must fight his way through the nine circles of Hell--limbo, lust, gluttony, greed, anger, heresy, violence, fraud and treachery--in order to rescue Beatrice's soul from eternal damnation. With guidance from the ghost of Roman poet Virgil, Dante slices and dices his way through hordes of infernal minions, only to find that Lucifer plans to wed Beatrice and make her Queen of Hell.

As this is based on a videogame from Visceral Games, both of which are to be released at the same time, Dante's journey through the nine circles of Hell mirrors the progression from one level of gameplay to the next. Upon his arrival, animated by Film Roman studio, he and Virgil sport big, impossibly muscular superhero bodies and little heads, and Dante tends to fly around doing aerial flips just to emphasize certain lines of dialogue. When Charon, the demon boatman who transports newly-arrived souls to their destinations, orders Dante to begone, he hops about thirty feet in the air and does a somersault before telling him no. Charon, incidentally, gets to deliver the famous line "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here" before doing battle with Dante.

This film is interesting to look at from start to finish although the frequent changes in character design and direction can be a little disconcerting. My favorite segments are the ones by the Manglobe studio, who give the characters a classical dramatic style and a beautifully baroque look. Manglobe handles the "Limbo" section--that ring of Hell which is home to virtuous pagans and unbaptized babies, souls which did not sin but lacked the required faith--which often looks like illustrations from some classic volume brought to life.

Here we're treated to the haunting sight of a hall of damned rulers and philosophers such as Caesar, Plato and Aristotle, their ghostly shells still endlessly engaged in pointless theological debates and the like.On this level Dante battles Minos, who judges souls and "sorts them out" to the various circles for their appropriate punishments. He also must flee from a bizarre, scuttling army of demon-babies with scythelike arms.

The most comic book-looking artwork and animation, which resembles stuff you might see in Marvel Comics or Heavy Metal, is done by Dong Woo studio and it's very dynamic. If I'm not mistaken, Dong Woo handled the "Lust", "Greed", and "Gluttony" segments, which take Dante through some of his most fierce and emotionally taxing confrontations. One of these involves his own father, Alighiero (Mark Hamill), whom Lucifer has promised a thousand torture-free years and endless gold if he will kill his son.

Flashbacks show Alighiero as a greedy, violent abuser who will eventually drive Dante's mother, Bella (Victoria Tennant), to suicide. Later, while traveling through the circle known as "Violence" (via JM Animation's lush, classic anime-style artwork), Dante discovers her in the Wood of Suicide, where, to his horror, her soul has been banished for doing violence to herself. "You must look into your deepest sin to save Beatrice," she tells him.

Also on this level he encounters the damned souls of fellow Crusaders including Beatrice's brother, Francesco, who lashes out at Dante in classic anime-style battle. Francesco blames Dante for his own damnation, and in some ultra-downbeat flashbacks we find out that Dante committed quite a few rather deadly sins during the Holy Wars--any of which would earn him a place in one of the circles of Hell through which he's just passed. In fact, the more we find out about his past, the more we're convinced Dante is destined to remain there for eternity unless he can redeem himself while he still lives.

The "Fraud" level is where the brimstone really hits the fan. Beatrice, who has maintained a staunch faith in Dante through her many tortures, discovers at last how utterly he betrayed her trust while in the Holy Land and gives herself over to Lucifer as his bride. With JM Animation at the helm, Beatrice's transformation into the fearsome Queen of Hell (with an awesome rack) is pretty cool. This finally leads to the "Treachery" level (by Production I.G. studio), an icy wasteland which is "the furthest place in all of creation from the divine light of God." In the final showdown, Dante must face Lucifer on his own and discover the shocking truth behind his whole ordeal.

Through it all, DANTE'S INFERNO is an endless display of incredibly rich and dense artwork and imaginative animation. The subject matter gives the animators license to indulge in the most outlandish visuals they can muster (the "Lust" level, for example), with lots and lots of over-the-top action. So much so, in fact, that it tends to get a little tiresome after the umpteenth bloody-bladed battle with some raging behemoth or angry spirit.

The "acting", as it were, is a little hokey at times, especially in the introductory passage with its melodramatic line readings and character expressions. And for all of the drama and passion it strains to evoke, the story just isn't very emotionally involving. Mostly it's a lot of sound and fury, strident declarations and curses, blood and thunder, sex and ultra-violence--neat stuff, to be sure--without much going on underneath. But it's fun to look at.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen and 5.1 surround, with English and Spanish subtitles. Extras include some animatics and a game trailer.

While not a total success, DANTE'S INFERNO: AN ANIMATED EPIC is still a pretty dazzling achievement that really does manage an epic quality. If you're a fan of animation in general and anime in particular, it's definitely worth checking out. But not quite worth going to Hell for.

DANTE'S INFERNO: AN ANIMATED EPIC -- DVD Review by Porfle

TOM & JERRY: SPY QUEST -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/19/15

 

When the evil Dr. Zim's henchcats kidnap Dr. Benton Quest and his pilot/bodyguard "Race" Bannon, along with Quest's powerful energy-generating invention, the "Q Sphere", it's up to Quest's son Jonny, his Indian friend Hadji, their dog Bandit, and new friends Tom & Jerry to find their way to Dr. Zim's volcano hideout and save the day.

That's right, Tom & Jerry, the cartoon cat-and-mouse team who've been chasing each other around our movie and TV screens since King Kong was underage.  It seems  they've been getting paired up with a series of unlikely co-stars in TV movies these days, from Sherlock Holmes to the Wizard of Oz, and in the original feature-length cartoon TOM & JERRY: SPY QUEST (2015) they inadvertently fall in with one of the most action-prone animated clans to ever grace Saturday mornings. 

"Jonny Quest" started out in primetime back in 1964 with surprisingly violent and adult-tinged adventures that we kids went crazy over.  The show seems to have been influenced by James Bond's 1962 movie debut DR. NO--the Quests' main adversary is Asian baddie Dr. Zim, who is often found hanging out in an empty volcano and doing things like toppling rockets.  In the episode "The Fraudulent Volcano" (included on this disc), a sleeping Dr. Quest is even threatened by a deadly tarantula as is Bond in his first film. 

TOM & JERRY: SPY QUEST continues this Bond vibe but with additional elements from such films as RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, CASABLANCA, and even Rob Zombie's own full-length cartoon THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO. The latter two are particularly evident in sexy leading lady Jade's big song-and-dance number which she performs in her nightclub, Jade's Cafe' Americain.  (Jade, it turns out, is one of Race Bannon's old girlfriends, and their breakup wasn't on good terms.)  This elaborate sequence, with MGM star Droopy putting in a droll cameo appearance, is one of the film's highlights.

The RAIDERS influence is the most obvious--the action sequences are fast and furious, packed with plane crashes, chases, hand-to-paw combat, et cetera.  Everything zips along as though the filmmakers are deathly afraid we'll doze off if things slow down for five seconds.

Of course, the juxtaposition of all this with comedy stars Tom & Jerry is sometimes just as awkward as it sounds, but there are stretches in which either the Quest bunch do their thing or Tom and Jerry go about their business as though they were back in one of their regular cartoon shorts. 

Actually, the combo isn't really all that bad once you get used to it--it's kind of like one of those Colgate Comedy Hour sketches in which Martin and Lewis are their usual wacky selves while guest stars such as Humphrey Bogart or Burt Lancaster spoof their own serious personas. 

The pre-titles segment of the movie is a separate Tom & Jerry short unto itself, with the adversarial duo getting in each other's way while hanging out at the beach.  It isn't until Jonny and Hadji show up, followed by a trio of Zim's attack cats (Tin, Pan, and Alley--get it?) in power suits, that the odd clash of sensibilities begins.  The titles themselves harken back to the original Jonny Quest show's classic opening sequence and thrilling musical theme. 

Strangely, we get the same unequal relationship between housecat Tom and the talking, uniformed bad-guy cats that exists between Disney's canine characters Goofy and Pluto.  (One of Dr. Zim's feline henchcats is even based on Dustin Hoffman's "Rain Man.") 

Dr. Zim and his gang are played for laughs more here than ever before, although the final phase of his scheme turns into a thrilling suicide attack on Washington D.C. in which his entire volcano hideout takes off and is set to crash into the White House with all of our heroes aboard.  (Dr. Quest's solution to this, involving the Washington Monument, is a bit of a stunner.)

Once again, Tom gets the brunt of the most sadistic gags--and for no apparent reason, since he's mostly just minding his own business while Jerry's being his usual insufferable, hateful little self.  One running gag has the starving Tom being constantly denied food while Jerry, of course, gets to gorge himself.  (A scene in which Jerry snatches a juicy steak right out of Tom's mouth just before he bites down on it--and then SLAPS him with it--is especially galling.) 

This is partially made up for by having Dr. Zim mistake Tom for a fearless, super-efficient action hero thanks to the hapless cat accidentally defeating Zim's henchmen during their various attacks while wearing one of their power suits.  Still, this movie only serves to increase my utter hatred for Jerry the mouse while causing me to cringe every time Tom is unfairly made the brunt of the usual sadistic and humiliating gags. 

The character design and backgrounds are eye-pleasing, with Tom and Jerry looking much like they did back in the 40s and 50s and the Quest crew rendered better than in previous reboots of the original series.  The story zips along with nary a slow spot to catch our breath, culminating in an effectively suspenseful climactic sequence that's very nicely done. 

Voice talent includes original Jonny Quest voice actor Tim Matheson (ANIMAL HOUSE, A VERY BRADY SEQUEL) as the President, James Hong (BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA) as Dr. Zim, and Tia Carrere (WAYNE'S WORLD) as femme fatale Jade. 

The DVD from Warner Bros. Home Entertainment is in matted widescreen format, with Dolby 5.1 sound and subtitles available in several languages including English, Spanish, and French.   Extras include four recent "Tom & Jerry" cartoon shorts ("Birthday Bashed", Feline Fatale", "For the Love of Ruggles", and "Sleuth or Consequences"), an episode of "The New Jonny Quest" ("Deadly Junket"), and, best of all, an episode from the classic original series entitled "The Fraudulent Volcano" which beats "You Only Live Twice" and its secret volcano bad-guy lair by several years. 

TOM & JERRY: SPY QUEST isn't nearly the mutant mess I was expecting, although funny animal comedy and hard-bitten action and intrigue being shoehorned into the same frantic film does lead to a somewhat uneasy alliance.  Still, I got a kick out of the novelty of it all and enjoyed seeing these characters given such a lavish vehicle that's worthy of their stature. 

Buy it at WBShop.com
Street date: June 23, 2015

TOM & JERRY: SPY QUEST -- DVD Review by Porfle

ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 3/21/22

 

Finally, a comedy show that was ALL comedy.  No out of character chit-chat, no maudlin songs, no fake sincerity--just wall-to-wall silliness that kept going right through the closing credits and beyond.  Joke followed gag followed blackout followed non sequitur, with absolutely no qualms about coming off as supremely silly.  As a kid, I felt as though the show had been designed specifically with me in mind.

The format would start to get tired and a bit worn out as time went on, but in 1968, during the groundbreaking, trailblazing ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON (Time-Life, 4-disc DVD), it seemed like a totally fresh, endlessly inventive comedy powerhouse.

Dan Rowan, the cigarette-puffing straight man who looked like he should always have a bourbon on the rocks in his hand, and Dick Martin, the wisecracking "funny" one who seemed to have already had a few, were like dinner-theater comics who'd stepped into their own network comedy show by surprise and decided to have the time of their lives.

The cast were an eclectic bunch of crazies who would almost all become household names--Jo Anne Worley, Arte Johnson, Ruth Buzzi, "Get Smart" star Barbara Feldon, Henry Gibson, Eileen Brennan, Larry Hovis, announcer Gary Owens, and "sock it to me" girl Judy Carne.  The show's biggest star, Goldie Hawn, would enter the scene in the third episode and become the show's reigning dumb blonde.

The jokes came fast and furious, practically piling up on each other, much of them silly sight gags and wordplay.  Weekly features included "The Party", "News of the Past, Present, and Future", "Sock It To Me" Time, "The Joke Wall", "It's a Mod, Mod World", and "Potpourri."  All were just excuses for more comic madness. 

And despite the show's counterculture vibe, much of it is actually your standard "old fogey"-type comedy with a veneer of feigned "hip"-ness--a weird mixture to be sure.  But it seemed fresh and rebellious at the time because it was so different from the usual straightlaced variety shows (such as Carol Burnett's over on CBS).

The "Party" sequences play like Hugh Hefner's "Playboy After Dark"--complete with middle-aged swingers awkwardly dressed in mod clothes--but packed with oodles of groan-worthy one-liners ("My brother's a Quaker--some of his best Jews are friends", "I wanted a nose job, but my husband said it would be like putting a new luggage rack on a 1953 De Soto.")

The jokes cover previously taboo subjects such as birth control, marijuana, race, and various kinds of sex, with the censors seemingly letting them get away with a lot more than usual.  But this was back before everyone was so easily triggered and being politically incorrect was an act of social rebellion by the counter-culture against the "establishment."

Weekly guest stars doing their bit(s) included Flip Wilson, Harry Belafonte, Milton Berle, Johnny Carson, Cher, Tim Conway, Sammy Davis Jr., Sally Field, Jerry Lewis, Muriel Landers, Kaye Ballard, Sheldon Leonard, Tommy Smothers, and even John Wayne.  The infamous ukulele-playing folk singer Tiny Tim, who became a superstar because of the show, makes three separate appearances.

The DVD set from Time-Life contains four discs with 14 remastered episodes.  Disc one's bonus features include a cast reunion, blooper reel, a new interview with creator and executive-producer George Schlatter, and the show's entire pilot episode.

ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON was a blast in its time and still comes through as fresh and funny, but with added nostalgia value.  It's just as much a treat to watch now as it was back in 1968.



Street Date: September 5, 2017

CAST
Dan Rowan
Dick Martin
Pamela Austin
Ken Berry
Eileen Brennan
Ruth Buzzi
Judy Carne
Barbara Feldon
Henry Gibson
Goldie Hawn
Larry Hovis
Arte Johnson
Gary Owens
Jo Anne Worley

PROGRAM INFORMATION
Format: DVD/4 Discs
Running Time: 869 minutes
Genre:  TV DVD/Comedy
Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1
Audio: Stereo

ROWAN & MARTIN'S LAUGH-IN: THE COMPLETE FIRST SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

What If They Turned "JAWS" Into A Bad 70s Sitcom? (video)

 

(Originally posted on 8/11/21)

Remember how a classic movie would be so great at the theater...

...and then they'd try to recreate the same magic...

...by turning it into a crappy TV series?

Remember? Huh? Do ya? Huh? Huh?

Well, here's what it might've looked like if they did that to "Jaws"!


Video by Porfle Popnecker
Music by Roger Steinman

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

What If They Turned "JAWS" Into A Bad 70s Sitcom? (video)

John Wayne Loses His Toupee In "NORTH TO ALASKA" (1960) (video)

 

While John Wayne rarely wore a toupee in his private life...

...he was never without it in his later films and personal appearances.

But we get a rare glimpse of his thinning pate in NORTH TO ALASKA (1960)...

...when a punch from Ernie Kovacs sends both hat and hairpiece flying.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

John Wayne Loses His Toupee In "NORTH TO ALASKA" (1960) (video)

Rocky's Sound Effects ("Rocky", 1976) (video)

 

 

As we discover here, Rocky's eloquence sometimes extended beyond mere words and into the realm of sound effects.

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Rocky's Sound Effects ("Rocky", 1976) (video)

Shemp: The Living Dead Stooge (Fake Shemp) (video)

Originally posted on 7/5/19

 

When the great Shemp Howard died in 1955...

...the Three Stooges still owed Columbia four short films under their current contract.

Along with much stock footage, the remaining four shorts were completed...

...using Stooge regular Joe Palma as a stand-in for Shemp.

Watch the Joe Palma/Fake Shemp footage here.

Rumpus in the Harem (1956)
Hot Stuff (1956)
Commotion On the Ocean (1956)
Scheming Schemers (1956)


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Shemp: The Living Dead Stooge (Fake Shemp) (video)

Robert Duvall vs. A Snooty Maitre D ("True Confessions", 1981) (video)

 

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

 

 

Robert Duvall vs. A Snooty Maitre D ("True Confessions", 1981) (video)

THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/22/09

 

 

One thing I remember vividly about my younger days is how Saturday night used to be dominated by the CBS comedy block. This unbeatable combo of two-fisted ratings busters was comprised of classic sitcoms such as "All in the Family", "The Jeffersons", "The Bob Newhart Show", and, of course, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show."

Mary, who had enjoyed similar success as Rob Petrie's wife Laura on "The Dick Van Dyke Show", was now the top banana of her own popular series, which was still a top-rated show when she decided to quit while she was ahead at the end of year seven. The new 3-disc set from 20th-Century Fox, THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON catches Mary in full stride and at the top of her game.

Hardly a clone of "I Love Lucy", yet not as bug-eyed goofy as "Seinfeld", "Mary Tyler Moore" is a prime example of 70s situation comedy in transiton. The show is still influenced by the typical sitcoms of the past, yet it's always reaching for a new sophistication and an intelligent yet increasingly off-kilter sense of humor. Thankfully, the 1974-75 season has none of the "very special episodes" and/or awkward lapses into total seriousness that marred a lot of that era's sitcoms in their attempt to be more relevant or substantial.

While "All in the Family" may have shown us Edith Bunker getting raped or Gloria losing her baby (which was okay for a more seriocomic type of show), Mary's biggest problems are fending off an amorous Ted Baxter in "An Affair to Forget", dealing with Mr. Grant as an unwelcome new neighbor in "Neighbors", or going it alone for the first time as producer of the TV news show where she works in "Mary Richards: Producer." And just when a situation appears to be lapsing into the overly dramatic, it's always punctured by a well-placed zinger that restores things to their irreverent norm.

Not having seen the show in quite awhile, I was reminded while viewing this collection of just how warm and funny it is. Mary's years of playing Laura Petrie alongside Dick Van Dyke, Carl Reiner, Morey Amsterdam, and Rose Marie paid off by teaching her impeccable comedic skills and timing. Strong but never unrealistically independent, her Mary Richards character is a real person who stands up for herself but often needs to lean on her friends for support. At times she's vulnerable and totally at a loss as situations overwhelm her, which we can all identify with. In fact, the more frantic, panic-stricken, and desperate Mary Richards becomes, the funnier she is.

You can't go wrong with this supporting cast, either. Ed Asner is perfect as Mary's gruff but lovable boss, Lou Grant, the executive producer of station WJM's low-rated news program where she works as a producer. A pre-"Love Boat" Gavin MacLeod is news writer Murray Slaughter, Mary's wisecracking cohort whose comic barbs are usually aimed at Ted Baxter. As the show's conceited but utterly incompetent anchorman, Ted Knight is this show's rich vein of comedy gold. His Ted Baxter is a brilliant comedy creation whose every word, gesture, and facial expression pays off in funny.

As Ted's preternaturally sweet but airheaded girlfriend Georgette, Georgia Engel compliments his character the way Simka completes Latka on "Taxi." Betty White, going against her happy homemaker image (which was funny at the time but lost on anyone these days who doesn't remember it), is also great as station WJM's cooking show host, Sue Ann Nivens, whose spic 'n' span surface hides the soul of a street walker. And on the homefront, Mary's flighty, materialistic neighbor Phyllis is played to perfection by the great Cloris Leachman. (Valerie Harper as former neighbor "Rhoda" was, by this time, trying to make a go of it on her own show.)

Another thing that this set reminded me of was how gorgeous Mary Tyler Moore was before she became a famous plastic-surgery casualty. Truly one of the cutest women ever to appear on network TV, she really could turn the world on with her smile. By the fifth season she wasn't flaunting it quite as much, but there's still the occasional scene where she pops into the frame wrapped in a towel or something similarly revealing.

In "You Try to be a Nice Guy", ex-hooker Sherry (Barbara Colby), who shared a cell with Mary in "Will Mary Richards Go to Jail?" and now has aspirations as a dress designer, comes up with a doozy of a custom design for our favorite news producer. Mary looks so arrestingly hot in this well-ventilated dress that it totally shut down my ability to watch the rest of the episode for several minutes. When Ted Baxter gets a load of her in this get-up he goes predictably out of his gourd, and I can't blame him.

Probably the most memorable thing that happens to Mary in this season is her landing in jail for refusing to name a news source ("Will Mary Richards Go to Jail?"), but even here the subject is treated lightly. The unseen Chuckles the Clown makes it through another year alive, so we still have his celebrated funeral to look forward to in a later season. Ted Baxter takes us to comedy heaven in several showcase episodes ("You Sometimes Hurt the One You Hate", "A Boy's Best Friend", "The System", "Marriage Minneapolis Style", "Ted Baxter's Famous Broadcasters' School"), Lou Grant gets the spotlight a few times ("Neighbors", "You Can't Lose 'em All", "Lou and That Woman"), and Murray takes center stage in "A Son for Murray" and "I Love a Piano." Sue Ann's shallow character is explored in more depth in "A New Sue Ann", "Not a Christmas Story", and "What are Friends For?" Cloris Leachman gets a chance to show her stuff as Phyllis in "Menage-a-Phyllis" and the hilarious "Phyllis Whips Inflation."

Some of the more notable guest stars in this season are John Saxon, Sheree North, Richard Masur, Rosanne Cash, Doris Roberts, David Huddleston, Noble Willingham, "The Love Boat" alums Fred Grandy and Bernie Kopell, Ron Rifkin, universally-reviled child actor Lee H. Montgomery, and two familiar faces from THE BOYS IN THE BAND, Leonard Frey and Laurence Luckinbill.

This 3-disc set is 1.33:1 full-frame with Dolby Digital English mono and is closed-captioned. Subtitles are available in English and Spanish. No episode guide or other extras. The show looks pretty much as good here as it did when first aired.

Once you settle into the rhythm and feel of this show, it becomes a source of highly-addictive fun. I watched all 24 episodes of THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON in no time flat, and it left me wanting more. (Moore...get it? Totally unintentional pun, honest.)

THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW: THE COMPLETE FIFTH SEASON -- DVD Review by Porfle

Phineas Bluster's Love Song To Himself ("The New Howdy Doody Show", 1976) (video)

 

 

Why, oh why is Doodyville Mayor Phineas J. Bluster so incredibly wonderful? Let him count the ways.  

Phineas Bluster's Love Song To Himself ("The New Howdy Doody Show", 1976) (video)

Christopher Walken's Name Is Misspelled In The End Credits For "Annie Hall'? (video)

 

 

What, Woody Allen couldn't afford a proofreader? 

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

 

Christopher Walken's Name Is Misspelled In The End Credits For "Annie Hall'? (video)

How "Tombstone" Should Have Ended (video)

 

 

No matter how great a movie may be, it can always be improved in some way.  

 Here's how the classic western saga "Tombstone" would have been better if the writers had only thought the ending through a bit more.

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

How "Tombstone" Should Have Ended (video)

My Two Cringiest "Star Wars" Callbacks (video)

 

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

My Two Cringiest "Star Wars" Callbacks (video)

LULU BELLE -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/18/16

 

I love old movies, and sometimes there's nothing better than a sharp-looking, vintage black-and-white flick with a good cast that's entertaining without requiring me to expend too many precious brain cells.  In this regard, the turbulent romantic drama LULU BELLE (1948, Olive Films) fits the bill quite nicely, thanks.

For one thing, it's a great opportunity to see Dorothy Lamour on her own instead of as a foil for Hope and Crosby.  The film opens with a big, corny Broadway production number that allows her fans to revel in the leggy lass's exotic presence right off the bat before a mysterious backstage double shooting sets the "whodunnit?" story into motion.

After that, ex-husband George Davis (broad-shouldered George Montgomery, appealing as a well-meaning he-man type) is accused of the deed which has left both Lulu and her aging sugar daddy Harry Randolph (Otto Kruger, DRACULA'S DAUGHTER) comatose.

His flashback recollections told to interrogating detective Addison Richards (THE MUMMY'S CURSE) reveal his fateful meeting with seductive barfly Lulu and their subsequent whirlwind courtship and marriage. 

Lulu's expensive tastes quickly deplete George's modest bank account and leave him jobless and near destitute, forcing him to take up boxing for wealthy fight promoter Brady (Albert Dekker, DR. CYCLOPS).  Meanwhile, faithless gold digger Lulu works her way from man to man--including burly palooka Butch Cooper (Greg McClure) as well as Brady and Randolph--trading up in money and status each time and eventually landing her own Broadway show while the lovelorn and almost penniless George is left in her diamond dust. 

All of this is just lightly melodramatic enough to be entertaining without going off the deep end, with a snappy pace and neat direction by Leslie Fenton (WHISPERING SMITH, STREETS OF LAREDO).

Crisp, eye-pleasing black-and-white photography and attractive production values augment a nostalgic turn-of-the-(20th)-century ambience, which looks studio-bound but in a good way, giving it the feel of an upscale pulp fairytale.

The supporting cast is dotted with great stars.  In addition to Dekker and Kruger, the wonderful Glenda Farrell (MYSTERY OF THE WAX MUSEUM) adds greatly to the film's appeal as Lulu's wisecracking confidante, Molly.  (I'll have to go back and look for the ubiquitous Bess Flowers; she's in the cast list on IMDb but I missed her.)  Dialogue is fast and snappy, with some fun exchanges such as this: 

GEORGE: "Honey, we don't need money that badly."
LULU: "There's only one way to need money...that's to NEED it!"

The DVD from Olive Films is in 1.37:1 (windowboxed) with mono sound and optional English subtitles. No extras. Picture quality is superb.

The potentially lurid subject (for 1948) of a wanton woman man-hopping her way to success is handled quite tastefully here, with Lulu's character ultimately redeemed by the fact that she never stops carrying a torch for George.  Dorothy Lamour really seems to relish delving into the part of a scheming vixen with a veneer of tarnished glamour.  In LULU BELLE, she plays this seductive but emotionally conflicted gold digger to the hilt, riding her star vehicle for all it's worth.

LULU BELLE -- DVD Review by Porfle

LOOSE SCREWS: SCREWBALLS II -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/7/10

 

I never thought I'd compare a film unfavorably to SCREWBALLS, but I must make an exception in the case of its inferior sequel, LOOSE SCREWS: SCREWBALLS II (1985).  Not that it's really all that much worse--is that even possible?--but it just doesn't quite reach the same level of utter, gibbering, cheerful stupidity as the original Canuck-sploitation classic, which was its best quality.  However, it's still pretty damn stupid, and if you liked that about the first one, get ready for more of the same.

The main characters are still a bunch of extremely sex-crazed and psychotically immoral high school perverts who, at this rate, will end up in prison or dead within a couple of years.  At least, I sincerely hope so.  They have different names this time, but that's just an excuse for the writers to come up with more gag monikers like Brad Lovett, Steve Hardman, Marvin Eatmore, and Hugh G. Rection.  One of the main guys from the last film has been dumped, and two are played by different actors, but trust me, it really doesn't matter. 

Our fun-loving heroes have so thoroughly failed in their studies that their beseiged principal, Mr. Hardbutt, orders them to attend Coxwell Academy over the summer in order to qualify to graduate.  They've been there about five seconds before they (a) antagonize their new principal, Mr. Arsenault, and (b) become fixated on seeing their sexy French teacher, Miss Mona Lott, naked.  Driving the former out of his gourd and getting the latter out of her clothes become their driving motivations in life for the rest of the movie, along with various other acts of perversion and terror.  Seriously, these guys need to be locked up--they're so irredeemably low-class they'd make Bluto from ANIMAL HOUSE vomit.

Their antics include pumping a chemical into the swimming pool which makes bikinis disintegrate, posing as doctors in order to administer breast exams to the cheerleaders (a holdover antic from the first film), and Peeping Tom-isms via bedroom windows and a loose ceiling panel over the girls' locker room, all accompanied by maniacal heavy-breathing and drooling.  Later, the guys skip out on their curfew to visit a strip club called the Pig Pen, where they manage to directly participate in a wet T-shirt contest followed by naked whipped cream festivities.

Brad, as "Bradine", infiltrates the girls' dorm in drag (he actually looks sorta cute, god help us) so that he can gleefully share their beds and bathtubs while avoiding the suspicions of their Teutonic overseer, Miss Hilda Von Blow.  Meanwhile, suave rich boy Steve has an affair with Mr. Arsenault's buxom wife and ends up falling out of a second-storey window when Arsenault (who's having an affair with Miss Lott) comes home unexpectedly.  And just to make sure the film's humor level doesn't get too sophisticated, we're treated to the sight of the sweatily obese Marvin wandering through an aerobics class and poking his head into various crotches like a dog.  You can just imagine Woody Allen kicking himself for not beating these guys to such comedy gold.

What distinguishes this from most other comedies is the fact that none of it is even remotely funny, nor do we get the impression that the filmmakers are even trying to be.  It's as though they're thinking: "PORKY'S [the gold standard for this type of movie] was stupid, so we'll just be ten times stupider."  The film does excell at getting a lot of mostly blah-looking girls (although a few are pretty hot) in various states of undress in front of the camera, and a few situations elicit a giggle or two in spite of themselves, but for the most part it's as drab and dull as those distinctively low-budget Canadian production values.

The script, which could've been written posthumously, is loaded with groan-inducing double-entendres delivered by actors with about as much finesse as Bob Goldthwaite trying to crack a safe.  For some strange reason I enjoyed the dry-as-a-bone performance of Mike MacDonald as Mr. Arsenault, even though he delivers both his talking and screaming lines with equal emphasis.  Everybody else is just awful--albeit in a strangely enthusiastic way--and none of the characters are anywhere near as appealing as SCREWBALLS' adorable Linda Shayne (who co-scripted both films) as "Bootsie Goodhead."

One of the film's dubious highlights is a beach party sequence that takes place on a dismal Canadian shore and actually features group choreography to one of the film's many bad-80s pop tunes entitled  "Do the Screw."  Topping things off is the climactic revenge sequence with the main characters wreaking havoc at the unveiling of a statue of the academy's esteemed founder--here, we get the usual public humiliation of all the authority figures (aided by clouds of marijuana smoke, explosions, and the statue coming to lecherous life) along with the long-awaited unveiling of Miss Lott and a weird fantasy ending with our heroes suddenly becoming a crappy techno-pop band like in REVENGE OF THE NERDS.

The DVD from Severin Films is in 1.78:1 widescreen and Dolby 2.0 with no subtitles.  Extras include a director's commentary with Rafal Zielinski, boring interviews with producer Maurice Smith and production manager Ken Gord, and the film's International Version (containing about eleven minutes of extra footage) presented in "Authentic VHS-Vision!", meaning that it's window-boxed and the print looks considerably worse.  (Which, in fact, does bring back memories of those old VHS rental tapes.)

LOOSE SCREWS: SCREWBALLS II is the sort of film you might imagine being shown on movie night in a brain-dead ward.  You might even feel like checking in yourself after seeing it.  But if you do happen to find yourself in the mood for this kind of entertainment--after all, a lot of us still wax nostalgic for the pixilated pleasures of USA's "Up All Night"--then by all means, pull the plug on your life-support machine and do the Screw into oblivion with Hugh G. Rection and his horny pals.

LOOSE SCREWS: SCREWBALLS II -- DVD Review by Porfle

SCREWBALLS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

 

Originally posted on 9/11/09

 

 

 

Legendary schlock producer Roger Corman charged Jim Wynorski and Linda Shayne to write a low-budget teen sex comedy that would cash in on the then-current craze exemplified by highly-profitable crap like PORKY'S and THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN. The movie they came up with, SCREWBALLS (1983), is an even wilder, crappier, and more bizarre goof on such films that actually turned out to be some kind of trash classic.

Shamelessly stupid, cheerfully nonsensical, and aggressively inept, SCREWBALLS doesn't even make the slightest effort to take itself as seriously as those other two stupid movies that I mentioned or most of the others like them. In fact, it has more in common with the spoofy spirit of NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE than any of its contemporaries. It might also fit comfortably on a double bill with ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL as long as it's on the bottom.

Wynorski and Shayne were told by Corman to watch some other films of this genre, pick out the elements that made them work, and throw them all together into one mindless melange. Thus, the story takes place at a wacky high school (Taft Adams, or "T & A") filled with horny teen stereotypes and teachers who are either cartoonishly tight-assed or wantonly oversexed. There's also an abundance of hot cheerleaders and other babes who have trouble keeping their tops on, including the comically cute Shayne as "Bootsie Goodhead." Rest assured, the booby count in this movie is sky high.

Five hormonally-hyper guys--Rick the jock, Brent the rich kid, Tim the shy one, Howie the nerd, and Melvin Jerkovski, the chronic masturbator--are obsessed with the school's last remaining virgin, the beautiful Purity Busch (Linda Speciale), devising all sorts of devious methods to try and see her naked. A nocturnal visit to Purity's house finds her humping her teddy bear in her sleep while in the next room, Purity's sexually-frustrated mother implores her impotent husband with: "Ward, I'm worried about the beaver."

Brainy nerd Howie uses his vast intellect to come up with ingenious methods of looking up girls' skirts or hypnotizing them into wanting to have sex with him, which invariably backfire in strange ways. The latter episode climaxes with a gym class full of bikini-clad girls lurching toward him en masse like robots and then trying to kill him.

Meanwhile, Rick the jock manages to cop plenty of feels by posing as a doctor on "Breast Exam Day" and a female dressmaking teacher measuring her students' bust sizes. Not so successful is Melvin's scheme to have himself buried under the same patch of sand where Purity sunbathes every day and peer at her cleavage through a soda-can periscope.

I don't know why, but my favorite sequence is the part where the guys and the girls challenge each other to a game of "Strip Bowling." It's just a bunch of high-spirited nonsense that's as stupid as it sounds and ends with a bowling ball being lodged on part of Howie's anatomy. Another highlight is a visit to a strip club that features generously-endowed guest star Raven De La Croix doing an old-fashioned burlesque routine. Everything comes to a head on the night of the big homecoming dance, where Howie unleashes his last-ditch attempt to scientifically remove Purity's clothing once and for all.

The DVD is in 1.66:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital 2.0 sound. Transferred from the best available print, the film looks about the way it might if you caught it on late-night television. Bonus features include a commentary by director Rafal Zielinski, deleted and alternate scenes, a theatrical trailer, and interviews with Zielinski, Shayne and Wynorski, star Kent Deuters (Brent), and SPFX artist Gerald Lukaniuk. Canuxsploitation scholar Paul Corupe discusses the film in the context of Canada's teen sex film boom of the 80s, while "Mr. Skin" and "McBeardo" of internet fame wax enthusiastic about SCREWBALLS' contribution to the cause of onscreen boobage.

SCREWBALLS is so harmlessly dumb that the main characters come off as much more likable than the leering lechers and salacious sluts trying to out-raunch each other in PORKY'S and other such films. It's just the kind of flick you'd expect to see on USA's "Up All Night" back in the good old days (Rhonda Shear would fit right in) along with other low-rent Canadian sex romps like HEAVY METAL SUMMER (aka STATE PARK), MEATBALLS III, and the rest of the illustrious "Balls" series--but with all the nudity gloriously intact. While containing the same basic elements as the smuttier, filthier, and lewder teen flicks of its era, SCREWBALLS is just too blithely stupid to be anything but good-natured fun.

Read our review of the sequel LOOSE SCREWS: SCREWBALLS II

 

SCREWBALLS -- DVD Review by Porfle