SANTA FE STAMPEDE -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/14/21

 

Currently watching: SANTA FE STAMPEDE (1938), starring John Wayne, Max Terhune, and Ray "Crash" Corrigan as "The 3 Mesquiteers."

This horse opera is no better or worse than a lot of Duke's "B" westerns from the 30s, which means it's mildly enjoyable while also being wholly unremarkable.  

(I won't mention the fact that there aren't even any cattle in the movie, and thus no titular "stampede.")

 

The plot is the usual stuff about a town bigwig with a sinister plot to make a bundle of easy money at the expense of innocent townsfolk, with Duke getting wrongly accused of murder in the bargain.

The thing that sets it apart is that something happens midway through that's so shocking, and such a horrific downer, that it casts a pall of tragedy over the rest of the film from which it never recovers.

It's so bad, in fact, that seeing the main villain get punched unconscious by our hero at the end doesn't even begin to give us the vengeance we crave.

 

Nor does the traditional weak bit of comedy relief at the fadeout seem in any way appropriate for characters who should still be in a state of profound grief and outrage.

Probably the most noteworthy thing about it is that only a scant year later, John Wayne would finally become a major Hollywood star in John Ford's classic STAGECOACH.

But just as the horrific passenger plane crash in DIE HARD 2 lingered over that film's attempts at a feelgood ending, SANTA FE STAMPEDE's mid-film shocker plunges a hot branding iron through its modest enjoyment value.

THE PEANUT BUTTER SOLUTION -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 12/17/19

 

Imagine one of those ABC After School Specials in which the scripter slowly went insane during the process of writing it. If you can picture that, you'll have a pretty good idea of what it's like to watch the 1985 Canadian children's film THE PEANUT BUTTER SOLUTION (Severin Kids).

Michael (Mathew Mackay, LITTLE MEN, THE BOOK OF EVE) is a normal kid who likes to play soccer, and his sister Suzie (Alison Podbrey, THE SUM OF ALL FEARS) is struggling to take over the "Mom" role in the family while their real mom is away. Meanwhile, their eccentric dad Billy (Michael Hogan) is a successful painter working in the attic studio of their home.

When a nearly abandoned house burns, killing some homeless people trapped inside, Michael and his friend Conrad "Connie" Wong (Siluk Saysanasy of "Degrassi High" in a wonderfully likable performance) decide to explore it.

But when Michael goes inside, he sees something so frightening that, after a close-up in which he resembles a pint-sized Yahoo Serious, he goes into shock and then loses all of his hair, turning completely bald. 

So far, this is just like any other kids' show you might've tuned in to watch after school back in the 80s, and it might've even had Scott Baio in it. But when the ghosts of two dead "winos" appear to Michael in the dead of night and share with him a secret formula for restoring his hair (one involving, as you might guess, peanut butter), then that's when we fear the writer has started going progressively coo-coo.

Actually, a group of writers worked on the script, which takes us through Michael's painful first day back at school as a "baldy", effectively portraying a kind of emotional turmoil that most kids can identify with. His family and faithful friend Connie are shown trying to comfort the stricken lad, each in his or her quirky way, but to no avail.

Then Michael becomes even more of a freakish outsider when, after using too much peanut butter in the solution, his hair begins to grow at an alarming rate--several feet per hour, in fact--which is depicted in such bizarre terms that the film begins to take on much the same feel as iconic surrealist Fernando Arrabal's only children's film, THE EMPEROR OF PERU.

(I'm not even going to mention that part where Connie tries out the hair-growing solution on his...err, never mind. Suffice it to say, it's something you don't expect in your standard kids' film.)

With six feet or so of hair trailing behind him, Michael can't even walk to school without the wind twisting his flowing mane around a nearby hedge. It's here that he is kidnapped by the villain of the story, taken to a hidden location where there are several other recently abducted children, and made part of an insidious plot that's like something out of Ian Fleming during a flush of fevered imagination.

The story by this time has made a determined foray right into mind-bending fantasy territory to such an extent that it should delight both children and likeminded adults.

This involves magical paintings that one can enter, rendered with magical paintbrushes made from human hair (guess whose), and is all presided over by Michel Maillot as the delightfully sinister Signor Sergio, a frustrated artist recently fired from his teaching position at Michael's school for being, well, too damn weird.

Mathew Mackay and Alison Podbrey do a fine job as a relatably normal brother and sister, while Siluk Saysanasy often steals the show as Connie. Connie's own little sister Mai Ling (cute-as-a-button Nadka Takahataki) shows up as one of the kidnapped children.  The adult members of the cast are equally good, with special honors going to Maillot as The Signor.

Severin Films' new kids label, Severin Kids, is well-served by this good-looking entry which is both subtitled and closed-captioned with mono English sound.  Severin's usual well-stocked bonus menu includes an extended U.S. theatrical release version with extra footage, an easygoing commentary with producer Rock Demers and actor Mathew Mackay, a seperate interview with Demers, an interview with Siluck Saysanasy, a look at Canadian kids' films, and both Canadian and U.S. trailers. The Blu-ray's cover art is reversible.

THE PEANUT BUTTER SOLUTION is just the sort of kids' entertainment that places young viewers into a recognizable environment before taking a wondrously entrancing detour into the surreal.  I wish I'd been able to see it as a child, although my current inner child had a fantastic time.

Special Features:

    Extended U.S. Theatrical Release Version
    New Commentary with Producer Rock Demers and Actor Matthew MacKay, Moderated by Filmmaker Ara Ball
    Human Beings Are The Same All Over: An Interview with Producer Rock Demers
    Conrad’s Peanut Butter Solution: An Interview with Siluck Saysanasy
    Tales for All: Paul Corupe on Rock Demers and the Canadian Kids Film
    Canadian Trailer
    Original U.S. Trailer
    Reversible cover

Alternate cover art:

AFTER.LIFE -- DVD review by porfle

 

Originally posted on 8/10/10

 

After a promising start, AFTER.LIFE (2009) gradually starts to resemble its protagonist--you're never really sure if it's alive or dead.

Christina Ricci is ideally cast as a grade school teacher named Anna Taylor, whose unhappy past makes it hard for her to love or accept love from others.  This gums up her relationship with fiance' wannabe Paul (Justin Long), and after a senseless argument Anna drives off into the rain and has a bad crack-up.  But instead of waking up in a hospital, Anna finds herself lying on a slab in a funeral home, whose creepy director, Eliot Deacon (Liam Neeson) tells her she's dead and that he will now guide her into the afterlife.

This is director Agnieszka Wojtowicz-Vosloo's feature debut, and her film is beautifully photographed.  There's a formal composition in some shots that reminded me of Kubrick, and she creates a strong Gothic atmosphere inside that gloomy, spacious funeral home.  She also makes the most visually of her leading lady (whose "Wednesday Addams" vibe remains undiminished), framing and posing her with an artist's eye as the camera lingers over her fascinating face and often-nude form.

But what could've been a deliriously dark chiller along the lines of PHANTASM, with a dollop of DEAD AND BURIED's autumnal morbidness thrown in, never really establishes a compelling mood or manages the kind of scares that it tries so hard to deliver.  The mystery of whether or not Anna is really dead loses steam when the film begins to drag about halfway through and can't decide if her predicament is supernatural or merely part of the deranged Deacon's bizarre fantasy world.
 

Some of the curiously ineffective horror scenes end with a character waking up as though it were all a nightmare, while other unexplained occurrences, such as a bobble-head doll whose gaze seems to follow Paul and other inanimate objects behaving strangely, appear to be real.  In some films, depending on how it's handled, such ambiguity might actually be effective, but here, it feels indecisive and misleading. 

Ricci does her best to sell it all as no one else could and is both convincing and fun to watch.  (Seeing her naked for about a third of the film definitely doesn't hurt.)  Neeson is a bland boogeyman and is pretty much the same throughout the film, never developing into the figure of fright that he might have--in other words, he's no Angus Scrimm.  As the haunted boyfriend Paul, who's convinced that Anna's still alive although nobody believes him, Justin Long is just bland.  I like him in films such as GALAXY QUEST and LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD, but here he seems miscast.

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 2.40:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 surround.  Subtitles are in English and Spanish.  Extras include a director's commentary, a making-of featurette, and a trailer.  One curious thing about director Wojtowicz-Vosloo's comments on the film is her mention of various visual "clues" a la THE SIXTH SENSE, which is odd since the two films are nothing alike.  The latter has a clearly-defined game plan for the viewer to play by, while this one's pretty much all over the place.

Probably the most disturbing thing about AFTER.LIFE is Deacon's wall filled with Polaroids of the people he's ushered into the next world.  All are lying in coffins, but while some are clearly dead, others are wide-eyed, immobile, and aware.  Being buried alive is a potent fear for horror films to exploit, but this one doesn't seem real enough to make us feel as though it's actually happening.  By the time we've hashed over all the inconsistencies of the story and have sorta decided whether or not it's all just somebody's nightmare, it's too late to feel much about it.

SHARKTOPUS -- DVD review by porfle

 

Originally posted on 3/3/11

 

"Dumb" has a new name, and that name is SHARKTOPUS (2010).  This highly-rated SyFy Original Movie, produced by legendary filmmaker Roger Corman and his wife Julie, will either make you giddy with bad-movie excitement or leave you utterly stupified.  Maybe even both.

After the success of DINOSHARK, SyFy contacted Corman about doing this film as a follow-up.  As he relates in the commentary, he initially turned it down because, while "dinosharks" might conceivably have existed in prehistoric times, the idea of a half-shark, half-octopus just seemed a little too farfetched.  (Unlike, say, giant crab monsters.)  He eventually gave in, on the condition that the creature be a product of genetic engineering rather than a freak of nature. 

Thus, we have scientist Nathan Sands (Eric Roberts) and his daughter Nicole (Sara Malakul Lane), whom he affectionately refers to as "Pumpkin", creating the dreaded Sharktopus for the military.  Pumpkin naively hopes Sharktopus will be used for good, but her sneaky dad has designed it to be a ruthless killing machine, which it demonstrates when its electronic restraints are damaged during a test and it starts eating people all up and down the coast of scenic Puerto Vallarta.  With the Navy breathing down his back, Sands hires fun-loving aquatic mercenary Andy Flynn (Kerem Bursin) to reel the big fish in and bring it back alive.
 


With this set-up quickly established, the film now treats us to an endless series of Sharktopus attacks with lots of tourists getting snared by the creature's tentacles right there on the shore and dragged into its toothy maw.  Several of these kills begin with an establishing montage of festive beach images and ample footage of bikini-clad babes cavorting around like monster appetizers.  When Sharktopus suddenly appears, the various bit players must then hop around screaming as the SPFX guys wrap bad-CGI tentacles around them and make with the spewing digital blood. 

The big, cartoony shark head which pops out of the water to chow down on them is highly effective--at generating laughs.  Seeing the entire mismatched monstrosity perched on a guardrail or the roof of a bamboo hut in all its writhing, snarling glory, treating the fleeing humans like a sushi buffet, is a sight you won't soon forget.  Special mention goes to the bunjee-jumping scene, which Corman tells us got the biggest response from audiences and is one of the movie's few genuinely effective moments.  (Roger and Julie's daughter guest-stars as the bouncing bait.)



With few exceptions, the performances range from awful to not-really-trying.  Mostly the actors just seem anxious to knock off their scenes and get back to partying in Puerta Vallarta.  Blake Lindsey isn't bad as Pez, a fisherman who leads TV newswoman Stacy Everheart (Liv Boughn) and her dopey cameraman Bones (Héctor Jiménez, who played Lonnie Donaho in GENTLEMEN BRONCOS) to wherever Sharktopus is likely to appear next.  As a pirate radio DJ, Ralph Garman of "The Joe Schmo Show" seems to be having fun.  Bursin and Lane make a dull main couple as Flynn and Pumpkin and could probably use a few more acting lessons. 

As for Eric Roberts, he's one of my favorite actors and I'd watch him in anything, which is fitting since these days it looks like he'll show up in anything.   Going from THE DARK KNIGHT to this must've been like falling out of a yacht into a swamp.  (Look for Roger Corman himself in a cameo as a beach bum.)



On a technical level, SHARKTOPUS is slapdash at best.  Things like camerawork, editing, and scene transitions are a dizzying jumble of ineptitude, while the subpar direction makes it hard to believe Declan O'Brien is the same guy who did such a solid job with WRONG TURN 3: LEFT FOR DEAD. 

The script, which seems to have been written on a Big Chief tablet, obviously doesn't take itself very seriously, as when Flynn offers this warning to the patrons of an open-air restaurant by the beach: "Excuse me, everyone.  There's a killer shark-octopus hybrid headed this way.  Please leave the marina in a timely fashion."  The thing is, movies like this are funnier when they aren't trying to be, so the scenes that actually mean to shock or excite us invariably provoke the most giggles. 

The DVD from Anchor Bay is in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen with Dolby Digital 5.1 sound and subtitles in English and Spanish.  Extras include a commentary with Roger and Julie Corman plus the film's trailer. 

Any movie containing Eric Roberts, bikini babes, extras doing the imaginary-tentacle-tango, the guy who played Lonnie Donaho in GENTLEMEN BRONCOS, and one of the dumbest monsters in film history can't be all bad.  And SHARKTOPUS doesn't let up for a minute--it keeps assaulting us with undiluted stupid during its entire running time.  That's a claim some of this year's Best Picture nominees can't even make.

BEACH PARTY (1963) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

 

Originally posted on 5/16/21

 

Currently watching: I bought a DVD set with 8 of the original Frankie and Annette movies so I could relive a fun part of my childhood, and the first movie on the menu tonight is the one that started it all, BEACH PARTY (1963). 

 

Just this once, the two stars aren't Frankie and Annette, but grown-ups Bob Cummings and Dorothy Malone. 

 

Bob plays an eccentric bearded anthropologist studying teenage behavior and its similarities to the pagan rituals of primitive tribes, with Dorothy as his gorgeous female companion. 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, Frankie's miffed that Annette won't fool around until marriage so he tries to make her jealous by getting cozy with the statuesque Eva Six. 

 

Annette retaliates by making moves on straight-laced Bob and helping him shed his square ways and get more into the groove.

 

Regular cast members John Ashley, hip-shaking Candy Johnson, and functioning moron Deadhead (Jody McCrea) are introduced, as are Harvey Lembeck as cycle stupe Eric Von Zipper and his loyal gang of idiots.

 

 

 

Morey Amsterdam plays an aging hipster, and even Vincent Price pops in for a cameo as "Big Daddy." Dick Dale and the Del Tones are on hand for some surf music, while Frankie and Annette take turns crooning a few sappy love songs.

 

BEACH PARTY's plot is pretty thin but that doesn't matter, since the purpose of this breezy comedy is to have a good time, ogle some bikini babes and/or beach hunks, groan at a lot of bad gags, and forget your troubles for an hour and a half.

 

 

CIRCUS WORLD -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 4/12/21

 

 

Currently watching: CIRCUS WORLD (1964) with John Wayne, Claudia Cardinale, and Rita Hayworth. Also with Lloyd Nolan, Richard Conte, and John Smith of the TV western "Laramie."

 

Henry Hathaway (TRUE GRIT, THE SONS OF KATIE ELDER) directed this departure from Duke's usual western adventures, although the rugged star still sports his trademark cowboy hat and inimitable swagger.

 

This time, however, his "Matt Masters" character is a circus owner whose dreams of touring Europe are dashed when the ship carrying his entire enterprise (animals, people, and equipment) all but capsizes in a Barcelona harbor.

 

 

After a slow start, this shockingly sudden sequence, which occurs early in the film, is both jarring and breathtakingly spectacular, using a full-scale ship mock-up that rivals the one constructed by James Cameron for "Titanic." 

 

Several minutes after this impressive spectacle gave way to Masters and his young partner Steve (John Smith) beginning the long, arduous task of putting another circus together, I was still breathless from that thrilling maritime disaster.

 

The middle part of the film is practically sedate in comparison, settling into an ensemble comedy/drama that focuses on young Claudia Cardinale's aspiring circus performer Toni, her budding romance with Steve, and a very serious subplot about her estranged mother Lili, played wonderfully by veteran actress Rita Hayworth.

 

 

 

The interplay between the various characters isn't as effortlessly light or involving as Howard Hawks managed in Duke's previous adventure "Hatari!", although the script, whose writers included Nicholas Ray, Ben Hecht, and James Edward Grant, mercifully avoids most of the usual circus story cliches. 

 

It's fun watching Duke and the gang rebuild their finances by working in a wild west show for European audiences, and seeing how he wrangles a circus as opposed to a cattle ranch or lawless town. 

 

Old standbys Nolan and Conte help keep things real while an appealing young Cardinale adds spark to her scenes four years before she would attain screen immortality as "Jill McBain" in Sergio Leone's classic western "Once Upon A Time In The West."

 

 

 

Best of all, though, is a more mature Rita Hayworth bringing her considerable presence to bear as her character reenters the performing world while desperately trying to mend the rift between her and her daughter Toni. 

 

But just as the film caught fire early on during the shipwreck sequence, an equally spectacular finale gives us nothing less than a raging inferno which threatens to burn down the entire bigtop and everything in it on the very day of the new circus' debut, and again an otherwise unremarkable film is transformed into a thrilling nailbiter that had me on the edge of my seat. 

 

It's these two bookend scenes that make CIRCUS WORLD a must-see for John Wayne fans. But while everything in-between comes off as relatively pedestrian, it's still a pleasure to spend time with these actors and their likable characters.

 

INNERSPACE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 7/30/15

 

If you've ever seen FANTASTIC VOYAGE (1966), you know that piloting a tiny miniaturized submarine around inside a human body is serious business. Surprisingly, though, there can be a funny side to the whole thing as well, which director Joe Dante (GREMLINS, THE HOWLING) explores in his frenetic 1987 sci-fi comedy INNERSPACE.

It's not a raucous laugh riot exactly, and I only guffawed out loud a few times, but darn if it isn't just a lot of fun to watch. This is mainly because of a well-balanced blend of sci-fi action and excitement with the wild, improvisatory comedy stylings of funnyman Martin Short, he of the classic run of "SCTV" episodes on NBC-TV and Cinemax back in the 80s. (Two of his fellow SCTV alums, Joe Flaherty and Andrea Martin, have a welcome cameo in one early scene.)

The story begins with military burn-out Lt. Tuck Pendleton (Dennis Quaid) messing up his relationships with both Uncle Sam and girlfriend Lydia (Meg Ryan during an especially cute phase in her life) in two fell swoops. Quaid is like a burn-out version of his cocky test pilot character in THE RIGHT STUFF, down on his luck and needing something drastic--like volunteering for a highly dangerous experimental project--to un-wreck his military career.

The project turns out to involve shrinking him and his tiny one-man sub to microscopic size and injecting him into the bloodstream a live rabbit, which seems entirely reasonable to Tuck until--following a cool shrinking sequence--the experiment is interrupted by a gang of industrial thieves which include sexy mean lady Fiona Lewis (DEAD KIDS, THE FURY) and Vernon Wells, the guy who played "Wez" in THE ROAD WARRIOR and is here a nattily-dressed hit man with a robot gun-hand (literally) and a sweet tooth for killin' folks.

Long story short, microscopic Tuck gets injected not into the rabbit but into the left butt cheek of neurotic Safeway checkout clerk Jack Putter (Martin Short), who's already so nervous that he's under doctor's orders to take a long, unexciting vacation. Suddenly, however, he's got a tiny guy named Tuck zipping around in his bloodstream and some very bad and violent people coming after him at every turn.

The result, as you might guess, is a succession of suspenseful chases, furious fights, and other close calls, with Tuck serving as Jack's "inner voice" and directing his actions while at the same time having his own difficulties navigating through Jack's overstimulated circulatory system and, in one scene, dangling precipitously over an ocean of roiling stomach acids.

Of course we all know that during the course of this high-spirited adventure Tuck will perform valiantly and get his old "mojo" back, and that Short's nerdly character will come through it all a hero as well and maybe even win over his fellow Safeway employee Wendy (Wendy Schaal) for whom he has the unrequited hots. And also that Tuck will get back together with Lydia after she helps him and Jack defeat the bad guys.

Unless, that is, you think there's a chance that they'll all get killed and the bad guys will win, and that INNERSPACE will have one of those horrible downer endings like THE PARALLAX VIEW or EDEN LAKE or something, in which case I guess it will be even more suspenseful for you because you really won't know what's going to happen next, so I guess that's okay.

At any rate, there are two levels of action here--what's going on with Quaid in "innerspace", and how nebbishy Short is handling his sudden plunge into danger and intrigue in the regular-sized world. Both are exciting enough while maintaining the right amount of comedy, especially with Short's seemingly limitless skills in that area. This is true even though he's downplaying much of his usual manic intensity here in order to keep his "normal guy" character on a semi-believable level. (Although he does get to do something resembling his celebrated "Ed Grimley" dance.)

Short, as many of us know, ushered in SCTV's greatest era as a comedy troup with his awesome (and woefully underappreciated) talents, and probably did much the same for SNL except I had stopped watching the show by that time. (The one-two punch of Joe Piscopo and Billy Crystal sorta killed it for me.) Given a good opportunity to do his magic, Short is a brilliant comic performer and proves it here yet again.

Visually, INNERSPACE is a wonderfully nostalgic look at how SPFX artists used to handle stuff like this before they could simply whip it all up digitally. Which means, for me, that all the shots of Quaid's craft zipping through Short's internal organs and circulatory system look way more interesting than they would if this were a CGI fest. Credit for this belongs, for the most part, to such familiar names as Dennis Muren, Rob Bottin, and the gang at Industrial Light and Magic.

Further nostalgia comes from a wonderful cast filled with B-movie greats, cult stars, and other recognizable faces that may have some viewers agog the whole time. Kenneth Tobey has a funny line during a men's room scene with Short. Rance Howard and Looney Tunes superstar Chuck Jones are in the periphery during a tense scene in Safeway between Short and the legendary Kathleen Freeman. Dick Miller, William Schallert, Orson Bean, Henry Gibson, Kevin Hooks, and Archie Hahn also turn up here and there.

In more substantial roles are Robert Picardo (THE HOWLING, "Star Trek: Voyager") as international stolen goods dealer "The Cowboy" and beloved INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS star Kevin McCarthy in a hilarious turn as Victor Eugene Scrimshaw, the eccentric millionaire who wants the secret of the shrinking machine for himself.

The Blu-ray from Warner Home Video is in 16x9 widescreen with Dolby 5.1 English audio and 2.0 French and Spanish audio. Subtitles are in English, French, and Spanish. Extras consist of a trailer and an entertaining commentary track with director Joe Dante, producer Michael Finnell, costars Kevin McCarthy and Robert Picardo and visual FX supervisor Dennis Muren.

INNERSPACE is that rare sci-fi comedy where both the comedy and the sci-fi are well-served. It's also the ultimate "buddy" flick. But mainly, it's a case of director Joe Dante and his marvelous cast seemingly having a ball making a movie, and it's infectious.

Buy it at the WBShop.com
Street date: Aug. 4, 2015
Stills used are not taken from Blu-ray

BEACH BLANKET BINGO (1965) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 5/20/21

 

Currently watching: BEACH BLANKET BINGO (1965), the fourth--and arguably one of the best--of American-International's "Beach Party" series.

Anyway, it has what is probably the catchiest theme song, sung with gusto by Frankie, Annette, and the gang over some bouncy opening titles.

All the usual ingredients are here: vacationing teens having a ball at the beach, lovebirds Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello having a tiff and making each other jealous by flirting with others, an opportunistic adult trying to make a buck off them all (and played by a well-known older actor), cycle stupes Eric Von Zipper (Harvey Lembeck) and his gang, lots of mostly bad songs, and a whole lotta slapstick nonsense.

 

 

This time, legendary comedian Paul Lynde (with whom director William Asher would later work on the TV series "Bewitched" along with Asher's wife Elizabeth Montgomery) is the greedy manager of future "Big Valley" star Linda Evans as teen singing sensation Sugar Kane, who performs a couple of bland songs.

Deborah Walley hits the beach at last as Bonnie, Sugar's skydiving stand-in during a publicity stunt, with regular John Ashley's "Johnny" character rebooted as her jealous pilot, now named "Steve." (Deborah and John would later marry in real life.) This leads to a whole subplot about Frankie and Annette competing to see who can learn to be the better skydiver.

From this comes a surprisingly jarring bit of real-world intrigue when Deborah puts the moves on Frankie while airborne and then, upon his refusal to comply, rips her blouse and threatens to accuse him of attempted rape when they land. 

 

 

 
Whoa, Nelly! Good thing Annette knows Frankie too well to fall for such a lowdown ruse, but yikes...this goes way beyond the usual teen hijinks and into genuine "fatal attraction" stuff.

The best subplot involves Jody McCrea, whose "Deadhead" character has been upgraded to "Bonehead." While helping to rescue Sugar after her pretend skydive into the ocean, he encounters a beautiful mermaid named Lorelei (played by future "Lost In Space" star Marta Kristen) and they fall in love.

Nobody will believe his claim to have met a mermaid, and their tentative romance proves both charming and genuinely heart-tugging, with Marta a winning mermaid and Jody getting to do something besides be a total blithering moron for a change.

Screen legend Buster Keaton makes his first appearance in a beach movie, along with gorgeous sidekick Bobbie Shaw as Swedish knockout "Bobbi." Despite his advanced age, The Great Stone Face still proves game enough to provide a couple of his trademark pratfalls. 

 

 

Don Rickles goes from "Big Drag" to "Big Drop" to reflect his new role as a skydiving instructor as well as owner of the club where the kids hang out and listen to The Hondells. Timothy Carey returns to up the creep factor (as only he can) as unsavory bad guy "South Dakota Slim."

Naturally, biker boob Eric Von Zipper (Harvey Lembeck) eventually blows in with his army of stupids to disrupt everything by kidnapping Sugar and setting into motion an even more chaotic and cartoony chase scene than the last one, ending with Sugar tied to a log that's headed for a buzzsaw, "Perils of Pauline" style. He also manages to give himself "the finger" (a lingering holdover from the first film) a time or two as well.

By this time, the "beach party" series was on the verge of winding down and American-International would start putting its stars into different variations of it (such as "Ski Party" and "Fireball 500"). But with BEACH BLANKET BINGO we're still riding the crest of the wave along with Frankie, Annette, and the gang, and it's still just as much dumb fun as ever.

PAJAMA PARTY (1964) -- Movie Review by Porfle

 

Originally posted on 6/7/21

 

Currently rewatching: If you ever wondered what a cinematic insane asylum would look like, search no farther than PAJAMA PARTY (1964).  

The fourth entry in American-International's "Beach Party" series, it takes everything from the previous films, adds a bunch of bad-sitcom-level situations, strips away any logic, dignity, and sense it may have had, and dumps it all in an industrial-strength cuisinart with no lid.

This time, the beach is barely an afterthought--we get a couple of scenes of our youthful protagonists cavorting in the sand, playing volleyball, dancing along with a dynamic young Toni Basil (who would spend the rest of the 60s in such films as VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS and EASY RIDER), and grooving to the poppy song stylings of Donna Loren.

 

After that, the gang hang out around the swimming pool of a big old mansion belonging to Aunt Wendy (Elsa Lanchester, the BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN herself) and getting ready for the big titular (so to speak) pajama party.

The mansion next door, as it turns out, houses con man J. Sinister Hulk (Jesse White, known to most boomers as the Maytag repairman) and his henchpersons Buster Keaton (as wacky Indian, Chief Rotten Eagle), gorgeous Bobbi Shaw in her trademark fur-lined gold lame' bikini, and a simpering toady named Fleegle (Ben Lessy), who are scheming to steal a hidden fortune in cash from their neighbor, Aunt Wendy.

But as if that weren't enough, Tommy Kirk (VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS, IT'S A BIKINI WORLD) stars as Go Go, a Martian sent to Earth to scout things out in preparation for an invasion. As fate would have it, he not only starts to like the life of an Earth teen, but also falls head over heels for everyone's beach bunny sweetheart, Annette. 

 

Still hanging in there from the first three films are motorcycle gang the Rats, led by the vain but totally incompetent Eric Von Zipper (Harvey Lembeck), who still can't stand the idea of these surf bums invading their beach or its environs. If you thought they were funny before, you'll continue to enjoy their usual antics and wait expectantly for Lembeck to utter his immortal line: "Why me? Why me all the time?"

If that sounds like a lot of plot for a simple teen movie, it is. Everything is dumped into a pot to boil with the various plotlines bubbling randomly to the surface, with editing that looks like film footage was chopped into pieces, tossed like a salad, and then stuck together by a nearsighted chimp.

All of which is to say that PAJAMA PARTY should appeal to those who enjoyed the undiluted silliness of the first three films but were put off by the occasional brief moments of sanity. Here, the constant clash between all the doggedly farcical plotlines results in an epic concentration of pure cinematic stupid that assails the viewer with an exhilarating abandon.

 

This includes what may be the wackiest chase sequence in the entire series--and that's saying a lot--which includes, of course, Von Zipper and his gang. The result is something that makes Looney Toons look like British drawing room drama. A few minutes in, and I'd forgotten who was chasing whom, and why, and it didn't matter.

The final segment of the film depicts what happens when poolside pajama party, bungling burglary, and impending invasion from Mars all come together to the music of generic rock 'n' roll band The Nooney Rickett Four. The Rats show up (naturally) in red long johns, just in time to engage the pajama set in a riotous free-for-all brawl that's mostly in fast-motion with lots of cartoon sound effects.

Many of the familiar background players (such as dancing dervish Candy Johnson) are back, with the addition of the aforementioned Toni Basil and future comedy legend Teri Garr. The highlight of the film for me is the presence of the incomparable Susan Hart in various states of...well, being Susan Hart. (Just for the record, she looks better in a red nightie than anybody else, ever.)

 

 

Hollywood icon Dorothy Lamour gets to sing one of the film's many awful songs, while Don Rickles and a certain young teen idol we all know and love appear in cameos as Martians.

Oddly, the returning stars play completely different characters than before. Annette is no longer "Dee Dee" but is now "Connie", and Jody McCrea, previously known as "Deadhead", is now Connie's beefcake boyfriend, "Big Lunk", who is so obsessed with volleyball that he drives Connie into the arms of neophyte Earth visitor Tommy Kirk.

It's difficult for mere words to convey just how...well, stupid all of this is. It's actually quite a staggering achievement in stupid, one which I found impressive even as I winced and cringed my way through it. Granted, I love this kind of stuff. But to watch PAJAMA PARTY is to gorge one's self on pure, concentrated stupid the way you might eat an entire gooey cheesecake with a spoon in one sitting. 

SO SWEET...SO PERVERSE -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

 Originally posted on 7/22/20

 

(SO SWEET...SO PERVERSE is part of the "Lenzi/Baker 4-Volume Blu-ray Collection" which also includes ORGASMO, A QUIET PLACE TO KILL, and KNIFE OF ICE.)


Another sumptuous entry in the late 60s 4-film collaboration between Italian director Umberto Lenzi (EATEN ALIVE) and exalted Hollywood actress Carroll Baker, SO SWEET, SO PERVERSE (Severin Films, 1969) takes us to Paris for a giallo tale of dangerous romance and deadly revenge that lives up to its title.

The first half of the story is standard romantic intrigue of the kind that gives the rich and famous something exciting to occupy their time. Wealthy businessman Jean (Jean-Louis Trintignant) is a man's man but endures a loveless marriage with cold fish Danielle (Erika Blanc) until he's driven into the arms of the beautiful but haunted Nicole (Carroll Baker), who just moved into the penthouse suite above their Victorian apartment building.

It's the stuff of naughty pulp romance fiction, as unhappily-married Jean's dalliance with alluring Nicole plays out amidst lavish playgrounds of the wealthy even as her constant fear of violent stalker Klaus (Horst Frank) remains forever between them.

The plot kicks into gear when Jean discovers that Klaus has actually been hired to kill him by person(s) unknown, with Nicole as the unwilling bait in the trap.

Now it's a matter of Jean and Nicole working together to foil the murder plot while finding out who's behind it. Is it Danielle, or is it someone we've yet to meet or suspect?

It all sounds rather predictable, but director Lenzi isn't done yet because there are better and more shocking plot twists to come. This makes the film increasingly involving and suspenseful as it strings us along, not knowing what's going on or who to trust, and at times even unsure who's dead and who's alive.

Dynamic direction and editing create a pleasing visual flow that makes Lenzi's films easy to watch.  As with his previous Baker starrer ORGASMO, production values are fairly lavish and there are some great found locations including that beautiful old apartment building with its cast-iron elevator and winding stairs. Other locations such as the sun-blanched French seaside and the bustling Parisian cityscapes are eye-pleasing.

Jean-Louis Trintignant (THE GREAT SILENCE) makes a likable hero as Jean, while the redoubtable Carroll Baker as Nicole can't help but captivate even in a role that doesn't really stretch her considerable talents all that much.

Needless to say, she attracts attention every moment she's on the screen, especially during her brief nude scenes. Horst Frank as the vile Klaus and Erika Blanc as pathetic Danielle also acquit themselves well.

The 2-disc Blu-ray from Severin Films features a fine-looking print that's fully restored in a new 2k scan from the original negative. Audio is in both Italian and English mono, with English subtitles.

The 2nd disc is a CD containing the musical scores of this and another Lenzi film, A QUIET PLACE TO KILL, as well as the main theme for another of his giallo films KNIFE OF ICE. The usual generous bonus menu contains extras listed below.

More of a dark romantic thriller than the typical bloody, knife-edged giallo (only one stabbing and it's off-camera), SO SWEET...SO PERVERSE keeps us interested thanks to a fine cast and engaging plot that pulls a few nasty but nice surprises on us. And as always, any chance to watch the divine Carroll Baker in action is its own reward.



Disc Specs for So Sweet… So Perverse:

    Aspect ratio: 2.35:1
    Audio: Italian mono DTS, English mono DTS
    Subtitles: Subtitles for Italian audio / SDH for English audio
    Region FREE

Special Features for So Sweet… So Perverse:

    Audio Commentary with Kat Ellinger, Author of ‘All The Colors Of Sergio Martino’
    Lenzi’s Lenses: Backstage Chat with the Director at The 1999 Nocturno Film Festival
    Equilateral Triangle: Screenwriter Ernesto Gastaldi on Lenzi
    Trailers
    Alternate Credit Sequence
    BONUS CD: So Sweet… So Perverse & A Quiet Place To Kill Remastered Soundtracks Plus Bonus Track: Knife Of Ice (Main Title Theme)

A QUIET PLACE TO KILL -- Blu-ray Review by Porfle

Originally posted on 7/23/20

 

(A QUIET PLACE TO KILL is part of Severin's "Lenzi/Baker 4-Volume Blu-ray Collection" which also includes ORGASMO, SO SWEET...SO PERVERSE, and KNIFE OF ICE.)

You know you've hitched a ride on a fun movie when A QUIET PLACE TO KILL, aka "Paranoia" (Severin Films, 1970) opens with a scene as cool as Hollywood legend Carroll Baker (BABY DOLL, THE CARPETBAGGERS, HARLOW) casually donning a crash helmet and hopping into her souped-up racecar for a few high octane laps around the track.

Director Umberto Lenzi, who also directed Carroll in ORGASMO, SO SWEET...SO PERVERSE, and KNIFE OF ICE, seems to be having fun himself at the helm of this light, colorful giallo that breezes through some of the most outlandish plot twists that a decadent cast of wealthy sophisticates could get themselves into on the scenic seacoast of Spain.

The divine Miss Baker plays Helen, whose unfortunate racecar crack-up lands her in the hospital. There, she gets an invitation to convalesce at her ex-husband Maurice's oceanfront villa.

Despite the fact that she tried to kill the handsome but difficult young cad before their divorce, Helen motors her way there only to discover that Maurice has since gotten remarried to Constance, who was, in fact, the one who sent Helen the invitation.

Why, you may ask, would the current wife of Helen's ex-husband extend such an invitation to a woman for whom he most likely still harbors feelings of love, or, at least, lust?

Well--and this is the only big surprise I'm giving away because it happens fairly early and because I have to have something to talk about--it's because Constance wants to pay the cash-strapped Helen to help her murder Maurice.

While that would be enough story material for most movies to pad out till the fadeout, A QUIET PLACE TO KILL is just bursting out of the gate with this giddy revelation.

What follows is a veritable funhouse of plot twists, double-crosses, and other surprises, all involving Maurice and Constance's inquisitive friends as well as Constance's suspicious young stepdaughter, Susan, who returns home from school at the most inopportune time.

The film's original title, "Paranoia", is especially apt when the web of suspicion begins to weave itself inexorably around the guilty parties.

Lenzi's talent for setting such intrigue against beautiful and opulent backdrops is on full display here as watching the film feels a bit like a vicarious vacation in Spain.

It's a sharp contrast to the deadly events portrayed, although as a giallo this is still much less visceral than we would see in the coming decade.

The script offers some sharp, scintillating dialogue and situations--I love the scene where Helen sits between Maurice and Constance at dinner and they're both playing footsie with her--as well as vivid performances and a suspenseful story whose abrupt twists and turns are exhilarating.

The fact that the beautiful Carroll Baker spends much of her screen time in various states of undress doesn't hurt at all, nor do the fine performances from her and the rest of the cast, especially Jean Sorel (BELLE DU JOUR, A LIZARD IN A WOMAN’S SKIN) as Maurice, Anna Proclemer (ILLUSTRIOUS CORPSES) as Constance, and Marina Coffa (Joe Namath's THE LAST REBEL) as wild card Susan.

The Blu-ray from Severin Films is scanned from the original camera negative for the first time in America. Sound is Italian and English mono with English subtitles. The bonus menu, whose contents are listed below, provides added fun (don't forget to hunt for the Easter egg).

While guessing which characters are secretly in cahoots with each other, which ones aren't at all what they seem to be, and who's trying to kill who, it's best to just hang on to A QUIET PLACE TO KILL and go along for the ride. Fans of Umberto Lenzi, early giallo, and the great Carroll Baker should find it a trip worth taking.




Disc Specs for A Quiet Place to Kill:

    Aspect ratio: 2.35:1
    Audio: Italian mono DTS, English mono DTS
    Subtitles: Subtitles for Italian audio / SDH for English audio
    Region FREE

Special Features for A Quiet Place to Kill:

    Audio Commentary with Author & Critic Samm Deighan
    Sex and Conspiracy: Interview with Director Umberto Lenzi
    Alternate Credit Sequence
    Alternate Clothed Scene
    Short Deleted Scene