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Tuesday, September 22, 2020

CRUEL JAWS -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle


Bruno Mattei's work as a director ran hot and cold, but oddly enough, he was at his hottest when his work was at its worst and most derivative (as in SHOCKING DARK and VIOLENCE IN A WOMEN'S PRISON) because that's when it was the most perversely entertaining.

Whether CRUEL JAWS (Severin Films, 1995) reaches that degree of cinematic heat is up to the viewer whose interests lie in movies that are so bad they're good.  This blatant rip-off of JAWS (and elements of its various sequels and other rip-offs) is loaded with badness to spare, yet even this doesn't always get us through several of the just-plain-boring stretches.

The story concerns an oceanographer named David (David Luther) who arrives at the oceanfront marine park of his friend Dag (Sky Palma) just in time to find out that (1) there's a killer shark on the loose and (2) Dag's about to lose his lease to evil landlord Samuel Lewis (George Barnes), who wants to build a new hotel on the property, unless he can come up with a chunk of cash in 30 days.

This leads to one of the film's major setpieces, a windsurfing race with a fat prize that will pit Dag's son Bob against Lewis' son Ronnie, who, incidentally, is the overprotective brother of Bob's girlfriend Glenda.

As you might guess, the race becomes a shark smorgasboard with plenty of screaming and panicking as the shark enjoys the equivalent of a human sushi platter. Not only does the famished fish eat everyone in sight, but he manages to chomp his way through most of the boats in the vicinity as well.

Later, of course, the brave good-guy shark hunters set off aboard their hardy vessel but this time with competition from the bad guys who, as per Peter Benchley's crummy original shark novel, have mob connections interested in the town's real estate. 

Another boatload of youths in pursuit of the shark (with pump shotguns, no less!) muck the whole thing up so badly that they provide the film with one of its most wonderfully explosive moments in which a sizable number of supporting characters blow themselves into fried chum chunks.

While all this is going on, Mattei (under the pseudonym "William Snyder") is having a field day cooking up bad reenactments of scenes from the JAWS franchise with the greedy businessman wanting to keep the beaches open, the frantic sheriff trying to close them, and young people serving themselves up as shark chow while cavorting around in bikinis, having romantic complications, and spouting some of the worst dialogue to ever bend your unsuspecting eardrums.

As for the shark effects, Mattei (who also gave us such films as ROBOWARS and ISLAND OF THE LIVING DEAD) uses a heap of stock footage of live sharks, some of which is pretty well integrated, along with a surprisingly good giant shark head that pops out of the water and often has one of the less fortunate characters hanging out of its mouth. 

The Blu-ray from Severin Films contains an unreleased Japanese extended cut (known as "The Snyder Cut") in its entirety. Extras also include "The Great White Way: A Study In Sharksploitation With Rebekah McKendry", "These Things Got Made!: Interview With Actor Jay Colligan", and the film's trailer.

It all builds to a rather bland finish, with Spielberg's reputation as the number one purveyor of shark-movie suspense and excitement remaining comfortably secure.  But while film fans who strictly limit themselves to "good" movies will find this one easy to avoid, those who love to settle in for a session of mind-warping badness will endure the slower scenes in CRUEL JAWS just to savor its tastier tidbits.

Buy it at Severin Films

Special Features:

    The Snyder Cut – Unreleased Japanese Extended Cut
    The Great White Way – A Study in Sharksploitation with Rebekah McKendry
    These Things Got Made! – Interview with Actor Jay Colligan


"CHOP CHOP" Serves Up a Nightmare on VOD October 20 -- Watch the Trailer HERE!


"Chop Chop" Invades Home Video for Halloween

Rony Patel's Debut Film Delivers a Delicious Terror

Rent or Buy on iTunes and Prime Video October 20th


Los Angeles, CA - Kamikaze Dogfight in partnership with Gravitas Ventures, a Red Arrow Studios company, has announced the Digital HD and Cable VOD launch of Rony Patel's debut slasher Chop Chop.  An ordinary pizza delivery leads to a night of chaos when a murderous psychopath targets a young couple who might be harboring a secret of their own.  Chop Chop will be available to rent or own October 20th on Amazon, iTunes, Comcast, Spectrum, Vudu and more.

Atala Arce and Jake Taylor star as the young couple whose attack by a murdering psychopath is only the beginning of a very dangerous night.  Chop Chop was directed and produced by Rony Patel, from a script he co-wrote with Andrew Ericksen.


"We are so proud to be launching Rony's debut feature.  It's exactly the kind of energy, style and storytelling that Kamikaze fans will appreciate and want to see more of," said Andrew van den Houten, partner at Kamikaze Dogfight.

"Our team is always excited when Andrew and Han identify budding genre filmmakers. That excitement is certainly stoked with Chop Chop and we are happy to launch Rony Patel into the fray," said Gravitas Ventures Acquisition Manager Nick Royak.

An innocent night between a young couple takes a bizarre turn when a psychotic serial killer comes knocking at the door. As the couple starts to fend for their lives, we soon learn there might be more to the lovers than meets the eye. A long fight for survival leads them into a series of unsettling encounters within the criminal underworld.


Preorder Chop Chop on iTunes

Chop Chop: USA / 81 min / English


Great 3 Stooges Running Gag: "Splashed Through a Porthole" (video)


A stooge approaches a porthole on a ship under direction to look for land, or just to catch a breath of fresh air.

After opening the porthole, the stooge gets a faceful of seawater when he tries to look out.

He closes the porthole, then gets under it, opens it again and tries to peek out the opening, yet again being splashed.

This interaction continues until the stooge gets a faceful of mud.



I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!


Monday, September 21, 2020

"ALL ROADS TO PEARLA" Starring Alex MacNicoll, Addison Timlin, Corin Nemec, Nick Chinlund, Dash Mihok -- Watch The Trailer HERE!



In Theaters & On Demand on September 25th

Pre-Order Now!

Starring: Alex MacNicoll, Addison Timlin, Corin Nemec, Nick Chinlund, Dash Mihok

Written & Directed by: Van Ditthavong

Brandon Bell, a high school wrestler, wants to leave everything behind (including his abusive mother) but instead finds himself sinking down a deep rabbit hole. The story begins when a sheriff and his deputy stand over a dead body hit by a car.

As they stare perplexed at the corpse, the scene fades into present day where a series of seemingly unrelated events unfold: a lonely high school coach scolds his athletes for fighting, a prostitute steals from a Cowboy and sneaks out of a motel room, and the our protagonist, Brandon, breaks his arm during a wrestling meet.


Lives begin to intersect and unravel in surprising ways once Brandon encounters Pearla and her pimp Oz Bacco. As Brandon’s relationship with Pearla intensifies so does Oz’s propensity for violence and mayhem.

When Brandon agrees to drive Pearla to a friend’s house, things turn for the worst as she unintentionally draws him into murderous events surrounding the contents of a stolen bag.


Sunday, September 20, 2020

Great 3 Stooges Running Gag: "Filet Of Sole And Heel" (video)


The Stooges are cooking a boot and call it "Filet of Sole and Heel".

When the Stooges have to leave suddenly... Stooge puts the hot boot on and burns his foot.



I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!


Saturday, September 19, 2020

James D'Arcy Fights For His Family's Future in Sci-Fi Drama "LX 2048", Premiering 9/25 -- Watch Trailer HERE!


Time Runs Out for One Man and Mankind in "LX 2048"

Starring James D'Arcy, Anna Brewster, Delroy Lindo

Dystopian Near-Future Drama Premieres in Virtual Cinemas and North American VOD September 25th


Los Angeles, CA - Quiver Distribution, in a partnership with Chimera Pictures and Outta the Bloc, has announced the virtual theatrical and North American digital debut of writer/director Guy Moshe's LX 2048, a near-future dystopian drama about one father's search for a way forward for his family before his time runs out and a clone takes his place.  

LX 2048 will be available to rent or own September 25th on Amazon, iTunes, Comcast, Spectrum, Dish, DirecTV, Vudu and more in the US and Canada.


James D'Arcy (Dunkirk, "Broadchurch", Marvel's "Agent Carter") headlines the cast as a man who has resisted humanity's exodus to virtual reality.  With his death fast approaching and a clone ready to step in as husband and father, Adam struggles to find a way out of his situation, to protect his wife (Anna Brewster, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, "Versailles") and children.

 The cast is rounded out by frequent Spike Lee collaborator and Tony Award nominee Delroy Lindo (Malcolm X, Da 5 Bloods, "The Good Fight") and BAFTA winner Gina McKee ("Our Friends in the North", "The Borgias", Phantom Thread).

It is 2048.  Mankind has by now destroyed the ozone layer to such a degree that normal human beings cannot be out in daytime.  People spend their waking hours at night and almost everything is done inside the virtual realm.  

From work to school to socializing, most people just stay home and conduct their affairs from their Virtual Reality designated spaces.  Mental depression has become so prevalent that the entire population is required to take the state issued pill 001LithiumX.

In this new world order, Adam Bird is a rare breed.  Adam insists on waking up during the day.  He insists on leaving his house and going to work in a physical office.  He has 3 kids in a time when most people barely breed, and he adamantly refuses to take 001LithiumX, fighting to stay human in a world that is rapidly transforming into the artificial.

But things change when Adam discovers his heart is mysteriously failing.   With no possibility for an organ transplant, Adam is now scheduled to be replaced by a cloned upgrade - an improved version of himself that will be supplied to his estranged wife as part of the Premium 3 government insurance plan.  

Spiraling out of control, Adam starts living on borrowed time, seeking to find a solution before his replica will be sent to raise his kids and replace his existence across the board.

LX 2048: USA / 104 min / English


Friday, September 18, 2020

Great 3 Stooges Running Gag: "Watermelon Shoes" (video)


When the Stooges are being chased by somebody...

...the third Stooge jumps over something and lands on two watermelons, getting his feet stuck in them.

He has a hard time running afterwards with the "watermelon shoes", so he kicks his feet in the air...

and the watermelons fly in the air and hit somebody in the face.



I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!