KILLER RACCOONS 2: DARK CHRISTMAS IN THE DARK -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/26/20

 

Remember how all the action movies after DIE HARD were described as "DIE HARD in an airplane" or "DIE HARD on a cruise ship", etc.? Well, KILLER RACCOONS 2: DARK CHRISTMAS IN THE DARK (Indican Pictures, 2020) is like "AIRPLANE! on a train", or maybe "UNDER SIEGE 2 by way of AIRPLANE! but on another train", or anything with both AIRPLANE! and trains in it.

Of course, everyone knows AIRPLANE! is that hilarious deadpan comedy that spoofed the dead-serious "Airport" disaster movies. And in case you've forgotten, UNDER SIEGE 2 was that Steven Seagal movie about terrorists aboard a moving train.

Anyway, this movie is all of that with the addition of at least one key element: killer raccoons.

One character recalls yet another similar action film when he exclaims, "I'm tired of these (bleep) raccoons on this (bleep) train!" The raccoons in question are trained machine-gun-toting killers in service of a group of mercenaries who take over a passenger train car carrying the remote control console of an orbiting death ray satellite (the PEN15) built by our government and manned, so to speak, by--you guessed it--more raccoons.

Thus, the crazed terrorists, who all wear eyepatches and indulge in raucous evil laughter while taunting frantic military leaders with their demands, hold the world for ransom while the only person who has previous experience in fighting killer raccoons, Ty Smallwood (Yang Miller), happens to be on the train after serving a ten-year prison term for underage drinking.

We eventually learn that just about everyone in the cast was also involved in the events of the previous film ("Coons!: Night of the Bandits of the Night") and were presumed dead but it turns out they weren't really dead.

Now, such government agents as Agent Charlesworth and staunch feminist Agent Woman, who happened to be on the train, end up REALLY dead while Ty, who now wants to be called "Casey" (long story), must stay alive long enough to thwart the bad guys' evil scheme.

That's about all the explanation I can give for how incredibly kooky this comedy is, because it's brimming with non-stop jokes and moves at a frantic pace that just doesn't let up, as a large cast of characters spews funny lines with just the right degree of bone-dry, straight-faced seriousness.

In fact, this hyper-screwball comedy is pretty much the limit as to how incredibly silly you can get while still being deadpan at the same time. Even notorious porn star Ron Jeremy finds just the right balance of serious and over-the-top as a military general called in to help deal with the crisis. (There's a great blooper included with him repeatedly blowing a line containing the word "fracking.")

Writer-director Travis Irvine, who helmed the first movie and plays a TV reporter named Dick Weener, deftly keeps all this insanity moving along at a brisk clip and knows just how to navigate this kind of material for utmost comic effect.

The script is unapologetically cheesy and basks in the lowest of lowbrow humor--even the PEN15 satellite resembles a giant sex toy--with each member of the cast portraying it as though their paychecks depended on it.

Action-wise, it's pretty much all one might wish for in an action flick between heroic humans and stuffed raccoons with guns being manipulated in such an intentionally fake-looking way that they make the Muppets look elegantly realistic in comparison, engaging in blazing gunfights and hand-to-paw combat both inside and outside of the moving train.

Some of our favorite action-movie cliches show up, including the hero's portly black friend who loves Twinkies, a final mano a mano battle against the burliest bad guy (which includes a waffle iron vs. a George Foreman grill), a craven reporter endangering everyone's lives for an exclusive, and a cheery Christmas theme.

The DVD from Indican Pictures contains the following extras: filmmaker commentary, 2 behind-the-scenes featurettes, a trailer, and bloopers.  English subtitles are available.

I was going to watch the first half of this movie over my evening coffee and peanuts and then finish it off later during dinner, but I almost found myself watching the whole freaky-deaky thing in one dazed sitting. KILLER RACCOONS 2: DARK CHRISTMAS IN THE DARK grabs you by the pants leg, tickles all your funny bones, beats your brain into submission, and leaves you wondering what the (beep) you just watched.


Buy it at Indican Pictures

TECH SPECS

Runtime: 96 minutes
Format: 1:78 HD
Sound: Dolby Sr.
Country: USA
Language: English
Rating: Pending