JACK BROWN GENIUS -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted in 2009

Do you miss the good old days when Yahoo Serious was a cinematic force to be reckoned with? Then you may enjoy JACK BROWN, GENIUS, a 1994 comedy from New Zealand, because it plays as though producer Peter Jackson, director Tony Hiles, and co-writer Fran Walsh had him in mind for the title role when they penned the script for Wingnut Films.

The farcical nature of the story emerges during the prologue, with a 10th century English monk named Elmer (Stuart Devenie) jumping off a cliff to test his newly-invented wings only to fall to his death and be wrongly banished to Purgatory for committing "suicide." Nearly 1000 years later, but only days before Elmer is to be consigned to Hell for all time, he enters the brain of a struggling inventor named Jack Brown (Timothy Balme, BRAINDEAD) and nags him into trying to succeed where he failed, thus convincing God that Elmer didn't really intend to commit suicide after all. (Wait--isn't God supposed to be omniscient? Oh, never mind.)

I've seen "Scooby-Doo" episodes that made more sense, but this movie just blithely sails along as though the story weren't completely out to lunch. Like a weird medieval variation of INNERSPACE (with a dash of HUDSON HAWK thrown in, God help us), we see Elmer bopping around inside Jack's brain and poking at his nerves and blood vessels to get attention whenever Jack starts to work on his current project (hydraulic leaping shoes) for his demanding boss (Edward Campbell). "Thou canst not silence me, Jack! Thy brainpan is my permanent place of abode!" Elmer insists.

After spending some time in a "Regional Centre for the Deeply Disturbed", Jack actually does invent a working pair of wings, only to have the power source stolen by The Boss and his evil dominatrix girlfriend, Sylvia (Lisa Chappell), to sell to an Asian businessman. Meanwhile, Jack's best friend Dennis (Marton Csokas, LORD OF THE RINGS, THE BOURNE SUPREMACY), who runs a mobile hot dog stand, is seduced into helping Sylvia while his bride-to-be Eileen (Nicola Murphy) starts to fall for Jack, whom she thinks is crazy. Okay, where did I lose you?

JACK BROWN GENIUS features some nicely garish set design and is directed like a cartoon, full of hyperkinetic action and ridiculous plot developments that just barrel along like a circus wagon with no brakes. Some potentially funny situations are set up and then just sailed through without any elaboration--this movie could've been twice as funny if the writers had just taken the time to insert some comedy into the comedy scenes. This is especially true during Jack's stay in the nuthouse, although the part where he tries to silence Elmer by subjecting himself to shock treatment is nicely done.

Then again, the movie sometimes manages to pull off some almost dazzling sequences out of the blue. Angry with Jack for messing up their leaping-shoes deal with the Asians, The Boss takes after him in a car with the intent of running him down. This leads to some incredible stunt/effects scenes involving a car and two speeding trains as Jack leaps for his life. Another chase in a garbage dump has Jack and Eileen being pursued by a livid Sylvia in a demolition-derby style smash-up with an exhilarating finale. And the climactic flying effects are well-done.

I enjoyed some of the dialogue, such as this simple exchange:

JACK: "There's a monk in my head, Eileen."
EILEEN: "Pardon?"

Timothy Balme is appropriately cartoonlike in the title role, a perplexed wacky-inventor type who depends on his imagination to get him out of a scrape. Nicola Murphy is likable in her debut as Eileen, although her sudden infatuation with Jack, who throws up on her shoes and seems insane enough for her to have him committed to an asylum, seems a bit of a stretch. As The Boss, Edward Campbell has a gruff Vinnie Jones-like thing going. Marton Csokas, who would go on to have quite a successful career, does what he can with the role of Dennis, which is just all over the map.

Likewise, Stuart Devenie makes the best of his wacky monk character, Elmer, which consists mainly of being irritating and bouncing around inside a big rubber brain. My favorite supporting character has to be Lisa Chappell as bad girl Sylvia, for reasons which I will leave to your conjecture. She has the one graphic gore scene in the film, but, unfortunately, neither of the two bare behinds on display belong to her. (You don't wanna know who they do belong to.)

I watched a barebones screener so I can only say that the final DVD extras should include a stills gallery. The 16 x 9 anamorphic widescreen image and 2.0 Dolby Digital audio are good. The film has a nice pop music score and I especially liked the song "Not an Ordinary Life" by the Brainchilds.

JACK BROWN GENIUS gets by on a certain amount of inventiveness, some appealing actors, and lots of energy--which adds up to a decent amount of fun. It isn't one of the best comedies ever made, but it's one of the best comedies that Yahoo Serious never made.

JACK BROWN GENIUS -- Movie Review by Porfle

Coopers' Christmas (2008): "I Kill Poppy!" (video)

 

This scene from the 2008 comedy "Coopers' Christmas" teaches a valuable lesson: if you're Poppy, you should never let your guard down around Dougie.

(Caution: something violent happens)

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Coopers' Christmas (2008): "I Kill Poppy!" (video)

GHOSTS OF GOLDFIELD -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 4/10/09

I didn't like the film version of THE SHINING, so any horror movie about ghosts in a big old hotel is going to have to outdo Kubrick in order to win me over. (Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration.) And like the little engine that could, GHOSTS OF GOLDFIELD (2009) huffs and puffs its little heart out trying to do just that. But despite the best efforts of all involved, it never really builds up much steam.

Julie (Marnette Patterson of "Charmed") is a psych major who's doing a thesis on ghosts, so she rounds up some college friends to help her shoot a film inside the haunted Goldfield Hotel, situated in a ghost town in the middle of the Nevada desert. The main reason the place is haunted is because long ago, the rich bastard who built it tortured his mistress Elizabeth (Ashly Rae) to death in one of the rooms after finding out she was cheating on him with the hotel's bartender. He also tossed the couple's illegitimate baby down a mine shaft (what a sweet guy!), so now Elizabeth's ghost roams the corridors wailing "Where's my baby?" (And no, dingos are not involved.)

There's some other stuff mentioned about the hotel being a portal between the worlds of the living and the dead, but nothing much ever comes of this. And the fact that Elizabeth (who resembles Juliette Lewis after a bad weekend) seems to be the only ghost in the whole place for much of the movie really cuts down on the haunt factor. First-time director Ed Winfield displays little skill at building suspense or putting together effective scare sequences, while the cast seem unable to convincingly convey extreme emotions when necessary. Even their casual banter often seems awkwardly improvised, though much of the blame for this is probably due to the writers not giving them much to work with.

Besides Julie, there's her straitlaced boyfriend Dean (Scott Whyte), nice-guy cameraman Chad (TWILIGHT's Kellan Lutz), obligatory jackass Mike (Richie Chance), who stays drunk most of the time and likes to jump out and scare people, and Keri (Mandy Amano), the whiner who's constantly griping about being hungry or tired when she isn't swiping stuff from the hotel to sell on eBay. You know your cast isn't too impressive when the best performance comes from "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, who plays Elizabeth's secret lover Jackson Smith (in flashback) with something resembling two strips of beef jerky glued to his jowls to represent old-timey sideburns.

As expected, members of the group begin to wander off by themselves down dark, spooky corridors as soon as they enter the hotel. Director Winfield relies heavily on shots of mysterious figures flitting past the camera, clutching hands, and other familiar stuff to keep us on edge. The ghostly image of Elizabeth wandering around with her blazing red eyes, flowing white gown, and crazed expression are somewhat effective at times. Late in the story we begin to get a few gory kill scenes, but nothing very elaborate. Also as expected, nobody is able to get a signal on their cell phones! It's inevitable nowadays that horror movies must deal with this issue, and lately it seems more and more as though scriptwriters are simply saying "Screw it--the cell phones don't work."

The DVD is in 16x9 widescreen with 2.0 stereo sound. Direction and photography are average at best, and at times not very good. I viewed a screener with the movie only, but the release version promises a director's commentary, stills gallery, and trailers.

During the story, Julie begins to have visions of herself in the hotel during a past life, and her possible connection with Elizabeth's tragic demise leads to a downbeat and somewhat surprising finale that sends the movie off on a high note. GHOSTS OF GOLDFIELD is an okay time-waster if you're not in a very demanding mood; otherwise, chances are you'll find it more tame and tedious than scary.

GHOSTS OF GOLDFIELD -- DVD Review by Porfle

B.T.K. -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 4/12/09

The same tall, imposing figure, dressed in coveralls, relentlessly stalking his next hapless victim--Kane Hodder remains as intimidating a screen presence now as he did as Jason Voorhees in the FRIDAY THE 13TH films. But there's no hockey mask here, only the face of a normal, everyday guy. Yet there's something about it that isn't quite right, something a little off...just enough to give you the creeps. Because this isn't the face of a mindless killing machine. It's the guy next door.

Which is one of the reasons B.T.K. (2008) is so effective. Hodder plays Dennis L. Rader, a devoted husband and father of two grown daughters, a man active in his church, a man with a fairly responsible position--he's what's called a "compliance officer", which means he gets to wear an official-looking uniform and drive around his sleepy Kansas town in a white van, looking for infractions of various city ordinances. Rader takes this job seriously, perhaps a bit too seriously, to the point of being anally obsessive and at times downright hostile toward people who let their poodles run loose or don't keep their lawns trimmed (he actually measures the grass). Not only does this feed his voracious ego and help bolster his feelings of inadequacy, but it also gives him an opportunity to scope out potential victims--the women who will be his next targets for home invasion and brutal murder.

B.T.K. isn't your usual colorfully-inane slasher flick for teenagers to hoot and throw popcorn at. It's closer to the somber, uncomfortably realistic feel of HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER, although Dennis isn't quite the remote, solitary cold fish that Henry was. He revels in his family life and his community and church activities, as long as he has brutal murder as a release valve for his pent-up rage and an outlet for his sexual frustrations. Hodder is great at portraying the two sides of Dennis--he's all smiles and banal cordiality until the little psycho-dial in his head inches into the red and he starts turning into a monster. And with his hulking physique, bull neck, and big, powerful hands, he's someone you wouldn't want coming after you.

Writer-director Michael Feifer doesn't go in for the flashy, elaborate kills that require the services of guys like Tom Savini or the inventiveness of Rube Goldberg. The real thing is scary enough when presented in a realistic way, as he does here. The performances in B.T.K. are generally good (Hodder himself is excellent) and natural enough that we feel for these everyday people whom Dennis strangles, stomps to death, smothers with plastic bags, or simply shoots in the head. The fear we all feel of having a vicious killer stalking us in our own homes is vividly portrayed. Feifer uses a hand-held camera to good effect and deftly stages the terror sequences so that they're both unnerving and emotionally disturbing. Direction and editing are above average throughout. Not every scene works, of course, and some of the later ones with Rader's family discovering the truth about him as police investigators move in are less than successful.

As the film goes on, we're taken deeper and deeper into Dennis' whacked-out mind while also getting disquieting glimpses from the victims' POV as well. One rather shocking scene shows him tracking down and getting revenge on a hooker who ran out on him earlier in the film--he decorates the wall with her husband's brains and begins to strangle her, which we see through her eyes as her vision dims, then returns, over and over again as Dennis sadistically brings her to the point of death several times before the kill. Then, he suddenly sees his own daughter in her place and freaks out. His mental state becomes even more unstable later on until ultimately we're just as unsure as he is of what's real and what isn't. Which leads to one of the film's most disturbing moments--a final twist that ends the story on a disorienting, dispiriting note.

Picture and sound quality are good--the DVD image is 16 x 9 widescreen with 5.1 surround audio. My screener contained no extras but the final release should boast a commentary track featuring director Feifer and Kane Hodder, a stills gallery, trailers, and Spanish subtitles.

B.T.K. (the title stands for "bind, torture, kill" after the infamous B.T.K. Killer, who inspired this fictional account) isn't a "fun" movie by any means. But it is often harrowing, disturbing, and effective. Mainly because the killer isn't a faceless automaton in a mask, or a grossly disfigured monster, but just some guy you might pass by on the street. Or glimpse out of the corner of your eye while sitting at home alone at night, right before he whips the plastic bag over your head.

B.T.K. -- DVD Review by Porfle

NIGHT STALKER -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/28/09

A specialist in serial killer films as of late, prolific director Ulli Lommel adds to his screen bios of Son of Sam, the D.C. Sniper, the B.T.K. Killer, the Zodiac Killer, and others with 2007's NIGHTSTALKER, which is being given a new DVD release on Sept. 8 by North American Motion Pictures (under the slightly different title NIGHT STALKER). This weak and ponderous effort makes the recent serial killer films of director Michael Feifer look like "Masterpiece Theater" by comparison.

After a brief flashback of Richard Ramirez as a child witnessing his crazy war-veteran uncle shooting his crabby aunt in the head, the film is virtually plotless. Just about the only other thing that doesn't involve Ramirez skulking around the streets of Los Angeles looking for his next victim is the part where he follows an attractive young woman to a party and is introduced to drugs and Satan worshipping. Her supposed influence on him is manifested by several flashbacks during the murder scenes, consisting of quick closeups of her eyes as she chants "Hail Satan!"

Ramirez hates women, we're told early on, and is intent on putting them in their place. Thus, several of his victims in the movie are bitchy women in the process of bawling out some mousey guy, which seems to set off his "stalker sense" and lead him straight to the scene where he starts blasting away. This is repeated several times ad nauseum during the movie--scenes of couples arguing intercut with shots of Ramirez shuffling down the sidewalk sucking on his ever-present Charms Blow Pop until he arrives on the scene. Bad acting ensues, squibs go off, and star Adolph Cortez is directed to play around with the fake blood that's all over the place while director Lommel fiddles with artsy camera angles and editing.

I've always considered Richard Ramirez to be one of the scariest and most menacing of the famous serial killers, but Cortez plays him like a weaselly high-school dropout looking to score some weed for the big Phish concert. He does a voiceover with a lot of talk about evil and "darkness" and all that stuff, and keeps telling us "God is dead", etc., but there's no real connection between these ominous words and the smirking Richard Grieco wannabe who skulks around endlessly sucking on Blow Pops. Cortez goes through so many bags of Blow Pops during the course of this movie that his stomach lining must have developed an impenetrable candy shell.

Unfortunately, this is just about the only unique trait the character has, so Cortez works those damn things like he was doing a softcore porn tease. Besides that, all the script gives him to do is one walking-around sequence after another topped by yet another splattery bang-bang. After awhile the film becomes mainly a showcase for some decent head-shot squib effects.

NIGHT STALKER has that shot-on-video look and a wildly-inappropriate synth score that often works against the desired effect. The DVD image is 16 x 9 anamorphic widescreen with 2.0 stereo sound. I watched a screener with no extras, but the DVD release is supposed to include a stills gallery and closed captioning.

The film rambles along until the boredom finally ends with Ramirez' capture, which is depicted in a cursory but somewhat accurate manner. Then we're shown the following actual quote: "You don't understand me. You are not expected to. You are not capable of it. I am beyond your experience. I am beyond good and evil." These words are more chilling than anything depicted in NIGHT STALKER. Painting a convincing portrait of Richard Ramirez and giving us an inkling of what it must have been like to live in Los Angeles during his reign of terror or to experience one of his attacks are beyond this film.

 

NIGHT STALKER -- DVD Review by Porfle