COOPERS' CHRISTMAS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/14/10

 

This movie used to be called COOPERS' CAMERA until somebody realized that it's kind of dumb to make a Christmas movie with absolutely no reference to Christmas in the title.  So they renamed it COOPERS' CHRISTMAS (2008) and stressed the fact that it stars Jason Jones and Samantha Bee of "The Daily Show", which I've never watched.  At first, I was wishing I didn't have to watch this movie, either, but little by little the darn thing just grew on me.  Like a fungus.

To say that COOPERS' CHRISTMAS is low-class would be a gross understatement.  If you're expecting that odd mixture of warmth and irreverence that makes NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION a perennial family favorite, think again--this movie isn't aiming for that at all.  Instead, it dispenses with any attempts at "warmth" and zeroes in on the awkward, uncomfortable, increasingly grotesque, and ultimately nightmarish experience of being in claustrophobic quarters with a family so dysfunctional it's amazing they can stand to be in the same house with each other. 

The idea here is that back in 1985, the Cooper family patriarch, Gord (Jones) has obtained a newfangled video camera from their sex-maniac neighbor, Bill Davidson (Dave Foley), in lieu of the $2,000 Bill owes him--money which Gord's pregnant wife, Nancy (Bee) was counting on for their big vacation at Orlando's Disney World.  As the festive occasion steadily deteriorates into an ordeal of disillusionment and chaos, youngest son Teddy (Nick McKinlay) uses the new video camera to record every ugly development.
 

 

Jayne Eastwood is hideously funny as Nancy's chain-smoking mother Nana, who insists that everyone eat mushrooms on toast for breakfast because it's an "old country" tradition.  Older son Marcus (Dylan Everett) is the ultimate nerd, throwing a fit because Dad has given him cheap imitations of the Star Wars toys he wanted for Christmas (such as a crappy Mr. Potato Head plush doll that's supposed to be Jabba the Hut) in addition to a new snow shovel and a stocking full of rock salt.  "Marcus, you're 17 years old," Gord reasons with him later.  "I think it's time you learned the truth about Santa.  He don't always bring you what you want."

Things get worse as the house fills up with relatives.  Gord's brother-in-law Nick (Mike Beaver, who co-wrote the script with Jones) is the ultimate booze-guzzling, un-PC-joke spewing, crude-as-hell middle-aged frat rat, whose idea of humor is to hump everything.  When Nancy's sisters show up, Aunt Bev's juvenile delinquent son Wayne steals Gord's car and Aunt Joan's gleefully insufferable little brat Dougie roundhouse-punches Gord right in the balls, eliciting my second genuine belly laugh of the movie.  Poppy, Nana's feeble, estranged husband, also gets groin-punched by Dougie as he sits in his wheelchair, prompting a frantic trip to the hospital.

The worst is yet to come, however, with the appearance of Gord's brother Tim, whom he hasn't spoken to in 17 years since Tim got overly "familiar" with Nancy on their wedding night while Gord lay passed out.  Worldly travel agent Tim is a real smoothie who wins over all the ladies with his charm and immediately starts putting the moves on Nancy again, eventually wearing down the frustrated housewife's defenses.  This leads to a showdown between the brothers that grows to outlandish proportions.

Personal revelations begin to emerge--Gord's sons learn disturbing new things about their parentage, the already-insecure Marcus discovers that he might not even be 100% male, and Gord reveals a sexual hang-up that even prompts Nick to flee in disgust.  At one point, Gord gets to have a tearfully heartfelt reconciliation scene with Nancy that's so mock-maudlin that I was impressed by the film's unapologetic emotional insincerity.


 

Unlike Chevy Chase's likable, well-meaning Clark Griswold, Gord is a crude, childish, insensitive jerk who makes Homer Simpson look like Cary Grant.  Gord and Nick are all over this movie like two Neanderthals in heat as they inhale increasing quantities of "Christmas cheer" and act out their most childish impulses while Gord's family situation falls to pieces around him.  Before it's all over, Gord will lock everyone out of the house in the freezing cold and drunkenly lay waste to Christmas dinner, thoughtfully shoving some turkey under Nana's door for when she wakes up.

Director Warren P. Sonoda pulls off the idea of having everything occur through the lens of a video camera pretty well, even though the performances aren't always strictly "real-life" convincing.  The script never slows down, constantly moving from one lowbrow gag to the next and throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks. 

The period humor is fun--Teddy remarks about how small the bulky video camera is, and while discussing Gord's impotence Nick jokes that someday doctors might invent some kind of "penis pill" to enhance virility. Even when it isn't funny, COOPERS' CHRISTMAS is trainwreck-interesting to watch once you become accustomed to where it's coming from.  And every five minutes or so something happens that is genuinely laugh-out-loud funny.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen and Dolby Digital 5.1 sound, with English subtitles.  Extras include a director and producer commentary, a behind-the-scenes featurette, and a trailer.

COOPERS' CHRISTMAS just might become a holiday tradition for those who find the adventures of Clark Griswold and his family too highbrow and sophisticated.  I don't think it'll ever replace A CHRISTMAS STORY as the popular family favorite, though, unless your idea of family entertainment is seeing Dave Foley's cottage-cheese buttcheeks or watching Jason Jones pound one out on the john. 
 

COOPERS' CHRISTMAS -- DVD Review by Porfle

RED CHRISTMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/24/17

 

A movie that might also have been called "When Abortions Attack!", RED CHRISTMAS (Artsploitation Films, 2016) is a pretty effective cautionary tale about what can happen if your viable aborted fetus is rescued by the guy who's about to blow up the abortion clinic, grows up into a twisted, deformed freak, and then returns as an adult on Christmas Day to wreak bloody revenge on his erstwhile mother and her comically dysfunctional family. 

Of course, any such film must star beloved genre queen Dee Wallace as the mom, who so desperately wants a traditional, happy family get-together despite having a woefully untraditional, unhappy family with absolutely no intention of getting together.  Her only solace is son Jerry (Gerard Odwyer), whose Downs Syndrome only makes him more special in Mommy's heart.

The rest of the clan includes the rebellious teen girl, her witheringly cynical and very, very pregnant older sister, the ultra-religious sister whose husband is a pious man of the cloth, and Mom's old-hippie brother who is forever puffing away on his medicinal marijuana. 

The prickly interactions amongst this motley bunch, spurred by various family issues and clashing personalities, would be sufficient for a twisted "Big Chill" sort of ensemble dramedy were it not for the fact that their ritual of exchanging gifts around the Christmas tree is interrupted by the entrance of one Cletus, an extremely creepy figure robed in black and wrapped from head to toe like a leper. 

Anyone who watches the abortion clinic prologue and then gets a load of Cletus should have very little trouble putting two and two together as well as mentally mapping out pretty much what territory the rest of RED CHRISTMAS is going to cover. 

All that's left to discover is who's gonna die in what order, how (and how bad) it's going to be, and whether or not first-time writer-director Craig Anderson will be able to make it entertaining for us jaded old slasher-flick junkies. 

Of course, the movie has already proven itself absorbing and fun thanks to good dialogue and performances and a pleasing overall look which includes nicely creative use of color and camera movement. 

Once the axe hits the skull and Cletus starts racking up his body count, the story goes into high gear and keeps us on our toes even though most of the plot's twists and turns cover pretty familiar ground. 

Granted, things start to lag a bit in the second half, but remain generally engaging enough to keep us wanting to see what happens next.  The kills range from teasing glimpses to graphic gore (although this isn't really a gorehound's dream) while our fleeting glimpse of Cletus sans facial bandages drives home the pleasingly retro nature of the film's practical effects. 

The tone is mock serious, with any humor that's inherent in the script kept utterly deadpan and never overt, which I like.  I also like the fact that the premise is so refreshingly different from the usual teens-in-a-cabin or campers-in-the-woods slasher fare while retaining the better elements of such films.

Mainly, though, RED CHRISTMAS lets us enjoy watching the wonderful Dee Wallace giving her all in a great role while fun and entertaining murder, mayhem, and carnage ensue all around her.  It's enough to give horror fans a little taste of Christmas right here in the middle of August.



August 25th Theatrical Release:
Laemmle Music Hall 3
9036 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills, CA 90211

Red Christmas: English / Australia / 82 minutes

RED CHRISTMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle

THE MERRY GENTLEMAN -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 12/6/16

 

Kate Frazier has an abusive husband, so she runs away to find a new life in another city.  She meets a man named Frank who, although quietly enigmatic, seems very nice.  Trouble is, Frank is a suicidal hitman whose next victim just might be himself.  And yes, Kate really knows how to pick 'em.

In Michael Keaton's 2009 directorial debut THE MERRY GENTLEMAN (Breaking Glass Pictures), Kelly Macdonald (TRAINSPOTTING, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN) is appealing as Kate, who's quite likable herself and makes friends easily in her new office job.  When someone in her building is killed by a sniper (guess who), the investigating cop, Detective Dave Murcheson (Tom Bastounes), is smitten with Kate himself after questioning her about a man she saw teetering on the ledge of the building across the way. 

The man was our own suicidal Frank, who fell back out of danger when she screamed.  Grateful, Frank manages to meet Kate (they have a cute Christmas tree interlude) and they become friends.  It's the old story of two unlikely people reaching out to each other in a time of need.  And Kate's need grows even more urgent when her husband Michael (Bobby Cannavale, ANT MAN, 10 ITEMS OR LESS) tracks her down and shows up in her apartment, claiming to have been "born again."

Since we don't know if Michael's really a changed man or not, and we really kind of doubt it--as does Kate--this is where we think, "Hmm...good time for Kate to have a new best friend who's a professional hitman."  I wouldn't dream of giving away what happens next, but that's pretty much the set-up, and it's an intriguing one.

Keaton, of course, plays one of those palatable "movie" hitmen who, unlike their counterparts in real life who are nothing more or less than the absolute scum of the earth, we can actually like and identify with.  This nattily-dressed "gentleman" is even so thoughtful that he stops to set right a nativity figure that's fallen down.

Frank has developed a sour stomach for the job and his heart just isn't in it anymore.  So we pretty much buy that he can actually have a sweetly platonic relationship with an emotionally needy woman, especially since this relationship is plausibly simple and avoids getting overly cute.  (With the possible exception of the Christmas tree interlude.)

Michael Keaton, who, of course, we know and love from BATMAN, BEETLEJUICE, NIGHT SHIFT, and MR. MOM, among other things, plays Frank with remarkable restraint and doesn't veer too far into false sentiment to make him more likable.  His scenes with Kelly Macdonald also never try too hard to push our "aww" buttons. 

In fact, THE MERRY GENTLEMAN is so low-key and restrained overall that it barely tries to evoke much in the way of strong feeling from us at all.  It pretty much just shows us stuff happening in a very matter-of-fact way as we watch helplessly. 

Kate and Frank's oddball mutual attraction, Detective Murcheson's sudden infatuation with Kate and clumsy attempts to court her, the complications that ensue when Michael reappears--it all plays itself out with much the same sort of narrative detachment as THE BICYCLE THIEF.

As a director, Keaton lets it all unfold with a slowburn pace, which suits his non-sensationalistic handling of this material well.  He has a very neat visual style that I found quite pleasing, with the same taste and restraint that he applies to the story itself.

If you're looking for gritty cop-noir or tense action, this isn't going to ring your chimes.  More than anything, THE MERRY GENTLEMAN is a character study, albeit a decidedly unusual one, and goes for subtle emotional responses rather than exploiting the subject matter for suspense or thrills.  As such, I found this thoughtful, melancholy mood piece well worth devoting some time to.

THE MERRY GENTLEMAN -- Movie Review by Porfle

CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle

(Originally posted on 8/28/12)


When we last checked in with those wacky half-brothers Caesar and Otto, they were frantically eluding the bloody clutches of a serial killer in CAESAR & OTTO'S SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE and trying not to get sued by the Prince of Darkness himself in CAESAR & OTTO MEET DRACULA'S LAWYER.  Now, with CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS (2012), even "the most wonderful time of the year" becomes a nightmare of horror and hilarity for our dauntless dim-bulbs.

Directing his own screenplay (from a story co-written with Joe Randazzo) in his usual frenetic and wildly inventive style, indy auteur Dave Campfield once again stars as "effete tough guy" Caesar Denovio, a whirling dervish of cowardly aggression who fancies himself a great actor even though he bungles even the tiniest bit parts (such as "Waiter" or "Background Pedestrian").

Caesar constantly bullies and beats up on his much larger but mild-mannered half-brother Otto (Paul Chomicki), an unemployed "sponge" living in Caesar's apartment.  Together, Campfield and Chomicki form a comedy team that harkens back to such classic duos as Abbott & Costello and Ren & Stimpy, but with their own amusingly unique style.

Several elements from SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE are carried over here, including Caesar and Otto's quest for employment leading them into the manipulative clutches of the deceptively pleasant Jerry (Ken MacFarlane), who now heads an evil organization called XMas Enterprises.  Caesar gets to display his bad-acting chops again, this time failing his audition to play Santa due to a childhood trauma caused by crazy Grandpa Denovio (a hilarious cameo by Troma's Lloyd Kaufman).

There's a road trip complete with endearingly bad (if not impossible) process shots, along with another of Caesar's BABY JANE-style attacks on Otto as they compete for the same acting role.  The suspenseful climax recalls that of the previous film, with Caesar, Otto, and their dad Fred in grave peril at the hands of Jerry and his minions.

One of the most delightfully funny new wrinkles in DEADLY XMAS is when Caesar gets the chance to write, direct, and star in his very own low-budget horror film (financed by XMas Enterprises) which, of course, is a disaster.  "Hand-hold it, the shakier the better!" he says gleefully during one scene.  "That's, like, never done in independent films!"

 

Other returning castmembers include Robin Ritter as Nurse Helen, Avi K. Garg as the plucky Drew (who remains upbeat even though he keeps losing his arms and having them reattached), Scott Aguilar as Caesar and Otto's no-good but lovable dad Fred, Summer Ferguson as Otto's boyhood love interest Allison, Keith Bush as the Caesar-hating chief of police, Dawn Burdue, Jen Nikolaus, and Derek Crabbe. 

Felissa Rose (SLEEPAWAY CAMP), Martin Sheen's brother Joe Estevez, and scream queens Brinke Stevens and Debbie Rochon make their customary cameo appearances, while Linnea Quigley plays Caesar's crabby agent Donna and recreates her celebrated death scene from 1984's SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT.

Felissa's husband Deron Miller, who had a much smaller role in SUMMER CAMP MASSACRE, plays Santa-clad serial killer Demian, a crazed lackey of XMas Enterprises who becomes fixated on our heroes and starts killing off everyone on the "called to cancel" list for Caesar's annual Thanksgiving feast (which features pretzel sticks, popcorn, and toast on picnic plates).  Demian's axe-wielding exploits supply the film with most of its over-the-top comedic gore, aside from a dream sequence in which a mortified Caesar gets drenched from head to toe in the red stuff while Santa dismembers Otto with a chainsaw.

Once again, Dave Campfield is able to overcome a rock-bottom budget simply by means of creative directing, camerawork, and editing (the latter is especially good), along with sound design and a hyperkinetic pace which recall classic theatrical cartoons.  In addition to this, the cast is brimming with talented performers rather than, as in so many low-budget features, a bunch of nitwits thrown together on the cheap.  There's a lot of good comic acting going on here, with each castmember seemingly inspired by the project.

This is especially true in regard to Campfield himself, who, given the right resources, has (in my opinion) the potential to develop into one of the sharpest and most visually creative comedy filmmakers working today.  While still suffering from a lack of polish that a decent budget would solve, his "Caesar and Otto" series has its own distinctly warped slapstick style and sensibility in the same way that, say, the Zucker Brothers' comedies do.  I'm not saying Dave Campfield is the next Buster Keaton, but I think ol' Stone Face might've gotten a few good laughs out of CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS.

caesarandotto.com

Caesar & Otto’s Deadly Xmas--Fun Facts and Trivia

Story: With the holiday season approaching, Caesar and Otto find themselves employed at X-Mas Enterprises Inc., where a disgruntled employee wearing a Santa suit has begun a killing spree, and has appeared to have found himself the perfect patsies.

Cast: Dave Campfield, Paul Chomicki, Deron Miller, Ken Macfarlane, Summer Ferguson, Brinke Stevens, Scott Aguilar with special appearances from Lloyd Kaufman, Felissa Rose, Debbie Rochon, Joe Estevez and Linnea Quigley.


Trivia

The film is part spoof of 1984’s Silent Night, Deadly Night, and features many direct homages. Most notably, Linnea Quigley being impaled upon antlers.

Lloyd Kaufman’s appearance is a direct spoof of an opening scene from Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984).

Deadly Xmas is a sequel to Caesar & Otto’s Summer Camp Massacre, which lampooned “Sleep away Camp” (1983). Summer Camp featured Felissa Rose in a role that parodied her Angela character from the original.

Deron Miller, who portrays Demian in this feature, was lead singer of the hit rock group, CKY.

Deron Miller and Felissa Rose play husband and wife in the film. In real life they in fact are.

Neil Leeds is in fact a local Los Angeles celebrity known for his around the clock television ads as Leeds Mattress owner and spokesperson.

Preproduction has begun on the next installment, which will satirize both Halloween and the Paranormal Activity movies.

Intended to be a modern day throw back to the Abbott and Costello horror/comedy crossovers of yesteryear.

 

CAESAR AND OTTO'S DEADLY XMAS -- Movie Review by Porfle

Porfle's Movie Trivia #3: "A Christmas Story" (1983) (video)

In one of the most beloved Christmas movies of all time...

Ralphie's little brother Randy is an extremely picker eater.

But which food does he find especially revolting? 

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

 

Porfle's Movie Trivia #3: "A Christmas Story" (1983) (video)