THE SWAN PRINCESS: ROYALLY UNDERCOVER -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 3/27/17

 

I'm not that big a fan of the endless parade of digital "cartoons" these days, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy an engaging and pleasantly-rendered romp like THE SWAN PRINCESS: ROYALLY UNDERCOVER (2017) when it comes my way. 

Directed by former Disney animation director Richard Rich, it's the sixth direct-to-video sequel to his 1994 theatrical film THE SWAN PRINCESS which was done with old-school handpainted cel animation (which I sorely miss) as were the first three sequels. 

The main characters of that film were a beautiful princess named Odette and a handsome prince named Derek.  In the current sequels, they're older, married, and have an adopted daughter, Princess Alise. 

She and her friend Lucas, a shy peasant boy living with his parents on a tulip farm, are the new focus of our attention as they have colorful adventures in and around their mythical kingdom.  Here, they go undercover as spies to find out if ditzy Queen Uberta's dashing young suitor, a Count from a nearby kingdom, is really as nice as he seems or if he has ulterior motives that could threaten the entire kingdom and its royal family.

Alise and Lucas are the typical spunky, likable kids who get in and out of trouble by their own wits and also with the help of their talking animal friends.  Their grown-up ally is a grandfatherly Lord Rogers, an inventor with a secret subterranean vault full of cool steampunk spy gadgets.  He's sort of a Hans Conried type with the look of a sage old gentleman but the heart of a child, and he secretly loves the Queen.

Aside from some shots of him, the kids, and their animal friends wearing shades and walking in slo-mo RESERVOIR DOGS style (to accentuate the "spy" theme), there are refreshingly few "nudge-nudge" modern references barring a rather spectacular nod to GOLDENEYE in the pre-titles sequence. 

Moreover, this film really is G-rated, with no smirky double-entendres or unwelcome sexual innuendos of the kind that crop up in much of the so-called "childrens" entertainment these days.  Everything remains resolutely juvenile throughout--in a good way.

Adults should find it more than tolerable, especially in the second half when the kids infiltrate the Count's castle and all that spy stuff starts to pay off in a big way.  Alise and Lucas encounter a number of bad guys and dangerous situations, and the action and suspense are pretty much nonstop.

At this point in the series, the songs (what few there are) aren't that special and there are no celebrity character voiceovers, but I doubt if kids will really mind all that much. 

Characters are genuinely warm and caring toward each other, and the story puts forth various benevolent themes of togetherness, teamwork, and charity (a neighboring kingdom damaged by a flood receives emergency aid) in unobtrusive ways. "Don't trust kindly strangers bearing chocolate" is another subtle message.

The DVD from Sony Pictures Home Entertainment is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound in English and French, and Dolby Surround in Mandarin, Korean, Spanish, and Thai.  Subtitles are available.  In addition to several trailers for other Sony kids' films, there's a brief featurette with singer Macy Kate recording the end titles song.

Online comments from fans of the series indicate that some feel THE SWAN PRINCESS: ROYALLY UNDERCOVER is inferior to its predecessors.  But it's such a colorful and brightly entertaining diversion that, not having seen any of the earlier ones, I found this sequel quite enjoyable.

FACE 2 FACE -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted  on 8/10/17

 

So, when seriocomic cyber-drama FACE 2 FACE (2016) started out as two childhood friends reuniting online after many years, with the whole thing taking place on their webcams and iPhones and the dialogue all fluffy and cutesy and coy, I thought I was in for an ordeal of unendurable boredom. 

Thankfully, however, it gets better as we get to know these initially shallow characters--he, a lonely, friendless gamer nerd named Teel (Daniel Amerman, COLLEGE MUSICAL, "Arrested Development"), and she, an outgoing bundle of teen energy named Madison (Daniela Bobadilla, TEXAS HEART, MOTHERS OF THE BRIDE)--who eventually get to know one another well enough to suss out each other's weak points, insecurities, etc. and try to fix them.

For her, it means getting Teel to admit he's a friendless gamer nerd and do wild things like joining Facebook and auditioning for parts in school plays even though his mom wants him to be a jock.  For him, it means helping her appreciate her natural qualities and identifying various behavioral traits and social interactions that are in serious need of a tune-up.

It threatens to be a feature-length meet-cute at first, which much of the early section pretty much is.  But little by little, things start to get more serious, and that's when Teel and Madison begin to delve into one another's lives in depth.  Not surprisingly, this also makes the story that much more fun and involving for us.

In fact, FACE 2 FACE reaches a point somewhere along the way where we stop noticing the whole "found footage"-esque premise so much and just start following the story.

Director and co-writer (with brother Aaron) Matthew Toronto helps open things up as much as possible by switching to mobile cams now and then to catch outside action such as Teel getting beaten up by school thugs or Madison having way too much "fun" at wild parties to over-compensate for serious troubles in her personal life. 

There are a couple of plot twists to spice things up, one of which should come as no surprise to absolutely anyone (except Madison, who obviously isn't as perceptive as we thought), and another which I did find rather startling.  Both contribute greatly to giving the story a depth and gravitas that the initial scenes don't hint at, setting us up for the big finish. 

Of course, we're left to wonder if Teel and Madison would hit it off romantically if not separated by thousands of miles and limited only to contact in the digital realm.  This question, as you probably guessed, will be answered sooner or later, in somewhat predictable but still satisfying fashion. 

Performances by the leads are quite good.  Then again, they'd have to be in order for these two actors to carry the entire film with nothing but their faces and voices for much of the running time.  Mary Gordon Murray shows up a few times as Teel's overbearing mother, and we see various boyfriends and girlfriends here and there, but most of the other characters are fleeting background figures. 

FACE 2 FACE restricts itself to an unwieldy format from the start and then does its best to make it engaging and cinematic for us.  It succeeds to a pleasing degree, mainly because the lead characters and their stories have a way of growing on us until we actually care what happens to them next.

TECH SPECS:

Type: DVD/Digital HD

Running Time: 88 min.

Rating: N/A

Genre: Drama

Aspect Ratio: 1.85

Audio: 5.1 Surround Sound

Release Date: August 15

OXENFREE -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/25/17

 

Sort of a guy flick with feels, OXENFREE (Candy Factory, 2016) takes the cake for not letting on what kind of movie it's going to be at first and then surprising us with something that resembles a cross between LORD OF THE FLIES and "Kick the Can."

It opens at the secluded family cabin where Aaron (Steven Molony) awaits the arrival of his stepbrothers Roy (Paul Vonasek) and Benjamin (Timothy R. Lane).  Aaron clearly suffers from some health difficulty--an oxygen tank is never far from his reach--which he will hide from the others. 

We sense a strained relationship between him and both the burly, somewhat overbearing Roy and the more mild-mannered Benjamin stemming from old childhood hurts that have never healed. 

Their efforts to overcome them are awkward but earnest as they spend an evening around the campfire, relating old stories, tall tales, and memories of Aaron's biological father who adopted the other two boys before he was born.

But just as it appears as though their differences may be irreconcilable, Aaron sets his master plan into motion: to lure them, via a crumbling old map, across the lake and deep into the forest where they once built a makeshift fort and pretended to be heroic adventure characters. 

Roy and Benjamin arrive at the site of Fort Buttkicker, now rebuilt by Aaron and ready for action, and find themselves gradually drawn back into the world of make-believe that once captivated them.

That's when OXENFREE becomes an odd, almost surreal world of super-soakers, slingshots, war paint, imaginary battles, and random cosplay in which these three grown men gradually surrender themselves to a totally immersive childhood fantasy that brings them together, free from the constraints of adulthood and the outside world.

Director Dan Glaser (PINCHING PENNY, PETTY CRIMES) and a lean script by Timothy J. Meyer handle all of this well, without actually getting overly cute or silly with the idea. 

And neither do they pile on the maudlin sentiment when the brothers suddenly face the harsh reality behind their wild-child weekend and are forced to come clean with each other about old family grievances and other pressing matters.

Any more I dare not reveal, save to say that I found OXENFREE much more thoughtful, contemplative, and evocative than I originally expected.  Which is probably just the way Roy and Benjamin feel after this strangely liberating excursion into childhood abandon which Aaron has in store for them.  And us.

Chico Marx Forgets His Lines In "THE COCOANUTS" (1929) (video)

 

Chico and Harpo are breaking Bob (Oscar Shaw) out of jail...

 

...because Bob's girlfriend Polly (Mary Eaton) is being forced to marry bad guy Harvey Yates.

But Chico can't remember the name "Harvey Yates" to save his life.

So Bob finally has to turn psychic and say it for him.

"She's gotta have you. Because tonight she gonna be, uh, engaged."
"To who?"
"To Polly. He's engaged to Polly."
"POLLY'S GOING TO MARRY YATES?"

Nice mind-reading there, Bob!

And to top it all off, Harpo gets his foot stuck in the door on the way out.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

L.A. INK: SEASON 1, VOLUME 2 -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/21/08

 

L.A. INK: SEASON 1, VOLUME 2 isn't something I would normally have been very excited about watching. But by the time I'd become familiar with the interesting characters and appealing documentary-style approach of this TLC reality series, I went through the rest of the 3-disc set's thirteen episodes like a Nacho Grande platter.

Contrary to my initial expectations, the show isn't bogged down by a bunch of soap opera crap--when the focus is on the artists' personal lives, they aren't exploited or sensationalized. Most of what we see is work-related, as in Hannah's prolonged absence from the shop while she debates over whether or not to stay in Chicago, or Kat's continuing problems with lackadaisical shop manager Pixie. Superdad Corey's desire to spend more time with his family and Kim's search for love are other concerns.

But L.A. INK is mainly about the customers and their reasons for wanting the particular tattoos that they come in to get (usually something commemorative, memorial, or motivational, although some of the requests are just plain silly). Each time someone walks into the shop, there's an anticipation of what they'll want and why, and how it will turn out.

Watching the tattooing process is fascinating in itself. Personally I could never muster the courage to draw permanent pictures on someone else's body. It's a huge responsibility, yet Kat and her crew are incredible artists who are amazingly confident. Once the customer conveys what they want, they intuitively whip out a preliminary sketch that fulfills the requirement perfectly and then they execute it with often astounding results.

As I got to know the artists and their work, I couldn't wait to see how some of the challenging ideas presented to them would turn out. This is especially true when a firefighter from New York enters with a large 9-11 commemorative painting and asks Corey to reproduce the whole thing on his back. Another highlight is watching Hannah and her talented tattooist brother perform a tag-team masterpiece on another woman's back. Backs, of course, are the largest "canvas" on the human body and it's interesting whenever someone wants the entire area covered by some grand design.

It doesn't take long for us to get to know these people and their particular styles. Corey, a burly guy's guy who's also a devoted family man, is a self-described "classic California tattoo artist" with a realistic style and awesome freehand skills. Hannah is a sensible, somewhat maternal presence with a more colorful, fanciful style. Kim, the personable and very cute young divorcee, has a penchant for flowers and inanimate objects. Kat Von D herself excells in beautiful retro-style, almost photo-realistic portraits. And Pixie, the flighty, irresponsible shop manager, seems to excell in causing trouble.

Roy Orbison's son Alex "Orbi" Orbison is Kat's supportive boyfriend who must help her conquer a nasty drinking problem while trying to muster the courage to pop the question. Guest tattooist Bob Tyrrell fills in for Kat during her hospital stay and performs some cool horror-related stuff, including a great portrait of Vincent Price. Tom Green makes an appearance to deliver a surprise birthday present to Kat's sister Karoline. Ja Rule drops by for a tattoo. And when Pixie goes to a guy named "Dr. Tattoff" to get a tattoo painfully removed, he turns out to be none other than Will Kirby, the infamous "Dr. Will" of CBS' "Big Brother."

In one episode, Kat shows her immature side by letting her idiot friend Bam Margera (whose specialty is ruining things and creating chaos) talk her into building a full-blown skate ramp in the shop. Hannah, showing her more grownup side, is against it. In another, the emphasis is on Kat's health when medical tests reveal that she has ovarian cysts which require immediate surgery. Kat's attempt to break the Guinness world record for most tattoos done in a 24-hour period makes for a lively and suspenseful segment. But the biggest fireworks occur in the episode entitled "The Worst Day Ever", in which Pixie's chronic slacking off on the job finally leads to a bitter confrontation in which she threatens to punch out Kim before storming out of the shop while customers look on.

The often lush, color-saturated photography looks really good, and most of the cutesy camerawork and editing are confined to scene transitions. Some of it appears staged to a certain extent, especially in the occasional scenes which have suspiciously thorough camera coverage from different angles, as though the director set everything up and then said "okay, you guys can have your impromptu personal conversation about subject 'A' now." But this happens in most "reality" shows and doesn't really bother me as long as the gist of the actual events is conveyed.

The three discs come in a fold-out slipcase which, along with the menus, is very nicely designed. The episodes are widescreen with Dolby sound. There aren't any extras, but I found the 544 minutes of content sufficient.

One of the best things about L.A. INK, which I found to be a pleasant surprise, is that unlike much reality programming it isn't about a bunch of flakes doing stupid things for us to laugh at. It's actually, for the most part, a pretty serious and substantive show. And after all, drawing permanent pictures on someone else's skin is serious business.

 

Classic Mirror Scene From "Duck Soup" (Marx Brothers, 1933) (video)

Harpo breaks into Groucho's house...

...disguised as Groucho.

And when they meet in a doorway, Harpo pretends to be Groucho's mirror image.

Groucho doesn't buy it for a second, but he plays along anyway.

For many Marx Brothers fans, this is their favorite scene.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

THE BEST OF HARVEY KORMAN -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/25/17

 

A lot of people these days only know Harvey Korman from his Mel Brooks movies ("That's Hedley!"), but there was a time before that when his star shone brightly as the Emmy-winning second banana on TV's legendary "The Carol Burnett Show."

Time-Life's DVD release THE BEST OF HARVEY KORMAN assembles four complete (more or less) nostalgia-heavy episodes from 1969-71, three of which haven't been seen in 40 years, and they serve as a real time machine back to the way variety shows looked in those days.

Watching them now, the show's comedy is as incredibly corny as it can be, with paper-thin writing and forced punchlines, but also with a laidback informality (the performers break character often to either ad-lib or crack up at each other) that continues to appeal.

Production-wise, it often looks almost like a local TV production even though it was a top-rated show on a major network.  Strangely enough, this also adds to the show's charm--it didn't need a big budget with such likable performers to keep audiences happy.

Chief among these of course was Carol, that lovable, rubber-faced genius of physical and verbal comedy who always came across as the superstar next door.  She was a bundle of sparkling personality, especially during the celebrated Q & A segments with the studio audience.

Korman was second only to her in versatility, playing everything from henpecked husbands to weaselly lotharios (as in the lengthy and tedious Latin lover sketch) and everything in between. 

Rounding out the cast was cartoonishly handsome Lyle Waggoner, forever goodnaturedly spoofing his own manly image, while a sweetly callow Vicki Lawrence was the perennial "kid sister" before her eventual breakthrough as "Mama."

Comedy skits alternate with often cringe-inducing song and/or dance numbers, with the first episode in the set giving Lyle and Vicki solo songs that are less than memorable. Even veteran performers such as Bernadette Peters, Nancy Wilson, and Diahann Carroll can't do much with the tacky arrangements they're given. (A pre-"Jeffersons" Isabel Sanford appears briefly as a housekeeper in one segment.)

As for Korman, his appearances in the set are sporadic--the episodes seem pretty much picked at random and don't really showcase his best work at all.  The fact that he's in them seems enough to qualify them for inclusion here.

A skit in which he appears in drag seems to be the collection's highlight. Other points of interest are "The Old Folks" (Harvey and Carol as a doddering elderly couple), a solo comedy song emphasizing Harvey's vanity, Harvey as Richard Nixon, and a guest appearance by future castmember Tim Conway who would become Harvey's most frequent comedy foil. 

While not exactly THE BEST OF HARVEY KORMAN as the title suggests, it's fun to watch these episodes again after all this time and relive those decades-old memories.  Still, viewers who aren't seeing these creaky old skits and corny musical numbers through a golden haze of nostalgia might wonder what all the fuss is about.


PROGRAM INFORMATION
Format: DVD/Single
Running Time: 178 minutes
Genre:  TV DVD/Comedy
Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1
Audio: Stereo

TAPOUT: THE COMPLETE SERIES -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 11/1/10

 

I was never interested in mixed martial arts, or "extreme fighting", because I always had the impression that it was simply an excuse for people to watch a couple of bozos in a cage beat each other to a bloody pulp.  Why should I be interested in that?  TAPOUT: THE COMPLETE SERIES (2007-2008) is an entertaining and informative answer to that question.

"Tapout" is what an opponent does when he's had enough and must submit by literally tapping the canvas.  It's also the name of the line of sports clothing and gear founded in 1997 by Charles Lewis, known as "Mask" because of his penchant for decorating his face with camo paint.  After a humble beginning that saw Mask selling his wares from the back of a car at local fighting events, the company grew to include his friends Dan "Punkass" Caldwell and Tim "SkySkrape" Katz and went on to make millions. 

The 20 episodes in this 5-disc set document the adventures of Mask, Punkass, and SkySkrape as they travel the country in their RV looking for up-and-coming fighters to sponsor in their first major MMA event.  Each episode follows his training and preparation as we and the Tapout crew get to know him and learn what makes him tick.  Then comes the climactic fight which rarely fails to be suspenseful and exciting.  With a mix of traditional boxing, kickboxing, wrestling, jiu-jitsu, and whatever else , the action is non-stop and the outcomes unpredictable.  And, contrary to my preconceptions, the violence hardly ever exceeds that of a regular boxing match (not by all that much, anyway).
 

 

That isn't to say that you won't find yourself getting a little squeamish on occasion.  Blood does flow, and there are times when a fighter is pummeled like a human punching bag.  You'll see guys getting elbow-bashed repeatedly in the face, and in the first episode one fighter's arm gets bent the wrong way, which had me cringing.  Aside from these instances, though, I found myself gradually appreciating the skills and strategy that each fighter brought into the ring--some specializing in the "stand up" (traditional boxing and kickboxing) and others concentrating on their "ground game" where wrestling and jiu-jitsu come into play.  Those who are equally adept at both usually come out on top.  (More often than not, surprisingly, the ground game is the deciding factor.)

The fighters are a diverse bunch of characters.  Some are troubled kids who would otherwise be headed down a path of gang violence and crime.  Others are struggling to better the lives of themselves and their families.  There's a SWAT cop, a cowboy from down on the farm, a guy who's getting back into the game after having his colon removed, and a mama's boy who wants to be a superhero. 

In one segment, the guys decide to sponsor their first female, Julie Kedzie, after being impressed by her workout in the gym.  In another, they must contend with a hostile young fighter who's at war with the world and everyone in it.  Little if any of the show seems staged, and there's none of the forced drama that infests most "reality" shows because none is needed--these characters and their stories are interesting enough as they are.

Speaking of characters, the Tapout boys are continually fun to watch as they travel the country and get into mischief at every turn.  Mask, whose hyena-like laugh is heard throughout each episode, is a loud, boisterous, and very likable bundle of energy with a childlike fascination with the world around him.  Highly outgoing, he uses his unorthodox social skills to make connections and help the fighters through any physical or emotional troubles they may have. 

At 6'7", SkySkrape is a strange sight in his big-hair wigs and novelty glasses, and serves as Tapout's main comedy relief.  In stark contrast is the diminutive Punkass, a strong, silent type who handles most of the company business and maintains a bemused deadpan during his companions' prankish antics.
 

 

It's fun watching these guys hang out at the various gyms and scout new fighters to sponsor, or simply take advantage of all the fun that can be had in each new location that they find themselves in.  This may include autograph-signing events, appearances on radio shows, or auditioning sexy bikini babes for their promotional photos.  On the flip side, we also see them staking a homeless fighter to three months' rent on an apartment (followed by three more if he keeps up his training), and generally going the extra mile for those less fortunate.  Behind all the clowning, they seem to be truly stand-up guys.

It all leads up to the big fight that usually takes up the last ten or fifteen minutes of each episode.  After each bout, Mask, SkySkrape, and Punkass offer their play-by-play analysis along with slow-motion highlights of the best moments.  The slam-bang action and the suspense of seeing if Tapout's chosen competitor is going to win each time are addictive, and I found myself watching all 20 episodes of this thoroughly entertaining series in just a few marathon sessions.  Needless to say, I now have a new appreciation for mixed martial arts and the athletes who participate in it.

The 5-disc collection from Image Entertainment is in full-screen with Dolby Digital stereo.  There are no subtitles and no extras.  The discs are stacked in a clamp-like device that I don't think I've encountered before, but after some careful thought I devised a clever method of getting the discs in and out without much trouble.

About halfway through viewing TAPOUT: THE COMPLETE SERIES, I discovered that Charles "Mask" Lewis was killed on March 11, 2009, in an auto accident involving a drunk driver.  In addition to being a major bringdown, the fact that I knew he didn't have long to live really forced me to watch the rest of the series in a whole new light.  Whether cutting up with SkySkrape in the back of their Tapout RV with the unflappable Punkass at the wheel, or mixing it up with old and new friends all along the way, Mask seemed to be having a ball living his life every minute of the day.  I guess this series is as good a way as any to remember him.

THE KILLER -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 3/24/10

 

I wasn't that impressed with THE KILLER (1989) the first time I saw it back in the 90s. Then again, I was watching a choppy pan-and-scan VHS copy that was badly-dubbed and looked awful. Plus, I'd just been blown away by HARD BOILED (still my favorite John Woo film), and THE KILLER seemed rather tame in comparison with that insanely action-packed epic. But with the new 2-disc Ultimate Edition of THE KILLER on the Dragon Dynasty label, I'm finally getting to see it in all its uncut pictorial glory and appreciate it as one of the finest action films ever made.

I think it was an episode of the great TV series "The Incredibly Strange Film Show" that first got me interested in the films of John Woo, Tsui Hark, and other hot Hong Kong directors. I found the innovative and extremely rapid-fire editing in the film clips to be a new and exhilarating visual experience. Just as the Beatles interpreted American rock 'n' roll and rhythm and blues and played it back to us in exciting new ways, Hong Kong cinema was assimilating the methods of Sam Peckinpah and others and using this as a starting point for creating a super-charged cinematic style that would, in turn, have an overwhelming effect on the future of American action cinema.

Woo himself credits many influences, among them French director Jean-Pierre Melville, certain Japanese films, and classical American cinema. Unsurprisingly, Sam Peckinpah and Martin Scorcese are key figures in the development of his film style, in addition to the old Hollywood musicals. Woo calls THE KILLER an "action-musical", and it's easy to see how his shoot-em-up sequences are often inspired by the spirit of that genre's more dazzling and dynamic production numbers. (I'm guessing Woo is an admirer of Gene Kelly and films such as SINGIN' IN THE RAIN and ON THE TOWN.)


There's even a little bit of Charlie Chaplin's CITY LIGHTS, I think, in the relationship between ace hitman Ah Jong (the great Chow Yun-Fat) and Jennie (Sally Yeh), the pretty young cabaret singer who was blinded during one of his hits. The guilt-ridden Ah Jong befriends Jennie with the hope of helping her regain her eyesight with a cornea transplant, but to pay for the operation he will have to postpone his plans to retire and perform one last hit. Complicating matters is the fact that the evil Triad boss for whom he works has just put out the order for Ah Jong himself to be eliminated.

Meanwhile, Inspector Li Ying (Danny Lee), a renegade cop who has the same "hate-hate" relationship with his boss as countless other renegade cops before him, is hot on Ah Jong's trail and has traced him to Jennie. In a strange turn of events, cop and hitman become grudging allies as Li Ying sympathizes with Ah Jong's desire to help Jennie and decides to back him up when the Triad kill squad comes a-callin'. This leads to a blazing shoot-out in a church with the fate of our unlikely heroes in the balance.

Unlike the usual stoic, repressed action figure, Chow Yun Fat's character is a man of deep feelings whose code of killing only bad guys is compromised not only by Jennie's injury but by the shooting of a little girl during an exciting escape from the police. Ah Jong risks his freedom to race the girl to a hospital, where he and Li Ying have one of many Mexican standoffs (Woo really loves these) just a few feet away from where doctors are struggling to save the girl's life.

Here, and in Ah Jong's scenes with Jennie, Woo's penchant for melodrama and sentimentality come to the fore. Such unrestrained romanticism may be off-putting to more hardcore action fans who prefer their mayhem untainted by mush. Although it gets a little thick at times, I think this gives an interesting added dimension to Woo's passages of gun-blazing carnage, as does the underlying religious tone (Woo describes himself as a Christian) which makes Ah Jong such a conflicted character seeking redemption.


Also interesting is the fact that Li Ying begins to identify with and even admire him for his honorable qualities--Woo points out their similarities in a nice parallel-image sequence--as their mutual concern for Jennie has them pretending to be and eventually becoming friends. Woo's humor comes to the fore when they initially hold each other at gunpoint while assuring the blind Jenny that all is well, even giving each other affectionate nicknames "Small B" and "Shrimp Head" (or "Mickey Mouse" and "Dumbo" in the English dub). By the end of the movie, they're as close as brothers and willing to die for each other.

More than anything else, however, THE KILLER is a feast for action connoisseurs as Woo stages one astounding shoot-out after another. His trademarks are all here, from the rapid-fire two-gun approach (his heroes never seem to run out of bullets) which has since been adopted by, well, everybody, to the sliding-backward-on-the-floor-while firing method, to everything else in-between. Innovations abound, with Woo's distinctive use of slow-motion and freeze-frames mixed with the regular action as his artistic sensibility sees fit, all creatively edited into a barrage of explosive images that bombard the viewer in waves of kinetic visual sensation.

Some of the action borders on the surreal, with scores of bad guys swarming non-stop into the line of fire only to be mowed down in twisting, jerking, blood-spewing (yet strangely balletic) death throes. Echoes of the famous shoot-outs from Peckinpah's THE WILD BUNCH pervade the climactic battle in the church, while the melodrama of the story weaves its way through the hail of bullets and fiery explosions toward a starkly emotional conclusion. It bears noting that Woo improvised much of the story and dialogue on-set, shooting from a treatment rather than a finished script, yet considers this to be one of his most "complete" films.


The Dragon Dynasty DVD is in the original widescreen with Dolby Digital sound. Languages are Cantonese and dubbed English, both mono, with English and Spanish subtitles. The second disc includes an intimate interview with John Woo, two audience Q & A's with Woo which accompanied screenings of THE KILLER and HARD BOILED, a look at the locations of THE KILLER then and now, and a John Woo trailer gallery. Missing in action is a commentary track.

Whether you're a long-time fan or just seeing it for the first time, Dragon Dynasty's Ultimate Edition of THE KILLER is a great way to experience this dazzling Hong Kong action classic.

THE CHAOS EXPERIMENT -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/3/09

 

Val Kilmer continues to turn up in the darndest things these days. This time, he's playing a psychotic bundle of nervous tics named Jimmy Pettis, who shows up at a newspaper office in Grand Rapids, Michigan one day and calmly informs the editor-in-chief that he's just locked six people in a steambath in order to demonstrate the social chaos that will occur all over the world in 2012 because of global warming. Read that sentence again if you want--I'll wait.

During THE CHAOS EXPERIMENT, aka "The Steam Experiment" (2009), we see the inconvenient truth of how quickly societal constraints and civility break down and sheer self-centered panic takes over when you trap a group of strangers in a room and turn the heat way up. Especially when most of those people aren't very well-balanced in the first place.  

Eric Roberts, who recently had a plum role as a mob boss in THE DARK KNIGHT, plays former pro football player Grant, who must not be doing very well these days seeing that he fell for Pettis' online dating service scam. The same goes for dweeby Christopher (STARSHIP TROOPERS' Patrick Muldoon) and hotheaded Italian stallion Frank (Quinn Duffy). The three ladies involved are the gorgeous but hostile Jessie (Eve Mauro), the dangerously neurotic Margaret (Cordelia Reynolds), and a diminutive blond named Catherine (Megan Brown).

After a round of introductions, director Philippe Martinez does all the heterosexual males in the audience a huge favor by having Jessie remove her bikini top, strut across the room in slow motion, and recline invitingly on a tiled bench, all to the strains of Ravel's "Bolero." For me, the movie will never get quite that good again. Soon after, someone discovers that the door has been locked from the outside and the steam is rising. In no time a claustrophobic Frank, who's blood is already up from Jessie's teasing performance and mocking derision, goes bonkers and gets violent, and must be dealt with.

In quick succession each of the other prisoners starts to lose it big time. The weird thing about this is that we never get the impression that very much time has passed at all, or that the rising heat is particularly life-threatening. So the fact that all of these people just freak out in no time flat seems a bit extreme. I'd hate to see what would happen if they got stuck in an elevator--they'd probably start eating each other.

A couple of their escape attempts are pretty cool, especially when Grant manages to break the little window in the door and Jessie pokes her head out to see what's what. Mainly, though, the chaos erupts too soon and escalates at an unbelievable rate until we have people killing each other like wild animals or committing suicide in utter despair after what only seems to us like a couple of hours in the steamroom. Martinez has designed all of these scenes to have a washed-out yellowish hue and uses lots of slow-motion, dissolves, montages, and other effects to distance us from what's going on, as though we're watching somebody's hazy fever dream.

Meanwhile, awesomely cool method actor Armand Assante arrives at the newspaper office as Detective Mancini and makes the movie somewhat more enjoyable for us Armand Assante fans. Mancini hauls the uncooperative Pettis into the interrogation room down at the station and they face each other across a table for much of the rest of the movie. Their conversation is mostly a shaggy-dog story intercut with scenes of the unfortunate hostages, giving Assante a chance to be cool and Kilmer a chance to audition for the role of the Joker in the next Batman movie. I'll eat my terrycloth bathrobe if his performance here isn't influenced by Heath Ledger's in THE DARK KNIGHT, only without the crazed laughter or any of that demented brilliance. I like Kilmer a lot when he's being Doc Holliday, Inish Scull, the guy from HEAT, or even, yes, Batman, but in this movie he just isn't on.

The DVD is letterboxed with Dolby Digital 5.1 sound. There are no extras.

THE CHAOS EXPERIMENT is an okay time-waster that isn't horrible but, aside from that rather stimulating "Bolero" scene, isn't particularly good, either. The presence of three of my favorite actors--Assante, Roberts, and Kilmer--is a definite plus, although even they can't do much to liven up this unbelievable and often dull story. A last-minute attempt at a twist ending sends the movie off with a groan.

STREETS OF BLOOD -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/30/09

 

"Are we even cops anymore?"
"We're past that, brother."

Val Kilmer's character, Det. Andy Devereaux, is referring to the fact that he and his fellow cops in STREETS OF BLOOD (2009) have ventured far beyond the bounds of acceptable police procedure in their quest to stem the rising tide of drug-related crime in the hurricane-ravaged Big Easy. 

 But seeing that Kilmer, Sharon Stone, and Michael Biehn are appearing in this tacky, low-grade potboiler, the question he's answering might as well have been "Are we even movie stars anymore?"

Somehow, though, once I got past the possibility that this was going to be a classy, top-notch movie and lowered my expectations accordingly, I actually started to enjoy it. It's fast-moving, action-packed, and rather colorful in its depiction of the dark underbelly of New Orleans, with plenty of sleazy sex and violence to give it that neo-grindhouse appeal. Big names aside, it's not all that different from the cheap, direct-to-video action flicks I used to rent from hole-in-the-wall video stores back in the 80s.

Val Kilmer is an actor I like in just about anything, so I cut him some slack here even though he isn't all that successful at making me think he's from anywhere near Louisiana. As Andy Devereaux, a hardboiled narc trying to live up to his hero-cop father's legacy, he's a true blue cop even though he'll bend the hell out of the rules to make a bust.  

Curtis "Fifty Cent" Jackson plays his partner, Stan, a family man having trouble making ends meet and feeling the temptation to pocket some of the stacks of drug money they come across. Jackson seems more comfortable playing gangstas than cops, but he does a pretty good job here even though he could still use a few more acting lessons.

Andy and Stan often butt heads with Pepe (Jose Pablo Cantillo) and Barney (Brian Presley), two really out-of-control cops who like to kill bad guys, take their cash, do their drugs, and screw their girlfriends. But the two disparate duos find themselves working together when FBI agent Brown (Michael Biehn) launches an investigation that threatens to bring them all down just as they're starting to close in on the biggest drug gang in the city, the Latin Kings, run by a stone cold killer named Chamorro (Luis Rolon).

While all this is going on, a police psychologist named Nina (Sharon Stone) is conducting interviews with the main cops in order to find out why they have such a penchant for extreme violence, including Andy's four lethal shootings in three years ("I'm a good shot," he tells her). Stone comes off like a cross between Daisy Duke on 'ludes and a slow-drawlin' Mae West, with one of the worst southern accents in film history--I live about sixty miles from where this was filmed, and I don't think I've ever met anyone who talks like her. What, did she base her entire performance on a "Deputy Dawg" cartoon she saw when she was a kid? Anyway, she's just plain awful here, but it's kinda funny so that might actually be a plus.

The action scenes are somewhat artlessly staged, the photography looks like the cameramen were hopping around barefoot on a hot sidewalk, and the editing is less than exquisite. Those minor quibbles aside, however, the movie still manages to be exciting and fun to watch. Some scenes even generate a certain raw power, such as Kilmer's blow-up during an interrogation scene with Biehn and a trigger-happy exchange between Pepe and Barney and a pimpin' lowlife named Ray Delacroix (Davi Jay) who turns out to be working with the DEA. Several of the snappy dialogue scenes crackle with tension. Jose Pablo Cantillo is a standout as Pepe, and Biehn, as usual, turns in a solid performance. The post-Katrina flood sequence is atmospheric, while good use is made of locations in and around the city of Shreveport.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is bonus-less except for the film's trailer and English subtitles for the hard-of-hearing. The 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen image and Dolby Surround 5.1 are good.

Technically, STREETS OF BLOOD is a pretty slapdash affair, but that didn't keep me from enjoying it. I even watched it again and liked it better the second time because I knew what to expect and what not to expect. Even when the surprise ending was entirely unbelievable, I just accepted it as part of the film's cheapo charm. And when it was over, I almost felt like I needed to rewind the tape, pop it out of the VCR, and get it back to the mom-and-pop video store where I rented it in time to avoid a late fee. After dubbing a copy, of course.

Scary Monster Transformation Scenes (video)

Scary Monster Transformation Scenes

Mad Monster (1942)
Return of the Vampire (1944)
The Neanderthal Man (1953)
The Werewolf (1956)
The Vampire (1957)
I Was A Teenage Werewolf (1957)
Fury of the Wolfman (1972)

Read our reviews of "Return of the Vampire" , "The Vampire", and "Neanderthal Man" 


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

Horse-Laugh Scream in "Werewolf Of London" (1935) (video)

In 1935, Valerie Hobson was featured in both "Bride of Frankenstein"...

...and "Werewolf of London."

She's quite lovely, although in one close-up in "Werewolf of London"...

...she displays her patented "horse-laugh" scream face.


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/25/21

 

I've been a bad movie lover for so long, I can sit back and enjoy movies like FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER (1965) just as much as I would CITIZEN KANE or THE SOUND OF MUSIC, whereas your average normal person might find both their gag reflex and their flight instinct activated by the very sight of it.

I pity such people their inability to watch stuff like this with the same giddy delight I felt as I ordered the DVD from Amazon, knowing that when it arrived, I would be able to immerse myself in low budget, ineptly made, but wonderfully entertaining sci-fi goodness about aliens from Mars who have come to Earth to kidnap women as breeding stock to help repopulate their atomic war-ravaged planet.

As if that weren't enough, NASA scientist Dr. Adam Steele (venerable actor James "Jim" Karen in an early role) and his co-worker Karen (Nancy Marshall) have just made space travel safer for humans by creating an android astronaut, whom they've named "Colonel Frank Saunders" (Robert Reilly). 

 

 

 
Right after Frank is launched into space, the Martians shoot his rocket down, leaving the horribly disfigured humanoid robot roaming the countryside killing people a la "Frankenstein."

Not only am I not making any of that stuff up, but it's even nuttier than it sounds. The head Martians are played by former Playboy Playmate and Three Stooges co-star Marilyn Hanold (as "Princess Marcuzan") and familiar face Lou Cutell (LITTLE BIG MAN, PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE) as her second-in-command Dr. Nadir, a bald, white-skinned alien with pointed ears and a high camp sense of humor that kicks in whenever he's ordered to blow something up or shoot it down.

Their bargain-basement spaceship is also populated by a gaggle of henchmen whose spacesuits, confusingly, make them look like Earth astronauts. There's also a tall, brawny alien played by the great Bruce Glover (CHINATOWN, DIAMONDS ARE FOREVER, WALKING TALL), recognizable even under heavy makeup in his second movie role. He also plays the fearsome space monster of the title, who will indeed meet "Frankenstein" during the film's furious climax.

 

 

 
The story begins in Florida, where, at a press conference, we're treated to the sight of Frank rather comically going freeze-frame during a press conference and having to be hustled back to the lab for repairs by Adam and Karen.

Then we're whisked off to Puerto Rico after Frank's disfiguring crash, allowing the director to shoot a lengthy montage of the two scientists riding a dinky motor scooter along scenic motorways and beachfronts to the film's sappy and rather incongruous love theme, "To Have And To Hold" by The Distant Cousins.

While the two young lovers search for their runaway robo-astronaut, the Martians terrorize the countryside kidnapping bikini-clad women from beaches and pool parties, disintegrating any men who get in their way with sunlight-reflecting ray guns like the ones used in TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE.

 

 

 
Also like that film, this one is surprisingly well-edited, with a gradually quickening pace that leads to a fast-moving, exciting finale that sees the Martians attacked by our air force and Frank, his rational mind now restored, going mano-a-mano with that really cool space monster.

Just as Johnny Depp claims in ED WOOD that he could construct a whole movie out of stock footage, this one goes a long way toward doing just that by using tons of the stuff for any scenes involving either the military or NASA spacecraft (including much footage from Mercury launches and orbital photography). The final five frenetic minutes or so are evidence that the film's editor was having a ball putting this thing together, and it's infectious.

Granted, the shamelessly warped FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER would fit comfortably onto any list of the worst films ever made, but that doesn't keep it from being just as much fun as a lot of "good" movies that I could name. Maybe even more fun if, like me, you're just a tiny bit warped too. 

When The Universal Monsters Carried The Ladies (video)

Carrying the leading lady is a time-honored tradition among monsters.

Most of Universal's monsters got their chance, but not all.
Neither the Invisible Man nor the Wolf Man had the temperament for it.
The opportunity never presented itself to Karloff's "The Mummy" (1932).

Quasimodo (Lon Chaney, Sr.) carried Esmerelda in "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" (1923).

Bela Lugosi carried Helen Chandler in "Dracula" (1931).
Carlos Villarías carried Lupita Tovar in the Spanish version.

Kharis the Mummy carried Peggy Moran in "The Mummy's Hand" (1940)...
...and Elyse Knox in "The Mummy's Tomb" (1942)...
...and Ramsay Ames in "The Mummy's Ghost" (1944)...
...and Virginia Christine in "The Mummy's Curse" (1944).

The "Creature From the Black Lagoon" carried Julie Adams in 1954...
...and later Lori Nelson in "Revenge of the Creature."

Out of all his films, the Frankenstein Monster only got to do it once...
...when Bela Lugosi's stand-in Gil Perkins carried Ilona Massey in "Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man" (1943). 

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material.  Just having some fun with it.  Thanks for watching!

The Frozen Grin Dude From "Frankenstein 1970" (1958) (video)

 

Publicist Mike is carrying a torch for starlet Carolyn. 

So he decides to pull the old "frozen grin" move on her. 

Amazingly, it fails.

Oh well...torch, scorch, unforch.

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

 

RAGS TO RICHES: THE COMPLETE SERIES -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/13/12

 

A weird conglomeration of teen period musical, teen family drama, teen family sitcom, adult dramedy, and all-around idiocy, NBC-TV's RAGS TO RICHES: THE COMPLETE SERIES (1987-88) comes to DVD in a five-disc, 20-episode set that's like a grueling marathon of sheer teen "WTF?"

Actually it isn't totally bad once you get used to it, but getting used to it is a pretty major undertaking.  What we have here is Joseph Bologna (MY FAVORITE YEAR) as frozen foods tycoon Nick Foley, a "streetwise" New Jersey-born playboy circa 1961 who wants to improve his public image by temporarily adopting six orphan girls aged 8-17.  Naturally, their initial culture clashes and personality conflicts will evolve into mutual love and understanding as the odd sextet become a family, with everyone learning and growing and all that good stuff.

The movie-length pilot (which, for some reason, is called "Rags and Riches" and looks like a crudely-edited workprint) gives us six downtrodden Annies in search of a Daddy Warbucks while the hateful old spinster in charge of them threatens to ship them all off to juvy hall.  After being adopted by Nick--on the advice of his young assistant, played by an embryonic, Gumby-haired Bill Maher--their rough adjustment to the lap of luxury is complicated when they discover that Nick and his loathesome fiance' have planned to ship the girls off to a strict boarding school ASAP. 

Choosing what they consider the lesser of two evils, they run back to the orphanage, whereupon Nick realizes how much he now loves them and can't live without them.  He goes to the orphange to fetch them home, thus setting the stage for seemingly endless adventures in adolescent angst which often escalates to nightmarish proportions.  (The sixth girl, Heather McAdam as "Nina", disappears from the cast after the pilot.)

While "Brady Bunch"-type comedy abounds along with several of its plotlines (in one episode, 13-year-old Patti's big science project is--you guessed it--a volcano), a big factor here is broad, relentlessly overplayed drama.  Particularly in the earlier episodes, these young actresses are so doggedly intense that their scenes resemble really bad drama class exercises, with future "Martin" co-star Tisha Campbell as Marva often being the most freakishly overwrought. 

Not only that, but their characters often come across as total spoiled bitches, constantly screaming their lungs out at Nick and each other before stomping offscreen and slamming doors.  A typical example:  "Blah blah blah!!!  I am not going to [whatever Nick has told her to do] and there's nothing you can do about it!!!"  STOMP STOMP STOMP!!!  SLAM!!! 

Even as late as episode 12 ("Wilderness Blues"), Nick's insistence that they go camping as a family leads to his being mercilessly harangued day and night, to such an extent that I wouldn't have blamed him for lobbing a live grenade into the girls' tent after lights-out.  Of course, strong-willed Marva runs away to be with her college-aged boyfriend the moment Nick turns his back, ranting and fuming the whole time, while Rose (Kimiko Gelman, THE HUNGER GAMES) and ditzy blonde Diane (Bridget Michele) sneak off to attend a dance at the lodge. 

Later episodes begin to show a promise that the series' second-season cancellation would cut short.  "Dear Diary" features Robin Curtis ("Lt. Saavik" in THE SEARCH FOR SPOCK) as an unconventional teacher whom conservative dad Dick Van Patten wants fired for being an unhealthy influence on her students.  "Born to Ride" guest-stars David Paymer (GET SHORTY) as a con man faking an injury to gain insurance money after supposedly being hit by novice driver Diane. 

The final episode, "Sweet Sixteen", ends the series on a high note as the Cuban Missile Crisis drives the Foley's into their newly-built bomb shelter and those of us old enough to remember get to relive what the whole atomic bomb scare was like, complete with elementary school kids participating in "duck and cover" drills.  The song-and-dance stuff is mercifully toned down in this one, and we get the idea that the show might have actually evolved into something pretty worthwhile if allowed to continue. 

High points aside, however, much of "Rags to Riches" is business-as-usual dumb stuff straight outta Bradyville but with loads of bratty attitude that Mike and Carol never had to contend with.  In "Business is Business", Marva buys her own lunch wagon against Nick's advice and then, when the endeavor goes south, immediately drives it to a secluded area and douses it with gasoline so she can torch it and collect the insurance!  (Fabian and Ken "Eddie Haskell" Osmond guest star as her unscrupulous competitors.) 

"Foley vs. Foley" is the old saw of the girls protesting the closing of lovable Spiro's (Jack Kruschen) hamburger joint to make way for the new Foley building complex.  "Hunk in the House" has Rose and Diane both falling for Nick's visiting godson, played by a young Richard Grieco.  "Marva in the Key of Cee" is the show's version of the Marcia Brady-Davy Jones affair, but with Marva promising to get retired torch singer Cee Cee Smith (Margaret Avery, THE COLOR PURPLE) to sing at the prom without actually asking her first.  "Partridge Family" alumnus Danny Bonaduce shows up in "Guess Who's Coming To Slumber?", the old story of the illicit party that gets horribly out of control while Nick is due to return from a trip at any minute.

"Vegas Rock" and "Once Upon a Lifeguard" play up the girls' sexuality in borderline inappropriate ways.  In the former, they secretly follow Nick to Las Vegas because, as usual, they do whatever they damn well please, and end up performing onstage in showgirl costumes.  In the latter, Patti's desire to impress a hunky older lifeguard has her sashaying around in skimpy bathing suits and stuffing her bra to Mae West proportions.  (Future porn actor Scott Schwartz of A CHRISTMAS STORY guest stars.)  While this is ostensibly meant to draw in potential teen male viewers, it sometimes comes off as a tad creepy. 

For better or worse, however, what really sets "Rags to Riches" apart from other shows of its ilk is the fact that it's a musical.  This means that the girls break into song and dance numbers at the drop of a plot twist, and more often than not they're blaring, sassy-brassy covers of 50s-60s tunes (their lyrics altered to fit the storylines, as when "Please Mr. Postman" becomes "Hey, Mr. Foley") with lots of head jerking, hand jiving, arm flailing, and generally obnoxious choreography that would embarrass even Paula Abdul.  Even the youngest sister Mickey (played by perhaps the best actress of the bunch, 8-year-old Heidi Zeigler) gets into the act with her saxophone, which we're supposed to believe she can play like a pint-sized Tom Scott. 

When this happens, the girls suddenly turn into hopped-up speed-freak versions of the Pointer Sisters for a couple of minutes before going back to what they were doing as though nothing had happened.  As if that weren't bad enough, Joseph Bologna and Douglas Seale (as their overly-cutesy British butler, Clapper) sometimes add their rusty pipes to the mix.  On the rare occasions that a slow ballad is required, the girls display some pretty nice singing voices, as when Patti (Blanca De Garr) and Rose duet on "Anyone Who Had A Heart."  Some of the songs are anachronistic ("You're No Good", "Get Ready") considering the show's early 60s time frame, but since the whole thing's a fantasy anyway I suppose it doesn't really matter.

The 5-disc set (running time 18 hrs. 20 min.) from Image Entertainment has an aspect ratio of 1.33.1 with Dolby Digital sound.  There are no subtitles or extras.

Much of RAGS TO RICHES: THE COMPLETE SERIES finds Joseph Bologna struggling to figure out just how the hell to play this kind of teen-oriented nonsense while his young female costars chew up the scenery like a school of ravenous singing and dancing piranha.  And just when they all seem to be on the verge of finding their way, the party's over.  While I can't wholeheartedly recommend it as actual entertainment, I must say that this bizarre patchwork creation is one of the most perversely interesting train wrecks I've seen in a long time.

THE LOST TREASURE OF THE GRAND CANYON -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on May 7, 2009

 

A Sci-Fi Channel original movie is like a box of chocolates--you never know what you're gonna get, or just how nutty it's gonna be. THE LOST TREASURE OF THE GRAND CANYON (2008) is not only nutty as hell, but it's so hard to swallow that Forrest Gump would've choked on it.

Shannen Doherty stars as a 19th-century archeologist named Susan Jordan (who is anachronistically referred to in the DVD's captions as "Ms. Jordan"). Susan is following in the footsteps of her father--literally, in fact, since he disappeared on an expedition in the American southwest and she's on the hunt for him. 

Dr. Jordan (Duncan Fraser) was searching for an Aztec pyramid that's supposed to be hidden out there somewhere, and Susan enlists the aid of her colleagues in her search. The trail leads them to a grand canyon, just like the title says, only it isn't THE Grand Canyon since this was filmed in British Columbia.

Finding a passageway into the hidden canyon, the group encounters a hostile tribe of Aztecs who seem to be constantly sacrificing people to appease their horrible flying serpent god. These Aztecs are a motley bunch with pallid skin, cottage cheese thighs, and big butts, and they wear the same kind of flip-flops that you get out of a bin at Wal-Mart, but Shannen and her pals have their hands full fighting them off while struggling through a series of low-grade cliffhanger perils. 

These include trying to get through a booby-trapped doorway without being decapitated by the spring-loaded axe, falling into a pit where they must avoid getting beaned by a spiked ball on a chain, and, in one of the lamest suspense scenes ever, attempting to pull two of their group out of a large puddle of quicksand by poking sticks at them.

Shannen Doherty is getting a bit long-in-the-tooth to be playing this sort of ingenue role, especially when we (along with the male leads) are supposed to be titillated by the sight of her sponging off in a creek. "Stargate SG-1" alumnus Michael Shanks fares a bit better as Shannen's secret admirer Jacob Thain, a hands-off archeologist who'd rather stay in his tent than pick up a shovel but who turns out to be quite courageous and resourceful when the chips are down. 

Another familiar face, JR Bourne, does well as the cowardly Langford. Heather Doerksen ("Stargate: Atlantis", THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL) plays one of those irritating frontier feminists whose character gets sillier as the movie goes on, along with the script.

LOST TREASURE wants to offer up the same excitement and thrills as an Indiana Jones or Ricochet O'Connell adventure, but it just doesn't have the budget or the talent to pull off anything that comes close. Sparse production values and really bad CGI conspire to give the film a consistently bargain-basement look (shots of the canyon's interior are particularly cheesy), which is compounded by slipshod direction from LAWNMOWER MAN 2's Farhad Mann and some of the worst handheld camerawork I've ever seen. And since it's a Sci-Fi Channel original, you just know there's going to be a CGI creature--in this case, the Aztec serpent god--that's considerably less than convincing.

The DVD's 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen image and Dolby 5.1 sound are good. The sole bonus feature is a "making-of" short that lasts about twelve minutes and consists mainly of cast interviews.

I try not to judge low-budget made-for-TV flicks too harshly, especially if they have that elusive "so bad it's good" quality that can make a lesser effort fun to watch. However, THE LOST TREASURE OF THE GRAND CANYON is, for me, simply boring and a chore to endure. The cast is pretty game, but the filmmakers just don't seem to be trying any harder than they have to.

 

SINGIN' IN THE RAIN -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

 

 

 

Originally posted on 12/11/15

 

Some musicals are great comedies, others great love stories.  Some are known for their music and songs, some for the wonderful dancing.  But when a musical excels at all four of these--as does SINGIN' IN THE RAIN (1952)--then you're looking at a prime candidate for the best and most popular musical of all time.

SINGIN' IN THE RAIN comes about as close to creating a colorful explosion of pure, undiluted joy as a movie can get.  Basically a "jukebox" musical--that is, a collection of already-existing song favorites written (mostly) by producer Arthur Freed and Nacio Herb Brown which have nothing to do with each other besides being fortuitously inserted into the same story--it's a labor of love in which co-directors Stanley Donen and Gene Kelly teamed up to make sure the music and dance numbers were intertwined seamlessly with the narrative and staged in the most artistic and gloriously cinematic style possible.

The handsome, charismatic Kelly, who shows off his robustly masculine, athletic style in a succession of wild yet precise song-and-dance workouts, plays silent film idol Don Lockwood.  We see him starting out in vaudeville along with his lifelong buddy Cosmo (Donald O'Connor) before becoming a lowly Hollywood stuntman and finally graduating to stardom along with ditzy blonde Lina Lamont, who believes the publicity about their torrid romance even though he can't stand her.  Don, meanwhile, has become smitten with a cute aspiring actress named Kathy Selden (Debbie Reynolds), who intially feigns aloofness even though she's secretly a big fan of his.

Wildly comical self-parody abounds as this big Hollywood production pokes fun at big Hollywood productions such as Don and Lina's corny silent epics.  An early highlight is a typical gala premiere where the faux couple display their artificial "lofty artist" personas for an adoring crowd.  But with the release of the surprise smash sensation THE JAZZ SINGER, silents are out and "talkies" are suddenly all the rage, throwing the studios and their stars into a chaotic scramble to give the public what they want. 

Several real-life silent stars such as Garbo's leading man John Gilbert found their careers on the rocks when their voices proved inadequate for sound.  Such is Lina's problem when it turns out her grating accent and horrendous diction threaten to make her a laughing stock on the screen.  Oscar-nominated Jean Hagen (PANIC IN YEAR ZERO) is hilarious in the role, as in frazzled director Roscoe Dexter's (Douglas Fowley) vain attempts to master the new art of sound recording during a florid love scene in which Lina doggedly refuses to speak into the hidden microphone.  

The solution?  Hire Kathy Selden to dub both Lina's speaking and singing voices and then turn Don and Lina's latest silent picture into a musical, "The Dancing Cavalier." But while this arrangement is meant to be only temporary, Lina demands that Kathy henceforth secretly do all of her dubbing, and nothing else, thus derailing Kathy's own promising career.

 

While all this is going on--which we know will eventually work itself out in wonderful and amusing ways--Kelly, O'Connor, and Reynolds are working overtime to give us the best show that the film medium has to offer.  The results, under the direction of stern, uncompromising choreographer/taskmaster Kelly, are nothing less than incredible. 

SINGIN' IN THE RAIN bursts forth with song at the slightest provocation, yet it never seems less than spontaneous or perfectly fitting for the occasion.  Don and Cosmo's breathless vaudeville montage "Fit as a Fiddle (And Ready for Love)" is just a warm-up for their screamingly funny precision dance duet "Moses Supposes" as well as O'Connor's absolutely astounding solo sensation "Make 'Em Laugh", a whirlwind of frenetic energy which he ends by literally running up the walls.  It's one of the most astonishing physical performances in any musical, ever.

Debbie gets into the act with the delightfully breezy "Good Morning", which shows how impressive a dedicated song-and-dance novice can be with Gene Kelly as her tutor.  While the number was obviously an ordeal to get just right, these three make it seem effortless.  With "You Were Meant For Me", Kelly emphasizes the artifice of filmmaking by having Don stage an impromptu love song for Kathy in an empty studio soundstage complete with wind machine and painted backdrop.  It's an elegant moment amidst the frivolity.



Still moreso is Kelly's dazzling movie-within-a-movie, "Broadway Melody Ballet", a lengthy interlude in which he plays an ambitious young hoofer arriving in town looking for stardom, only to be seduced and then discarded by a gorgeous goodtime gal played to perfection by she of the long legs and slinky shape, Cyd Charisse.  Their dance incorporates several styles from jazz to ballet, all of it mesmerizing. 

But most memorable of all is Gene Kelly's immortal "Singin' in the Rain" sequence, in which the lovestruck Don expresses his boundless feelings for Kathy by singing and dancing gleefully down a dark city street in the middle of a downpour.  It's one of cinema's most endearing expressions of pure, uninhibited optimism, made all the more impressive by the knowledge that Kelly performed it that day with a raging fever of 103 degrees.  

One of the best things about SINGIN' IN THE RAIN is that the story of Hollywood's painful transition from silents to talkies is fun and entertaining on its own, while serving as an ideal vehicle for the seemingly unrelated songs--most already decades old, including the 1929 title tune--which are somehow perfectly incorporated into it.  It's a giddy, affectionate, super-charged celebration of song, dance, movies, romance, and sheer joy. 

Failed Stunt Used In John Wayne Western "The Trail Beyond" (1934) (video)

Lone Star studios hated to waste footage...

...so failed stunts were worked into the action whenever possible.

Here's an exciting one from John Wayne's 1934 western THE TRAIL BEYOND, performed by either Yakima Canutt or Eddie Parker. (Looks like Eddie.)

 

Video by Porfle Popnecker. I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Maureen O'Hara's Unquiet Whisper in John Ford's "THE QUIET MAN" (Republic, 1952) (video)

"The Quiet Man" was a dream project for director John Ford, and a fond tribute to his Irish heritage.

John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara were ideal as the tempestuous romantic couple, Sean and Mary Kate.

The chemistry between Duke and Maureen was off the charts.

Their characters marry, but marital bliss doesn't come until film's end.

John Ford had an idea--he wanted Maureen to whisper something shockingly suggestive to Duke.

Ford wanted a real reaction from him...and got it.

Maureen insisted that what she said never be revealed.  And it wasn't.

The only three people who knew are all gone.  And now...we can but imagine.

What could she possibly have said to elicit such a doubletake from Duke?


I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Ed Wood In Drag (video)

Filmmaker Edward D. Wood, Jr. "came out" as a transvestite...

in his semi-autobiographical 1953 film GLEN OR GLENDA?

Here are some scenes of him in drag from that movie as well as clips from "Take It Out In Trade" (Something Weird Video) and home movie footage (Legend Films), both from the 70s.

Originally posted on 3/15/18
I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having some fun with it. Thanks for watching!