MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/10/21

 

Currently watching: MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1967) starring Tommy Kirk and Yvonne Craig. As the sensationalistic title suggests, the plot hinges upon a group of five Martians on a mission to Earth, where they must choose prime female specimens to take back to their home planet in order to help replenish their dying race.

Tommy Kirk, who had played another Martian named Go-Go a few years earlier in the American-International teen comedy PAJAMA PARTY, stars as Dop, leader of the mission, who jeopardizes the whole thing by falling in love with his target, the lovely Dr. Marjorie Bolen, played by the lovely Yvonne Craig (TV's "Batgirl").

The film is produced, written, and directed by Texas-based filmmaker and former 20th-Century Fox bit player Larry Buchanan, who specialized in bringing in profitable made-for-TV movies on very low budgets via his production company Azalea Pictures. 

 

 

 
Some of his other films include such classic bad-movie fare as ZONTAR: THE THING FROM VENUS, CURSE OF THE SWAMP CREATURE, and IN THE YEAR 2889.

It was these films that first made me aware of the wonders of bad filmmaking as a kid, when even at a young age I recognized the cheapness and ineptitude of these films yet felt a strangely inexplicable fondness for them.

MARS NEEDS WOMEN continues the Azalea Pictures tradition of less is less, with extremely limited spaceship effects and alien costumes that consist of rubber scuba suits with little radios with antennae glued over the ears.  The Martians land (off-camera) in an abandoned refrigeration factory where their human female captives can be deep-frozen for the trip back to the red planet.

 

 

The rest of the film takes place in various locations in Houston and Dallas, including the Cotton Bowl (where one Martian chooses a beaming Homecoming queen as his kidnap victim), Love Field (where another Martian unceremoniously steals a car), and the Collins Radio Antenna Building which serves as a NASA decoding center where cryptic messages from Mars are translated into English.

The most interesting abduction, from my point of view anyway, is the one which takes place in a sleazy strip club where a performer billed in the credits as "Bubbles" Cash dances at length under the intense scrutiny of a lucky Martian.

Despite this, much of the film consists of boring characters having dull conversations in rooms, along with reams of military stock footage.  Things do pick up now and then, such as when one Martian obtains needed currency by robbing a filling station and another breaks into a men's apparel store to steal business suits in order to help the mission team blend in.

 

 

The scenes with Tommy Kirk and Yvonne Craig give the film its closest semblance to something worth watching, since both are professional enough to carry off their dialogue with some conviction as their characters gradually become infatuated with each other.

I like the scene where they visit a planetarium and, when the taped monologue about Mars malfunctions, Tommy amazes both Yvonne and a group of visiting school children with his impassioned soliloquy about his beloved home planet.

Technically, MARS NEEDS WOMEN fluctuates between bottom-rung TV episode production values and what could only be described as home-movie-level filming, with inferior dubbing and editing as well. 

 

Still, one must remember that Buchanan was bringing this movie in on a rock-bottom budget and, thus, succeeded in creating something both mildly watchable and ultimately profitable.

Despite a rather solemn air and not a trace of self-aware mockery, MARS NEEDS WOMEN is of interest solely for its amusing "so bad it's good" appeal to those who can actually find such a thing appealing.  Others will be baffled as to why anyone would stick around for more than a minute of it.

MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

IT'S A BIKINI WORLD (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/31/21

 

Currently rewatching: IT'S A BIKINI WORLD (1967), a late entry in the "beach party" genre and one of several imitations of the official American-International Pictures series with Frankie and Annette.

Already-established AIP beach movie stars Deborah Walley (BEACH BLANKET BINGO) and Tommy Kirk (PAJAMA PARTY) are the Frankie and Annette equivalents here, with Deborah playing independent girl Delilah hitting the beach for summer vacation, and Tommy as local lothario Mike, who takes one look and decides to add her to his stable of bikini babes.

Finding her less than receptive to his manly charms and overhearing her desire for a more intellectual type, Mike dons a pair of glasses and disguises himself as his imaginary nerdy twin brother Herbert. 

 

Delilah takes an instant liking to the mild-mannered bookworm and all is well...until, of course, Mike inevitably falls for Delilah and must figure out how to reveal his true identity to her.

The film begins with an awesome main titles sequence in which scenes of teens frolicking on the beach are freeze-framed and transformed into comic-book art. Production values are just a tad chintzier than the AIP's, but locations and photography are pretty much on par.

Energetic performances add to the film's breezy ambience, as does a sprightly Mike Curb score. (This, despite Walley and Kirk reportedly hating the film and considering it a low point in their careers.) The romantic complications are always played lightly and for laughs, and several colorful action scenes are brisk and fun.

 

 

These consist of a series of races held as publicity stunts by beatnik enterpreneur Daddy (the great Sid Haig channeling "Big Daddy" Roth) to promote his lines of brand-name surfboards, skateboards, and even race cars. Delilah, with training by Herbert, competes in each against the arrogant Mike, unaware that he and Herbert are one and the same.

This series of races keeps the film moving at a fast pace when not focusing on the odd love triangle between Delilah, Mike, and Herbert. There are also several scenes taking place in Daddy's monster-themed nightclub, complete with music by the likes of Eric Burdon and the Animals, The Toys, The Gentrys, and The Castaways.

Without an established cast of characters, we don't get the feeling of comradery that exists among the AIP beach party gang. In fact, the only other teen characters we meet are Mike's not-so-bright friend Woody (played amiably by "Monster Mash" legend Bobby "Boris" Pickett) and his girlfriend Pebbles (Suzie Kaye, WEST SIDE STORY, CLAMBAKE).

 

 

Popping up here and there in the cast are Jim Begg (THE GHOST AND MR. CHICKEN), Carolyn Brandt (RAT PFINK A BOO BOO), and Lori Williams of FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! fame.

Scenes from Roger Corman's AIP horror flick ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS also pop up during a movie theater scene (with Woody acting as the clueless third wheel during Herbert and Delilah's movie date) due to the fact that AIP picked this movie up for distribution from the smaller company Trans American Films.

Of note is the fact that this film eschews the official series' tendency toward total cartoony farce and surrealism, as well as characters suddenly breaking out into song.

 

 

It presents instead a more traditional sitcom-style comedy which, despite its exaggerated characters and situations, might actually take place in the real world.

Direction is capably handled by co-writer Stephanie Rothman, who would go on to helm such exploitation staples as THE STUDENT NURSES, TERMINAL ISLAND, and THE WORKING GIRLS.

Surprisingly fun for such a lightweight "beach party" clone, IT'S A BIKINI WORLD should satisfy those with a soft spot for the Frankie and Annette beach pictures which had pretty much run their course. While certainly a lesser effort, it's a pleasantly amusing diversion nevertheless.

IT'S A BIKINI WORLD (1967) -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI (1966) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/11/21

 

Currently watching: THE GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI (1966), the last American-International teen flick to bear even the slightest resemblance to the studio's original "Beach Party" series that began in 1963 and lasted until original stars Frankie and Annette had moved on to other things and only a few hardy supporting players and extras still remained.

For the first time, there's no reference whatsoever to the beach or surfing. In a repeat of the earlier PAJAMA PARTY, the action takes place in a large mansion (this time, it's the haunted hideaway of recently-deceased Hiram Stokely, played by a very aged Boris Karloff) and its swimming pool, giving the cast an excuse to cavort in bikinis and swim trunks and flail around to the music of a bland rock 'n' roll band, the Bobby Fuller Four.

Basil Rathbone (SON OF FRANKENSTEIN, "Sherlock Holmes" series) plays Hiram's crooked attorney, Reginald Ripper, who plans to eliminate the old man's heirs after they assemble for the reading of his will. They include beach-movie veterans Tommy Kirk and Deborah Walley, along with venerable comic actress Patsy Kelly as "Myrtle Forbush." 

 

Aiding in Ripper's deadly scheme is his cohort J. Sinister Hulk (Jesse "Maytag Repairman" White), along with series regular Bobbi Shaw and Benny Rubin as Princess Yolanda and Chief Chicken Feather. All three characters are holdovers from PAJAMA PARTY, although Rubin replaces an ailing Buster Keaton who originated the role.

Of course, Harvey Lembeck is on hand as motorcycle gang leader Eric Von Zipper, with his usual motley mob of sycophantic cycle stupes. This time, he falls in love with Princess Yolanda, thus giving the writers an excuse to have Von Zipper and crew scurrying around the mansion along with everyone else once the plot, as it is, finally goes into high gear.

When Myrtle's nephew Bobby (Aron Kincaid, whom I think of as "the male Joy Harmon") shows up with a double decker bus full of swinging teens who turn the mansion into party central, the search for Hiram's hidden fortune quickly becomes a frenetic free-for-all as the rightful heirs clash with Ripper's dastardly baddies and a gaggle of spooks and monsters have the freaked-out teens going ape.

 

This will lead to an extravagantly silly finale that's like a deluxe live-action episode of "Scooby-Doo", only dumber and less coherent as everyone runs screaming hither and yon throughout the mansion (finally ending up in old Hiram's ghastly torture chamber) while some of the hoariest gags and haunted house tropes imaginable are recycled by former Three Stooges writer Elwood Ullman, who co-wrote the script with beach-party regular Louis M. Heyward.

Amidst all this, the simple romantic subplot between Tommy Kirk and Deborah Walley is barely given a chance to develop. Meanwhile, Ripper's gorgeous but evil daughter Sinistra (Quinn O'Hara) directs all her considerable seductive powers toward eliminating Myrtle's nephew Bobby (I forgot why), a goal that's repeatedly thwarted by her extreme nearsightedness.

Also appearing in the film are Nancy Sinatra (who sings the wince-inducing "Geronimo"), a young Danny Thomas discovery named Piccola Pupa (who's cute but not much of a singer), famed gorilla suit actor George Burrows as "Monstro", and former silent film star Francis X. Bushman (BEN HUR), who joins the rest of the cast's rather impressive group of vintage stars having some late-career fun (we hope) in this bit of nonsense.

 

Not the least of these is the great Boris Karloff, whose scenes with gorgeous Susan Hart were added, according to Wikipedia, after AIP producers James H. Nicholson and Samuel Z. Arkoff were unhappy with the film and thought it needed improvement. In their framing scenes, Karloff, as Hiram Stokely, is awakened from death's slumber by the ghost of his dead wife Cecily (Hart) and told that they will be reunited in the afterlife if he performs one final good deed.

The result is Hart's character, clad in an "invisible bikini", being awkwardly inserted into already filmed scenes as a mischievous but helpful ghost, with cutaways to Karloff observing the action in his crystal ball and making various comments being fed to him from off-camera.

One of the film's best assets is its use of lavish sets that are obviously left over from other AIP productions. That, along with the interesting cast and an occasionally infectious sense of fun, are just about the only reasons to recommend THE GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI to all but the most diehard beach movie fans and lovers of bad movies in general.  As part of the latter group, I enjoyed it, but others may find it just shy of unwatchable.

THE GHOST IN THE INVISIBLE BIKINI (1966) -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE MISADVENTURES OF MERLIN JONES (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/11/21

 

 

Currently watching: THE MISADVENTURES OF MERLIN JONES (1964). I have a sneaking suspicion that I saw this at the theater or maybe on "The Wonderful World of Color" on TV as a kid but it has been lost in the hazy recesses of my memory.

All I remember is a fleeting image of Annette, and thinking that she must be just about the perfect girlfriend. Anyway, I'm counting this as a first watch.

This bright, colorful Disney comedy is the forerunner of a series of films about an egghead student at the fictional Medfield College whose wacky experiments end up giving him outrageous super-powers or otherwise causing comedic chaos in one way or another, often involving running afoul of rival students and/or gangster types.

 

 

The 1970s version would be Disney star Kurt Russell (yes, he used to be a chipper, clean-cut teen idol) as science major Dexter Riley, whose laboratory foul-ups would result in him gaining super strength, becoming invisible, and acquiring the brain of a human computer.

But in this mis-adventure that started it all, popular teen star Tommy Kirk plays science whiz Merlin Jones, resident genius who's only properly appreciated by his loyal girlfriend Annette (that isn't her name in the movie, but I don't care).

Merlin gets the plot ball rolling by accidentally short-circuiting himself into being able to read people's thoughts, which means trouble when he reads the mind of the judge (Leon Ames) who tried his traffic court case and finds out that the distinguished gentlemen is planning a nefarious diamond theft and a murder. 

 

 

This is enough to keep things hopping, and sorta amusing, for the first third or so of the movie, especially when Merlin ends up helping the police by using his mind-reading powers on a shifty suspect during a polygraph interrogation, and when he and Annette search the judge's home disguised as plumbers.

But then the whole mind-reading subplot is resolved and we discover that this is going to be a rather episodic story that will also find Merlin delving deeply into hypnotism, which he uses not only in an attempt to increase the intelligence of a lab chimp but also to find out if an honest man can be hypnotized into committing dishonest acts.

(During all of which he also has some ongoing problems with brawny campus bully Norman, as played by familiar character actor Norman Grabowski.)

To be honest, some of this overplotted stuff tends to get a tad tedious at times, especially since I have an aversion to chimps (the exception being "Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp" and Cheetah from the Johnny Weissmuller Tarzans). 

 

 

Fortunately, Tommy Kirk is at his awkward, boyishly likable best here, and Annette is just totally acing being Annette, which goes a long way toward increasing this film's watchability. No wonder American-International put them together in their teen "beach party" comedy PAJAMA PARTY the same year.

Director Robert Stevenson gives this enjoyable effort that same cheerful Disney quality which emanated from most of the studio's 1960s films, just as he did with the likes of MARY POPPINS, IN SEARCH OF THE CASTAWAYS, THAT DARN CAT!, THE LOVE BUG, this film's sequel THE MONKEY'S UNCLE, and many more. Stevenson works wonders with Disney's backlot in creating a pleasant smalltown atmosphere.

THE MISADVENTURES OF MERLIN JONES is hardly earthshaking, must-see entertainment, but for fans of early Disney, modest family comedies, and the two appealing stars, it's quite a pleasant way to pass some time. 

 

THE MISADVENTURES OF MERLIN JONES (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle