(Editors Note: Written a Couple of Weeks Ago)
Earlier today after blowing about $362.27 on Toho’s GODZILLA: DEATH BATTLE CHRONICLES 8 LaserDisc boxset, I figured I could spend even more money and drove down to Best Buy to pick up LionsGate’s release of THE MONSTER SQUAD, a film I hadn’t seen in over 15 years. After spending some time looking for the film due to the misleading photoshopped boxart, I quickly paid the $14 and headed out to my car. As I was going around the corner of the store where I usually park by the Geeksquad’s headquarters, a suspicious man came up to me rambling about how he needed my help.
According to his story, his wife was giving birth in the Target parking lot, he was bitten by numerous brown-recluse spiders (and even pulled up his shirt to show me the puss filled sores), wasn’t on any anti-biodics, and assured me at least four times he wasn’t on any drugs. He continued to rant about how nobody helps others in today’s world, had only $2 on him, bla bla bla. Being the kind-hearted person I am, I led the piece of trailer park trash into an unsuspecting Best Buy and let others deal with his problem.
Driving home I realized I had watched a film a few weeks earlier with a crazy fuck just like that in the film. It was another Lionsgate release called CHICAGO MASSACRE: RICHARD SPECK, a disc Ian has been telling me for over a month to get off my ass and review. I’ll be quick, because the movie is a total waste of time, unless you are into those torture-gore films that are popular today.
The film itself is nothing original, mostly a cross between a CSI episode and a slasher film. Corin Nemec as serial killer Richard Speck and Tony Todd as the Angry Black Man bring this direct to video affair up a notch, but Debbie Rochon as the prostitute (what a shock) ruins the rest of the film the minute she opens her mouth halfway through the picture. The production values are nice and the film’s muted colors that have been popular in recent horror films since THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE remake are visually pleasing.
Unfortunately, the film’s biggest letdown is one of the reasons people really pay to watch these types of films for: the rapes. Sure, there is plenty of red syrup sprayed across the screen, but nary a single nipple! After raping nine women, you would think they could have added some nudity to the whole affair. In fact, there isn’t a single bare boob in the entire film unless you count Corin Nemec’s breast implants at the end! Fans of this genre are going to wish the filmmakers could have had some balls and made every rape count instead of this G-rated nonsense. Each nurse should have gotten a DEATH WISH 2 style rape and beating. Instead, they gave us a forgettable 90 minute true crime drama which shouldn’t have even been made in the first place and not worthy of the “disturbing sadistic violence including rape, terror, sexuality, language and some drug content” on the back of the box.
The audio and video quality are the DVD are what you would expect from a new movie coming from a major label with only some compression artifacts that do the jitterbug across the image. The disc has trailers for other torture-gore films like MURDER-SET-PIECES, CURSE OF THE ZODIAC, BTK KILLER, BLACK DAHLIA and ED GEIN, but none for the film itself. A few deleted scenes not worth mentioning, lame still gallery and audio commentary by the director Michael Feifer and actor Corin Nemec round out the disc’s special features. I honestly didn’t even listen to the audio commentary. Instead I watched all of the special features on LionsGate’s excellent MONSTER SQUAD disc in one sitting. I guarantee 20 years from now there won’t be a 2-disc special edition for this film. Why couldn’t LionsGate have given a screener of THE MONSTER SQUAD to review?
I should have given that nutcase I ran into this DVD and see if he could get any bright ideas from it.
PICTURES (NSFV):
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