LOOSE SCREWS: SCREWBALLS II -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/7/10

 

I never thought I'd compare a film unfavorably to SCREWBALLS, but I must make an exception in the case of its inferior sequel, LOOSE SCREWS: SCREWBALLS II (1985).  Not that it's really all that much worse--is that even possible?--but it just doesn't quite reach the same level of utter, gibbering, cheerful stupidity as the original Canuck-sploitation classic, which was its best quality.  However, it's still pretty damn stupid, and if you liked that about the first one, get ready for more of the same.

The main characters are still a bunch of extremely sex-crazed and psychotically immoral high school perverts who, at this rate, will end up in prison or dead within a couple of years.  At least, I sincerely hope so.  They have different names this time, but that's just an excuse for the writers to come up with more gag monikers like Brad Lovett, Steve Hardman, Marvin Eatmore, and Hugh G. Rection.  One of the main guys from the last film has been dumped, and two are played by different actors, but trust me, it really doesn't matter. 

Our fun-loving heroes have so thoroughly failed in their studies that their beseiged principal, Mr. Hardbutt, orders them to attend Coxwell Academy over the summer in order to qualify to graduate.  They've been there about five seconds before they (a) antagonize their new principal, Mr. Arsenault, and (b) become fixated on seeing their sexy French teacher, Miss Mona Lott, naked.  Driving the former out of his gourd and getting the latter out of her clothes become their driving motivations in life for the rest of the movie, along with various other acts of perversion and terror.  Seriously, these guys need to be locked up--they're so irredeemably low-class they'd make Bluto from ANIMAL HOUSE vomit.

Their antics include pumping a chemical into the swimming pool which makes bikinis disintegrate, posing as doctors in order to administer breast exams to the cheerleaders (a holdover antic from the first film), and Peeping Tom-isms via bedroom windows and a loose ceiling panel over the girls' locker room, all accompanied by maniacal heavy-breathing and drooling.  Later, the guys skip out on their curfew to visit a strip club called the Pig Pen, where they manage to directly participate in a wet T-shirt contest followed by naked whipped cream festivities.

Brad, as "Bradine", infiltrates the girls' dorm in drag (he actually looks sorta cute, god help us) so that he can gleefully share their beds and bathtubs while avoiding the suspicions of their Teutonic overseer, Miss Hilda Von Blow.  Meanwhile, suave rich boy Steve has an affair with Mr. Arsenault's buxom wife and ends up falling out of a second-storey window when Arsenault (who's having an affair with Miss Lott) comes home unexpectedly.  And just to make sure the film's humor level doesn't get too sophisticated, we're treated to the sight of the sweatily obese Marvin wandering through an aerobics class and poking his head into various crotches like a dog.  You can just imagine Woody Allen kicking himself for not beating these guys to such comedy gold.

What distinguishes this from most other comedies is the fact that none of it is even remotely funny, nor do we get the impression that the filmmakers are even trying to be.  It's as though they're thinking: "PORKY'S [the gold standard for this type of movie] was stupid, so we'll just be ten times stupider."  The film does excell at getting a lot of mostly blah-looking girls (although a few are pretty hot) in various states of undress in front of the camera, and a few situations elicit a giggle or two in spite of themselves, but for the most part it's as drab and dull as those distinctively low-budget Canadian production values.

The script, which could've been written posthumously, is loaded with groan-inducing double-entendres delivered by actors with about as much finesse as Bob Goldthwaite trying to crack a safe.  For some strange reason I enjoyed the dry-as-a-bone performance of Mike MacDonald as Mr. Arsenault, even though he delivers both his talking and screaming lines with equal emphasis.  Everybody else is just awful--albeit in a strangely enthusiastic way--and none of the characters are anywhere near as appealing as SCREWBALLS' adorable Linda Shayne (who co-scripted both films) as "Bootsie Goodhead."

One of the film's dubious highlights is a beach party sequence that takes place on a dismal Canadian shore and actually features group choreography to one of the film's many bad-80s pop tunes entitled  "Do the Screw."  Topping things off is the climactic revenge sequence with the main characters wreaking havoc at the unveiling of a statue of the academy's esteemed founder--here, we get the usual public humiliation of all the authority figures (aided by clouds of marijuana smoke, explosions, and the statue coming to lecherous life) along with the long-awaited unveiling of Miss Lott and a weird fantasy ending with our heroes suddenly becoming a crappy techno-pop band like in REVENGE OF THE NERDS.

The DVD from Severin Films is in 1.78:1 widescreen and Dolby 2.0 with no subtitles.  Extras include a director's commentary with Rafal Zielinski, boring interviews with producer Maurice Smith and production manager Ken Gord, and the film's International Version (containing about eleven minutes of extra footage) presented in "Authentic VHS-Vision!", meaning that it's window-boxed and the print looks considerably worse.  (Which, in fact, does bring back memories of those old VHS rental tapes.)

LOOSE SCREWS: SCREWBALLS II is the sort of film you might imagine being shown on movie night in a brain-dead ward.  You might even feel like checking in yourself after seeing it.  But if you do happen to find yourself in the mood for this kind of entertainment--after all, a lot of us still wax nostalgic for the pixilated pleasures of USA's "Up All Night"--then by all means, pull the plug on your life-support machine and do the Screw into oblivion with Hugh G. Rection and his horny pals.

LOOSE SCREWS: SCREWBALLS II -- DVD Review by Porfle

SCREWBALLS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

 

Originally posted on 9/11/09

 

 

 

Legendary schlock producer Roger Corman charged Jim Wynorski and Linda Shayne to write a low-budget teen sex comedy that would cash in on the then-current craze exemplified by highly-profitable crap like PORKY'S and THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN. The movie they came up with, SCREWBALLS (1983), is an even wilder, crappier, and more bizarre goof on such films that actually turned out to be some kind of trash classic.

Shamelessly stupid, cheerfully nonsensical, and aggressively inept, SCREWBALLS doesn't even make the slightest effort to take itself as seriously as those other two stupid movies that I mentioned or most of the others like them. In fact, it has more in common with the spoofy spirit of NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE than any of its contemporaries. It might also fit comfortably on a double bill with ROCK AND ROLL HIGH SCHOOL as long as it's on the bottom.

Wynorski and Shayne were told by Corman to watch some other films of this genre, pick out the elements that made them work, and throw them all together into one mindless melange. Thus, the story takes place at a wacky high school (Taft Adams, or "T & A") filled with horny teen stereotypes and teachers who are either cartoonishly tight-assed or wantonly oversexed. There's also an abundance of hot cheerleaders and other babes who have trouble keeping their tops on, including the comically cute Shayne as "Bootsie Goodhead." Rest assured, the booby count in this movie is sky high.

Five hormonally-hyper guys--Rick the jock, Brent the rich kid, Tim the shy one, Howie the nerd, and Melvin Jerkovski, the chronic masturbator--are obsessed with the school's last remaining virgin, the beautiful Purity Busch (Linda Speciale), devising all sorts of devious methods to try and see her naked. A nocturnal visit to Purity's house finds her humping her teddy bear in her sleep while in the next room, Purity's sexually-frustrated mother implores her impotent husband with: "Ward, I'm worried about the beaver."

Brainy nerd Howie uses his vast intellect to come up with ingenious methods of looking up girls' skirts or hypnotizing them into wanting to have sex with him, which invariably backfire in strange ways. The latter episode climaxes with a gym class full of bikini-clad girls lurching toward him en masse like robots and then trying to kill him.

Meanwhile, Rick the jock manages to cop plenty of feels by posing as a doctor on "Breast Exam Day" and a female dressmaking teacher measuring her students' bust sizes. Not so successful is Melvin's scheme to have himself buried under the same patch of sand where Purity sunbathes every day and peer at her cleavage through a soda-can periscope.

I don't know why, but my favorite sequence is the part where the guys and the girls challenge each other to a game of "Strip Bowling." It's just a bunch of high-spirited nonsense that's as stupid as it sounds and ends with a bowling ball being lodged on part of Howie's anatomy. Another highlight is a visit to a strip club that features generously-endowed guest star Raven De La Croix doing an old-fashioned burlesque routine. Everything comes to a head on the night of the big homecoming dance, where Howie unleashes his last-ditch attempt to scientifically remove Purity's clothing once and for all.

The DVD is in 1.66:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital 2.0 sound. Transferred from the best available print, the film looks about the way it might if you caught it on late-night television. Bonus features include a commentary by director Rafal Zielinski, deleted and alternate scenes, a theatrical trailer, and interviews with Zielinski, Shayne and Wynorski, star Kent Deuters (Brent), and SPFX artist Gerald Lukaniuk. Canuxsploitation scholar Paul Corupe discusses the film in the context of Canada's teen sex film boom of the 80s, while "Mr. Skin" and "McBeardo" of internet fame wax enthusiastic about SCREWBALLS' contribution to the cause of onscreen boobage.

SCREWBALLS is so harmlessly dumb that the main characters come off as much more likable than the leering lechers and salacious sluts trying to out-raunch each other in PORKY'S and other such films. It's just the kind of flick you'd expect to see on USA's "Up All Night" back in the good old days (Rhonda Shear would fit right in) along with other low-rent Canadian sex romps like HEAVY METAL SUMMER (aka STATE PARK), MEATBALLS III, and the rest of the illustrious "Balls" series--but with all the nudity gloriously intact. While containing the same basic elements as the smuttier, filthier, and lewder teen flicks of its era, SCREWBALLS is just too blithely stupid to be anything but good-natured fun.

Read our review of the sequel LOOSE SCREWS: SCREWBALLS II

 

SCREWBALLS -- DVD Review by Porfle

DEATH WARMED UP -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/27/19

 

The cover art for Severin Films' Blu-ray release of the 1984 New Zealand sci-fi/horror extravaganza DEATH WARMED UP gives barely a hint of what a bloody, violent cavalcade of carnage that awaits within. 

This low-budget, high-octane thriller is packed with everything from breakneck action to fountains of gore, with a slow build-up in the first half giving way to a second half that barely stops to take a jagged breath.

Michael Tucker (Michael Hurst, BITCH SLAP) is a young man who is chemically hynotized into killing his own parents (in a shocking shotgun murder scene) by an unscruplous scientist named Howell (Gary Day, NIGHTMARES) because his partner, Michael's father, was threatening to blow the whistle on Howell's dangerous experiments in prolonging life in hopes of abolishing death altogether.

 

Naturally, these experiments only result in a new strain of horrible, prolonged death that transforms victims into kill-crazy zombie maniacs whose roiling innards are primed to eventually explode. 

And thankfully, we don't just have to imagine this ourselves after having it described to us, since the film's final, frantic people vs. monsters free-for-all will plunge viewers neck-deep into all the gory carnage a horror fan could hope for.

This is brought about when Michael, emerging after seven years in the nut house for killing his parents, travels to Dr. Howell's island clinic looking for revenge.

 

Along to help is his friend Lucas (William Upjohn, DARK CITY) as well as, for some reason, their unwilling girlfriends Sandy (Margaret Umbers, SMASH PALACE) and Jeannie (Norelle Scott).

The opening--up to and including Michael's murder of his parents--reminded me of another New Zealand classic, Michael Laughlin's DEAD KIDS, while the middle section, with Dr. Howell's freaky motorcycle-punk henchmen (including David Letch as the wretched "Spider") attacking our heroes as they try to infiltrate the clinic via an old system of tunnels, gives off a distinct MAD MAX vibe. 

But the moment all of Dr. Howell's super-strong, super-psycho "failed experiments" break out of their cells and go on the attack against everyone in the science facility, including Michael and his hapless crew, DEATH WARMED UP lapses into pure, unadulterated bloody chaos strewn with throbbing brains, exploding entrails, wall-to-wall body parts, and rivers of the old red stuff. 

 

All of this is depicted in imaginative style by David Blyth (MY GRANDPA IS A VAMPIRE, GHOST BRIDE), whose mobile camera and sharp editing keep everything visually interesting throughout.  The cast are well up to the intensity of the story, while production design and SPFX utilize the $400,000 budget to its fullest.

DEATH WARMED UP is packed with situations bleak and grim, yet offers a wealth of fun and excitement to those who get off on this sort of small-scale apocalyptic action.  I felt like I'd been put through a wringer, and when it was over I wanted to go through it again.


Buy it from Severin Films

Street date: April 30, 2019

Special Features:

    BLU-RAY EXCLUSIVE: Original New Zealand 4×3 VHS cut
    Audio Commentary with Director David Blyth and Writer Michael Heath
    I’ll Get You All: Interview with Actor David Letch
    Deleted Scenes with Optional Audio Commentary by Director David Blyth and Writer Michael Heath
    Interview Featurette with David Blyth and Michael Heath
    Theatrical trailer
    VHS  trailers
    TV Spot
    Reversible cover art

DEATH WARMED UP -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

SKINNER -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 2/1/19

 

Before the slasher genre settled into such a predictable rut, the 70s and 80s yielded some really interesting and atmospheric entries in the budding genre.  For me, fondly-rememberd titles such as BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974), SILENT SCREAM (1980), HE KNOWS YOU'RE ALONE (1980), and NIGHT WARNING (1982) come to mind, and you could no doubt name some more yourself.

I got that same feeling watching the 1993 slasher SKINNER (Severin Films) because instead of just being a vehicle for some faceless killer stalking bland, unlikable teens and a showcase for his gory torture-murders, this thoughtfully-rendered tale has colorful characters and a compelling story, both of which are actually more watchable than the murder scenes themselves rather than simply serving as filler between them.

The cast is terrific, beginning with cult fave Ted Raimi (MILLENNIUM CRISIS, EVIL DEAD, SPIDER MAN) as Dennis, the title creep who comes off as a nice guy and wins the trust of unhappy housewife Kerry (Ricki Lake of HAIRSPRAY and CRY-BABY in another winning performance) when he answers her "room for rent" ad.

Dennis is, as we see, a total bloodthirsty psycho who murders women (usually street hookers) and skins them in an unused backroom of the factory where he works as a janitor.   Then he sews the skins into a full body-suit and, Ed Gein-style, cavorts around like a loon because, as he relates later in the story, Daddy once made little Dennis watch as he performed an autopsy on his own mom, and the total mind-warpage just took off from there.

The film teases us with all this at first, however, and then doesn't dwell on it all that much aside from a few appallingly graphic gore sequences.  What really makes things interesting, besides the conflict between Kerry and her ill-tempered husband Geoff (David Warshofsky, THERE WILL BE BLOOD, TAKEN, THE MASTER) over their new boarder, is that Dennis himself is being stalked by none other than Traci Lords (EXCISION, SERIAL MOM, BLADE) as a hideously scarred woman named Heidi who's out for his blood and whatever else she can extract.

With her wide-brimmed black hat, trenchcoat, and Veronica Lake hairstyle, Traci strikes an imposingly intriguing figure whether skulking through alleys in stealthy pursuit of Dennis or hanging out in her cheap hotel room being peeped at by the pervert who runs it (Richard Schiff, SE7EN, LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK, SPEED) while planning on what to do to Dennis with her scalpels and hypodermic needles when she catches up to him.

It all mixes together into quite a heady brew that's directed with keenly artistic verve by Ivan Nagy (DEADLY HERO, PUSHING UP DAISIES) from a briskly-paced screenplay by Paul Hart-Wilden.  Technical elements are fine including creative lighting which often recalls the lavish color comics in the old Warren magazines like "Creepy" and "Eerie", and some gore effects that are rather distressingly convincing.

The Blu-ray from Severin Films is in 1080p full HD resolution with English and French audio and English subtitles.  The uncut print has been scanned in 4k from the original camera negative. In addition to outtakes/extended takes and a trailer, the bonus menu contains genuinely interesting and sometimes fascinating interviews with director Ivan Nagy (quite an interesting character himself), star Ted Raimi, screenwriter Paul Hart-Wilson, and editor Jeremy Kasten.

Rather than losing steam as it goes along and simply throwing in a few gouts of gore to keep us awake, SKINNER builds to a well-plotted finale which lets the relationships between the characters play out in satisfying ways.  It's smart, finely-crafted, and, despite the tawdry and frankly depraved subject matter, fun cinematic storytelling that lets the viewer bask in some of the best this genre has to offer.



Special Features:
A Touch of Scandal: Interview with Director Ivan Nagy
Under His Skin: Interview with Star Ted Raimi
Bargain Bin VHS For A Buck: Interview with Screenwriter Paul Hart-Wilden
Cutting Skinner: Interview with Editor Jeremy Kasten
Flaying Sequence Out-takes & Extended Takes
Trailer

SKINNER -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

TARA ROAD -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

(NOTE: This review originally appeared online in 2005.)

 

"Sometimes you must lose your life to find a new one."  Oh, brother...

What do you do when your life falls apart around you?  Well, if you're Marilyn (Andie MacDowell), a well-to-do New England wife who's feeling estranged from her husband after their teenaged son gets killed during his 15th birthday party, and Ria (Olivia Williams), an Irish mother of two who just found out that not only is she pregnant again, but so is her husband's mistress...

...you swap houses.  Yes, that's the gimmick that TARA ROAD (2005) uses to take these two hapless women on an emotional journey of self-discovery and all that stuff.  After a handy plot contrivance, Marilyn ends up in Ria's house in Dublin and Ria leaves her kids with her cheating husband and his girlfriend and whisks off to New England to move into Marilyn's house.  But they're not just swapping houses, they're swapping lives.  And learning about themselves...and growing, and...excuse me, I think I'm gonna barf...

First of all, Ria's a wuss.  Her husband Danny (Iain Glen) makes his shocking announcement--you know, about his girlfriend being pregnant and whatnot--and all she can do is desperately clutch at him and practically beg him to stay with her.  Marilyn, on the other hand, is a cold fish who has a faithful husband who loves her, yet she rejects him because she's so wrapped up in her own self-pity.  In one early scene, she's so upset about the loss of their son that she even knocks her glass of iced tea off the table while sitting by the pool.  So these two women damn well better learn about themselves and grow and all that stuff during this movie, or I'm really gonna be ticked off.

When we see them wandering through each other's houses, it's supposed to be a meaningful "moment", judging from the soft string music and the solemnity on their faces.  For some reason, going through each other's underwear drawers and tripping over each other's kid's toys is meant to be a deeply emotional experience for them and us, although I didn't really get why.

Of course, a big part of the story will be the alternately zany and heartwarming culture shock that is generated when Ria and Marilyn encounter each other's friends.  Ria discovers that Marilyn has the standard "brassy broad" gal pal who seems to constantly flounce from one of these movies to the next--the frizzy-haired, obnoxious fashion disaster, Carlotta ("Ab Fab" script editor Ruby Wax).  There's also a funny black friend named Heidi (Jia Francis), because rich white women always have a funny black friend.  Ria is invaded by them upon her arrival and is flustered and nonplussed by their raucous American behavior since people aren't brassy and obnoxious and black in dear ol' Dublin, doon't ya know, and they get tipsy and have girl-talk and it's all just so delightful!  Not.

Meanwhile, Marilyn is ransacking her way through Ria's private photographs and looking wistful as sad music plays on the soundtrack.  At this point I have absolutely no emotional investment in this character, yet I'm supposed to be all weepy over her.  Actually, I can't stand her.  Anyway, she encounters Ria's restauranteur-gardener friend, Colm (Stephen Rea) and her other friend Rosemary (Maria Doyle Kennedy), and they're so low-key and sweetly encouraging and relaxing to be around--just what poor Marilyn needs, bless her heart.  Various other people flit in and out of her vicinity and talk Irish at her, which she finds enchanting.  It's as though she's stumbled into some kind of Tolkien fantasy full of playful hobbits.

I check the DVD time and find that only one-fourth of the movie has elapsed so far.  Oh...my...god.

Ria meets Marilyn's brother-in-law Andy (Jean-Marc Barr) and they hit it off because he's one of those fantasy chick-flick guys who is soft-spoken, wimpily handsome, and talks about his feelings yet knows when to listen, so it looks like a romance is in the offing.  I can't believe I'm talking about this stuff.  Please shoot me.

Did I mention that Marilyn has two giddy, flamboyantly-gay friends who supply comedy relief by queening it up whenever they're onscreen?  Of course she does.  Ria cute-meets them and gets a job cooking in their bakery.  Then she goes out with Andy for a romantic, emotional dinner that ends with Irish coffee by the pool.  She's finding herself!

Things get more complicated when Danny's business goes bust and he starts running around doing desperate things and turning into even more of a bad guy.  And Rosemary is revealed to be not quite the good friend to Ria that she was thought to be, so Ria must learn to be more assertive and self-reliant at last.  While all this is going on, Marilyn begins to inch her way back to happiness when she's reunited with her husband and finally learns to accept her son's death.  And yes, both women grow in the process.  Hallelujah!

This movie wants to take us on an emotional rollercoaster ride but it's more like getting stuck in traffic with a carload of people you can't stand and nothing on the radio but Barry Manilow.  The story is dotted with scenes meant to elicit instant reactions from us without really trying--a crying scene here, a party scene there, another plot complication, more crying--like a bad painter dabbing colorful flower petals on a bland still life. 

It's all deadly slow and lifeless, and when it was over, I felt like I'd just been released from bondage.  If you have a high tolerance for boring chick-flicks you may enjoy TARA ROAD, but it's definitely not my cup of Sleepytime Herbal Tea.

 

 

TARA ROAD -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE BEAST MUST DIE! -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 6/29/20
 

Having already released it on Blu-ray back in 2017 as part of "The Amicus Collection", Severin Films is now giving the cult classic THE BEAST MUST DIE (1974) an even better-looking updated release based on newly-discovered elements.

In Severin's own words: "A superior 35mm pre-print element of THE BEAST MUST DIE was recently unearthed in France and made available to us. On the previous Amicus box exclusive only an old HD telecine was available of the censored TV version and the censored scenes were scanned from a 16mm print and inserted. The newly available superior element was given a brand new 4k scan and fully restored by Studio Canal in France."

Having just viewed the latest version, I found it superior to the previous release. Not only that, but the disc contains the original bonus features in addition to some brand new ones.

Still included are an audio essay by horror historian Troy Howarth, an informative commentary track with director Paul Arnett, the featurette "Directing the Beast" with Arnett again, and the theatrical trailer.

New features consist of an audio interview excerpt with Milton Subotsky conducted by Philip Nutman, an audio interview with producer Max J. Rosenberg conducted by Jonathan Sothcott, and a trailer commentary by genre scholars Kim Newman and David Flint.

Both English and Spanish 2.0 mono soundtracks are available, with English subtitles.


As for the movie itself, here's our original review:


One of the most hard-and-fast rules of cinema is that any movie is worth watching if it has a "Werewolf Break."

Okay, I made that up, but I do find it to be true in the case of the 1974 Amicus werewolf thriller THE BEAST MUST DIE! (Severin Films), which not only does have a "Werewolf Break" but happens to be the only film I can think of to boast such a distinction.

It opens with a lively title sequence featuring eccentric millionaire Tom Newcliffe (American actor Calvin Lockhart, COTTON COMES TO HARLEM, UPTOWN SATURDAY NIGHT) being hunted by his own ex-military security staff in order to test their capabilities. This is in preparation for an antipated guest--namely, a werewolf.

Newcliffe, in fact, has invited a varied array of men and women to his secluded estate for the weekend, believing one of them to be a werewolf and looking forward to the opportunity of hunting it down to satisfy his sadistic lusts for sport and blood, as he does every other kind of wild beast he comes in contact with.

Thus, we already get a strong THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME vibe, especially when Newcliffe makes it clear that none of the guests--that is, werewolf suspects--is free to leave the grounds until one of them has been exposed and terminated.

There's also sort of a low-rent Agatha Christie flavor a la "And Then There Were None"/"Ten Little Indians", including even the traditional gathering of the suspects and surprise reveal at the end. (The script is actually adapted from a short story by James Blish, author of the very first Star Trek novel "Spock Must Die!")

What makes this variation on the old saw so much fun--besides, of course, the werewolf angle, which will have the attention of old-school monster fans from frame one--is the pure, undiluted 70s-era cheesiness of the whole thing.

While capable enough, the direction by Paul Annett, as well as cinematography,  editing, and some rather broad acting, give the film the look and feel of a quickie TV-movie of the era.

The original score by Douglas Gamley is perfectly fine and even somewhat reminiscent of Bernard Herrmann until he tries for a 70s funk-rock effect, which recalls the old thwacka-wacka 70s porn-movie backing tracks.

This, however, by no means hampers one's enjoyment of the film.  Rather, it increases it for viewers with a taste for fine cheese who revel in seeing such a cast, including Peter Cushing, Anton Diffring, Michael Gambon, and Charles Gray, taking part in such goings on.

Calvin Lockhart himself overacts his role with such magnificent abandon that I kept wishing he could skip the werewolf and go up against Rod Steiger in a ham-actor cage match.

With three successive nights of full moons, THE BEAST MUST DIE! gives us plenty of furious action (although the murky day-for-night photography sometimes makes it hard to see just what's going on) as well as lots of ensemble drama pitting the hot-blooded hunter against his own reluctant guests as he tries to trick each into revealing his or her hidden lycanthropy.  This includes even his wife, Caroline (Marlene Clark, who also tends to emote rather robustly).

When we see the werewolf itself, it's rather disappointingly played by an actual canine rather than a person in werewolf makeup (which I, being a lifelong fan of such films as THE WOLF MAN and CURSE OF THE WEREWOLF, would much prefer).

I got used to this, however, and was primed when the film finally paused for its delightfully hokey "Werewolf Break", a gimmick harkening back to the days of William Castle in which we're given thirty seconds to weigh the clues and decide the true identity of the werewolf.  (I was wrong, and you probably will be, too.)

There are those, of course, who will find this  practically unwatchable if they require their horror films to be more costly, refined, and sophisticated.  That's fine for them, but I'm one of many who can watch a movie like THE BEAST MUST DIE! and relish it every bit as much as those other ones--and, occasionally, even more.

THE BEAST MUST DIE! -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THE THEATER BIZARRE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

 

Originally posted on 1/6/21

 

From "Night Gallery"-level chills to art house pretention to EC comics-style irony, THE THEATRE BIZARRE (Severin Films, 2011) is, like other anthology films done by a gang of directors, similar to one of those mystery grab bags kids used to order from the back of a monster magazine.

Of course you have your wraparound segment, which in this case concerns a strange young woman named Enola Penny (Virginia Newcomb) whose apartment is across the street from an old abandoned theater with which she's abnormally obsessed.  One night as she's gazing at it through her window, the doors open by themselves and beckon her into its dark, spooky interior.

What she finds onstage is a troup of decaying clockwork figures jerkily performing under the direction of creepy master of ceremonies Peg Poett.  If you're a fan of Udo Kier (HOUSE ON STRAW HILL), you should enjoy seeing him cavort as the robotic storyteller whose bizarre tales seem to draw Enola deeper into the world of the unreal until, as the film's finale, the segment ends precisely as we predict.

 

 Kier's first tale of the bizarre is "The Mother of Toads" by Richard Stanley (HARDWARE) about a young couple vacationing in France.  Karina (fave actress Victoria Maurette, LEFT FOR DEAD, KUNG FU JOE) just wants to have a good time, but anthropologist Martin (Shane Woodward) is caught up in the local pagan history when they meet witch Mere Antoinette (Catriona MacColl) at a street fair.

Martin can't resist an invitation to her secluded hovel to see her copy of the fabled Necronomicon, which will lead to the usual dire consequences when Mere Antoinette turns out to be none other than the titular sorceress.  The segment is richly Lovecraftian with an adult-oriented "Night Gallery" vibe and laced with grotesque imagery (along with some nice nudity when statuesque Lisa Crawford steps into the Mere Antoinette role during Martin's supernatural seduction).

COMBAT SHOCK director Buddy Giovinazzo's "I Love You" makes an abrupt tone change with its story of clinging, emotionally-needy Axel (André Hennicke) not taking the news very well when the love of his life Mo (Suzan Anbeh) announces that she can't stand living with him anymore and is leaving him for someone else.  Aside from the blood, this could be any Euro-cinema relationship drama centered mainly on two people trading tortured dialogue in an apartment.  It's pretty good dialogue, as is the acting, but the predictable twist ending is only mildly effective.

 

Gore effects legend Tom Savini directs "Wet Dreams" and plays the psychiatrist friend of Donnie (James Gill), a stereotypical male chauvinist who abuses and cheats on demoralized wife Carla (scream queen Debbie Rochon of TALES OF POE and HELL TOWN in a strong performance).  Along with an affair with his friend's wife, Donnie's been having nightmares involving horrific forms of castration (the segment's main preoccupation) including a lobster-claw vagina that recalls Lovecraft again.

Dr. Maurey (Savini) tells Donnie to simply close his eyes and count to three as soon as he realizes that he's dreaming, which should awaken him.  But this won't save him when Carla's own dreams start to take over his reality.  While its women's-revenge-fantasy theme is about as subtle as a bucket of bricks, "Wet Dreams" has that EC comics "ironic retribution" feel to it which--along with James Gill's comically exaggerated performance and some extreme gore effects--makes it one of the film's more wickedly amusing stories.

Hardly seeming to belong in such a collection of dark horror tales is Douglas Buck's exquisite tone poem "The Accident."  Hauntingly expressive child actress Mélodie Simard plays a little girl who's curious about the hows and whys of death after she and her mother (Lena Kleine) witness a fatal motorcycle accident on a country road. 

 

There's no real plot or resolution here--the little girl's contemplative impressions of the incident form a leisurely-paced succession of dreamlike images as she questions her mother about death at bedtime and Mom does her best to answer.  And that's it.  It may not sound like much, but upon second viewing I was near tears the whole time, stunned by the subtle beauty and emotional depth of this delicately-rendered fable.  More than anything else, for me anyway, it's what makes THE THEATER BIZARRE a keeper.

Karim Hussain's "Vision Stains" jars us out of this tender reverie with one of the film's most startling tales.  Kaniehtiio Horn is The Writer, a young woman insanely driven to experience and record the memories of the other destitute women she murders by extracting the fluid from their eyes at the point of death and injecting it into her own.

Hussain's handling of the segment is as woozily off-kilter as its premise, probably the most "bizarre" concept in the entire film, and plays upon our eye-injury fears with the help of a very convincing practical effect--namely, an oversized articulated eye used in some cringeworthy closeups.  The Writer's quest for knowledge will eventually lead to a fate familiar to fans of Roger Corman films.

 

Finally, there's David Gregory's sickly "Sweets", which may put you off dessert for awhile.  Candy addict Greg (Guilford Adams) goes into withdrawal when his girlfriend Estelle (Lindsay Goranson), with whom he's shared many moments of confectionary bliss, announces that she's leaving him.  As Greg devolves into a mass of syrupy hysteria, the strangely distant Estelle responds to his pleas with a monotone string of cliches such as "It's not you, it's me" and "I need space."

Something's definitely not right about Estelle or her effect on the bloated, pathetic Greg, and anyone who's ever read "Hansel and Gretel" will have little trouble figuring out why.  The climactic scene occurs inside an underground restaurant populated by weird Goths (including Lynn Lowry of MODEL HUNGER and THE CRAZIES) overindulging in grotesque delicacies, and ends with the film's most over-the-top gore.  The old-school practical effects used to achieve this are impressive, but, despite being somewhat amusing, the segment isn't.

This new release from Severin Films is the first time the film has been available on Blu-ray. Disc specs, as well as a packed menu of juicy special features, are listed below.

THE THEATER BIZARRE is a worthwhile trip for horror fans through some dark, strange territory, with each story offering its own unique style and approach.  Like those richly colorful Warren comics from the 60s and 70s that director Richard Stanley cites as one of his inspirations, the film is always interesting to look at but the stories range from the memorable to the forgettable.  

Buy it from Severin Films

Special Features:

    2020 Filmmakers Audio Commentary
    2012 Filmmakers Audio Commentary
    Backstage: The Making of THE THEATRE BIZARRE – New feature length documentary featuring interviews with Directors Douglas Buck, Buddy Giovinazzo, David Gregory, Karim Hussain, Jeremy Kasten, Tom Savini, Richard Stanley, Producers Daryl J. Tucker, Fabrice Lambot, Michael Ruggiero, Actors Udo Kier, Catriona MacColl, Lynn Lowry, Victoria Maurette, Kaniehtiio Horn and more.
    French TV On-Set Report on Richard Stanley’s Return to Genre Filmmaking
    Making of VISION STAINS by Filmmaker Pat Tremblay
    Making of THE ACCIDENT by Filmmaker Pat Tremblay
    Shock Till You Drop’s Choice Cuts with Buddy Giovinazzo
    Shock Till You Drop’s Choice Cuts with David Gregory
    Shock Till You Drop’s Choice Cuts with Jeremy Kasten
    Boswell Scores – Interview with THE MOTHER OF TOADS & VISION STAINS Soundtrack Composer Simon Boswell
    THE MOTHER OF TOADS – Extended Cut
    Trailers

Disc Specs:

    Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1
    Audio: English 5.1 & 2.0, French 2.0
    Closed Captions: English SDH
    Region Free

THE THEATER BIZARRE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

THE RETURN OF DR. X -- Mini Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/19/20

 

Just watched Humphrey Bogart's only foray into horror, THE RETURN OF DR. X (1939), after hearing about it for so my years.

Despite how generally maligned it is in comparison to the original "Dr. X" (to which this is a sequel in name only), this is actually a very good stand-alone murder mystery with strong sci-fi/horror elements.

The film benefits from fine production values and a good cast, including a very young Wayne Morris as a brash newspaper reporter and Dennis Morgan as a doctor who suspects a revered surgeon of very foul play.

Bogart is surprisingly good in this type of role, despite the fact that he was cast in it under duress. I enjoyed the film very much and am always glad to discover a Golden Age goodie that has previously escaped my notice.

THE RETURN OF DR. X -- Mini Review by Porfle

A LITTLE HELP -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/17/11

 

A LITTLE HELP (2010) is one of those chick-flicks that isn't all that bad once you actually find yourself sitting down to watch it--usually against your will--although if you're like me you'll spend the entire running time wishing the Terminator would break the door down and start annihilating everybody.

Jenna Fischer ("The Office") plays Laura Pehlke, a recently-widowed young mom whose life is crashing down around her.  Jenna manages to make her mousey, indecisive character somewhat endearing enough so that we can stand her for an hour-and-a-half.  Some of her more amusing scenes have her working as a dental hygienist with a parrot constantly squawking over her shoulder.  The best ones involve Laura and her overweight, misfit son Dennis, played by Daniel Yelsky in his movie debut.

Yelsky is the best thing about A LITTLE HELP.  As Daniel, he's a painfully insecure little kid with the soul of a Borscht Belt comic.  Yelsky's delivery is priceless even when he's obviously reading his lines from cue cards--he's both deadpan funny and dramatically impressive in some crackling exchanges that allow him and Fischer to really have at each other (particularly the "You suck!" scene and the "9-11 is cooler" scene).  Even the part where they sing along with "Runaround Sue" in the car is bearable (along with the "bad date with the wrong guy" scenario, the "singing along to an oldie" thing seems to be a chick-flick staple).

Laura's life is taken over by her hellishly overbearing sister Kathy (Brooke Smith, the abducted girl from SILENCE OF THE LAMBS) and meddling mom (Lesley Ann Warren), who coerce her into putting Daniel into a private school and suing her late husband's doctor for malpractice.  This takes place during a brow-beating "intervention" which is cringe-inducing for anyone who's experienced anything similar.  As the litigating lawyer, the great Kim Coates ("Chet" from THE LAST BOY SCOUT) gets a role he can really sink his teeth into, which is fun to watch. 

Daniel, meanwhile, has been trying to fit in at his new school by telling everyone his dad was a fireman hero on 9-11, a colossal lie that snowballs until Laura is caught up in it herself.  This yields both humor and ultimately devastation when they're both found out.  One theme of the film seems to be that lying is just bad all around because the truth always comes out.  I learned that way back in the Our Gang short "Don't Lie" but I guess you can never hear it enough times.  

Ron Leibman's deft comedy touch livens up his turn as Laura's dad, and Sam McMurray (RAISING ARIZONA) is good as an irreverent D.J. (Dion does a cameo as one of his interview subjects).  Chris O'Donnell's okay as Laura's husband, Bob, but he's only in the movie long enough to kick off and throw her life into chaos.  As Kathy's easygoing, henpecked husband Paul, Rob Benedict plays a likable enough character until he confesses that he's always been in love with Laura and starts getting creepy.  In fact, their entire subplot is kind of icky, and the fact that it's part of the emotional heart of the film gives off a "please don't go there" vibe that's averted by mere chance.

Writer-director Michael J. Weithorn, making his feature film debut here, handles the direction and editing well but Fischer and Yelsky's performances are the main reason the story isn't as lightweight as it could've been.  Things still tend to get a little cloying and overly contemplative whenever one of Jakob Dylan's soulful songs intrudes, but that's something you just have to expect when you're watching a film like this. 

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 1.85:1 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 surround sound and English subtitles.  Extras consist of a trailer and TV spot, a Jakob Dylan music video, and a number of thumbnail promotional interviews with cast and director.

The main message of A LITTLE HELP is the usual stand up for yourself, darkest before the dawn stuff.  We see the darkest but we don't see any of the dawn due to a somewhat abrupt ending, so we're left to assume Laura is on the verge of finally getting her head out of her ass.

A LITTLE HELP -- DVD Review by Porfle

Was The Beverly Hillbillies' "Granny" in "Mighty Joe Young"? (1949) (video)

Irene Ryan played crotchety old "Granny"...

...in the hit 1960s TV series "The Beverly Hillbillies."

But in her younger days, Ryan made a brief comedic appearance...

...in the SPFX-heavy monster thriller "Mighty Joe Young" (1949).


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Was The Beverly Hillbillies' "Granny" in "Mighty Joe Young"? (1949) (video)

THE RED SKELTON HOUR IN COLOR: DELUXE EDITION -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/15/17

 

I remember loving "The Red Skelton Hour" when I was a kid, but over the years I sort of lost touch with my former TV comedy pal.  With Time-Life's 22-disc DVD collection THE RED SKELTON HOUR IN COLOR: DELUXE EDITION, I've discovered a treasure trove of prime comedy gold that brings the reasons I loved Red in the first place rushing back in waves of laughter.

One of the most endearing and uninhibited laugh-getters in TV comedy history, Red took an obvious delight in performing which was highly infectious to any audience he happened to be in front of.  One-liners, silly stories, wacky characters and voices, and a master's skill at pantomime were all parts of the comedy arsenal he wielded so exquisitely in his endless quest to entertain.

In these priceless segments, Red is an ad-lib machine who clearly has a ball churning out jokes and one-liners off the cuff while keeping the audience, and often his co-stars, howling with laughter.  This gives the impression that we're watching the dress rehearsal, the preliminary run-through of the show in which everything's loose and improvisational (in his later taped shows, this may in fact be true!)

Red doesn't just break the "fourth wall"; he acts as though it doesn't exist, and never did.  The audience is always in on every joke from start to finish, and his adlibs are almost always directed at them.  This gives the whole thing a delightful audience-participation vibe that heightens our enjoyment of the show.

This is especially true in the early live shows (recorded onto 16mm film as kinescopes) with exciting live-audience performances that capture Red at his most energetic and uninhibited.  Eight discs in this set make up the four-volume "The Red Skelton Show: The Early Years (1951-1955)" which is prime early Red at the beginning of his 20-year network run on NBC and CBS.

These are brisk half-hour shows in black-and-white which are solid comedy save for the occasional musical guest.  Red performs some of his greatest characters including country hick Clem Kadiddlehopper, quickwitted tramp Freddy the Freeloader, washed-up boxer Cauliflower McPugg, tippler Willie Lump-Lump, Sheriff Deadeye, Lord Beaverhead, George Appleby, seagulls Gertrude and Heathcliff, and several others.

Familiar guest performers include Billy Barty, Sheree North, Charles "Buchinski" Bronson, Ann Southern, June Foray, Mike Mazurki, Gil Perkins, Benny Rubin, Ed Sullivan, Johnny Carson, Jackie Gleason, Milton Berle, Bob Hope, and John Wayne, as well as Red's wife Georgia ("Little Red") and kids Valentina and Richard. Red also works the plugs for that night's sponsor, such as Tide or Geritol, into the skits in humorous ways. 

The 10-disc set "The Red Skelton Hour In Color" continues the fun and hilarity onward into Red's later shows with 31 hour-long color episodes from the 60s.  These keep the fun going full-tilt with twice the amount of jokes and pantomime (the latter represented by the regular feature "The Silent Spot").

Among Red's guests are John Wayne (spoofing his "Rooster Cogburn" character), Milton Berle, Martha Raye, Tim Conway, Phyllis Diller, Mickey Rooney, Nipsey Russell, George Gobel, Robert Goulet, Merv Griffin, Mike Connors, Liberace, Carol Wayne, and more.  (Look for ubiquitous extra Bess Flowers in one of the "Silent Spot" segments.)  Musical guests include Simon and Garfunkel, the Fifth Dimension, the Association, and Lou Rawls. 

A special treat for horror fans is the episode featuring guests Boris Karloff and Vincent Price as father-and-son mad scientists who try to turn Clem Kadiddlehopper into a robot.  (Boris and Vincent even sing!)  The set also features a bonus Skelton biography, "America's Clown", and interviews with Vicki Lawrence and Bobby Rydell.

"The Best of Red Skelton: The Complete 20th Season" encompasses Red's final hours of network series TV in 23 episodes on three discs.  These shows get a lot of mileage poking fun at the hippies and other aspects of the era, featuring several then-current stars as well as some old favorites.  Among these are Raymond Burr, Jerry Lewis, Barbara Anderson, Robert Wagner, Jill St. John, Walter Brennan, Gene Barry, Dan Blocker, Eva Gabor, Wally Cox, Tony Randall, Telly Savalas, Godfrey Cambridge, and Michael Landon.

Finally, "Red Skelton: The Farewell Specials" contains four hour-long shows that Red did for HBO years after he'd gone off the air but was still going strong.  "Red Skelton's Christmas Dinner" is a Yuletide Freddy the Freeloader adventure with Vincent Price and Imogene Coca playing fellow vagrants who understand the true meaning of the season.  (Look for Cec Linder, who played Felix Leiter in GOLDFINGER.) 

"More Funny Faces", "Funny Faces III", and "A Royal Command Performance" capture Red's enduring brilliance as a live stage performer as he mesmerizes crowds in Canada and England, including members of the royal family. 

Red Skelton was one of the best stand-up comics of all time and a master of pantomime, endlessly energetic and inventive, appealing to all ages, versatile, and bursting with fun and goodwill.  Even his tendency toward maudlin sentiment can be forgiven (and, if need be, fast-forwarded through) in light of the wealth of comic brilliance one can enjoy watching his priceless recorded performances.  For fans of Red and of comedy in general, THE RED SKELTON HOUR IN COLOR: DELUXE EDITION is a treasure chest of comedy gold.

THE RED SKELTON HOUR IN COLOR: DELUXE EDITION -- DVD Review by Porfle

THE SWAN PRINCESS: KINGDOM OF MUSIC -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/5/19

 

It's been awhile since I saw the previous entry in this series, THE SWAN PRINCESS: ROYALLY UNDERCOVER. and I couldn't quite remember why I'd liked it so much. But just a few minutes into the current sequel, THE SWAN PRINCESS: KINGDOM OF MUSIC (Sony, 2019), was enough to remind me.

For a start, this is some gorgeous computer animation even for a diehard fan of old-fashioned cel animation such as myself.  The settings are all beautiful and well-photographed, creatively directed with a constantly moving camera that's well choreographed with the action.

This, along with the vibrant, often exhilarating colors, gives every scene a pleasing kineticism that I found especially fun to watch.

More importantly, the characters themselves are attractively designed and expressive, conveying all the necessary emotions which are the foundation of what turns out to be a deeply romantic story (unlike the more adventuresome bent of the previous film) with much of the same warmth and wonder of a Miyazaki film, which this reminded me of at times.

Princess Odette and Prince Derek are back, as is their adopted daughter Alise whose upcoming coming-of-age party forms the centerpiece of the story. She's still smitten with our old friend Lucas, a commoner who raises tulips, but he'll have a serious rival when one of the candidates to sing at Alise's ball is handsome Prince Li from Cathay.

Alise and Li's initial mutual hostility soon turns to infatuation, prompting the jealous Lucas to seek the help of royal ally Lord Rogers for some quick ballroom dance lessons that will help him win her heart on the dance floor.

More romantic complications arise when Li's sister, Mei Li, seeks out the help of Swan Princess Odette to help break the spell that has turned her lover, Chen, into a flying, fire-breathing dragon.  In classic tragic romance style, Chen can only assume human form for a few precious minutes at sundown, during which the young lovers enjoy a few brief, desperate moments together.

How these two intertwining romantic subplots are worked out forms the jumping off point for the kind of emotional drama that's not just for the kids in the audience but the adults watching with them as well. Indeed, these stories of young people on the brink of maturity and all the heartache it can bring should prove engaging and relatable to any ages.

In the meantime, the film is aglow with sharp, witty dialogue and clever sight gags performed by lovable supporting characters such as Lord Rogers and Queen Uberta, Li's paternal servant Ru, Puffin the wise bird, and the supercilious French frog Jean-Bob, who, along with Rogers and Umberta, forms the judging panel for the contest to decide which of the hopefuls from countries all over the world gets to sing at Alise's ball.

Resembling a royal episode of "America's Got Talent", these elaborate singing auditions elevate the film's musical quotient although most of the songs are poppy, auto-tuned fluff designed to make Li's two tuneful numbers sound even more substantial in comparison.

His second song, "Goodbye", is one of the emotional highpoints and a major reason why the story should appeal not just to kids and tweeners, but to any adult who enjoys an opulently-staged musical of this caliber.

The DVD from Sony Pictures Home Entertainment is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with English, French, and Spanish Dolby 5.1 sound and English subtitles.  Extras include two sing-a-long segments, trailers for other Sony releases, and a featurette in which director Richard Rich demonstrates his very hands-on technique of acting out each role for the animators to use as a guide.  Picture and sound quality are excellent. 

With THE SWAN PRINCESS: KINGDOM OF MUSIC, there's always something dazzling happening to keep us interested from start to finish.  And along with its more joyfully fanciful elements, the story is both refreshingly mature and relatable enough to stimulate youthful minds without insulting their burgeoning intelligence.


Format: NTSC
Language: English
Region: All Regions
Number of discs: 1
Rated: G (General Audience)
Studio: Sony Pictures Entertainment
DVD Release Date: August 6, 2019
Run Time: 83 minutes

THE SWAN PRINCESS: KINGDOM OF MUSIC -- DVD Review by Porfle

ALIEN AGENT -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

 

Canadian sci-fi/action flick ALIEN AGENT (2007) began as a somewhat more ambitious vehicle for Dolph Lundgren. First announced in 2000, it went through several proposed cast members and directors (including Sidney J. Furie, John Fries, and Roger Christian), and an apparent reduction in scope, before finally going before the cameras in 2006 with "The Crow: Stairway to Heaven" star Mark Dacascos in the lead and acclaimed stunt coordinator Jesse Johnson (PIT FIGHTER) in the director's chair.

Dacascos plays Rykker, an intergalactic lawman who is trying to stop fellow aliens Saylon (Billy Zane) and Isis (Amelia Cooke) from opening up a wormhole between their planet and Earth to facilitate their conquest of the human race. 

After Isis and her goons murder the only remaining family of truckstop waitress Julie (Emma Lahana, "Power Rangers"), she hooks up with Rykker to help him stop the invaders and falls in love with him in the process. Meanwhile, the construction of a stargate between the two planets continues in an abandoned power station, where the final battle for Earth's fate will take place.

Despite the loftier aims initially attached to this project, the final result doesn't look much different from standard Sci-Fi Channel fare, but with extra violence and brief nudity added. Vlady Pildysh's sketchy script is pure pulp, with good aliens vs. bad aliens (who have taken over human bodies so that very little special makeup is required) battling each other with guns and martial arts in normal everyday settings. Even the stargate which features prominently in the finale is little more than a big, rotating plastic ring with some CGI sparkles added.

What ALIEN AGENT does have going for it is an abundance of action. Blazing shoot-em-ups and fierce hand-to-hand battles occur in quick succession with brief snippets of story to link them together. The martial arts sequences are well-staged and convincingly executed, and are edited so that the rapid-fire shots flow together very smoothly. The gunfights and car chases are similarly impressive, with an abundance of satisfying explosions and other mayhem. 

One early moment which got my attention shows warrior woman Isis firing a bazooka from a moving truck and blasting the pursuing Rykker's car right off the road, all in one shot; another finds her blowing up half the cars and trucks in a parking lot as Rykker makes off in another vehicle. The only detriment in these scenes is director Johnson's unfortunate tendency to try and accentuate the action with jittery zoom-in, zoom-out camarawork, which never fails to make even big-budget movies look rinky-dink (as Michael Bay demonstrated in THE ROCK's big San Francisco car chase).

Dacascos, with his soulful demeanor and martial arts skills, is well-suited for the role of Rykker, while Emma Lahana makes for a spunky sidekick. On the bad alien side, Amelia Cooke plays a pretty convincing Isis, but Billy Zane doesn't appear to be investing much in the role of the evil leader Saylon; in fact, he seems to be having more fun playing the baseball-capped yahoo whose body Saylon inhabits upon his arrival on Earth. In a lesser role, the great Kim Coates, who was Chet in the celebrated "Touch me again, I'll kill ya" scene from THE LAST BOY SCOUT, makes a welcome appearance as a sniveling human scientist in league with his future alien overlords.

DVD specs include 1:78:1 widescreen, Spanish subtitles, and a trailer. This Allumination Filmworks release is rated R for violence and brief nudity, the latter consisting mainly of a nude shot of a showering Julie which appears to have been done by a body double with great abs.

Though not quite the sci-fi epic originally conceived, ALIEN AGENT is an action-packed diversion that's fun to watch as long as you keep your expectations low.

 

ALIEN AGENT -- DVD Review by Porfle