THE CARETAKER -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 9/28/16

 

Some horror movies seem to be able to look right into our minds and find exactly what flat-out scares us, and then they use that to turn us into shivering, quivering, gibbering blobs of giddy terror.  Others, unfortunately, don't seem to have a clue and simply throw everything but the kitchen sink at us in hopes that something scary will stick.

And then there are those fright flicks that traverse the middle ground between the two, occasionally causing a tingly chill up and down the spine but never quite hitting that elusive terror sweet spot within our delicate psyches.  THE CARETAKER (2016, Level 33) is like that, although not for lack of trying.  It's a respectable effort.

Sondra Blake, a familiar face for those of us who grew up watching TV in the 70s (in addition to being married to Robert Blake, she played Susan Atkins' cellmate in the TV-movie "Helter Skelter" among many other things), is a welcome presence as dotty old hag Birdy, who lives in a huge antique of a house and drives away every caretaker hired to watch over her.

Not only is Birdie stubbornly unwilling to take the meds that keep her psychoses at bay, but when she isn't behaving like an even nuttier version of Blanche DuBois from "A Streetcar Named Desire" she tends at times to be...well, scary.

The movie's first (effective) jump scare, in fact, is due to her, which finally drives away caretaker Gilberto and forces her granddaughter Mallorie (Meegan Warner, "TURN: Washington's Spies") to move back into the old house she grew up in (Birdie raised her from the age of four after her mother's mysterious disappearance) to take over as caretaker herself.

Mallorie's boyfriend August (Sean Martini) comes along for the ride--the occasional chance to ride Mallorie, that is--although he chafes at having to sleep on the dusty old couch.  They'll both get more than they bargained for when Birdy turns out to be not only more unmanageable than they imagined, but also displays a tendency toward witchery that lends a growing air of creepy foreboding to the proceedings.

As the two young people learn more and more about Birdie's past--such as being expelled from her position as a circus medium, of all things, for heresy--Mallorie starts sleepwalking and seeing things.  She also tells August of the time as a child when she was in the living room one dark night and thought she saw a clown standing in the corner.  Okay, end of movie--I'd be outta there faster than a McDonald's employee asks "Would you like fries with that?"

Sondra Blake is pretty effective throughout, but in a relatively subtle way--she never really lays it on as thick as I thought she eventually would, even when Birdie turns the tables on her caretakers and teeters off the deep end. 

In fact, the movie itself never quite goes for broke, content to maintain a decent level of interest with the mystery of what terrible things happened in the house back in Mallorie's unremembered past, what secrets are locked away in the old dark attic, and other stuff about spells and seances and such.

What's missing, ultimately, is the sense of genuine fear we anticipate and desire but which the film is never quite able to pull off.  The elements are all there for an experience similar to that of, say, THE OTHERS, a movie that chilled us to the bone because it knew just how to pull our strings.  Even the potential to capitalize big-time on the clownophobia most people suffer from these days goes largely unrealized. 

The story does make one last stops-out attempt to end things with a bang, or rather a scream, but even this final twist is merely noteworthy (in a "hmm, that's an interesting end to the story" kind of way) rather than chilling. 

Still, although I was totally unmoved by the 1980 ghost story THE CHANGELING, some of the guys I saw it with found it really disturbing.  Similarly, your mileage may vary with THE CARETAKER.  It does have a nice creepy atmosphere, good performances, a decent script and production values, and Sondra Blake, which I found enough for an enjoyable if mostly non-terrifying experience.

THE CARETAKER -- Movie Review by Porfle

RED VS. BLUE: THE CHORUS TRILOGY -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/27/16

 

If you ever got tired of actually playing a videogame and starting fooling around with it--that is, making up your own storylines and dialogue, having the characters engage in activities that they weren't originally designed for, etc.--then you'll most likely understand the appeal of the web series from Rooster Teeth entitled "Red vs. Blue." 

In this rollicking sci-fi/action adventure, the characters and settings from the popular HALO games are repurposed in a sweeping saga about heavily-armored soldiers in an interplanetary civil war who overcome their initial mistrust of one another in order to join forces against a common enemy. 

Rooster Teeth's 3-disc limited edition steelbook Blu-ray collection RED VS. BLUE: THE CHORUS TRILOGY contains seasons 11 through 13 of the long-running series, following the events that occur after the Reds and Blues crash-land on the planet Chorus and struggle to convince two warring factions there to unite against their true enemy, a power-mad political leader known as "The Chairman" whose deadly army of mercenaries threatens to destroy them all.

Despite joining most of this in-progress, it didn't take me long to settle into the story and grow accustomed to its novel presentation.  I used to watch a lot of Adult Swim on the Cartoon Network, particularly shows such as "Sealab 2021" in which the animation from a "serious" old cartoon is reworked to create a surrealistic comedy, so it's not exactly a strange new concept for me. 

In this case, the pre-existing animation is a videogame that can be "played" by the show's writers to conform to their brand new stories and salty dialogue, augmented by new artwork inserted here and there and also a good deal of motion-capture. 

This ensures that the show is visually interesting and at times downright spectacular, especially during the imaginatively-staged battle sequences.  In fact, one of the most appealing aspects of "Red vs. Blue" is seeing how cleverly the HALO elements are used in each new scene and setpiece in the saga.

 

The only drawback to this technique is that the soldiers are all permanently encased in their battle armor and are thus faceless, making it difficult to tell them apart sometimes.  (They also must carry their weapons poised to fire at all times.)  Still, the voice actors do a masterful job of creating individual personalities for them, and they're written in ways that make them incredibly appealing.
 
Even more noteworthy is the fact that these characters are versatile enough to be used in situations that range from dead-serious drama to hilarious situation comedy and back again.  This gives the writers enormous freedom to explore everything from straight drama to nuts and bolts sci-fi action to gut-busting farce, and even all-out slapstick, without breaking their stride. 

Each dialogue-heavy episode indulges in plenty of sitcom humor that allows the funnier characters such as resident idiot Caboose (who sounds exactly like Adult Swim's "Brak"), the humanoid robot Lopez who's programmed to speak only Spanish even though nobody else does, and the comically gung-ho veteran Sarge (later promoted to Colonel Sarge) ample opportunity to make us laugh.

Meanwhile, the more serious story elements underlying it all eventually culminate in furious, sustained battle sequences (enhanced with the occasional mind-expanding sci-fi concept) and made all the more suspenseful by the inclusion of two ruthless super-soldiers, Locus and Felix, hired by the Chairman to wipe out the Reds and Blues at any cost.

The three Blu-ray discs from Rooster Teeth and Cinedigm Entertainment come in a sleek steelbook case with a clear plastic slipcover.  Each disc features a season of the show (almost 8 hours total) complete with commentary tracks and several more hours of informative behind-the-scenes featurettes, outtakes, and trailers.  The feature presentation is in 16x9 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 audio.

With surprisingly three-dimensional characters (even the comic-relief ones have their moments) and engaging sci-fi situations along with raucous comedy, RED VS. BLUE: THE CHORUS TRILOGY is total genre goodness for gamers and non-gamers alike. 

RED VS. BLUE: THE CHORUS TRILOGY -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

MILLENNIUM CRISIS -- DVD review by porfle

 

Originally posted on 2/18/11

 

As Ted Raimi states in one of the DVD's bonus featurettes, you don't see that many low-budget independent sci-fi flicks that are much more than talking heads in rooms, yakking a lot of dialogue at each other. The makers of MILLENNIUM CRISIS (2007) have attempted to sidestep this problem by filling their shot-on-video space opera with plenty of really cheap-looking special effects and hoping we'll like the story enough to play along and really, really suspend our disbelief.

Fortunately, they did a pretty good job of this. The effects shots range from tolerable all the way down to the level of Monty Python-style animation, but I have to give them an A for effort. If you use your imagination, you might get into the cheapo atmosphere after awhile. The sets are minimal--some are even, well, subliminal--but much is done with a little sleight-of-hand and lots of weird lighting effects, with the help of a good ambient musical score by Aaron Paul Low which adds to the dreamlike quality of certain scenes. And yes, the story is interesting enough to have kept all of this from making me switch to hibernation mode.

I had trouble following some of it, but the main gist I got was that in the distant future, the warring Terrans and Andromedeans are enjoying a fragile period of truce. But a race of space vampires known as the Kluduthu are scheming to get everybody at each other's throats again so that they can enslave the survivors and feed off them. Which, I think we can all agree, isn't very nice.


A woman named Aurora (Clare Stevenson), who doesn't know where she came from or exactly what race she belongs to, is kidnapped by Kluduthu leader Harkness (a quietly effective Ato Essandoh of BLOOD DIAMOND) and his android cohort Lucretia (Olja Hrustic, who played one of the "Werewolf Women of the S.S." in GRINDHOUSE) because they suspect her to be the last of a species of aliens known as Bloodmasks, who can mimic the physical characteristics of any other species they come in contact with. Harkness and Lucretia plan to use Aurora to infiltrate a peace conference between the Terrans and Andromedeans and assassinate an important ambassador, thus sparking interplanetary war.

Clare Stevenson is a capable actress who makes Aurora a very likable character. She's a bit like Alice in Wonderland, wandering through one mind-boggling situation after another as she tries to find out who and what she is while doing her best to avoid being used as a secret weapon by the bad guys.

One particularly fun sequence aboard a space freighter has Aurora accidentally awakening some sentient androids, which then automatically awakens a Nosferatu-Class Neuronecromotron (really just an ugly bald guy who scowls and growls a lot) who is programmed to kill anything that moves in order to prevent any of the androids from escaping. I like the way the actors play these wide-eyed, innocent androids, and how Lucretia, the ancient android who's been around the galaxy a few times, sardonically informs them of the fruitlessness of their gosh-a-rootie plan to run away and live in freedom.


Ted Raimi appears in a few sequences as a flaky archeologist named Professor Keene, who gets mixed up in the whole thing and helps Aurora. Ted is probably the most experienced actor in the cast, but he gets barely enough screen time to justify giving him pole position on the DVD cover.

Lindsey Roberts (HUSTLE & FLOW) plays a Kluduthu assassin named Fiona, and if you like coldblooded warrior women she'll probably float your boat. There's a cool swordfight between her and Andromedean agent Murnau (Daryl Boling), in which Fiona just happens to accidentally be topless (oops!) for some reason. It's shot in what comes closest to being an actual honest-to-gosh set, is well-lit and nicely-choreographed, and makes this look a bit more like a real movie for a couple of minutes.

The best part of the movie for me is the Lucretia character. Olja Hrustic is a looker who plays the ages-old android with a cool, cynical detachment and air of mystery and superiority over everyone else. Lucretia's most startling feature is a long, metallic tentacle that springs from I-don't-know-where and can either mess you up, suck your life force, or just screw around with you. That, in addition to a cool chain-mail headdress and tight green bodysuit, helps to make Lucretia one of the most enjoyable visual aspects of the film.


On the negative side, the harsh lighting gets to be irritating from time to time, as does a frequent tendency of the editors to connect a sequence's shots together with an unnecessary white flashing light effect. There's a lot of imagination at work, though, in many of the futuristic elements of the different environments. And some of the images director/co-scripter Andrew Bellware has come up with are rather stunning--there's a reclining shot of Lucretia at about the halfway point that I swear I'd kill to have framed on the wall of my livingroom. Shortly before that, there's another shot of Aurora in repose inside her small living cubicle that would accompany it nicely.

The DVD from Shock-O-Rama cinema is in widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 sound.  Bonus features include a director/producer commentary, interviews with Raimi and other castmembers, a visual FX documentary, and a Shock-O-Rama trailer vault.

It's all unmistakably cheap but hardly amateurish. There's a lot of talent evident here, making the best of severely limited resources in imaginative ways, which I will always find just as much fun to watch in its own way as most of the big-budget razzle-dazzle stuff. With an intriguing sci-fi story, a good cast playing interesting characters, and some resourceful talent behind the camera, MILLENNIUM CRISIS manages to rise above its barely-existent budget to become somewhat more than the sum of its parts.

MILLENNIUM CRISIS -- DVD review by porfle

ZAPPED! -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/22/16

 

The weird thing about a movie like ZAPPED! is that if I'd seen it in 1982 when it came out, I would've immediately dismissed it as lightweight teenybopper trash.  Now, however, the glorious gift of hindsight reveals what it truly is--a priceless treasure trove of nostalgic "I Love the 80s" wonderfulness.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a tad.  But seen today, this goofy little candy-coated cross between PORKY'S and CARRIE (with a dash of MERLIN JONES and ZOTZ! thrown in) is the sort of perversely entertaining time capsule that reminds me why I now look back on that much-maligned decade with such fondness.

ZAPPED! was the genesis of that dynamic duo of Scott "Chachi" Baio and Willie "Eight is Enough" Aames, who would go on to five full seasons in the 1984-1990 hit sitcom "Charles in Charge."

Here, they're a couple of typical high school seniors--one a science nerd, the other a wannabe playa--who have one heck of a senior year when lab-rat Barney (Baio) accidentally "zaps" himself with a formula for instant telekinesis and pal Peyton (Aames) starts coming up with all sorts of schemes to take advantage of it. 

It's the classic high school boy's fantasy come true, with Barney using his new power to make tight cheerleader sweaters pop open (which reminds me, Heather Thomas is also on hand as head cheerleader Jane) and to "pants" rival high schoolers and make them fly around the campus with their butts hanging out.  He also creates havoc during an intermural baseball game with amusing results.

Aames is a likable enough Lothario and Baio makes for an adequately identifiable nerd-hero, with Felice Schachter as fellow egghead Bernadette providing Barney's awkward love interest.  (Schachter's winsome good looks, of course, are "hidden" behind glasses and braces.)

While surprisingly smutty for a Baio/Aames vehicle, ZAPPED! somehow manages to retain a kind of curdled wholesomeness despite ample boobage (a body double stands in for Thomas), copious marijuana references, and even a sex scene with Barney and Bernadette that pretty much blows "abstinence" out of the water.
   
With Barney's mental misadventures fueling most of the plot, things come to a head during (you guessed it) the senior prom.  There's no pig's blood involved this time, but when a bump on the head gives free rein to Barney's mind powers, the occasion turns into the sort of blouse-bursting bacchanal we all dreamed about back in the day. 

Still, it's all just relatively harmless fun, aided in no small measure by a highly capable supporting cast of adults including Robert Mandan ("Soap") and perennial cutie Sue Ane Langdon as the prototypes for Principal Skinner and Ms. Krabappel, and Roger Bowen (MASH) and Marya Small (AMERICAN POP) as Barney's hilariously out-of-it parents.

Scatman Crothers (THE SHINING) and LaWanda Page ("Sanford and Son") also turn up as the school's coach and his clock-stopping wife.  The "teen" cast also includes STAR TREK: THE WRATH OF KHAN's Merritt Butrick and comedy legend Eddie Deezen as "Sheldon."

A couple of fantasy setpieces stand out: in one, Barney imagines the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise encountering his dog (with the ship consisting of an interesting hybrid of Enterprise and Millennium Falcon model kits), and in the other, a weed-addled Crothers hallucinates himself and Albert Einstein being chased by a bazooka-wielding Page.  Elsewhere, hilarity ensues when Barney's mom thinks he's possessed and enlists a couple of inept priests to exorcise him. 

The DVD from Olive Films is in widescreen with Dolby 2.0 sound.  No subtitles or extras.

With its cheesy rock songs, chintzy production values, and an overall air of goofiness, ZAPPED! is the sort of movie whose once-negative qualities somehow work entirely in its favor when viewed today.  I'm glad I saw it now instead of then--the 80s seem so much better when observed from a safe distance.

ZAPPED! -- DVD Review by Porfle

DAMNED BY DAWN -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/28/10

 

The DVD cover blurb for DAMNED BY DAWN (2009) states "Sick of waiting for EVIL DEAD 4?  Check out Damned by Dawn."  Well, not quite.  But it is about half of the spookiest movie I've seen in quite a while. 

Not that director and co-writer Brett Anstey, along with his filmmaking co-horts who call themselves The Amazing Krypto Bros., aren't going for a Sam Raimi vibe here, because they are.  It's just that they aren't quite capable of delivering the kind of balls-out gut-wrenching terror fest that the original EVIL DEAD was when it first came out.  Not for the entire running time anyway.  What they do manage to achieve to a certain degree, however, are the kind of good old-fashioned ghostly chills that get under your skin and give you goosebumps.

Though shot in Australia, the isolated setting of DAMNED BY DAWN has the fog-shrouded feel of the English countryside.  It's here that Claire O'Neill (Renee Willner) and her boyfriend Paul (Danny Alder) arrive at the old family estate where she grew up to visit her dying grandmother.  Paul meets Claire's dubious dad, Bill (Peter Stratford), and her bouncy younger sister, Jen (Taryn Eva), before setting off for the nearby village for some pizza.  He almost runs into a ditch at the sight of a spectral figure standing in the road.

Meanwhile, Claire is at Nana's bedside when the old woman begins to tell her a disturbing tale of a banshee who will come for her when she dies.  Claire awakens in the middle of the night to frightening far-off screams, and before long the entire family is beset by the Banshee herself and a host of other undead figures who have risen from the grave.  During a night of terror, Nana is taken away and their efforts to find her result in some grisly deaths.  The survivors attempt to escape the next day but are confronted by an army of the dead at every turn.


An atmosphere of unease begins to build from the very start and sets us up for the kind of scares that used to have us peeking through our fingers when we were kids.  An early shot of the Banshee appearing in an old family photograph during a flash of lightning is just the beginning of a series of chilling jump scares that are truly frightening.  Earlier, when Paul is standing on that dark road after his fleeting vision, a brief glimpse of the white-shrouded spectre floating by in the background should raise a few hackles. 

Director Anstey places her off-center in several shots and lets us discover her slowly approaching figure ourselves as she emerges out of the fog, along with the terrified Claire who watches from a window during the initial siege.  The front door slowly swings open in a swirl of mist, the Banshee enters, and Claire hides in a closet as the ghostly apparition moves through the house.  It's like something out of a child's nightmare, recalling some of our earliest irrational fears and giving us that old familiar shivery feeling. 

The film succeeds in doing so only sporadically from that point forward.  There are some nice shots of zombie-like wraiths floating through the air, one of them wielding a scythe in Grim Reaper fashion as he inexorably pursues his living victims.  These figures begin to lose their effectiveness, however, as the film's reliance on less-than-convincing CGI steadily increases.  Rarely are computer-generated ghosts scary, and DAMNED BY DAWN is no exception. 

The mood is further diminished as the film makes the same mistake that ruined the finale of POLTERGEIST along with many other supernatural films--namely, the belief that ratcheting up the noise level and adding a bunch of flashy effects and frantic activity will increase the scare factor, when, in fact, it has the opposite effect.  Having the Banshee repeatedly break out in prolonged, supersonic screams is also less than terrifying.  As the story goes on, long stretches in which a character creeps around waiting for something to jump out at her tend to further drag the pace of the film's second half.


Still, there are some good moments throughout.  When a shotgun-wielding Claire warily enters an old barn in search of her missing sister, last seen being yanked away from a window by an unseen force, the sequence generates jittery suspense.  The gross-out factor takes front and center with a Raimi-inspired episode in which a character previously hanged by his own intestines shows up in the kitchen the next day, spilling entrails from his gaping stomach and vomiting cockroaches.  Kindly old Nana gets into the act herself later on when she returns as one of the hostile undead in the film's frenetic climax.

For a low-budget effort, DAMNED BY DAWN looks great and is clearly the work of a talented and enthusiastic bunch of filmmakers.  The cast is uniformly good, especially Renee Willner as Claire and Dawn Klingberg as Nana.  Bridget Neval does her best as the Banshee, though the character's effectiveness varies depending mostly on the director and the script.  She's never better than in those early scenes in which her unnerving presence is fleetingly seen.  (Call me weird, but I think she's pretty hot, too.)

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound.  No subtitles this time.  Along with the trailer there's a 55-minute behind-the-scenes documentary that is quite engaging.  A crew commentary provides more information on the making of the film, while the cast commentary (most of them are seeing it for the first time) is lively and fun.

Although DAMNED BY DAWN isn't entirely successful and can't maintain its ability to scare us past those chilling early scenes, it's still a worthwhile effort that should please horror fans.  Definitely the sort of thing to liven up your Halloween viewing experience.  

DAMNED BY DAWN -- DVD Review by Porfle

PALISADES TARTAN TERROR PACK VOL. 1 (SHEITAN, CARVED, SLAUGHTER NIGHT) -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/15/09

 

A sampler of scares from around the world, Palisades Tartan's TERROR PACK VOL. 1 offers a tasty assortment of horrors with an international flavor. These may not be the most utterly nightmare-inducing films you'll ever see, but they're definitely kooky, spooky, and very entertaining.

Much of Japan's creepiest film horror is derived from their popular ghost stories and urban legends. CARVED: THE SLIT-MOUTHED WOMAN (2007) is a prime example, beginning with the rumor of the titular ghost being passed from child to child at school until the entire populace is on edge. Before long, kids start disappearing as the terrifying slit-mouthed woman, a trench-coated apparition with long black hair and a hideous visage, appears with her long, razor-sharp scissors. "Am I pretty?" she asks cryptically before snatching them away.

Two young elementary school teachers end up on the ghost's trail for various reasons--Ms. Yamashita (Eriko Satô) seeks to make amends for abusing her own daughter, while Mr. Matsuzaki (Haruhiko Katô) has a terrible personal connection that enables him to sense the ghost's next attack before it happens. They encounter her several times before a final battle in her hidden cellar of death becomes an ordeal of unspeakable horror.

CARVED isn't nearly as blood-curdlingly terrifying as some of the Asian ghost stories I've seen, but it's the kind of macabre tale that brings back that childhood feeling of walking home in the twilight after trading too many scary stories with your friends. With her staring snake eyes and gaping ear-to-ear gash of a mouth (the makeup is great), the slit-mouthed woman is an imposing presence. The acting by the kids is very good, but if seeing children getting wasted is too much for you, you might want to skip this one. Because of this factor, much of the film is more disturbing than scary.

The DVD is presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital and DTS 5.1 surround sound. The soundtrack is in Japanese with English and Spanish subtitles. Extras include "The Making of Carved", cast interviews, and original theatrical trailer and TV spots.

Kôji Shiraishi's direction is smooth and unobtrusive, with some cleverly executed shots. He stages the fright scenes well and maintains an unsettling aura of fear without relying solely on jump scares. The finale is tense and suspenseful, and the movie fades out on a disturbing open-ended note.



The Dutch horror film SLAUGHTER NIGHT, aka SL8N8 (2007) seems at first to be your typical "teens getting stalked and slaughtered" bore, but it turns into one killer spookhouse ride as soon as our stereotypical group of good kids and party animals find themselves trapped in an abandoned mine and terrorized by the vengeful ghost of a maniacal serial killer.

A prologue detailing the gruesome murder spree of one Andries Martiens (Robert Eleveld) centuries ago gets the movie off to a shocking start as he captures several children, then lops off their heads and mounts them on poles (another warning to those who find child murders hard to watch). Killing eight people in this way will allow Martiens to enter Hell and return, for reasons made clear later on. His plan is thwarted as he is captured and put to death.

Switch to present day, as our fun-loving youngsters take a tour of a vast system of mine tunnels that is haunted by Martiens' ghost. After the elevator goes on the fritz and they're trapped underground, Martiens begins to possess them one by one and resumes his headhunting expedition that was interrupted centuries before. The result is a series of extremely unnerving stalk-and-kill sequences with some gruesome and very inventive deaths (the shovel beheading is truly memorable).

Victoria Koblenko stars as Kristel, the level-headed girl whose father was recently killed in a (spectacularly staged) car crash and who is now helping them from the other world via a Ouija board. Kurt Rogiers is also good as her would-be boyfriend Mark, and Linda van der Steen is quite convincing as the spoiled bratty girl, Estrild, who becomes one hot monster later on. The EXORCIST-style makeup on the possessed characters is chilling and the actors do a great job as either terrified victims or crazed psycho-killers.

The DVD is in anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital and DTS 5.1 surround sound. Soundtrack is the original Dutch with English and Spanish subtitles. Extras include "The Making of Slaughter Night", outtakes, and the theatrical trailer.

The movie looks great and directors Frank van Geloven and Edwin Visser stage everything beautifully. Even the Shaky-Cam is used to good effect most of the time. SLAUGHTER NIGHT is one of the best movies of its kind that I've seen in a long time, maintaining a high level of fear and suspense with a pace that never lets up.



While the DVD cover of SHEITAN (2006) is clearly a ripoff of Anthony Hopkins' leering visage as HANNIBAL, I'd be hard-pressed to think of anything that the film itself could be compared to. This French "WTF?"-fest is one seriously, and I mean seriously, deranged movie.

Three unlikable, perpetually-horny party boys--Bart, Ladj, and Thai--get thrown out of a hip-hop club and follow a mysterious girl named Eve (Roxane Mesquida) home to her large family mansion in the country. The club's bartender, a nice Middle Eastern girl named Yasmine (Leïla Bekhti) tags along. The guys lust after the girls and compete for their attentions while Eve goads and teases them.

Into this scene blusters Eve's groundskeeper, Joseph (Vincent Cassel), a garrulous, overbearing, invasive force of nature who's always grinning like a loon. With his bulging eyes, handlebar moustache, and freakish demeanor, Joseph is a nerve-wracking presence whom the youngsters find alternately fascinating and disturbing. Bart is especially put off when Joseph keeps inviting him to go skinny dipping in a nearly hot spring.

Like a French version of DELIVERANCE or TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE, the film places a bunch of city kids in the middle of inbred hillbilly hell and then ratchets up the "weird" factor with each new character and situation. We know something strange is going on between Joseph and his pregnant sister, whom we never see until later on, and a wild story he tells during their feast of a freshly-slaughtered goat--something about a man who makes a deal with the Devil ("Sheitan") in order to become invincible and then impregnates his sister to create a Devil child--has an uncomfortable ring of truth. By the time our protagonists finally discover the real reason why they've been invited to the house, all hell has already broken loose and there's nothing left to do but scream.

Much of SEITAN is sneaky build-up, with Joseph and the other locals being weird and the boys vying for the girls' affections (with Eve deviously egging them on). It's intriguing enough that the promise of what's to come sustains interest until a point about three-quarters through when I finally thought to myself, "This is really starting to drag." It's right about that time, however, that the Sheitan hits the fan and all that build-up suddenly starts paying off like a bank of slot machines.

The last fifteen or twenty minutes of this film are an explosion of mind-bending bizarreness that had me shaking my head in giddy disbelief. I don't want to ruin it by describing it in too much detail, but we finally get to see Joseph at his full power, and we find out what eyeballs have to do with everything, and, last but definitely not least, we meet Joseph's sister. In a word, "yikes."

First-time director Kim Chapiron does a beautiful job of putting all of this on the screen in interesting and dynamic ways, and the highly-capable cast does a convincing job with the characters. Cassell, of course, is the standout as Joseph, having a field day with the role and instantly becoming one of the most fascinating maniacs in genre history.

Like the other DVDs in this set, SHEITAN is 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital and DTS 5.1 surround sound. The soundtrack is in French with English and Spanish subtitles. Bonus features include "The Making of Sheitan" and the original trailer.

Alternately shocking, funny, sexy, gory, and incredibly perverse--with a final shot that will be seared into your memory--SHEITAN is one of those movies that seems relatively harmless at first and then knocks you right on your ass.

If you're in the mood for a ghastly good time with some well-made, effective, and genuinely creepy flicks, TERROR PACK VOL. 1 from Palisades Tartan Video is the right stuff. I'll be looking forward to more in this series.

PALISADES TARTAN TERROR PACK VOL. 1 (SHEITAN, CARVED, SLAUGHTER NIGHT) -- DVD Review by Porfle

APARTMENT 1303 -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/1/08

 

Asian horror has gotten a reputation lately for being the real deal, but that doesn't mean every film in the genre is a total terror-fest. Tartan Asia Extreme's APARTMENT 1303 has many of the familiar elements, but it isn't all that successful in putting them to good use.

As the story opens, a young woman who just scored a great apartment with an ocean view for a paltry sum goes flying off the balcony the day she moves in--SPLAT! A month later, Sayaka moves in and moves out the same way--SPLAT! Turns out she's number five on the hit list, a small detail the landlords conveniently forget to mention to prospective renters. The perplexed police, meanwhile, chalk them all up as suicides.

Sayaka's big sister, Mariko, decides to investigate and discovers that two of the previous tenants were an abused girl and her crazy mother, whose restless spirits still inhabit the apartment and don't take kindly to anyone else moving in. When a group of teens rent the place for the summer and start sailing over the balcony rail--it's a triple-header this time!--Mariko goes in for a face-off against death.

The first half of APARTMENT 1303 is the creepiest. Director Ataru Oikawa does a good job of establishing an eerie, anything-can-happen atmosphere within the claustrophobic confines of the apartment, even making a simple closet seem like a thing of dread. There are a few of the traditional "gotcha!" shots here, and one in particular had me jumping out of my skin about halfway through. Special effects are pretty good without relying much on CGI. The cast does a nice job, particularly Noriko Nakagoshi as Mariko, and there's also a little girl who lives in apartment 1302 who really started to give me the willies after awhile.

After a promising start, however, the film fails to realize its potential. The apparitions that keep popping up now and then aren't that scary, even when one of them starts sprouting yards and yards of knotty black hair for no reason. One of them has so many long closeups that we begin to concentrate on the somewhat unconvincing makeup.

The climactic confrontations between the living and the dead are filled with lots of fog, wind effects, flashing lights, etc., which aren't any more frightening here than they were in POLTERGEIST. There is a pretty chilling moment shortly before the fadeout, but it leads to what I found to be a distinctly less-than-satisfying ending. After all is said and done, in fact, the most effective part of the film is probably the drama between Mariko and her hopelessly grieving mother.

The DVD comes in 1:85:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 and DTS surround sound. The soundtrack is in Japanese with English and Spanish subtitles. Bonus features consist of a photo gallery plus the trailer for this and six other Tartan Asia Extreme releases.

Not a bad film by any means, APARTMENT 1303 would probably make for a good introduction into Asian horror. But for those who have already shivered in fear at the cream of that genre's crop, this one may seem hardly scarier than an average episode of Rod Serling's "Night Gallery."

APARTMENT 1303 -- DVD Review by Porfle

INCREDIBLY EVER AFTER -- Blu-Ray/DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/9/12

 

Mixing wuxia-style hijinks, superhero heroics, and screwball domestic comedy comes INCREDIBLY EVER AFTER, aka "Mr. and Mrs. Incredible" (2011), one of the more warm and sweet-tempered Chinese action flicks I've seen.

Unlike modern-day superhero adventures, the story takes place in ancient China after Mr. and Mrs. Incredible have already retired to a quiet life of marital bliss in a remote mountain village.  Flint (Louis Koo, TRIANGLE, PROTEGE'), the former "Gazer Warrior", is now head of the town guard--a job that requires practically zero effort--while his wife Rouge, the one-time "Aroma Woman", divides her time between domestic duties and trying to get pregnant despite the fact that civilian life has severely slowed her metabolism.

Enter the Bai Xiao Clan, whose job it is to sort out and rank the many different sects of Chinese martial arts and who have decided to hold a competition in the village.  While hoping the excitement of the event will stimulate Rouge's fertility, the super duo also begin to notice strange things about the young man in charge, Grandmaster Blanc (Wang Bo-Chieh), whose hidden agenda will force Flint and Rouge back into action in a life and death battle against evil.

Those expecting non-stop thrills and mind-bending excitement will very likely be disappointed in INCREDIBLY EVER AFTER, which for much of its running time is a gentle, low-key domestic comedy that's as laidback as its rural setting.  Much of the humor comes from Flint and Rouge trying to agitate themselves into a more fertile state by provoking one another to anger and jealousy, with their methods becoming more and more desperate and absurd.  (Their anger, however, never lasts long.)  We also get to see the lengths they must go to in order to hide their super powers from their neighbors--even something as simple as a sneeze can have drastic results.

The martial arts ranking competition provides unexpected slapstick humor as some of the different fighting styles prove laughably lame.  Flashbacks give us a peek at the former exploits of Gazer Warrior (his capture of the Pest Four during a bank holdup is a highlight) and Aroma Woman, who uses her olfactory powers to foil a domestic abuser.  Their meeting and subsequent love affair are delightfully depicted with plenty of lighthearted charm, as is their devious use of super powers in their everyday lives (especially to help persuade a real estate agent to lower the price of their seaside dream home).

Standard superhero action comes to the fore late in the film when Grandmaster Blanc finally makes his move and Mr. and Mrs. Incredible must don their legendary heroic guises once again.  Much of the action here is dominated by cartoonish CGI and has an absurd quality that's somewhat reminiscent of the Shaw Brothers' earlier HOLY FLAME OF THE MARTIAL WORLD or THE BATTLE WIZARD although not nearly as mindblowingly outlandish.  As in the rest of the film, the violence is mild and nothing is taken overly seriously, although there's a touching depth to the feelings expressed by our heroes for one another during their most desperate moments.

Vincent Kok (FORBIDDEN CITY COP) directs with a sure hand and deftly handles both the action and comedy elements.  Colorful, eye-pleasing visuals are enhanced by some nice location photography and sets.  The main draw here, however, is the pairing of Louis Koo and Sandra Ng Kwan Yue as one of the most appealing, endearing screen couples I've seen in a long time.  I love how, no matter what they do to agitate and provoke one another (all in their effort to conceive a child together), they simply can't stay mad at each other.

The Blu-Ray/DVD combo from Funimation is in 16x9 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 Cantonese surround sound and English subtitles.  Extras consist of four different trailers (containing new material) and previews of other Funimation titles.  The closing credits crawl features bloopers from the film.

I've seen comments pointing out the lack of action (except in the final fifteen minutes of so) and the similarities between this and Pixar's THE INCREDIBLES.  But as far as I'm concerned, the almost effortlessly charming INCREDIBLY EVER AFTER is simply too much of a sheer delight to complain about. 

INCREDIBLY EVER AFTER -- Blu-Ray/DVD Review by Porfle

THE WOMAN KNIGHT OF MIRROR LAKE -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/9/12

 

What I first thought was going to be a dry-as-dust biopic quickly turns into a superb action-drama that gives equal time to both the heartrendingly emotional and pulse-poundingly exciting aspects of the life of Qiu Jin, THE WOMAN KNIGHT OF MIRROR LAKE (2011).

Huang Yi, who looks really sharp in a mannish jacket and tie, gives a stirring performance as a woman in early 20th-century China whose life becomes dedicated to rebelling against two things: the systematic oppression of women, and the Qing Dynasty's grievous mismanagement of the government. 

The young Qiu Jin is seen cutely refusing to have her feet bound and then being educated along with her brother in everything from literature to martial arts.  When reminded of her future marriage and subjugation to her prospective husband, her reaction lets us know that things aren't going to work out that way. 

Leaving the poor tradition-bound sap and her two children to attend school in Japan, Qiu Jin's fierce campaign for gender equality is soon eclipsed by a different revolutionary fervor when she meets Xu Xilin (Dennis To, Huang Yi's co-star in THE LEGEND IS BORN: IP MAN, also directed by Herman Yau) and joins his band of political warriors who are planning the violent overthrow of the government. 

The film's furious fight action gets underway right off the bat with the group's assassination attempt on an elderly governor, prompting fierce and meticulously choreographed combat between police and rebels within two schools that serve as their training ground. 

After Xu Xilin is defeated the governor's lieutenant Liu Xiao Ming goes after Qiu Jin and her students, the result being a no-holds-barred fight sequence (the first of many) involving fists, swords, guns, wires, and things that explode.  More bloody, action-packed skirmishes will occur throughout the rest of the film as well.

Qiu Jin's capture and subsequent mockery of a trial, during which she is brutally tortured, evokes memories of THE PASSION OF JOAN D'ARC and forms the framework for well-integrated flashbacks of her life up to that point.  (Anthony Wong of EXILEDand THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR appears as a sympathetic but powerless magistrate.) 

There's a deft counterbalance between the violent and more tender moments, with Huang Yi aptly conveying Qiu Jin's personal anguish over the life she could have had as well as the quiet fervor of her revolutionary spirit.  Qiu Jin is so unassumingly righteous in her beliefs that it's no more shocking to see her engaged in a blazing gunfight with police in the streets than weeping over her decision to disappear from her family's lives. 

As the film heads inexorably toward Qiu Jin's conviction and execution, the flashbacks bring us back to where we began, only this time the armed uprising is seen in all the thrilling detail that director Herman Yau can muster as armed police lay siege to Xu Xilin's training school. 

The prolonged hand-to-hand fight between Xu Xilin and Liu Xiao Ming (an intense Xiong Xinxin) as the battle rages around them is a particular highlight, one of the most furious I've seen in a long time and filled with a wide variety of martial arts styles, weaponry, and even some semi-hokey wirework.  Not even all this action, however, can overpower the emotional impact that the story manages to convey as it draws to a close and we learn Qiu Jin's fate.

The 2-disc Blu-Ray/DVD combo from Funimation is in 16x9 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 surround in Mandarin and English.  Subtitles are in English.  The sole extra is a "making of" featurette. 

While I have no idea of how historically accurate THE WOMAN KNIGHT OF MIRROR LAKE is, I sorta doubt if the real-life Qiu Jin could fly around like Darth Maul and fight off hordes of armed attackers singlehanded.  It does make for a more interesting biopic, though.  And aside from all the other good things about the film, Huang Yi's exciting performance alone makes this one worth watching again. 

THE WOMAN KNIGHT OF MIRROR LAKE -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE GREAT CHALLENGE -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 3/26/10

 

In THE GREAT CHALLENGE, aka Les fils du vent (2004), Burt Kwouk, who played Inspector Clouseau's constantly-attacking butler Cato in the PINK PANTHER series and was "Mr. Ling" in GOLDFINGER, is a millionaire business tycoon named Wong who's also a big boss in the Triad. He's giving an elegant garden party at the foot of the Wong Building in beautiful downtown Bangkok, when suddenly, in one breathtaking shot, the camera pans upward and zooms in on two black-clad figures doing a "Human Fly" routine up the side of the building.

In the next few minutes, one figure will engage three business-suited guards with fists, feet, and swords, while the other steals a priceless Red Dragon statue from Wong's office. Doffing their masks, they are revealed as brother and sister Kien and Tsu. The camera follows their slow-motion escape amidst gunfire as they dash toward a window, shooting holes in it as they go, and then crash through into the rain-drenched night. It's a nifty pre-titles sequence, and barely five minutes into the movie I was already impressed.

Kien and Tsu are half-breeds--only half-Chinese--and are rejected by all except the Yakuza, whose acceptance Kien is struggling to attain. Tsu, however, feels that their mother didn't raise no criminals, and acts as Kien's conscience, preventing her brother from giving himself over wholeheartedly to the dark side. Her rebelliousness, however, keeps them both in constant hot water with Kitano, the Yakuza boss who also just happens to be Mr. Wong's son-in-law and is scheming to take over control of the city from him. It appears that an all-out war between the Triad and the Yakuza is imminent.


Into this volatile situation come the Yamakasi, a real-life group of incredible athletes led by Laurent (Laurent Piemontesi), who wishes to open up a gym for street kids in Bangkok. Their sport involves running and jumping and flipping around the outside of buildings and stuff, often several stories in the air--you've got to see it to believe it--with emphasis on, as Wikipedia puts it, "aesthetics and complete freedom of movement from point A to point B." (This is the second film featuring the group--the first, YAMAKASI:LES SAMOURAIS DES TEMPS MODERNES, was released in 2001.) Their motto, it seems, might be "leap before you look." The title sequence illustrates this beautifully as two opposing groups compete to get from one rooftop to another first. It doesn't take long to notice that these people never heard of stairs, elevators, or caution, and watching them hurl themselves about from place to place over dizzying heights with total abandon is thrilling.

Unfortunately, Laurent has had unfriendly dealings with the Yakuza in the past and his new Yamakasi group is doomed to confront them. In an early scene they're having a workout on some bamboo scaffolding surrounding a building under construction, when Kien and some Yakuza thugs attack This leads to another amazing sequence of stunts, and when Tsu shows up to try and stop the fight, she encounters Logan (Charles Perrière), the Yamakasi she is destined to fall in love with. Their Romeo-and-Juliet romance will provide a lot of the drama between the fights, shoot-outs, etc. that appear frequently throughout the rest of the film.

They're all pretty exciting, too. The Yamakasi acrobatics give a new dimension to the usual martial arts displays and gunfights, and it's all thrillingly staged and performed. The wirework is only occasionally obvious--most of the time we get to see real, amazing stuntwork, and the best thing about it is that it's mostly done by the lead actors themselves. It's almost like watching a movie with an all-Jackie Chan cast. Some of it is tricked-up, of course, since the producers didn't want any of their lead actors getting killed or ending up in traction during filming, but for the most part, what you see is what you get.


Julien Seri directs it all with a great degree of style--some of his dramatic sequences come close to the aesthetic beauty of great anime', and the cinematography is often exquisite. Christian Henson's original score combines driving techno-style beats with lush orchestral passages that remind me of Joe Hisaishi's music for Hayao Miyazaki epics like SPIRITED AWAY. The editing, however, could've been a bit less frenetic in some scenes--the stuntwork and fight choreography are so good here that I'd like to have seen some of it play out without so many rapid-fire shots coming at me. Plus, the dubbing takes a bit of getting used to.

Most of the actors in this movie have interesting faces--they're fun to look at--and the director fills each scene with dramatic close-ups of them. In particular, Châu Belle Dinh as Kien and Elodie Yung as his sister, Tsu, have very expressive faces which dramatically convey their emotions. Charles Perrière is similarly intense as Logan, my favorite character among the Yamakasi. Santi Sudaros as Kitano, the Yakuza boss, is a formidable actor as well. And then, of course, there's Burt Kwouk as Mr. Wong, whose very presence makes the movie more fun to watch.

A plot by Kitano to kidnap Wong's only son and heir sets up the big finale, which will pit the collective muscle of the Triad and the Yakuza against each other in a wild free-for-all of guns, swords, and kung fu, with the Yamakasi right in the middle of it all, trying to fight their way out. It reminded me of The Bride vs. the Crazy 88's in KILL BILL, but without the ironic self-awareness or black humor--just tons of non-stop action. And the ending is pretty cool--everything's tied up nicely, and I felt thoroughly entertained.

THE GREAT CHALLENGE -- Movie Review by Porfle

KITES -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 2/18/11

 

High-octane chick flick?  Or sensitive love story for guys?  Whatever you call it, the Indian film KITES (2009) is a dazzling achievement that starts out looking all flashy and superficial and ends up steeped in genuine operatic romance.  And shoot-outs.  And car chases.

When a bunch of Mexican farm workers descend on a freight train with pitchforks to unload bales of hay, an unconscious man rolls out with a bullet in his back.  As an elderly peasant removes it, flashbacks reveal the man as J (Hrithik Roshan), a pretty-boy con man from India who gives dance lessons in Vegas and marries illegal immigrant women seeking green cards on the side.  When one of his students, Gina (Kangana Ranaut), falls for him, he's uninterested until he discovers she's the daughter of immensely-wealthy casino kingpin Bob (Kabir Bedi). 

Gina's gangster brother Tony (Nicholas Brown) is getting married, and wouldn't you know it--his intended, Mexican beauty Linda (Bárbara Mori), is one of J's former green-card brides, and the only one he ever felt anything for.  When J sees how Tony abuses her, he takes action.  The result is that J and Linda are now on the run from Vegas' most powerful crime family, with every cop and bounty hunter in the state on their tail along with Tony and his henchmen.



It's been awhile since I finished watching KITES, and I still haven't come in for a landing.  This shimmering cornucopia of movie magic overflows with so much good stuff during its two-hour running time that it's almost like one of those lucid dreams you don't want to wake up from.  Brilliantly directed (by Anurag Basu), sumptuously photographed, and exhilaratingly cinematic, it's almost a throwback to the silent days with extended passages of compelling images that involve the viewer on a non-verbal level.

The dialogue, when not purely functional, is used mainly for both romantic and comedic effect as various language barriers (English, Spanish, Hindi) prove awkward.  Rajesh Roshan's poignant original score is a major element throughout, as are several spirited song montages.  Unlike a lot of other films, frequent lapses into slow-motion work because we're seeing everything from J's point of view and he's pretty much in a constant dream state.
 

The early scenes are lighter in tone, with J and Gina's electrifying performance in a breakdancing exhibition providing a lively interlude, and some of J and Linda's adventures on the road are fun.  But danger and desperation begin to darken the story as the fleeing lovers encounter peril at every turn, and this is when KITES turns into one of the most thrilling action flicks of recent years. 

There are at least three major car chases, one of which is jam-packed with incredible crash stunts that will leave you breathless.  The film doesn't skimp on bullets either, nor is there a lack of genuine dramatic tension when things really start to go wrong for our protagonists.  Along the way, we get to see J's character transform from superficial street hustler to a man willing to die (as well as kill bad guys) for love, which endows him with blind courage and a fiendish resourcefulness during the action scenes.

My estimation of Hrithik Roshan as an actor grew as I watched his character develop.  It may not be apparent at first, but beyond his male-model looks he's very good.  (He also, incidentally, has two thumbs on his right hand.)  As Linda, Bárbara Mori is more than just radiantly beautiful--she gives a thoroughly captivating performance that's at times deeply affecting, whether trading playful romantic barbs with J or facing death at the edge of a cliff.  All of the supporting players are fine as well, notably Nicholas Brown as the homicidally hostile Tony.


The two-disc DVD from Image Entertainment is in 2.35:1 with Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound.  There are no extras--not even chapter selections.  Disc one is the original 123-minute Bollywood version in all its glory, while disc two contains Brett Ratner's 92-minute "Cliff Notes" version.
 
Ratner's remix strips the original of all its more contemplative passages and musical montages, including the early dance sequence and other important scenes in their entirety.  Graeme Revell's less effective new score replaces the intensely romantic one by Rajesh Roshan, including the love theme (which, admittedly, is a rip-off of Enya's theme for Aragorn and Arwen from the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy), robbing the film of much of its heart.
 
Already a fast-paced film, the remix is downright ADD-friendly--trimmed and "time-compressed" the way syndicated TV episodes are carved up to make room for more commercials--and nowhere near the exquisite collaboration between images and music as the original version.  In his attempt to reshape the film into something more appealing to short attention spans (while adding a few more titillating shots here and there), Ratner rushes so impatiently through the story that even the deeply moving ending is seriously blunted.

Even if unabashed romanticism makes you uncomfortable, you might as well just give in to KITES and allow it to do its thing for a couple of hours.  Either you won't like it--and I imagine a lot of people won't--or it will be one of the most thoroughly intoxicating movie experiences you've ever had.  My advice is to let it sweep you up in its emotional and sensory embrace, and--heaven forbid--maybe even get a little misty-eyed at the end.  This movie earns it.

KITES -- DVD Review by Porfle

CLASH OF EMPIRES -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/17/11

 

Malaysian historical legend gets a retelling in the small-scale epic CLASH OF EMPIRES (2011), aka "The Malay Chronicles: Bloodlines."  But while providing some entertainment and the occasional "ooh, ahh" moment, it's not quite the stirring and inspirational saga it aspires to be. 

You have to hand it to director/co-writer Yusry Kru for being ambitious and trying to wring as much spectacle as he can out of what appears to be a non-Hollywood budget.  There's some sweep to the story (circa 120 A.D.) of a Roman prince and a Chinese princess whose pre-arranged marriage on a neutral shore is interrupted by an attack by the dreaded pirates, the Garuda. 

Their most ruthless warrior, Kamawas (Khir Rahman), whose magic amulet gives him invincibility, kidnaps the princess for ransom.  Merong, a Malaysian rogue hired to guard the prince, leads the local tribesmen in battle against the Garuda after discovering that he is the great warrior whom prophecies foretell will unite them in victory. 

CLASH OF EMPIRES blends elements of high seas adventure, historical warfare, and romance with generous doses of mysticism and sorcery.  The paunchy Garuda chieftan Taji gestures broadly at the gods to bring thunderbolts down on his enemies while armies on the seashore engage in speeded-up combat that's impressively violent while not being especially well shot or choreographed.  What the battle scenes lack in finesse, however, is made up for by the sheer amount of slice-and-dice action.



Stephen Rahman Hughes as Merong displays some martial arts dexterity and lots of enthusiasm along with a welcome sense of humor.  Much of the first half of the film, in fact, in played rather lightly, especially with the corny romantic banter between Prince Marcus (Gavin Stenhouse) and the reluctant bride-to-be, Meng Li Hua (Jing Lusi).  The antics of the Princess' handmaiden Ying Ying (Nell Ng) may even start to grate on your nerves after awhile.

Things get serious, however, with the Princess' abduction and Merong's realization of his true destiny.  As his ships near the Geruda camp, the film does its best to expand to epic proportions while not quite getting there.  Merong's "sword day" motivational speech to his men doesn't have that RETURN OF THE KING vibe it strives for although it seems to have the intended effect of making them all willing to die. 

The magical element returns when Merong unveils a death ray he's constructed from broken mirrors, which causes the enemy to burst into flames and flop limply out of their boats.  Flabby fight choreography tends to drain the excitement out of much of the subsequent battle, while some low-level CGI gives certain scenes a rinky-dink veneer. 



At times the film suffers from murky cinematography that looks like its been tinkered with too much digitally--a few more bursts of vivid color here and there would've greatly improved the visuals.  Exotic locations and good production design are a big help, as is Edry Abdul Halim's lively score as performed by the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra.

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 surround sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  The sole extra is a theatrical trailer.

CLASH OF EMPIRES is an earnest depiction of Malaysian folklore that tries hard to match the grandeur of other epics but can never quite rise above its own limitations.  Still, it's relatively entertaining in its own modest and rather endearing way. 

 

CLASH OF EMPIRES -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE ROAD TO GUANTANAMO -- Movie Review by Porfle

 (This review originally appeared online at Bumscorner.com in 2006.)

The prolonged imprisonment without trial of suspected Islamic terrorists within the U.S. military base at Guantanamo, Cuba remains a source of heated controversy, and the same can most likely be said of THE ROAD TO GUANTANAMO (2006), Michael Winterbottom's award-winning docudrama about three British Muslims, known as "The Tipton Three", who ended up there for over two years before finally being released without charge.

 We are first introduced to the real Asif Iqbal in a close-up shot as he speaks into the camera and begins his story of the day he left England in September, 2001 to return to his native Pakistan in order to take part in a pre-arranged wedding, with his friends Ruhel, Shafiq, and Monir along for the ride. (Ruhel and Shafig will also appear in such interview segments throughout the film.)

Intercut with these shots is a documentary-style reenactment with actors portraying the actual people. We see them travel to Pakistan, where Asif meets his intended bride. By night they sleep in a mosque to avoid hotel charges, and by day they wander the city reacquainting themselves with their homeland.

 Then the four young men, along with Shafig's cousin Zahid, decide to take a long bus ride into Afghanistan just as it is coming under attack by the U.S. military shortly after 9-11. (Their intention, ostensibly, is to "help out", but why four young sightseers from Tipton suddenly want to travel into the heart of a heavily-bombed war zone is beyond me.) Conditions steadily worsen along the way, and one of them becomes gravely ill--he dreams of eating gooey pizza back home with his friends as they flirt with the girls in the next booth--as the bombing and subsequent chaos around them intensify.

After days of lying around a mosque in Kabul doing nothing, they become disenchanted with their mission and arrange for transport back to Pakistan. This ill-fated journey takes them through scenes of death, destruction, and horror that are presented largely as though filmed through the lens of a news camera, complete with night-vision shots of people huddled in a ditch for cover, their eyes eerily aglow. Indeed, much of it is interspersed with actual news footage whenever possible, and it's sometimes hard to tell where the reality ends and the reenactment begins.

 Seemingly unaware that they are being taken away from the Pakistani border and into the war zone, they soon find themselves captured near Konduz by the Northern Alliance while in the company of armed Taliban and al-Qaeda fighters and are eventually flown to the U.S. base at Guantanamo, where they will be held for the next two-and-a-half years as suspected terrorists. (The fourth member of the party, Monir, disappeared while in Afghanistan and was never heard from again.)

It's at this point that THE ROAD TO GUANTANAMO began to remind me a bit of Alan Parker's 1978 film MIDNIGHT EXPRESS, based on Billy Hayes' account of his ordeal in a Turkish prison replete with brutal guards and frequent torture. Just as damning and one-sided as that story was against the Turks, here we find the Americans depicted as sadistic, almost soulless tormentors subjecting our heroes to endless bouts of cruelty and relentless interrogation.

Although Billy Hayes portrayed himself as the good guy in his story, which seemed amplified even more so by Parker, he was still admittedly guilty of drug smuggling--here, the "Tipton Three" are portrayed with as much wide-eyed innocence as director Michael Winterbottom and their own first-hand accounts can muster, and it's appalling to see what they are subjected to during their stay in Guantanamo until their final release.  

But how much of what we are seeing is the truth? Even if one accepts the conditions at Guantanamo to be accurately depicted, there's still the problem of just what these guys were doing in Afghanistan at the time, and whether or not they're telling us the whole truth and nothing but. Shooting a fact-based film to look like a documentary doesn't make it any more of one than, say, THE FRENCH CONNECTION (or even THIS IS SPINAL TAP!), regardless of how much the viewer may be lulled into thinking so by a realistic visual style coupled with the filmmakers' point of view.

As a film, it's pretty involving and generally well-done, although the latter half tends to drag at times. But a brief look at some of the information relating to this story on the Internet yields a few nagging questions about the history of "The Tipton Three" and their possible motives. Some of it may be true, some may not be--but you'd never know from watching THE ROAD TO GUANTANAMO that there was ever any question as to the veracity of any part of this story, and thus it fails to present it in anything other than a single, biased point of view that can hardly be taken as the final word on the subject.

THE ROAD TO GUANTANAMO -- Movie Review by Porfle

LUNOPOLIS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 9/24/11

 

"Blair Witch"-style mockumentaries...conspiracy theories...UFOs..."The X-Files"...various other paranormal stuff...if any or all of these things spark your interest, then chances are LUNOPOLIS (2009) will really pop your cork. 

It also helps if you get into stuff like The History Channel, too--much of the middle section of the film looks like it might have been produced for it, with its various "expert" talking heads and illustrative graphics--but if you don't, then this film is equally likely to act as an effective cure for insomnia.  Me, I bought into it hook, line, and sinker and thus found it uniquely fascinating from start to finish.

The premise is that a documentary film crew led by Matt (writer-director Matthew Avant) and Sonny (Hal Maynor)  has gotten ahold of a weird photograph, supposedly smuggled out of Area 51, that leads them to an underground facility beneath a Louisiana swamp.  Their cinema verite' exploration of this dark, dungeon-like space is claustrophobic and creepy, leading to the discovery of a strange device that looks a bit like a makeshift jet pack.

After shadowy figures chase them back to the surface, they take the device back to the lab and activate it.  Its wearer disappears for almost five seconds, then everyone in the room is zapped unconscious.  Further investigation brings them into rough contact with the Church of Lunology, whose scary, threatening followers make Tom Cruise look normal.  Deeper into the rabbit hole they go, uncovering a plot involving a secret city on the moon (whose inhabitants are already among us) and a mission to send time travelers into the past to tweak our history, thus creating an overlapping jumble of parallel dimensions. 

What makes LUNOPOLIS so convincing is the realistic acting of its leads, who are excellent at seeming spontaneous and unrehearsed (something even the greatest actors can be incapable of).  Most of the camcorder sequences really do look like actual found footage (albeit very nicely shot and edited), making it even more disconcerting when a black car that the film crew are following suddenly takes off like a rocket. 

Most impressive is Dave Potter as purported moon escapee David James, whose folksy demeanor is a stark contrast to the mindbending personal account he gives to Matt and Sonny. This includes his knowledge of an upcoming "paradox date"--December 21, 2012, unsurprisingly--upon which something referred to throughout the film as "The Event" will take place.  Once you get an idea of what this entails, the suspense begins to build with the impending revelation of what will happen on that date.

Like "Blair Witch", LUNOPOLIS is supposedly assembled from found footage taken by participants who have gone missing, which becomes more and more intriguing as their discoveries lead them deeper into some really juicy, dangerous, hardcore conspiracy stuff.  Halfway through the film comes the History Channel-type material, which, if you've gone along with it all up to that point, will continue to fascinate with its dizzying explorations of time travel, multiple dimension overlap, the Roswell incident, the secret origins of not only Lunopolis but Atlantis as well, and other scintillating ideas which not only sound as convincing as any of those shows you see on TV but also increase our unease about that impending paradox date. 

By the time we return to the camcorder footage and the story proper, Matt and Sonny are on the run from a host of scary people while becoming inextricably involved in the events they're investigating.  The pace never lets up until the exciting finale, which brings the story full circle with an event--"the" event, that is--bristling with surprises and startling revelations. 

The DVD from Walking Shadows and Virgil Films is in 16:9 widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 sound and both subtitles and closed captions.  Extras include a trailer and an entertaining commentary by Avant and associate producer Michael David Weis.

Even freakier in its own low-budget way than THE MATRIX but without the need for flashy SPFX, LUNOPOLIS is a greatest-hits package of conspiracy theory goodness that would have Fox Mulder thinking he'd died and gone to heaven.  According to the commentary, some people are coming out of screenings thinking they've just watched the real thing, and it's not hard to imagine why.  It's a science-fiction film that presents some truly mindboggling concepts in a realistic and believable way, and the result is so satisfying that you might want to believe, too.

LUNOPOLIS -- DVD Review by Porfle

CHUPACABRA TERRITORY -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/11/17

 

Ever since THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT came out in 1999, unofficial sequels, remakes, spin-offs, and carbon copies have popped up all over the place.  They all have one thing in common--the "found footage" gimmick, in which (a) some people foolishly go off into the woods for some reason while filming/videotaping themselves, (b) they disappear, and (c) their film/video footage is found, which contains evidence that they died in very scary and horrible ways.

The latest in this horror sub-genre, or at least the latest one I've seen, is CHUPACABRA TERRITORY (2016).  It's pretty similar to BLAIR WITCH in that a group of requisitely foolish young people head off into the wilderness in search of a scary folk legend (the chupacabra) without being anywhere near serious or prepared enough. In fact, these idiots are barely capable of camping out, much less encountering and dealing with a deadly crypto-creature while doing so.

As in BLAIR WITCH, the leader of the group is a female, Amber (Sarah Nicklin, NUN OF THAT, THE HAUNTING OF ALICE D), who fancies herself a cryptozoologist but is really just a silly flake.  She's accompanied by her equally flakey boyfriend Joe (Michael Reed, EXHUMED, NUN OF THAT), their skeptical friend Morgan who's along just to drink beer and scoff at their attempts (Alex Hyeck), and Dave, a nondescript character who's there mainly to capture the other three on his headband video camera (Bryant Jansen). 

Right away they know something's up when the usual road into the area is barricaded and a portly ranger orders them away while a mysterious biologist in a gas mask is in the background scouring the scene. 

They also encounter a gas pump jockey with wild stories and an actual dead deer that's been drained of blood and genitally mutilated.  Naturally, this just makes Amber and Joe act even more like giddy schoolkids on a field trip to a theme park.

What follows is the usual progression from party-fun-time mood to "wow, that was weird" to growing apprehension and evidence that something's really out there, and, finally, to a bloody, hopefully terrifying finale fraught with extreme fear and panic as our main characters find their search for the unknown to have been way more successful than they imagined.

With CHUPACABRA TERRITORY, unfortunately, the path to all that is fraught with long dull stretches in which not much of anything happens.  And when the action does start, much of it consists of POV shots of people running through the woods in the dark or other activity that's hard to make out. 

This kind of thing was pretty scary when we thought the Blair Witch was after us (for me anyway), but the chupacabra legend just doesn't seem to generate the same kind of spooky shivers. 

In order to make up for this, a supernatural element is added in which Amber seems to have a psychic connection with the monster and, in one scene, performs a witchy campfire ritual in which she ends up seemingly possessed.  There's also a weird chupacabra vomit or something that gets on people and causes them to either get horribly infected or start acting like automatons. 

None of which makes much sense, but it does help add to what's basically just a group of people trudging through the woods and intermittently getting real scared of various noises or movement out in the darkness. 

The cast do their best to keep the tension level up, with varying degrees of success at convincing us that they're real people in candid video footage instead of actors pretending to be.  This takes a whole different kind of acting that not all actors are adept at (Heather Donahue and company were great at it in BLAIR WITCH) but which is a crucial element for any found footage story.   

The Blu-ray from Maltauro Entertainment has an aspect ratio of 1920 x 1080 with stereo sound and English subtitles.  Extras consist of interviews with the cast, producer, and writer-director Matt McWilliams, a trailer, and a photo gallery. 

As these things go, CHUPACABRA TERRITORY is fairly entertaining if you keep your expectations low. It isn't the best post-BLAIR WITCH "found footage" movie I've seen, but it isn't the worst, either.

CHUPACABRA TERRITORY -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle