A CINDERELLA STORY: CHRISTMAS WISH -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

(Warner Bros. Home Entertainment provided me with a free copy of the Blu-ray I reviewed in this blog post. The opinions I share are my own.)


Originally posted on 10/25/19

 

Much of the success of a "Cinderella" story depends on how much we hate her wicked stepmother and two wicked stepsisters, while at the same time finding them perversely funny. We also have to like the title character enough to root for her to win out over those three harpies and find true love with her Prince Charming.

In that, 2019's A CINDERELLA STORY: CHRISTMAS WISH (Warner Bros. Home Entertainment) fills in the blanks quite nicely, with Johannah Newmarch (POLARIS, "Stargate: SG-1") as stepmother Deirdre Decker, along with Lillian Doucet-Roche and Chanelle Peloso as the jarringly misnamed stepsisters Joy and Grace, horrify us with their selfishness, vanity, and deviousness yet still delight with their comically overdrawn characters and addlebrained bungling.

As Kat Decker, Laura Marano ("Austin & Ally", SAVING ZOE) fills the "Cinderella" role likably enough, going about the thankless task of waiting hand and foot on her step-monsters while holding down a job as a performing elf at Santa Land, all the while keeping as cheerful and upbeat as possible as she dreams of someday becoming a famous singer and performing her own songs for an adoring public.

Romance is another concern, one which is hampered by her becoming an object of internet ridicule when Joy posts a video in her vlog of Kat making a clumsy fool of herself in front of the town's most eligible bachelor, the handsome and charming Dominic Wintergarden (Gregg Sulkin, "Runaways").

As fate would have it, Dominic plays Santa at the store where Kat works, but she doesn't know it's him because he never takes off his beard at work. 

Naturally, they fall in love for all the right reasons, and as we can all guess by now Kat will get invited to a big gala thrown by Dominic's billionaire dad. But as we can also surmise, wicked stepmother finds a way to steal Kat's invitation and crash the party along with Joy and Grace, who all have designs on snaring one of the Wintergarden men as their own. 

All of this is about as lightweight and breezy as can be, and just as easy to take if one's expectations are no higher than your average teen or tween looking for something fun and vaguely identifiable to watch.

The movie looks bright and colorful, the leads are attractive and chipper, and the baddies are cartoonishly evil. (In my case, it helps that one of the wicked stepsisters resembles Miley Cyrus.)

With the help of Kat's devoted best friend Isla (Isabella Gomez, "One Day At a Time"), who assumes the "Fairy Godmother" role by making a beautiful gown for the gala and encouraging Kat every step of the way, our "Cinderella" gets her big chance for happiness when she ends up singing one of her own compositions for the high-tone audience.

Music plays a major role throughout the rest of the story as well, with Laura Marano and fellow castmembers performing a series of heavily-autotuned pop songs which, while totally forgettable, at least keep things bouncing along pleasantly enough.

Director and co-writer Michelle Johnston, an actress and dancer in such films as A CHORUS LINE and CHICAGO, ably follows up her 2016 effort entitled "A Cinderella Story: If the Shoe Fits."

The 2-disc set from Warner Bros. Home Entertainment contains both the Blu-ray and DVD versions of the movie plus a code for digital download. Extras consist of two featurettes, "The Look and Costumes of 'A Christmas Wish'" and "The Mic and The Stage", as well as trailers for other releases.

As teen-oriented musical rom-coms go, this one is about as wispy as cotton candy but equally sweet and easy to swallow.  A CINDERELLA STORY: CHRISTMAS WISH does what it aims to do: make us root for "Cinderella", hate her wicked step-harpies (while laughing at them), and feel good when "Prince Charming" sweeps her off her feet.



#CinderellaChristmas

Region: Region A/1 (Read more about DVD/Blu-ray formats.)
Number of discs: 2
Rated:PG/Parental Guidance Suggested
Studio: Warner Brothers
DVD Release Date: October 29, 2019
Run Time: 93 minutes


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A CINDERELLA STORY: CHRISTMAS WISH -- Blu-ray/DVD Review by Porfle

NUTCRACKER, THE MOTION PICTURE -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/14/17

 

I don't remember ever sitting down and watching a production of Tchaikovsky’s classic musical fantasy (derived from the E.T.A. Hoffmann story “The Nutcracker and the Mouse King”) all the way through, so I was surprised to find that the 1986 screen adaptation, NUTCRACKER, THE MOTION PICTURE (Olive Films), is a lot less Christmassy than I imagined. 

It's also less skillfully rendered than I expected from director Carroll Ballard, who gave us the exquisite THE BLACK STALLION as well as NEVER CRY WOLF.  I think this is because Ballard excelled at more natural, realistic storytelling (albeit through a beautifully artistic eye) and was out of his element taking on a stagey ballet with an almost non-linear storyline that's told through music and dance.

He made a sort of metaphorical dance out of the boy and the horse getting to know and love each other in THE BLACK STALLION, and it was beautiful. Here, he's a bit at a loss as to how to shoot literal dance sequences, often editing a bunch of tight shots together in rapid succession to convey movement but losing the effect of the group choreography in doing so.

These sequences are at their best during the moments when Ballard pulls back and gives us a nice, wide master shot of the dancers doing their thing. Yet this is where his talent as a visual film artist is least utilized and the film is at its most stagey and uncinematic.  Throughout NUTCRACKER, THE MOTION PICTURE this uneasy juxtaposition of the cinematic and the theatrical seldom makes for a pleasing blend.

Indeed, I often found myself zoning out and simply enjoying Tchaikovsky’s brilliant music, rendered beautifully by the London Symphony Orchestra, as the images played out before me.  I found myself recognizing most of these oft-heard musical themes and savoring each one anew, gifts of the composer's genius that keep on giving across the centuries.

The story proper concerns a young girl named Clara (Vanessa Sharp) attending her parents' opulent Christmas party and hoping that finally this year she'll be old enough to join in the dance.  She especially looks forward to seeing her extremely eccentric godfather Herr Drosselmeier (Hugh Bigney), a clockmaker who never fails to bring the most special, magical gifts that he has fashioned himself.

This year Drosselmeier has outdone himself by building a toy castle in which one might actually see tiny figures dancing inside.  As an older Clara tells us in voiceover, he has a tendency to invade her dreams somehow, turning them into frightening but strangely wonderful nightmares.  This night is no different, and Clara's dream sleep becomes a wondrous journey through the magic castle and then into exotic foreign lands with the handsome Nutcracker Prince (Wade Walthall).

The opening act of the film contains the only real Christmas atmosphere, the rest being Clara's frightening encounter with some toy figures come to overgrown life (including production designer Maurice Sendak's grotesque animal creations) and then the balletic adventures of Clara's grown-up fantasy self, played by lissome ballet dancer Patricia Barker, in a sort of "Arabian Nights" world with Drosselmeier as an evil sheik or something. 

Barker bears a close resemblance to the younger Clara and is a pleasing surrogate figure with ample balletic skills.  It's nice watching her and the Nutcracker Prince during their elegant specialty numbers as well as a "snowflake" dance by members of the Pacific Northwest Ballet.

I prefer these moments to the more chaotic ones with too many toy soldiers, anthropomorphic animals, and other characters leaping about in a confusing blur of closeups and rapid editing.  The story finally comes to a climax of sorts (including a noticeably bad flying effect) which I actually found rather intriguing--it really does end the way nightmares often do, and Clara, awaking with a start, seems well pleased by her odd godfather's most unusual gift.

NUTCRACKER, THE MOTION PICTURE will please fans of Tchaikovsky’s gorgeous music even if they only listen to it. Those who look at it as well may find the images to be as much a mixed bag as the one from which Herr Drosselmeier produces his eclectic array of homemade Christmas gifts.  Try as he might, director Ballard just never quite gets a handle on this one. 



YEAR: 1986
GENRE: DANCE
LANGUAGE: ENGLISH (with optional English subtitles)
LABEL: OLIVE FILMS
TOTAL RUNNING TIME: 86 mins
RATING: G
VIDEO: 1.85:1 Aspect Ratio; COLOR
AUDIO: STEREO

NUTCRACKER, THE MOTION PICTURE -- DVD Review by Porfle

COOPERS' CHRISTMAS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/14/10

 

This movie used to be called COOPERS' CAMERA until somebody realized that it's kind of dumb to make a Christmas movie with absolutely no reference to Christmas in the title.  So they renamed it COOPERS' CHRISTMAS (2008) and stressed the fact that it stars Jason Jones and Samantha Bee of "The Daily Show", which I've never watched.  At first, I was wishing I didn't have to watch this movie, either, but little by little the darn thing just grew on me.  Like a fungus.

To say that COOPERS' CHRISTMAS is low-class would be a gross understatement.  If you're expecting that odd mixture of warmth and irreverence that makes NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION a perennial family favorite, think again--this movie isn't aiming for that at all.  Instead, it dispenses with any attempts at "warmth" and zeroes in on the awkward, uncomfortable, increasingly grotesque, and ultimately nightmarish experience of being in claustrophobic quarters with a family so dysfunctional it's amazing they can stand to be in the same house with each other. 

The idea here is that back in 1985, the Cooper family patriarch, Gord (Jones) has obtained a newfangled video camera from their sex-maniac neighbor, Bill Davidson (Dave Foley), in lieu of the $2,000 Bill owes him--money which Gord's pregnant wife, Nancy (Bee) was counting on for their big vacation at Orlando's Disney World.  As the festive occasion steadily deteriorates into an ordeal of disillusionment and chaos, youngest son Teddy (Nick McKinlay) uses the new video camera to record every ugly development.
 

 

Jayne Eastwood is hideously funny as Nancy's chain-smoking mother Nana, who insists that everyone eat mushrooms on toast for breakfast because it's an "old country" tradition.  Older son Marcus (Dylan Everett) is the ultimate nerd, throwing a fit because Dad has given him cheap imitations of the Star Wars toys he wanted for Christmas (such as a crappy Mr. Potato Head plush doll that's supposed to be Jabba the Hut) in addition to a new snow shovel and a stocking full of rock salt.  "Marcus, you're 17 years old," Gord reasons with him later.  "I think it's time you learned the truth about Santa.  He don't always bring you what you want."

Things get worse as the house fills up with relatives.  Gord's brother-in-law Nick (Mike Beaver, who co-wrote the script with Jones) is the ultimate booze-guzzling, un-PC-joke spewing, crude-as-hell middle-aged frat rat, whose idea of humor is to hump everything.  When Nancy's sisters show up, Aunt Bev's juvenile delinquent son Wayne steals Gord's car and Aunt Joan's gleefully insufferable little brat Dougie roundhouse-punches Gord right in the balls, eliciting my second genuine belly laugh of the movie.  Poppy, Nana's feeble, estranged husband, also gets groin-punched by Dougie as he sits in his wheelchair, prompting a frantic trip to the hospital.

The worst is yet to come, however, with the appearance of Gord's brother Tim, whom he hasn't spoken to in 17 years since Tim got overly "familiar" with Nancy on their wedding night while Gord lay passed out.  Worldly travel agent Tim is a real smoothie who wins over all the ladies with his charm and immediately starts putting the moves on Nancy again, eventually wearing down the frustrated housewife's defenses.  This leads to a showdown between the brothers that grows to outlandish proportions.

Personal revelations begin to emerge--Gord's sons learn disturbing new things about their parentage, the already-insecure Marcus discovers that he might not even be 100% male, and Gord reveals a sexual hang-up that even prompts Nick to flee in disgust.  At one point, Gord gets to have a tearfully heartfelt reconciliation scene with Nancy that's so mock-maudlin that I was impressed by the film's unapologetic emotional insincerity.


 

Unlike Chevy Chase's likable, well-meaning Clark Griswold, Gord is a crude, childish, insensitive jerk who makes Homer Simpson look like Cary Grant.  Gord and Nick are all over this movie like two Neanderthals in heat as they inhale increasing quantities of "Christmas cheer" and act out their most childish impulses while Gord's family situation falls to pieces around him.  Before it's all over, Gord will lock everyone out of the house in the freezing cold and drunkenly lay waste to Christmas dinner, thoughtfully shoving some turkey under Nana's door for when she wakes up.

Director Warren P. Sonoda pulls off the idea of having everything occur through the lens of a video camera pretty well, even though the performances aren't always strictly "real-life" convincing.  The script never slows down, constantly moving from one lowbrow gag to the next and throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks. 

The period humor is fun--Teddy remarks about how small the bulky video camera is, and while discussing Gord's impotence Nick jokes that someday doctors might invent some kind of "penis pill" to enhance virility. Even when it isn't funny, COOPERS' CHRISTMAS is trainwreck-interesting to watch once you become accustomed to where it's coming from.  And every five minutes or so something happens that is genuinely laugh-out-loud funny.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen and Dolby Digital 5.1 sound, with English subtitles.  Extras include a director and producer commentary, a behind-the-scenes featurette, and a trailer.

COOPERS' CHRISTMAS just might become a holiday tradition for those who find the adventures of Clark Griswold and his family too highbrow and sophisticated.  I don't think it'll ever replace A CHRISTMAS STORY as the popular family favorite, though, unless your idea of family entertainment is seeing Dave Foley's cottage-cheese buttcheeks or watching Jason Jones pound one out on the john. 
 

COOPERS' CHRISTMAS -- DVD Review by Porfle

RED CHRISTMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/24/17

 

A movie that might also have been called "When Abortions Attack!", RED CHRISTMAS (Artsploitation Films, 2016) is a pretty effective cautionary tale about what can happen if your viable aborted fetus is rescued by the guy who's about to blow up the abortion clinic, grows up into a twisted, deformed freak, and then returns as an adult on Christmas Day to wreak bloody revenge on his erstwhile mother and her comically dysfunctional family. 

Of course, any such film must star beloved genre queen Dee Wallace as the mom, who so desperately wants a traditional, happy family get-together despite having a woefully untraditional, unhappy family with absolutely no intention of getting together.  Her only solace is son Jerry (Gerard Odwyer), whose Downs Syndrome only makes him more special in Mommy's heart.

The rest of the clan includes the rebellious teen girl, her witheringly cynical and very, very pregnant older sister, the ultra-religious sister whose husband is a pious man of the cloth, and Mom's old-hippie brother who is forever puffing away on his medicinal marijuana. 

The prickly interactions amongst this motley bunch, spurred by various family issues and clashing personalities, would be sufficient for a twisted "Big Chill" sort of ensemble dramedy were it not for the fact that their ritual of exchanging gifts around the Christmas tree is interrupted by the entrance of one Cletus, an extremely creepy figure robed in black and wrapped from head to toe like a leper. 

Anyone who watches the abortion clinic prologue and then gets a load of Cletus should have very little trouble putting two and two together as well as mentally mapping out pretty much what territory the rest of RED CHRISTMAS is going to cover. 

All that's left to discover is who's gonna die in what order, how (and how bad) it's going to be, and whether or not first-time writer-director Craig Anderson will be able to make it entertaining for us jaded old slasher-flick junkies. 

Of course, the movie has already proven itself absorbing and fun thanks to good dialogue and performances and a pleasing overall look which includes nicely creative use of color and camera movement. 

Once the axe hits the skull and Cletus starts racking up his body count, the story goes into high gear and keeps us on our toes even though most of the plot's twists and turns cover pretty familiar ground. 

Granted, things start to lag a bit in the second half, but remain generally engaging enough to keep us wanting to see what happens next.  The kills range from teasing glimpses to graphic gore (although this isn't really a gorehound's dream) while our fleeting glimpse of Cletus sans facial bandages drives home the pleasingly retro nature of the film's practical effects. 

The tone is mock serious, with any humor that's inherent in the script kept utterly deadpan and never overt, which I like.  I also like the fact that the premise is so refreshingly different from the usual teens-in-a-cabin or campers-in-the-woods slasher fare while retaining the better elements of such films.

Mainly, though, RED CHRISTMAS lets us enjoy watching the wonderful Dee Wallace giving her all in a great role while fun and entertaining murder, mayhem, and carnage ensue all around her.  It's enough to give horror fans a little taste of Christmas right here in the middle of August.



August 25th Theatrical Release:
Laemmle Music Hall 3
9036 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills, CA 90211

Red Christmas: English / Australia / 82 minutes

RED CHRISTMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE MERRY GENTLEMAN -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 12/6/16

 

Kate Frazier has an abusive husband, so she runs away to find a new life in another city.  She meets a man named Frank who, although quietly enigmatic, seems very nice.  Trouble is, Frank is a suicidal hitman whose next victim just might be himself.  And yes, Kate really knows how to pick 'em.

In Michael Keaton's 2009 directorial debut THE MERRY GENTLEMAN (Breaking Glass Pictures), Kelly Macdonald (TRAINSPOTTING, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN) is appealing as Kate, who's quite likable herself and makes friends easily in her new office job.  When someone in her building is killed by a sniper (guess who), the investigating cop, Detective Dave Murcheson (Tom Bastounes), is smitten with Kate himself after questioning her about a man she saw teetering on the ledge of the building across the way. 

The man was our own suicidal Frank, who fell back out of danger when she screamed.  Grateful, Frank manages to meet Kate (they have a cute Christmas tree interlude) and they become friends.  It's the old story of two unlikely people reaching out to each other in a time of need.  And Kate's need grows even more urgent when her husband Michael (Bobby Cannavale, ANT MAN, 10 ITEMS OR LESS) tracks her down and shows up in her apartment, claiming to have been "born again."

Since we don't know if Michael's really a changed man or not, and we really kind of doubt it--as does Kate--this is where we think, "Hmm...good time for Kate to have a new best friend who's a professional hitman."  I wouldn't dream of giving away what happens next, but that's pretty much the set-up, and it's an intriguing one.

Keaton, of course, plays one of those palatable "movie" hitmen who, unlike their counterparts in real life who are nothing more or less than the absolute scum of the earth, we can actually like and identify with.  This nattily-dressed "gentleman" is even so thoughtful that he stops to set right a nativity figure that's fallen down.

Frank has developed a sour stomach for the job and his heart just isn't in it anymore.  So we pretty much buy that he can actually have a sweetly platonic relationship with an emotionally needy woman, especially since this relationship is plausibly simple and avoids getting overly cute.  (With the possible exception of the Christmas tree interlude.)

Michael Keaton, who, of course, we know and love from BATMAN, BEETLEJUICE, NIGHT SHIFT, and MR. MOM, among other things, plays Frank with remarkable restraint and doesn't veer too far into false sentiment to make him more likable.  His scenes with Kelly Macdonald also never try too hard to push our "aww" buttons. 

In fact, THE MERRY GENTLEMAN is so low-key and restrained overall that it barely tries to evoke much in the way of strong feeling from us at all.  It pretty much just shows us stuff happening in a very matter-of-fact way as we watch helplessly. 

Kate and Frank's oddball mutual attraction, Detective Murcheson's sudden infatuation with Kate and clumsy attempts to court her, the complications that ensue when Michael reappears--it all plays itself out with much the same sort of narrative detachment as THE BICYCLE THIEF.

As a director, Keaton lets it all unfold with a slowburn pace, which suits his non-sensationalistic handling of this material well.  He has a very neat visual style that I found quite pleasing, with the same taste and restraint that he applies to the story itself.

If you're looking for gritty cop-noir or tense action, this isn't going to ring your chimes.  More than anything, THE MERRY GENTLEMAN is a character study, albeit a decidedly unusual one, and goes for subtle emotional responses rather than exploiting the subject matter for suspense or thrills.  As such, I found this thoughtful, melancholy mood piece well worth devoting some time to.

THE MERRY GENTLEMAN -- Movie Review by Porfle