THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/30/09

 

If you ever wanted to see Rob Zombie's mind take a technicolor dump, then THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO is just the movie for you.

Combining a whirlwind of influences from Ralph Bakshi, John Kricfalusi, Adult Swim, R. Crumb, underground comics in general, HEAVY METAL, old theatrical cartoons, classic Universal horror flicks, and probably a ton more that I missed, this colorful and visually delightful conglomeration of dirty jokes and ADD-friendly action comes at us like all the different elements are being stuffed into a cannon and fired through the screen. Some of it sticks, while a whole bunch of it just flies in all directions. It's as though Robin Williams' genie character from ALADDIN improvised the script while tripping his ass off on acid and crystal meth.

El Superbeasto is a Santo-like Mexican wrestler-slash-actor (he wears a suit and a mask) with a magnificently massive ego who loves gorgeous babes with magnificently massive hooters. His sister, Suzy X, is an eyepatch-wearing super-sexy superheroine who battles Zombie Nazis with the help of her lovesick and painfully horny robot pal, Murray (who is right out of the 1939 Bela Lugosi serial THE PHANTOM CREEPS).

Meanwhile, their nerdy high school nemesis Steve Wachowski has reinvented himself as Dr. Satan and is searching for a woman with the numbers "666" on her ass. Once he marries her, according to legend, he'll be transformed into a fearsome, unstoppable colossus to whom El Superbeasto will never, ever give another wedgie again. The woman with the fateful mark on her tush turns out to be spectacularly-endowed stripper Velvet von Black, who is kidnapped by Dr. Satan's gorilla henchman Otto as a smitten El Superbeasto follows the trail. All of this results, as you may have guessed, in a final showdown with El Superbeasto and Suzy X battling a super-sized Dr. Satan, his minions, and those pesky Zombie Nazis.

It goes without saying that this movie doesn't take itself very seriously, which is a plus. I didn't find all of it funny--the jokes, good and bad, just keep pummelling us non-stop until the whole thing is somewhat numbing--but it's tuneful and fun. Amidst all the frenetic activity, I found the quiet, subtle scenes with ape-henchman Otto and Lenny the schlubby elevator operator in Dr. Satan's castle to be the most laugh-out-loud funny. As for the songs by Hard 'N' Phirm, they're often delightfully twisted and amusing comments on the action. The Zombie Nazi theme is especially fun as it reels off lyrics that are simply the most painfully obvious stream-of-consciousness exposition set to music.

Creatures of all kinds fill the screen along with a bevy of outrageously sexy (in a cartoon sense, that is) babes. Velvet von Black is so hot, in fact, that her theme song contains the line: "She could suck the gay right off a painting of a unicorn." Another song which is heard as Dr. Satan enjoys a wank in his private bed chamber tells us:

"It's all right to jerk off to cartoons
The Japanese do it every day
So rub one out for the USA."

Super-stacked action babe Suzy X keeps her robot ally Murray in a constant state of excitation, especially when he transforms into a vehicle that Suzy operates via a strategically-placed joystick. And, needless to say, there's a Suzy vs. Velvet catfight setpiece.

Younger viewers may recognize a few of the guest cameos that pop up all over the place, but the majority of cultural references that Rob Zombie has lovingly stuffed into this movie will just sail right over their heads. The first few minutes should be a real treat for Universal horror fans--they're a reproduction of the 1931 FRANKENSTEIN'S opening titles right down to the music, visuals, and that famous "friendly warning" from Edward van Sloan.

The vocal talent is pretty impressive. I'd never heard of comedian Tom Papa, who voices El Superbeasto, but he's very good. Sheri Moon Zombie is perfect as Suzy X since she already sounds like a cartoon anyway, and Rosario Dawson ably spouts all of Velvet von Black's incessant homegirl blather. "Mr. Show" faves Brian Posehn and Tom Kenny breathe comic life into Murray and Otto, respectively, while Paul Giamatti is dastardly nerd Dr. Satan.

Other notable voices include Danny Trejo as Rico, Dee Wallace as Trixie, Tura Satana as Varla, Geoffrey Lewis as Lenny, Cassandra "Elvira" Peterson as Amber, Clint Howard as Joe Cthulu, Daniel Roebuck as talk show host Morris Green, Ken Foree (DAWN OF THE DEAD) as Luke St. Luke, and Laraine Newman as Betty Sue Lou. Sid Haig and Bill Moseley reprise their characters Captain Spaulding and Otis Driftwood.

The DVD's 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen image and Dolby 5.1 surround are very good. English subtitles for the deaf and hearing-impaired are available. Extras consist of some deleted scenes and shots, plus about half an hour of alternate scenes in various stages of completion.

I didn't find THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO to be totally engaging, but I enjoyed it anyway thanks to its constant barrage of colorful eye candy, sex 'n' violence, and good-natured stupidity. The numerous film and pop-culture references are also fun. I never read Rob Zombie's comic book on which this is based, but the film reminds me of the kind of underground comics that I used to skip over to get to the R. Crumb and Gilbert Shelton ones, and then eventually come back and read later. They weren't as good but they had their own charms.

THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO -- DVD Review by Porfle

INALIENABLE -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/23/09

 

 

"From the mind of Walter Koenig", erstwhile Ensign Chekov of the Starship Enterprise, comes INALIENABLE (2009), which starts out as a horror tale of a man who isn't quite sure whether he's carrying a deadly parasite or an alien offspring, and ends up itself resembling the unearthly lovechild of SyFy and Lifetime.

Research scientist Eric Norris (Richard Hatch, a veteran of both versions of "Battlestar Galactica") is trying to discover a cure for AIDS while dealing with the endless guilt caused by the death of his wife and son in a car crash in which he was driving. One day his friend brings him a piece of rock that broke off of an alien wessel--sorry, a meteor--that crashed on his property. Eric wakes up the next day to find that the rock has transformed into a jellyfish-like creature and invaded his body, nestling in a pouch-like protrusion over his left hip and sending tendrils throughout his body which intertwine with his vital organs.

It soon becomes apparent that Eric is "pregnant" with something, and when the FBI finds out about this potential alien threat, he must flee along with a sympathetic coworker, Amanda Mayfield (Courtney Peldon), who has fallen in love with him. After giving birth to the grotesque, tentacled baby (which he christens "Benjamin") in a barn, Eric and his new son are captured and placed under strict observation. Meanwhile, Amanda hooks up with a space-case civil rights lawyer named Ellis (Erick Avari) to help free Eric and allow him to have custody of Benjamin without government interference. This results in a courtroom drama in which Benjamin's humanity, or lack thereof, is in bitter dispute.

INALIENABLE begins with all the elements of early David Cronenberg body horror, but that all changes as soon as the proud dad gets a gander at his new butt-ugly baby with the octopus tentacles and goes all sappy. After that it's all tears and hugs and courtroom intrigue designed to tug at our heartstrings. When Eric and Benjamin are reunited in a holding cell under the watchful eyes of coldhearted government types, their impromptu Charlie Chaplin dance will either make you smile or retch. Most interesting is the battle of wits between the two lawyers over Benjamin's basic "human" rights, bringing to mind similar questions about robot sentience as seen on some of the best episodes of shows like "Star Trek" and "The Outer Limits."


Richard Hatch sells his character convincingly and makes his scenes with Courtney Peldon seem a little lopsided by consistently out-acting her. Koenig, as Eric's boss and eventual enemy (for reasons we discover later on), proves that he's a pretty solid screen presence himself when he isn't having to portray the biggest weenie in Starfleet. Special credit goes to Marina Sirtis for her impressive turn as the queen-bitch prosecutor, a far cry from ST:TNG's compassionate Deanna Troi. Other familiar sci-fi faces pop up here and there throughout the story, including Alan Ruck and Tim Russ (both alumni of different Trek incarnations), Richard Herd, Gary Graham, Jay Acovone, Erick Avari, and longtime sci-fi/horror stalwart and stuntwoman Patricia Tallman ("Babylon 5", "Star Trek", the NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD remake).

Production values are adequate but rather spartan, and Robert Dyke directs without a whole lot of energy. The film is low-key to the point of timidity, as though it were aware that someone was taking a nap in the next room and didn't want to wake them up. Some of the courtroom scenes are undercut by the constant drone of strangely soothing music which seems intent on lulling us to sleep ourselves. Worse, Amanda's first meeting with lawyer Ellis is accompanied by an intrusively whimsical tune that lets us know Ellis is supposed to be a funny character, even though he isn't funny.

The alien SPFX aren't very convincing, although it's nice to see something like this done with animatronics and puppetry rather than cheap CGI for a change. The newborn infant is a nicely-rendered creation that's somewhat reminiscent of the baby in ERASERHEAD. Later, the older Benjamin's makeup makes him look more like an aged midget than a cute little alien child, and the less said about his bobbling tentacles the better. Again, however, Richard Hatch does such a good job of interacting with this weird little gremlin that he manages to give their scenes together a surprising amount of pathos.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Surround 2.0 and English subtitles. The sole extra is a trailer, but if you zip to the end of the closing credits you get to see Walter Koenig cutting up on the set for about half a minute.

INALIENABLE's heart is in the right place and for the most part it's a fairly absorbing though slow-moving little sci-fi tale. The first half, with its potentially horrific imagery of an unknown alien lifeform incubating inside a human host, would be good fodder for a Cronenberg film or episode of "The X-Files." The second half, though, is a rather listless stroll through KRAMER VS. KRAMER territory with an ending that fails to generate much tension or suspense. All in all, an amiable little flick that I can neither condemn nor recommend with much enthusiasm.

INALIENABLE -- DVD Review by Porfle

FRANKY AND HIS PALS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted 6/27/20


There are movie lovers who love bad movies--we all know about them. And then there are those hardy souls who take it a whole 'nother step farther than a simple fondness for such films as PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE and MANOS: HANDS OF FATE. These are the people who love bad shot-on-video movies from back in the days of VCRs and camcorders.

Yes, I'm talking about the obscure, murky, mind-numbing video relics of which our subject for today, FRANKY AND HIS PALS (Intervision, 1991), is a prime example. For most people, trying to watch such barrel-scraping stuff would be an insufferable ordeal. For others, it's a special kind of fun that can't really be logically explained.

Suffice it to say, this story of five "classic" monsters (more or less) who happen upon a treasure map and then try to find a cache of hidden gold, is only as good as you imagine it to be. If this is your cup of weak tea, you'll have a ball. If not, you may have a cow just trying to get away from it.

It all begins with the monsters, who have been trapped in a cave for years by a landslide, escaping thanks to the extreme flatulence of gassy monster Franky blowing a boulder away from the entrance.

The others include Drak, Wolfie, Mummy and the parasitic smart-aleck reptile who lives in his tummy, and Humper the lecherous hunchback.  If Drak sounds familiar to you, it's because the actor playing him seems to be attempting to channel Christopher Lloyd. (A helpful disclaimer during the closing credits assures us that "celebrity voice are simulated.")

When Humper produces the treasure map during a poker game, they set off on foot for the small backwoods town where the hotel containing the gold is located. Here, they search for the hidden riches under tables, in books, behind shelves--wherever a fortune in gold wouldn't be in a million years--while a costume party-slash-dance taking place in the hotel keeps them from attracting too much undue attention.

This sets up filmmaker Gerald Cormier (BARN OF THE NAKED DEAD) to give us a parade of bad jokes and vignettes that make "Hee Haw" look like A NIGHT AT THE OPERA. Humper makes good on his name by descending upon every female derriere in sight, while Wolfie hooks up with a gay guy in a tutu named Clover and Mummy can't get anywhere with the ladies because his scaly alter-ego keeps making offensive quips and getting him slapped.

Drak avails himself of an available neck here and there, delivering what is probably the movie's funniest line after one particularly good snack ("Mmm...type O, vintage '65. A very good year!") It all comes to an explosive finale when Franky discovers an entire pot of chili beans cooking on the stove and gulps them down.

The monster makeup is passable when the camera isn't too close to it. Performances are about as good as one might expect, while, surprisingly, the technical aspects actually display a certain rudimentary level of professionalism that lifts this effort above most other shot-on-video fare. 

Serving as backdrop during all the fart and pee-pee jokes, naughty sex scenes, and a climactic bikini contest are some of the worst rock and rap songs one could possibly hope to never hear. Somehow, though, it would spoil much of the fun if they were actually good.

Rounding things off are a peripheral subplot about a mad scientist with a time machine and a couple of black gravediggers whose dialogue is of the "Are you jivin' me?" variety.

The DVD from Intervision is in full frame with English captions. Extras include an interview with actor Eric "Big Franky" Weathersbee, an interview with actor/FX artist Keith "Humper" Lack, an interview with actor Shawn "Clover" West, interviews with members of the "Franky and His Pals" party band, and a "Radio Beach" music video by same.

A disclaimer informs us that the original materials have been lost, and that this DVD print comes from the only surviving element which is a commercial copy of the film. Thus, FRANKY AND HIS PALS looks exactly the way it should look--as though you'd just rented it on VHS from some hole-in-the-wall video store in 1991. I wouldn't have it any other way.


Limited Edition, Hand-Numbered DVD/Limited to 1000 Copies
 

FRANKY AND HIS PALS -- DVD Review by Porfle

HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

  Originally posted on 6/12/20

 

Poor Gary--just when he achieves every man's fondest fantasy (well, many of us, anyway) of being the only guy stranded in a remote location with a bevy of beautiful babes, he gets bitten by a big, hairy mutant arachnid and becomes one of the HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND (Severin Films, 1960).

These days a film like this German trash classic is usually described as "cheesy", which, admittedly, is rather apt since it's cheap, it's goofy, and it has all the dramatic gravitas of a dime-store sex and horror pulp novel come to sordid life.

It's main qualities are either pros or cons, depending on your point of view. Bad movie fans will love the dumb dialogue and situations, florid performances, and overheated plot that has its over-emoting cast either engaged in steamy sex clinches or running from hairy, fanged monsters through the jungle.  

 
The plane crash scene is especially amusing as it consists of stock footage of a burning plane intercut with random closeups of women screaming comically in front of a black background.

But it also has some nice black-and-white photography which at times is actually quite good, as well as actual outdoor locations and some very attractive actresses portraying the stranded women whose plane went down on its way to a gig in Singapore under the supervision of manly showbiz producer Gary (Alexander D’Arcy, THE AWFUL TRUTH, BLOOD OF DRACULA'S CASTLE) and his partner and romantic interest, Georgia (Helga Franck), a stern woman who isn't above bitch-slapping the more unruly gals when they step out of line.

Chief among these is the lush, plush blonde mega-babe Babs (Barbara Valentine, BERLIN ALEXANDERPLATZ), upon whom many male viewers will remain focused for most of her screen time. Others include the more emotionally vulnerable Gladys, the exhibitionist Linda who strips at the drop of a hat (or anything else), and several other attractive aspiring actresses. 

 
Alpha-blonde Babs and a contentious beta-babe engage in the film's central catfight scene which, in the unedited version, features a guest appearance by Babs' boobs. 

While stranded on the island they stay in the cozy cabin of a scientist whose dead body they discovered hanging in a giant spider web in the livingroom, and whose experiments with uranium created the monster spider that will bite poor Gary and turn him into sort of a clawed were-spider with a face even his mother would run screaming from.

The unfortunate Gary disappears for much of the film when a couple of other studly guys enter the picture in their motorboat and find themselves surrounded by amorous females. 

 
One of them, Bob (Reiner Brandt), is a womanizing letch who acts like a kid in a candy store, while the older, more mature Joe (Temple Foster) finds love with one of the less brazen beauties (during a night of drunken revelry for the rest of the gang which, in the uncut version, is also semi-naked) until their jungle meet-cute is interrupted by the return of slavering party-crasher Gary.

This leads to a lively, fun finale with everyone running around the jungle in terror, alternately chasing after and hightailing it away from their resident human-spider-monster as the film draws to a satisfying close for those brave souls who've actually stayed with it all the way.

Severin Films' Blu-ray edition of the film, "scanned from the Düsseldorf dupe negative", looks great all things considered and is likely the best-looking version of the film currently extant. The disc also contains the alternate U.S. version which is dubbed in English and minus the nudity (released in 1963 as "It's Hot In Paradise" although I've only ever known it under its current title). 

 
Bonus features include the featurette "The History of Spider Island" with film historian Prof. Dr. Marcus Stiglegger, an audio interview with actor Alexander D’Arcy ("Gary") by horror historian David Del Valle, alternate "clothed" scenes from the U.S. version, a trailer, reversible box artwork, and a slipcover with yet more different artwork.

There are two kinds of people in the world--those who will find HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND to be unwatchable, unredeemable trash that they wouldn't touch with ten-foot eyeballs, and those who will savor every single minute of it. I'm a happy member of the second group, and if you are too, then I'll meet you on Spider Island!


Buy it from Severin Films

Special Features:

    Alternate US Release Version: IT’S HOT IN PARADISE
    The History of Spider Island With Prof. Dr. Marcus Stiglegger
    Audio Interview with Actor Alexander D’Arcy by Horror Historian David Del Valle
    Alternate Clothed Scenes
    Trailer
    Revisable Artwork
    Comic Book [WEBSTORE EXCLUSIVE]

 Box art:

Reversible box art:

HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

HOWARD LOVECRAFT AND THE FROZEN KINGDOM -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 9/6/16

 

I've read just enough of legendary horror-fantasy author H.P. Lovecraft's work and seen enough film adaptations of it--which vary wildly in tone, faithfulness, overall quality, and just about everything else--to find the prospect of a CGI-animated adventure starring Lovecraft as a small boy in a dark, monstrous world of his own future imagining to be rather irresistible.

As it turns out, HOWARD LOVECRAFT AND THE FROZEN KINGDOM (2016), based on Arcana's graphic novel of the same name, may not be the greatest CGI cartoon you'll ever see, but it does yield more than sufficient rewards for fans of Gothic horror, particularly if they're either very young or, as in my case, young at heart.   (Not to mention just a tad twisted.)

The richly Gothic atmosphere is thick as molasses from frame one as we visit Lovecraft's boyhood home, which would suit the Addams Family just fine, and then accompany young Howard and his mother to visit his father Winfield Lovecraft at the Arkham-like asylum where he's under the care of a sinister-looking Dr. West (Christopher Plummer, BARRYMORE). 

It's here that the crazed Winfield first tells Howard of dark kingdoms and mystical runes and evil creatures, among other scary things, which the boy will later experience firsthand after his mother gives him Winfield's journal to read before bed. 

As this book happens to be volume one of the Necronomicon itself, Howard inadvertently opens up a portal to another dimension in which he finds himself wandering through a vast frozen land, beset by all manner of surreal and sometimes hostile creatures as he tries to find his way back home. 

This quest resembles a cross between "The Wizard of Oz" and a Tim Burton rarebit dream as Howard first encounters a huge and initially hostile tentacled beast with wings who calls himself Thu Thu Hmong (Howard simplifies this to "Spot") with whom he becomes fast friends, and then spends a charming evening in the home of four winsome squid-kid orphans who share a nice cold meal that tastes best when it's squirming.

 

He and Spot then make their way to the castle of Her Highness Algid Bunk (original "Saturday Night Live" castmember Jane Curtin) and her spectral companion Nyarlathotep (Doug Bradley, HELLRAISER, SCREAM PARK) to ask for help. 

The boy is instructed to first journey to a remote mountain cave to recover another volume of the Necronomicon from the dreaded Shoggoth (Ron Perlman, HELLBOY, MUTANT CHRONICLES), one of author Lovecraft's more fearsome creations, so that the icy curse upon her kingdom can be lifted. 

This leads to the film's big finale, a thrilling free-for-all battle between good and evil with Howard and his friends beset by night-gaunts, govlins, and other Lovecraft creatures--including an appearance by none other than Cthulu himself--which is excitingly staged within Algid's lofty palace by writer-director Sean Patrick O'Reilly (PIXIES), who has ardently worked as much fan-pleasing Lovecraftian arcana into the script as possible.

The character renderings and animation are very well done (like a Viewmaster reel come to life) and the settings intensely atmospheric.  The script, for the most part, manages to maintain just the right balance between kid-friendly spook stuff and elements that are pretty much as dark and morbid as one might expect this material to get. 

The 2-disc set from Shout! Factory (which features a lovely reversible cover insert) includes both the Blu-ray and DVD discs along with a code for downloading a digital copy. The feature is in 1.78:1 widescreen with 5.1 audio and stereo, and English subtitles.  Extras include a substantial behind-the-scenes featurette, a trailer, and a chatty, informative director's commentary that I found quite enjoyable.

I'm not sure how well the average dyed-in-the-wool Lovecraft purist will receive HOWARD LOVECRAFT AND THE FROZEN KINGDOM but I can't imagine anyone with an inner "Monster Kid" not getting a kick out of it.  One thing's for sure--any day you watch it will feel like Halloween.

HOWARD LOVECRAFT AND THE FROZEN KINGDOM -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

All The Colossal Beast Scenes In "War Of The Colossal Beast" (1958) (video)

Joyce Manning (Sally Fraser) searches for her brother, Glenn...

...who has been transformed by radiation into a giant monster.

The film was produced and directed by Bert I. Gordon.
Gordon specialized in sci-fi thrillers featuring giant people and animals.

Some of his other films include "Attack of the Puppet People"...
..."Village of the Giants", "The Spider", and "Food of the Gods."

This film is a follow-up to "The Amazing Colossal Man" (1957)...
...in which Glenn Manning was played by Glenn Langan.

Langan was replaced by Dean Parkin for this sequel.
Parkin played a similar monster in Gordon's 1957 film "The Cyclops."

The film's finale takes place at Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles...
...which was featured three years earlier in "Rebel Without A Cause."

Sally Fraser can also be seen in "It Conquered the World"...
..."The Spider", "North By Northwest", and "Elmer Gantry."
Her television credits are extensive. She died in January 2019.

The final sequence of the film is in color.

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

All The Colossal Beast Scenes In "War Of The Colossal Beast" (1958) (video)