SAMURAI PRINCESS -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/l1/10

 

One of those low-low-budget flicks that substitutes outrageousness for fancy production values, Japan's SAMURAI PRINCESS (2009) is a goodnaturedly over-the-top wallow in deadpan absurdity, comic book heroics, and gore, gore, gore. Did I mention gore? There's a lot of that, too.

In a dystopian future where sword-wielding outlaws roam the forests along with kill-crazy cyborgs known as Mechas, eleven innocent young girls are fallen upon (literally) and killed by a gang of bad guys. Lucky for them a mad scientist named Kyoraku (Asuka Kataoka), who loves to make Mechas with the help of his two giggling female assistants, is in a creative mood. Using different parts from each girl, he creates Gedohime, the vengeful Samurai Princess (Aino Kishi), into whom is instilled the souls of all eleven girls by a white-haired nun praying to an obliging Buddha. In doing so, the nun fears that she has transformed the souls in "heretic devils."

Gedohime goes on a bloody rampage against Mechas and outlaws, including a couple of gleefully homicidal robotic punk lovers named Shachi and Kocho who love to kill people and make grotesque works of art out of their victims' body parts. Meanwhile, she's being tracked by Mecha hunter Mikaduki (Mao Shiina) and her spoiled rich friend Mangetsu (Miki Hirase), who goes along just for fun. Gedohime is joined by guitar-slinging former Mecha hunter Gekko (Dai Mizuno), now being hunted himself for having a mechanical hand.


Looking like the low-budget affair that it is, SAMURAI PRINCESS is directed by Kengo Kaji in a sloppy, freewheeling style and never takes itself seriously even when it's pretending to. The fights are fast and fun, with quick cuts and jerky camerawork substituting for actual skill in most cases, and you never know what sort of super power--flaming rocket feet, chainsaw arms, even breast grenades--that these wacky Mechas are going to come up with next.

The gore is like an all-you-can-eat buffet in a cheap diner--not all that fancy but there's plenty of it. With their razor-sharp swords, Gedohime and the bad Mechas chop up foes into their component parts like Ginsu chefs, leaving heaping piles of body parts along with the occasional gruesome artwork. Sometimes you can see the seams on a plastic foot or whatever, but this is a minor quibble. One thing's for sure--this movie's got a lot of guts.


Occasionally an effect will look pretty cool, as when Shachi knocks a guy's entire skeleton out through his back, or Gedohime splits a fleeing bandit's head with her breast grenades, or Kocho inserts her scissor foot into a guy's mouth and slices his face in half, all with the obligatory geysers of blood. (When Gedohime pulls a guy's brain out of his skull in order to "question it directly", the effect looks fake but it doesn't matter because it's so funny.) And speaking of blood, each victim seems to contain several gallons of it, which continues to gush like a burst water pipe long after they're dead.

The special-effects crew save their best for last, however, when Gedohime takes on a hulking, rubbery monstrosity that's composed of male and female bodies fused together. Mortally wounded, she calls upon the spirits of the eleven girls to turn her into a multiple-sword-swinging shiva and the battle is on. Too bad the entire movie isn't this exciting, as there are the occasional draggy parts, but here the comedic touches help maintain our interest. There's also some softcore sex to beef up the film's exploitation value, as Gedohime imagines herself and Gekko having soft-focus sex in their original human bodies.


The DVD from Well Go USA, Inc. is in 16:9 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 stereo, Japanese or English dubbed soundtrack, and English subtitles. Extras include a trailer, photo gallery, and "making of" featurette.

I doubt if this film will have anyone making room for it on their ten-best or even hundred-best lists anytime soon. But if anyone happens to concoct a list entitled "Ten Most Dumb-Fun Low-Budget Japanese Samurai-Chick Gore Flicks of 2009", then SAMURAI PRINCESS should definitely qualify for a spot on it.

THE SCORPION KING 2: RISE OF A WARRIOR -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/21/08

 

Okay, I didn't see THE SCORPION KING with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, so I can't compare it to this 2008 direct-to-video prequel, THE SCORPION KING: RISE OF A WARRIOR. It's a fairly self-contained story, though, so I can surmise that a familiarity with the first movie isn't necessary in order to appreciate it.

In the ancient Middle East kingdom of Akkad, the elite warriors who serve as the king's bodyguards are known as The Black Scorpions. When the greatest of them, Ashur, is murdered by one of King Hammurabi's ambitious generals, Sargon (Randy Couture), Ashur's young son Mathayus swears revenge. So he goes into training as a Black Scorpion and returns six years later (now played by Michael Copon of DISHDOGZ and POWER RANGERS TIME FORCE) to discover that Sargon has assassinated King Hammurabi and now sits upon the throne.

Mathayus tries to kill the new king but fails due to Sargon's knowledge of the black arts. After fleeing the city, he plans his revenge with the help of a boyhood friend, girl-warrior Layla (Karen David), and an erudite young Greek poet named Ari (Simon Quarterman), who suggests that they try to acquire the invincible Sword of Damocles with which to defeat Sargon. Trouble is, the sword is currently in the possession of the dreaded Astarte, Queen of the Underworld (Natalie Becker), who is in league with Sargon.

The movie starts out as though it might be a rather straight-faced affair, with rich production design and a potentially somber narrative. But as we begin to notice the flashes of cartoony CGI and the often contemporary-sounding dialogue (such as "You were going to tell us this--when?" and "Nice place to visit, but..."), it becomes apparent that SCORPION KING 2 is little more than an exceptionally nice-looking B-movie. Which is fine, once you realize this and start to enjoy it as you might enjoy earlier Universal B-pictures such as THE MUMMY'S HAND. If you're looking for "great", you'll be disappointed. If "okay" is enough, then grab the popcorn.

The cast is adequate and likable enough. Copon, David, and Quarterman have a lot of amusing dialogue between them and play it with a light touch, with Quarterman giving what is probably the best performance as the heroes' cowardly but resourceful sidekick. David is the typical "you go, girl" wannabe-warrior without being tiresome about it, and thankfully the script is never desperate enough to have her spouting things like "male chauvinist!" at anyone. As the young man who will someday grow up to be The Rock, Copon manages to convey a goodnatured self-deprecation one minute and then switch easily into steely-eyed badass warrior mode the next.

As Sargon, real-life UFC champ Couture makes up for whatever refinement may be lacking in his acting skills with an imposing physique and sheer presence. He reminds me of the excellent character actor Patrick Kilpatrick, only about twice as big and half as talented. It's exciting to see this skilled fighter in action, and I was really disappointed when, during the final battle between Sargon and Mathayus, Couture is replaced by a huge black scorpion that looks like it escaped from a defective 80s videogame.

Bad CGI rears its cartoony head in several other areas as well, including a none-too-convincing minotaur that threatens to eat Mathayus and his pals, and a "gateway to the Underworld" sequence that looks like something out of TRON. You can get JURASSIC PARK effects with a Spielbergian budget and ILM-level technicians, but otherwise, most of this stuff looks about as realistic as Gene Kelly dancing with Jerry the Mouse. On the plus side, though, the practical effects during the creepy Underworld sequence, complete with lots of dead bodies, skulls, doomed souls growing out of trees, and slimy creatures slithering around in a swampy, moss-ridden hell, are well done.

Director Russell Mulcahy, who practically invented what is now referred to as "MTV-style" filmmaking, isn't quite as flashy and hyper as he was back in his HIGHLANDER days. He makes good use of his actors and locations and, for the most part, stages the action scenes well. Still, he retains an annoying tendency to tinker around with the editing, needlessly weighing down entire action sequences with endless speed-up/slow-down effects, distracting Shaky-Cam, and other cinematic frou-frou. On the whole, though, he shows marked improvement and acquits himself fairly well here.

Directorial noodlings aside, the fight scenes are pretty cool and are a nice mix of swordplay and martial arts. We even get a brief chick fight between Layla and Asarte (Natalie Becker is obviously having a great time playing her evil character), although it isn't a patch on the thrilling gold-standard sequence from THE MUMMY RETURNS. Michael Copon knows how to look good with a sword and can sidestep a slow-motion spear with the best of them, while Randy Couture pretty much owns the screen whenever he goes into action. A bonus featurette, "Fight Like An Akkadian: Black Scorpion Training Camp" details the rigorous training the cast endured to make these scenes work, and it was time well-spent. "On Set With The Beautiful Leading Ladies" covers the same ground from the female perspective.

Other bonus material includes an interesting profile of Couture, who originally tested for a lesser part before being "bumped up" to play Sargon. There's also a "making-of" featurette (in which director Russell Mulcahy comes off as a really fun guy who runs an efficient but happy set), brief looks at the production design and visual effects, some deleted scenes, and a gag reel. The DVD features 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with 5.1 Dolby Digital sound, and subtitles in English, Spanish, and French.

If you're a fan of THE SCORPION KING, you'll probably want to see the origin of the character and how he became the invincible warrior that he is (or was, anyway, until his somewhat unpleasant fate in THE MUMMY RETURNS). But even if you're new to the character, THE SCORPION KING 2: RISE OF A WARRIOR is a lighthearted, action-packed adventure that looks good (save for the bad CGI) and can be quite entertaining if you accept it for what it is--a competently made B-movie that makes the most of its budget and doesn't take itself too seriously.

 

BANGKOK ADRENALINE -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 10/26/10

 

I wish there were some way to keep a tally of how many brain cells I lost as BANGKOK ADRENALINE (2009) spin-kicked them into oblivion.  The story is a mess, much of the comedy is aggressively unfunny, and some of the main characters are so stupid and unlikable that I wanted to see them die horribly.  But aside from all that, it's a pretty kickass action flick.

The setting is beautiful downtown Bangkok as four white guys who we immediately can't stand do the "annoying tourist" routine which includes boisterous partying and gambling.  Since they suck at the latter, they end up owing a local crime boss one million batt (I think that's a lot) and will die "a painful and violent death" (yeah!) unless they pay within one week.  Their only logical solution?  You guessed it--kidnapping.

The millionaire whose daughter they snatch, Harris Dawson (Liam Noel Harrison), turns out to be a comically ruthless gang boss.  The daughter, Irene, turns out to be a girl whom our main character, Dan (Daniel O'Neill), dashingly rescued from some street toughs earlier.  She's also quite a handful and gives the guys a lot of trouble until she finds out that her father actually wants her dead in order to inherit all the money she's due to get on her 21st birthday.  So Irene and her erstwhile kidnappers join forces to stick it to Dad, but must deal with his deadly army of hired goons. 

A lot of the early comedy comes from seeing our heroes playfully taunt and terrorize their captive, which is incredibly endearing.  We forgive them because, darn it, they're just plain stupid!  Since Dan rescued her earlier and feels kind of bad about kidnapping her now, and is so cute besides, he's meant to be A-okay in our book.  So is Mike (Gwion Jacob Miles) even when he's threatening to kill Irene.  We know he doesn't really mean it!  Plus, Dan and Mike are martial arts experts, which makes them totally cool. (Note: I'm using sarcasm here!)


Worst of the lot is John (Raimund Huber), a red-dread-head who's a total waste and--God help us--our main comedy relief, along with a towering, musclebound meathead named Conan (Conan Stevens).  When Irene tells Conan she needs to go to the bathroom, the moron puts her in there, still tied to her chair.  John peeks in to check on her, sees the urine splashing between her feet, and cackles, "You peed yourself!  You peed yourself!"  It's gold, Jerry--gold! 

More laughs come later when the guys all wear funny masks so that Irene can't see their faces, and, sure enough, the masks are actually pretty funny.  Huber, by the way, directed the movie, and he and Stevens collaborated on the screenplay along with the guy who plays a transvestite named "Aunt Bulldog" later on in the story.  Just throwing that out there.

Anyway, as soon as they find out that Irene's dad wants her dead, the guys do a one-eighty and decide to help her, along with a couple of her badass bodyguards, Lek and Hans, who have always considered her a "little sister."  What follows is a series of frenetic, stunt-packed, and often thrilling fight scenes which are strung together by the rest of the dopey plot.  These involve several different combinations of good guys and goons, and take place in a variety of locations including some tall buildings and moving vehicles.  One particularly determined baddie scores laughs by continually hurling himself at our heroes like a crazed Energizer bunny.

While the editing is often on the irritating side, the action itself is dazzling, particularly with O'Neill (who was also the stunt coordinator and fight choreographer) going at it with an arsenal of spin kicks, pinwheel flips, reckless stunts, a little breakdancing, and some nice parkour-type moves.  (When he gracefully lifts himself over an iron fence with a stunning gymnastics move, I was thinking, "No way!")  Conan, meanwhile, bashes his way through bunches of bad guys like a piledriver, while cowardly John entertains us with a series of "funny" confrontations which, oddly enough, aren't funny!


Even Irene gets in her kicks, running around in a towel and catching her pursuers off-guard by flashing her nude body at them, until one of them turns out to be gay.  Then she's handed back over to Dad, setting the scene for a final showdown that pays off pretty well in thrills.  Huber actually does a decent directing job aside from the choppy editing, and most of the cast are capable, particularly Harrison's teeth-gnashing performance as Dawson and Dom Hetrakul as Irene's concerned bodyguard, Lek.  I also like Michael Ocholi as Jacque, a French mercenary friend of John's who keeps getting killed and coming back. 

The DVD from Image Entertainment is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 surround sound.  Soundtrack is in English with English and Spanish subtitles.  The sole extra consists of 56 minutes of behind-the-scenes footage which demonstrate how boring a movie shoot can be. 

I really hated this movie the first time I watched it, but upon second viewing I began to warm up to it thanks to the non-stop action and overall jackass attitude.  This, in addition to a few moments here and there which are actually kind of funny, make BANGKOK ADRENALINE worth a look.  That is, if you don't mind risking brain damage from being exposed to its more stupefying qualities.

CROOKED -- Movie Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/17/11

 

Why do I like Gary Busey? I don't know--I guess it's because you never know if he's going to give a really good, lucid performance (as in THE BUDDY HOLLY STORY or SOLDIER), or if he's going to look like the police just got through dragging a lake and found him.

In CROOKED, aka SOFT TARGET (2006), he assumes the role of cop boss Rouse as though he's been jarred awake from a coma and told to audition for the role of "The Swamp Thing." His hair looks like it was combed with a tennis racket, and his wire-framed glasses are noticeably askew in every shot--I mean, like, at a 45-degree angle--as though he were one of those funny-because-he's-acting-serious characters in a Zucker brothers comedy.

Gary doesn't do all that much in the film, but there are several scenes with him stuck in here and there as though the filmmakers are making the most of the day or so they could afford to pay him to wander onto the set. On the other hand, Fred "The Hammer" Williamson, another comparatively big name looming large in the credits, doesn't even survive the first ten minutes or so.



Fred plays Paxton, one of several cops killed in a motel shoot-out while trying to protect a witness whose testimony could sink a major mob boss named Nugentti. Right before the wounded Paxton is delivered the coup de grace, he recognizes his killer and mutters, "You too, Brutus?" Which lets all us viewers who had to read Shakespeare in high school know that someone on the force is a traitor working for Nugentti.

We also know that while the witness himself was being whacked, there was a hooker named Eve (Lorraine Farris) hiding in the bathroom, and now she knows that it was Nugentti, Jr. (Michael Cavalieri), acting head of the "family" while his dad awaits trial, who performed the hit personally. It doesn't take Junior long to find out about her, so she becomes a highly sought-after individual in need of police protection herself.

The two guys Gary "Rouse" Busey assigns to the job are non-buddy cops Danny Tyler (Don "The Dragon" Wilson) and Phil Yordan (Olivier Gruner), who really hate each other, especially since Phil keeps defaming the memory of the late officer Paxton, which makes Danny mad, and is always riding Danny about how his late father was a crooked cop, which makes Danny really mad.

Since hunky Phil is such a ladies' man, he has full access to a succession of empty houses and apartments belonging to out-of-town stewardesses, which the cops can use to hide their reluctant witness. Trouble is, the bad guys somehow keep finding out where they are, resulting in a series of sudden ambushes and shoot-outs. Who keeps tipping them off? Is Eve somehow connected with the mob? Or could Danny or Phil be the mysterious traitor?

Along the way, each of the three gets to have a tender, introspective "moment" where they open up and reveal intimate details about their pasts in order to enrich their characterizations. Danny tells Eve about his dad, Eve tells Danny about her little boy who lives with his grandma in Arizona, and Phil tells Danny about his dad. Trouble is, asking these actors to do "tender and introspective" is like hiring Vin Diesel to portray Oscar Wilde.



Lorraine Farris plays Eve as though she's acting out a particularly eventful bedtime story for her kids.  Don and Olivier fare a bit better, but I think this is mainly because I like them. Don has an earnest and somewhat vulnerable quality that offsets his "action guy" persona in a nice way, while I've always found Olivier to be a likable actor, especially in Albert Pyun's overlooked 1993 schlock sci-fi epic NEMESIS.

Things get even more dramatic when one of Phil's flight attendant girlfriends comes home unexpectedly. While these two lovebirds git down to some serious lovin' in a bubble bath upstairs, Danny and Eve find their increasingly simpatico relationship blooming into a shirts-off roll on the couch. Thus, with the appearance of some gratuitous nakidity, for a few minutes CROOKED looks like one of those cheap softcore skin flicks you'd run across on Cinemax while channel surfing after midnight.

But it doesn't take long for the action to re-heat up when the bad guys discover their whereabouts yet again, and soon there's a slam-bang shoot-em-up finale at an airport. Like all the other action sequences in the film, this one features some of the worst Shaky-Cam ever, which, as in this case, is often used to disguise poor direction and fight choreography. Every punch, kick, or gunshot is composed of two or three shots haphazardly edited together to make them look more kinetic, but the result is a jumbled mess that makes the action hard to follow.

The budget did allow for a pretty cool car explosion (or is that stock footage?), and we see a helicopter taken out with a bazooka. But there's little else here that you can't see done better on any episode of a typical cop show on TV.

The flick does have its good points--Don Wilson and Olivier Gruner are passable good guys, Gary Busey is "interesting", and Fred Williamson is always fun to watch. Familiar character actor Martin Kove, as a fellow cop who may or may not be the turncoat, does the best he can with his clunky dialogue, while Suzanne von Schaack does a good job as a female cop named "Buzz." Michael Cavalieri is particularly effective as Nugentti, Jr., giving his character an appropriately scary edge.

However, the rest of the cast is pretty forgettable, and CROOKED as a whole is hardly worth going out of your way to see. I tried to think of a punny way to work the title into my closing line, but it really isn't worth the effort.

BORN TO FIGHT -- DVD Review by Porfle

Panna Rittikrai is the godfather of Thai action flicks--he's written, directed, choreographed, and/or starred in fifty of them over the past twenty-five years, most notably ONG-BAK and THE PROTECTOR starring his protege' Tony Jaa. (I know all this stuff because I just looked it up on the Internet.) In 1984 he directed and starred in his first film, BORN TO FIGHT, (aka Gerd Ma Lui), featuring some of the most amazing stunts I've ever seen. Which is good, because if this movie had to get by on its acting, story, and production values, it would probably be lining a cat box somewhere at this very moment.

Panna plays Tong (or "Tony" as he's called in the badly-dubbed English soundtrack), a former cop who has been called back into action to protect Sianfong, a lawyer for a wealthy Hong Kong family. Sianfong has come across some documents revealing that Tungseung, the Yang family's eldest son-in-law, has been embezzling from the family fortune for years. Tungseung puts out a contract on Sianfong and enlists his old gang, the Green Dragons, to carry it out. After Sianfong flees to Thailand, Tong must track him down and keep the Green Dragons from getting their mitts on him.

The opening scenes of Sianfong discovering the documents and subsequently having to flee for his life look like an old Super-8 home movie from the 60s that somebody dug out of their closet. The source print used for this DVD is pretty beat-up, which only compounds the overall ineptness of the direction and photography. I'm willing to cut low-budget filmmakers a lot of slack, but this is as bad as it gets--I kept expecting to see the MST3K guys at the bottom of the screen, doing a running commentary.

When the Green Dragon boys show up at a warehouse on the trail of Sianfong, we get our first taste of the kind of action we can expect from BORN TO FIGHT. And although the camerawork and editing leave much to be desired, the fight choreography and stunts are awesome. Rarely have I seen stuntmen risk physical injury with such abandon. These guys actually punch and kick the crap out of each other, with several of the best blows repeated, at various speeds, up to three times--and sometimes we see two different takes of the same stunt back-to-back.

As the movie progresses and Tong proves to be a magnet for every two-fisted punk who lays eyes on him, the stuntwork keeps getting cranked up to a point where we often see things that we doubt the stuntman was able to walk away from. One guy wrecks his motorcycle, flies over the handlebars, and crashes through a billboard onto solid ground several feet below it. Another motorcycle gag shows the stuntman doing a head-on with a pickup truck and flying over it, again landing on solid ground. Not only do these guys eschew wirework and other fakery, they also work without a net.

A 35-minute bonus featurette called "Fearless Maniacs" shows young men coming from all over to audition as stunt performers in this and other films like it, and I got the impression that they'd do anything to be in the movies, regardless of the possible consequences. This suspicion seems to be borne out by the reckless abandon displayed by the stuntmen in many of these hair-raising action scenes.

The hand-to-hand fights are filmed in long takes with extensive choreography that is expertly performed, especially by Panna Rittikrai. He may not be much of an actor, but as a fighter he really knows his stuff and gets plenty of chances to demonstrate it. I haven't mentioned the plot of this movie much, and I'm not going to because it really doesn't matter. It's just an excuse for a succession of fights and stunts, all of which are a lot of fun to watch. Besides, the story is boring, and Tong's comedy-relief sidekick, Ruay, makes Jerry Lewis look like Sir Cedric Hardwicke.

I can't give BORN TO FIGHT a very high score because, as a movie, it's just awful. But the fights and stunts that appear frequently throughout are sufficient reason to give it a look--especially if you're an aficionado of either Asian action cinema or really bad movies.

Features:
Languages: Thai (Dolby Digital 2.0 - Stereo - Dual Mono)
English (Dolby Digital 2.0 - Stereo)
Subtitles: English
Full Screen/Stereo/Mono
Interview With Tony Jaa & Panna Rittikrai (16 mins.)
Interview With Producer Chokchai Melewan (4 mins.)
"Fearless Maniacs" Featurette (35 mins.)
"Ong Bak" Spoof (14 mins.)
"Ong Bak" Commercial Spoof (33 secs.)

GEISHA ASSASSIN -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/27/10

 

If you like plenty of furious swordfights and other assorted mayhem without a lot of story getting in the way, then GEISHA ASSASSIN, aka Geisha vs. ninja (2008), should keep you happy for awhile.

The film follows a simple path all the way to the end, with few variations or surprises. Mysterious geisha Kotomi (Minami Tsukui) wants revenge on samurai Katagiri Hyo-e (Shigeru Kanai) for killing her father. But to get to him, she must chop her way through a series of opponents who get harder to defeat as she goes along. In this way, the film reminded me of a videogame where the difficulty level keeps increasing till you reach the final challenge.

We get to see Kotomi in full geisha mode during a lovely title sequence, after which she begins to stalk a seemingly blase' Hyo-e at a secluded house in the country. He tells her to check back with him if she survives his gauntlet of bodyguards and disappears for the rest of the movie. Thus begins the episodic series of bloody encounters.

Nobody takes Kotomi seriously at first--their mistake--until she's sliced and diced her way across the rural countryside leaving sushified samurais and ninja nuggets in her wake. Meanwhile, we're teased with bits of Kotomi's backstory along the way--as a little girl, her samurai father insists on training her as a warrior while she practices to be a geisha behind his back--until finally the whole secret behind her quest for revenge is revealed.


Two things make all of this worth watching--Gô Ohara's stylish direction, some really nice low-budget cinematography, and the consistently entertaining fight scenes. Okay, three things. The film is deliberately paced and takes its time establishing the atmosphere and mood of each scene, displaying what appears to be a Sergio Leone influence in the lead-up to some of the swordfights, which are all well-staged.

Kotomi's clash with the Ainu woman (Kaori Sakai) begins with several long closeups of their determined faces as they square off in silence, gently pelted by a sudden rain shower. (Their bout degenerates into a cool bare-knuckle catfight.) The final face-off is a bit reminiscent of the final gunfights in THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY and ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST.

Some cartoonishly wacky wirework makes an appearance when Kotomi goes up against three ninjas who have the ability to swoop around like Peter Pan on pep pills. A ninja woman (Nao Nagasawa) then steps in for a rather elegant session that features some impressive sword-soccer. Next up is a 7" tall Lurch-like monk (Satoshi Hakuzen) who looks like he could swallow Kotomi in one gulp, in a one-sided fight that would stretch our credulity like taffy if the movie weren't already so over the top.


Best of all, however, is the appearance of a really weird old man (Shuji Korimoto) with the useful ability to turn into an army of grotesque demons who can remove their heads and launch them at our heroine like hairy bowling balls. This sequence is pretty spooky and is one of the film's many stylistic shifts which suit each phase of Kotomi's ordeal.

The DVD from Well Go USA, Inc. and Jolly Roger is in 2.35.1 widescreen with a Dolby 2.0 Japanese-language soundtrack and English subtitles. The original trailer is included.

Clocking in at a brisk 79 minutes, GEISHA ASSASSIN is filled with ultra-frenetic swordfights that are beautifully and very convincingly choreographed, with lots of long takes that demonstrate much skill and careful rehearsal on the part of the actors. Couple this with Gô Ohara's imaginative direction and pretty Minami Tsukui's energetic lead performance and you've got a fun little film that's short on substance but long on pleasing visuals and rousing action.

RAGING PHOENIX -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 9/13/10

 

A fun, though somewhat exhausting martial arts action-adventure, RAGING PHOENIX (2009) is a consistently surprising mish-mash of different fighting techniques combined with just about anything else you can do with the human body. 

Young women are disappearing off the streets in broad daylight without a trace.  Deu (JeeJa Yanin, CHOCOLATE), a troubled girl with a dead father and an absentee mother, almost becomes one of them but is rescued by a group of unlikely heroes led by Sanim (fighting champion Kazu Patrick Tang).  He and his eternally drunk cohorts, Dogshit (Sompong Leartvimolkasame), Pigshit (Nui Sandang), and Bullshit (Boonprasayrit Salangam), then put Deu through intensive training in their fighting styles so that she can help them track down the evil Jaguar gang who are responsible for the abductions. 

The film has a pleasing contemporary look with Rashane Limtrakul directing much of it in a freewheeling music-video style that's only occasionally annoying.  The early fight sequences are imaginatively conceived and filled with delightfully unexpected moves that combine Chinese and Thai drunken fighting styles, breakdancing, parkour, gymnastics--even some modified ballroom dance and ballet moves when Deu and Sanim are working together--all of which is enhanced by a lighthearted sense of fun.  Much of the action during these scenes displays a sheer, reckless audacity that is thrilling.

Deu adapts her friends' methods of deriving strength from alcohol and, like them, is soon kicking her way through waves of opponents while in a drunken stupor.  Her training scenes are upbeat and filled with impressive feats of agility and acrobatic skill.  Adding to the excitement is the obvious lack of stunt doubles or wirework--most of the action is performed by the stars themselves, including a painful-looking shot of JeeJa Yanin doing a slow-motion backward fall of at least ten feet and landing hard on her back. 

While the film initially seems to be heading into comedy territory, things get serious when we discover why Sanim and his friends are after the Jaguar gang--each has lost a loved one to them and is driven by a lust for revenge.  Sanim's belief that Pai, his bride-to-be who was stolen on their wedding day, is still alive, fuels his drive to locate the gang's secret lair with Deu as the bait.  This eventually leads them into a vast network of underground vaults and tunnels, at which point the film begins to resemble something out of James Bond or Indiana Jones.

Asian female bodybuilding champion Roongtawan Jindasing enters the picture as the gang leader whose fighting skills prove to be virtually unbeatable.  While much of the battle action become less interesting as the film progresses, there's a hair-raising showdown between Sanim, Deu, and Roongtawan on a series of criss-crossing rope bridges over a deep chasm, which builds considerable suspense.  The set design here is quite elaborate and impressive, as is the choreography.  The only drawback to the sequence is the fact that, unlike the other lead actors, the exotic Roongtawan is often very obviously replaced by a stunt double.  And, as Austin Powers might say, he's a man, baby!

All of the leads are appealing, especially the very cute JeeJa Yanin who gets to show off both her physical prowess and her acting skills.  Kazu Patrick Tang also gets plenty of opportunity to emote as Sanim agonizes over the fate of his lost love, Pai.  This aspect of the story tends to get a little maudlin by the end of the film, which, at 114 minutes, is so long that the pace begins to drag in spots.  But there's so much incredibly-staged action throughout that one can easily overlook the film's imperfections. 

The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 1.78:1 widescreen with both English and Thai Dolby 5.1 soundtracks.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras include "making of" and "behind the scenes" featurettes.

With its dazzling mix of martial arts styles, acrobatics, and dance, along with great characters and an increasingly elaborate spy-movie plot, RAGING PHOENIX is an engaging action flick that's as likable as its winsome star.  There's so much going on in each scene that you may have to watch it again just to catch everything you missed the first time.

A THOUSAND YEARS OF GOOD PRAYERS/ THE PRINCESS OF NEBRASKA -- DVD Reviews by Porfle

 

(On May 26, 2009, Magnolia Home Entertainment released a Wayne Wang 2-disc double-feature DVD containing the films A THOUSAND YEARS OF GOOD PRAYERS and THE PRINCESS OF NEBRASKA. Both were also available in separate editions. )

 

I'm not going to make a lame joke about how watching A THOUSAND YEARS OF GOOD PRAYERS (2007) really feels like it takes a thousand years, because chances are it's already been done by now. But it really does. Although this isn't a bad movie, you may find yourself nodding off between the parts in which something actually happens.

The thing is, director Wayne Wang, who gave us 1993's THE JOY LUCK CLUB, seems to want this movie to be intensely boring since he has deliberately made it as slow-paced as spending a long Sunday afternoon watching sea monkeys expire. If an oncoming glacier had popped up in the final reel, it would've qualified as a thrilling action finale by comparison.

Now that I've given you an idea of what to expect in that regard, let's explore the other aspects of the film. The plot concerns an old-fashioned Chinese father from Beijing, Mr. Shi (Henry O), visiting his more modern daughter Yilan (Feihong Yu) in America. Mr. Shi worries that Yilan will never find a suitable husband and be happy after her unsuccessful first marriage. Yilan bristles at his very presence and begins to spend evenings away from the apartment, leaving him alone for long periods of time. When they do find themselves together, mainly at dinner, she's sullen and uncommunicative. Obviously she's troubled by some deep, unspoken resentment.

Mr. Shi wanders around while Yilan's at work, conversing with strangers about how he used to be a rocket scientist. He meets a nice older lady from Iran (Vida Ghahremani) in the park, and they become fast friends even though they can barely understand each other. The rest of the time he sits around waiting for Yilan to come home. When she finally does, he discovers that she's been seeing a married guy from Russia named Boris (Pavel Lychnikoff), and in the ensuing confrontation she reveals the reasons why she can't stand having him around and why she wants him to go on a tour to Montana.

If I were an independent woman living on my own, having Mr. Shi creeping around the apartment critiquing everything I did would drive me outta my gourd too. The trouble is, he's a nice enough old guy who means well and we like him, so Yilan's cold-shoulder treatment is bothersome. But he's boring as hell. He sits pondering factoids in the newspaper, lurks around in the park or snoops through Yilan's stuff. And he does everything reeeeal sloooow. In order to watch this movie you have to gear yourself way down to a level you may not have thought yourself capable of, like one of those yogis who use will power to slow down their own heartbeats.

There are some light and intriguing little moments scattered about. I like the part where Mr. Shi invites a couple of young white-shirt-and-tie Mormons into the apartment and engages them in a truly interested manner that they clearly aren't used to, promising to read their book so that they can better continue the discussion later. He's always making notes in his notebook about unfamiliar English words and phrases, such as "Kum-n-Go" (an unfortunately-named gas station). In an overtly symbolic scene in Yilan's bedroom, he discovers a couple of those Russian nested dolls (a male and a female) that open up to reveal a smaller doll inside, which opens up to reveal an even smaller one, etc. until you reach the core. Put them all together and you see only the outer shell that conceals all those inner secrets.

Wayne Wang, the director, doesn't move the camera much here. He doesn't move the actors much, either. But his direction is efficient, and he successfully captures the intent of Yiyun Li's languid but thoughtful screenplay, which is to explore how old-style Chinese culture and customs can make it difficult for family members to open up to each other and express their feelings. It's a small tragedy when we discover that whatever happened to turn Yilan against her father so long ago was based on a misunderstanding which, due to cultural reasons, was allowed to remain unresolved.

In 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital sound, the DVD looks and sounds okay. Mr. Shi and Yilan speak Chinese to each other a lot, so much of the film is subtitled; captions are available in Spanish only. Extras include revealing interviews with Henry O and author Yiyun Li, a photo gallery, and trailers from other Magnolia DVD releases.

Watching and appreciating A THOUSAND YEARS OF GOOD PRAYERS requires things from its viewers such as patience, concentration, and contemplation. (Which means that it definitely wasn't designed to compete with giant robot movies at your local metroplex.) For that, it does offer some small rewards by the time it finally reaches its end, not the least of which being the fact that it all really does mean something, and that there's some hope yet for our protagonists. But even this couldn't completely counteract the feeling that, overall, this film is an enervating, somewhat depressing, even mildly claustrophobic experience. I found the semi-happy ending exhilarating--I felt as though I'd escaped.

I watched my second Wayne Wang film, THE PRINCESS OF NEBRASKA (2007), in the morning so that I'd have a fresher outlook and more stamina. I still had trouble staying awake. I hate to keep mentioning how noddy Wang's films seem to be, but since that's one of my main reactions then it seems worth noting. This one, however, did have more going on in it, with a more engaging storyline and a wider variety of interesting characters.

The story--based once again on the works of writer Yiyun Li--concerns a vacuous young Chinese girl named Sasha (Li Ling) who gets pregnant after having sex with a promiscuous opera singer named Yang in Beijing, then travels from her college in Nebraska to San Francisco so that she can have an abortion. She meets up with one of Yang's former lovers, a gay Caucasian man named Boshen (Brian Danforth), whom she later discovers harbors a secret desire for Sasha, Yang, and himself to form a family and raise the baby.

That night, as she wanders around the city agonizing over her decision, she meets a prostitute named X (Pamelyn Chee) in Chinatown and helps her entertain some businessmen in a private karaoke room. They spend the night together in a hotel room, where Sasha reads aloud from her diary and is berated by X for her foolishly romantic notions. The next day, Sasha goes to the abortion clinic with an anxious Boshen although she's still unsure of her decision. This uncertainty is compounded by a lengthy, probing questionaire and an ultrasound which allows her to see the four-month-old fetus.

Although we feel for her, Sasha really isn't very likable. She steals a young couple's shopping bag at the mall, then petulantly throws away what she doesn't want from it. She also rummages through purses at the dinner party that Boshen takes her to, and embarrasses him in front of his friends by acting like a brat. She discovers Boshen's "plan" while snooping through his personal letters, and when she confronts him with this she announces that such a plan will cost him. Later, she even goes so far as to have X introduce her to a sleazy baby merchant.

Much of the film consists of Sasha's video diary taken with her ever-present cell phone, with which she also constantly sends unanswered text messages to Yang. Long, wavering shots of city streets and crowded sidewalks tend to drag after awhile. There's also an awful lot of contemplation and reflection in this movie--Sasha gazes into mirrors, examines the lines in her palms, fiddles with her fingernails, etc. Director Wang's camera is all over the place here, sometimes finding just the right shot seemingly by accident, but often simply meandering. The editing is okay but could've been tightened considerably, although in a movie like this I guess that isn't the point.

The DVD image is 2.35:1 widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 and 2.0 sound, and the picture is okay although obviously shot on video. Captions are available in Spanish only. Extras include another interview with writer Yiyun Li, eight minutes of video silliness (Borat-style humor, emo whinings, etc.) called "Sasha's Video Diaries", the even sillier "Ling and Yan Yan: A Day in the Life of Chinese Women" (a title in which the word "idiotic" would easily fit in somewhere), a photo gallery, and trailers from other Magnolia DVD releases.

In the end, Sasha text-messages Yang that she's "moving on"--an American phrase that she relates to--although she's going to need more than an abortion to change her life for the better. Wang doesn't spell things out for us at the end, but leaves some doubt as to Sasha's decision when she leaves the clinic and immediately joins the St. Stupid's Day parade that's going by (an image that I found particularly inspired). The final shot is sort of an impressionistic depiction of the empty, isolated feeling that must come when getting an abortion you're not really sure you want to have, or watching a movie that doesn't really have an ending.

TRIANGLE -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 9/7/09

 

Three big names in Hong Kong cinema--directors Tsui Hark, Johnnie To, and Ringo Lam--come together to form TRIANGLE (2007), an exciting tale of greed, intrigue, and redemption.

Each director worked independently of the others, so the film's tone changes noticeably from one segment to the next. Yet this serves to keep the film interesting since we never know quite what to expect. Crime, domestic turmoil, and touches of comedy lead to a midsection that's melancholy and almost surreal, which then gives way to a shoot-em-up finale filled with confusion and misdirection.

One constant is the excellent cast and their interesting characters. Simon Yam is a middle-class failure named Sam who is about to lose his house and whose delusional wife, Ling (Kelly Lin), thinks he's having an affair with his previous wife, May, who's dead. Ling, meanwhile, is being unfaithful to Sam with a crooked cop named Wen (Lam Ka-Tung) and imagines herself pregnant by him. She asks him to kill Sam for her, which he's willing to do until he discovers that Sam and two of his friends, Mok and Fei, have stumbled onto an ancient golden burial vest that could net them millions of dollars.

Former soldier Mok (Sun Honglei) is an antique dealer who's also about to lose it all. Fei (Louis Koo) divides his time between snitching for Wen and trying to enlist Sam as a driver in a jewel heist to be committed by some scary criminals known as The Brothers. When the opportunity to get their hands on the priceless burial vest presents itself, the three waste no time in devising a plan to procure it. But nothing goes as planned and before long, they're all embroiled in a tangled mess that could get them all killed.

Tsui Hark handles the first third of the film in which he must deal with lots of exposition in an interesting way. Still, there are some stunning setpieces for him to play with, such as the heist itself and a gripping highway sequence in which Sam, held at gunpoint by Wen, suddenly floors his car through speeding traffic in a suicidal fit of anger. Hark also gets a lot of mileage out of those bad Brothers as they terrorize the cowering Fei and have a cool brawling run-in with Wen. The errant cop's illicit meetings with Ling are tinged with guilt, tension, and her own madness.

The next segment takes place almost entirely in an empty warehouse where a handcuffed Wen watches as Sam and Ling reconcile on the middle ground of their respective delusions. Ling, now wearing the gold-bedecked vest, sees her husband as the man she once fell in love with, while Sam sees her as the dead May. They dance together in their own ghostly, haunted world. Ringo Lam uses the spacious interior well with lots of rectangular compositions that stretch into the darkness. This strange reverie is broken when Mok and Fei arrive on the scene, accusations of betrayal are exchanged, and Wen escapes with the vest, running Ling down with his car. The three men and the injured Ling give chase.

The rest of the film belongs to Johnnie To, who likes to pit opposing groups of people against each other in unlikely locations and then unleash his cinematic muse. In this case our heroes overtake Wen in an isolated open-air cafe' next to a vast field of tall grass, where a furious battle for the vest ensues between them, the Brothers, and a hapless traffic cop who's stumbled into the fray. Possession of the treasure goes back and forth in a tense stand-off inside the cafe' before the ensuing gun battle spills out into the field, with To leading the viewer on what is traditionally known as "a merry chase."

Despite the tension, the entire sequence is embued with a wry sense of humor that almost borders on slapstick---we're even treated to the old comedy routine of the lights being flicked on and off during a fight. The sight of good guys and bad guys blasting away at each other while lurching around in tall grass like nearsighted raptors is also somewhat comical. Director To manages to keep things real enough, however, that when the segment's finishing touches fall into place it evokes a satisfying sense of irony and catharsis.

The DVD from Magnolia is 2.35:1 widescreen with original Cantonese and an English dub in both 5.1 and 2.0 Dolby Digital sound. English and Spanish subtitles are available. Bonus features consist of a brief making-of featurette and a 13-minute informal look at the filming of some of the climactic scenes.

TRIANGLE is such an intriguing collaboration between these three famous directors that one can easily forgive the fact that it isn't the most exciting or challenging Hong Kong action film ever made. As a creative exercise with a good story and an excellent cast, it succeeds in being fun, entertaining, and maybe even a little uplifting, and it's done with three kinds of style.

MOTHER -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 8/4/10

 

Korean director Bong Joon-ho's MOTHER (2009) begins with Hye-ja Kim's title character standing out in a field, doing what I call a "sad dance."  Her movements are festive and celebratory--albeit in an empty, mechanical way--while her expression is anything but.  After watching her scintillating story you'll understand how she ends up in such emotional conflict.

Mother runs a modest herb shop and practices accupuncture without a license while caring for her teenaged son Do-joon (Bin Won).  He's several bricks short of a load, but he's a good-natured, childlike boy (he still sleeps with her) who generally means well.  Do-joon's best friend is a delinquent named Jin-tae (Goo Jin) who's sometimes a bad influence on him, although he does watch over the simpleminded boy like a big brother.  When Do-joon is accused of murdering a schoolgirl in what appears to be an open-and-shut case, Mother and Jin-tae form an unlikely alliance in order to prove his innocence.

I was afraid this was going to turn out to be one of those stories in which an eccentric old lady turns out to be a crackerjack detective, showing up the pros with her sharp wit, quirky methods, and old-fashioned common sense--sort of like what might happen if Miss Marple were Korean and had a son in prison for murder.  In fact, Mother turns out to be simply a desperate woman flailing around in the darkness, hoping to stumble across anything that might help her son.

When she does begin to pick up a few threads that might lead to an elusive clue, she's believably tenacious, resourceful, and brave.  When necessary, she becomes ruthless.  Still, she's a hopeless novice and most of her efforts, including hiring a slick, narcissistic lawyer, are in vain as she sacrifices her dignity and self-respect--ingratiating, imploring, demeaning herself, throwing herself on the mercy of anyone who'll help.

Just when things seem their bleakest, Mother gains an unlikely ally--Jin-tae, whose cunning and strong-arm tactics lead her and us into one of the most gripping sequences in the film when they question a couple of potential witnesses in an empty amusement park.  This yields an important lead regarding the murdered girl, which sets the final series of events into motion.

Through it all, Mother's victories are small, mostly hollow, and ultimately futile.  She struggles to keep her civilized veneer as she withers inside with each setback, until finally, in sheer desperation, she's reduced to an act that jolts the viewer's expectations almost as much as the shower scene in PSYCHO.

Slow-paced and involving, MOTHER is quite a rewarding experience for those who occasionally prefer subtlety and depth over constant action and sensation.  Thoughtful and rewarding, the film also has a nice visual style which is enhanced by a number of beautiful, evocative shots.  The cast is very good, with Goo Jin an enigmatic Jin-tae, Bin Won wonderfully childlike and naive as Do-joon, and Hye-ja Kim absolutely brilliant as Mother.  Her performance is both inspiring and heartrending, effortlessly carrying the film ever higher with each scene.

The DVD from Magnolia is 2.35:1 widescreen with a Korean 5.1 Dolby Digital soundtrack.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras consist of five informative featurettes focusing on "making of", production design, supporting actors, cinematography, and the excellent musical score by Lee Byeong-woo.

With MOTHER, Bong Joon-ho (BARKING DOGS NEVER BITE) applies his knack for deadpan humor to some deadpan irony, the bitterness of which doesn't keep it from being pretty delicious as well.  In the end, we understand the sad dance, and why Mother's movements are celebratory but her expression is desolate.

BARKING DOGS NEVER BITE -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/30/10

 

In his feature-length directorial debut, BARKING DOGS NEVER BITE (2000), Korean filmmaker Bong Joon-Ho (MOTHER, THE HOST) serves up a recipe that takes awhile to simmer into savory cinematic goodness but is worth the wait for those who don't like to eat and run.  And yes, I suck at food puns.

The film opens with one of those "no animals were harmed" disclaimers, the reason for which soon becoming clear as we watch harried apartment dweller Yoon-ju (Lee Sung-jae) kidnap a neighbor's incessantly barking dog and go about trying to come up with a way to kill it.  Unable to drop it off the roof, he then takes it into the basement and hangs it with a length of rope in a scene that will have dog lovers squirming in their seats.  Finally, he simply shoves the pooch into a cabinet and bars the doors.  Problem solved--until he discovers that it's the wrong dog when the barking continues.  Finally locating the offending canine, Yoon-ju works up the nerve to carry it to the roof and fling it over the side.

This time, however, his dastardly deed is witnessed by Hyun-nam (the wonderful Bae Doo-na, SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE), a janitor in the office building next door, and her portly BFF Jang-mi (Go Soo-hee, LADY VENGEANCE), who runs a convenience shop on the first floor.  Hyun-nam rushes across the street into Yoon-ju's building and relentlessly pursues him until he finally makes his escape.  Later, she befriends him when she finds him posting "missing dog" placards--ironically, his pregnant, mercilessly domineering wife's precious mutt has run away while in his care and he's been ordered to find it or else.  But little does Hyun-nam suspect that her new friend is the very villain she's searching for.

BARKING DOGS NEVER BITE has the same deliberate pace and matter-of-fact presentation as another Korean film, SYMPATHY FOR MR. VENGEANCE, but its moments of drama and pathos are interlaced with a dark and very wry sense of humor that sometimes borders on the absurd.  In one scene, Yoon-ju finds himself hiding in that cabinet in the basement while he watches a creepy janitor happily butchering the first dog for a stew.  A friend stops by to join him, and the janitor regails him with the terrifying story of "Boiler Kim", whose ghost is said to haunt the basement, in a lengthy detour that the film is quite happy to devote several minutes to.  Naturally, a severely spooked Yoon-ju gets locked in the dark basement overnight.

Although we can never really forgive him for his early deeds, Yoon-ju is a somewhat sympathetic character who lives under a cloud of quiet desperation and seems to have a tenuous grasp on reality.  He yearns to be a college professor but must find the means to bribe a greedy dean whose price is steep, while his cold-fish wife intimidates and demeans him at every turn.  His friendship with Hyun-nam becomes a bright spot in his life, yet behind it is always the fear that she'll discover who he really is.

As for Hyun-nam, she's the introspective yet plucky heart of the story and her close relationship with Jang-mi is displayed both in their good-natured squabbling and in some surprisingly tender and moving moments.  Hyun-nam's determined pursuit of Yoon-ju through the apartment building is both exciting and funny--the ending is pure cartoon slapstick--and later, when she tracks down Yoon-ju's own missing dog and daringly attempts to rescue it from yet another hobo stew, the sequence is exhilarating. 

Director Boon Joon-Ho is adept at combining achingly deadpan comedy (the toilet paper scene is priceless) and world-weary melancholy punctuated by moments of startling dramatic impact.  Some patience is required of the viewer, not because the film is boring but because it moseys along at its own deliberate pace and refuses to be rushed.  I had no problem with this since the story is absorbing enough to maintain interest, while rewarding the viewer with some riveting narrative passages (such as the "Boiler Kim" story), perceptive glimpses into the characters, and unexpected flashes of visual delight and giddy humor.
 

The DVD from Magnolia Home Entertainment is in 1.85:1 widescreen, Dolby 5.1 and 2.0 Korean soundtrack with English and Spanish subtitles.  Extras include an interview with Bae Doo-na, storyboard and film comparisons, a highlight montage (which serves no apparent purpose), and the international trailer. 

BARKING DOGS NEVER BITE is a trip worth taking (if you can get past the graphic depictions of doggy abuse), although you may be a little dispirited by where some of the characters end up. And like Hyun-nam and her friend, who long to get away from the oppressive city and lose themselves in nature, the film just kind of wanders off into the woods.

BLACK DEATH -- DVD review by porfle

Originally posted on 5/20/11

 

One of the most frightening periods ever--medieval Europe's Black Plague--is given a workout in BLACK DEATH (2010), a dark tale of the Dark Ages with plenty of oppressive atmosphere and grimy period detail.

With half of Europe's population dying off from what is widely perceived as a punishment from God, the church's attention is drawn to a remote village that seems untouched by the plague.  The knight Ulric (Sean Bean) and his men are dispatched by the Bishop to find out why, and to preempt any rumors of a secular salvation from the pestilence.  On their way, they pick up a young monk named Osmund (Eddie Redmayne) who knows the way and was already planning to flee the monastery in order to meet up with his childhood love Averill (Kimberly Nixon).

Early on, we see horrors that are the grim flipside of similar scenes done for laughs in MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL, as people "bring out their dead" to be carted away and a suspected witch is lashed to a stake to be burned by a frenzied mob.  Then we follow Ulric's group as they trudge downriver to the mysterious village, encountering some self-flagellating, cross-bearing refugees and a band of forest outlaws who engage them in a grungy, gory battle to the death.  Director Christopher Smith gets the look and feel of this stuff just right, as everything we see seems to have a veneer of filth and despair.
 


Osmund finds himself amongst a group of Christian soldiers who are hardened by killing.  Some of them, like Ulric and his stalwart lieutenant Wolfstan (John Lynch), suffer deep moral conflicts that mirror Osmund's own spiritual uncertainty.  Knowing that these guys are about to go up against an unknown evil that will test their wavering faith in God doesn't bode well for the outcome. 

Reaching the village, they discover it to be a seemingly idyllic plague-free zone presided over by a beautiful blonde woman named Langiva (Carice van Houten) and a large, vaguely friendly man (Tim McInnerny) whose name, "Hob", should set off a warning bell or two.  This is when the suspenseful slow burn of this leisurely-paced film starts to pay off, as the horrible secret of the village is revealed and our heroes face agonizing death. 

Ulric and the rest are severely tested as they are given the choice to deny God or die.  This begins a harrowing sequence which involves a number of nasty demises including hanging and being pulled apart by horses.  The most wrenching decision is faced by Osmund when his love for Averill is used against him in diabolical fashion, setting the stage for a downbeat ending that won't exactly have viewers whistling a happy tune during the closing credits.
 


Director Smith renders all this in an earthy, matter-of-fact style with lots of handheld camera and very little flash.  The cast play their roles with conviction, with Sean Bean his usual lovable self and Eddie Redmayne doing a good job portraying a young monk in the middle of a spiritual crisis he's hardly ready to endure.  As Langiva, Carice van Houten embodies the silkily seductive evil that holds the village in its grip.  Old fave David Warner shows up in a few brief scenes as the abbott of Osmund's monastery. 

The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 2.40:1 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 sound and Spanish subtitles.  A "making of" featurette and cast and crew interviews consist mainly of everyone gushing about how wonderful everyone else is.  Also included are some deleted scenes, behind-the-scenes footage, an HDNet short, a trailer, and an authorization code for obtaining a digital copy of the film.

While I didn't find BLACK DEATH particularly stunning or emotionally effecting, it is a worthy and well-made Gothic horror tale that kept me involved right up to the bleak ending.  Best of all, it gives Sean Bean a chance to be Sean Bean, and that alone makes it worth checking out.

MUAY THAI GIANT -- DVD Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/22/11

 

An odd buffet of kid-friendly comedy, violent crime, and bone-crushing fight action, MUAY THAI GIANT (aka "Somtum", 2008) goes down pretty easy. 

Seven-foot-tall former wrestler Nathan Jones (THE CONDEMNED, THE PROTECTOR) plays Barney Emerald, an Australian tourist stranded in Thailand without money or passport after being mugged.  When Dokya (Sasisa Jindamanee, BORN TO FIGHT) and her adopted sister Katen (Nawarat Techarathanaprasert) are menaced by thugs in an alley, they run to Barney for help, but he turns out to be as meek as a kitten despite his size.

The girls take Barney to their mother's humble cafe' where he is urged to try some of her somtum.  The spicy dish drives him wild and he wrecks the place in a fit of mindless rage.  Vowing to pay for the damages, Barney enters a local fight competition but is a washout.  Kickboxer Dokya is also thwarted when her larger male opponent cheats.  During the fight, pickpocket Katen steals a key from some jewel thieves and our heroes get caught up in a major heist operation with some ruthless characters.  Will Barney conquer his fears and come through for the girls?

As the gentle giant Barney, Nathan Jones is a likable lug who takes to this sort of light comedy pretty well--his early scene with a tiny, curious girl in a police station waiting room is charming--and is convincing enough as a lily-livered lummox.  He seems to enjoy playing the pratfalling oaf who shrinks from violence until his character gets a mouthful of somtum and goes Popeye on the bad guys.  One of the film's funniest moments is a fantasy segment in which he imagines himself earning extra money as a male stripper.



Jones also has great chemistry with the two young female leads, who are exceptional actresses both in the lighter moments and the more dramatic ones.  Nawarat Techarathanaprasert handles the latter with the most feeling, while junior national Muay Thai kickboxing champion Sasisa Jindamanee throws herself into the frenetic fight scenes like an old pro.

Thai action legend Panna Rittikrai, the film's fight coordinator, comes through with a series of clashes that combine slapstick with his trademark hard-hitting style.  Food is a major theme with one fight taking place in a kitchen and involving various cooking utensils as well as some blinding lime juice, with guest star Dan Chupong (ONG BAK series) managing to dice a few vegetables while mopping the floor with various opponents.  Later, Dokya is accosted again by neighborhood thugs in a sidewalk marketplace and gets some help from Kessarin Ektawatkul (CHAI LAI ANGELS, FINAL TARGET) as a papaya vendor who uses her wares as high-speed projectiles. 

Everything leads up to the climactic free-for-all between the good guys and the diamond thieves in a wild mish-mash of Muay Thai, wrestling, and the kind of go-for-broke stunts common to many Thai action films (along with a few instances of realistic gangster-style violence that seem somewhat out of place).  Here we get to see the kind of dazzling stunts and choreography that we're used to seeing from Panna Rittikrai, as the actors and stunt players perform with fearless abandon.
 


Obvious wirework is kept to a minumum and the main emphasis is on sheer physical mayhem and destruction, with Sasisa Jindamanee getting right into the middle of things along with the big boys.  Jones finally gets to show his stuff when a fresh dose of spicy somtum turns him into a rampaging human rhinoceros who takes on a private jet full of escaping bad guys head-on.

The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 1.78:1 widescreen with English and Thai Dolby 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  Extras consist of "making of" and "behind the scenes" featurettes, the international trailer, and trailers from other Magnet releases.

A lightweight comedy that never takes itself too seriously, MUAY THAI GIANT also has its heartfelt moments as well thanks to some appealing performers playing likable characters.  Best of all, it delivers a full order of the kind of action that should leave wrestling and kickboxing fans well satisfied.

ONG BAK 3 -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 2/10/11

Martial arts superstar Tony Jaa and his mentor Panna Rittikrai have collaborated once again to give us ONG BAK 3 (2010), the final film in the trilogy they began in 2003.  While pretty to look at, you have to wait for the fists and feet to start flying before things get really interesting.

Taking place once again in 15th-century Thailand and resuming where the previous film left off, the evil Lord Rajasena (Sarunyu Wongkrajang) has captured Tien (Jaa) and orders every bone in his body broken.  Tien doesn't submit to this quietly, hence the film's first frenetic fight scene which is pretty impressive.  What follows after he's subdued is a gratuitous martyrdom sequence that may remind you of PASSION OF THE CHRIST, especially since Tien is later resurrected after his body is returned to his village. 

In addition to this prolonged execution scene, the subsequent passages showing Tien's agonizing struggle to recover from his injuries and regain his fighting abilities show the tendency of directors Jaa and Rittikrai to overdramatize.  Heavily stylized almost to abstraction, these fever dream-like scenes come at us one after another with a vengeance, striving for one emotional crescendo after another until the viewer is numbed by them.
 

It's almost as though the film itself were a hardnosed drill sergeant relentlessly prodding our emotions along--"FEEL, two, three, four!"--with the grandiose musical score working overtime to drive it all home.  Sometimes this works, but at other times, such as when Tien's beloved Pim (Primorata Dejudom) urgently sings while Tien lurches his way through dance therapy, come off as somewhat goofy.  A later, quieter scene with Pim and a recovering Tien sharing a romantic dance together turns into yet another superficial slow-motion montage of lap-dissolving images rather than a truly meaningful exchange.

Despite all of this, however, ONG BAK 3 turns into a real dynamo whenever the action kicks in. The creepy Crow Ghost, Bhuti Sangkha (Dan Chupong), a supernatural entity who takes on Lord Rajasena in his quest for power, has a ruthless fighting style and plows through scores of opponents with acrobatic abandon.  When he usurps Rajasena's crown and kidnaps the people of Tien's village (including Pim) as slaves, Tien wages a spectacular one-man battle against his guards that ends with a showdown between him and Crow Ghost that pulls out all the stops.

This fight sequence takes place amidst several elephants with the participants coming dangerously close to getting trampled at times.  The huge beasts figure into the action in other surprising ways as well, as stuntmen bounce off of them like rag dolls or swing on their tusks to launch themselves at each other.


You really have to hand it to these fearless Thai stuntmen who literally throw themselves into their work with such reckless abandon--several times I had to rewind and watch certain stunts over again just to make sure I really saw someone do something that dangerous.  With masters of such stunning physical prowess as Jaa and Chupong working with these amazing and dedicated stunt performers, and directors that know how to shoot it all to its best advantage, the thrilling fight sequences are truly a wonder to behold. 

The DVD from Magnolia's "Magnet" label is in 2.35:1 widescreen with Thai and English soundtracks (Dolby 5.1 and 2.0) and English and Spanish subtitles.  Extras consist of the brief featurette "HDNet: A Look at Ong Bak 3" and a trailer.

ONG BAK 3 is extravagantly photographed but rarely reaches the emotional intensity it labors to achieve.  Only when Tony Jaa cranks it up and dazzles us with those famous martial arts moves does the film become as much fun to watch as we want it to be, and when it does, it's riveting.

CHAI LAI ANGELS: DANGEROUS FLOWERS -- DVD Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/9/09

 

 

Judging by the cover art and synopsis, the Thai action-comedy CHAI LAI ANGELS: DANGEROUS FLOWERS (2006) looked so dumb that I expected to have a fun time by not taking it too seriously. After a few minutes, however, it became clear that the only way to enjoy this movie at all is to take it super-duper unseriously, and even then you might have trouble sticking with it to the end.

The story concerns five beautiful (more or less) female agents who live in a mansion, work for a mysterious slob (Petchtai Wongkamlao, ONG-BAK) who sends them on various missions, and are all code-named after flowers. Rose, Lotus, Hibiscus, Pouy-sian, and Spadix are ordered to prevent the Dragon crime syndicate from kidnapping a litle girl named Miki who knows the secret location of an enormous pearl of great value--removal of which from its ocean environment may upset the balance of nature and destroy the ecosystem.

Of course, Miki gets kidnapped and the Chai Lais must spend the rest of the movie trying to get her back while battling the Dragon minions, including a big, prissy transvestite named King Kong and Miki's evil stepmother Mei Ling, who's in on the whole thing. Along the way they encounter a band of super-powerful bounty hunters and an army of what appear to be rejects from the Crazy 88s, while still finding time to fall in love, dance around in skimpy clothes, and look semi-fabulous.

I wasn't sure exactly what the movie's tone was going to be until I started to hear cartoon sound effects during the first kidnapping attempt on a plane. This scene lets us know right off the bat that whenever an action sequence is about to start, all the cameramen suddenly spaz out and start doing the watusi. Rarely have I seen such seriously bad Shaky-Cam, rendering much of what's going on almost incomprehensible and a real headache to try and follow. This occurs in every action scene, which is a major detriment that gives the entire film an overall slapdash quality.

With better direction and choreography, some of this stuff might've been almost spectacular. There's lots of promise to these setpieces, particularly the one in which the Chai Lais are attacked at a beauty spa and must go into battle in the middle of a shopping mall dressed only in towels. A car chase through city traffic has them hanging from a speeding van and leaping from vehicle to vehicle with some impressive stuntwork. Again, however, we're left with dizzying camerawork that turns everything into a kinetic mush.

The fights themselves feature very little actual choreography--they're mainly just a lot of very simple moves edited together. The only person who looks like she's really performing anything of this nature is Miki, who proves quite a handful to her captors. Her fight against a mob of bad guys is pretty funny, especially when some over-the-top wirework has her leaping over their heads and spin-kicking them all into dreamland like a top.

There are the occasional seriocomic romantic interludes thrown in here and there, mainly between Rose and her boyfriend Gus. Her job as a Chai Lai Angel will become a sticking point in their marriage plans, especially after the Dragons capture him to use as a hostage. This subplot provides the film with one of its few really serious moments. Hibiscus, who's cute and shy even though their boss says she has a "hillbilly face", finds herself the object of affection from a handsome young cop who gets involved in the whole mess.

The level of humor varies wildly between occasionally clever parody of films such as CHARLIE'S ANGELS and the kind of live-action superhero stuff Filmation used to do on Saturday mornings, with generous dollops of Adam West-style "Batman" silliness mixed in. SCTV's Johnny LaRue seems to be behind some of the more girlie-show sequences such as Rose's underwear bedroom dance to the film's theme song. Lotus' club dance inside a big plastic ball is also way hot, and of course the girls end up in bikinis before it's over.

Some of the slapstick becomes quite violent as King Kong gets shot, loses body parts, and gets squirted in the face with his own blood, all for comic effect. A late character in the film, King Kong's dimwitted, severely crosseyed protege, ends up shooting him every time she aims at someone else. She and Miki, who's such an effective fighter that she eventually joins the Chai Lais herself, are probably the funniest characters in the film.

The DVD from Magnolia's Magnet label is in 1.78:1 widescreen with Dolby 5.1. You can listen to the original Thai soundtrack with English or Spanish subtitles, or an English dub. Extras include about fifteen minutes of cast interviews, two "Spice Girls"-style music videos, and an international trailer.

CHAI LAI ANGELS: DANGEROUS FLOWERS is a loud, colorful mess of a movie that is lighthearted dumb fun one minute and cheap-looking tedium the next. It's loaded with action, but it's so poorly shot that you might go crosseyed yourself trying to focus on what's going on. And it's so cartoonish at times that it almost makes CHARLIE'S ANGELS look like CASINO ROYALE.