BELOVED BEAST -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 4/23/19

 

An impressive, often brilliant horror-thriller that's miles above much of what's coming out of the genre these days, BELOVED BEAST (Indican Pictures, 2018) excells on almost all levels and comes off like something Quentin Tarantino might do if he really got serious about making a grim, mind-bending horror movie.

Nina (Sanae Loutsis) is the injured survivor of a car crash that kills her parents and puts her in the home of a surly, irresponsible aunt, Erma Ritz (Joy Yaholkovsky), who doesn't want her.  Erma's a dopehead who is friends with the lowest elements in town including its worst criminal, Ash (Earl Gray), who deals not only in drugs but human trafficking as well, and will soon set his sights on Nina.

Meanwhile, the biggest, craziest, scariest psycho ever (Jonathan Holbrook as "Milton Treadwell") has just turned the asylum into a corpse-strewn charnel house and escaped into the wild.  A horribly disfigured behemoth with the mind of a ten-year-old, Milton will eventually murder his way to Nina, who will mistake him for the Rabbit King in her favorite fantasy story that her parents used to read to her.

There's a lot of story contriving going on here, but it all works so well that we don't really care. Milton ends up wearing the big rabbit-head mask that belonged to Nina's father and protecting her from all potential harm, mainly by slinging a hefty wooden mallet that smashes skulls with one blow. 

Milton smashes a lot of skulls in this movie--sometimes those belonging to people who deserve a good skull smashing, and sometimes to nice people in the wrong place, wrong time.

But lest you think BELOVED BEAST is just some slasher/smasher flick, writer-director Jonathan Holbrook (TALL MEN, CUSTOMER 152) has crafted this thing like a true artiste, loading it to the gills with fascinating characters exchanging sharp, smart dialogue and situations that are either tongue-in-cheek funny (I love the scenes between the jaded police chief and his constantly appalled rookie deputy) or blood-chillingly grim (as when Ash meets "The Belgian", a bad guy so vile and inhuman that even he is taken aback). 

Direction and photography are top-notch, as is a cast of excellent actors making the most of their fully-rounded, often eccentric characters, each of whom contributes added delight to the story.  The narrative often lapses into a sort of fever dream quality, as when Erma's drug-fueled house party turns surreal or Nina's head injury has her imagining rabbit-headed, hammer-wielding Milton as her fairytale savior.

Switching easily between horror film and ultra-gritty crime thriller that's occasionally dipped in delirium, BELOVED BEAST is one of the most heady, engaging, and thoroughly entertaining movies I've seen in the last ten years. It's only flaw is its length--at almost three hours, the ending is stretched out way longer than necessary--but its overall awesomeness more than makes up for being a bit too much of a good thing. 

BELOVED BEAST -- Movie Review by Porfle

The Infamous Jump Cut in "Night of the Living Dead" (1968) (video)

In George Romero's classic 1968 zombie thriller, "Night of the Living Dead", there's a glaring jump cut...

...where several minutes of dialogue have been removed.

It comes right in the middle of a shot.

Here is one suggestion for eliminating the jump cut.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

The Infamous Jump Cut in "Night of the Living Dead" (1968) (video)

THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 11/28/08

 

Taking over the directorial reins from Stephen Sommers, Rob Cohen (DRAGONHEART, XXX) continues the saga of Rick and Evy O'Connell and their never-ending battle against mummies in 2008's THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR. If you didn't like the first two, chances are this one won't win you over either. If you did like them, you should have an exceedingly good time.

A lengthy prologue tells the story of Emperor Han (Jet Li), a ruthless conqueror who's bent on ruling the world with an iron fist. He summons the aid of a beautiful witch, Zi Juan (Michelle Yeoh), to make him immortal, but when she falls in love with his trusted General Ming, the jealous emperor condemns them both to death. Zi Juan then places a terrible curse on him, turning him and his entire army into terra cotta statues.

Cut to 1946, as a retired Rick and Evy's grown-up son Alex (Luke Ford), now an action archeologist like his parents, uncovers the emperor's tomb. Needless to say, old clayhead gets resurrected and sets off to find the legendary city of Shangri-La, where he'll be able to shed himself of the curse once and for all, reanimate his terra cotta army, and conquer the world.

All our favorite characters are back, though some have changed a bit. Evy looks a lot more like Maria Bello than Rachel Weisz these days, which is cool since I've always been a fan of the lovely Maria. Luke Ford is a reasonable grown-up version of son Alex, who displays character traits from both parents--intelligence from his mom, recklessness from his dad. And speaking of Dad, Brendan Fraser is his usual wonderful self, able to perform comedy and action heroics with equal skill as few other actors can. John Hannah returns as Evy's cowardly brother Jonathan, while newcomers to the Mummy saga, Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh, add a whole new dimension to everything, as does Isabella Leong as Lin, Zi Juan's daughter and love interest for Alex. A particularly welcome presence is Anthony Wong (INFERNAL AFFAIRS, EXILED) as the Emperor's toady, General Yang.

Rob Cohen's direction and editing are too busy-looking at times, and I found myself wishing he'd just keep the camera still more often. Another thing that bugged me is the frequent use of less-than-convincing CGI. Of course, that's something I should be used to by now after watching the first two MUMMY films, yet it always seems to take me out of the movie.

Some of it works--an avalanche that threatens to annihilate the O'Connell party in the Himalayas looks pretty awesome, as do some of the climactic battle scenes between the Emperor's army and a horde of ancient undead summoned to engage them. The Yeti are another story, though, along with some of the character animation of Jet Li and the various supernatural creatures that he turns into (one of which bears a startling resemblance to Ghidrah). But if the digital monsters in the first two MUMMY movies or in Sommers' own VAN HELSING didn't bother you, then you shouldn't have any problem with these.

That said, there is a ton of exciting action setpieces in this film. A lengthy chase scene down the crowded streets of Shanghai is a highlight, and a fierce gun battle in the Himalayas is pretty intense. The clash between the terra cotta army and the undead is reminiscent of RETURN OF THE KING's main battle sequence. Along the way we're treated to lots of hard-hitting fistfights and other mayhem, and we even get to see Chinese superstars Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh go at it. The settings for these scenes are fantastic, including some impressive standing sets found in China (such as the old Shanghai streets) and numerous actual locations. Interior sets constructed for the Canadian phase of the shoot are also quite lavish.

Presented in anamorphic widescreen 2.40:1 with Dolby Digital 5.1 and 2.0 sound, the movie looks and sounds great. Disc one of the deluxe edition features some deleted and extended scenes and a scene-specific commentary from director Cohen. Disc two includes featurettes "Preparing for Battle with Brendan Fraser and Jet Li", "The Making of The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor", "Jet Li: Crafting the Emperor Mummy", "Creating New and Supernatural Worlds", "Legacy of the Terra Cotta", "A Call to Action: The Casting Process", and "From City to Desert." Subtitles are in English, French, and Spanish, and there's even one of those tracks for the hard-of-seeing with a narrator breathlessly describing what's going on ("Rick ducks behind a column as the Emperor throws a fireball!")

While perhaps not the best in the series (I still prefer the second one), THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR is a welcome continuation of Rick and Evy's seriocomic adventures. Extravagant, action-packed, funny, and loaded with dazzling imagery, it's what the term "dumb fun" is all about.

THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR -- DVD Review by Porfle

Dwight Frye's 5 Most Unhinged Horror Movie Creeps (video)

Dwight Frye dreamt of someday returning to musical comedy, which he'd performed for years on the Broadway stage.

But this was not to be once he became typecast as one of the screen's leading loons.

Here's are five examples of this...

Dracula (1931)
Frankenstein (1931)
Vampire Bat (1933)
Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
Dead Men Walk (1943)

Dwight Frye died shortly after being cast in a screen biography of Woodrow Wilson.

At the time, he was working as a draftsman for the Lockheed Aircraft Company.

On the death certificate, his profession was listed as "tool designer."

But it is in the horror film where he is truly immortalized.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Dwight Frye's 5 Most Unhinged Horror Movie Creeps (video)

BAD LUCKY GOAT -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/8/17

 

Not quite the "boy and his goat" story I expected, BAD LUCKY GOAT (Film Movement, 2017) is more the story of a boy, his older sister, and their goat head.

It starts out as an entire dead goat but they sell the carcass to a butcher, trade the skin for a watch that someone found on the beach, and hang onto the head until they're convinced that it's the cause of all the bad juju they've been suffering since leaving the house.

But that's just the bare bones of what happens on that ill-fated day when Cornelius ("Corn" for short) and his sister Rita, while heatedly arguing about things as usual, smash the family truck into an escaped goat while on an errand for their parents in a rural village in the Caribbean. 

The damaged truck and the dead goat are problems the two will spend the rest of the day trying to solve, and their troubles only increase when they do so by lying, cheating, and generally avoiding responsibility whenever possible.

They're likable kids, though, despite constantly being at each other's throats as siblings often are.  Their misdeeds really aren't so bad that we can't identify with them--mostly--and they do keep us entertained not only with their attempts to earn enough to have the truck fixed (hence the goat carcass transaction and various other bartering attempts) but also by ending up on the wrong side of the local crime boss whose goat it was in the first place, not to mention the police.

We get to meet a succession of colorful characters, most of whom are either earning a meager living without getting all that worked up about it or making cheerful indigenous music in peaceful natural surroundings with their friends. 

I enjoyed listening to their Creole patois, which I only recognized as a form of English after listening to it for a few minutes (I challenge anyone who speaks English to decipher the dialogue without the subtitles). 

During all this we get a chance to drink in the beautiful tropical scenery and mostly laid-back ambience while the story ambles along at its own unhurried pace just like a reggae song.  (With a little kidnapping, cock-fighting, and other things thrown in to spice things up.)

Colombian director Samir Oliveros doesn't try to grip us with any big drama or hilarity, and there isn't a chase to cut to.  This gives us time to get to know Corn and Rita, and watch them gradually and somewhat begrudgingly grow closer during their long day of tedious travails which will test both their mettle and their basic humanity. 

This relationship is what the film is really all about, and its sweetly-rendered resolution makes watching BAD LUCKY GOAT not unlike a soothing balm for the soul. 

Buy it from Film Movement

Extras:

Bonus short film "Miss World" by director Georgia Fu
Film Movement trailers

5.1 Surround Sound/2.0 Stereo
2.40:1 Widescreen
Creole With English Subtitles
76 Minutes

BAD LUCKY GOAT -- DVD Review by Porfle

SHATTERED -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 12/20/17

 

Sometimes it's a chore to watch one of those Lifetime Channel-type dramas that gets a female protagonist into an untenable situation and then pulls out all the predictable stops to get her out of it.

Every once in a while, though, I find myself in the middle of one and stop and think: "Hmm...I'm enjoying this."  It's such a pleasant surprise that I'm compelled to regard the movie in a much more charitable light rather than wincing at every tired plot turn or turgid dialogue exchange.

In the case of SHATTERED (2017), the surprise doesn't stop there. In fact, it's full of surprises.  Just when things seem headed in the old familiar directions and we settle in to see them played out, the movie deftly sidesteps expectations and heads down an entirely different avenue.  Not just once, but several times--enough to keep us not just interested, but intrigued.

Molly Burnett (THE WEDDING PARTY, "Days of Our Lives") stars as Maureen, a smalltown single girl who meets, falls for, and marries Ken (Tom Malloy, HERO OF THE UNDERWORLD), the son of the town's wealthiest man.  They adopt a son named Logan, have a daughter named Emma, and start living the happy, carefree lives of the upper-class married.

But not is all as it seems.  Tom's father, Forest Burnett (the venerable Ray Wise, "Twin Peaks" ROBOCOP, THE AGGRESSION SCALE, HALLOWEED, CHILLERAMA), is an aspiring big fish/little pond politician whose fake smile masks a volatile demeanor as well as some deep, dark secrets.  His trophy wife Kate (Arianne Zucker) knows the secrets, but is trapped by fear and dependence. 

Maureen's trapped too but she just doesn't know it yet. Things start to go wrong when her adopted son Logan turns out to be a deeply troubled mental case who wields sharp instruments and mutters "Kill!"  Attempts to find out about his real parents and get professional help for him are blocked by the Burnetts, who fear the bad publicity. 

Or, in Forest's case, is there even more to it than that?  Of course there is, and thereby hinges the inevitable morass of marital and parental disaster that we're about to watch Maureen wade through like a leech-infested swamp for the next 90 minutes or so.

As I said, it all sounds so comfortingly yet tiresomely predictable, until something happens that comes right out of left field and changes everything. This messes with all our predictions to a degree that we're never quite sure what's going to come out of left field next. 

Not that any of it is particularly world-shaking, mind you.  The story progresses at a leisurely pace, with none of the dramatic intensity or thriller-type incidents usually found in these films (thus thwarting expectations yet again), and plays itself out with a sort of off-kilter calm. 

I was halfway through the big climactic scene before I realized it was the big climactic scene--that's how deceptively unsensational this story is.  It's just engaging enough to hold our attention and make us want to stick around to see how it all plays out. 

Direction by Natasha Kermani (IMITATION GIRL) is capable, with adequate-to-good performances.  Old pro Ray Wise comes off best, naturally, as does Arianne Zucker (once a co-star with Molly Burnett on "Days of Our Lives") as Forest's morally-conflicted wife.  Morgan Freeman's son Alfonso appears briefly as a mental health doctor.

I haven't revealed much about the plot (madness, infidelity, scandal, etc.) because finding out is the fun part.  SHATTERED is like a passable TV-movie that gradually evolves from dull to interesting and manages to stay that way until the end, which is more than I can say for a lot of movies I've seen.


Official site

SHATTERED -- DVD Review by Porfle

"BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE" Star Charms Johnny Carson (1959)(video)

In 1959, actress and model Lola Mason played "Donna Williams" in the film "The Brain That Wouldn't Die."

(It wouldn't be released until 1962.)

That same year, Lola was a contestant on the game show "Who Do You Trust?"

It was hosted by a young Johnny Carson.

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

"BRAIN THAT WOULDN'T DIE" Star Charms Johnny Carson (1959)(video)

GANGSTER'S PARADISE: JERUSALEMA -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 9/30/10

 

With Rapulana Seiphemo giving a deftly controlled performance in the lead role of South African crime lord Lucky Kunene, the fact-based GANGSTER'S PARADISE: JERUSALEMA (2008) isn't the sadistically violent crime thriller I was expecting.  Instead of killing his way to success, university dropout Lucky gets there by using his keen business acumen against South Africa's crooked slumlords.

Not to say that the film isn't violent, because everyday life in Lucky's world can be deadly.  We join him and his best friend Zakes as kids under the unsavory influence of their hood-hero Nazareth (Jeffrey Zekele), who teaches them, among other things, how to carjack for a living.  These early scenes--some of which, unlike the rest of the film, are quite funny--reveal Lucky as a sensitive boy who cares for his family and wants to better himself by earning his way through college.  But the lure of easy money is too strong, and before long he and Zakes buy guns and are stealing cars and robbing stores. 

When Nazareth watches Michael Mann's HEAT on television one day, he gets the idea to duplicate that film's armored car robbery in the first overtly violent sequence, with the two shocked boys witnessing senseless death firsthand.  Later, their criminal mentor stages a "smash-and-grab" store robbery that results in a bullet-riddled bloodbath when scores of cops and security guards show up with guns blazing.  As in later action scenes, this shootout isn't designed as a flamboyantly cinematic setpiece like the ones in HEAT or SCARFACE, but is staged in a matter-of-fact style that makes it seem more realistic.

 
Lucky flees Soweto to crime-infested "Jo'burg" as a hunted fugitive, where we rejoin him ten years later driving a cab.  When he's almost killed by rival cabbies whose territory he's encroached on, Lucky decides to use his brains to get ahead.  That's when he hatches a scheme to force local slumlords out of their own buildings along with the drug dealers and hookers infesting them, and start collecting all that rent money himself.  Pretending to side with the tenants, he's hailed as a Robin Hood by the public while the police, led by Detective Swart (Robert Hobbs), make it their business to bring him down in any way necessary.  Lucky also makes an enemy in local drug kingpin Ngu, who turns one of Lucky's inside men against him and sets him up for the kill. 

The narrative style is lean and uncluttered as is the direction by Ralph Ziman (HEARTS AND MINDS, THE ZOOKEEPER), who also scripted.  When death comes, it's messy but quick--Ziman doesn't linger over scenes of sadism for its own sake.  Lucky himself would rather scheme his way out of dicey situations and rarely takes the violent route, trying instead to bend the law to his own uses while flaunting his saintly image in the eyes of his tenants.  Still, his ongoing clash with drug dealer Ngu inevitably leads to all-out warfare with a blazing shootout in a nightclub coming as one of the film's action highlights.
 

Seiphemo is impressive as Lucky Kunene, whom we tend to side with since he lacks the cold-hearted cruelty of the usual screen criminal.  Jeffrey Zekele's Nazareth exudes cool efficiency as a killer who does Lucky's dirty work, whether pushing unwanted tenants through windows when they refuse to leave by the door, or impulsively executing an ousted slumlord and his lawyer for mouthing off to Lucky.  Other performances of note include Ronnie Nyakale as loyal friend Zakes, Robert Hobbs as the dogged Detective Swart, and the lovely Shelley Meskin as Leah, a wealthy white woman who becomes Lucky's lover after he helps her out of a jam. 

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen and Dolby Digital 5.1 sound with English subtitles.  Extras include a commentary track with director Ziman, composer Alan Lazar, and actor Jaffa Mamabolo (young Lucky), plus deleted scenes and a trailer. 

While containing much of the same visceral excitement of other crime flicks, GANGSTER'S PARADISE: JERUSALEMA is more interesting as a solid and suspenseful character piece than a lurid bullet ballet--somehow, it manages to avoid being anywhere near as sordid and downbeat as it could've turned out.  But even if you demand your gangster films dripping with gooey GOODFELLAS goodness, you should find plenty to like here.

GANGSTER'S PARADISE: JERUSALEMA -- DVD Review by Porfle

POIROT: THE MOVIE COLLECTION SET 6 -- DVD review by porfle

Originally posted on 7/31/11

 

When not treading the boards spouting Shakespeare or playing Middle Eastern terrorists as he did in 1996's EXECUTIVE DECISION, David Suchet spends much of his time portraying Agatha Christie's immortal Belgian detective Hercule Poirot on British television.  Since 1989 he has appeared in dozens of such adaptations, and we get to see three of the latest ones in the DVD collection POIROT: THE MOVIE COLLECTION SET 6.

Suchet's portly Poirot is a fussy, fastidious, and very proper little Belgian gentleman with a meticulously waxed moustache and impeccable taste.  He patiently suffers the crudeness of those around him with a pained look or a clipped remark, but as soon as his deductive skills have pinpointed a killer in their midst his manner becomes sharp and accusatory. 

Murder, to this obsessive-compulsive perfectionist, disrupts the proper order of things, which he must set right just as he is compelled to rearrange random objects around him in a more orderly fashion.  Suchet is a delight in the role and it's a treat to watch him inhabit Agatha Christie's classic character with such understated finesse.
 


"Hallowe'en Party" begins at a costume party during which a little girl boasts that she once witnessed a murder.  When she ends up drowned in the apple-bobbing tub, Hercule Poirot is summoned to discern which of the party guests is a killer covering up a past crime.  Delving into the village's recent unsolved murders, he finds there are three to choose from.  This one is spooky fun with some pitch-black humor--a shot of the bee-costumed victim dunked in the tub includes a closeup of her dripping antennae dangling over the side--and a wealth of suspects, motives, and eccentric characters.  Zoë Wanamaker guest-stars as Poirot's friend, pulp mystery writer Ariadne Oliver, in a screenplay by Mark Gatiss ("Sherlock").

In "The Clocks", Jaime Winstone plays Sheila Webb, a temp secretary who arrives at the address to which she's been summoned only to stumble over a dead body and become a murder suspect.  Although this occurs at three o'clock, there are four clocks in the room which all read 4:13 for some unknown reason.  When Poirot is asked to look into the matter by young MI6 agent Lt. Colin Race (Tom Burke), who has taken an interest in Miss Webb, he finds that the murder is linked to the theft of secret government documents that may aid Hitler in his upcoming invasion of England.  But settling that case leaves yet another equally perplexing one still unsolved.



As usual, Poirot's interrogation of various witnesses and suspects uncovers even more questions.  Yet he calmly collects and processes the information until it's time for him to sit down and think it all through.  The more convoluted the plot, the more fun it is to watch Poirot methodically sort it all out, often chiding himself for not seeing the solution sooner.  His odd methods are often rebuffed at first by the local constabulary, who end up humbly seeking his help after their feeble efforts reach a dead end.

Each case reaches its climax with the formal revelation scene, with all suspects present and Poirot theatrically explaining his cogitations of the facts in the case which point him to the guilty party.  This, of course, is one of the hoariest murder-mystery cliches ever, but when done right it can be exquisite fun.  And the more tangled the mystery, the more pleasure we get from Poirot neatly sorting it all out in the end.

"Three Act Tragedy" ends, literally, on a theater stage with Poirot presiding over the indictment of a murderer who has poisoned three people at three different social gatherings, all with the same cast of characters.  Martin Shaw ("George Gently") is Poirot's actor friend Sir Charles Cartwright, who plays a detective onstage and fancies himself one in real life as he joins Poirot in his investigation.  Art Malik and Jane Asher also guest in this intriguing mystery.



There's a deliberately old-fashioned air to these pre-WWII tales that gives them a feeling of authenticity.  A bit dry at times, each of the three feature-length stories is finely-rendered and atmospheric, with rich period detail and the look of faded old color photographs or picture postcards.  Clever directorial touches help keep the exposition-heavy scenes interesting as the plots slowly unfold.
 
The three-disc boxed set from Acorn Media is in 16:9 widescreen with Dolby Digital 2.0 sound and English subtitles.  Each disc comes in its own slimline case.  There are no extras.

Viewers unaccustomed to such slow-paced fare may find themselves growing restless during Poirot's painstaking investigations.  But if you're willing to settle in and immerse yourself in these lush, absorbing murder mysteries, you should find POIROT: THE MOVIE COLLECTION SET 6 to be quite rewarding.
 
 

Other "Poirot" DVD reviews from HK and Cult Film News:
POIROT AND MARPLE FAN FAVORITES
POIROT: SET 1 and SET 2
POIROT: THE MOVIE COLLECTION SET 6
POIROT: SERIES 5
POIROT: SERIES 6 
POIROT: SERIES 7 & 8

POIROT: THE MOVIE COLLECTION SET 6 -- DVD review by porfle

Floating Rocks in "The Terror" (1963) w/Jack Nicholson & Boris Karloff (video)

In 1963 Roger Corman directed Karloff and Nicholson in this low-budget quickie...

...on sets left over from other films.

Nicholson's then-wife Sandra Knight costars.

As the film nears its end, Karloff, Knight, and Dick Miller wrestle in the raging flood waters.
Nicholson hurries to the scene.

Suddenly a stone wall gives way and the water is filled with...

...FLOATING ROCKS!


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Floating Rocks in "The Terror" (1963) w/Jack Nicholson & Boris Karloff (video)

ALTITUDE -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/19/10

 

Reminiscent of TV shows such as "The Twilight Zone" and Steven Spielberg's "Amazing Stories", ALTITUDE (2010) traps a group of semi-normal people together in an inescapable predicament and then starts to ratchet up the supernatural.  The result is a story that works somewhat better on a realistic suspense level than it does after our credulity starts to get stretched way out of shape. 

Sara (Jessica Lowndes, "90210") and her friends are on their way to a Coldplay concert, but instead of driving there as she's led her dad, the Colonel (Mike Dopud) to believe, she's going to pilot them there herself in a rented plane.  Naturally, they run into a terrible storm during which the tail flaps malfunction, sending them into a deadly climb.  And as if that weren't bad enough, they discover that something else is up there with them, and whatever it is, it has a loud, shrieking roar and tentacles.

Yes, tentacles.  Obviously, this isn't your usual peril-in-the-air story, at least after the halfway point or so.  Until then, director Kaare Andrews establishes a pretty effective atmosphere of dread as the small plane hurtles through the dark, lightning-streaked storm clouds and tensions between the largely unlikable passengers become more volatile.  Even during this segment, though, much suspension of disbelief is required as one passenger exits the plane to try and fix the flaps and ends up being pulled along behind it at the end of his safety rope (the effect is a tad comical).
 

Once things edge over all the way into the fantasy realm, all bets are off and we're asked to swallow quite a bit without choking.  One major element turns out to be a rare "Weird Stories" comic book that Sara has given her mysterious, lovestruck boyfriend Bruce (Landon Liboiron, "Degrassi: The Next Generation"), whom she's rather callously planning to dump when she moves to another town.  At one point, Bruce (who has an intense fear of flying) discovers that much of the misfortune befalling them, including their own dialogue exchanges, has been predicted in advance in the pages of the comic.  What the--?

And then, of course, there's those damn tentacles and the enormous goober we eventually discover is wielding them.  It's difficult to accept even on a fantasy level, especially after the best part of the story so far has been the suspenseful, and more or less believable, predicament the characters are in.  When it becomes clear that pretty much anything can happen no matter how inexplicable or silly, the movie undergoes a catastrophic depressurization of suspense.  It's kind of like what happens when Stephen King creates a compelling premise and then tosses in a giant turtle or a bunch of matter-eating ping pong balls.

Performances are fairly good, with "As the World Turns" alum Jake Weary's insufferable fratboy-jock Sal standing out as the character we most want to see sucked through a small aperture.  Lowndes does her best with some unwieldy dialogue, especially when she has to break down while reminiscing about her mother, a pilot killed in a midair collision featured in the film's prologue.  Julianna Guill (FRIDAY THE 13TH) plays Sal's ditzy girlfriend Mel and Ryan Donowho ("The O.C.") is Sara's cousin, Cory, who performs the impromptu wingwalk.

Director Andrews, who's also an artist and writer for Marvel Comics, does a terrific job of staging and shooting all the frantic action within the cramped confines of the plane.  Special effects are good on the whole, despite some iffy moments here and there.  The giant green whatzit with the tentacles is hard to assess SPFX-wise--I don't know if the damn thing looks realistic or not, but it is pretty freaky.  If you want to know what it looks like, just watch the trailer, which pretty much gives everything away except for the final head-scratching revelation.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 2.40:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 sound.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras include a director's commentary, a 49-minute behind-the-scenes documentary, a ten-minute featurette focusing on the green-screen effects, a storyboard gallery, and the trailer. 

With the forward momentum of the plane keeping the pace moving along at a steady clip and the director constantly finding ways of making it all visually interesting, ALTITUDE manages to maintain a certain level of involvement for much of its running time.  But the fantasy elements are so extreme that much of what happens, like the giant green whatzit itself, just seems to come from out of nowhere.

ALTITUDE -- DVD Review by Porfle

Alternate Head Explosion: "Scanners" (David Cronenberg, 1981) (video)

(Caution: contains graphic SPFX violence)

The most stunning scene in David Cronenberg's "Scanners"...
...is undoubtedly the infamous head explosion.

A duplicate of actor Louis Del Grande's head was made and filled with various gooey substances. 
Different methods of exploding it were tried, but none looked convincing.

One of them, using actual explosives, can be seen in the film's trailer.
It's obvious why it didn't work, but still interesting to watch.

Finally it was decided to simply blast the fake head from behind with a shotgun.
And thus, the iconic head explosion as seen by shocked audiences in the final film. 


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Alternate Head Explosion: "Scanners" (David Cronenberg, 1981) (video)

MXC VOLUME THREE -- DVD Review by Porfle

(NOTE: This review originally appeared online at Bumscorner.com in 2007.)


I haven't had cable TV for almost three years, and I don't really miss it--with a few notable exceptions. One of these would have to be Spike TV's irresistibly amusing and often downright delightful "Most Extreme Elimination Challenge" (or "MXC"), which debuted in 2003. It's so watchable and funny, you'd have to be an inflamed zit on Andy Rooney's left buttock not to enjoy it.



That's why I was so pleased to receive a screener for the DVD release of MXC VOLUME THREE. While the actual DVD will be a 2-disc set containing 13 half-hour episodes, the screener only came with two of them. But let's face it, if watching just five minutes of MXC doesn't tell you whether or not this is your cup of warm sake, then you should probably go to a proctologist and have your head examined.



Originally a silly, but genuine, Japanese game show from the 80s called "Takeshi's Castle", these episodes have been redubbed to transform them into the most surrealistic and frequently hilarious fake game show imaginable. The two lovable play-by-play announcers are now named Vic Romano and Kenny Blankenship--Kenny's the featherbrained cut-up, while Vic is the straight man who is so serenely unfazed by Kenny's ridiculous antics that his usual response is an earnest "Right you are, Ken" or a simple "Indeeed!"



Other characters include contestant wrangler Captain Tenneal, who gets the players whipped into a semi-frenzy before unleashing them upon the field of battle with the words "Let's get it on!", and field announcer Guy LaDouche, a cackling pervert whose contestant interviews are gleefully lecherous.



The competition always involves two opposing teams of reckless idiots--one of whom invariably sports the last name of "Babaganoosh"--partaking in ludicrous games that often result in them either being attacked from the sidelines by wild men or dunked in various kinds of "fluid" such as trucker man-gravy or toxic biological waste.



The two episodes I got to review featured the following teams squaring off against each other: Organized Crime vs. Weight Loss, and the Novelty/Gift Industry vs. the Death Industry. Needless to say, Organized Crime has the edge over their competition as they resort to the use of snipers, death threats, and other creative tactics. And as always, each episode ends with a recap of the most cringe-inducing spills known as "Kenny Blankenship's Most Painful Eliminations of the Day."



As the box copy aptly states, MXC is like a cross between Woody Allen's redubbed Japanese comedy WHAT'S UP, TIGER LILY? and "Mystery Science Theater 3000." Each cleverly-scripted episode is total giddy fun all the way--low-brow humor and non-stop sexual innuendos fly fast and furious, while the new dialogue fits hilariously with the images of smarmy announcers, hokey costumed characters, and wildly enthusiastic contestants throwing themselves into each challenge with little regard for their dignity or physical well-being.



Rarely does a live-action TV show get this cartoonish and totally silly, and if that's the kind of thing that makes your inner disturbed child do double backflips, then you should run headlong through a wacky-but-dangerous obstacle course over a vat of rich, trucker man gravy to get your mitts on a copy of MXC VOLUME THREE.



And remember: "DON'T...GET...ELIMINATED!"

MXC VOLUME THREE -- DVD Review by Porfle

Best Female Fistfight Ever? "SWAMP WOMEN" (1956) (video)

Best Female Fistfight Ever?

You be the judge.  In any case, it's ONE of the best ones ever.

With Beverly Garland, Marie Windsor, and Mike "Touch" Connors


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Best Female Fistfight Ever? "SWAMP WOMEN" (1956) (video)

CHARLIE STEEL -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/12/18

 

If you've been searching for a bland, ultra-low-budget imitation of '70s blaxploitation flicks that comes off like somebody's student film, the 1984 South African thriller CHARLIE STEEL (Indiepix Films) is the pot of bad-film fun at the end of your rainbow.

Charlie (Sol Rachilo), a poor man's poor man's Shaft, is a private dick who's called into action by a rich friend whose daughter Dudu (Sonto Mazibuko) has just been kidnapped by a gang of bad guys led by the Boss (Thapelo Mofokeng) and is being held for ransom in their secluded hideout. 

As a super-cool action hero, Steel leaves much to be desired, but part of his charm is the way this lanky, hangdog dude in a baggy suit and tiny Fedora, who looks like he's been around the block a few too many times, schleps around town looking for leads before stumbling into trouble and getting himself captured two or three times. 

Meanwhile, as the incompetent bad guys endlessly play poker around the kitchen table and take turns guarding Dudu, we find that one of them, Tony (Charles Joloza), has a crush on her and may turn out to be an ally, while another, Jimmy (Davis Diphoko), is a former military compadre of Charlie's whose seething animosity toward him will ruin the private eye's attempt to infiltrate the gang.

This is one of many low-budget films made in South Africa for black audiences during apartheid, when their access to mainstream films was prohibited, and subsequently rediscovered and restored as part of Indiepix Films' "Retro Afrika" series.  As such, it's a fascinating example of really indy filmmaking that tries to make something entertaining with severely limited resources and manages to succeed in spite of itself. 

In this case, the fun is in watching writer-director Bevis Parsons and his cast of earnest but unpolished actors put together a semi-watchable detective thriller that is endearing in its badness, filling it with tough-guy dialogue, limp action scenes, and a simple, repetitive plot that plays like a feature version of a grade Z serial.

After playing private eye for awhile, Charlie gets serious and goes into military attack mode, trading his rumpled suit for black cat-burglar attire and launching a one-man seige on the bad guys' backwoods HQ. 

Naturally he gets captured again, but that merely sets up the mildly exciting finale in which he and the Boss face off against each other one on one.  Along the way super-suave Charlie even finds time to meet a comely lass and give her his address so that they can meet for dinner the next evening. 

Technically, the film is a bit more competent that some of these apartheid-era films I've seen, but that's not saying a whole lot.  Still, for bad film fans, that's exactly what gives movies like CHARLIE STEEL their irresistible charm, something this one is steeped in.  And with expectations thus adjusted, one almost can't help having a good time watching it.


http://www.indiepixfilms.com
https://retroafrika.com/

Tech Specs
Format: Color, NTSC
Language: English
Subtitles: English
Number of discs: 1
Rated: NR 
Studio: Indiepix Films
3:2, Color, Stereo
DVD Release Date: December 18, 2018
Run Time: 87 minutes
Extras: Trailer

CHARLIE STEEL -- DVD Review by Porfle