LUNOPOLIS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 9/24/11

 

"Blair Witch"-style mockumentaries...conspiracy theories...UFOs..."The X-Files"...various other paranormal stuff...if any or all of these things spark your interest, then chances are LUNOPOLIS (2009) will really pop your cork. 

It also helps if you get into stuff like The History Channel, too--much of the middle section of the film looks like it might have been produced for it, with its various "expert" talking heads and illustrative graphics--but if you don't, then this film is equally likely to act as an effective cure for insomnia.  Me, I bought into it hook, line, and sinker and thus found it uniquely fascinating from start to finish.

The premise is that a documentary film crew led by Matt (writer-director Matthew Avant) and Sonny (Hal Maynor)  has gotten ahold of a weird photograph, supposedly smuggled out of Area 51, that leads them to an underground facility beneath a Louisiana swamp.  Their cinema verite' exploration of this dark, dungeon-like space is claustrophobic and creepy, leading to the discovery of a strange device that looks a bit like a makeshift jet pack.

After shadowy figures chase them back to the surface, they take the device back to the lab and activate it.  Its wearer disappears for almost five seconds, then everyone in the room is zapped unconscious.  Further investigation brings them into rough contact with the Church of Lunology, whose scary, threatening followers make Tom Cruise look normal.  Deeper into the rabbit hole they go, uncovering a plot involving a secret city on the moon (whose inhabitants are already among us) and a mission to send time travelers into the past to tweak our history, thus creating an overlapping jumble of parallel dimensions. 

What makes LUNOPOLIS so convincing is the realistic acting of its leads, who are excellent at seeming spontaneous and unrehearsed (something even the greatest actors can be incapable of).  Most of the camcorder sequences really do look like actual found footage (albeit very nicely shot and edited), making it even more disconcerting when a black car that the film crew are following suddenly takes off like a rocket. 

Most impressive is Dave Potter as purported moon escapee David James, whose folksy demeanor is a stark contrast to the mindbending personal account he gives to Matt and Sonny. This includes his knowledge of an upcoming "paradox date"--December 21, 2012, unsurprisingly--upon which something referred to throughout the film as "The Event" will take place.  Once you get an idea of what this entails, the suspense begins to build with the impending revelation of what will happen on that date.

Like "Blair Witch", LUNOPOLIS is supposedly assembled from found footage taken by participants who have gone missing, which becomes more and more intriguing as their discoveries lead them deeper into some really juicy, dangerous, hardcore conspiracy stuff.  Halfway through the film comes the History Channel-type material, which, if you've gone along with it all up to that point, will continue to fascinate with its dizzying explorations of time travel, multiple dimension overlap, the Roswell incident, the secret origins of not only Lunopolis but Atlantis as well, and other scintillating ideas which not only sound as convincing as any of those shows you see on TV but also increase our unease about that impending paradox date. 

By the time we return to the camcorder footage and the story proper, Matt and Sonny are on the run from a host of scary people while becoming inextricably involved in the events they're investigating.  The pace never lets up until the exciting finale, which brings the story full circle with an event--"the" event, that is--bristling with surprises and startling revelations. 

The DVD from Walking Shadows and Virgil Films is in 16:9 widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 sound and both subtitles and closed captions.  Extras include a trailer and an entertaining commentary by Avant and associate producer Michael David Weis.

Even freakier in its own low-budget way than THE MATRIX but without the need for flashy SPFX, LUNOPOLIS is a greatest-hits package of conspiracy theory goodness that would have Fox Mulder thinking he'd died and gone to heaven.  According to the commentary, some people are coming out of screenings thinking they've just watched the real thing, and it's not hard to imagine why.  It's a science-fiction film that presents some truly mindboggling concepts in a realistic and believable way, and the result is so satisfying that you might want to believe, too.

CHUPACABRA TERRITORY -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/11/17

 

Ever since THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT came out in 1999, unofficial sequels, remakes, spin-offs, and carbon copies have popped up all over the place.  They all have one thing in common--the "found footage" gimmick, in which (a) some people foolishly go off into the woods for some reason while filming/videotaping themselves, (b) they disappear, and (c) their film/video footage is found, which contains evidence that they died in very scary and horrible ways.

The latest in this horror sub-genre, or at least the latest one I've seen, is CHUPACABRA TERRITORY (2016).  It's pretty similar to BLAIR WITCH in that a group of requisitely foolish young people head off into the wilderness in search of a scary folk legend (the chupacabra) without being anywhere near serious or prepared enough. In fact, these idiots are barely capable of camping out, much less encountering and dealing with a deadly crypto-creature while doing so.

As in BLAIR WITCH, the leader of the group is a female, Amber (Sarah Nicklin, NUN OF THAT, THE HAUNTING OF ALICE D), who fancies herself a cryptozoologist but is really just a silly flake.  She's accompanied by her equally flakey boyfriend Joe (Michael Reed, EXHUMED, NUN OF THAT), their skeptical friend Morgan who's along just to drink beer and scoff at their attempts (Alex Hyeck), and Dave, a nondescript character who's there mainly to capture the other three on his headband video camera (Bryant Jansen). 

Right away they know something's up when the usual road into the area is barricaded and a portly ranger orders them away while a mysterious biologist in a gas mask is in the background scouring the scene. 

They also encounter a gas pump jockey with wild stories and an actual dead deer that's been drained of blood and genitally mutilated.  Naturally, this just makes Amber and Joe act even more like giddy schoolkids on a field trip to a theme park.

What follows is the usual progression from party-fun-time mood to "wow, that was weird" to growing apprehension and evidence that something's really out there, and, finally, to a bloody, hopefully terrifying finale fraught with extreme fear and panic as our main characters find their search for the unknown to have been way more successful than they imagined.

With CHUPACABRA TERRITORY, unfortunately, the path to all that is fraught with long dull stretches in which not much of anything happens.  And when the action does start, much of it consists of POV shots of people running through the woods in the dark or other activity that's hard to make out. 

This kind of thing was pretty scary when we thought the Blair Witch was after us (for me anyway), but the chupacabra legend just doesn't seem to generate the same kind of spooky shivers. 

In order to make up for this, a supernatural element is added in which Amber seems to have a psychic connection with the monster and, in one scene, performs a witchy campfire ritual in which she ends up seemingly possessed.  There's also a weird chupacabra vomit or something that gets on people and causes them to either get horribly infected or start acting like automatons. 

None of which makes much sense, but it does help add to what's basically just a group of people trudging through the woods and intermittently getting real scared of various noises or movement out in the darkness. 

The cast do their best to keep the tension level up, with varying degrees of success at convincing us that they're real people in candid video footage instead of actors pretending to be.  This takes a whole different kind of acting that not all actors are adept at (Heather Donahue and company were great at it in BLAIR WITCH) but which is a crucial element for any found footage story.   

The Blu-ray from Maltauro Entertainment has an aspect ratio of 1920 x 1080 with stereo sound and English subtitles.  Extras consist of interviews with the cast, producer, and writer-director Matt McWilliams, a trailer, and a photo gallery. 

As these things go, CHUPACABRA TERRITORY is fairly entertaining if you keep your expectations low. It isn't the best post-BLAIR WITCH "found footage" movie I've seen, but it isn't the worst, either.

CAPTURE KILL RELEASE -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 2/26/17

 

Yikes!  And I thought HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER was disturbing...

Lots of movies document the dissolution of a relationship, but it's usually because of infidelity or fading romance or something.  In CAPTURE KILL RELEASE (2016), it's because one member of the couple is a budding homicidal psychopath, and the other one isn't quite ready to follow along merrily down the path to full-blown serial killerdom.

This is another "found footage" movie, but it works because the documentation of the act and everything before and after it is such a vital element of the ritual for Jenny (Jennifer Fraser), an otherwise normal-looking person who's giddy as a schoolgirl at the thought of the random murders she's so meticulously planning.

Her normal-looking husband, Farhang (Farhang Ghajar), is also caught up in the waves of excitement emanating from his wife, but only as long as it remains a sort of fantasy-pretend thing that isn't really going to happen.  It's even kind of a turn-on at first.  The poor guy just has no idea what he's in for.

Co-directors Nick McAnulty and Brian Allan Stewart achieve a remarkable sense of "Blair Witch"-style realism that makes everything we see all the more effective.  This is amplified immeasurably by some spot-on, heavily improvised performances, especially by Jennifer Fraser who's so good she's simply fascinating to watch. 

Fraser, in fact, is a major factor in the film's success thanks to her ability to convincingly portray the contrast between Jenny the bubbly, enthusiastic child-woman, and Jenny the stone-cold, bloodthirsty butcher who relishes each new atrocity like a gourmet of gore. (She reminds me of a cross between Sarah Silverman and Patrick Bateman.) 

As horrible as things get--and they do get horrible, take my word for it--her girlish sense of fun remains a chilling indication of just how far around the bend her mental state has really gone. 

 

Jenny doesn't even realize how aghast her own husband has become with their increasingly nightmarish situation, which she regards as a fun project meant to bring them together, until he finally lashes out in utter disgust.

Meanwhile, CAPTURE KILL RELEASE just keeps chugging along inexorably towards its inevitable outcome, leaving a trail of horror in its wake, while we watch in rapt suspense, or dread, or whatever this feeling is that I can't quite shake long after the fade-out. 

One thing's for sure--it goes where most other horror movies don't go, and shows what they don't show, so if you're squeamish, prepare to be squeamed. 

The bathtub sequence alone contains more concentrated gore than most viewers will see in their lifetimes, and it's all extremely realistic.  You sorta already have to be a gorehound, in fact, just to make it through some of this stuff without freaking out.

The film also has the aura of one of those true-crime books by authors like Ann Rule, the kind of dark, demented stuff that used to make me feel bad even as I found it perversely compelling to read.  Much of it, in fact, seems inspired by well-known accounts such as the "Barbie and Ken" killers and various "basement of horror" tales.

Needless to say, CAPTURE KILL RELEASE isn't recommended for everyone.  As (1) an exercise in graphic gore, and (2) a deeply disturbing exploration of gleeful, homicidal insanity, it's an unqualified success both on the visceral and artistic levels.  But I feel like I just went a few rounds with this movie and got gut-punched.


 
https://www.facebook.com/capturekillrelease/

PANDORUM -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 12/29/09

 

Imagine if ALIEN RESURRECTION had been really grim and scary instead of just a fun, pulpy, and ultimately silly sci-fi/action flick. Or if EVENT HORIZON had really kicked major ass instead of just coming frustratingly close. Or if Ridley Scott and James Cameron were Siamese twins. That's pretty much what you get with PANDORUM (2009), one of the most satisfying sci-fi thrillers I've seen in quite a while.

As the film opens, the immense space ark Elysium is carrying thousands of refugees from a dying Earth to another planet that can sustain human life. Crewmen Bower (Ben Foster) and Payton (Dennis Quaid) are awakened from hypersleep to discover that something has gone very wrong--during their abnormally long hibernation, a space sickness known as Pandorum has driven certain other crewmembers and passengers mad. Not only have the ship's systems been sabotaged, but a segment of the ship's population have mutated into terrifying flesh-eating creatures known as Hunters.

With Payton trying to gain access to the bridge, Bower sets off to find the ship's reactor in order to restore power and keep the ship from self-destructing. Along the way he meets warrior woman Nadia (Antje Traue) and Vietnamese badass Manh (Cung Le) who help him survive against wave after wave of attacks from the almost-invulnerable mutants. As time runs out and the symptoms of Pandorum begin to set in, Bower eventually discovers the shocking secret of how truly disastrous their situation is.


PANDORUM starts out with an intriguing mystery that's only gradually revealed as Bower's odyssey takes him further into the bowels of the cursed ship. The fact that he has partial amnesia due to his extended hypersleep means that he must discover each part of the puzzle along with us. We never know if he can trust Payton, who's starting to act a little funny, or if Bower himself may be suffering from delusions. The fellow crewmembers he meets along the way are equally in the dark, while the ones who have been out of hypersleep longer than Bower have become ruthless killers bent only on day-to-day survival.

As Bower, Ben Foster gives an intense performance that finally helps me forget him as Charlie Prince in 3:10 TO YUMA, with old pro Dennis Quaid ideal in the role of Payton. The rest of the cast is also very good, particularly Antje Traue as the lovely and dynamic Nadia. Not quite as lovely but just as effective are Cung Le as Manh and, in a smaller role, Eddie Rouse as a cunning survivor with a culinary interest in our heroes. Cam Gigandet (of the TWILIGHT saga) is suitably mysterious as crewmember Gallo, who may be behind the Pandorum-induced sabotage of the ship and its vital mission.

Director Christian Alvart has crafted a stylish, great-looking film with beautiful cinematography and stunning set design that is continuously impressive. Camerawork is fine and editing is sharp while only occasionally bordering on the hyperactive. Special effects, including an imaginative ship design that looks really cool in the fly-bys, are top-notch.


The late Stan Winston's creature shop supplies some very effective and convincing Hunter-monsters, which reminded me somewhat of the subterranean creatures in THE DESCENT but are even uglier and way more deadly. CGI is used with restraint and doesn't draw attention to itself, which is how CGI should always be used as far as I'm concerned.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Surround 5.1 and Spanish mono, with English and Spanish subtitles. Extras include a making-of featurette, flight team "training video", a short film that shows us the fate of Nadia's team, several deleted and alternate scenes, and a trailer. There's also a commentary by director Alvart and producer Jeremy Bolt which is loaded with behind-the-scenes info.

A scintillating space thriller that's both mindbending and action-packed, PANDORUM is a riveting experience that keeps the viewer in suspense until the twist ending. It's definitely up for a spot on my list of favorite sci-fi flicks.

WHAT'S EATING TODD? -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/18/16

 

Surely one of the oddest film genres ever is the "stalker vs. terrified teen campers" flick.  The basics are always the same, the only variable being what stalks and terrifies the teen campers.  How much or how little actual imagination goes into that aspect can make the difference between whether it's a worthwhile effort or just another negligible knock-off.

In the case of director Renata Green-Gaber's debut feature WHAT'S EATING TODD? (2016), the "what" in the title gives it that little extra bit of horror appeal that keeps the film from being the usual shaggy dog story littered with boring dead teens.  One thing's for sure--it ain't the same thing that was eating Gilbert Grape! 

After a promising opening in which a factory in the middle of the woods is attacked by what appears (in several effective shock-cuts) to be a horde of flesh-eating zombies, we jump ahead several years to join birthday boy Todd himself (Adam Michael Gold, THE Z) and his girlfriend Valerie (Madison Lawlor, CLOSE RANGE, RISE OF THE VALKYRIE) as they set off on a camping trip with their buddies Alex (Phil Biedron) and Duane (Scott Alin).

Here's the catch: the spot they choose as their campsite, for some damn reason, is none other than the abandoned, rusted-out factory where we just saw people being eaten alive by zombies.  (I guess if you're going to foreshadow there's no point in fooling around.)  So now, we need only watch our hapless teens have a camping-out fun montage (which, naturally, includes getting wasted) and wait for whatever horrible thing that's going to happen to them to happen. 

This time the group's too small to include all the usual stereotypes--none is particularly jock-ish, they're ALL pretty much weed-head goofballs, and since there's only one girl (who is neither slutty nor overly prudish) we don't have to wonder who the "final girl" is going to be.

The resident "dick", in fact, is Todd's Uncle Carl (Danny Rio), who drops them off at the site in his pickup and stays around just long enough to recount the scary "urban legend" about the old factory that makes everyone wet their panties before he drives away cackling.  He also points out the fact that they're in a "dead zone" which means (uh-oh) no cell phones!

Needless to say, they spend the afternoon having massive amounts of fun doing the camping out thing, which neither I nor any of my friends in high school ever thought would be even remotely fun to do so I guess we really missed out.  Anyway, once that's over and they've all gotten sufficiently stoned around the campfire, Todd wanders off to "commune with nature", so to speak, and is never seen again.

What follows is the standard procedure for movies like this, with the search for their friend leading to more attacks, the discovery of a mutilated corpse or two, lots of unbridled panic, ugly recriminations and tortured personal confessions, and of course the gradual one-by-one lessening of the immediate population. 

For the most part, the acting isn't quite stellar (especially when the need to express constant hysteria sets in) and the script tends to be short on logic and long on dumb dialogue.  But director Green-Gaber does a capable job and actually manages to keep the suspense level fairly high in the second half.

This is helped by the introduction of a new character, a gun-toting poacher (Carlos Antonio) with a car parked nearby, giving the surviving teens a possible means of escape as they're being stalked by the horrific flesh-munching boogeyman lurking around out in the dark.  Other good points include some nice gore makeups and an outstanding original score by Andy Georges.
 
WHAT'S EATING TODD? is not all that great, to be sure, but at least the filmmakers are trying and it's sort of fun in its own dumb way if you watch with lowered expectations.  I was ready to give it an overall negative review, and yet when it was over I actually heard myself saying, "Hmm...that was pretty good."  So I guess it was pretty good!

Tech Specs
Runtime: 89 minutes
Format: 1:85 Flat (35mm)
Sound: Dolby SR
Rating: R (equivalent)
Country: USA
Language: English
Genre: Thriller/Sci-Fi

www.Facebook.com/WhatsEatingTodd
http://www.indicanpictures.com/indicanpictures/whats-eating-todd/

"P" -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 10/17/09

 

 

A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, especially if the subject is witchcraft. In the Thai horror film "P" (2005), a backwoods village girl named Aaw is taught the ways of magic by her aging grandmother, but unfortunately for her, she pays more attention to the "do's" than she does to the "don'ts." And when she starts practicing magic on her own, those don'ts get her in a bloody heap o' trouble.

The naive, innocent Aaw is thrust into the sinful and decadent world of Bangkok go-go bars when she must earn money to pay for her ailing grandmother's medicine. The timid girl, renamed Dau by her new boss Mamasang, soon discovers that pole-dancing isn't her only occupation when a wealthy foreigner (director Spurrier) takes her to his hotel room and helps himself to her virginity. Dau's sympathetic roommate Pookie (Opal) shows her the ropes while diva-ish May (Narisara Sairatanee) and her snarky friends New and Mee develop an instant dislike for the country girl.

Growing jealous of May, Dau begins to use her magic to make herself more desirable. When May sabotages Dau's attempt to become a featured dancer, Dau casts a spell on her that has horrifying results. While continuing to use her powers unwisely, she also manages to inadvertently break the three cardinal rules of witchcraft, leaving her vulnerable to invasion by an evil spirit. When this occurs, Dau is transformed into a vile creature of unspeakable evil who prowls the night feasting on the flesh and blood of her victims. While New and Mee frantically seek the help of a boozed-up old witch doctor to protect them, Pookie tries to cure Dau of her affliction herself but may end up as her next meal instead.

A fascination with both Thai ghost legend and the Bangkok go-go bar scene prompted writer-director Paul Spurrier to become the first Westerner ever to direct a Thai film. Beautifully shot in Cinemascope, the lighting and cinematography are meticulous and Spurrier's direction is stylish but low-key. The story is deliberately-paced and only gradually works its way into real horror territory--without the supernatural elements, much of it would work simply as a borderline soft-porn portrait of a young girl's transformation from a timid waif into a calculating exhibitionist selling herself for money. (Sort of like an art house version of SHOWGIRLS or STRIPTEASE.) But this aspect of Dau's saga becomes the slow-burning fuse that will ignite a series of chilling supernatural setpieces.

By modern standards, the carnage is relatively restrained and much is suggested rather than explicitly shown. Spurrier isn't out to gut-punch us with gore but would rather give us an extreme case of the creeps, which he succeeds in doing pretty well. Although I've seen scarier Asian fright films that affected me a lot more deeply, the ghost-possessed Dau is a pretty memorable horror character. There are the usual jack-in-the-box jump scares, in addition to several spooky images such as the glowing-eyed Dau floating after a fleeing victim or lurking on a shadowy ceiling like a spider. Spurrier's original score adds to the effectiveness of these scenes.

First-time actress Suangporn Jaturaphut, who was only seventeen at the time, gives a solid performance as Dau and is convincing in each stage of the character. Opal is funny and endearing as the flighty go-go bar veteran Pookie, with whom we begin to sympathize more and more as she risks her own life to help Dau. Spurrier and his friend Dean Barrett, an unabashed fan of the Bangkok go-go bar scene in real life, ably portray a couple of typical rich, horny customers--the latter is featured in a grinning, hairy-shouldered closeup from the reclining Dau's POV that is one of the film's most unsettling images.

The DVD from Palisades Tartan Asia Extreme has an aspect ratio of 2.35:1 with Dolby Digital 5.1 and 2.0 stereo sound. Language is the original Thai with English subtitles. Director Spurrier offers an intimate and informative commentary track. There's a very brief "Behind the Scenes" clip, production photos, the theatrical trailer and teaser, and a featurette, "Soi Cowboy Go-Go Bars", in which host Dean Barrett gives us a tour of some of his favorite carnal nightspots. A music video for Underground's awesome end credits song "Rawang" features a slow, sensuous dance by Suangporn Jaturaphut as "Dau", interspersed with scenes from the movie. I prefer the actual end credits version in which the hypnotically gorgeous dance sequence plays uninterrupted.

With its story of a young witch coming to the big city to ply a new trade while learning to develop her supernatural powers (only to find them going distressingly awry), "P" is almost like a shadowy flipside to KIKI'S DELIVERY SERVICE. But more than that, it's also a deliciously dark and erotic visual confection that should have your blood running hot and cold at the same time.

Official site

A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO SNUFF -- Movie Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 6/26/17

 

A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO SNUFF (2016) is like comedy-revenge porn for all the poor, hapless victims--especially the pretty girls--who were snuffed in torture porn flicks over the years.  The catch: the killers are just pretending this time, but the victim doesn't know that.  And when she gets away...

The pretend-killers are aspiring (and perspiring) actors Dresden and Dominic, brothers from the sticks who just can't catch a break in Hollywood.  In desperation, the less stable one, Dresden (Joey Kern, SUPER TROOPERS, ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE UNDEAD), hatches a plan in which they hold a fake casting call, kidnap the most promising actress in the bunch, and film a fake snuff film that will (in Dresden's clouded mind) win first prize in a film contest and make them famous.

All they have to do, he figures, is to take it to the brink and then reveal that it's all fake to the actress, who will then thank them for the opportunity for fame.  Weak-willed brother Dominic (Luke Edwards, MOTHER'S BOYS, AMERICAN PIE 2) protests at first but eventually agrees, and all goes according to plan...until Dresden starts to take it all a little too seriously, and before Dominic knows it, he--and their unwilling actress--are caught up in an honest-to-goodness real snuff film.

 

Naturally, this would be horrible if we took it seriously for a second, but it's practically a live-action cartoon, so that's not really a problem.  (Not at first, anyway.)  There are some very amusing setpieces such as the actress audition montage ("Could you do that again, only this time do it as though you were a good actress?")

Naturally, the last one is THE one, and is she ever--Jennifer (Bree Williamson, "One Life to Live", "General Hospital") is the perfect gorgeous, self-confident, outgoing babe to help elevate these guys' piece-of-crap film project into something at least marginally watchable.  BEGINNER'S GUIDE itself isn't a laugh riot, but it doesn't really try to be. It's just a consistently smart and amusing spoof that's sharply-done and fun to watch.

But that's the first half.  The thing is, once they actually kidnap Jennifer and their whole plan is put into motion, things start to get real.  Maybe even too real to be funny, depending on your tolerance level.

 

It's hard to maintain a premise like this as a funny ha-ha joke when we're seeing a couple of psychotic-acting guys (and let's face it, Dresden really is a psycho, while Dominic's insipid acquiescence to him is bad enough in itself) and a terrified girl whom we've learned to like. 

And yet, as the film gets more violent, I begin to realize that director Mitchell Altieri is messing with me and my expectations big-time.  Is it a harmless gore-movie spoof?  Is it a funny (but in a really sick way) torture porn flick?  Does it really even know what it is?  My final answer: all of the above.

After the initial "Dresden goes too far" sequence, the movie doesn't really lighten up again until Jennifer gets away (I'm only revealing what the trailer already shows, so no spoiler here) and turns the tables on her captors in a big, bloody way.  Which, by this time, is uncomfortable in a traditional torture-porn kind of way but with an off-kilter premise that keeps twisting one way and then the other.

 

Technically, it's a mix of conventional photography and "found footage" style which works pretty well most of the time.  Performances are outstanding, totally manic and intense, with Bree Williamson a very dynamic Jennifer and Joey Kern giving us a Dresden who grows more despicably unhinged and narcissistic by the minute. 

A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO SNUFF wants to keep us off-balance, uncomfortable, and wondering what the hell we're watching, and in that respect, it succeeds.  I think gorehounds and torture porn aficionados will especially enjoy it, as well as those who prefer their humor dark and demented.  I had mixed feelings at the end, but was glad I watched it because it's definitely a trip. 


Tech Specs
Runtime: 87mins
Format: 1:78 HD
Sound: Dolby SR
Country: USA
Language: English
Website: www.IndicanPictures.com
Genre: Horror


Release Date: June 23, 2017 (Theatrical, Los Angeles) & July 11th, 2017 (VOD, DVD)

The film’s official trailer

More details on the film are available at Indican Pictures:

Read our original coverage

SKIN IN THE FIFTIES -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 4/17/11

 

Secret Key Motion Pictures brings us another nostalgic festival of 50s smut-filled sexploitation with their 2-disc set, SKIN IN THE FIFTIES.  Loaded with old 8mm nudie loops along with the 1956 roadhouse feature THE FLESH MERCHANT, this titillating time-capsule is more fun than you can shake a stick at.  Or whatever you happen to be holding at the moment.

THE FLESH MERCHANT begins as Paula Sheridan (Lisa Rack) gets a surprise visit from her kid sister, Nancy (the perky, voluptuous Joy Reynolds).  Eager to escape her small-town existence and jealous of her big sister's success as a Hollywood "model", Nancy has come to the big city to get in on the action herself.  Despite Paula's insistence that she turn around and go back home, the naive Nancy applies for a modeling job and quickly ends up as a prostitute servicing rich clientele at a swank hideaway called "The Colony."  This joint is run by a violent scumbag named Vito Perini (Marko Perri) who slaps his employees around whenever they don't "cooperate"--which proves a painful lesson for Nancy after she initially rejects a wealthy customer's amourous advances. 

Nancy's roommate is an over-the-hill veteran named Easy (Geri Moffatt) who is getting fed up with her life of sexual servitude.  After blowing up at a customer one night, she's dealt with by a vicious Perini, who savagely beats her up and banishes the aging party girl to a cheap brothel on skid row.  With Easy gone, Nancy gets a surprising new roommate--her sister, Paula.  When Paula sees the sorry state her kid sister has ended up in, she rebels against Perini and the rest of the flesh merchants at the risk of her own life.



THE FLESH MERCHANT is an hour-long parade of softcore 50s-style titillation that's surprisingly entertaining.  The story zips along briskly, rarely slowing down even when clips from various nudie loops are spliced in here and there to naked things up a bit.  In fact, about halfway through this story I realized I was really getting into it. 

This is especially true during the scene where Easy is called into Perini's office--as she desperately begs the heartless creep not to kick her down the ladder to skid row, only to be beaten within an inch of her life, the movie has suddenly become surprisingly effective.  And when Paula lashes out at her bosses and the clients themselves for being a bunch of sick perverts, Lisa Rack's intensely dramatic performance during this well-written scene is riveting.  This may be the first time I've sat down to laugh my way through a cheap, campy old sex flick and watched it morph into a relatively good movie before my eyes. 

Technically, it's just below the level of a really low-budget 50s TV episode, with performances that range from adequate to fine.  The nudie-loop inserts (the full versions of which are available as disc-one bonus features) are pretty well incorporated into the movie proper, though their film quality is markedly inferior.  The print used for this DVD isn't in the best shape, but to me that adds to its grindhouse appeal.  Unfortunately the original opening and closing titles appear to have been lost.
 
 

Moving on to disc two, we get a selection of nineteen short nudie films from the era.  These bring back old memories of my younger days when I ordered some of these things from the back of adult magazines before home video made 8mm obsolete.  Even the discs in this set are made to resemble 8mm movie reels, and a booklet insert, which includes a history of 50s sexploitation films along with a vintage Joy Reynolds pictorial, has the look of an old nudie digest.  

Most of these loops look pretty ancient, some seemingly pre-dating the '50s a bit.  There's full nudity, except for the "forbidden zone", of course.  Some of the girls are pretty cute, while others are, well, frightening.  Several shorts have rudimentary storylines, which tend to be downright nutty--in fact, "African Frenzy" is one of the most accidentally avant-garde films I've ever seen, and "Cocktails and Cuties" is so wacky it's hard to believe real people actually made it. 

One nice-looking brunette does something called the "Danse de L'Ebandan" in which she slinks into a seedy bar and proceeds to freak out for three-and-a-half minutes as her clothes fall off.  The rest of the performers seem to be second-rate burlesque dancers, some resembling a few of my grade school teachers.  One pleasant surprise, however, was the appearance of an adorable young Jennie Lee in "Diamond Lil."  Her segment is about as captivatingly sexy as one of these 50s loops can get, ending with Jenny performing her famous "tassle trick."  At that moment, I was officially enjoying myself.  And when another statuesque beauty resembling Blaze Starr showed up to do her routine to the sultry strains of "Harlem Nocturne", I think my TV started to smoke.  Or maybe that was just me.

I didn't live during the heyday of these films, but mail-order warehouses everywhere were still clearing out their stock of this stuff well into the 80s.  And now that it's on DVD, I don't have to crank up my old projector to see it.  If you're still nostalgic for those times, or you just want to check out what they were all about, SKIN IN THE FIFTIES should be a welcome addition to your collection.

ONE MORE SHOT -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 6/12/19

 

It's hard to explain why I look forward to these Retro Afrika DVD restorations from Indiepix so much.  They're no-budget, totally amateurish productions that imitate Hollywood films on a home movie level, and are often hilariously bad.

But they're often so bad they're good, which is why movies such as ONE MORE SHOT (1984) are so perversely entertaining to me. Granted, those who demand that their viewing material actually be "good" or at least "competent" might well be expected to run the other way as fast as they can. But they'd be missing out on the fun.

Made specifically for black South African audiences who were denied entrance to mainstream theaters during Apartheid, these films are simple, earnest efforts to entertain using practically non-existent resources.

Just seeing how the filmmakers and their players struggle to overcome such drawbacks to produce something worth running through a projector for paying audiences is interesting in itself. And I find it fascinating to see what they were able to come up with.

This time, burly bad guy Tap Tap gets out of prison with one desire: to get revenge on famed kickboxer Johnny Tough, whose testimony sent him up the river. Tap Tap goes to sinister (but in an amusing way) nightclub owner and human trafficker Fly for help, so Fly has the daughter of Johnny's lawyer kidnapped to force him to divulge the location of Johnny's secluded ranch where he trains with his Asian martial arts buddy Chan.

Fly sends three strongmen out to Johnny's ranch, setting up the first in a series of action scenes that have to be seen to be disbelieved.  This is the kind of stuff that kids do in the front yard after watching a kung-fu movie, consisting of a lot flailing hands and feet punctuated by loud "thwack!" sound effects.  Johnny's biggest talent is doing backflips, which don't really help in a fight but look pretty good in slow-motion.

The big finale takes place at Fly's country estate where he's conducting a transaction with a visiting shiek who's in the market to purchase several young kidnapped women.  Johnny and Chan take on all the guards in various slap-fight vignettes, showcasing some of the worst fight choreography ever, until finally it's just between them and the main bad guys.

Technically, ONE MORE SHOT is a mess, even more so than the previous Retro Afrika films I've seen, with more meandering sequences to pad the 59-minute running time such as an opening duo doing incredibly limp breakdancing in Fly's club for eight minutes before the plot even starts. 

Johnny and Chan's training sequence offers another musical montage, as does a long helicopter ride with Fly and the Arab shiek out to the country estate, all accompanied by bad 80s-era techno (including a title song).

As usual, all of this ineptitude is both endearing and strangely compelling as all involved work to put a watchable movie together. When the plot finally gets a head of steam going, the fight scenes (interspersed with shots of Fly displaying his female wares to the shiek) come one right after another.

The cast do their best and are fun to watch. They're much more racially mixed this time--most films in the series have almost all-black casts with the occasional white actor, but this time it's a pretty even mix. 

The clumsy dialogue is all in English this time, another rarity, but with subtitles to help us with the heavy accents.  Two talented Retro Afrika faves, leading man Innocent "Popo" Gamede and comedy star Hector Methanda (ISIBOSHWA, UMBANGO, RICH GIRL) are sorely missed. 

As I've often emphasized, films such as ONE MORE SHOT can be a real hoot, but only if you're inclined to appreciate them for what they are--simple, charmingly amateurish attempts to create entertainment practically out of thin air.  If you're open to that, then this should be yet another chance to have some really offbeat film-watching fun.



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Format: NTSC
Language: English (with subtitles)
Region: All Regions
Number of discs: 1
Studio: Indiepix Films
DVD Release Date: June 11, 2019
Run Time: 59 minutes
Bonus: Trailer

THE REEF -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/9/11

 

Since I still haven't seen OPEN WATER--the film that this type of "predicament" movie is most logically compared to--I was going to liken THE REEF (2010) to another white-knuckle cinematic ordeal of a few years back called BLACK WATER.  Then I found out that THE REEF and BLACK WATER were directed by the same person, Andrew Traucki, which pretty much makes sense, I guess.

Since this type of movie puts innocent people into some kind of survival situation from which the only escape is either death or suffering through a terrible ordeal, it's meant more to be endured than enjoyed.  If done right, the result is prolonged, almost unbearable suspense that makes you sick to your stomach.  With BLACK WATER, Traucki proved himself quite adept at this sort of film, and THE REEF is another successful installment in his quest to make us all feel bad.

As usual, the main characters are a bunch of fairly nice people that we don't really want anything bad to happen to.  Damian Walshe-Howling plays Luke, an amiable young seafarer hired to deliver a yacht.  Turning the job into a pleasure cruise, he invites his old friend Matt (Gyton Grantley) and Matt's girlfriend Suzie (Adrienne Pickering) along for the ride, in addition to Matt's sister Kate (Zoe Naylor).  Kate happens to be Luke's old girlfriend so there's some unfinished romantic business between the two.  Rounding out the group is Luke's deck hand Warren (Kieran Darcy-Smith).
 


The first third or so of the film consists of them having a wonderful time sailing and romping around on a secluded island while we get to know them and wait for their false sense of security to be shattered.  This happens several miles out to sea when the yacht suddenly bashes into a reef and capsizes, leaving them stranded.  They now have two choices--wait on top of the overturned boat, which is slowly sinking, or try to swim back to the island.  Warren knows what's out there and refuses to budge.  The rest inch nervously into the water and paddle away, keeping their eyes peeled for things like, you know, sharks and stuff.

We don't even see one until the movie's almost half over, yet the suspense generated by this simple premise is almost paralyzing at times.  As I said about BLACK WATER, this is one of those movies where you (a) don't want anything to happen, and (b) don't want to start liking the characters because you know some of them are about to die horribly.  Of course, I did start liking the characters, and things did start to happen, mostly involving lots of blood and screaming.  Traucki is positively sadistic in the way he draws out the suspense as Luke and the gang catch fleeting glimpses of moving shapes (such as shark fins) and helplessly await the arrival of those gnashing jaws from below. 

The first attack relieves all that pent-up tension that's been building since the movie began, but it doesn't take long for us to start biting our nails again.  (I actually did catch myself literally biting my nails once or twice.)  Actual footage of a big-ass shark filmed off the Australian coast is well integrated and even the occasional SPFX shots are pretty good, while the actors do a fine job of reacting to it all exactly the way I would--with gibbering, bug-eyed terror.



The final segment of the film really stretches our nerves back and forth like a rubber band as the survivors spot what may be their salvation in the distance, only to find it frustratingly out of reach as the shark renews its attack.  And yes, the characters have been developed just enough to make us care about them, damn it, so in addition to stomach-souring suspense there's also the sadness that goes along with seeing some nice people turned into shark crunchies.  This continues right up until the last possible moment, leaving me nauseated and bummed out at the fadeout.  Since that's exactly what this movie sets out to do, then mission accomplished.

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 2.35:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras consist of a trailer and a making-of featurette, "Shooting with Sharks." 

Though the tagline "Who will survive--and what will be left of them?" is already taken, it would've been just right for THE REEF.  (And much better than the real one, "Pray that you drown first.")  While this low-budget production is technically well done, there's really not much more to it after the yacht wreck than four people paddling around out in the water amidst some shark footage and a few SPFX.  But what Andrew Traucki does with these simple ingredients adds up to an exhausting experience that's almost as much of an ordeal for the viewer as it is for the characters.  If that's your idea of fun, then dive right in.

CONFUCIUS -- DVD Review by Porfle

If, like me, your only knowledge of Confucius is when people say "Confucius say..." and then reel off some pithy remark, director Mei Hu's CONFUCIUS (2010) will help to enlighten you about what made the guy so quotable in the first place. 

Former John Woo action star Chow Yun Fat (THE KILLER, HARD-BOILED) gives a measured, meticulously controlled performance that displays his continuing maturation as an actor.  His Kong Qiu--as Confucius was more commonly known circa 500 B.C.--is a family man in his early fifties whose quiet wisdom and belief in government based on ethics and civility earn him a position that puts him right in the middle of clashes between rival provinces and "noble" families in ancient China. 

The film begins with his successful fight to end the practice of burying slaves alive with deceased noblemen and his peaceful resolution of a potentially volatile dispute with a neighboring dukedom.  Further attempts to reduce the growing power of the three main families in the Kingdom of Lu make him a target of their conspiratorial schemes, until even his main allies in government turn against him.  Accompanied by his fervent followers, the exiled Kong Qiu wanders the land from state to state as the country goes to hell around him, until in desperation the leaders of an embattled Kingdom of Lu seek his council once again. 

The story's pretty simple if you can make your way through all the needless exposition and rapid-fire introduction of so many characters you'd need a photographic memory to keep track of them all.  The dry, stately narrative is at its best when we see Kong Qiu countering the chest beating of his power-hungry political rivals with reason and compassion, or figuring out logical solutions to problems that seem destined to be resolved on the battlefield. 

He doesn't manage to peacefully defuse all of these situations, thank goodness, which means we get two or three large-scale battle sequences to liven things up here and there.  They're impressively rendered with a combination of full-sized sets and deft digital trickery--in one sequence, a tidal wave of molten metal blazes down a stone incline into a horde of attackers as the sky is filled with flaming arrows. 

Even so, these battle scenes are brief, perfunctory stepping stones in the narrative, with little emotional impact.  The film itself never really tries to be an epic even when all the elements of one are right there on the screen.  Rather, it's the story of a humble man living in epic times--although, for the most part, we learn more about Kong Qiu as a font of wisdom and an inspiration to others than as a man.  Even the scenes in which he interacts lovingly with his family are mere snapshots.  It's left up to Chow Yun Fat to supply most of his character's depth of feeling with that expressive face of his.

CONFUCIUS is at its best when Kong Qiu meets Nanzi (Xun Zhou), the beautiful consort to a neighboring king and the true power behind his throne.  He's awed by her royal radiance and beauty as she basks in his mental and emotional depth--at first, each tries to bow lower than the other in deference.  Taking advantage of this rare opportunity for a woman of the time to commune with such a sage, Nanzi seduces Kong Qiu with a spiritual and intellectual flirtatiousness which the actors portray almost as a delicate, exquisite kind of dance.

The Blu-Ray/DVD combo from Funimation is in 16:9 widescreen with Mandarin and English 5.1 Dolby sound.  Subtitles are in English.  Extras consist of several "making-of" featurettes (approx. 7 minutes each) and a trailer.

CONFUCIUS is a film in which the potentially sweeping visual splendor is held firmly in check by a sometimes bloodless story, and the plot resolutions are more intellectually stimulating than emotionally stirring.  It is, in fact, an outstanding accomplishment which deserves to be seen, yet--after a promising start--I found the scenes which I most wanted to be moved by to be oddly unmemorable.

WARGAMES: THE DEAD CODE -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/22/08

 

"Would you like to play a game?"

If this quote brings back pleasant memories of smarty-pants computer whiz Matthew Broderick making that big vein in Dabney Coleman's forehead throb back in 1983's WARGAMES, then chances are you'll find something to enjoy in MGM's direct-to-DVD sequel, WARGAMES: THE DEAD CODE (2008).

In this belated follow-up, another teenage computer geek named Will Farmer (Matt Lanter) crosses paths online with a secret government super-computer named R.I.P.L.E.Y. which is programmed to seek out and destroy terrorists by luring them into playing online videogames for money. Marked as a terrorist himself, Will becomes a fugitive trying to stay one step ahead of the feds while the increasingly ruthless R.I.P.L.E.Y. uses all the resources of modern technology to track down and terminate him.

As you might guess, R.I.P.L.E.Y. has been designed with just a little too much autonomy, which comes back to bite her creators in the ass when things get out of hand and entire cities begin to be viewed as targets. This time Colm Feore (STORM OF THE CENTURY, PEARL HARBOR) plays the guy with the throbbing forehead, while Chuck Shamata and Maxim Roy are a couple of project members who see the danger coming and try to shut the computer down before it can retaliate. There are definite shades of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY here when their characters discuss the matter in private while the crafty computer takes a tip from "H.A.L." and reads their lips.

Matt Lanter is bland but adequate when he isn't required to emote. As Annie, the girl who gets drawn into the situation and finds herself on the run with Will, Amanda Walsh is cutely appealing. Nicolas Wright is alternately funny and irritating as Will's slacker friend Dennis, whose character disappears from the film just as he's getting kind of interesting. And in case you're wondering if there's any direct connection between this story and the original, two characters from the 1983 film show up along the way. One is played by a different actor, Gary Reineke, who does okay although the original actor is sorely missed in the role. The other is--well, I won't reveal it, but I found his appearance to be a pleasant surprise.

I know roughly as much about "techmology" as Ali G. so I can't tell you how much of this is plausible or not, but it's presented in such a way that I pretty much bought most of it. Lanter's character isn't tied down to a home PC the way Broderick was back in '83, so he can run around evading government agents while still staying hooked into the system via his laptop and cell phone. On the other hand, R.I.P.L.E.Y. now has more up-to-date means of tracking him with public surveillance cameras, satellites, and scary military hardware at her disposal, which gives some scenes a nice sense of paranoia. The visual effects are generally well done, especially an exciting sequence in a subway tunnel and some explosive incidents involving a remote-controlled Predator aircraft equipped with missiles and other nasty stuff. (The bird's-eye-view bomb drop from PEARL HARBOR is duplicated early on.)

Director Stuart Gillard keeps the annoying visual indulgences to a minimum and moves things along rather briskly except for a few slow spots. As in the first film, the climax involves a battle of wits between man and machine inside the computer control center, with the lives of millions depending on our teen hero's madd puter skilz. It doesn't match the suspense of the original film and sometimes I was a little lost as to exactly what was going on, but the tension level is pretty well maintained.

The DVD is two-sided, giving us a choice between full screen (for all you diehard full-screen fans out there) and 1.85:1 widescreen. A commentary track features Gillard and Lanter chatting goodnaturedly about the film when they aren't caught up watching it and forget to talk. There's also a fourteen-minute "making of" featurette, a photo gallery, and trailers for THE ONION MOVIE, which looks pretty funny, and Uwe Boll's IN THE NAME OF THE KING.

The idea that R.I.P.L.E.Y. finds terrorists by luring them into a terror-themed online computer game (which appears to be on about the same difficulty level as Frogger) and then identifying them by their advanced terrorist game-playing skills doesn't make much sense, but then neither does a lot of what goes on in this movie. However, if you don't get too hung up on little things like logic, WARGAMES: THE DEAD CODE can be pretty fun to watch.

 

THE PRIDE AND THE PASSION -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/15/16

 

While not quite the epic you might expect from the title, THE PRIDE AND THE PASSION (1957) is a good example of how a great director's lesser efforts (in this case, Stanley Kramer) can still make for a fun and rewarding watch. 

Here, in fact, the unintentional hokiness in this C.S. Forester adaptation by husband and wife team Edna and Edward Anhalt (PANIC IN THE STREETS) and performances by some miscast yet likable stars make the film way more watchable than it would've been without it. 

The mercifully simple story is a 19th-century military yarn about a huge cannon that's pushed over a cliff by retreating Spanish soldiers to keep it out of the hands of a conquering Napoleon.  The English army sends naval captain Cary Grant (TO CATCH A THIEF) to recover it with the help of the Spanish, but local rebel leader Frank Sinatra (as "Miguel") insists that Cary first help them transport the great cannon to the walled city of Avila and retake it from the French.



Lugging that big heavy cannon across the Spanish terrain with the French army searching all over for their ragtag group is no easy task, and the journey gives Cary and Frank plenty of time to clash, not only over their own vast differences (Cary's a proper, by-the-book officer while Frank's peasant rebel is brash, cocky, and headstrong) but also over Sophia Loren as an improbably sexy country babe whose impetuous beauty gives the men even more reason to compete.

Most of the action and suspense in the film's first half involve their efforts to raise the cannon out of the deep gorge in which it was pushed, hiding it from passing French troops (who somehow miss the deep grooves that the cannon's wheels must be carving into the landscape), crossing rivers and blowing up bridges, and engaging the enemy in combat while trying to rouse the local Spaniards to their aid. 

In addition to this are the usual romantic complications that follow when Sophia starts to fall for the irresistible Cary while agonizing over her loyalty for long-time beau Frank, with whom she's lived for many years.  (In one touching scene, cobbler Frank makes her a pair of shoes, compounding her emotional dilemma.)



Meanwhile, Theodore Bikel (who would later play the doggedly pursuing sheriff in Kramer's THE DEFIANT ONES) is the French general overseeing the occupation of Avila and hanging ten of its citizens per day to punish the errant rebels.  Also getting relatively juicy parts as French officers are familiar character actors Jay Novello and Philip Van Zandt, who previously popped up in such things as Three Stooges comedies and Universal monster movies. 

As you might expect, Cary and Frank eventually form a grudging respect for each other that transcends their differences, although none of these are entirely resolved when the final siege on the city of Avila begins.  It's like THE ALAMO in reverse, with a ragtag group of citizen soldiers taking on a superior military force in a seemingly hopeless battle, but on different sides of the wall this time.

It's at this point that THE PRIDE AND THE PASSION's ambitions come closest to fruition, with a cast of thousands taking part in a furious, explosive battle that's highlighted by an impressive full-scale mockup of the city's immense wall.  For the patient viewer the sequence serves as a reward for enduring all the film's slower and more melodramatic passages.

Cary Grant, of course, is as effortlessly appealing as ever, while the stunning Sophia Loren's impetuous beauty seems somewhat out of place--although welcome just the same--on the Spanish plains. 

Hardest to swallow, though, is "Ol' Blue Eyes" as a brown-eyed Spanish peasant whose inner Nathan Detroit seems ready to burst out at any moment.  Frank filled in for Marlon Brando in the role (I can't see him as "Miguel" either, but who knows?) and came to dislike Spain so much that he left location filming early, making it necessary to shoot some scenes on very obvious studio sets.  His lack of enthusiasm for the project is all too obvious.

The DVD from Olive Films is in 1.78:1 widescreen with 2.0 Dolby sound and English subtitles.  No extras.

For director Stanley Kramer, the film is, as stated before, a lesser yet worthwhile effort.  Even his epic comedy IT'S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD WORLD has more sweep, and his serious message films such as THE DEFIANT ONES and JUDGEMENT AT NUREMBERG are deeper, more convincing human dramas.  But for all its faults, I found THE PRIDE AND THE PASSION an absorbing, appealing, and just plain entertaining volley that doesn't quite hit the target. 

Facebook: www.facebook.com/OliveFilms
Twitter: @OliveFilms

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"TOMBSTONE" (1993): Rain Blooper

Wyatt Earp (Kurt Russell) hears the shot when his brother Morgan (Bill Paxton) is gunned down. 

After Morgan's dramatic death scene, Wyatt wanders out into the raging thunderstorm.

But while it's pouring down cats and dogs on Wyatt...it's dry as a bone right down the street!

 

I neither own nor claim any rights to this material. Just having a little fun with it. Thanks for watching!

Watch a Fake Bullet Bounce Off the Creature's Butt in "Revenge of the Creature" (1955)

IF IT'S TUESDAY, THIS MUST BE BELGIUM -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/17/16

 

Expecting a raucous comedy romp, I found IF IT'S TUESDAY, THIS MUST BE BELGIUM (1969) disappointing at first.  Gradually, though, I began to realize that I was watching something considerably less scatterbrained and more quietly clever in small ways than I'd thought, and that the movie regarded its screwball characters with a disarming fondness.

This isn't quite evident at first, however, when our American tour group arrives in jolly old England (the first in a whirlwind tour of nine countries in 18 days) and the movie tries too hard to mirror the hip, happening vibe of the era in its rather clueless way.  Thus, we get a lot of that freaky strobe-like editing that was in vogue at the time and are even treated to flashes of scribbled onscreen text containing "hip" one-liners in a "Laugh-In" vein.

Here, things resemble a less magical version of the Beatles' MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR only with more old fogeys wandering around complaining about everything.  It isn't until we get to know these people that their grumblings begin to be endearing, and even then much of the bad dubbing seems designed to take the bite out of their witty asides. 

Still, the movie gets better and better as we settle into its rather sedate pace and warm up to the characters.  And with a cast like this it isn't hard--this is one of the most amazing groups of character actors, stars doing cameos, and familiar faces in general that you could hope to see all in one place. 

First of all, nobody does world-weary grumbling better than guys like Norman Fell and Murray Hamilton, with the wonderful Reva Rose and Peggy Cass as their long-suffering wives.  One nice running gag involves Norman and Reva getting separated early on and his vain attempts to track down the Japanese tour group she's accidentally become a member of.  Hamilton has a nice vignette in which he tries to order some custom shoes in Venice from a cobbler played by famed director Vittorio De Sica. 

Also aboard the cross-continental tour bus are the likes of Michael Constantine (he's revisiting the places where he had the most fun in life--during WWII), Marty Ingles as a schlub who thinks he can score with European women, Mildred Natwick, a young Sandy Baron ("Seinfeld"), Pamela Britton, and Aubrey Morris ("Mr. Deltoid" of A CLOCKWORK ORANGE) as Harry Dix, a kleptomaniac determined to take half of Europe home in his luggage. (Be sure to watch the film to the very end, where he adds the final gag.)

One of the film's most charming features is the gradually-building romance between bachelor tour guide Charlie (a dashing Ian McShane in his way younger days) and Sam (Suzanne Pleshette), a single woman unsure of whether she's ready for marriage to her fiancé George.  Pleshette is at her peak of sophisticated loveliness here and is a joy to watch as she serves as catnip to notorious skirt-chaser Charlie.

Sam and Charlie's uneasy relationship is handled in a surprisingly adult manner and is actually interesting--in fact, it was during their first really good dialogue scene together that I realized I was starting to enjoy this movie as more than a lightweight comedy.  A morning-after love scene in their hotel room after a night of passion even resembles something out of a "foreign film."

Some of the other celebrity faces to spot along the way include John Cassavetes, Ben Gazzara, Joan Collins (stunning in one brief shot of her walking down the street in a miniskirt), Senta Berger, Virna Lisi, Anita Ekberg, Elsa Martinelli, Luke Halpin ("Flipper"), folk singer Donovan Leitch, and "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." star Robert Vaughn as an Italian photographer. 

Shot entirely on location, the film is directed by Mel Stuart of WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY fame and written by David Shaw (A FOREIGN AFFAIR).

The DVD from Olive Films is in 1.85:1 widescreen and mono sound. Subtitles are in English.  A trailer is the sole extra.

After the usual "ugly American" gags have run their course, the old fogeys of IF IT'S TUESDAY, THIS MUST BE BELGIUM actually start being endearing.  (A big breakthrough is during a dinner scene when Murray decides that squid isn't so bad.) We've come to know them sufficiently that broad comedy strokes are unnecessary and simple character humor is enough to add a warm, satisfying glow to the proceedings.