Originally posted on 6/12/20
Poor Gary--just when he achieves every man's fondest fantasy (well, many of us, anyway) of being the only guy stranded in a remote location with a bevy of beautiful babes, he gets bitten by a big, hairy mutant arachnid and becomes one of the HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND (Severin Films, 1960).
These days a film like this German trash classic is usually described as "cheesy", which, admittedly, is rather apt since it's cheap, it's goofy, and it has all the dramatic gravitas of a dime-store sex and horror pulp novel come to sordid life.
It's main qualities are either pros or cons, depending on your point of view. Bad movie fans will love the dumb dialogue and situations, florid performances, and overheated plot that has its over-emoting cast either engaged in steamy sex clinches or running from hairy, fanged monsters through the jungle.
The plane crash scene is especially amusing as it consists of stock footage of a burning plane intercut with random closeups of women screaming comically in front of a black background.
But it also has some nice black-and-white photography which at times is actually quite good, as well as actual outdoor locations and some very attractive actresses portraying the stranded women whose plane went down on its way to a gig in Singapore under the supervision of manly showbiz producer Gary (Alexander D’Arcy, THE AWFUL TRUTH, BLOOD OF DRACULA'S CASTLE) and his partner and romantic interest, Georgia (Helga Franck), a stern woman who isn't above bitch-slapping the more unruly gals when they step out of line.
Chief among these is the lush, plush blonde mega-babe Babs (Barbara Valentine, BERLIN ALEXANDERPLATZ), upon whom many male viewers will remain focused for most of her screen time. Others include the more emotionally vulnerable Gladys, the exhibitionist Linda who strips at the drop of a hat (or anything else), and several other attractive aspiring actresses.
Alpha-blonde Babs and a contentious beta-babe engage in the film's central catfight scene which, in the unedited version, features a guest appearance by Babs' boobs.
While stranded on the island they stay in the cozy cabin of a scientist whose dead body they discovered hanging in a giant spider web in the livingroom, and whose experiments with uranium created the monster spider that will bite poor Gary and turn him into sort of a clawed were-spider with a face even his mother would run screaming from.
The unfortunate Gary disappears for much of the film when a couple of other studly guys enter the picture in their motorboat and find themselves surrounded by amorous females.
One of them, Bob (Reiner Brandt), is a womanizing letch who acts like a kid in a candy store, while the older, more mature Joe (Temple Foster) finds love with one of the less brazen beauties (during a night of drunken revelry for the rest of the gang which, in the uncut version, is also semi-naked) until their jungle meet-cute is interrupted by the return of slavering party-crasher Gary.
This leads to a lively, fun finale with everyone running around the jungle in terror, alternately chasing after and hightailing it away from their resident human-spider-monster as the film draws to a satisfying close for those brave souls who've actually stayed with it all the way.
Severin Films' Blu-ray edition of the film, "scanned from the Düsseldorf dupe negative", looks great all things considered and is likely the best-looking version of the film currently extant. The disc also contains the alternate U.S. version which is dubbed in English and minus the nudity (released in 1963 as "It's Hot In Paradise" although I've only ever known it under its current title).
Bonus features include the featurette "The History of Spider Island" with film historian Prof. Dr. Marcus Stiglegger, an audio interview with actor Alexander D’Arcy ("Gary") by horror historian David Del Valle, alternate "clothed" scenes from the U.S. version, a trailer, reversible box artwork, and a slipcover with yet more different artwork.
There are two kinds of people in the world--those who will find HORRORS OF SPIDER ISLAND to be unwatchable, unredeemable trash that they wouldn't touch with ten-foot eyeballs, and those who will savor every single minute of it. I'm a happy member of the second group, and if you are too, then I'll meet you on Spider Island!
Buy it from Severin Films
Special Features:
Alternate US Release Version: IT’S HOT IN PARADISE
The History of Spider Island With Prof. Dr. Marcus Stiglegger
Audio Interview with Actor Alexander D’Arcy by Horror Historian David Del Valle
Alternate Clothed Scenes
Trailer
Revisable Artwork
Comic Book [WEBSTORE EXCLUSIVE]
Box art:
Reversible box art:
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