The title of this article misspells "cakes" because of Sandra's own inclination to purposely misspell her items (see Kurtain Krafts).
Two of Sandra Lee's most infamous (and I use the term in its pejorative sense) kakes are her holiday cakes. Sandra's show, which one can often locate on YouTube or read about on TWoP's forum on Sandra Lee, is well known for its culturally insensitive takes on cultures different from
Sandra's.
Now, Miss Lee prides herself on being a good ol' girl (not Southern, like Paula Deen) from Washington/Wisconsin/California/whatever place she dreams up, so she does not take the time to learn about the authentic foods and traditions of various cultures. Rather, she enjoys assembling her own half-baked versions of deeply loved recipes that are more often offensive than celebratory.
Case in point: Sandra's Holiday Kakes. Some background on the episode in which BOTH cakes appear would be helpful to the novice. The two cakes depicted below were part of Sandra's FIRST holiday show, entitled simply "Holiday Show." Since this was her first season on Food Network (she has been on the air since 2003), viewers did not know what to expect from her.
They soon found out, however, that holidays for Sandra equal a priority on Christmas food and decorations with other religious holidays hastily shoved into the thirty-minute program.
Food Network describes this famous trainwreck of an episode, and instant classic to all shrikes out there, as such:
Holiday Show
Sandra shows us how to whip up some festive Holiday Treats. Sandra's making a Star of David Food Cake, Classic Holiday Wreath Cake and a Kwanzaa Celebration Cake. Then, we'll see how to make a Christmas Crescent Ring, and Sugar Plum Pops.
From this list of recipes, one can immediately sense the weight given to Christmas treats. This, I believe, is fine. Sandra is presumably Christian, so she has the right to give precedence to her own beliefs and values.
However, it is her attempt to be "respectful" of the diversity of religious holidays that disgusts me. If you can't take the time to learn about the traditional recipes of the culture (for example, I have learned much about brisket thanks to my Jewish fiance and his family), don't even bother
to do this PC crap. It's just pitiful and she should have stated outright that it was a Christmas, not Holiday, show. Probably the heads at Food Network forced her to add these recipes in, so really, they are as much to blame for what you see below as Sandra herself.
Anyway, enough background on this mess of a holiday program. Here are Sandra's Holiday Kakes in all of their glory:
Above, you will see an image of Sandra's first cake of the evening, the Star of David Angel Food Cake. This is a bright-blue frosted, grocery store AFC filled with marshmallows in its hole.
Now, I know what you might be saying. Wait, Jess, does that cake have too many points? Shouldn't a Star of David Cake have, I don't know...SIX points? Like the freakin' star does?
Yes, reader, I concur. Sandra's math skillz fail her in this culinary catastrophe, and the cake is left looking like a parody of a Hannukah cake.
And, as many shrikes have pointed out, the 'mallows she uses are not kosher, thus defeating the purpose of a traditional cake for the Jewish brethren. Way to be inclusive, you lush! But seriously, if Sandra invites you to her house for Hannukah, decline EVERYTHING if you're kosher. Who knows what she puts in the drinks, for God's sake. In fact, just make up an excuse and go to some fast food joint or something. Your stomach will certainly thank you.
Next, we have what is, to many, the epitome of Sandra's insensitivity:
This, my readers, is the famous Kwanzaa Celebration Cake.
Again, you may be asking yourself, how in the hell does this hideous abomination relate to Kwanzaa? Because she made the frosting a light brown color, similar to the skin of those who celebrate the holiday (semi-racist)? Or is it the GINORMOUS candles she stuck on top? Whatever logic one can deduce from Sandra's choices, it is obvious that this is not, in any way, shape, or form, a traditional cake of the African harvest holiday. Note the use of apple pie filling to fill in the hole. Perhaps, in Sandra's warped and alcohol-soaked mind, that was her notion of a harvest cake. Of course, there are no apples harvested in Africa, but don't tell Sandy that! She's too drunk to care.
Oh, and yes, those are corn nuts and pumpkin seeds adorning the frosting. I don't know why either.
This is the interior of Sandra's Harvest Cake, or what I like to call,"A cake for white people." Even though it is thoroughly disgusting and features the same weird brown frosting of the original Kwanzaa cake, it is devoid of the lovely candles that are the main feature of the cake for
black people. Wow, how creative can one person be?
In conclusion, these images give you a better understanding of Sandra's kulinary kreations. She assumes, or the Food Network pushes, the need to include the various winter holidays on her first Christmas show. To fulfill her requirements, Sandy half-assedly (I think I made that term up) pulls some AFCs from the grocery store and SLops them up in the way only a show called Semi-Homemade would think was possible. These two cakes remain the quintessential viewing material for new shrikes and, as Sandra herself states in her earlier intro, "I'm thrilled to be able to share them withyou."
Up next: Some facts about Sandra's past, and a review of her cookbook for kids!
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