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Tuesday, September 22, 2026

TEKKEN: BLOOD VENGEANCE -- DVD Review by Porfle



Originally posted on 11/9/11

 

Sometimes a movie makes me really glad that CGI was invented, and TEKKEN: BLOOD VENGEANCE (2011) is one of those movies.  This photo-realistic digital action epic is the kind of sweet eye candy that makes my eyeballs feel good.

Xiaoyu and Alisa are two high school girls who both have a crush on introspective loner Shin, who's brawny and handsome but troubled, maybe even suicidal.  What the girls don't know is that Shin is the sole survivor of a genetic experiment and his rapidly mutating body is sought by two arch rivals, Mishima Zaibatsu and the sinister G Corporation.  What Shin doesn't know is that Xiaoyu is an unwilling agent of G Corporation and Alisa is a humanoid robot from Mishima Zaibatsu, and they're both under orders to locate him.

Behind all of this, as Tekken fans will have already guessed, is the blood-feuding Mishima clan.  Jin, the youngest, is the head of Mishima Zaibatsu while his father and mortal enemy Kazuya runs G Corporation.  Kazuya, with the help of evil warrior babe Anna Williams, hopes that isolating Shin's "Devil Gene" will help him control his own super powers, but Jin and his beautiful assistant Nina Williams (Anna's sister) are determined to thwart him by getting to Shin first.  Pulling everyone's strings in the background is mean old family patriarch Heihachi Mishima, whose intentions are even more insidious.



The film's opening, which resembles something out of AKIRA, thrusts us right into the action with a motorcycle vs. big rig collision on the freeway which leads to fierce hand-to-hand combat between the Williams sisters.  Here, we get an indication of how good the motion-capture animation is going to be in this movie, with the impossibly-stacked ladies literally looking like living dolls. 

It only gets better when Xiaoyu and Alisa meet on their high school campus and begin their friendly rivalry over Shin.  Sumptuously rendered backgrounds bursting with vivid color and detail are realistic yet fanciful at the same time, providing the backdrop for some gorgeous character design.  Faces and body language are highly expressive and nuanced, with little of the "uncanny valley" effect seen in other virtual characters. 

The direction, editing, and virtual camerawork are outstanding as well, as the filmmakers are able to meticulously construct fight scenes in a way that live action can rarely achieve.  The first really awesome example of this occurs when Alisa's programming forces her into battle against Xiaoyu in a thrilling and visually dazzling sequence.  A mix of lightning-fast moves and slow-mo are easy to follow even as the action rushes by almost in a blur.



The film climaxes with a half-hour series of bouts between the Mishimas as they assume their true beastly appearance and wreak all kinds of destruction, laying waste to the countryside.  Director Yoichi Mori keeps the action and suspense of this all-out war building until the blazing finish, with an appropriately grandiose musical score to propel things along. 

But just as important are the quieter scenes between Xiaoyu and Alisa, with Dai Sato's screenplay allowing them lots of charming interplay to offset the bad-girl posturing of the Williams sisters and the seething fury of the Mishimas.  Pink-haired robot Alisa is particularly endearing with her childlike innocence and wide-eyed fascination with human behavior, making it even more startling when her programming forces her into attack mode complete with chainsaw arms and rocket-powered wings.  Feisty and funny schoolgirl Xiaoyu is also a very likable and lifelike CGI creation. 

The DVD from Bandai Entertainment is in 16x9 widescreen with Japanese and English 5.1 soundtracks and English subtitles.  Extras consist of a movie trailer and a movie/videogame hybrid trailer.

Even if the story and characters weren't so compelling and the action so intense, TEKKEN: BLOOD VENGEANCE would be worth watching simply to bask in the strikingly good visuals.  You don't have to be a fan of "Tekken" or videogames in general to be entertained by this awesome example of superior digital animation.



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Monday, September 21, 2026

Jean Harlow Dies During "SARATOGA" (1937), Stand-In Completes Scenes (Video)

 

Blonde bombshell Jean Harlow died in 1937 at the youthful age of 26.

The picture she was making with Clark Gable, SARATOGA, was incomplete.

Rather than recast, the studio finished her scenes using stand-in Mary Dees.

This was used as part of the picture's publicity campaign.  



I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

 


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Sunday, September 20, 2026

Stooges On Fire! Three Stooges Doing Their Own Fire Stunts (video)




Of all the dangerous stunts the Three Stooges did over the years...

...few matched the times when they were literally set on fire.

Moe flirts with flame in "A Plumbing We Will Go" (1940).
In "Pardon My Backfire" (1948), Moe lights up for real.
And again in the "A Plumbing We Will Go" remake, "Vagabond Loafers" (1949).
All three are set ablaze in "Income Tax Sappy" (1954).

But most harrowing of all...

...is Shemp's extended fire stunt in "Heavenly Daze" (1948).


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!



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Saturday, September 19, 2026

7 Times John Wayne Got Killed In A Movie (video)




7 Times John Wayne Got Killed In A Movie

(SPOILERS!)

Reap the Wild Wind (1942)
Fighting Seabees (1944)
Wake of the Red Witch (1948)
Sands of Iwo Jima (1949)
The Alamo (1960)
The Cowboys (1972)
The Shootist (1976)


Originally posted on 5/23/18
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!





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Friday, September 18, 2026

TARA ROAD -- Movie Review by Porfle




 

(NOTE: This review originally appeared online in 2005.)

 

"Sometimes you must lose your life to find a new one."  Oh, brother...

What do you do when your life falls apart around you?  Well, if you're Marilyn (Andie MacDowell), a well-to-do New England wife who's feeling estranged from her husband after their teenaged son gets killed during his 15th birthday party, and Ria (Olivia Williams), an Irish mother of two who just found out that not only is she pregnant again, but so is her husband's mistress...

...you swap houses.  Yes, that's the gimmick that TARA ROAD (2005) uses to take these two hapless women on an emotional journey of self-discovery and all that stuff.  After a handy plot contrivance, Marilyn ends up in Ria's house in Dublin and Ria leaves her kids with her cheating husband and his girlfriend and whisks off to New England to move into Marilyn's house.  But they're not just swapping houses, they're swapping lives.  And learning about themselves...and growing, and...excuse me, I think I'm gonna barf...

First of all, Ria's a wuss.  Her husband Danny (Iain Glen) makes his shocking announcement--you know, about his girlfriend being pregnant and whatnot--and all she can do is desperately clutch at him and practically beg him to stay with her.  Marilyn, on the other hand, is a cold fish who has a faithful husband who loves her, yet she rejects him because she's so wrapped up in her own self-pity.  In one early scene, she's so upset about the loss of their son that she even knocks her glass of iced tea off the table while sitting by the pool.  So these two women damn well better learn about themselves and grow and all that stuff during this movie, or I'm really gonna be ticked off.

When we see them wandering through each other's houses, it's supposed to be a meaningful "moment", judging from the soft string music and the solemnity on their faces.  For some reason, going through each other's underwear drawers and tripping over each other's kid's toys is meant to be a deeply emotional experience for them and us, although I didn't really get why.

Of course, a big part of the story will be the alternately zany and heartwarming culture shock that is generated when Ria and Marilyn encounter each other's friends.  Ria discovers that Marilyn has the standard "brassy broad" gal pal who seems to constantly flounce from one of these movies to the next--the frizzy-haired, obnoxious fashion disaster, Carlotta ("Ab Fab" script editor Ruby Wax).  There's also a funny black friend named Heidi (Jia Francis), because rich white women always have a funny black friend.  Ria is invaded by them upon her arrival and is flustered and nonplussed by their raucous American behavior since people aren't brassy and obnoxious and black in dear ol' Dublin, doon't ya know, and they get tipsy and have girl-talk and it's all just so delightful!  Not.

Meanwhile, Marilyn is ransacking her way through Ria's private photographs and looking wistful as sad music plays on the soundtrack.  At this point I have absolutely no emotional investment in this character, yet I'm supposed to be all weepy over her.  Actually, I can't stand her.  Anyway, she encounters Ria's restauranteur-gardener friend, Colm (Stephen Rea) and her other friend Rosemary (Maria Doyle Kennedy), and they're so low-key and sweetly encouraging and relaxing to be around--just what poor Marilyn needs, bless her heart.  Various other people flit in and out of her vicinity and talk Irish at her, which she finds enchanting.  It's as though she's stumbled into some kind of Tolkien fantasy full of playful hobbits.

I check the DVD time and find that only one-fourth of the movie has elapsed so far.  Oh...my...god.

Ria meets Marilyn's brother-in-law Andy (Jean-Marc Barr) and they hit it off because he's one of those fantasy chick-flick guys who is soft-spoken, wimpily handsome, and talks about his feelings yet knows when to listen, so it looks like a romance is in the offing.  I can't believe I'm talking about this stuff.  Please shoot me.

Did I mention that Marilyn has two giddy, flamboyantly-gay friends who supply comedy relief by queening it up whenever they're onscreen?  Of course she does.  Ria cute-meets them and gets a job cooking in their bakery.  Then she goes out with Andy for a romantic, emotional dinner that ends with Irish coffee by the pool.  She's finding herself!

Things get more complicated when Danny's business goes bust and he starts running around doing desperate things and turning into even more of a bad guy.  And Rosemary is revealed to be not quite the good friend to Ria that she was thought to be, so Ria must learn to be more assertive and self-reliant at last.  While all this is going on, Marilyn begins to inch her way back to happiness when she's reunited with her husband and finally learns to accept her son's death.  And yes, both women grow in the process.  Hallelujah!

This movie wants to take us on an emotional rollercoaster ride but it's more like getting stuck in traffic with a carload of people you can't stand and nothing on the radio but Barry Manilow.  The story is dotted with scenes meant to elicit instant reactions from us without really trying--a crying scene here, a party scene there, another plot complication, more crying--like a bad painter dabbing colorful flower petals on a bland still life. 

It's all deadly slow and lifeless, and when it was over, I felt like I'd just been released from bondage.  If you have a high tolerance for boring chick-flicks you may enjoy TARA ROAD, but it's definitely not my cup of Sleepytime Herbal Tea.

 

 


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